Date: Tue, 9 Jan 2001 20:45:38 -0800 From: whippedcream@audiohighway.net Subject: Slow Down My Beating Heart (chapter four) Disclaimer: Once again, I don't know the Backstreet Boys, they don't know me and we're all better off for it. I don't know anything about their sexual preferences, and I really don't care, but AJ needs to learn a little self-control. Much thanks to everyone who's emailed me with feedback, I so appreciate it. Also, special thanks to the 'real' Matt and Julian for allowing me this gross misrepresentation of their characters. Love you guys. I am not a medical professional. I hate hospitals worse than Brian. Having spent more than enough time in both the ER and the ICU, I know this isn't the way things are done, but this is my story, and it's fiction, so dust off that willing suspension of disbelief and ignore the glaring inconsistencies and falsities. :) Questions? whippedcream@audiohighway.net JJ Slow Down My Beating Heart Chapter Four "Matty?" "Hmm?" "You wanna talk about it?" "About what?" "About whatever's had you glued to the Weather Channel for the past hour?" Matt looked up, finally, to meet Julian's worried gaze. "How do you know I'm not just really interested in," he studied the TV for a moment, "how ice forms in the stratosphere?" "Don't even try that," Julian replied, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm really okay," Matt said. He turned his gaze again to stare out the hallway, watching as a nurse hurried past. Periodically, for the past hour or so, he'd been aware of people passing the room in all states of urgency, and the steady cadence of running feet had made him wince slightly. He knew where they were headed. "Maybe we should close the door," Matt muttered, but Julian shook his head. "No, I know how much it bothers you being here. At least the space seems bigger with the door open." "I guess." "You're worried about the kid in 167." Matt looked up in surprise. "How do you know about that?" "Before you got back, I heard some nurses discussing it. Something about his heart?" "Lungs," Matt murmured. "He has meningitis, spread from a respiratory infection that's spread back." "Oh. Do you know him?" Matt opened his mouth to answer, then hesitated. "No," he said, finally. **** "Brian, you need to sit down," AJ urged quietly, throwing a quick glance at Kevin and Howie. "In fact, you really should go home." Brian ignored his friend, his gaze still locked on the still figure on the bed, almost dwarfed by the machines that surrounded him. He was suddenly reminded of the early days, when Nick had been a skinny little kid, the smallest member of their struggling group. He looked like that same kid now "He looks so small," he whispered. AJ nodded sympathetically. "I know." "Did I look like that?" Brian asked, turning suddenly, his eyes wide, to look at AJ. AJ looked back, a little startled. "Huh?" "When I was in the hospital. You know, with the surgery." "Oh. Um, I guess, I don't really know," AJ evaded a direct answer, not wanting to dredge up old memories. "I just never really thought about it. About other people and their illnesses," Brian continued, as though he were the only one in the hall. He might as well have been, for all the good the others were doing for him now. He was caught up in his thoughts, past scenes resurfacing to unsettle him. He tried to remember how he felt just before the last time he'd spent time in the hospital, on the other side of the glass window through which he now gazed. For some reason, memories that normally never strayed far from the forefront of his mind eluded him now, and only the tangible vision of Nick's pale form confronted him. "Brian?" Through the fog in his mind, he registered Kevin's concerned voice. "I'm okay," he replied, reading his thoughts. "The doctor says he'll be okay, right?" "Right. He's just fighting off an infection." "Yeah." It seemed to Brian that Nick was always fighting off an infection, though this was the first time it had landed him in the hospital for so long. "You really should go home," Kevin added. "You look exhausted and I know how much you don't like to be here." Brian nodded, and stepped back from the glass, letting Kevin take his arm and pull him to the other side of the hall. They gathered their coats from the chairs and with one last glance at the window, they turned to go. "I'm gonna stick around a little longer," AJ said, tilting his head slightly toward Nick's room. "His family should be here soon, I want to make sure they know what's going on." "I'll wait too," Howie added, not so much because he wanted to, but because he knew it would make Brian feel better. "Thanks, guys," Brian said. Kevin nodded, and pulled him down the hall. Neither of them spoke as they passed a few doors, a not uncomfortable silence falling between them. Brian knew that Kevin wanted to speak, and only the uncertainty of his cousin's mindset prevented him. As for himself, Brian was content with the quiet for once, allowing him to sink deeper into his own thoughts. He didn't get very far, though, as they passed a familiar room and Brian instinctively glanced inside. Matt looked up as the steady footfall alerted him to the passage of yet more people and both he and Julian turned to see Brian pause almost imperceptibly. Smiling lightly, Matt stood immediately and Brian came to s complete stop, halting Kevin, who was a step ahead, as well. "Is he okay?" Matt asked, making his way to the door. He felt Julian's speculative gaze on his back, but his main concern lay with the man that stood at the threshold. He also noticed the slight movement of Kevin's gaze to his leg, but to his credit, he showed no other reaction except confusion. "Yeah," Brian said, his voice soft. "He's kinda critical right now, but stable." "That's good," Julian murmured. "Are you leaving, then?" Brian nodded. "Yeah, they tell me I need sleep," he responded, only a slight twinkle in his eyes contradicting his otherwise serious demeanor. Julian smiled faintly. "Sleep is good." Brian nodded, his glance darting to Matt's left for a moment to rest on Julian, before meeting his gaze once again. "This is my cousin, by the way, Kevin," Brian said. "This is Matt. We met at the Coke machine." "Hi," Kevin said. "Nice to meet you." "Likewise. Brian, Kevin, this is Julian." He stepped out of the way to allow them an unobstructed view of Julian, who waved. "I'd get out of bed and meet you," Julian said, "but these hospital gowns are kinda drafty." Kevin laughed and nodded. "That's okay, we understand." Brian smiled, but didn't respond, caught once again by the hint of something indescribable in Julian's voice. Something that, despite his frail appearance, spoke volumes of inner strength. "Well, I'm glad your friend is okay," Matt said, and Julian nodded. "Thanks," Kevin replied. He glanced at Brian. "We should go." "Okay. Get better?" Brian said, hesitation making his statement a question as he glanced first at Julian, then Matt, uncertainly. "Almost am," Julian responded, a warm smile on his face. "Nice to meet you." Matt watched them go, noting Brian's slumped shoulders, and Kevin's concerned gaze, before turning back to look at Julian. "Thought you didn't know them," Julian commented as Matt made his way back to the bedside. "I didn't say that. I don't know Nick. You didn't ask about Brian." Julian pulled a face. "Details." Matt grinned and reached out to take his hand. He squeezed it gently as he leaned forward to drop a brief kiss on his forehead. "Say what you mean, mean what you say, Jule." "Whatever, MJ." Matt smiled ruefully at the nickname before looking down at his leg. "Haven't heard that one in a little while." "You're still an amazing shooter," Julian said softly. "It's not really the same," Matt said, before looking up. "So when do you get to go home?" "Barring any unpredicted relapses," Julian responded, choosing not to comment on the transparent attempt to change the subject, "two days." "Cool." "Yeah. And speaking of home, you should take a page from their book," he tilted his head to indicate the direction Brian and Kevin had gone, "and go too." "Nah, I'm okay." He moved to sit down again, but Julian interrupted him. "No, go already. I'm gonna get some sleep, you can come back in the morning." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Go." Matt smiled, and gave his hand another squeeze. "Okay." Reaching up, Julian ran his fingers lightly through Matt's hair before they stopped briefly at his jaw. He pulled his face closer, causing Matt to lean down again, and lightly kissed him. "Love you, MJ." "You too, Jule. I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."