Date: Tue, 4 Jul 2000 14:47:20 EDT
From: Gemmini999@aol.com
Subject: Empty Tears

    its me. I'm back. again.  get used to it.
    disclaimer: you  know the drill.  it's not real. doesn't mean anyone in N
Sync is gay. doesn't mean that AT ALL. Underage... don't read.


Empty Tears

    He stood there.  Right outside my front door, he stood there. He didn't
say a word. Not a single word about what he was doing, why he was here. He
just stood there. And slowly I felt my heart begin to melt, begin to let him
back into my life.
    I had missed him. The innocent smile that he always flashed whenever I
caught him doing something wrong.  Almost like a kid getting caught stealing
a cookie right before dinner. He would flash that smile, and I would
instantly take him into my arms and forgive him. Because a cookie wasn't all
that bad, it was the cake that was a killer.
    His eyes. I had missed them too. The crystal blueness that always seemed
to search my eyes for the truth, for my soul.  Without saying a word, his
eyes could carry out an entire conversation with mine. And I had missed that.
Missed how our souls seemed to touch, mingle, whenever we looked eachother in
the eye.
    But most of all I had missed his voice. His deep tumbling voice that sent
shiver's down my spine whenever he spoke.  He didn't have to say anything
important, but the sound of his voice after a fight, after a hard day... it
was enough to make me smile, make me feel warm.  With every sylable he spoke,
a warmth radiated out of him; a warmth that would travel down my spine and
make me feel whole. I loved his voice.
    He wasn't speaking right now. I suppose that was for the best, because if
he said a single word, I would let him back into my life, Into my heart. And
I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk my heart in that way again, not after
last time.
    Not after he had left me without saying a single word. Without even
saying goodbye.
    That was what had hurt the most. He hadn't said goodbye.  He hadn't said
anything along those lines, he had just packed his bags and left without
saying a word. Not a single word.  He left me lying on the floor, crying my
eyes out.  He left me sitting there, begging with a voice so hoarse that the
words couldn't even be understood. He left me. That's all there was too it.
    But now he was standing there, right outside my doorway.   He didn't say
a word, not a single word about why he was here, what he was doing. He was
just standing there.  And as much as I wanted to let him back into my heart.
As much as I wanted to let him have my soul, I couldn't.
    Slowly, carefully I looked into his eyes. Then I shut the door, never
breaking that stare.  Once it was shut, I melted down against the door.  I
dragged my knees up to my chest, and my tired arms hugged them close.  I
rocked back and forth, crying tears so silent, so empty.
    Jc had hurt me, more then he knew. But I was strong, and I would get over
it.
    Someday.


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K... this one isn't inspired by a song. it's actually part of a huge series
i'm working on called Harsh Reality Sketches's.  This is the only one so far
that has to do with any boy bands, or else the rest would be posted. If you
would like some of them email me and let me know.
talk laterz!

gemmini999@aol.com

comments wanted!