Date: Mon, 03 Dec 2001 17:04:14 +0100
From: Dannii Ree <raindrops79@hotmail.com>
Subject: "the love we have" chapter 30

Notes: And here's the next one!! (I sent out chapter 29 today, too - don't
miss that one!!)

Disclaimer: This story is a complete work of fiction. We don't know the
guys of *NSYNC, and we don't want to imply anything about their sexuality.


Chapter 30 by Dannii

The look on Jim's face was completely blank, like JC had just told a bad
joke. He swallowed and looked at Lynn helplessly before turning back to his
son.

"You- you're gay? Gay?" he asked, hoping that maybe he'd just understood
his son wrong, needing to hear it again.

"Yes, dad", JC replied quietly. "I'm gay. And please don't say that you
think that it's just a phase, because I've always been with girls
before. It isn't a phase. I'm gay. And I'm sorry if I disappoint you." By
now JC had tears in his eyes, and he took a deep breath to prevent them
from spilling over. He was *not* going to cry in front of his dad and Lynn.
When he felt something warm touch his right hand, he looked down and saw
that Justin's left hand had slipped into his right. He didn't know if the
trembling in their hands just came from himself, or if Justin was trembling
too. But he knew what Justin wanted to tell him with the fact that their
fingers where now intertwined, so he squeezed his hand softly and then
looked into his father's eyes. Eyes that showed no emotion, just pure
blankness and, much more worse, disbelieve.

"And there's another thing I need to tell you, dad", he said, but was
interrupted by Justin.

"*We*", he said softly. "*We* need to tell you another thing." Although he
was much more afraid than he had been when he told his mother that he was
gay, he managed to give JC an encouraging smile before he continued.

"We didn't want you to find out so soon. We're just telling you this now
because mom came into Josh's room this morning and saw us kissing." He
noticed that the look on Jim's face changed from blank to shocked, or was
it disgusted?, so he hurried to go on.  "Yes, I am gay, too, and I love
Josh. And Josh loves me. And we know that this is hard to...  understand,
especially because you and Lynn will marry soon, and believe me, we didn't
want you to find out so soon. Because we just admitted our love to each
other yesterday, and it's still hard for us to believe what happened. And
all we hope now is that you are okay with it. You don't have to be happy,
or enthusiastic, but please be at least okay with it.  Because it means so
much to us." Justin was slightly out of breath after his little speech, and
JC smiled at him proudly. But this smile quickly faded when he heard his
father's next words.

"No. I'm sorry, but I.... no. No, I just don't understand it. I don't want
to believe it. This is just a sick joke, right? You're not gay. I... this
can't be right." With every word he backed away a bit more from JC and
Justin, and the boys looked at him in horror, while Lynn did her best to
fight the tears that threatened to fall down her face. She'd feared that
Jim would react like this. Although she had hoped that she might be wrong.

"I don't know if I can accept this. It's... it's just *wrong*! - I think I
need to be alone now."  With that Jim turned around and quickly left the
kitchen, grabbing his car keys an the way through the hall and slamming the
front door on his way out.

JC stood in the kitchen, staring out of the window, but not really seeing
anything. He couldn't believe what had just happened; his worst fear had
come true. He had feared before that Jim or Lynn might react like that, but
he hadn't really believed it. He didn't notice the wetness that was left
behind by the tears running down his face, and he didn't notice Justin
squeezing his hand comfortingly. The silence in the kitchen became nearly
unbearable, until Lynn cleared her throat. She took a step forward and
placed a comforting hand on JC's shoulder.

"Joshua, sweetie, I'm sure he'll come around", she tried to soothe her
soon-to-be stepson. "I'll talk to him when he comes back. He just needs to
think about everything..."  She stopped when JC let go of Justin's hand and
brushed her hand off his shoulder.

"No, Lynn, he won't come around. I... I know it. He'll.... oh god, he hates
me...", he stopped and wiped his eyes. When Justin tried to take his hand
again, he took a step back.

"No, Justin. I... I need to be alone. Please. I..." Without saying anything
else, he stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room.

Justin stood in the middle of the kitchen, hurt. He couldn't believe that
JC had rejected him.  They had promised each other that they would be there
for each other when one of them was sad or in trouble, and now... He shook
his head as if to get rid of his thoughts and offered his mother a weak
smile.

"That didn't went too well, did it?" He sounded like a five year old now,
and Lynn wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms and rock him like
she used to do when he was smaller, but she wasn't sure if that was what he
wanted right now. So she just gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and said
"I'm so sorry, honey. So sorry." And when he started to cry, she finally
took him in her arms and whispered soothing words into his ear, but nothing
seemed to stop the tears. After a short while Justin excused himself and
went up to his room, where he went straight to his bed and continued to
cry.

****

JC stood at the window in his room, looking out at the pool beneath
him. His gaze swept over the pool are and the garden, and he sighed and
wiped at his eyes. He had cried so much that they were hurting, but at
least the tears had stopped for now. He continued to look down onto the
backyard of the house where he'd spent the first twenty years of his
life. He knew every part of this backyard, every tree, every hidden path,
everything was embedded in his mind. He was glad that it was this way,
because that meant that he wouldn't have any problems to remember it when
his dad asked him to move out. Because he was prepared for the worst.  And
if his dad wanted him out of the house, then he would move out. He'd need
to find a job, sure, and it wouldn't be too easy, but he could make it. The
only problem was that he wouldn't be able to see Justin that often anymore.

JC sighed again when he thought of his curly headed angel. He was so lucky
that he had met Justin, and he was the happiest person alive when Justin
told him that he loved him a few hours ago. And now... everything was
turned upside down. His father was disgusted by him, Justin was maybe mad
because of the way he'd reacted in the kitchen, and he couldn't seem to
stop crying, he already felt the next tears running down his face.  Angrily
he wiped at them and took the few steps into the bathroom to wash his face
with some cold water.

He splashed some water in his face and looked at himself in the mirror. His
face was pale, with some red spots from crying, and his eyes were red as
well. He turned off the water and dried his face with a towel when he heard
a noise from the next room.  Justin's room. JC dropped the towel and
hurried to the door to Justin's room, pressing his ear against it, eager to
find out what was going on. Immediately he recognized the sound coming from
the room.

Justin was crying.

JC put his head against the door. It wasn't right. Justin wasn't supposed
to be crying. He was supposed to be happy, because he deserved only the
best. So without a second thought JC opened the door and went over to the
bed he knew Justin way laying on.

Justin sat up when he heard JC enter the room, and JC sat down beside him
and took him in his arms. He wrapped his arms around Justin as tightly as
he could, and the younger boy buried his face in the older one's neck.

"Please, Josh", he sniffled, "please don't shut me out. Please. I love you,
and we'll go through this together. I know that this must be much harder
for you, because he is your father, but I'm hurt, too. And I can't stand to
see you hurt. Please." Justin's tears fell down on JC's shirt, leaving wet
spots on the material, but both boys didn't care. Justin climbed onto JC's
lap and wrapped his arms around the brunette's neck, trying to get as close
to him as possible, while JC's arms were still around his waist. They sat
that way for several minutes, before JC finally pulled away from Justin a
few inches, so that he could look into the boy's blue eyes. Eyes that
matched his so much at the moment, red from crying, sadness and
disappointment showing in them, but also love.

"I'm so sorry, babe", JC said hoarsely. "I didn't want to shut you out. I
just, I was so hurt, and I didn't know what to do, and I just thought that
I needed to be alone, and I didn't want to face anybody... This won't
happen again, J, I promise. I won't shut you out ever again. I love you,
and you are the most important person to me in the whole wide world, and if
I ever shut you out again, you're allowed to slap me very hard. Okay?" When
he saw a small smile tug at Justin's lips, JC sighed relieved. "I'm sorry,
babe. I love you."

"I love you back", Justin whispered, and they leaned in to share a sweet
kiss. JC laid down on the bed and pulled Justin with him, never breaking
the embrace, so that Justin was laying beside him, facing him, their bodies
touching from head to toe. He managed to get the comforter out from under
them and pulled it over their bodies. They laid in that position for a long
time, just staring at each other, occasionally kissing, rubbing noses,
caressing each other with their hands, and the whole time not saying a
single word. When JC finally noticed that Justin's eyes were drooping and
that he was ready to fall asleep, he allowed himself to close his eyes to
take a nap, in the arms of his love.

****

Slowly waking up, Justin opened his eyes and tried to figure out where he
was, how late it was and especially, why he'd woken up. It was dark in the
room, and he reached to the side, feeling around, until his hand hit
something that felt like a lamp. He turned it on and closed his eyes for a
moment when the bright light shone him directly in the eyes.  Now he
remembered that he was in his room, and a look on the clock on his bedside
table told him that it was nine o'clock in the evening. He looked down at
the boy sleeping in his arms and smiled. He leaned down to kiss JC's nose,
and the next moment JC's eyes fluttered open. JC smiled at him groggily and
opened his mouth to say something, when a loud knock interrupted him. <So
that's why I woke up>, Justin thought and called out "It's open", his voice
sounding slightly scratchy. The door opened slowly, and a few seconds later
Jim was standing in the room, looking at the two boys in the bed tiredly.

"Boys, we need to talk."

TBC...
**********
feedback to: Megan: jujuissecksi@hotmail.com, Dannii:
raindrops79@hotmail.com