This story is fiction and not intended to imply anything about any member of *NSYNC
by: LD Griffin
It all began 10 years ago, when I was just 11. I somehow managed to grab a spot on a daily variety show called "The Mickey Mouse Club" or MMC for short. The cast was nice, the girls were cute, and hey... I was in showbiz. Life seemed to be going great.
As the months passed I got very close to this one guy named Joshua Chasez or JC as everyone on the show called him. He was sweet, funny, talented, and soon to be known as my best friend. He and I did everything together, whether it be on the show or off. He was there for me when I got turned down by the other guys and he was right behind me smiling when I had my first kiss with Britney, my first and longtime girlfriend.
Before I knew it, MMC was over and Josh and I had to say goodbye. We promised to still talk, but I never expected we'd keep in touch. Then one day, I was at an audition for a local commercial. I met this guy there named Chris Kirkpatrick. We started talking and he told me that he was starting a group. Then out of nowhere, he asked me to join. I was ecstatic, and before I even realized what I was saying, I asked him if a friend of mine could also join. He had no problem with that so I called up JC. JC was shocked to hear from me, thrilled about the prospect of joining a group, and agreed to come back down to Orlando. Man, was it great to see him again. We met with Chris and before I knew it had a singing group together.
Flash forward to today. It's August 8, 2007. JC's birthday and the 3 year anniversary of something I did that's appalling. 5 years ago today, Josh told me he loved me, and 3 years ago today, I broke his heart.
I remember the night he told me so vividly, as if it was yesterday:
"Hey, so what do you think of the place?" Joey asked, coming up behind JC and wrapping an arm around his broad shoulders.
"Well, it's definitely...um...unique," JC responded trying to be civil.
The guys had taken him out for his birthday to a club in hope that they could break away the haze that had clouded over JC lately. Looking around the place, all JC could see were men stripping, giving lap dances, and doing such unmentionable things to look at them almost made him sick to his stomach.
"So, what gave you all the thought that I was gay?"
"Well, um...Jace, Chris...uh, well, he kind of found your journal man." Lance hesitated his response, and cringed at the look of disgust on JC's face.
"He did what?!"
"Hey, relax man...it's not like you weren't going to tell us eventually right?" Justin jumped in, and rubbed JC's back soothingly.
"Uh, Chris...can I talk to you for a minute man?"
"Y..y..yeah, sure Jace," Chris answered, with a scared look on his face.
Pulling Chris into a dark corner, JC leaned over and whispered into Chris's ear.
"What did you read?"
"I only read the part that said you had realized you were gay. Nothing more, I stopped after that. Hey, I'm sorry for intruding, I didn't mean to really intrude on your personal life, k?"
"Okay, Chris I believe you. Now can you leave me alone?"
"Uh, sure. Bye, see ya later."
With that Chris walked away, and JC headed over to the bar. After ordering 3
shots of Vodka and downing them in a minute, he stood up, and walked towards Justin at the other end of the club with a new found courage
"Hey Josh, what's shakin'?"
"Justin, c...c...can I talk to you for a minute?" JC stammered.
"Uh, sure JC...let's go in here."
Justin led JC into a dark, vacant side room. Taking a seat on one of the sofas in there, he smiled and waited for Josh to start talking.
"So, Jace, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Justin, I really wish you didn't have to find out like this," JC started.
"Find out what like this?" Justin questioned, quite confused.
"Justin, don't you want to know if I really am gay or not, or what was in that journal that Chris read?"
"Um, it's your call but I'm not going to push for answers."
"Well, I want to tell you now, cause I might not ever have the courage to do this again," JC started, looking at the floor.
"Justin, I've known I was gay for about three months now, and I guess I could say it took me so long to figure it out because I didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't want to know I was gay. I thought that if I denied myself the thought, that it wouldn't be true. But what I came to discover, is that I like myself like this. I like loving this in particular person, I like knowing that a person no matter what gender can make me feel this way. And I guess what I'm trying to get at is that," JC suddenly looked up from the floor and met Justin's blue eyes with his own.
"I guess what I'm trying to get at, is that I'm in love with you."
He looked so scared when he told me that. I wasn't expecting that one, I'll tell you...but I thought that if he could love me like that, maybe I could love him. So, when he asked me two weeks later to have me as his boyfriend, I agreed to giving an "us" a chance. We lasted for 2 years, and then his birthday came around again.
"JC, we can't go on like this anymore."
"What do you mean we can't go on like this anymore. "
"Us. There can't be an "us" anymore."
"But why not, I love you Justin. I thought you loved me."
"Josh, I just can't. I don't love you, I guess I never did."
"What do you mean you don't love me? You said "I love you" countless times. You looked me straight in the eyes when we were making love and you said "I love you". What were those Justin, just some stupid fucks, something to get off too?"
"Josh, it was good while it lasted. I said I'd give an "us" a chance, I never said I was going to fall in love with you."
"But you said..."
"I know what I said Josh...but I didn't know what I was saying. Now, I must go...goodbye Joshua."
I walked out the door, and out of his life never to look back. NSYNC ended right after that, and Josh hasn't been seen or heard from in years. No one knows where he is. I left because I didn't like what everyone was thinking of me . I left because I didn't think that I liked who I was. I was scared and confused, and I didn't want to face the truth. I know now though, that if I could turn back time...I'd go back and never leave him, because I can't deny it anymore...I was in love with Josh and I always will be.