Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2001 03:06:29 +1100 From: AK W Subject: Try walking in my shoes Hi Guys and Gals, alright, firstly the legal crap: This story is about certain N*SYNC band members, I don't know N*SYNC, nor am I writing on their behalf. If I did know them, I know what I would want to do with them, and writing does NOT even come into it. If you think this story is true, you probably have a very vivid imagination and it's possible you need help. Now that that is over, I need to tell you that I have no intention of continuing this story any further, it is a bit too dark/depressing for me to continue, and I don't do "dark" without it depressing the hell out of me, I'm a happy kind of guy! However if you want this story continued I'd be happy to read any further additions to it and send them in if I like them. The only reason I wrote this story was because of the lovely Miss Willow, who is "self absorbed" (by her own admission) and has a "thing" for Joey/Chris stories. Just personally Willow, I think you're ace and the self absorbed thing is a front! My personal fave is Lance, so if the content is a bit lacking I'm sorry, but I find it difficult to write about Joey, because I just plain don't like him! Enjoy! "Hey Joe" Justin smiled, then added "Where you goin' with that gun in your hand?" In an attempt to elicit even a slight smile from Joey Joey didn't appear to venture far from his own private world to respond with a sullen "Hey Just." Before continuing on his way down the hall. It had been that way for about a month, ever since their tour in Germany. Joey would spend all his time alone in his hotel room until he had to appear for rehearsals or performances, which he only took half-heartedly Last night, while talking with JC, Justin had concluded that maybe Joey was mad at them because they left him out of a lot of the activities the rest of the group enjoyed. This was by no means intentional, it was just that Joey appeared not to be interested in the same activities as the others, such as inline skating, basketball and clubbing. Though accidental their exclusion of Joey from the groups activities made Justin feel guilty. The guys were currently in Australia for an album promotion, which involved an all day signing at the Melbourne HMV store. After that they had a week off before the Australian leg of their tour began. Justin and JC had decided that, with or without Lance and Chris, they were going to use that week to get closer to Joey. "Wow, if all Australian girls look like that I'm not going home!" JC stated, referring to the scores of scantily clad young girls who had lined up to meet them at the signing that day. "I know what you mean" Justin replied "Could they be wearing any less? "YES!!!!" responded Lance quickly, inciting a laugh from everyone but Joey. "Hey guys what do you say we hire a car tomorrow and check out a few of the local attractions?" Justin asked hopefully, changing the subject of conversation. "Yeah sounds good." Replied JC enthusiastically, hoping to encourage the others. "Sounds OK to me." Lance agreed "Yeah cool" Chris almost yelled "I've always wanted to know what it would be like to drive on the other side of the road" "Um, that's because you're a FREAK!" Justin teased "What do you think Joe?" "Huh? What? Oh I dunno, I'll see how I feel in the morning." He responded vaguely, causing Justin to scowl in confusion. Throughout the conversation they had been in the back of their limousine on the way back to the Hilton Hotel, the car now stopped, putting a stop to any further conversation. That night Justin and JC headed toward the room Chris and Lance were sharing, which had only started since Germany, before that Joey and Chris always shared a room. They walked in to find Lance sitting on the lounge with his feet on the coffee table watching TV. "Hey guys you should see this, it's that crocodile hunter guy again, I think he's cool!" (the author thinks he's a moron and apologies for inflicting him on unsuspecting Americans) "That's great Lance" JC said absently "But we need to talk to you guys. Where's Chris?" "Chris is here!" he replied stepping out of the bathroom "This sounds fairly serious." He stated. "It is actually." Justin replied "Could you turn that off for a sec' Lansten?" Lance switched off the TV and they all sat around the small dining table in the hotel room, Chris and Lance listening attentively. "Have you guys noticed that Joey has been acting kinda weird and withdrawn lately?" JC asked. "Thank-you" Chris breathed with a sigh of relief, pushing back his chair and standing up "I thought it was a big secret from me and you had all noticed too but said nothing, it began in Germany and has gotten worse since." "Yeah we think it could be because we leave him out of stuff we all do." Justin Added. "Yeah but we like to do different things to him, it's not our fault." Lance retorted defensively. "It's nobody's fault, we just need your help to fix it, we want to make Joe feel as much a part of the gang as you and I. That's why we want to do stuff as a group this week, just to let him know we care." JC chastised "Oh, OK, Sorry" Lance replied guiltily Joey sat alone in his room. He could hear the voices of the other NSYNC'ers in the next room. He wanted to go in there and tell them to stop talking about him. To tell them he was fine and to leave him alone. He wanted to but couldn't, because he knew that seeing them all worrying about him would make him cry. He cried a lot these days. Ever since the tour in Germany. Joey had come to the conclusion a while ago that the most important things in his life were the members of NSYNC and in particular Chris. He had incorrectly assumed that the rest of the band felt the same way. He had made the group his life and had always visualized that Chris would feel the same for him when he finally had the guts to tell Chris of his feelings. He had been prepared to do just that in Germany when he and Chris had gone clubbing alone on their last night. Chris looked so hot in his jeans and leather jacket that Joey had trouble keeping his eyes focused on anything else. As soon as they entered the club Chris had gravitated toward the nearest group of good looking girls and remained there all night. Joey sat by himself demolishing bourbon after bourbon as the truth slowly sank in. CHRIS WAS NOT GAY. Working out that their relationship was never going to be had destroyed Joey. The seams of his self-fabricated delusion were rapidly coming undone and there was nothing he could do but cry. If he'd been wrong about Chris, then he was probably wrong about the group being everybody else's life as well. So now added to his loneliness he also felt stupid for assuming that NSYNC were more than just a business arrangement. Joey had slowly abandoned all of his old friends, not through any fault of his own but because constant touring took its toll on even the tightest of friendships, and his family wouldn't understand his feelings for Chris, or his depression so he felt completely alone. Over the past month or so Joey had tried everything to forget his problems, but the mere sight, sound or thought of Chris gave him a dull ache in his chest and a sorrow so deep he felt as though he'd never be happy again. Joey turned toward the bar, which was (as always) fully stocked. Ever since the group began touring they had gone first-class everywhere and made the most of it. But the hotel room bar, until recently, had been the one luxury that went untouched. Joey took a bottle of red wine from the bar. "Preece Cabernet Sauvignon? I'm no connoisseur but it looks expensive, besides if it does the job..." He opened the bottle quickly and took a glass in his other hand. He was about to pour a glass when his hands began to shake. "AH to hell with it!" he growled pitching the glass across the large suite, where it landed with a loud explosion against the wall. He upended the bottle downing over half of its contents in one go. "You OK in there Joe?" came JC's voice through the door. "Fine why?" Joey asked curtly. "Just heard something break that's all." "I knocked a glass off the table." Joey lied "OK, as long as you're alright, g'night Joe" "Yeah right." Joey responded, then muttered "As if you'd care, as long as I can still sing and dance and you're still making money." Joey thought about the reactions of the others if they saw him drinking like this. What would they say? He had a flash of guilt. "I would tell you about the things they put me through the pain I've been subjected to but the Lord himself would blush" he sang mournfully "The countless feasts laid at my feet forbidden fruits for me to eat but I think your pulse would start to rush" he took another long swig from the bottle. "Now I'm not looking for absolution forgiveness for the things I do but before you come to any conclusions Try walking in my shoes..." He trailed off, breaking down and collapsing onto the carpet in despair. "WHY ME?" he wailed pitifully into the carpet. "Will you just leave me alone?" Joey mumbled as the phone rang again. He looked at the clock, 8am. "Jesus" he croaked lifting his aching head. "What?" he barked into the phone. "Morning Joe" Justin oozed into the phone, apparently unfazed by Joeys demeanor. "I know you were probably sleeping, sorry" he continued quickly "But you said you were thinking about coming with us to see the sights. I just rang to say that the offer has been withdrawn, you're not invited anymore." "Really?" Joey replied, confused but secretly happy. The last thing he's felt like doing today was spending a day with Chris and the others, especially with a hangover the size of his. "Yeah really" Justin laughed "The invitation has been rescinded and a demand for your presence has been offered in its place!" "Justy I can't" Joey moaned "I thought you'd say that, so I've sent JC down to the front desk for a spare key to your room, so we can drag your sorry ass out of bed!" Panic hit Joey as he sat bolt upright in bed and surveyed the mess in his room. Empty bottles littered the small dining table, crisps and peanuts littered the carpet. "NO!" he almost yelled into the phone. "I mean its OK." He covered "I'll come. I'll meet you in Chris and Lances room in ½ an hour," The guys could not find out about his drinking, then they'd know for sure what was wrong and ask a lot of questions. "I thought you'd see things my way dude." Justin giggled before hanging up. Joey groaned. All he wanted to do was stay in bed all day and sleep. That way he wouldn't have to think about Chris, or anybody for that matter. He dragged himself out of bed, gagging as he looked at the bottles on the table. After he had finished the wine last night he had gotten all dark and moody as he always did when he drank. He had taken all of the miniature bottles of spirits and lined them up in alphabetical order (difficult to do after a bottle of wine) then preceded to drink them in that fashion, he only made it to 'S' (for Smirnoff) before passing our cold. At 8:30am the five guys met in Lance and Chris' room and studied a brochure for the rental companies valet service. "It's got to look cool, I'm not driving any car that doesn't look good" Lance stated "UM, You're not driving a car at all, you're a maniac!" Justin replied playfully "Sorry we don't all drive like my Grandma!" Lance teased "What the hell is a Holden anyway?" he stated tossing the brochure in the bin, "Let's go down there, that way we can see what we're getting." Until now Joey sat in the corner saying nothing, but now he stood up. "I'm gonna be sick!" he muttered and ran for the bathroom. An hour later Joey had convinced the guys that his illness had been the result of taking cold and flu medication on an empty stomach, not the aftermath of a mammoth binge- drinking session he'd conducted alone in his room the night before. They were all seated, albeit uncomfortably, in a small sports coupe. "How come I have to sit in the back?" Lance complained "Because you chose this foil covered shopping cart and if Justin and I have to squeeze back here then so do you." JC explained plainly "What was wrong with that 4X4? It'd have more room than this...thing!" "This 'thing' is a 5 series BMW Joshua, I couldn't possibly be seen in something as common as a 4X4." Lance replied, faking an air of superiority. "A coupe might be cool Lance, but it's not too good for your knees." Chris quipped as he rolled the passenger seat back and threw the backrest against Lances knee-caps eliciting a yelp from Lance and a laugh from everyone else, including Joey. Joey had been waiting beside the passenger door for Chris to get out when Chris positioned himself in the seat and turned toward Joey smugly saying "Steering wheel is on the other side in Australia Joe!" Joey was confused momentarily, he hadn't expected to be driving. It appeared that the rest of the group was willing to let him take control. As long as he was sitting next to Chris he felt strangely good, so he was willing to go with it for now. "Where to guys?" Joey questioned brightly. "Don't care dude, as long as we're back for the football match tonight. I've always wanted to see a game of Australian Rules Football and JC promised to take me tonight," Justin replied. "Hey I got this brochure on bungee jumping from the hotel." Lance replied. "We always talk about going, and they do it from a helicopter and all." "Sounds cool!" Chris replied with an evil laugh. "Yeah" said Justin excitedly "Josh, Joe, what do you think?" "Why not!" Joey replied, happy to do something that made Chris happy. The day turned out to be a success. Joey's mood had Improved dramatically throughout the day. Chris had turned to him for help because he'd been too scared to bungee, so they did a tandem jump, which literally mad Joey closer to Chris than he'd ever been. They'd eaten at a nice restaurant and spent the afternoon shopping and gambling at the casino. They had gone as a group to the football match Justin had wanted to see, Joey and Chris had decided to follow the opposing team to the other 3 and when their team won Chris gave Joey a bone-crushing cuddle. Joey had never felt so emotionally close to Chris, and he was happier than he'd been in ages. When they returned to their hotel they all said their goodnights and retired to their rooms. Joey's good mood quickly began to fade as soon as he was alone. He began to picture Chris's baby-face in his mind. The partial goatee and un-kempt hair that suited him perfectly. His impeccable dress sense (but anything would look good on that body, no??) and his totally care free attitude. When Chris smiled his entire face lit up. It wasn't just these things that Joey noticed, it was Chris's apparent unawareness to the fact that he was the sexiest and most loveable guy Joey had ever met that made him more special. He was everything Joey wanted but could never have. "God I want him!" Joey sobbed "Why can't he just want me too? Why can't life be easy?" "Morality would frown upon Decency look down upon The scapegoat fate has made of me But I promise now my judge and jurors My intentions couldn't have been purer My case is easy to see." By the time he had showered and changed for bed he felt the familiar urge to cry again... OK. There it was. Now this is where the inattentive ones of you are expecting to see the words "I hope you enjoyed it, I'll write more later" Well guess what? Had you have read the intro you would know that unless you write it yourself you get NOTHING! HA! So you'd better start writing. I want to hear nothing vulgar, offensive or insulting, especially if its about moi. I'd also like to keep the dark mood of the piece going, just because I think it's an interesting writing style. See how you go folks, send any submissions/ideas to Curly_and_Josh@hotmail.com unless they involve acts of depravity my lovely fiance (female) can't read. Save them for your therapist! AKW BTW:- The song is called "Try walking in my shoes" and its by "Depeche Mode" I'm not sure if I need this for legal reasons, but if anybody didn't know that, or doesn't own a copy of that song in any format, don't tell me or I'll cry.