Date: 10 Dec 2000 18:05:52 -0500
From: ice_81@gurlmail.com
Subject: Waiting For You

	Hey everyone, here's a little shortie from me.  Once again, no smut
::gasp!:: Anyway, hope you like it!

EVIL DISCLAIMER:  They are so not gay.


=====
Waiting For You
Copyright 2000 Ice

*Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain*

	Dear Josh,
	Hey darling.  God, this is so hard.  This has to be at least the
fifth time I've tried to write this letter.  I don't even know yet if I'll
actually mail this one out, either.  Well, if I break down and actually
send it, then right now you're touring in Europe, Berlin to be specific.
And again, I can't be there to hold you in your bunk at night or hold your
hand under the restaurant tables like we used to do years ago during
Nsync's fame.  Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say baby (how fucking
Tearin Up My Heart is that?), I'm ecstatic for you and your career.
Everyone knew you would be having a solo career after Nsync.  I was so
happy when you signed, do you remember?  We came home and celebrated that
night.  So no, I'm not in any way upset that you're having a solo career,
not at all.  It's just... Josh, do you remember the last time you were home
for more than a week?  This distance is killing me.  Every time you leave,
the tear in my heart grows a little bit bigger.  And I *know* that I can't
go with you on tour, what would everyone think?  No one knows we live
together as it is.  Shit, they all still think you live in that apartment.
Baby, we've been together for 8 years, 5 of them after Nsync ended, and
besides our parents we haven't told a soul about us.  It's hard enough
trying to pretend that I'm not desperately in love with you when we're
around our friends, but it's even harder trying not to cry every time
someone mentions your name when you're gone.  Goddamnit Josh, the last time
Joey asked me what the fuck my problem was, I almost spit out "I miss
having my brains fucked out by Josh and I miss holding him and kissing him
at night and I miss not having him here in our house and I miss not being
able to look at him and see the lust in his eyes while we make love."
Yeah, that would've been a great way to get him to shut up.  He probably
would've fainted.  Baby, I'm slowly getting off topic here.  The reason I'm
writing you... Fuck, this is so hard.  Josh, I love you more than life.
That's the reason I'm letting you go.

*If I see you next to never
Then how can we say forever*

	Josh.  I know this is just as hard for you as it is for me.  When
was the last time I saw you without the aid of a video phone?  When was the
last time I touched your face?  When was the last time I held you in my
arms?  I can't remember.  But I do remember the last time I talked to you.
Your morning phone call.  Wherever you are, you always call at 8 in the
morning, to wake me up with a smile on my face.  And wherever you are, I
know you cried last night because I didn't call you with my nightly phone
call, to send you to sleep knowing that I love you.  I couldn't Josh.  I
walked around the block for two hours when I knew that you would be laying
down.  I stared at the phone when I came in like it was going to bite me.
How could I call you and let you listen to the tears in my voice?  If I
called you last night I would have cried your name and begged for you to
come home and forget your career.  I would have told you I love you more
than anything and if you loved me too you would do what was right for US.
I would have been selfish and told you that I was going to publicly
announce our relationship just so I could fly out there and grab you and
kiss you right in front of the arena of your next concert and let all the
photographers take pictures of us to publish in their goddamn newspapers
and magazines.  It was so hard to talk to you yesterday morning knowing
that I knew I wasn't going to call you last night.  Fuck, it's 5 AM right
now.  I can't be here to take your phone call.  If I do, I'll have to
listen to you and hear you painfully ask me why I didn't call you last
night.  I can't do this anymore baby.  You know that I love you more than
anything in this world, anything in my life.  But that's why I'm doing
this, don't you see?  It's destroying me.  I can't look at a picture of you
without crying and longing to hold you.  I know you're still not ready to
tell the world about us and that's ok baby.  But until you are, and until I
can soothe this aching pain in my heart, I want you to know that I'll be
right here.  I'll be waiting for the day I can hold your hand as we walk
into Planet Hollywood together.  Eight years of hiding.  I can't hide
anymore.  I'm not giving you an ultimatum.  I'm not going to make you
choose.  I'm telling you that whenever you are ready to not look over your
shoulder as we drive together to our house, whenever you are ready to hold
my hand across a table as we eat dinner, whenever you are ready to go to a
friend's party with my arm draped over your shoulder, whenever you are
ready to kiss me in the middle of a movie theater, whenever you are ready
to tell me you love me no matter where we are, I'll be right here baby.
I'll be waiting for you.  I love you, always and in all ways.

Justin

*Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here
Waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here
Waiting for you*

	Joshua Scott Chasez stared out his hotel room window.  Tears were
flowing endlessly down his face.  In his hand, he held a letter.  He
clutched the letter while he cried.  Looking down at the words on the page,
he read the last line over.  'Always and in all ways...'
	He knew he had to make a decision.  This choice would change his
life.  JC reached down into his discarded jeans and pulled out his wallet.
Opening to his license, he reached behind it and pulled out a folded
picture.  He opened it and looked down.
	/What would I give for that right now.\ He thought.
	The picture showed two men laying together on a couch.  One was on
his back with the other draped across the left side of his body.  The older
man was nestled in the arms of the blonde, their legs intertwined.  Their
foreheads were resting against each other and both had peaceful looks on
their faces.
	JC ran his finger over the picture.  His tears still flowing, he
folded the picture back up and placed it behind his license.  He stood up
and walked over to his shoulder bag.
	Taking out a dark blue t shirt, he pulled it over his head.  He
brought the fabric up to his nose and breathed deeply, taking in the fading
scent of Cool Water on the shirt.  Tears still leaking out of his eyes, he
made his way to the bed.
	He sat down on the side of the bed, glancing at the clock quickly.
8:47.  Looking next to the clock, he glared at the phone.  It would be so
easy to just pick it up and dial and pretend the letter never even reached
him...
	/No.\ He shook his head.  There was no way he could call him and
not break down.
	Falling onto his back with a sigh, he took deep breaths.  His face
slowly crumpled up again.  Rolling over he buried his face into the pillows
and reached out to the other side of the bed.  He could almost feel the
tight abs underneath his hand.  His hand closed into a fist and he gripped
at the sheets as anguished sobs wracked his body.

*I took for granted all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now*

	The pounding woke him up.  Whether it was the pounding on the door
or in his head, he couldn't be sure.  He groggily made his way to the door
and opened it.  Mike handed him a stapled sheet, nodded and walked away.
No words were exchanged with his PM.
	Closing the door, he glanced at the clock again. 11:51 it blinked
at him.  Sighing, he sat down and looked over the schedule for the next two
months.  His eyes lit up when he saw the benefit for the children's
hospital early on.  He flipped through and kept looking, smiling when he
saw the TRL segment they wanted him to do with MTV.  After all these years,
MTV still loved him.
	He scanned the rest of the pages.  More appearances, more concerts.
Sighing, he threw himself backward onto the bed and looked towards the
window.  There it was, half wrinkled from the desperate way he was
clutching it and laying innocently on the table.  He glared at the white
sheet of paper as if it bit him.  He ripped his eyes away from the letter
and stared at the ceiling.  The tears were slowing down, but the pain in
his heart was unyeilding.  He knew in his heart what he had to do.
	He picked up the phone and dialed his manager's number.

*Oh can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy*

	/Fuck it.\ A bitter young man thought as he flipped through the
channels in his living room.  It'd been over a MONTH since he mailed that
letter.  /Obviously Josh wasn't ready to tell the world anything.\ Justin
mulled, still heartbroken.  Not one word.  No letter back, no emails, no
phone call.  Nothing.
	Justin took in a shaky breath and for the third time that night
willed away his tears.  He'd cried almost every day after he mailed the
letter.  Now he wished he hadn't even written it.  If it meant he could
hear JC's voice or open his email account and see a message from him
waiting to be opened, then he would go back in time and rip the letter to
shreds before it was mailed.  Letting a lone tear streak down his face, he
changed the station and there was Carson Daly with his nightly rerun of
TRL.  God, didn't MTV ever get sick of him?
	Justin sighed and tossed the remote next to him on the couch and
pushed himself to his feet.  In only the grey sweatpants he had been
wearing for three days straight and the chain holding a ring around his
neck, he made his way to the kitchen.
	He opened the fridge and peeked inside.  Beer.  Cheese.
Mayonnaise.  And there it was.  The old carton of chinese take out from the
last time JC was home.  Justin refused to take it out, though the food was
old.  It was JC'S food, he couldn't get rid of it.
	He sighed and shut the door.  He reached up into the cabinet over
the fridge and pulled out a bag of barbecue chips.  He filled a glass with
water and made his way back to the living room.  He stopped short when he
saw the tv.
	"Yeah Carson, it's been a hard month with all the concerts but the
end of the tour's actually next weekend so I'll get to go home and rest up
until after the holidays when I go back into the studio to record the rest
of the new album."
	Justin stood shock still.  There he was, in all his glory.  JC
Chasez looked beautiful.  His hair was... And his smile...  His clothes
looked...  Not to mention his eyes.  Justin lost himself in those eyes
many, many times before.
	The doorbell rang.
	"Yeah that's right, the new album's coming out late next summer.
Well hey, you get to go home, which is always a major plus.  Which home are
you talking about now, back to Bowie, or Orlando?"  Carson asked.
	"Well actually, I don't live in Orlando anymore."  JC informed
Carson smiling.  Justin dropped his bag of chips while Carson scratched
behind his ear.
	"Oh, you don't?"  Carson asked, a tad confused.
	"No, I live in Tampa with Justin.  You remember Justin Timberlake,
right Carson?"  JC asked Carson still smiling.
	Justin dropped his jaw.
	The doorbell rang.
	"Of course, how do you forget a guy like Justin?"  Carson said
laughing a little.  JC joined him.  "Why do you live with Justin, I thought
after the band broke up that everyone went their seperate ways."  Carson
asked.
	"Oh, no.  We all still hang out, a lot actually.  Not all together
at once, since it's a little hard.  Chris is living in California actually
working on his clothing line so we only really get to see him during the
holidays and some summers when he comes back home.  But Joey and Lance
still live in Orlando."  JC said smiling and waiting patiently.
	"Yeah well what about Justin, you live with him?"  THERE it was.
	Justin held his breath.
	The doorbell rang.
	"Oh, yeah.  I've lived with my boyfriend for the past 5 years
actually."  JC started out grinning widely.
	Justin dropped his glass of water.
	Someone knocked at the door.
	JC reached into his shirt and pulled something out on a chain
around his neck.
	"This is the promise ring he got me a few years ago, as some of my
fans know I never take this necklace off.  Now you all know why."  JC said
showing it to the camera.
	Justin stared.
	Carson stared.
	Someone coughed.
	Someone else knocked on the door.
	Carson was brought out of his stare by the cough.
	"Oh well yeah.  That's cool man, never knew about that.  See folks,
ya learn something new every day.  Hey JC, wanna introduce the number 4
video?"  Carson turned to JC smiling.
	Life went on.
	Justin cried.
	Someone pounded hard on the door.

*Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here
Waiting for you

Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here
Waiting for you*

	Justin ran to the door and flung it open.
	"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!"

*I wonder how we can survive this romance
But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here
Waiting for you*

	His eyes widened when he saw who was behind the door.  The tears on
his face glistened as he stepped onto the porch and threw his arms around
the brunette's neck.
	JC brought his arms up after a second and wrapped them around
Justin's thin frame tightly.  He lowered his face and breathed in the scent
of Justin's hair.  Justin let out a shuddered sigh and JC could feel the
tears wet his neck.  He kissed the top of Justin's curls then brought his
face up gently with his hands.
	Justin lost himself in those blue eyes.
	Their lips touched and they were suddenly falling on the living
room couch together.  JC ran his hands through Justins curls as he cried.
Justin's hands traveled over JC's body.
	No words were spoken as they held each other and cried.  None were
needed.
	JC reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a box.  He took
Justin's hand from around his waist with one hand as he opened the box with
his other hand.  He pulled out a ring and put it on Justin's left ring
finger.  Without looking up, he resumed his position with his head
underneath Justin's chin.  Justin brought up his hands to the back of JC's
neck and undid his necklace.  JC let Justin remove it and pull the ring
off.
	Justin found JC's hand and put the beautiful platinum promise ring
on JC's finger.  Then he wrapped his arms around JC and held him close.  JC
sighed when Justin kissed his forehead and they both closed their eyes.
	And they slept.

*Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here
Waiting for you*
=====

	Awwww, sweet pink gooeyness.  Did you enjoy it?  I kinda wrote this
to make all of my For Always readers happy.  You might not like me too much
when you get the next chapter of it, so I'm trying to butter you up now.
::grin:: Ciao!

*Ice*