Date: Mon, 23 Apr 2001 00:33:33 +0200 From: Aaron . Subject: "Watching You Without Me" Chapter 5 This story has become incredibly hard to write; And when you include that fact that about three people counting Nimm are reading it, it doesn't make me want to write it. Thanks go to Nimm this time (again), because her help with this chapter has been invaluable. Please, if you are reading this, EMAIL ME! If noone is reading this, then I'm thinking about going on hiatus from it. Thoughts? Thanks to those of you who have e-mailed me. :) Disclaimer: None of this happened; it is all a figment of my poor, poor deranged psyche. This story is not meant to imply anything about anyone (well, actually it IS, but you didn't hear it from me.) This story is copywritten by me. (You can't sue me because you don't know my real last name, plus the fact that I have nothing of value to take but my piece-of-shit car, which would fall apart before you got it on the truck.) HAPPY READING! :)~ "Watching You Without Me" By Aaron DeLorean *Chapter Five* ___________________________________ "Can't let you know What's been happening. There's a ghost in our home, Just watching you without me. I'm not here." --Kate Bush ___________________________________ I opened my eyes. The room spun around me. I shook my head and the spinning stopped. My gaze fell on A.J. and Tori who were asleep in two chairs at the side of my bed. Jaycee had already gone. I knew that the doctor would be calling a psych consult down from the psychiatric ward to talk to me about why I had overdosed. Tori would be hurt that I had done it again. I looked up at the ceiling. Why HAD I done it? How was I supposed to explain it to them if I didn't even know why I had done it myself? All I knew at that moment was that I felt as if I were under glass-the air stifling and unforgivable. I had battled with the same thing for ten years. I wanted it to end. I could feel my eyes tearing up again. I willed myself not to cry. I was so tired of crying. I looked at Tori. Dreams had possessed her body and she had a wild expression on her sleeping face. She was so very beautiful. If I were not gay I would probably have fallen in love with her. We were like the male and female half of the same being. My thoughts drifted back to the night she had told me about her childhood. How her father had sexually molested her, and how she had left home at fifteen. We had cried for hours and I had told her of my background- how I had battled with mental illness almost my entire lifetime. We had connected that night at such a level that neither one of us can live without the other to this day. I felt sorry for what I had done to her by taking the pills. I closed my eyes once again. I opened my eyes to look at A.J. He was sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling with each breath. I wanted to run my hands through his silky hair; run my fingers over the muscles of his tattooed arms. Tori had told me a week earlier that he was in fact, gay. This, needless to say, delighted me. As I looked at him now I felt something stir inside of me. I could very easily fall for him. I sighed deeply and wondered if he would have anything to do with me after all of this. I had had countless boyfriends leave me in the past when they found out about the illness, and the drugs I used to try and mask the pain. I woke up scared as I felt a clutching pain in my chest. The beeping of the heart monitor sped up as a sharp pain shot down my left arm. My eyes widened in terror. I was too young to have a heart attack! I tried to reach for the nurses' call-button as the pain increased and my breathing became shallow. I couldn't will my arms to move. I HAD to get to that button. "A.J." I managed to rasp out of my parched throat. It was enough to wake him combined with the alarms that were now going off on the EKG machine. He bolted up right on bed. "Oh shit! AARON!" He ran out into the hall yelling for the nurse. Tori was awake now too. She was sitting up with a bewildered look on her face. A.J. took my trembling hand into his as one of the nurses pushed a syringe into my IV line. She strapped an oxygen mask onto my face as the pain in my chest subsided and the EKG machine quieted down. A tear ran down A.J.'s face as he gripped my hand. "Don't worry," he said softly, "everything's going to be alright." I slipped into sleep with A.J. and Tori each holding one of my hands. I truly believed him as my eyelids closed and my body relaxed. Maybe tomorrow things would look better. To Be Continued.....maybe..... PLEASE MAIL ME! :'( (sorry this chapter is so short, im not very inspired lately, can't you tell?)