He was fealing sick. Having no idea where the hell he was, there was nothing but a sick smell of Vanilla chasing him. He wanted to scream but his head was throbbing. He thought he had died. But the Vanilla aroma kept strong, forcing him to come to reality, and that is how Nick Carter woke up.

He opened his eyes and let out a moan of pain. His hand reached to his forehead and he foght hard not to throw up. When things calmed down a little he managed to look around and saw Brian lying in the bed,sleeping next to him.

Nick grinned. They probably got really drunk last night. But he still had no idea how that had happen. Why they were waking up together. He remembered talking to Brian and giggling, laughing and saying bullshit.

Nick sighed. Slowly the images began to come back to him. And it hit him like a shock. Suddently Nick froze and looked to a sleepy Brian. He was far away in dreamland. Nick's mouth dropped open in disbelieve. Had him and Brian...? Had them...? Oh my f*cking God, did they have sex?!?

Nick was baffled, but still he couldn't help but laughing. Oh, God! It couldn't be true! No way Bian and him had...

"I went down on him." - Nick said frozen.

"Brian, wake up!" - Nick began to shake him and Brian whined in protest. - "Wake up!" - Nick was laughing. What the hell had they done?

"What, Nick? I am up!" - Brian sat on the bed rubbing his eyes. He was quiet during a whole minute when he finally said something. - "My head is gonna blow up!"

"Well, funny how you used the word 'blow'." - Nick grinned.

"What you mean?" - Brian looked at him with his cute and swollen face. Can't help it, Brian is cute anyway.

Nick looked at him and waited. Brian led his hand to his forehead and let out a moan of pain.

"Did we get drunk?" - he asked.

"I'm dead sure we did. All I know is that if I smell something close to Vanilla, anything, I'll puke."

"Oh, my God." - Brian said only as this sentence from Nick made lots of images rush through his mind. "Nick... I'm thinking of something right now..."


"Just answer this: Is there any chances I dreamed about me giving head to you?"

Nick had an outburst of laughter. 'Yeah, the denial.' - he thought.

Brian stared at him.

"Oh my God." - he said again looking at Nick.

"Yeah, Brian. Not only we have a hell of a hangover, we also screwed each other."



"It was not like that. We were drunk. We... we..."

"We did it, Brian. Face it. We had sex."

"And aren't you concerned about it?" - Brian asked.

"Why should I be? For sleeping with my best friend? Never in my life I planned on sleeping with a guy, but I'm glad it was you now that it happened."

Brian nodded. Nick was right.

"I'm not gay. I know I'm not." - Brian said.

"I'm a pussy lover. Can't even ask me that question."

Brian grinned.

"Oh my head!" - he moaned.

"I know it wasn't supposed to have happened, but honestly I don't regret it." - Nick sighed.

"You don't?"

"Well, no. Do you?"

Brian waited a little before answering.

"Well, I don't know. I regret and I don't regret at the same time."


"Hm, there is no way I can say I didn't like what he did. It was amazing. It was good I can't and don't even wanna try to describe it. Guess we'll just live it down."

"Sure. We'll live it down. But again, what makes you regret?"

"Honestly Nick, I'm afraid this may change our friendship."

Nick looked at the sheets covering him and Brian up till their chests.

"It won't Brian."

"How can you be so sure? Nick, I love you, you are my best friend, and as much as I had a great deal of fun last night I'd hate myself if something changed between us."

"Brian, what happened wasn't your fault. We both did it."

Brian sighed.

"Do you mind if I put my boxers on to go through this conversation?" - Brian asked as he looked under the sheets and saw they were still naked.

Nick grined and both boys got ttheir boxers on.

"Weird how the boys haven't arrived yet." - Brian said.

"Well, its eight o'clock. Night might have been good."


"Good. Now we have the time to discuss this situation. No witnesses."

"Nick... You really think our friendship won't suffer anything with this?"

"No, Brian! It won't change, I love our frienship, it means the world to me! I couldn't bear to lose you. Maybe we can face this night as one more experience to never getting drunk when we are together and away from other people's sight!"

Brian laughed.

"True that."

Nick placed his arm around Brian's back and they stared at each other.

"I promise nothing is gonna change." - Nick said.

Brian smiled. Nick was saying the truth, he could feel it.

"Ok." - Brian rested his head on his shoulder. It didn't feel strange. Not at all. They were friends and would always be friends.

They kept quiet for a long time, huging each other.

"Hm, ok!" - Nick sighed. - "I gotta go get dressed. Still didn't change my mind about breaking up with the Kama Sutra Bitch."

"Willa?" - Brian laughed.

"Yeppers!" - Nick agreed getting up.

Brian was happy seeing nothing would ever change between them. Life was amazing. Nick was amazing. He was sure that was the end of the story, but maybe, just maybe this could've been just the begining.


Two months later. We were getting together to the making off of the video Larger than life. It would be a mega production, so that would demand lots of time from us.

Nothing in my life could be better. Nick and I were completely fine with each other. Hanging around, talking, goofing off... Being the friends we always were. But sometimes I gotta confess this bothers me a little. Sometimes, but just sometimes I wonder if he ever think of that night we got drunk and slept together. Because I do. Not that I ever wanted to do it again. Its just that... well, to me at least it was very strong to just live down. Anyway I don't talk about it first because I know I gotta forget it for my own's sake. And second because as I said my life is perfect now. I got back with Leighanne.

I really think I miss judged her. She is awsome! I love that girl.

Hm... ok, there is one more reason why I didn't even talk about it with Nick. Its just that he seems so happy without remembering this! He's been having at least three dates with different girls during the weeks. I bet he never thought about what happened between us... Oh, shit, why am I thinking this? I don't want him to think about this! Do I...? No!, Hell no! Its fine the way it is... Its just fine.

"Hey, Brian. I'm going out with Kathy today, so that I just thinking if you could tell anyother girl that may call me that I had to go to Florida for a couple of days..." - Nick grinned to me.

"Sure." - I grinned back.

"Thanks..." - Nick looked around. - "What about Leigh? I thought she'd be here with you..."

"Oh, she had something to do, but she'll be here as soon as possible."

"Oh, ok." - Nick said smiling and moving away.

He had never called her BBB again. I wonder if he still hates her.

Shit, did I notice how much I've been wondering lately? A LOT, Mr. Littrell!

Maybe that was just the way things were supposed to be.

Whatever it was I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to have time to think. Because I knew I couldn't think about Nick and the night we had. It wasn't that I couldn't let it go... Its just that it keeps bitching me the fact Nick never talked about it again. How come he can go on living as if nothing had happened and I can't? Its not fair!

"Brian, honey..." - She said from behind me. I had no idea how much time had passed Nick had gone away and I gave in to my thoughts.

"Sweetie, Leigh... I missed you." - I said kissing her forehead.

Thank God she is here. I hate being by myself.


Six months.

Time is passing by so fast!

Everything is peferct. Me and Leighanne are engaged. Me and Nick are still best friends. The other fellows and the group are fine as usual. How can I be so damn lucky?

Sometimes I see Nick staring at me and smiling. Does he know I still think about what happened? I know it sounds stupid coz its impossible, but I really question myself about whether or not he forgot what happened between us.

Oh fuck it all! I don't want things to change.

I'm happy. Evething is perfect.

Sometimes, but just sometimes I feel something that makes me sad. Nick seems to be out of touch. He's been hanging around with AJ instead of me. I hate him. He said nothing would ever change. But if it did change, was it because of that night? Shit! I begin to regret it... But still the feeling of regreting is better than...

Oh well, Leigh is here. We are going out for dinner tonight. Its good because I hate being alone. I hate having time to think.


One year later.

Nick is definetly avoiding me! I feel this! There is so much going on in his life and he just won't open up to me!

I sit here all by myself in my room. Leigh has just left. We made the final arrangments for our wedding. We are gonna get married next week. We love each other. I wanna have a family with her. Maybe its just perfect because I don't want to have time to think.

The door bell rings.


"Yo, Brian. I just thought I'd come by to hang around a little."

I smiled. I was happy to see him.

"Is Leigh here?" - he asked looking around.


"So... are you ready do be a married man?" - he grinned.

"I think so. I love her. I'm sure I'll be ready."

Nick sat on the coutch. He wanted to talk but I could feel he didn't want to be there. Oh, God, that was the first time something rushed through my mind. Nick hated me. He felt disgust about me coz of that night.

"Night? Which night? Oh, you are talking about that one we got drunk?" - Nick giggled at me.

"Exactly. Did you ever think about it?"

"Hm, yes and no. Sometimes I do think but ya know how we've been busy as hell. I just have so many things to do that I don't have much time to think of things that have passed."

That was the first and the last time I talked about this with Nick. I felt silly.

We talked about trivial stuff the whole night till he went away. That I remember we didn't even touch each other.

When he left I buried my head in my hands and cried. I was losing him, I knew.


We have a new record coming up. Now we are on a tour around the world in 100 hours to promote the Black and Blue album.

Me and Leighanne are happly married.

Everything is perfect.

The fuck with this, nothing is perfect! I hate my life, I hate my wife and I hate Nick. He rarely talks to me! Its like he doesn't want me close! He has this new girlfriend and I was the last to know about it! What is he thinking? Why doesn't he just say he wants to give our friendship a break? Maybe because we are already on a big one?

Anyway he has no right to act like this. We promised each other nothing was gonna change. And now he is avoiding me. If we speak fifteen minutes during a day its too much! Why? When did this happen to us?

I feel empty. Suddently nothing that I have makes sense. It's dead corny and stupid if I say I feel like that song from Britney Spears. Lucky. Yeah Brian, thats just the answer to your problems. Now you are a popstar unhappy. Funny... funny how in so little time everything is messed up. Not to mention screwed up.

Ok, so I'll just carry on. Nick's been clubing a lot now that he is twenty one. He gets drunk frequently and I bet he gets laid everyday with girls he knows he will never ever see again. Fine! He is living his life and so am I. Me and Leigh are planning a big trip when I got home from this crazy trip and before we go on tour to promote the album.

Fuck. I still hate being alone. I still hate missing Nick. He was my best friend. I still need him. I won't cry... Maybe my problem is that I could never let go on that night he had sex. I still don't know if I had sex or made... No Brian. Don't think this kind of shit. I better sleep.

I buried my head on the pillow and forced myself to sleep. Tomorrow we'd be in New York to finish this crazy trip. But I had already lost my hopes of understanding what went on between me and Nick.


Ok. Now its a record. Me and Nick have spent the whole day of his twenty two years old birthday together and all I said was: happy birthday. Not only he is avoiding me, I think I'm avoiding him too.

We fell apart.

Yesterday I was looking at some pcitures from the Frick & Frack era. I miss that times. I miss them so much it hurts. I miss Nick's friendship so much I wanna cry.

And it was when I looked at the picture Samatha so proudly put in her book, of me and Nick sleeping together when he was fourteen years old that I made this decision. Tomorrow I was gonna talk to Nick. I couldn't stand it anymore.


It was hard but I got to take Nick in a time we were both alone. We were at the dressing room after a concert. The last from the Black and Blue tour. The other fellows had gone home. I managed to get Nick to stay saying we needed to talk a little. Having no clue of what I was about to say Nick stayed.

"So, Brian... what did you want to tell me?"

"Don't you know?"

Nick shook his head in denial.

"Nick... don't you try to say I'm wrong. We've fallen apart. Our friendship, our conection. We rarely talk to each other. He never hang out anymore. Ever since that night we slept together nothing has been the same. I can't take this anymore."

"Brian, it has nothing to do with that night! Nothing has changed! Its just that now you are married and I've been really busy so its obvious we don't have that much of time to talk and hang around."

"Its not Nick. Nothing's been the same. I will confess that I still think of that night and I hate the fact that it changed things between us. You began to avoid me. And you promised nothing would change. You promised and you broke your promise, Nick." - I said looking him in the eyes.

Nick stood up and looked back at me. Never looking away from my eyes.

"You are right." - he said. - "I broke my promise."

Nick turned around to leave but I couldn't let this happen.

"Why did you do that?!" - I yelled to his back. - "Why did you break your promise?!"

Slowly Nick turned around and faced me. I was shaking in anger. Nick was calm. His voice came softly.

"I'm sorry I fell in love with you." - he said before turning around and walking away.

Aw, ain't this cute? LOL So, you think it was surprising? Just something, guess I forgot to say who I am. My name is Luciana de Jesus and I go by Luciana Littrell. :o) So, if you have any comments I'd love to hear! My e-mail is LUCIANAPOPSTAR@HOTMAIL.COM