Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 23:00:05 -0500 From: Thack Subject: What I Feel For You 160-166 The legal stuff: This is a sexually explicit story (at times) involving homosexuality. By continuing to read, you affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regard to the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or other celebrities named herein. This is a work of fiction entirely. Hello, everyone. This didn't get out as soon as I had hoped, but I think you are going to like it. I worked very hard on this installment. Thanks to everyone who has kept in touch with me. I appreciate the comments. And, happy holidays to those of you who celebrate those things. Dan, I still love you. Okay. Here's the deal with this installment. There is a contest involved! In honor of the real Drew Lachey's stint on Broadway in the hit show "Rent" I have created a year-long contest. For those of you that don't care about the contest, just jump into the story. It is written just like any other installment. The Contest: Hidden in Scenes 160-166 there are 15 Broadway references. There are five hidden Broadway show titles. Five Broadway show characters. And five Broadway show lyrics or song titles. Some will be easy to spot but others will be very difficult. Every month during 2005, I will donate $10 to two different organizations for the first correct contest response. The two organizations are the Nifty Archives and Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. I am willing to donate up to $240 total (which is a very large sum for me since I am in graduate school) because I appreciate the value of each organization. For more information on the contest, go to: www.whatifeelforyou.com Scene 160 I woke the following morning and happily realized that my right leg was bent. It was a wonderful feeling, as if I was finally human again after so long in that horrible cast. Then I realized Drew was absentmindedly rubbing my back. I was on my stomach and I had to turn my head so I could see him. He was lying there naked, the cotton sheet barely covering his legs. The scars from his surgeries were apparent but he didn't seem to be worried about that. "Morning," he smiled as he continued rubbing my back. "Morning. I'd kiss you but I'm guessing I probably have some hideous morning breath. At least judging by the last thing I swallowed." "You said it tasted good!" he cried as he slapped me on the ass. "It did. But it's not exactly minty fresh." Drew grinned and leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. "You know that was the first time since we were in Hawaii." "Well, I would hope so!" I laughed. "Don't make fun, Alex. It's just weird, that's all. I wish I could have been more...accommodating." "I know, honey. The irony is that I totally wasn't interested in sex at all. That's what I was worried about talking about with you. I didn't know what you were expecting." "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting a hummer, that's for sure. Do you realize how hard it is to have you do that without me being able to move? It was torture." "I bet," I grinned. "At least it didn't last long." "I'm not sure if that was an insult or not." "Just a very long dry spell for both of us, that's all. And don't feel like you need to do anything for me. I mean, eventually you will. But, for right now you need to concentrate on getting stronger. Does it still hurt?" "Like a bitch." I rolled over on my side and looked at him. He did look thin and weak in comparison to when I had first met him. He never complained, but so often he couldn't hide the sudden pains that hit him when he did everyday tasks like sit up or even laugh. "What about you?" he asked. I grinned. Out of the two of us, he certainly had been through the worst. Although I never talked to any of his doctors about it, it seemed plausible that he was at the brink of death at least two times that I knew about. In comparison, my memory problems, broken leg, and minor internal injuries were nothing. "I'm just happy to be out of the cast." "I bet. What about the remembering thing?" he asked, as if he were reading my mind. "Better," I sighed. "I still don't remember much of that night. And the stuff I do remember might be memories from that dream I was having so I'm really not sure what is reality and what is fiction. Every once in awhile I'll forget I spoke with someone but it's getting better." "Justin mentioned it yesterday." "Really?" "Yeah," Drew said. "He said he had told you he was coming to visit but you didn't seem to remember it." I suddenly felt flushed. "I don't." "It's okay, Alex. Everyone forgets things now and again. We've all been through some major trauma and I think it's fine to forget things now and again. Justin is just getting paranoid because he seems to be the one you tend to forget." "That's awful." "I think it's funny!" "That's mean!" I said, trying not to laugh along with him. Drew's laugh turned into a coughing spell and I immediately saw the pain on his face. He went through these spells about three times a day, occasionally hyperventilating. "Don't breathe too deep," I said. "You need the doctor to check that out." "I'll make you a deal," he said after about two minutes of concentrated slow breathing. "I'll have the doc runs some more tests if you promise to go back and have the memory issues looked at again." "Deal," I said, crawling over to him and kissing him square on the lips. "You're right," he chuckled. "Hideous morning breath." "Ugh!" Scene 161 The following day was spent mostly at doctors' offices. Nick drove us over and dropped us off. We were a sorry pair. I hobbled away using a cane and Drew waited patiently for an orderly to bring a wheelchair. He had graduated past needing a wheelchair at home but whenever he went to the Medical Center where all our appointments were they insisted on wheeling him around. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to fight anyone about it. That, in itself, worried me. If Drew thought he could make it around on his own power there is no way he would have agreed to a wheelchair. "Bye, Drew. I'll see you later," I half-smiled. There had been a battle of epic proportions in the car on the way over. I was glad when we finally had gotten to the hospital. "I'm staying with you!" he had practically screamed for the third time. "No," was all Drew said. "Bro, I told you I'm staying." "No, you're not Nick. I'm going from one appointment to another. What are you going to do? Sit in the waiting room all day long? That doesn't make any sense. You said you wanted to take some time and write. This is the perfect time. Neither of us will be around to bother you." "But what if you need me?" "Damn it! Why do you think you have a cell phone?" The argument eventually ended in Drew winning, as he almost always does. For a moment I had thought about asking Nick to stay with me. I didn't want Drew to know, but I was worried about my appointments. My first appointment was for physical therapy. Ironically, both Drew and I had the same physical therapist. It was some guy named Mark that Drew said was a good guy. This was my first time there. It was, however, the second appointment that had me worried. I was scheduled to undergo a CAT scan to make sure there weren't any lingering problems with my brain. My first CAT scan had been in Minneapolis, with Drew and Mike right outside the door. I wasn't sure I wanted to go through that ordeal alone. About halfway through my physical therapy appointment he stopped me. We had introduced ourselves and gotten down to business. Drew was right; Mark was a good guy. Certainly he was easy on the eyes, which made some of the pain in my leg bearable. "Can I ask you something, Alex?" "Sure." "You're not really with me here. Are you against the physical therapy?" "No, I'm just worried about this afternoon." "Oh, mind if I ask why?" Mark inquired. "Wow, you sure are polite," I laughed. "It's just that I have a CAT scan, among other tests. And I've done that before and I'm not exactly looking forward to it. Especially since I'm here alone today." He nodded and went back to work. "Why isn't your boyfriend here?" he asked after a minute or two. "Am I that transparent?" "I don't know," he smiled. "I've got good gaydar. I live just off Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. It goes with the territory." I shrugged and tried to think about the best way to answer Mark. I wasn't sure how much, if any, Drew had said about me. Not wanting to out my boyfriend, I opted for discretion. Actually, I decided to avoid the question completely. "Mark, do you mind if I use the phone for a second?" "Not at all. We were about to take five anyway." I limped over the Mark's small desk in the corner of the office. "Hello?" "Oh, good. I wasn't sure you'd answer. I should have said something earlier, but do you mind coming over to the hospital?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing, Nick. I just don't want to be alone this afternoon. I know Drew said you were working on some new songs but I kind of want you here." "Of course, Alex. Anytime. Anywhere." "I'll explain when you get over here." After my physical therapy appointment I had retreated to the lobby to wait for Nick. If my leg wasn't in so much pain, I'm sure I would have been pacing. "Alex! What's wrong?" Nick asked as he bounded through the automatic doors. "Sorry," I said quietly. "What are you sorry about? Is everything okay with Drew? You're starting to scare me." "Everything is fine, Nicky. It has nothing to do with your brother. I'm sorry for getting you worked up." "I won't be if you tell me what's up." "Just come with me." Sensing he wasn't going to get much more information out of me, he simply followed. Actually, he led more than followed because I was walking so slowly. After a short elevator ride, we arrived at my next appointment. "Computerized Axial Tomography" was printed in bold letters on the nearby door. "Why didn't you say something?" Nick asked softly. "I don't know." "Does Drew know?" "I didn't tell him," I said. "Wait a minute. How do you know I'm freaked out about this?" "Well, first off, anyone who isn't a little freaked about getting a brain scan should have his head examined." I laughed in spite of my dour mood. "And," Nick continued, "Drew told me about how you didn't do well with the CAT scan in Minneapolis. Why didn't you say something, Alex? I can understand not telling Drew because you didn't want to upset him, but you should have told me." "So I could upset you?" "Yes, basically." "What if I thought I could handle this on my own?" I countered. "Well, you're not doing a very good job of that," he smiled. "So, just shut up and lean on me. Physically and emotionally." The next hour or so crawled by. It wasn't as though I was officially freaking out about the CAT scan. I just had so many awful memories about it. When I told the lab technician about what had happened in Minneapolis that seemed to spark a heated debate among everyone but me about whether I had had a CAT scan or an MRI. I tuned out and simply did what they told me. This time I had to take what they called a "contrasting agent". It was this nasty stuff you swallow that helps them read the scan. Following that I sat around for a couple of minutes for the stuff to take effect. I had visions of radioactive muck running through my blood but they all promised me it was harmless. Next was the worst part, or so I thought at the time. You get strapped down to the table and it feels a bit like torture. Just before the test started I found Nick standing beside me gently holding my hand. "Let's make you better," he said. Strapped down and scared, I realized it was the point of no return. I told the tech I was ready and the machine began to make a cacophony of noise. I was doing okay for the first 20 minutes. Then I started feeling a bit nauseous. I hoped it was only psychosomatic but then I remembered lab tech had told me some people feel a little green after taking the contrasting agent. After about 30 more seconds I decided I really did fell nauseous. Knowing that if I threw up on the $500,000 or more CAT scan machinery someone would get pissed, I held it in. I tried my best to breathe and not think about it, which only made me focus on how horrible I felt. It was like being seasick and knowing you're stuck on the boat for another 2 hours. Fortunately for me, it was only about 8 minutes. The tech was standing over me and he started undoing the restraints just after the test. "You don't look so good," he said. "I think I'm gonna hurl," was the only warning he got. He jumped away just in time for me to throw up my breakfast on the floor. I missed both the expensive machinery and Nick who was standing nearby. The lab tech wasn't as lucky as I hit him squarely on one knee. "Oh, God!" I exclaimed. "Don't worry about it," he said casually. "It happens at least twice a day. And I don't worry; I don't pay for cleaning the scrubs. Just forget about it. Forget the entire morning." "Ironically," Nick said, "that's why he is here. I'm hoping he's not going to forget anything." Scene 162 "It's official," Drew said to me from the front seat of the car. I had been sitting in the back seat, trying to relax after my incident in the hospital. Nick had ventured in to collect his brother. I had been surprised to see Drew walking to the car rather than riding in the wheelchair. "What's official?" I asked as Nick hopped in and buckled up. "I can have sex now!" "Drew!" Nick yelled. "Just because I'm cool with Alex doesn't mean I need to hear that. How would you feel if I told you about every time Jess and I had sex?" "What?" I asked, suddenly very much interested in Nick's love life, simply because most of America knew he didn't have one. "You didn't have sex with Jessica," Drew stated. "No comment." "That means he didn't," Drew said directly to me. He looked back at his brother. "Besides, it's not like I told you that Alex gave me a blowjob last night." I could feel all the blood rise to my face as Nick glanced in the rearview mirror. My eyes met his and right at that moment I wanted to die. "What?" he asked, unsure of why he was now privy to the details of my sex life. "No comment," I responded. "That means he did," Drew announced to both of us. "Umm, honey. Why are you even talking right now?" "Because I can have sex again. It's a milestone, damn it!" "Oh," both Nick and I said in unison. "Well," Drew began. "The doctor didn't exactly say sex. But she did say that I could resume cardiovascular activity, provided I stop if I feel any pain" "I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole," Nick said without a trace of a smile. "I'm not sure what my proper response is supposed to be," I remarked. "So I'll stick with the generic, 'Good, Drew' and leave it at that." "But..." Drew piped in. "Honey, please shut up. That's all I ask of you right now. Please." Drew started laughing. Nick was quiet the rest of the way home. That evening the three of us were sitting in the living room watching a less than thrilling documentary on PBS about baseball. I should temper that by saying that both Nick and Drew seemed very excited about it. And, PBS did as well. They repeated ad nauseam during the pledge break that this show was from the producers of some other insanely dull looking documentary about the Great Depression. I was practically gleeful when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said, picking up the cell phone nearest to me. I had gotten used to living with the two of them but often forgot that we all had the exact same phones. You might think that three intelligent men would think to customize our ring tones but that wasn't the case. Only when they both glared at me did I realize I hadn't picked up my own phone. "Nicky?" "Hey, Jess," I smiled as Nick tried to grab the phone. "Alex?" "Yeah," I laughed. "I haven't talked to you in ages." "I know," she sighed. "I'm sorry about that." "Don't be," I replied. I'd come to consider Jess as a friend of convenience. I really only expected her to be a good friend when it was convenient for her. I never explained that to anyone because it sounds so mean, but it's the truth. With her schedule, she really didn't have the time to worry about too many people. I knew that if I called her she'd be there, like she was when I was with her in Orlando. But, until we were living in the same zip code, I didn't come to rely on her. "Nick told me you got the cast off. That's so great." "Yup," I grinned. Nick was glaring at me for talking to his fiancée and I wanted to exploit every minute of it. "So, when do I get to see you?" "Soon. That's really why I'm calling. I'm in Chicago right now but I was going to tell Nick that I'll be out there next week." "Wow, that's awesome. My friend Sharon will be in town from Minneapolis. It will be like a little reunion, with Justin coming, too. We should get Jeff to drive up from the OC." "You watch too much TV!" I heard Drew yell. "Sorry," I said. "We'll make Jeff drive up from Orange County." "You already said that," Jess whispered into my ear, probably thinking I was having one of my infamous memory spells. "Sorry," I laughed. "Let me hand you off to the ugly one in the room. He's glaring at me." "Okay, Alex." Nick grabbed his phone, playfully socked me in the arm, and headed off to his bedroom. Although I was confident he hadn't messed around with America's most popular virgin, I had occasionally wondered if they had phone sex. But, that was something I'd never ask. As carefully as I could, I snuggled up next to Drew on the couch. He seemed fairly enraptured with the PBS show but soon I found him stroking my hair. "Jess will be here next week," I said softly. "That's good. We should do something." "Yeah. All of us will be here. I'll plan something. Next Saturday. That's sort of my job, isn't it? At least I used to be the travel planner. Do I even have a job now?" "Shhh," he whispered. "Don't worry about that. We both need to get better, first." "Okay." "And I think you should plan something. A big dinner, maybe. Do you want me to call Jeff?" "No, I'll do it," I said. "Later, though." "Okay, baby." A few minutes later I was fast asleep, listening to Drew's heartbeat. Scene 163 "Retrograde amnesia with post concussive syndrome." "Is that good or bad?" Drew asked nervously. "Is that good or bad?" I asked over the phone. As I was asking I was hoping that doctors in Los Angeles wouldn't want to call you with bad news. That seemed like something that required a face-to-face meeting. It turns out I was right. "Good," I explained to Drew. He wrapped his arms around me briefly, even though we were in public. Our first trip to the supermarket had turned into a joyous celebration. "Basically," I explained to him after I hung up with my doctor, "it's the accident that causes the memory loss. They can't really explain it but since it seems to be lessening they aren't really too concerned. Oh, and the CAT scan was negative." "CAT scan? When did you get a CAT scan?" "Last week," I said meekly. "Damn it! Why didn't you tell me?" "Calm down, Drew. We're in the middle of the produce section here, remember? I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you. Besides, Nick was there and it all worked out." "Don't do that to me," he said sharply. "Do what? Spare you from worrying about me over things you can't control?" "No secrets! I don't care if it keeps me up at night. I don't want any more secrets!" Placing myself in his shoes, I had to admit he was right. "Deal," I said. I leaned across him to grab a couple of Valencia oranges. "I'm sorry." As we continued our shopping adventure, I knew we had made the right choice. Rather than head to the closet market, we drove a little further to West Hollywood. It seemed that the constant stares we were getting used to weren't coming from the paparazzi. Instead, we were getting cruised by several different people in the produce aisle. Drew was leaning on the cart for support and I was grabbing different items. It was innocent enough to avoid any headlines but obvious to most people with well-tuned gaydar. "Alex? Oh, and Drew?" We both turned to see Mark, our physical therapist pushing a nearly full basket. I had remembered him to be handsome but out here in the real world he was gorgeous. He was wearing a tight-fitting tank top and a pair of long running pants, clearly having come to grocery shop after hitting the gym. His hair was covered by a buff that looked remarkably like the ones they market on "Survivor". "I thought I pegged you two as a couple," he said softly so no one around would hear. "Well," Drew flustered. "No worries, my man. Doctor-client privilege and all that good stuff," he smiled. "You look good together." "Yeah, me with one leg half as big as the other and this guy with most of his internal organs still battered and bruised." "Well, I think you guys look great. And you're both getting stronger. I'd say strong enough to have a little fun." Drew turned eight shades of red and I did my best to keep from doing the same. "Whoa!" that came out wrong, he laughed. "I was just thinking that you might like to join me and Roger for dinner at our place. Nothing fancy. But, I imagine you're a little stuck when it comes to gay friends right now. And Roger is totally cool. He's a cop and he's not out at work so he gets the being discrete stuff." "Well," I replied. "I was wondering if all that food in your cart was just for you." "Nope, cooking for two. Four, now, I hope." Drew looked at me and I could read his apprehension. "How about I look at our schedule and get back to you?" I replied. "Things are starting to get a bit crazy and we have a whole clan coming into town next week." "Sounds cool. The invitation is always open. Well, except for Thursday nights. I'm addicted to 'Survivor'," he said, pointing to the "buff" on his head. "You know how to reach me. Call me at the office if you want." We said our goodbyes and finished our shopping fairly quickly. On the way home Drew was uncharacteristically quiet. "What's wrong," I asked. "Nothing. I guess I wasn't ready for that." "For what?" "Becoming gay," he laughed. "I didn't know what to say." "It's totally up to you. I do trust Mark in that I don't think he has anything to gain by outing you." "I agree. It's just something I haven't thought about in awhile." "Just take things one step at a time, baby." He reached over and grabbed my hand. I felt the warmth from his body enter into me. It felt good. Scene 164 When I saw Sharon at baggage claim at LAX I practically squealed like a schoolgirl. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so happy. Clicking her high heels, she dodged the hapless crowd of travelers and gave me a hug. Keeping up with her, I suddenly realized, was going to be a challenge. Everything about her made me grin from ear to ear. Despite the time that had passed since I saw her, I felt very close to her. "Alex!" "It's good to see you," I said, trying to catch my breath. She had squeezed the life almost out of me. "You look good, baby!" "Well," I smiled. "Thanks for lying." She grinned and started to catch me up on all the latest gossip going on at the hotel. I had to admit I missed the soap opera politics that went on at that place. My old boss who I couldn't stand hadn't lasted long after I had resigned. According to Sharon, she couldn't handle the rooms forecasts. Those very forecasts where the ones that I always did for her every week, even though it wasn't officially on my job description. After gathering her luggage, we went outside to wait for Drew. Drew and I had argued that he should stay home, but he insisted that he was up for driving now and was sick of staying at the apartment. Again he pulled the "I was in a coma" card and won the argument. But, I had told him that was the last time he could use that as a reason to have things go his way. He did look a little frazzled but the time he pulled up in the loading zone. Anyone that has ever tried to negotiate the Los Angeles International Airport knows what a mess it can be at peak hours. "Drew!" Sharon called as he got out of the driver's seat to help load the luggage in the trunk. He slowly walked over and she kissed him, square on the lips. I could have been wrong, but I thought I saw the flash of a camera at that moment. I took the distraction as a way to angle myself into the driver's seat. Since Drew didn't argue I decided I was right that he was tuckered from driving in circles around the airport. The three of us were off. Drew sat in the back seat, even though Sharon insisted he didn't. He can be very persuasive, however. In the 40 minutes it took to get to Sharon's hotel, we had essentially caught up with most of the important topics. I pulled into the porte cochere at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel. A part of the Hollywood and Highland development, it was viewed as the first step in the revitalization of Hollywood Boulevard. I had only been there once and had marveled at how the complex was built around the existing historic Mann's Chinese Theatre. The complex included the hotel, as well as the Kodak Theatre, dozens of retail shops, as well as restaurants. It was quite a remarkable piece of urban architecture. It was, however, just the first step in the revitalization of Hollywood Boulevard. That meant that a block in either direction and you would run into prostitutes, the homeless, as well as sex shops and tattoo parlors. Minneapolis has a seedy side so none of this affected Sharon in the least. It was probably around 11pm by the time Sharon got up to her room. It had been a long day for all of us, but I promised to spend just a little more time with her before we left. Drew agreed and we went over to the bar for her to wait until she came down from her room. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Sure, why?" "The bar." "Oh," I smiled. "I didn't even think of it, to be honest. That's for asking, though." Drew had ordered us some club soda and we took refuge near the back of the lobby bar. Hotel bars are always hit or miss, but this one seemed very alive. Mostly young, attractive people seemed to be having a good time around us. Being in the heart of Hollywood, Drew's celebrity status (as well as the tabloid status of his recovery) didn't seem to faze any of them. If I had known more about the industry, I would have probably been able to pick out a studio executive or two. Or, at the very least, a young upstart agent. "Did you miss me, boys?" I smiled when I saw that Sharon had quickly transformed herself. She had gone from travel chic to urban stunner. No matter where she went, she always seemed to fit right in. That was a quality I always admired about her. Grabbing her cosmopolitan, she joined us at the cocktail table. "What are we talking about?" she asked. "Not much, really," Drew said. "You look great, by the way." "This old thing," she laughed, gesturing at her outfit. "Just something I threw on to impress my colleagues." "When does the conference start?" Drew asked. Already knowing the answer, I excused myself to go to the men's lounge. Drew smiled when I said it. It was a running joke that I never liked calling the bathroom anything but the lounge. I always thought it gave it an air of importance. But, this time I really wasn't heading there. I ventured to the Concierge desk to have them place some flowers in Sharon's room from me. "Sounds good," Drew said when I returned. "What's that?" I asked. "We are going to get everyone together on Friday night," he said. "Great! What can I do?" "Nothing," Sharon said. "I'm planning all of it." "But you don't even live here," I said. "And that makes me incompetent?" "No," I laughed. "Not you, anyway." "I'll be fine," she grinned deviously. "Drew promised to help if I need." "My job is to get Jess, Justin, Nick, and Jeff on board," he said. "I already mentioned it to Jess. She'll be here tomorrow, I think. Unless her schedule gets changed again. I don't know how Nick can manage her. Last I heard she was working on some deal with MTV," I said. "But, I'm sure he can convince her to come." "She'll come," Sharon said. "You don't even know her." "I have my ways," she smiled. I could only laugh. It felt good to have her back in my life, at least for a few days. Scene 165 "Eat a light meal before arriving. Dress is Hollywood chic. Be prepared for fun." "What's that, honey?" "Oh, those are Sharon's instructions for Friday night. She has a car picking us up at 7:00pm." "What is 'Hollywood chic'?" I asked Drew. "A trendy suit. No tie, but probably something Prada." "I don't own Prada," I said. "Yes you do. You just don't know it's Prada." "Great," I moaned. "Sometimes I miss being a hick in Minneapolis." "I've never seen you look like a hick," he laughed. "But, do you want some clothes advice?" "Yes, please." "Okay. Let's go look in your closet. I'm sure you have exactly what you need." We wandered into the bedroom and I thought two things. First, I wasn't really sure where all of these clothes had come from. I know that Nick had arranged for some new clothes for both me and Drew while we were recovering. My second thought was that I hadn't been back to my place in Minneapolis for months. I honestly couldn't remember what was originally mine and what had been purchased for me. Drew selected two outfits for me and, indeed, one was exclusively Prada. Not being a follower of fashion, I simply picked what I thought was the better looking of the two. Drew seemed to approve so I didn't think about it too much. It turned out to be a dark navy suit with a subtle pinstripe and a bright solid blue shirt. The suit fit perfectly and it seemed to cover up all the flaws I felt I had gathered since the accident. Those flaws, incidentally, were never noticed by my boyfriend. "Do you mind showing me what you're gonna wear?" "Oh, course not," he said, deftly removing his shirt. Drew looked far better than I did in his black suit and slate gray shirt. In fact, he was stunning. I thought to myself how I needed to tell him more often when he looked good. I know that after the accident I had developed a lower self-image of myself and I didn't want that happening to Drew. He did, however, seem to be handling his recovery a little better than I was. After admiring each other for a few minutes, we both got undressed. I noticed my hair was getting longer and it just didn't look right. I thought to myself that I needed a haircut, or at the very least a can of hairspray. "Do you mind if I go run an errand?" he asked when we had finished the impromptu modeling session. "No," I said a little dejected. I had hoped our undressing would lead to a little romance. "Do you want company?" "Actually, this is something I want to take care of on my own." "Are you sure you're up to driving?" "I'll be fine, Alex." I walked over and gently wrapped my arms around him. I closed my eyes and for a moment everything seemed perfect. I wanted to hold onto that feeling as long as I could. "I'll be right back," he promised. "Okay, honey. I love you." "I love you, too." I had just settled down on the couch for a little nap when my cell phone rang. "Hey, buddy." "Mike!" "Yup. What's going on?" "Not much," I said. "Well, actually it's a bit nuts here, but in a good way." "Yeah, I hear Sharon is in town." "Yeah, she's planning some sort of event. All the guys will be there, and Jessica, too." "That's great." "Oh, I wish I had thought of it, Mike. You should be here, too. I don't know when we all will be able to get together like this." "I know, buddy. Jeff called me and asked me to come, already. But, it's just not good timing." "Jeff?" I asked, quite surprised. "First Sharon and Justin. Now you and Jeff?" "Well, not really." "Oh, that came out wrong. I just meant I didn't expect you and him to be talking. It's not an issue." "He needs a friend and he's a good guy. We talk quite a bit, actually. And, no. I'm not applying for a position in your club." "Very funny," I laughed. "But, I do have some good news to share." "What's that?" "I got promoted. Ever since Aaron left they have had a hard time filling the Athletic Director position. I finally decided to give it a shot. They kept asking me but I wasn't ready to give up most of my clients and become the boss." "Yeah, it's not as glamorous as people think." "Oh, I know that very well. My third day last week and I had to fire someone. Talk about trial by fire." "Just put your mind to it, Mike. I'm sure you'll go great. Your staff will love you." "Thanks, Alex." "Of course." "I'll let you go," he said. "I'm sure I'll see you soon." "Bye." I laid back and grinned. Mike was family to me and hearing good things about his life made me feel great. Feeling fairly content with life at that moment, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep with the afternoon sun warming my body. Scene 166 "Ready for this?" Drew asked as we rode down in the elevator. "Every time I see you all dressed up get so horny." "Now is not the time for that," he laughed. "Tonight?" I asked. "Yeah, baby." We walked out the front door and I saw the towncar driver waiting for us. I smiled when I noticed it was the same driver that had driven us to the medical center the week prior. "Good evening, Mr. Jackson. Mr. Lachey." "Hi, Dan. I told you to call me Drew." I was glad Drew knew the guy's name because I didn't remember. But, I guess when a guy helps you in and out of wheelchair you tend to remember his name. "It's a habit, Drew," he smiled back. When we climbed in the car we didn't know where we were headed. It was a short side over to Hollywood and Vine, that infamous corner. Dan pulled up in front of the Pantages Theatre. The brightly lit marquee announced the show playing: "Movin' Out". When I lived in Minneapolis I followed the Broadway shows, both in New York and on tour. It had been some time since I had actually had the chance to see one. Sharon was waited for us when we got out. "Wow!" I said, both for the brilliant idea of seeing the show and for the way she was dressed. "Hello!" she smiled as she hugged me. She was gorgeous in her black cocktail dress. "I've wanted to see this ever since I heard about it," Drew said as he hugged Sharon. "This is the Billy Joel show, right?" "Yes, it is," I replied. "Is everyone coming?" I asked her. "Yes. I'm so excited." "How did you get tickets for all of us?" "Why am I in LA, my dear?" "To see me?" Drew glared at me. "To see us?" I responded, looking directly at him. "Wrong again, my man." "The conference?" Sharon helped. "Oh, the Concierge conference!" "Precisely," she grinned. "This is what I do." There seemed to be some commotion behind us and I turned to see a limo pulling up. When I saw Jessica climb out of the back I felt my heart patter a bit. She was stunning and I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her. Nick soon followed. I was about to give Sharon grief because Drew and I only seemed to rate a town car, not a limo. Then I saw Jeff and Justin climb out. It had been so long but everyone was finally together. I only wished Mike could have been there to join us. The crowd of theatre-goers gawked at the spectacle we were creating. The traditional demographic of a musical is slightly older than the styles represented by our contingent. People whispered but one on approached. For a moment, no one seemed to know what to do. Sharon made the first move and went to introduce herself to Jessica. Justin stood there, taking in the scene, perhaps unsure what had transpired over the course of the few weeks he had been away. Jeff was the first to break the tension. Waking over to us, he grabbed Drew and hugged him. "I'm glad you're here," I heard Drew say. "Thanks for including me," Jeff responded. Next he embraced me and held me for a moment longer than he should. Justin was next to hug me. He was exuberant, to say the least. "You look good, Chief." "Thanks. I feel much better." Jess was next. She had me lean over and she kissed me on the lips. "I'm so happy for you," she grinned. "Huh?" "She means because you are getting better," Nick jumped in. "Right," she said, although it seemed a little awkward. "Curtain is in 15 minutes," Sharon announced. "Let's get inside." We entered the theatre. From the outside it looks fairly plain but on the inside it is a marvel. The ornate ceiling had been carefully restored and it was a classic example of why some older building should be saved. Somehow, in Sharon's magic, she had scored us tickets in the center section about 10 rows back. The seats where perfect. I ended up sitting between Jess and Drew, with Nick on the aisle next to his fiancée. Justin was to the right of Drew. Sharon was pleased to be surrounded by both Justin and Jeff. "What's this about, Nick?" I heard Jessica ask. "It's a show of Billy Joel music. They created a plot from the songs and aside from the vocalist that plays the piano, all the rest of the story is done through dance." "You should read the synopsis," I interjected. "It will help you understand what is going to happen." I was excited to be seeing the show. I had heard many good things about it and it just had been too long since I'd seen any theatre. The lights dimmed and the band started playing. In the darkness, I felt Drew grasp my hand and squeeze it tight. By about ten minutes into the show I was hooked. The choreography by Twlya Tharp was complex and the dancers were truly talented. The story line was much more emotional than I had imagined it could be. Several times I was in tears and I noticed Drew was the same way. It made me feel good to have a boyfriend who had the same emotional reactions to art that I did. At intermission everyone went in search of refreshments. Drew and I decided to stay in the seats and relax. "I miss it, Alex," he said softly. "Drew," I replied just as quietly, "I've seen you dance. You're better than me but I doubt you could handle a third of what those dancers are doing." "Not the dancing, dork! If I don't have to do another pelvic grind in my life I'll be happy. Well, I should temper that. If I don't have to do another pelvic grind in public I'll be happy." I laughed, knowing exactly what he meant. "But, I miss being on stage. I miss performing. I know there's a place where I belong, Alex. I've always felt that way when I'm performing." "You're still recovering." "I know. But I'm tired of waiting. I feel like if I don't act on it, I'll lose whatever opportunities I may have." Before I could respond the others had returned. Drew silently shook his head, indicating he didn't want me to talk about it to anyone else. It was that kind of subtle gesture that I could read and understand that made me fell like he was such a part of my life. "What do you think, Jeff?" I asked as he passed by on the way to his seat. "Pretty damn, cool." "I don't get it," Jess frowned as she sat down in the seat next to me. "Did you read the synopsis?" "No." "What did I tell you before it started?" "To read the synopsis," Nick helped. "Okay. Sheesh!" Jess laughed. She pulled out her program and read over the story line. "Oh! So James is the one that is killed in Vietnam?" "Yes." "And Tony and Eddie where with him?" "Exactly. And Eddie feels responsible for James' death." "Yeah," she laughed. "It does make sense now." I could only laugh as the lights came down and the second act began. By the end of the show I felt very much alive. It was hard to describe, actually. The story had tremendous sadness, yet the cast seemed to embed a tremendous optimism into their work. And the irony in all of it was that there really wasn't an ending. Some of the characters ended up together, but just like in life, there was a sense that everything could change. I was excited about being in that theatre at that moment with Drew. It was a tremendous high; the sort of feeling you can only get in live theatre. As we slowly walked up the aisle with the rest of the audience to get outside, I had to fight myself from grabbing Drew's hand. Several times I touched the small of his back as he walked in front of me. Jeff was walking to my left and he smiled when he saw me touch Drew. In his smile I didn't see sadness. He seemed content, at least as content as he could be given the situation. Once we got through the crowd and outside, we saw the super stretch limo waiting for all of us. Sharon had more tricks up her sleeve. We were on our way to another location. I felt so alive and ready to have fun. At the time, I had no idea how my life would change so drastically in the course of a few hours. We took a short ride down Hollywood Boulevard only to end up back at the Renaissance Hotel. Sharon ushered us out of the limo and into the lobby. The Manager on Duty was there to greet us. I smiled at her, thinking back to the day I had been the MOD the day I met Nick. It's funny how life twists and turns the way it does. Moments later we were at the door. "It's the Panorama Suite," Sharon gushed as she opened the door. We walked through the foyer and into the vast living room. There was a small seating area, a baby grand piano, as well as a dining room table elegantly set for dinner. The lights were dimmed and the room was filled with at least 100 candles. Beyond the flicker of candlelight sat the view. The vista was spectacular. The floor-to-ceiling windows of the curved room showed about 135 degrees from any vantage point. Off in the distance were the shimmering towers of Downtown LA. "Wow," was all I could say. Everyone except Sharon walked up to windows to enjoy the view. I marveled at how vast the city was. From our vantage point at the top of the hotel, we could see for miles. The lights were like a carpet of Christmas lights spread across the landscape. I felt Drew's arms wrap around me from behind. He rested his head on my shoulder and I felt him breathing. I turned around and gave him a quick kiss, feeling somewhat insecure with everyone around us. By now everyone had gathered in seating area. Drew took me by the hand and led me over to them. It was only when I heard the voice that I realized something was going on. "It's about time you got here," he said from behind me. I turned to see Mike. I don't know if I was more surprised to see him or to see him dressed in a suit. For a straight jock, he looked really good all dressed up. "What are you doing here?" I stammered. He smiled and walked over and joined the rest of the crew. "Alex," Drew said to me. "There's something I need to ask you." To be continued... Send feedback to thack98@comcast.net Check out www.whatifeelforyou.com