Date: Wed, 20 Apr 2005 16:36:45 -0400
From: Thack <thack98@comcast.net>
Subject: What I Feel For You 167 and Epilogue

The legal stuff: This is a sexually explicit story (at times) involving
homosexuality.  By continuing to read, you affirm under penalties of
perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are
entitled to have access to sexually explicit material.  The content and
opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regard to the
sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or other celebrities named
herein.  This is a work of fiction entirely.

This is it, folks.  The end of the line.  I've been writing this tale since
1998, if you can believe that.  Although a large part of me wants to keep
going, I feel like it's time to devote my creative energy to another
project.  Hopefully, some day you will be reading a novel by me that you
actually paid for at a real bookstore.  But, that goal will never happen
until I let Alex, Drew, Nick, Jeff, and all the other characters ride off
into the sunset.

I thank everyone who has read the story.  I also thank Nifty for being here
to facilitate all of this.  I'm sure some of you won't be happy with the
ending.  Others, I know, will be overjoyed.  I've loved writing the
characters, especially Drew.  Like all good heroes, he's flawed in many
ways.  His confusion is something we all can relate to.  I'm proud that he
was able to connect with the love that was inside of him.  That's what a
real hero is all about.  Try to open yourself up to love in your life.
It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Scene 167

I looked around and wondered what was up.  Honestly, I had no idea, even if
it seems obvious in retrospect.  All eyes fell to Drew, who looked a bit
overwhelmed right then.

"Alex," he said softly.  "I love you."

"I know that, baby," I responded, glancing briefly at Jeff to gauge his
reaction.

"And there is something I've been wanting to ask you," Drew continued.

I looked at him and saw a spark of light in his eyes.

"This is something I've wanted to ask for you a long time now.  Before the
accident, really.  But, I was scared.  I didn't know how you would react
and it wasn't until we were both in the hospital that I knew I needed to do
this."

"What's going on?"

In one quick motion Drew got down on one knee.  He laughed a little,
obviously out of nervousness.  Only then did I realize what was happening.

"Alex, will you marry me?"

To say I was a little surprised would have been an understatement.  A
collective hush had fallen across the room and I don't even know if I was
breathing at the time.  I looked down at Drew and smiled.  Before I could
say anything I felt the tears start.

"Alex?" he said softly.

"Yes."

"Really?" he asked, a bit surprised.  "I mean, I know it's not legal but we
can still have a ceremony.  It's not exactly being married, but..."

"I said yes, Drew.  Now, shut up and kiss me."

I reached down and pulled Drew up to my level.  He gently reached up and
wiped away a tear from my cheek.  I smiled and kissed him.  It was a slow,
lingering kiss.  In an instant I had forgotten that everyone was watching
us.

"Baby bro," Nick said.  "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Damn it!" he said.  "I wanted this to be perfect."

"You're doing a good job," Mike responded.

"I'd say so," I grinned.

Drew shrugged and reached into his pocket.  He pulled out a small jeweler's
box.  Inside was a simple gold band.  I looked at the ring and saw a small
pattern had been etched into the gold.  On the inside read an inscription.

"AJ and DL," I said to everyone.

"I still have to be careful," Drew said bashfully.

"Stop it," I said.  "It's beautiful.  But, why do I suddenly feel like the
bride?"

"Yeah, I always thought of Drew as the girl in your relationship," Justin
quipped.

"That's enough out of you," I scolded.  "I just mean that I got the
engagement ring and I don't have anything for you."

Fortunately for me, I had Mike in my corner.  Without words he walked up to
the two of us.  He grabbed me and hugged me tightly.

"Congratulations," he whispered.

With that, he also handed me a small box I had known so well.  The sides
were well worn from it being stuffed repeatedly into my suitcase.  It was
the ring I had bought for Drew that Christmas.  I never had given it to
him.  In fact, I wasn't even sure where it was.

"Where did you find this?" I asked in amazement.

"It doesn't matter," Mike said with a smile.

I knew he was right.  I turned back to Drew and slipped the ring on his
finger.  I kissed him once more.  Our lives would forever be linked from
that moment on.

Epilogue

I can't say it's always been happily ever after but we are giving it a good
run.  Since this is an ending I'll skip all the trivial drama and dive into
where we all are now.

I guess the most important news is that Drew and I did get married.  We had
a very small ceremony two weeks before Nick and Jess got married.  It was
in a small chapel in the hills above Santa Barbara.  Mike was my best man
and Sharon was there to watch.  Nick, of course, stood up for his brother.
We had many discussions about the ceremony but ultimately Drew won, as he
always does.  I wanted to invite his entire family but he said it was just
for us.  He didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable and he also didn't
want to have to worry about anyone.  Surprisingly, for a wedding with so
many singers, no one sang.  Although Justin and Jeff started humming "Here
Comes the Bride" until Jessica shushed them.  Drew and I walked down the
aisle hand in hand.

Our wedding was followed by a much more lavish affair.  Nick and Jessica
were finally wed.  Part of me wished Drew and I could have all the pomp and
ceremony.  I wished I could have sent wedding invitations to the few
friends I still had in Minneapolis.  On their wedding day, however, I
changed my mind.  Both Nick and Jess were pummeled by long-lost relatives
and they hardly had a chance to spend any time together.  I have it on good
authority, however, that Nick did have some much deserved "quality time"
with his new bride that evening.

Officially, 98 Degrees never broke up.  After canceling the tour, they
announced a hiatus.  The intention was to reschedule the tour as soon as
Drew was healed.  Unfortunately, that took much longer than expected.
During the accident in Hawaii he damaged his trachea.  The stamina needed
to sing on tour simply wasn't there since the guys never resorted to
pre-recorded vocals.  After a short group meeting, everyone decided to do
their own projects.

I'm sure everyone knows about "The Newlyweds".  Both Nick and Jessica had
albums coming out and MTV approached them about taping their lives, like
the reality TV show "Real World".  After what seemed like months of
negotiations, the two parties finally made a deal.  If I said, "The rest is
TV history", I'd be lying.

Jessica's father, who is also her manager, became one of the Executive
Producers.  He had almost complete creative control on the show.  I was a
little worried before I met him.  He was, after all, a preacher from the
South.  Yet, like his daughter, both he and his wife have always been very
open to me and Drew.

That brings me to Leah.  If you ever watched the show, you probably saw
quite a few moments where Leah was with Drew.  What you didn't see was that
I was almost always just off camera.  Although I'm sure MTV would have
loved to have Drew come out, they never knew he is gay.  Or, at the very
least, they never could confirm it.  Drew and I had many long conversations
about it.  I knew it wasn't my decision to out my husband.  He needed to do
it in his own way and his own time.

When Drew brought up the idea of having Leah on the show, I thought he was
going crazy.  He thought, however, that if he was always hanging around his
brother and Jess alone the careful viewer might actually decide he was gay.
So, Leah became Drew's cover.  We get along a lot better now than we used
to, but she's never going to be my best friend.

Nick's album didn't do as well as we had hoped.  If you're one of the
people that bought it we sincerely thank you, especially if you paid full
price.  After disappointing sales, Nick threw himself into being a husband.
Well, at least that's what we wanted you to think.  He played the studly
house husband on the show while his wife traveled the world promoting her
album.  While Nick certainly did that, he also spent hours and hours
working with Drew.  I'll tell you more on that later.

My best man went back home to Minneapolis.  Mike was born in the frozen
tundra and he'll always live there.  He's quite happy managing the Personal
Training Department at the gym.  I finally decided to sell my condo and
once I mentioned that he decided to buy.  Of course, I gave him a huge
discount.  He's still trying to find that one special woman.  He did,
however, develop a great friendship with Jeff.

Jeff went through some tough times after the weddings.  The best way to
describe it was a type of depression.  He refused to see a doctor about
medication like anti-depressants.  He also refused to see a psychologist.
We all tried hard to help him out but ultimately it was Mike that did the
trick.  Mike invited Jeff up to Minnesota late in the summer.  The two of
them did one of Mike's favorite things.  They drove up to the Boundary
Waters, a National Forest site that has a series of lakes that separate
Minnesota from Canada.  Armed only with camping gear and a canoe, they
spent 5 nights under the stars.

Neither of them talks about what went on up there.  I like to think they
had some sort of Spirit Quest, like those of the Native Americans.  Mike
has always been balanced.  He always knew what was important in life.  I
think he helped Jeff unlock that within himself.  When he got back to LA,
Jeff wrote me and Drew a very moving letter.  I've decided that some things
deserve to stay private.  He did, however, move back in with his wife
Patricia.  While raising Alyssa they had a son and named him Jeffrey.

We see Jeff occasionally, although not as much as we would like.  After
witnessing Nick's daily battles with the record company over control of his
album, Jeff decided to do things on his own.  He released a self-produced
album.  Although not as flashy as Nick's, it certainly is heartfelt.
During the promotion of the album, Jeff did an appearance at Chicago's gay
pride event.  Drew and I have never been prouder of the man as that day.

My friend Sharon ended up moving away from Minneapolis.  She moved to
Cincinnati, which is where Justin is.  They both claim that neither of them
planned for that to happen.  It is, I think, more than coincidence that
Sharon decided to start a personal concierge business for the wealthy elite
of Cincinnati.  After maintaining separate residences for some time, they
finally moved in together.

Justin did some behind-the-scenes work in the music industry for a bit.
Then, however, he started thinking about things.  Nick has always said that
he wants to eventually move back to Cincinnati and run for mayor.  Well,
Justin has beat him to it.  In the spring of 2005, Justin announced that he
was running for Mayor of Cincinnati.  Each of us is looking forward to
supporting him in his grassroots campaign.

Out of anyone I know, however, I'm most proud of my guy.  He's come so far
from that rocky lava field when I held him in my arms and thought I had
felt his last breath on my cheek.  When he tried to start singing again
specialists from around the world all told him to stop trying.  Drew went
to see some vocal coaches and they said the same. Fortunately, the Lachey
family doesn't listen to the specialists.  Nick decided he needed to help.
Instead of picking up the phone and trying to find someone else, he decided
to do it himself.

Nick became Drew's vocal coach.  They started from the basics.  I'd never
seen Nick more passionate about anything, with the exception of his wife.
Both Lachey brothers know a lot about singing, but Nick wanted to make sure
he was doing the right thing.  What you didn't see on "The Newlyweds" was
Nick reading book after book on physiology and psychology.  He made himself
into an expert and then started working with Drew.

They started with the basics.  In fact, Nick wouldn't let his little
brother do more than breathing exercises for almost three weeks.  It took
months of tireless effort by both of them, but it proved successful.  When
they started Drew could sing for about 10 minutes before losing his voice.
In the end Drew could outlast his big brother.

When Drew felt like he was finally back to professional level, the group
had a meeting.  Everyone was ready to start back again but Drew had other
plans.  He saw how everyone's lives had evolved and knew it wouldn't work.
Instead, he made an announcement that surprised everyone except me.  After
all, it was my idea in the first place.

Drew and I moved to New York where he starred on Broadway as the gay film
student Mark in "Rent".  Eight times a week he transformed himself from my
little stud to a geeky neurotic man who was lost in his own world.
Although hopeful, the story is rough.  As Drew's run in the show
lengthened, it took him longer after each show to come out of his
character.  Drew understood Mark's feelings of loneliness and loss.  It
broke my heart to know that but I did my best to support him.  There were
several times when he asked me not to talk to him between the matinee and
the evening show on the weekends.  It seemed as though it was easier for
him to just be Mark for the day rather than expend the emotional energy to
come out and return.  It was scary and those were the days I held him extra
tight in our bed at night.

I, for one, was glad when Drew's run in "Rent" was over.  It was
emotionally draining, not to mention the fact that I had seen it so many
times I could understudy for just about any role in the show.  Call me
devoted or crazy, but I only missed Drew perform four times when I had a
bought of food poisoning from some questionable McNuggets.

I kept myself busy, however.  Instead of getting what Mike refers to as a
"Real Job", I went back to school.  I found an online MBA program and
started studying.  Drew hated it, especially when I had my statistics
course.  Just to bug him I'd ask him questions about standard deviations
when he couldn't talk because he needed to rest his voice.

Now we're back in LA.  Drew has been looking at offers from other Broadway
shows.  He's also considering guest starring on TV shows like Nick has done
on "Charmed".  Everyone involved has decided to forget about the straight
to video horror film Drew was in.  I just finished up my degree and the two
of us are taking a break, so to speak.

We were laying in bed a couple of weeks ago and Drew said, "Would you
believe a story like ours?"  I laughed and said that I wouldn't.  He
grinned and kissed me.  The next morning I sat down at the computer and
started typing.  I started the tale on the 17th floor of a hotel in
Minneapolis and ended it in a suite at a hotel in Hollywood.

I don't know if anyone other than Drew will ever read this.  If they do,
they probably won't believe it.  It is a crazy story.  But, in the end,
that's what makes love so great.

The End.

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