Date: Tue, 7 May 2002 23:00:34 -0400
From: Thack <thack98@mindspring.com>
Subject: What I Feel For You 26-33

The legal stuff:  This story is sexually-explicit, involving homosexuality.
Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you
to break local laws (village, town, city, county, province, state, or
country, etc.), please leave now.  By continuing, you implicitly declare and
affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company
of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually-explicit material.
The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with
regards to the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or any other
celebrities named herein.  It is a work of fiction entirely.

It's funny how life works sometimes.  I've been dealing with a lot of
personal issues lately.  In fact, they are life-changing ones.  I've been
using this story to tackle some of those things and it's been really
theraputic.  I highly recommend writing if you ever feel like working
something out.

If you're looking for another good story, I highly recommend "Search and
Rescue" by Matt Hunter.  You can find it in the Nifty archives under the Boy
Bands sub-directory.  Some of the characters in my story are based on
"Search and Rescue".  Matt was kind enough to let me use them in my little
tale.

One last thing:  I want to say a public thank you to my friend Jase.  He is
the most amazing person I've ever met and I'm truly blessed to have him in
my life.  Thanks, Jase, for everything.  I love you.

Thack

thack98@mindspring.com


Scene 26


As I was walking to work the next morning I tried to sort things out.  It
was hot for the end of August and I could feel the heat and humidity
pressing down on me.  I felt awful about the way I handled the situation
with Drew but ultimately I knew it was the right decision.  Simply put, I
didn't have the time or energy to devote to a relationship with someone who
would never be around.

Once I got to work I tried my best to forget about Drew.  I was doing a
fairly good job and getting a lot of things accomplished.  That is, until
the phone rang at about 10:30am.

"Reservations, this is Alex.  How can I help you?"

"I miss your hotel."

I recognized Jeff's voice instantly.  I was a little surprised to hear him.

"You do?"

"Of course," he said.  "This is the second day we've been here and I
haven't seen anyone here I want to put in the hospital."

"Nice one, Timmons," I laughed.  "By the way, where are you?"

"San Francisco.  Why?"

"I just wanted to know."  I was thinking about the phone call the night
before, when I didn't know where Drew was.

"What are you doing next weekend for Labor Day?"

"I don't know.  Nothing, I guess," I said.

"How about coming to Orlando to see us?  We're taping a TV special at
Disney World.  It should be a lot of fun.  Have you ever been to Disney
World?"

"No, I haven't.  But, Jeff, I can't afford to fly half way across the
country."

"It's on us."

"No!" I said.  "I can't let you do that.  I really don't want to owe you
guys anything."

"Owe us?"

Before I could respond I heard the phone being passed to someone else.

"You wouldn't owe us anything."

"Nick, that's awfully nice but it just doesn't seem right.  I didn't become
your friend so you could buy things for me.  That's just not who I am."

"Precisely."

"What?" I asked.

"Alex, if any of us thought you were trying to be our friend because you
wanted something from us we wouldn't be making this call.  It's obvious you
don't want anything from us but let me ask you something.  Would you do it
for me if you could?"

"Yes."

"See, it's really that simple.  Besides, it's our show and Disney is
picking up the tab for anyone we bring in.  I was going to fly Jessica in
but she has two shows that weekend.  And I'm sick of these three guys.
You'd be a welcome chance of scenery."

"So I'm second choice after Jessica?"

Nick laughed.  "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"No," I laughed, "I guess not."

"So you're coming, right?"

"Let me think about it."

"Okay.  Here's Jeff again.  It was good to talk to you."

"Thanks, Nick.  You, too."

The phone was passed back to Jeff.  In the background I heard a door shut.

"It's me," Jeff said.  "I'm alone now.  There's another reason I think you
should come."

"What's that?"

"Drew really wants you to come."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  What did you say to him last night?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, afraid that Drew had told Jeff what I had told
him.

"I don't know what the right word is.  I suppose it's 'determined'.  Drew
came up to me with this determined look and asked me to help convince you
to go to Orlando.  What happened?"

"I basically told him I didn't think we should start something that will
only lead to heartbreak.  I said I didn't think we should see each other."

"Wow!" Jeff replied.  "He sure didn't listen.  He must have more faith in
what the two of you have than you do.  Do you really think it won't work
out?"

"I don't know.  It just doesn't seem very practical with him on the road
all the time."

"Is that it or are you just scared?"

In a split second I decided to come clean.  "I'm terrified, Jeff."

Jeff started laughing.  "You should really see Drew.  He's been restless
all morning since I told him I was calling you.  What's wrong with this
picture?  You're scared to see him and he's scared he won't get to see
you."

"I'm just not good at this," I said.

"Who is?  It's not easy, Alex.  Trust me on that.  But sometimes the best
things in life are the scariest.  You just have to take a deep breath and
jump in.  Drew will be there to catch you, I promise."

"I don't know."

"If it would make things easier, invite Mike along."

"I can't," I said.  "One of Mike's cousins is getting married that
weekend."

"What about Sharon?"

"She'd really enjoy that."

"Then it's settled.  You and Sharon are coming.  I'll email you all the
details when I get them, okay?"

"I guess so."

"This is a good thing, Alex."

"Jeff," I said.  "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything?"

"What happens if Drew isn't there to catch me?"

"Don't worry about that," he said softly.  "Just in case he's not there,
you can count on me.  I won't let you get hurt.  I promise you that."


Scene 27


The week went by quickly.  Jeff kept me updated via email.  He told me they
left San Francisco and headed to LA.  He was using terminology I didn't
recognize so they were either working on a video or on the album.  I
shouldn't have been, but I was too embarrassed to ask which.  I had only
talked to Drew once.  He told me that Nick was in the room so he couldn't
say much.  Despite my fears, I really was looking forward to seeing him
again.

The trip down to Orlando on that Friday evening was uneventful, although I
was a little out of my element.  Sharon and I arrived at the airport to
pick up the tickets and we found out we were flying first class.  Sharon
squealed with glee, as she is apt to do from time to time.  The whole thing
made me slightly uncomfortable.  I had only flown a handful of times in my
life and suddenly I was jetting off to Florida for the weekend in first
class.

The flight wasn't nearly as bad as what happened at the airport.  There was
a young lady dressed in a black suit complete with a matching cap standing
at the gate holding a sign with our names on it.  She couldn't have been
more than nineteen.  Several people looked us over, trying to figure out if
we were important, I presume.

"Relax and enjoy it," Sharon whispered to me, sensing my discomfort with
the attention.

On the way out to Disney World, Sharon started asking questions to the
driver.  They got along really well so I just tuned out the conversation.
It was dark, of course, but I stared intently out the window.  I'd never
been to Florida before.  It felt very different than Minnesota or my native
California.

"What am I doing here?" I thought.

I snapped back to reality, suddenly realizing we were at the hotel.  We
drove up in front of Disney's Boardwalk Inn.  The hotel was designed to
look like an old wooden hotel on the Atlantic City Boardwalk.  It was
something to see, all lit up in the night.

I went inside to check-in while Sharon supervised the bellman with our
luggage.  By now I wasn't surprised to have someone greet me when I entered
the lobby.

"I'm Becca," she said with a huge smile.  "We've been expecting you.  Did
you have a nice flight?"

"Yes, thank you."

I heard Sharon's footsteps behind me.  Becca introduced herself and asked
us to follow her to our room.  The three of us plus the bellman headed to
the elevators.

I know a thing or two about hotels, but I was certainly impressed by the
room.  It wasn't a room, but a suite.  The living room had large,
overstuffed couches.  Everything was in pastels and crŠmes.  There were
two bedrooms, one on each side of the living room.  There was also a
kitchenette.  The best feature, however, was the balcony.  I missed it was
first because the French doors were closed, but Becca walked over and
pointed it out.  The balcony looked out over the Boardwalk and a large
lake.  Looking down, I could see dozens of people walking, looking at the
shops and restaurants on the ground floor.  It was a magical scene.

"It's beautiful," I said to Becca when I stepped back inside.

"Yes, it's pretty remarkable, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No," I smiled.  "You've been great."

"Here is my card," she said, handing a card to me and to Sharon.
"Mr. Timmons has asked me to take care of you both while you are with us.
If I don't have my cell phone on, it will ring to the Guest Services Office
and one of the other hosts will be happy to help."

"Becca, that's really not necessary."

"Mr. Timmons told me you would say that."

Sharon laughed and I started to blush.

"Anything you need, please call," she said as she walked to the door.
"Good night."

As soon as Becca had left the room Sharon kicked off her shoes and leaped
onto the nearest couch.

"Isn't this wonderful!"

"It's pretty nice," I said, trying to downplay my own enthusiasm.

"Hey!" she said.  "Let's call Becca.  I'm hungry."

"Becca is not a toy!" I scolded.  "I'll kill you if you do anything to
embarrass me."

"I was kidding, Alex!  But, I am hungry."

After she said it I realized I was hungry also.  I walked into the
kitchenette and found it fully stocked.  There were snacks and an entire
plate of sandwiches.  There was also a note from Jeff.

"Sharon," I said.  "There's a note from Jeff.  It says: Welcome to Florida!
We thought you guys might be hungry.  If there's something else you need,
just order it from room service.  Anything you need this weekend is on the
house.  All you need to do is charge it to the room.  Our concert is
tomorrow night, so we'll be in blocking rehearsals all day tomorrow.  Plan
on coming to the show.  Becca will tell you where you need to be.  We have
most of Sunday off so we can hang out then.  Have fun!"

"Damn!  He's a nice guy!"

I laughed at Sharon's comment.  She had gotten up and walked in to grab
some food.  I didn't tell her, but there was another note addressed to me.
I opened it up and saw Drew's handwriting.  Before I read it I crossed the
living room and stepped out onto the balcony.  There was a small light that
gave me just enough light to read.

"Alex.  Thank you for coming.  I know this is all a little strange for you.
It is for me, too.  I'm sorry I made Jeff ask you to come.  I was afraid
you'd say no.  Can you meet me for breakfast tomorrow?  Meet me in room
6502.  Come by around 8am.  Drew."

I stuffed the note in my back pocket and walked back inside.

"I'm going to go check out the Boardwalk.  What to come?"

"No," I said.  "You go ahead.  I'm pretty tired.  Let's plan on doing
something tomorrow morning.  How about 9:30am?"

"Sounds good."

Sharon changed her clothes and headed out to find some trouble.  She was
always good at that.  I unpacked and got ready for bed.  It was a little
early to be going to bed, but I wanted to get plenty of sleep.  I set the
alarm clock for 7am.


Scene 28


I looked at my watch and waited.  I was standing in front of Room 6502.  I
didn't want to be too early for fear of appearing eager.  Of course, I was
pretty excited to see Drew, so I imagine I would come across as eager no
matter what time it was.  At precisely 7:54 am I knock on the door.

Seconds later Drew opened the door.  I grinned, knowing that he was
probably standing on the opposite side of the door when I was trying to
decide when to knock.  He looked good, even better than I remembered him
looking.  He was wearing gray sweatpants, a white sleeveless t-shirt, and a
blue baseball cap.

"Hi," he said, almost shy.  "Come on in."

I looked around and noticed that the room was the same as my bedroom,
except it had two queen beds in it.  Drew had pulled open the drapes and I
could see the lake out the window.

"This is Jeff and Justin's room," he explained.  "Nick and I are in the
other bedroom on the opposite side of the living room.  Sorry about the
mess.  I asked Jeff and Justin to clear out of here so we could be alone.
Nick already left this morning, so he shouldn't bother us."

"Remind me to thank Jeff and Justin for the use of the room," I smiled.

Before Drew could respond there was a knock at the door.  Since I was
closest, I stepped over and looked out the peephole.  Seeing it was the
food, I let the Room Service waiter in.  The man wheeled in a cart filled
with plates.  Drew walked over and signed the bill.

"Thank you Mr. Lachey.  Enjoy your breakfast."

With that, the waiter looked at me, smiled, and let himself out.

"Ah, Drew," I said sheepishly.  "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm
really not that hungry."

Drew sort of shrugged his shoulders.  "I didn't know what you would want so
I told them to bring one of everything."

The gesture was really sweet, although slightly wasteful.  I almost said
something to that effect but then decided not to ruin the moment.

We sat down to eat.  Although I'm really not a breakfast eater, the food
was delicious.  Apparently Drew wasn't that hungry because he wasn't really
eating.  We engaged in some small talk, mostly about my trip down to
Florida.  Drew seemed very shy, as if he was trying to say something to me.

"What is it?" I finally asked.

"What?"

"What's going on, Drew?  It's like you want to say something to me."

"I was wondering," he began.  After a short pause he started over, looking
directly at me.  "I was wondering if you would go on a date with me?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"What do you think?  Do you think I flew half way across the country to
avoid spending time with you?"

"You could be here to see Jeff," he reasoned.

"You're right, I could.  But that's not why I'm here, Drew.  I know I was
kind of mean to you the last time we really talked but I was just scared,
that's all.  I did want to see you again.  So, yes I'll go on a date with
you."

I saw a smile slowly spread across Drew's face.  He took a deep breath in
and exhaled slowly.

"Well, here's the deal," he said.  "We can't go on a real date, because."

"Because you're in 98 Degrees," I said, finishing his thought.

"I'm sorry," he replied.

"Drew, I understand."

"Thanks.  We can go have dinner.  Tonight is our concert, so I was thinking
we could do it on Sunday night.  Just pick the place and our host will set
everything up.  You met Becca, right?"

"Yeah," I said.  "I like her."

"Me, too.  She'll get everything set up.  Just try not to make it sound too
much like a date, okay?  I trust her and the Disney hosts are notorious
about protecting guest privacy."

"Sounds good to me.  Where do you want to go?"

"I don't really care," he said.  "Just as long as you're there."

I tried really hard not to laugh but in the end I lost the battle.  By
trying not to laugh, I think I made myself laugh even harder.

"What?" Drew asked defensively.

"I'm sorry, Drew.  It's just that what you said was a little corny."

"No it wasn't!"

"Sorry, Drew.  It was really sweat but you only hear those sorts of things
in soap operas and love songs."

"Look at who you just said that to," he said defiantly.  "I may not be on
any soap but I'm pretty good when it comes to love songs."

"Okay, I'll give you that one."

"Just wait, Alex.  Six months from now when we're tired of each other,
you'll be begging me to say those lines to you."

I don't think Drew planned to say that, but he did.  I didn't know how to
respond.  Obviously Drew was looking at our relationship as a long-term
thing.  I looked over at him and saw him looking down at the plate of
untouched food.  Without thinking, I spoke from my heart.

"I hope so, Drew.  We'll just have to wait and see."

I think both of us were relieved.  Without planning on it, we had just
jumped a major hurdle in our relationship.  This wasn't just a weekend and
it wasn't just about sex.  We both wanted to make it work.  I reached
across the table and grabbed his hand.  He looked up at me and smiled.  We
stayed that way for a minute or so.

Finally, I let go.  Changing the subject a little, I asked, "What about
Nick?  What are you going to tell him when you disappear to go out with
me?"

"I'm working on that.  I just haven't figured it out yet.  As you can see,
Jeff and Justin are helping out."

"You know, you're putting them in a pretty difficult situation."

"I know," Drew pleaded.  "But what else can I do?"

"Tell him the truth," I replied rather sternly.

Behind me I heard a door open.  The color quickly disappeared from Drew's
face.  I knew instantly that it must have been Nick.


Scene 29


"Tell who the truth?" Nick asked.

Nick must have been surprised to find us there.  After all, Drew and I were
alone in Jeff and Justin's room with a mountain of food between us.  If
Nick had walked in just moments sooner he would have found his brother
holding my hand.

"Tell who the truth?" Nick asked again.

"Nothing," Drew finally said.  "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Nick cut back, clearly annoyed that Drew
was evading his question.  "I was looking for Jeff or Justin so I could ask
them where you were."

Drew, clearly unaccustomed to lying to his brother, was at a loss for
words.

Once again I had to try to save Drew.  I hoped that Jeff would know enough
to substantiate my lie.

"Jeff invited me to breakfast but he was gone by the time I got here.  Drew
heard me banging on the door and let me in.  The next thing we knew, all
this food showed up."

I don't know if Nick really believed my lie but it must have dawned on him
that he hadn't said hello to me yet.

"Sorry, Alex," he said.  "I didn't mean to ignore you.  I'm glad you're
here."

I was still sitting in the chair facing Drew.  Nick came up behind me and
put his hands on my shoulders.

"Jeff must have gone out for a run this morning and lost track of time,"
Nick said.

"You're probably right," I said.  "I know he liked to run when you guys
were in Minneapolis."

Nick let go of my shoulders and moved to the side of the table.  He grabbed
a handful of bacon strips off of Drew's plate.

"Drew," he said.  "Don't forget we have to leave for our blocking rehearsal
in about 25 minutes.  And, Alex, you and Sharon are going to be at the
concert tonight. Right?"

"That's why I'm here."

"Good!" Nick replied.  "I probably won't see you until after so have a good
day."

"What am I supposed to say?  Break a leg?"

"Something like that," he laughed.

I watched Nick walk out the door and across the living room to his room.  I
looked over at Drew and I could tell he wasn't doing so well.

"Before you say anything," I said, "you have to realize what this is doing
to you.  I can go on covering for you, if that's what you want.  I'm sure
Jeff and Justin will do the same.  I don't like it, but I'm not about to
make a decision like that for you.  Clearly you are not any good at lying
to your brother and I hope you don't start getting better at it."

I saw Drew's tears and I realized I was coming on a bit strong.  I stood
up, walked over to Drew and grabbed his right hand.

"Look at me," I said.

Drew continued to look down.  I squeezed his hand.

"Look at me," I whispered.  Drew's hazel eyes looked up at me.  "Trust his
love for you.  I haven't known either of you very long, but you have a bond
that I've always wanted with someone.  It's stronger than any friendship
I've ever known and he deserves to know the real you."

A slight nod of his head made me know that I was getting through to him, at
least on some level.  I squeezed his hand one more time before letting go.

"I should go," I said, "before Nick comes back.  Okay?"

Drew nodded.

Before I left I said one more thing.

"No matter what happens, Drew, I'll always be there for you."


Scene 30


Sharon and I spent most of the day at the Magic Kingdom.  Since I grew up
in California, I'd been to Disneyland quite a few times, so I was familiar
with much of the Magic Kingdom since they had similar attractions.  Sharon,
however, hadn't ever been to a Disney park.  She loved it.  I practically
had to drag her away that afternoon so we could get back to the hotel in
time to change for the concert.

We walked into the hotel lobby to find Becca standing there.  I was a
little surprised to learn that she was waiting for us.  All of this
personal attention was astounding to me.  I just didn't feel that
important.

"Did you enjoy your day?" she asked.

"It was terrific," Sharon beamed.

"Where did you go?"

"We were at the Magic Kingdom," I said.  "Sharon loved it but I could have
gone without the Tea Cups."

"I can't do that, either," Becca smiled.  "If you want to make it to the
concert on time, you'll have to rush.  I ordered some food for you.  It's
up in your suite.  Do you think 45 minutes is enough time to get ready?"

"You didn't have to order food for us," I said.

"It was my pleasure.  Mr. Lachey told me what to order."

"Which Mr. Lachey?" Sharon asked, smirking at me.

"It was Drew," Becca responded.

Before Sharon could say or do anything that was going to embarrass me, I
started pushing her toward the elevators.

"We'll be down in 45 minutes, Becca.  Thanks," I said.

I was amazed but both Sharon and I managed to eat and get dressed in 40
minutes.  Truth be told, I took longer than Sharon.  I was debating if I
should wear them but I finally decided to take the plunge.  I knew it was a
bit warm but I wasn't going to let a little heat stop me from looking good.
Much to my surprise, Sharon didn't make any comments.

"You both look great," Becca said when we joined her in the lobby.  "I love
the leather pants, Alex."

"Thanks."

We followed her to a car that took us over to Epcot, one of the other
Disney theme parks.  Becca said we could have easily walked over from the
hotel but she didn't want to risk us being late.  We ended up in what Becca
described as a "backstage" area.  She led us through a series of gates and
suddenly we were in the park.

Sitting in front of us was a huge lagoon.  Surrounding the lagoon were
buildings representing different parts of the world.  Immediately to our
right was a building that represented Canada.  Across the water I could see
an Inca temple, a Japanese pagoda, and a building that looked like
Independence Hall in Philadelphia.

"Wow!" I exclaimed.

"This is the World Showcase here at Epcot," Becca explained.  "All around
the World Showcase Lagoon you can visit different cultures from across the
globe.  In each pavilion there are native people from the country that
interact with our guests."

"What's that?" Sharon asked, pointing at the huge silver structure off in
the distance.

 "That is Spaceship Earth.  It's the symbol of Epcot, located in the Future
World area of the park."

"Where is the concert going to be?" I asked.

"It's this way," Becca said as she began to lead us clockwise around the
lake.  "The stage is set up so that all of the World Showcase pavilions
will be in the background.  We've shot a couple of Disney concert specials
there and the view is amazing.  It makes for great TV."

We ended up standing in a special VIP area set up near the stage.  We were
off the side, but it was still a great vantage point.  I turned to look and
saw hundreds of people in front of the stage.  There were a lot of teen-age
girls, and many of them held signs that showed their devotion to the guys
of 98 Degrees.  We were only standing there for a couple of minutes before
the show started.

The lights dimmed and the sounds of "Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)"
began.  Four female dancers took the stage and began a sensuous Latin
dance.  One by one the guys came out, each accompanied by the cheers from
the crowd.  It may have been my imagination, but I think Drew got the
loudest ovation.  Throughout the song, the dancers grabbed the guys and
danced a Disney version (a.k.a. family version) of Dirty Dancing.

"Don't be jealous," I heard Sharon whisper in my ear as I watched Drew
being pawed by the blonde dancer.

The guys sang all of their hit songs from the three albums.  I was amazed
at how much energy each of them had.  Knowing them the way I did, I could
see bits of their personality coming out in their movements.  I was most
surprised, however, with Drew.  When I saw him that morning he was
incredibly shy.  He was almost scared.  On stage, he was beaming with
confidence.  Singing was probably the one time he didn't have to think
about all the things that were facing him.

Near the end of the show, they sang one of their newest songs, a ballad
called "My Everything".  It really was a beautiful song.  I had heard on
MTV that Nick had written it for Jessica.  I could tell by the way he was
singing that it was coming straight from his heart.  Drew sang the second
verse.

Drew walked to the edge of the stage and looked right at me as he sang.

"Now all my hopes and all my dreams, are suddenly reality.  You've opened
up my heart to feel, a kind of love that's truly real."

I felt my heart melt.  It was like everyone else disappeared.  In those
four lines of music, Drew had said so much to me.

Sharon placed her hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug.  I was in a
dream and I didn't want it to end.

The rest of the concert went quickly.  I was in a bit of a daze so I didn't
really pay attention.  Suddenly fireworks were lighting up the sky and I
was swept back to reality.  When everything was over Becca appeared.

"I'll take you backstage to see the guys.  Follow me."

We followed Becca to an area just outside the gate we had used to enter the
park.  There were a couple of other people waiting there, eating the
catered food that was beautifully arranged.  There was a little commotion
when the guys came out, full of smiles and very sweaty.

Jeff was the first one to see us.  He came running over and he grabbed me,
pulling me into a hug.

"It's great to see you," he said.

"I thought you saw him at breakfast this morning," Nick said as he
approached.

"Damn!" I thought.  "Not again."

"I left before he got back from his run," I said, praying that Jeff would
know enough to follow along.

Fortunately, Nick couldn't see the puzzled look on Jeff's face.  I had
explained everything to Sharon earlier that day and she quickly grabbed
Jeff's arm and squeezed, giving him signal to follow along.

"Yeah," Jeff said.  "We must have just missed each other."

Drew, who had been standing next to his brother, let out an audible sigh.

"Nick," Justin said.  "Let's go say hello to the radio people, okay?  Come
on, Sharon, let's go schmooze."

"I'd love to!" Sharon replied.  Knowing just what I wanted, she managed to
get Nick on one arm and Jeff on the other.  They all followed Justin across
the room, leaving me standing alone with Drew.

"I can't talk too long.  Nick might get suspicious," he whispered.

"I know.  Thanks, by the way."

"For what?" he asked.

"For singing to me."

"I wasn't sure you'd notice," he said, blushing slightly.

"Wasn't sure I'd notice?" I repeated.  "It felt like you were giving me a
private concert.  It was the most romantic thing that's ever happened to
me."

"Really?"

"Should I not have said that?"

"No," he responded.  "That's exactly what I wanted to hear.  Have you set
up our date yet?"

"I'm working on it," I smiled.

We shared a comfortable silence before he spoke again.

"I need to go talk to some of these people, okay?  Nick wants to order some
dinner when we get back to the hotel.  I'm sure you and Sharon are welcome
to join us."

"I'd like that," I smiled.

Drew glanced over his shoulder, looking for Nick.  Seeing that he was
facing away from us, Drew reached up and grabbed my shoulder, giving it a
quick squeeze.

"Thank you for being here," he whispered before turning and walking away.

For the second time that night, I felt my heart melt.


Scene 31


When we got back to the guys' suite at the hotel we were all surprised to
find a buffet of steaming hot food.  Clearly Becca had anticipated our
needs, yet again.  She was such a professional.  I was planning on calling
her in the morning to get some help setting up my dinner with Drew.

The guys were famished after their performance, so Sharon and I stood back
and let them dig in first.  Once they cleared out, she and I surveyed the
food.

"Is this what you usually do after a concert?" I asked.

"You mean eat like horses?" Jeff quipped.

"Well, yeah."

"We used to go out to eat," Nick said, "but in the last year that's gotten
tougher to do so we usually settle for room service.  It's not usually this
palatial, though."

"It must be tough not being able to go out whenever you want," Sharon said.

"It is, sometimes," Justin answered.  "But when it comes down to it we are
lucky.  We're getting to do something we love and we get paid to do it.
That doesn't happen too often in this world.  With everything, there are
trade offs."

"When we were younger," Jeff continued, "we dreamed of all of this but I
don't think any of us knew exactly what we were getting into.  It's a lot
of work.  It's a business, after all.  But, I for one would never want to
give it up."

"What's the hardest part?" Sharon asked.

"Being away from family for so long," Jeff commented.  "I miss my family
tremendously.  We don't get to go home very often.  I'm glad I have the
three of them to keep my mind off of it.  I can't imagine what it would be
like being a solo act."

As Jeff was talking I saw Nick put down his plate.  He had a far off look
in his eyes as he stood up and walked out on the balcony.  Everyone else
was too engrossed in eating and talking to really notice.  After a couple
of minutes I went out to check on him.

I opened the French door that led onto the small balcony.  Nick was leaning
on the balcony, looking out at the lake.  I could hear music and the
laughter from the people walking on the Boardwalk below.

"Want some company?" I asked.

"Sure," he said without even looking at me.

I shut the door and took my place next to him.  I couldn't tell if he was
distracted or maybe annoyed that I bothered him.

"Do you want to be alone?" I asked after a couple of minutes of silence.

"No.  I was just thinking."

"About what?" I asked.  "Or who?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"If you're thinking about a certain petite pop singer, than yes."

"I just miss her," he said.  "I was listening to Jeff and Justin and it got
to me.  I was thinking that if." His voice trailed off.

"If you weren't famous you could be with her all the time."

"Yeah."  He stood up and looked right at me.  "How did you get to be so
perceptive?"

"I don't know," I laughed.  "I guess it's a defense mechanism I learned a
long time ago.  I needed to learn how to read people so I could figure out
if they would accept me or not.  Some people are easy but others I can
never figure out."

"So I'm that transparent?" Nick joked.

"As cellophane," I joked back.  "Seriously, though.  You know you shouldn't
be thinking that.  If you weren't in the group, you probably would have
never met Jessica."

"I know, you're right.  I just miss her, that's all.  Next to Drew, she's
the most important person in my life."

I didn't know what to say but I don't think Nick was looking for words
right then.  I took a chance and reached out to Nick.  I put my hand on his
shoulder.  When he didn't move away, I leaned over and hugged him.

"Thanks," he said as I let go.  "I needed that."

We stood there in silence once again.  Nick's words kept running through my
mind.  He had said Drew was the most important person in his life.  I
wondered if Drew really knew how his brother felt about him.  If he did, he
probably wouldn't be so fearful to come out to him.  Seeing an opportunity,
I asked him a question.

"Nick, will you tell me what happened with your cousin?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Well," I said, "you've accepted me so easily.  Jeff didn't tell me any
details but he said that you went through some pretty rough times with
Matt.  I just find it hard to believe after the way you've treated me."

"It's not something I'm proud of," he said, sounding embarrassed.  "People
change, you know."

"I know.  But I guess I've never really known someone who has changed that
much."

"I'm not sure you're going to want to hear this."

"Look, Nick," I said, "I'm not forcing you to tell me anything.  And
whatever you say will not change how I see you.  You've only treated me
with respect."

"I've tried.  But, I didn't do that with my cousin Matt."

Nick stopped talking for a moment and looked out over the lake.  He took a
deep breath and turned toward me again.

"Matt came out to both me and Drew at the same time.  To say we were
shocked was an understatement.  At the time, we weren't all that close with
him.  We mostly saw each other on holidays.  See, when Matt came out he was
already a father.  He had gotten a girl pregnant in high school.  She died
in childbirth and only two of the quadruplets survived."

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah.  So when Matt told us he was gay I think neither Drew nor I were
prepared.  Drew handled the situation much better than I did.  Somehow I
had it in my mind that being gay was a horrible thing.  I don't know where
I got that idea, because it wasn't from my parents, but that's what I
thought.  I think Drew sensed I was about to say something to Matt and he
managed to keep me quiet.  After Matt left I told Drew that Matt needed to
get professional help.  I told Drew that I thought there was something
wrong with Matt."

Nick stopped talking and looked right in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Alex," he said.

"It's okay.  I've never felt any of that from you."

"Good," he sighed.  "I ended up avoiding Matt at all costs.  It was pretty
easy because we were on tour at the time.  Drew had also stopped talking to
me.  We only spoke to each other when it was absolutely necessary.  Then,
Matt was diagnosed with cancer."  He paused.  "This is the worst thing I've
ever done, Alex.  When I found out, I did nothing.  I didn't even call him.
Matt was all alone in the world.  His mother had passed away and his father
had abandoned him.  He had two little girls and then the cancer and I did
nothing for him.  Drew tried to cover for me.  Only God knows why he did
that for me but he did.  I think Matt bought it, but in the end I had
deserted him."

Nick had begun crying.  I knew I was the one that was causing him to relive
this pain.  I felt horrible but it was too late.  I knew Nick needed to
finish the story.

"When Jeff found out what was going on he went ballistic.  I had never seen
him so mad at anyone before and I was the target.  It took awhile but Jeff
made me see what I was doing.  He made me see that Matt was the same guy
I'd known growing up, regardless of who he was sleeping with.  I came to
realize that I still loved Matt.  It was simple, really."

"That says a lot about you, Nick," I said, trying to reassure him.

"Thank you.  Jeff also helped repair my relationship with Drew."

"So, what happened to Matt?"

"Well," Nick said, "it was rough for awhile.  I was really uncomfortable
being around him.  Drew and I took turns taking care of him while he was
sick.  As the chemotherapy and radiation treatments continued, he got
weaker and weaker.  The more he depended on me the less I started caring
about him being gay.  It was just one small part of who he is.  I'm at the
point now where it doesn't even register anymore.  Matt's in a pretty
serious relationship.  They've had some rough times but I think they're
going to make it.  They're more in love than even me and Jess."

"Really?"

"It's a pretty special thing.  If more people could see the love they have
for each other, I think there would be a lot fewer bigots in this world."

"And the cancer?" I asked.

"He's in remission, again."

"What do you mean, again?"

"It had been years and he was malignancy-free.  Then, earlier this year it
came back.  I don't know if Matt would have made it this time if it weren't
for."

Nick's voice trailed off.  I didn't really understand why he didn't finish
his sentence.

"His boyfriend?" I asked.  "Is that hard for you to say?"

"No!" Nick countered.  "It's just that I was going to use his nickname, but
it would sound funny if he didn't know him."

"Oh.  So, what's his name?"

Nick paused for a moment before saying, "Josh."

"Thanks for telling me the story, Nick.  It means a lot to me."

"It's good that you know," he said, wiping the last of his tears away.  He
paused for a moment.  "Let's go inside, okay?  I think I'm done crying."

I opened the door and followed Nick into the living room.  A Mickey Mouse
cartoon was playing on the TV.  Everyone was watching and laughing.  Drew
turned to look at me and our eyes met.  I smiled, knowing that everything
was going to be okay.


Scene 32


It seemed like a good idea when we discussed it the night before, but I
definitely had a different opinion as my alarm was blaring at me at 8am.
After all, we were up late the night prior and I was on vacation.  All six
of us decided we would go to the Disney- MGM Studios that Sunday.  The guys
had an autograph session at the Virgin Megastore from 3 to 5pm so we
planned to meet at nine.

It took all the strength I had, but I managed to climb out of the soft,
warm bed and drag myself into the bathroom.  After showering and getting
dressed, I felt a little better, but I was getting kind of hungry.  I
looked at the clock and realized I didn't have time to order any breakfast.

I met Sharon in our living room and we headed for the elevator to meet the
guys and Becca in the lobby.

"Did you have fun last night?" I asked.

"Yeah, I really did.  You and Nick disappeared for a long time.  Was
something up?"

"No, we were just talking," I said, smiling to myself as I thought of
everything we talked about.

The elevator doors opened and we made the right hand turn to go to the
lobby.  We were a couple of minutes late, and everyone else was waiting for
us.

"Good morning, Ms. Yates, Mr. Jackson," Becca said cheerfully.

I saw Drew looking at his watch, obviously noticing we were late.

"Don't say a word, Sprout," I said, trying not to smile.

Jeff, Nick, and Justin all started laughing.  Drew, I had figured out, was
the one who always kept the guys on time.

"You've been around us too long," Justin said, "if you know our nicknames
for each other."

"I heard you call him that last night," I smiled.  "I kind of fits, I
guess."

"Hello!" Drew shouted.  "I'm standing right here."

"Let's get going," Nick said, trying to save his brother any more
embarrassment.

"Follow me," Becca said.  "Oh, wait!  These are for you."

She handed Sharon and I each a small paper bag.  Inside were a muffin, a
banana, and a carton of orange juice.

"How did you know I was starving?" I asked.

"You didn't order anything to eat this morning, so I figured you might be
hungry."

"Amazing," Sharon said.  "Do you want to come work for me in Minneapolis?"

Becca just smiled as she led us outside.  We walked down a staircase and
past an open lawn toward the Boardwalk and the lake.  I wasn't sure where
we were going, but I sure was surprised when she led us to a small boat
that was docked at the end of a short pier.

"Climb aboard," she said.  "This will take us over to the Disney-MGM
Studios."

If I had any doubts about Disney World being the most magical place on
earth, they all vanished at that moment.  We took a leisurely ride past
several hotels and finally ended up at the entrance to the Studios.  Becca
escorted us through the gates and suddenly we were standing on Hollywood
Boulevard.

"Does it look like home?" Jeff asked me.

"To tell you the truth," I said, "I've never been to Hollywood."

"But I thought you grew up in LA?"

"I did," I said as I looked down the street at the replica of the Chinese
Theatre.  "But LA is so big, you know.  I lived about two hours from
Hollywood, so I just never went."  For a moment I stopped and thought about
my.  "That's just how it was."

"Oh," he said, obviously feeling bad he brought up the subject.

Before I could tell him it was okay, I felt Sharon tugging on my arm.

"Come on!" she yelled.  "Photo op!"

I looked at her with a puzzled grin until I saw the photographer.  He was
assembling groups of people as they walked in the park.  The photos, I'm
sure, would be for sale later in the day.

The six of us clustered together as best we could.  I grinned when I
noticed some of the other visitors taking our picture.  They must have
wondered who Sharon and I were, since we were with 98 Degrees.

We spent the morning touring the park, hitting most of the major rides and
attractions.  It was fun to see the guys enjoying themselves.  Since it was
Labor Day Weekend, the place was packed but people were really well
behaved.  Only a handful of people approached the guys, even though they
were drawing curious stares all day long.

"What's that?" Sharon asked, looking up at the dilapidated building that
said Hollywood Tower Hotel at the top.

"That's the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror," Becca said rather nonchalantly.

"It's the best thing in the park," Justin said.  "Let's go."

Since I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, I followed hesitantly.
Truth be told, the Twilight Zone TV show always freaked me out.  One of the
local TV stations in LA had a Twilight Zone marathon on every Fourth of
July.  When I was a little too young, I watched about eight hours of it and
I couldn't sleep for about a week.

Being with Becca allowed us to bypass the 50-minute line.  We walked into
what looked like the lobby of an old hotel.  The furnishings and d‚cor
suggested that it was supposed to be the 1920's or 30's.  Cobwebs and dust
covered everything, giving the place a deserted feel.

"This way please."

The voice belonged to a young man dressed in a long overcoat.  He looked
very serious.  We followed him into a room that looked like a library.

"Enjoy your stay," he said.  Just as he was about to shut the doors he let
out a slightly maniacal laugh.  I know it was part of the script, but it
gave me the chills nonetheless.

"So now what?" Sharon said as we stood alone in the small room.

Before anyone could answer, the lights went out and a small black and white
TV filled the room with light.  On the screen was Rod Serling.  Since he
had passed away a long time ago, I knew it couldn't be him but the
resemblance was uncanny.  He began to tell the tale of a group of travelers
who had checked in to the Hollywood Tower Hotel one night.  It was, of
course, a dark and stormy night and once they got on the elevator something
went horribly wrong.  The hotel was suddenly struck by lightning, and the
occupants of the elevator vanished without a trace.

A set of door opened on the opposite side of the room and we all walked
through them.  We found ourselves in the boiler room of the hotel.

"Okay," I said out loud, "this is freaking me out."

"Don't be scared," Drew whispered from behind me.  "I'll protect you."

Fortunately, the only person in earshot was Sharon, who tried valiantly to
stifle a laugh, but failed.

We made our way through the boiler room until we were at what looked like
several service elevators.  Another man dressed in one of the long
overcoats addressed us.

"Right this way, ladies and gentlemen.  These service elevators will take
you to your rooms.  Hurry now."

The elevator was actually a ride vehicle with three rows of seats with lap
bars.  There must have been twenty seats total, but only the six of us got
in.

"Hey, Becca," Jeff shouted.  "Aren't you coming?  I need you to protect
me!"

"Okay, this is one of my favorites," she acquiesced as we all sat down.

Drew and I sat together in the front row.  Nick, Justin, and Sharon were
seated just behind us, with Jeff and Becca sharing the back row.

"Enjoy your stay!" laughed the man as the doors shut in front of us.

I jumped in my seat a little as the elevator began to rise.  Drew must have
sensed I was nervous because he reached out and patted my leg in the dark.
Once the elevator stopped, the doors opened to reveal a long hallway.  The
characters from the TV in the library appeared.  Suddenly, a bolt of
electricity shot through the building and the people in the hallway
vanished.

The doors shut in front of us and the elevator went up again.  Once we
stopped, the doors opened and the entire car we were riding in began moving
forward.  We entered what looked like a starry sky.  The classic images
from the Twilight Zone opening appeared, including the swinging pendulum,
the flying clock, and the hourglass.  We stopped moving and the lights went
out.  It was a darkness that felt very oppressive.

I heard a loud crash and what sounded like a cable snapping.  I felt my
heart jump as the elevator began to fall in the darkness.  We stopped
momentarily and I assumed it was over but suddenly we were flying up.  I
grabbed hold of Drew's arm and held on tight.  As we moved up, I could see
a light above us.  When the elevator stopped, I opened my eyes and looked
straight ahead.  I could see the entire park and the Florida landscape
beyond.

Well, what goes up must come down and that's just what happened.  We began
falling and I began screaming.  I'm certain I was cutting off all
circulation to Drew's arm but I wasn't about to let go.  When we hit
bottom, the elevator rose and fell at least two more times before finally
coming to rest.

Rod Serling's voice appeared from the darkness but I couldn't tell you what
he said.  I was too busy hyperventilating.  I was so glad to see the
elevator doors open and the lap bars coming up.  I decided then and only
then it was okay to let go of Drew.  My legs were a little shaky, but
managed to walk out under my own power.

"That was fun!" I deadpanned.

"Wasn't it?" Sharon said.

After what could only be classified as the most terrifying experience of my
life, I really wanted to get out of there.  Unfortunately, the folks at
Disney had another surprise for me.  Rounding the corner, we came across a
counter that had photos you could buy.  Now, there weren't the photos they
took when you entered the park.  These were photos taken just moments
before as the elevator dropped thirteen stories.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed.

Everyone else was laughing hysterically.  On the screen was a picture of
everyone happily screaming and laughing as we plunged to our near-deaths.
Then there was me.  I was clutching onto Drew like my life depended on it.

"I have to buy a copy of that!" Jeff laughed.

"Me too!" Nick added.

It was only later that I found out that Jeff bought seven copies, so that
everyone, including Becca, could laugh at me for as long as they lived.

After my public embarrassment we all ventured down the hill on which the
hotel sat.  Right next-door was the Rock'N Roller Coaster.  According to
Becca, it was an indoor looping roller coaster that featured a soundtrack
and video appearances by Aerosmith.

"After Rod Serling I think I can skip Aerosmith," I said.

"I'll wait out here with you," Becca said.  "We'll meet you at the exit.
This will have to be the last ride so you can make it to your autograph
session in time."

The guys and Sharon raced off to hit the coaster.  I was glad that I was
alone with Becca because it would give me a chance to set things up for my
dinner with Drew.

"Becca," I said as we sat in the shade, "I need your help with something."

"That's what I'm here for!"

I explained the situation, trying to make it sound like it wasn't a date.
Chances are Becca saw right through me but I was certain she wouldn't tell
a soul.  We discussed a couple of options and before the others were back
she had used her cell phone to get everything set up.

We all headed for the exit, with everyone telling me how much I missed by
not going on the roller coaster.

"Hey, Drew," I said.  "Can I see you for a second?"

I was walking slightly behind the group so Drew slowed his pace until I
caught up with him.

"Everything's set up, thanks to Becca.  Meet me at the Matsu No Ma Lounge
at 8pm."

"Say again?"

I laughed.  "It's a Japanese restaurant at the Japan pavilion in Epcot."

"Cool.  I love Japanese food."

"Have you told Nick you're eating dinner with me?" I asked.

"Not yet," he said sheepishly.  "I'll figure something out."

"Let's go, Drew!" Nick yelled from up ahead.  "We're gonna be late."

Drew looked at me, slightly shrugging his shoulders before jogging ahead to
catch up.

After we exited the park, the guys and Becca jumped in a car that was
waiting to take them to the Virgin Megastore.  Sharon and I headed back to
the hotel.  I was beginning to get nervous about my date.  I only had five
hours to get ready.


Scene 33


"How do I look?" Sharon asked as she walked into my bedroom.

I was standing there wearing a gray dress shirt, a pair of black
boxer-briefs, and black socks pulled up almost to my knees.

"I said, how do I look?" she repeated.

She looked good.  Sharon always knew how to dress to impress, but I was a
little confused as to why she was wearing a black strapless gown that
showed off all her womanly assets.

"You look great," I said.  "But, babe, I'm the one going out with Drew
tonight."

"And I'm going out with Justin."

"Really?  And when did this happen?"

"This afternoon," she smiled, "while the rest of you went racing off to see
the Little Mermaid show."

"Well, well, well!"

"Enough.  You need to finish getting dressed.  As much as Drew would
probably enjoy it, I think you need pants if you're planning on going out
in public."

I felt myself blush slightly as she turned to leave the room.

It only took me a couple more minutes to get ready.  I was wearing a black
suit, gray shirt, with a dark blue tie.  The thing that took the longest
was my hair.  I just couldn't get it to look the way I wanted.  I finally
gave up, figuring the hair wasn't a deal-breaker when it came to Drew.

"Don't wait up for me," Sharon yelled as I left.

"That goes for me, too," I yelled back.

While I was walking over to the restaurant at Epcot, I started to get
butterflies in my stomach.  I wasn't sure I was going to be able to eat
because I was so nervous.  Although Drew and I had already been out once
before, I didn't know it going in.  It was a surprise to see him that night
back home, where now I it was all planned.  Plus, there was more at stake
here.  Drew had told me he was thinking of us as more than a weekend fling.
I felt the same way and that made this night much more complicated.

Before I realized it I was at the restaurant.  It was located in the
Japanese pavilion at Epcot.  The grounds were quite beautiful, with an
excellent view of the World Showcase Lagoon.  I walked up a long, wide
flight of stairs that led to the restaurant.  I told the hostess, a
beautiful Japanese woman, who I was and she smiled at me.

"Konnichiwa, Mr. Jackson.  Please follow me."

I followed her towards the main dining room but I was surprised when she
turned and walked down a narrow hall decorated with silk-screened Japanese
prints.  At the end of the hall was a flight of stairs going up.  We ended
up on the third floor of the building.  Turning, she opened a door that led
out onto a balcony.  There was a beautifully adorned table for two that
overlooked the lagoon.

"Mr. Jackson, this is Chef Hiro.  He will attend to your needs.  I will
escort Mr. Lachey up when he arrives.  Arigatou."

"Konbanwa, Mr. Jackson," Hiro said as he bowed slightly.  "I will prepare
anything you wish.  Unless you need something now, I will return when
Mr. Lachey arrives."

"Thank you," I said.

Frankly, I was a little speechless.  Becca had really outdone herself with
all of this.  It was very romantic, but it still could be considered formal
enough to pass as a business dinner if the press heard about it.

I sat and waited for Drew, glancing at my watch about 25 times.  I began to
realize that Drew wasn't going to show.  At about 8:45pm I decided to give
up.  Drew must have gotten cold feet.  I felt so dejected and at the same
time, very embarrassed.  Becca and everyone at the restaurant had gone out
their way to make this happen and Drew didn't have the decency to even
call.  I walked inside and found Hiro waiting patiently.

"I'm sorry, Hiro.  I don't think Mr. Lachey is coming.  He must have gotten
tied up at the press event he was at."  I shuddered how good I was becoming
at lying for Drew.  "I feel horrible that you went through all this
trouble."

"Think nothing of it, Mr. Jackson.  I understand."  He smiled a knowing
smile at me.  "Do you wish to have me make you something to take with you?"

"No, thank you.  I'm afraid I lost my appetite."

"In that case, oyasumi Mr. Jackson.  That means good night."

I could only nod as I headed down the stairs.  Fortunately, the hostess was
away from the front door so I could slip out without any further
embarrassment.

I was going through a wide range of emotions as I walked back to the hotel.
At first, I felt as though I had done something wrong.  I thought of
everything I had done or said to Drew that day, trying to determine how I
screwed up.  As always, I was blaming myself for bad things that happened
around me.  That's just the way I operate.  When my best friends in college
stopped talking to me because I was gay, I assumed it was my fault.  I was
doing the same thing that night.  If Drew didn't show up it obviously was
something that I did.

I thought of Mike and what he would have said to me right then.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?"

He had said those exact words to me more times than I could count.  He was
the one person that seemed to believe in me more than I believed in myself.
I knew that he would be the one telling me that it was Drew, not me that
had screwed things up.

As I walked I could feel my heart begin to pound.  I was getting angry with
each step.  After all, Drew was the one that had come after me.  He wanted
to see me and he was the one that made Jeff call me.  I wouldn't have been
in Florida if Drew hadn't have wanted me there.  Once again I was the one
who was getting hurt.  My instincts had told me to walk away after my first
date with Drew.  I felt like such a fool.

By the time I reached the lobby I was fuming.  I headed straight to Drew
and Nick's room, hoping that Nick wouldn't be there.  I was ready to
confront Drew.  I was tired of being pushed around.  Just as I was about to
pound on the door, I heard Nick's voice.

"I'm your brother, damn it!" he yelled.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

There were several seconds of silence followed by a loud crash that took my
breath away.


To be continued.


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