Date: Sat, 30 Mar 2002 15:04:31 +0800
From: yr_ry_ <yr_ry_@hotmail.com>
Subject: What I See 10/?

*Disclaimer*

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read
on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please
don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate
relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and
contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not
true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American
singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is
fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is
similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's
really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I
and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay
(but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of
speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know
NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's
true... hehehehe...

*First Words*

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty
Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas
for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was
born *giggle*. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but
Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But
I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love
feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at
yr_ry_@hotmail.com


What I See Chapter 10

The next day, there were no guys. No one called. No one visited. It's just
like they didn't care about us... and I'm not complaining. I am enjoying my
time with JC. He and I just lounged at home either cuddling together or
blowing each other. It was like we were trying to take everything that we
can from each other before we part ways. If I was anxious yesterday, I was
more anxious right now. Whatever JC says to me, I just can't help not to be
scared about all of this. My insecurities are coming up and my mind is
being clouded by very bad thoughts.

It's 8:00 pm already. One more day to go and then JC's gonna fly away to
tour across the United States of America. He's sleeping soundly after I
just sucked him. He has this very satisfied look in his face. It's like the
5th already for the day. Anyway, I was contemplating with our future. Was
it really possible to have a JC-Kyle relationship that would last? I mean
call me pessimistic but I'm just being realistic with what we have.

I am sure that I am definitely in love with Josh. No doubt about it. I
think he's in love with me too. But like I said, is love enough to survive
this relationship? What if his management discovered this and told him that
we can't see each other? Or the worst-case scenario, what if he finds
someone better? I'm sure that I'm not the best, far from it. And whatever
JC says to me, I just have this feeling that I am not good enough.

I looked at him. He's still sleeping. He looks so peaceful like he has no
problem in the world. I tried to lay his head on the pillow without waking
him up and carefully pulled myself off the bed. I can't sleep. I need to
talk. I walked out of the room and picked up Pookie who was following me. I
took the wireless phone and dialed the family's house. She knows what to
do.

"Hello?" I said when someone answered the phone.

"Hey mom! Can I speak with Dee?" I said to my mom.

"Kyle! You've been out of touch. You didn't even bother to call home. I
know that I shouldn't let you move out." My mom scolded me. Well, I guess
what she said was true. I was so strung up with my job and now JC that I
totally shut off my family.

"Sorry mom! I'll visit you there on Sunday, okay?" I said to her.

"Okay. You can bring that Josh guy that Dee's been talking about." My mom
said. My eyes bulged. I can't believe that she told my mom about
that. "Don't pick on your sister Kyle. I just overheard her talking with
you the other time." She told me.

"Me? Pick on lil Dee?" I said with a chuckle.

"I guess you're right there." She laughed. I guess she really knows her
children. "Dee! Phone! It's Kyle!" She shouted. I heard a few shuffling and
then someone answered the phone.

"Hey Kyle. What's up?" Dee said cheerfully, as usual.

"I can't believe mom knows." I groaned. She chuckled a little bit. "Don't
laugh at me." I said to her in a mock scolding voice.

"Oh please! You know that she has this over-sensitive ears especially about
her lil baby!" She laughed again. But she's right. My mom is always on my
case like she's babying me or something like that. She just wants to
protect me from the world. You should have seen her when I moved out of the
house. I think she cried a bucketful of tears and she was always at my
house everyday making sure that I'm okay. "So why did you call your
beautiful sister?" She said. Conceited as usual.

"Just needed to talk with someone. I'm feeling the anxiety already with JC
going away on Sunday." I said to my sister.

"Does he know that you feel this way?" She asked me. I could hear some
shuffling from the other line.

"I told him already. He told me that we can work this out but I'm just
having this feeling that it won't." I answered Dee.

"Pessimism." She stated. "Anyway, why don't you just sleep it off?" Dee
said simply to me.

"I can't sleep." I said to her.

"Count sheep." She answered. "Kyle, I know you want me to give you the
answers like always but this time, you're on your own. I can't help you
with this as much as I want to. You're the one who can control your
over-imaginative mind not me. Just sleep it off and make most out of the
remaining time that you're together." She said. Well, it was more of an
advice already.

"Thanks sis. Good night." I said to her and hung up the phone. I sighed
knowing that she's right, as usual. All I can do is sleep this over. I was
about to go upstairs when the phone rang. Should I answer it or not? It's
not my house but what if it's important.

I didn't notice that the machine got it already. "JC??? Josh!!! You there?"
I heard Justin's voice. "You must be either sleeping or playing with your
boy toy but I guess that he's prolly there so you two are doing something."
Boy toy??? The nerve of Justin. "Anyway, just wanna say hi coz you must be
bored with that Kyle guy knowing he's just babbling as always. I mean our
date was one of the worst in my life. Geesh!" Justin said with a chuckle. I
was getting a little bit pissed off already with Justin. "I'm gonna --" I
picked up the phone. "You finally picked up!" Justin exclaimed.

"Yeah I did." I said coldly. Justin remained silent for a while maybe a
little surprised that I was the one who answered the phone.

"It's you." He said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, the boy toy." I said sarcastically. "You know what? I'm getting fed
up with your shit! I didn't do anything with you except to be honest with
you and you treat me like crap!" I finally exploded. I tried to not be loud
coz JC was sleeping upstairs and I really don't wanna wake him up.

"I'm being honest too." Justin answered me that ticked me off.

"You want honest you egotistic son-of-a-bitch? You just can't take it that
someone dumped you. Get real! The world doesn't revolve around you fucker!"
I said and ended the call. I tried to calm down. Breath. I spun around and
saw JC at the top of the stairs looking at me. Now, I don't know what to
say. Should I explain myself with my lil outburst?

I climbed the flight of stairs and when we were side by side, I just looked
at him trying to gauge what he's thinking. He looks so sad. "I'm sorry you
heard that." I said to him as I passed him. I went to his room to finally
rest. I thought that this day would be calm and peaceful but Justin just
has to ruin everything. I was laid on the bed already staring at the
ceiling. After awhile, JC entered the room and I can feel his eyes looking
at me. I didn't avert my gaze.

I felt JC lay on the bed beside me. "You two really can't be civil" JC
sighed.

I looked at him and he was staring at the ceiling. "Josh, you know that I'm
pushing the limits to reach out to him but he doesn't want to because he
can't take it that I like you over him. I know you're his friend but let's
be honest, he's just a self-centered fool." I said all I was feeling.

"I know." JC sighed once more. "It's just that I want everyone to be happy
and comfortable with each other. I know that you're getting along with the
others except Justin. And he's my best friend and it really pains me seeing
you two very, um, uncivil to each other." JC said.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked him. JC looked at me and have this
very somber expression in his face.

"I know that you are trying your best." Josh kissed my nose and cuddled
closer to me. "And I know that Justin really doesn't want to be friends
with you. So it's his problem. I guess I'll just talk with him." Josh said
as he laid his head on my chest. The next thing I know he was sleeping
already. I just can't believe JC; he can sleep so quickly anytime and
anywhere.

I smiled and kissed his head. "I love you Josh." I said and started to
count sheep to finally sleep.

Saturday was busy. Josh was fixing what he should bring in tour and what he
should leave here. I know that he wants to bring all of his clothes but
with a closet that is the size of a bedroom is filled with clothes, how can
someone bring them all? "Should I bring this or leave it?" He asked me as
he showed me a long coat with feathers. Feathers???

"Leave it." I told him sternly. What on earth entered his mind to buy this?
Who gave him this fashion sense? He's worse than Ken. The phone began to
ring. "I'll answer it and you just fix everything up, okay?" I said to him
and walked to the phone. "Don't bring that!" I shouted knowing that he
would bring it eventually.

"Hello" I answered the phone.

"Oh hi Kyle!" I heard Lance's bass voice. Isn't his voice really sexy? It's
just like pure man.

"Hey Lance. Wanna talk with JC? He's fixing his things for the tour." I
said to him.

"You should guard him. God knows what he would bring again this tour."
Lance chuckled. "Anyway, just tell him that we are gonna meet in the
compound by 9am tomorrow. Our first venue would be Portland tomorrow as
well." Lance told me.

"Okay Lance." I said to him and we said our goodbyes. I ended the call and
walk back to the room seeing him eyeing a tight-fitted black see through
shirt. "That would look hot. Bring it." I said to him that caused him to
jump a little. When he saw me, he smiled a bit and placed the shirt in one
of his suitcase.

"Who's on the phone?" JC asked as he fished a pair of pants.

"Bring that." I told him. "It was Lance reminding you that you'll be
meeting in the compound by 9am and that you'll have your first concert
tomorrow in Portland tomorrow as well." I relayed what Lance told me to JC.

"Damn. I thought we'll start tomorrow." JC commented. "Oh well, the quicker
the tour starts the quicker I can go home." JC said with a grin.

"When will the tour end anyway?" I asked him not knowing anything that was
going on with their tour. I just didn't ask any questions about it coz I
thought that it was their stuff and not mine.

"April 28. So that's almost two months." JC answered. Two months??? This
would truly be hell for me. "But after that, we'll have a lil break coz of
Lance. I think he has this thing with Russia. I think he's going to space."
JC scratched his head.

"That's cool." I said as I helped him pick some of his clothes for the
tour. My God. His clothes are so wild and some are really flaming. "Who
buys these stuff?" I asked him as I handed a green button shirt to him.

"I do." JC answered taking the shirt from my hand and placing it in his
suitcase. Let's just leave it like that. It took us around 3 hours sorting
out all of the things he would bring. Within that time was lots of arguing
about some of his 'party' clothes. "Can I bring the tiger printed coat?" JC
asked for the third time.

"Josh, this is for your own good. I want you to look good in front of the
camera and I don't want you to be insulted by Joan Rivers or someone." I
explained to him slowly. A pout was slowly forming in his face.

"Please?" JC said to me and how can you resist that look. I groaned and
handed the coat to him. God, I need to get over that look. JC kissed me at
the lips and placed the coat in his suitcase. In total, there were 3
suitcases filled with his clothes and I know that when he goes home after 2
months, these 3 would multiply with more clothes.

"But next time, when you go shopping, bring someone with you. Like Justin
okay?" I said to him. Even if Justin pisses me off, I have to admit that he
has a very good fashion sense. JC nodded. "Now that we're done packing,
what are we gonna do?" I asked.

JC seemed to think for a while. "How bout we just eat first then we decide
afterwards." He suggested. I nodded and hand-by-hand, we went to the
kitchen to fix something up. Josh bought a few stuff yesterday so there
were many options for us to take. "What do you want?" He asked.

"Let's try Chinese." I said. He nodded and with what we have in the
kitchen, we tried to cook up some Chinese dish. Thank God for mom's recipe
book. We were having fun while cooking and in that short time, I forgot
about his departure tomorrow. All I was thinking was JC. My love for JC. I
don't even know what they call this dish but I know this is good coz my mom
cooked this before at home but I forgot the name. It has beef in it and
oyster sauce. Whatever. "Wanna taste?" I offered to Josh who nodded
happily.

I scooped a lil amount of the sauce and placed it in JC's waiting
mouth. "Delicious." JC commented. I smiled at him and turned off the
stove. He handed me a plate and I poured it there. JC has already set up
the table with our plates and a bowl of rice in the center. I placed the
beef dish beside the rice and I sat on my chair. "Wine?" JC asked as he
showed me a bottle.

"Sure." I answered. JC opened the bottle and poured it in my glass, and
then he poured his.

"Can I propose a toast?" JC said. It was kinda cheesy but sweet as well. I
nodded and I took the glass from the table. "For more love with you
forever." JC said to me and the two glasses met together with a clink. I
sipped a little and I must say that it was good wine.

"Can you describe this tour to me?" I asked trying to spark up a
conversation. And I know how JC loves to talk about what he does. Not like
mine, which is utterly boring.

"It's pretty laid back compared to the last one. We wanted it to be more
intimate so the venue is much smaller and we get to interact with the crowd
more." JC told me. "Plus, we get to relax a bit as well coz it won't be too
strenuous like the past one." JC smiled.

"I guess you deserve a rest as well coz you've been on the road most of the
time." I said to him.

"I know." JC told me. "I'm really looking forward after this tour coz we
have a little break. Lance is gonna train for his space trip so we can just
do our own thing for a while. And I'm thinking that I'll be spending that
with you." JC told me as he placed his hand over mine. I smiled warmly at
him. "I know that you're scared." JC told me.

"I'm not hiding it." I said to him. I wasn't really. I was actually
parading it to everyone. I dunno why but it wasn't a conscious effort to
make it known that I'm a little scared. Okay, I'm really scared. I'm just
transparent I guess.

"There's nothing to be afraid of Kyle." JC said to me.

"I know that JC and I want to believe that. But my mind doesn't want to
accept it. You're my first serious relationship in my whole life and I
don't know what to do." I said to him.

"This is my first time too Kyle. It's been only a few days since I came out
to the guys. We just have to try to figure this out together." JC tried to
reassure me once more.

"That's just it. You just came out. All your feelings are suppressed and
that's what I'm afraid of. This is your first gay relationship and it's a
long distance one. What if you meet someone better than me? That's what I'm
afraid of." I said.

"I know you are not the best Kyle coz for me no one is the best. I am
contented being with you coz I love you." JC squeezed my hand emphasizing
his point.

"But we won't be together for two months. You are alone there on the road
and I won't be there with you." My pessimism was getting over me now. I
dunno why but I just keep on thinking the worst things in my mind. Mental
note, try to be a little optimistic.

"So what if I'm alone there?" JC questioned me. I can sense that he was a
little bit pissed off already from the tone of his voice but my mouth
wasn't shutting up. "You think that I'm gonna look for someone to appease
my sexual needs?" JC asked again. I nodded slowly. "I can't believe you
think so low of me like that. Kyle for God's sake, I love you! Can't you
accept that fact and think higher of me." JC said to me with pain and anger
in his voice.

"I love you too JC. But I can't help not to think about it." I tried to
reason out.

"Can't you trust me?" JC asked. I thought about that. Do I really trust
Josh? "Fuck! I can't believe you don't even trust me! And I thought that
you love me." JC stood up and stormed out of the dining room leaving me
staring at the empty space that he just left.

I followed him. "JC..." I started.

JC spun around and looked at me with anger and hurt written in his
face. "Don't start with me Kyle. I thought that you love me. I thought that
you would trust me in this. But no! You just have to think that I'm a horny
teenager looking for a quick fix every time! Maybe Justin is right about
you." JC shouted at me. I was hurt with what he said but I know that what
he said was true.

JC climbed the flight of stairs and after a few seconds, I heard a door
slam. The tears began to flow out of my eyes. "Why do I have to fuck up
everything?" I asked myself. I thought that this was it but I just have to
be insecure and suspicious with everyone.

I heard Pookie whimpering by my feet like he was sensing my pain. "Come on
Pookie. Let's go home." I picked up Pookie and went to my car. I drove off
until I remembered that JC has access with the gate. "Damn!" I mumbled. I
can't even get out of this place. I was starting to back up when the gates
opened slowly. I turned around and saw a person standing in one of the
windows. I guess he wants me to really get out. Out of his house. And out
of his life... maybe.


---------------- End of Chapter

This is the 10th chapter in my series. I can't believe that I have reached
the tenth installment already. Wow! I mean time does fly so fast when you
write. Anyway, I know that many would be a little bit sad with what's going
on in the lives of Kyle and JC. Like I told you, the drama is beginning so
this is the mark of it.

Good news is that I have my summer break already giving me all the time in
the world to write my stories. But the setback is that I'll just be bumming
around for two whole months. *sigh* Anyway, I hope this summer would be
really fun and I expect lots of mails from y'all.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly
appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and
Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each
other. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those
feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line
okay? BTW, I have AIM so if you have the time, let's have a lil chat... my
screen name is.... pseud0ry. 0 is a zero. and I have yahoo messenger too!
use pseud0_nym. So if you wanna give me a shout, then do it. Also, I'm
usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is:
yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They
are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and
the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with
his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally,
a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without
him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that
influenced me in my craft.

 + Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)
 + The One (Brian/Justin)
 + Jamie's Romance (Justin)
 + Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)
 + Josh and Just (JC/Justin)
 + Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)
 + My New Life (Lance)
 + Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)
 + Double Take (Brian/Nick)
 + Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)
 + Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)
 + My Surprise Romance (Lance)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)
 + Life with Justin (Justin)
 + Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)
 + French Kiss Me (Brian)
 + Millennium Love (Brian)
 + Forever (Kevin)
 + JC's Hitchhiker (JC)
 + Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)
 + Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)
 + Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)
 + Lance's Search (Lance/JC)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)
 + JC Dreams (JC)
 + On the Streets (Kevin)
 + Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)
 + Insecurities (Nick)
 + Chance Meeting (Justin)
 + My Soulmate JC (JC)
 + Brian and Tommy (Brian)