Date: Sat, 8 Jun 2002 18:04:37 +0800
From: ryan <yr_ry_@hotmail.com>
Subject: What I See 16/?

*Disclaimer*

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read
on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please
don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate
relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and
contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not
true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American
singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is
fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is
similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's
really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I
and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay
(but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of
speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know
NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's
true... hehehehe...


*First Words*

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty
Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas
for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was
born *giggle*. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but
Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But
I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love
feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at
yr_ry_@hotmail.com


What I See Chapter 16

I returned to the office of Mr. Reily where I had a little nice chat with
his secretary. Her name is Donna and she's just very kind and
thoughtful. She's not like some of those snobbish secretaries who seemed to
have a daily dose of PMS. Awful thought! Anyway, as what Mr. Reily said to
me, I listed the things that I wanted for the office and gave it to
Donna. It was near lunch already and I invited Donna to eat with me coz the
two of us just jive together.

"So where do you wanna eat?" I asked her as we walked to the elevator.

"Lemme think of the most expensive restaurant." She said and seemed to
think about it before giggling. It reminded me of high school with girls
giggling when their crush passes by and they whisper to each other
stuff. God knows what they talk about! "Just kidding! How about Chinese?"
She asked. The elevator doors opened and we entered it. There wasn't anyone
in it.

"Sure! I love Chinese." I answered her. During the elevator ride, our
conversation went into our love life. I know she wasn't prying but it was
just a usual question among people, right? "I have a boyfriend." I told her
absentmindedly. I can't believe I just said that.

Her eyes bulged and a shocked expression was written on his face. "You're
gay!?" I dunno if she said it or asked. But it seemed that it was just a
mere expression of surprise. "You don't look gay." She told me in a calmer
tone.

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" I chuckled.

"A compliment, of course!" She answered. "There's just no ounce of gayness
in you. I mean you look so, um, masculine and hot too." Her face was red
from blushing after she said her final two words.

"Thanks, I guess." I said hesitantly. Well, it's the first time I got that
comment in my whole life. But this is the first time that I was so open
about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm already out in the whole world -- I think
-- but this is the first time I said 'I'm gay' to someone who I haven't
known for a long time. So, it's like confessing my sexuality to a
stranger. "This is just me. I have acted this way since forever." I said
with a smile.

The elevator doors opened to the first floor and we walked out. "It's cool
with me." She smiled at me warmly. We walked to my car and being the
gentleman that I am, I ushered her in the passenger's seat first before I
went to the driver's seat. "Such a gentleman." She noted with a
giggle. "Too bad that you're competition in my field."

"Remember, I'm attached so all the fish in the sea are all yours." I said
and started the engine. We went to one of my favorite Chinese restaurants
where we ate an amazing meal -- as always. During the course of our lunch,
we talked some more and learned more about each other. She seemed so
friendly and so down to earth. She's also beautiful and if I'm not gay, I
would have asked her out already. When we were almost over, my phone began
to ring. I looked at the caller ID and it read Josh. I can't help not to
smile as I took the call.

"Ooh! Boyfriend!" Donna cooed me. I just waved my hands in front of her
dismissing whatever she was saying.

"Hey!" I answered the phone.

"How are you sexy?" He asked me.

"Hot as always." I whispered. "Thanks for last night again." I told him as
I replayed our little phone conversation in my mind making me blush from
that new experience.

"Anytime, babe." JC told me. "So did Reily talk to you?" He asked me. I
think he just woke up because his voice was a little bit scratchy. I
glanced at Donna who was just staring at me with a goofy grin plastered on
her face. Now, I feel so self-conscious.

"Reily?" I asked.

"The guy from Jive." He answered. Wait, I didn't tell him about the person
I was meeting. If I remember correctly, I just told him that I was meeting
some Jive people but no names. There was a knot in my stomach and that was
a very bad omen for me. I don't like something.

"Oh." I said to him as I thought more about the situation. "Yeah, I talked
to him." I said to him tersely. When I glanced at Donna, the smile was gone
but a frown appeared. I guess she sensed the change in my mood.

"Anything wrong?" Josh asked me. I guess he's sensitive too.

"Can we talk later? I'm gonna finish my lunch with Donna, Mr. Reily's
secretary and then, I'll call your phone later." I told him.

"Um, okay." Josh said worriedly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I said and ended the phone call. I was so close in
slamming the phone but my rational mind took over. I just closed my eyes
and breathed in to try to ease some of the pent up feelings inside.

"Anything wrong?" Donna asked as she placed her hand over mine.

"I'm hoping that there's none." I sighed. "I just got a feeling that me
being in Jive wasn't solely something that came out of the blue." I told
her. She just looked at me confused. I took my phone again and dialed
Matt's number. I guess he'll know.

"Matt Hunt." Matt said.

"Matt, it's Kyle." I said.

"Oh, hi Kyle! Everything okay there?" He asked me and I could hear some
papers shuffling. I guess he must be busy.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanna ask you a question about my
job. Did Mr. Reily approach you about the project?" I asked. "Please answer
me honestly."

Matt didn't answer for a few seconds like he was thinking it through. "To
be honest Kyle, Mr. Reily just called me the other day but he said that he
wanted to sound that Mr. Reily and I were talking about this project for
weeks now. I have no idea why but I really wanted the big project. So I
agreed and the other condition that you're the one who will work on the
project." Matt explained to me. In my mind, it's like pieces of a big
puzzle coming together and showing me the complete picture.

"Thanks, Matt." I thanked him. "I'll call you again, okay?" I told him and
ended the call. Again, I placed the phone on the table and closed my eyes.

"I know that it's a silly question to ask now, but are you okay?" Donna
asked once more.

"I'm not." I snapped. "Sorry Donna. I just learned that my boyfriend has a
part in my job in Zomba." I sighed. "And I hate that fact." I added.

"Maybe he loves you really much." Donna said to me.

"And I do love him very much too. But it would just go against my
principles if I work with someone that I got not because of my credentials
but because my boyfriend is a hot shot in there." I told her and when the
words flew out of my mouth, I snapped my hands over my hand. I slipped.

"Don't worry! We secretaries in Jive know about these things." She smiled
at me. "JC is a lucky guy." I was surprised. "Don't worry about
anything. It won't get out." She added.

"How?" I asked.

"Well, when you said that you're gay. It dawned to me that you're the same
Kyle who's the boyfriend of JC. That news has been circulating around the
building for a few days already." She explained to me. I can't believe that
they know about this.

"Do the guys know?" I asked.

"Of course they do! How can JC ask Mr. Reily about it?" She said and then
placed her hand over her mouth. I guess I'm not the only one who slipped.

"Bill please." I signaled one of the waiters and just cocked my head to the
left and looked at Donna. "Don't worry. I already know that. My boss did
tell me about it and Josh kinda slipped too when he named Mr. Reily." I
assured her that she's not part of this.

"Thanks. My reputation is on the line." She told me.

"But I guess I won't be working in Jive." I said sadly. "Like I said, it's
against my principles. I'll talk to JC later about this and I'll call Matt
tomorrow to tell him that I'm declining the project." I told her. The
waiter arrived and handed me the bill. I looked at the total amount and
handed it back to him with my credit card.

"It would have been nice if you're gonna work with us." She told me. I just
sighed.

I brought Donna back to the Jive building and drove to my house feeling
numb. I don't know what to feel. Should I be happy because JC did this for
me? Should I be mad because JC did this to me? Should I be sad because JC
did this? All of the mixed emotions kept on coming in and out of my mind
but it just ended in the feeling of numbness. The only way to solve this is
to talk to JC.

When I reached the house, I opened the door and went to the phone
immediately and dialed JC's number -- I memorized it already. After a few
rings, someone answered. "Chasez phone." Someone answered.

"Is Josh there?" I asked.

"Who's on the line?" The guy asked.

"Kyle." I answered and I already guessed who answered the phone. It was
Justin. Just great! Now, I don't think I have a chance to talk to JC now.

"He's not here." Justin told me. I closed my eyes trying to control my
temper.

"Will he be back immediately?" I asked.

"I'm not sure." Justin said hesitantly.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I said dropping to the couch. Pookie came
running to me and jumped on the couch. I picked her up and placed her on my
chest as I tried to spark up a conversation. I need to talk to someone.

"Um, okay." Justin replied.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked him bluntly.

Justin didn't answer for a few seconds like he was thinking about what he's
gonna say. "Why will I be mad with you?" He asked back with a weak laugh. I
know that he's stalling.

"Because I'm with JC and not with you." I answered. "I know that sounded so
arrogant but that's what I know and what I feel. Your hostility just came
out when JC and I started dating." I told him.

"Come on, Kyle. I'm over it. I'm over you." Justin told me.

"But why do you keep on doing this? I've been reaching out to you and you
keep on pushing me away. I even lied for you to JC and that really made me
feel bad." I told him.

"Lied for me?" Justin asked.

"JC asked me why I didn't call him yesterday. I told him that I just had a
meeting and couldn't phone him." I told Justin.

"Oh." Justin said.

"Yeah, but it's okay." I told Justin. "But now, I'm gonna rant okay? So
don't stop me because I need to rant because JC just did something I didn't
like. I just can't believe that the job I'm offered in Jive was something
that JC asked for. I was so happy yesterday because I thought that it was
my big break and my hard work has brought me this but now everything just
toppled over! It wasn't because I'm good but it's because that JC asked
Jive to give me the fuckin' job! I may sound ungrateful but my principles
are jeopardized here. I can't accept a job that only offered the job
because of someone influential. That's just not me! I'll rather rot in a
dirty old apartment than earning big bucks to something that wasn't really
for me! But now I'm feeling so many emotions because I don't know if I
should be happy, mad or sad or whatever! Everything is just so new to me
and I don't know how to react to this and this is just confusing me more!"
I ended breathing hard. That felt good. "Thank you for being my ear,
Justin." I said calmly.

"No problem." Justin told me and after a few seconds, burst into a fit of
laughter. "Sorry, I just can't help it. You sounded so funny when you're
ranting." He laughed again.

I tried to replay what I said and laughed as well. "I guess it was but it
felt good." I giggled. "It's nice to vent out."

"Yeah." Justin said seriously at once. "Can I?" Justin asked.

"Sure." I answered him.

"You know, the situation you're in sounds so bad but I feel bad too! You
know why? It's because of YOU! You're the reason why I feel so shitty and
that I just can't live my life normally! I just can't help not to be hurt
and mad because you're the first one who rejected me! It's just a new
experience for me and I don't know how to cope with that! Add to that fact
that you're the boyfriend of my best friend! My fuckin' best friend! And do
you know how bad it feels when I see you all lovey dovey? All I was
thinking that it could have been me there and not Josh but me! But no, it's
Josh and I have to be the spectator of all of your shit! I just can't take
it! And when you try to be friends with me, I just can't accept that!
Because whatever I do, I just don't wanna be just a friend because I want
to be your boyfriend! I am so in love with you so much that it hurts!"
Justin was bawling already.

I was speechless. I dunno how to comfort Justin because I was the cause of
his pain. I feel a little guilty but I just can't control my feelings that
I like Josh over him. "I wish I know what to do." I mumbled.

"But there's nothing you can do." Justin sobbed. "You and Josh loves each
other and I have to accept that but it just hurts."

"Why don't you sleep this over and we'll talk more about this." I
suggested.

"Okay." Justin sniffled. "Um, Kyle?" Justin voiced.

"Yes, Justin." I replied.

"Thank you." He told me and then ended the call. I was stunned. It was
still early so I decided that I'll just visit the family to take my mind
off from things that I was thinking about. I picked up Pookie and walked
out of the house to drive to my parents' home. I know that it's just for a
short distance but I was feeling lazy at the moment so I'll just drive.

In no time, I reached our house. I shut off the engine and walked to the
front door carrying Pookie. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to
open up. The door opened up and it was mom. "What a pleasant surprise!" She
exclaimed as she gave me a hug. She also took Pookie from my hands and she
cooed with her ignoring me.

I let myself in and it seemed that Paul was sleeping on the couch -- as
usual. "How's everything mom?" I asked her as she played with Pookie still.

"Nothing has changed dear." She told me and placed Pookie on the
floor. "You just went here last Sunday and you know that this house is
boring." She chuckled heartily. Pookie walked to Paul and jumped on top of
him barking loudly. Paul's eyes shot open and almost jumped.

"Why is this furball on me?" Paul asked as he rubbed the sleepiness off his
eyes. Pookie jumped away from him and walked to me. "Hi Kyle. So what's the
problem?" He asked as he stood up. I moved to the couch and sat.

"Why do you assume that when I go here, I have a problem? I can go here
with my own free will." I told them.

"Yeah right." Paul rolled his eyes.

"Dear, you do come here when you have a problem." My mom told me with a
knowing smile.

"Fine!" I sighed. "I was offered a project in Jive." I told them.

"When did a job become a problem?" Paul wondered as he scratched his head.

"That's just it. I didn't get that because they picked our company but it
was a little influence from the inside." I explained.

"Oh!" Paul said getting my point. "Will you take it?" Paul asked.

"My heart says 'no'." I replied.

"Then follow your heart." My mom told me. "I think you should talk with
your boyfriend and tell him how you felt when he did that. I know that he
was just being a nice boyfriend."

"I know." I nodded. "Where's lil Dee?" I asked.

"In the club. I think they're gonna have a delivery today so she has to be
there." Mom answered. "Will you be staying for dinner?"

"I guess. Pookie is here and Josh has a concert tonight so I can't talk
with him. And I think that Justin won't tell him that I called." I
answered. My mom nodded and excused herself away coz she has to cook
something up with my addition.

"Justin still a pain in the ass?" Paul asked.

"Well, we talked." I said. Paul raised his eyebrow and I guess he's waiting
for the details. "It was more of a ranting, actually. I just needed to vent
out and he was the perfect guy. Then, he vented out as well and confessed
that he's in love with me." I gave Paul the gist of my talk with Justin
earlier.

"Ouch!" Paul winced. "How are you dealing?" He asked.

"Very sad and angry because of Josh and a little bit guilty because of
Justin." I sighed and slumped deeper on the couch while petting Pookie on
my lap.


--------------------
End of Chapter

This is the 16th chapter of my series and I'm still wowed that I lasted
this long. And I still have many more ideas in mind. My only problem is how
I'll wrote those ideas? Well, I know that with the job of Kyle, he'll be
closer to JC but a friend (Kyriel) noted how that was so common so I
thought of not pushing through with that idea and now, let's all see how
this new path would go.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly
appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and
Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other
perfectly. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those
feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line
okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on,
hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry
Yahoo! : yr_ry
MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com
ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is:
yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They
are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive, Jayson... and
the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have helped me with
his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your relationship! Finally,
a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the Nifty archives, without
him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that
influenced me in my craft.

NSYNC Stories.
 + Jamie's Romance (Justin)
 + Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)
 + Josh and Just (JC/Justin)
 + Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)
 + My New Life (Lance)
 + Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)
 + My Surprise Romance (Lance)
 + Life with Justin (Justin)
 + JC's Hitchhiker (JC)
 + Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)
 + Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)
 + Lance's Search (Lance/JC)
 + Like the Rain (Justin)
 + Time Stood Still
 + JC Dreams (JC)
 + My Soulmate JC (JC)
 + Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)
 + Chance Meeting (Justin)
 + Needing You (Lance/Eminem)

Backstreet Stories.
 + Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)
 + Double Take (Brian/Nick)
 + Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)
 + Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)
 + French Kiss Me (Brian)
 + Millennium Love (Brian)
 + Forever (Kevin)
 + Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)
 + Insecurities (Nick)
 + On the Streets (Kevin)
 + Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.
 + Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)
 + The One (Brian/Justin)
 + Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com