Date: Sat, 22 Apr 2000 05:28:24 -0500 From: Angel Lenoir Subject: What is love? 1 DISCLAIMER: This is a homosexual story about two consenting adults. This story in no way implies that any member of NSYNC is gay. To tell the truth, there are only five people that know that answer for sure. However, those of us who don't can always fantasize. BTW, if you're not of age then take your finger, hit the back button on your browser, and get your little tail out of here. Also if you feel that this type of story is perverted or wrong, then don't read any further. However maybe if you did then you'd realize the mistake that you've made and follow those of us who are in control of ourselves. :p Okay now that the legal stuff is out of the way. This is my third story. I have a couple of others out floating about, but that's for you to find out where they are! Anyway, quick shout out to a friend of mine. Henry, you're awesome man. I enjoy our conversations. Without you I don't think that this story would have gotten written. So sit back, relax, unbutton your pants, and get ready for a story that I'm going to try to knock your pants off with. What is love? I "The eight caller with the winner to tonight's trivia question will receive two backstage passes to meet NSYNC in the Alltel Arena. Now listen carefully. Which song of NSYNC's stayed at number one on MTV's TRL for over a month?" "Hmm, that could be one of two songs." I thought as the announcer went on with the question. "This song was also dedicated to their mothers for all the times that they've been there." "I know it! I know it!" I yelled as I jumped for the phone and dialed the number for the radio station. "What caller am I?" I yelled as the station picked up. "Well you're caller number 8!" "Hell yeah!" I shouted. "My a little happy are we? Are you sure that you know the answer?" the DJ asked. "Yeah, the answer is "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on You"", I said. "That's correct, we have a winner! May I have your name sir?" "Yeah, my name's Angel. Angel Lenoir." "Well Angel, what are you going to do with these passes?" Suddenly realizing how bad it looked for a guy to be on a local radio station winning backstage passes to a boy band, I thought quickly. "I'm going to give them to my sisters. They're a big fan of the group and since I didn't have any money I figured what better gift then to try to win them some tickets to see their favorite group in the world?" "Well Angel, that's awfully nice of you. I'm sure that you're sisters are going to love you for that. Now if you'll stay on the phone our management will set up all the details." "Is this Angel?" a female voice asked in a matter of seconds. "Yes it is. Who's this?" "This is Veronica. I'm in charge of PR for the station. I just have a couple of questions that I need to be answered and then you're all set." "First off what names need to go on the passes?" "Names? Uh, well I haven't decided who I'm going to take with me yet. Is there anyway that I can leave one of them blank?" "Well Angel I do need at least one name. I'm assuming that you're going to take the other ticket right? Is there anyone that you'd like to take with you? If you can't think of anyone right now, then we can always call back and confirm the name of the other guest. Also I need your phone number so that we can get a hold of you. Also will you be coming in to get the passes or shall we mail them to you?" "Well I'm going to be kind of busy this week. I guess that I'll need for you to mail them to me. They will be here before the concert right?" "No problem there." "Well in that case here's my number and address." As I was giving her all the information I noticed my friend Kim glaring at me. "Okay, and thanks a lot." I said as I hung up the phone. "Don't know who you're going to take with you, huh?" Kim growled. "I'll tell you who'd you better take with you if you know what's good for you." "Who's that, Kim?" I asked innocently. "You're looking at her. Ms. Tall, Dark, and Beautiful herself." "Oh my mom's home? I didn't hear her come in," I managed to get out before a pillow connected with my head. "Bitch," I laughed as I threw the pillow back at her. "That's Ms. Bitch to you bud and don't you forget it," she said as she snagged the pillow out of the air. "Now seriously, who are you taking? And you'd better get it right this time," she said as she brandished the pillow once again. "Okay, okay. I'll take you. I'll call them tomorrow and let them know." Okay, let me take some time here to explain something. Most of you are probably wondering why a guy would be so excited about going to see NSYNC. I mean most guys that I know wouldn't be caught at a boy band concert for fear of being labeled gay. Well I didn't have that fear. Everyone already knew about me. Well not that I was gay, but that I was bisexual. Kim was the first person that I'd come out to. I was afraid that she was going to be disgusted with me, but instead she just sat down on the bed and hugged me. I cried for the first time in over a year that night. Since then Kim and I had been the best of friends. It was thanks to her that I finally had the courage to come out to my parents, and she was the one that stood behind me when my parents threw me out of their lives. I never knew that Kim had a temper, but that night she showed her Irish side. I think that she flayed every inch of my parents with her tongue and would have kept on going if I hadn't broken down and ran out of the house. I haven't talked with my parents since then, and that was over 8 months ago. Well to make a long story short, Kim became my rock as did the rest of my friends. It seemed that most of them had already guessed what I was hiding. I was even pleasantly surprised to find out that my friend Jon was bisexual as well. It was through their support that I finally realized that as much as it hurt, if my parents couldn't accept me as who I was then I didn't need them. Now as I looked over at Kim, I was reminded of the other thing that had kept me going all these long months; music. I had always been a big fan of NSYNC's but it was during this time that I realized who much of an impact some of their music had on people. When I was down all I had to do was pop in one of their CD's and in minutes I was back to my joyful carefree self. I started to get involved with the campus music group, and was surprised to find that I still had a singing voice after all. Within weeks I was back in practice, and was being offered the leads in several concerts. However something was missing in my life. As much as my friends were there, I was still lonely. Ever where I looked someone had a partner. I'd gone 21 years without one and was beginning to feel like I'd never have one at all. And it didn't help that I had a major crush on some people who would never find out. Then it hit me. "Kim, what if I do something wrong? What if they find out that I'm bi? What if they hate me because of it and throw me out?" "Angel, calm down. It's okay. It won't happen. I'll be there with you, and if they try to throw you out they'll have to go through me first. I think I can handle them don't you?' I tried to picture this 100 pound girl holding back security, and I couldn't help it as I started laughing. "Gee I guess that's all us black folk are good for is comedy relief." Kim said as she watched me laughing. "I'm sorry, it's just you holding back three 300 pound guys. You have to admit it is kind of funny." "Okay, okay. I'll admit it is funny, but you better not underestimate what I can do." Kim said with a laugh. "Underestimate you? Never, you'd talk me out of it!" "Well anyway sweetie, I have to get back to my room." "Why not stay here tonight? Jim won't be back and it's not like Jessica's going to run you out or anything." See sometimes there are advantages to living in a co-ed dorm, and this was one of them. Many times I'd stayed in Kim's room or she'd stayed in mine when our roommates weren't there. "Sure, why not. This way you won't forget to call and have my name put on the other pass, now will you?" Kim said as she pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. "Now would I do a thing like that?" I asked as got ready for bed. "Yeah you would. Now go to sleep." She said as she turned off the light. "Kim?" "Yeah?" "Thanks." "For what?" "For everything. Without you being here I don't think I'd have been able to go on." I said as tears started to trickle down my cheeks. Within seconds Kim was in the bed gathering me up into a hug. "There, there. Don't cry Angel. It's okay." Kim murmured as she stroked my hair. It wasn't long before I'd drifted off to sleep. "What are you doing here? I thought that I told you that I never wanted to see you again?" "But mom, I'm your son. Why can't you accept the way that I am?" "Because it's wrong. You're going to hell and I don't want to be associated with you. From the moment that I brought you in this world I knew that there was something wrong with you. I just could never figure out what it was." "How can you say something like that? I'm your son dammit. Don't you still have some shred of love left for me?" "Love? What is love? Is love the feeling of having your heart torn out when your only son tells you that he's gay?" "But mom, I'm not gay! I'm bisexual." "Sure you say that now, but have you ever been interested in girls? Why have you never dated anyone before? Dammit you're 21 years old and you've never even had a girlfriend! How in the hell can you sit there and tell me that you're not gay?" "But I'm not gay mom. I'm bisexual. You might not be able to accept it right now, but I do pray that you'll accept it someday. And I just want you to know that I still love you." "Oh what a laugh. Little fag boy still loves his mother. Why don't you go and blow that smoke up someone else's ass. I don't believe you anymore. I can't believe that I'd ever loved you. Well that's a problem that I can remedy right now." With those words she reached into her chest and brought out here heart. "Here, do you want to step on it some more? It won't feel anything any more. You've already broken it." With those words she dropped the heart and I started screaming. "Angel, wake up. It's okay. It's only a dream." I heard a voice saying. With a start I woke up to look up into Kim's concerned face. "It was only a nightmare. It's okay now." She said as I started to cry. Gathering me up in her arms, I just laid my head on her shoulder and cried until I could cry no longer. "Want to talk about it baby?" she asked as I finally quit crying. I just shook my head no. As she got up to go back to her bed, I grabbed her. "Please don't go." "Okay," I won't she promised as she hugged me again. "I'll stay here until you go back to sleep." The next morning I woke up to a warm body curled around mine. As I looked down I noticed a black arm draped across my chest. I tried to avoid waking Kim up as I left the bed, but I must not have done a good job of it. I heard her sit up as I headed to the bathroom. As I washed my face I looked in the mirror. "Damn," I thought as I noticed the black bags under my eyes, "I look like I haven't slept in over a week." After putting in my contacts I looked back in the mirror. The face looking back at me had often been called cute. Shoulder length blonde hair, brown eyes, and a face that looked like it had seen too much of the world looked back at me. "Hey babe, are you almost through in there? You're almost as bad as a girl, and I still have to pee, " a voice hollered breaking my concentration. "What? Oh yeah, hold on one second. I'll be right out." I hollered back. As I grabbed my razor I squeezed out the door as Kim rushed through the door. "And don't forget to call the radio station," she hollered as she closed the door. With a sigh, I went over to the phone and dialed the number. "KTLR, how may I help you?" a voice said over the receiver. "I need to speak with Veronica or someone in PR." "Well Veronica won't be back in until tonight, but I can let you talk to Michael." "Okay, that'll be fine." "May I ask who's calling?" "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Angel Lenoir. I won the backstage passes last night and I need to let them know the name of the other person who's going to go with me." "Okay, one moment please." Within about thirty seconds a guy's voice picked up. "Mr. Lenoir? My name is Michael. I hear that you made up your mind for the other person already?" "Yes sir. The name of the other person will be Kim Blanche." "Thank you very much sir, and I'd like to congratulate you once again on your winnings." "Thank you." I said as I hung up the phone. "Well its taken care of," I said as Kim came out of the bathroom, "Now shall we go treat ourselves to breakfast?" The week just seemed to fly by. As I finished up my choir practice, I quickly gathered up my things and prepared to leave the room. "Oh, Angel, may I speak with you for a minute?" Dr. Helmsley said as I prepared to leave the room. "Well I am in a hurry, but if it won't take too long I don't see why not." "Good. Angel to tell you the truth, I have a small favor to ask of you." "Oh really? And what might that be?" "Well I know that this is short notice, but you do know that there's a concert in the Alltel Arena tonight right?" "Yeah the NSYNC concert," I replied. "Well you see the city thought that it'd be a good idea if we had someone from the area take the group out afterwards. You know show them around and such. How familiar are you with the Little Rock area?" "Well Dr. Helmsley, since I've lived there all my life I can honestly say that I know it very well. Why?" "Well you see I was supposed to do it, but I have to go out of town tonight. I have to get a replacement, so I figured that since they were musicians like yourself that maybe you'd like to help me out?" "You mean that you want me to escort NSYNC around tonight?" "Well actually you'd be starting this afternoon around 3:30" "3:30? That only gives me two hours to get ready! I have to get going!" "I take it that's a yes then?" "Hell yeah that's a yes." I yelled as I ran out of the door. I was in the hall before I realize what I'd just said. "Uh sorry," I said sheepishly as I stuck my head back in the door. "That's quite alright. Now get out of here, or you'll never be ready." I was at my dorm in about three minutes. I'm sure that people would be talking about the blur that had passed them for a couple of days. As I reached the room I through my stuff down on my bed and hopped into the closet. After about 15 minutes of searching I finally came out with something that was presentable. Rushing to the shower, I ran into Kim. "Kim, I'm not going to be able to ride with you to the concert tonight." "Oh man. What's happened?" "Oh nothings happened. I just have to do Dr. Helmsley a favor. I have to be in Little Rock by 3:30." "Your ticket is in the room. You remember where we put them right?" "Yeah." "Well I have to take a shower, and then get going. I'll see you there!" Within about 30 minutes I was on the road. Luckily Dr. Helmsley had called and left me the name of the hotel that I was supposed to meet the guys at. I'd been in such a hurry that I'd forgotten all about needing it. Luckily it was a place that I'd worked a couple of summers at, so I knew that I'd have no trouble finding it. At 3:30 sharp I pulled up in the hotel parking lot. As I jumped out I gave the guy the keys, and walked into the hotel. As I approached the desk I noticed that the hotel seemed to have called in some extra security. "Hey Laura. How's it going?" "Angel? What in the world are you doing here? I thought that you were in school this semester?" "I am, but I how could I be in Little Rock and resist coming and seeing someone as pretty as you?" "Okay, you can quit the flattery right there young man. I'm old enough to be your grandma. I don't need to be getting those kinds of notions at my age. Now what can I do for you?" "Well Laura I believe that I'm supposed to be meeting some of your guests." "Oh really? You know of course that I'll have to have a room number before I can give you any phone numbers?" "I know dear. If I remember right they're staying in rooms 1010 through 1014." As I gave her the numbers of the rooms, she got a frown on her face and looked back up at me. "Okay honey, I have to ask this. How'd you get those room numbers? Some very important people book those rooms. I don't think that I can let you have the numbers. I'm going to have to call Bob out here and get him to okay it." "Okay, hon. I understand. Just hurry please I'm already sort of late as it is." "It'll only take a minute," she said as she picked up the phone. "Hey Bob, I have Angel here and he says that he's supposed to be meeting some guests? Oh he is? She did? Well I'm glad that someone told me about it! I was ready to send him back outside." "So what's the verdict?" "He says to go on up and that they're waiting for you in room 1012." "Okay, thanks a lot hon if there's ever anything that I can do for you just let me know about it." "Well there is something that you can do for me." "Oh? What's that?" "Would you mind getting their autographs for my granddaughter? She'd be upset if she ever found out that I had the opportunity and didn't take it." "Sure, anything to make sure that she's happy. I'll talk to you later Laura." "Sure, hon, you go have fun with your group." As I made my way up to the room I looked at my watch. "Shit I thought. It's already 3:45. Aren't I going to look like a good tour guide. I can't even show up on time." Finally the door to the elevator opened and I stepped out. Quickly heading down the hall, I found the door to the room. Seeing it ajar, I started to knock when I heard voices inside. "Dammit, first we get told that our guide had to go out of town, and now the replacement guide is late. I wonder what their problem is." "Justin calm down." "Calm down? Why in the hell should I? I mean we go out and bust our balls for everyone. We get a little bit of time to ourselves and this Angel dude isn't even here on time. By the way, what kind of name is Angel? It sounds like something that one of our stupid fans would come up with." With those words I couldn't help it. See I'd always been sensitive about my name, but it was mine. I wasn't going to change it. That didn't prevent me from getting mad though. Before I thought about what I was doing I pushed the door open. "The name is one that my mother picked out when she thought that she wouldn't have any more children. And as to the remark about stupid fans, just remember if it wasn't for those stupid fans then you wouldn't be the big shots that you are today. Remember you're there for the fans, not the fans for you. So if you're through with all of your bitching, would you kindly follow me and we can get this tour over with." I said as I turned around and heading toward the elevator. As I hit the button horror and shock came over me. "Had I really just told of my idol? One of the guys that I'd had a crush on forever?" As tears started to roll down my cheeks I punched the button rapidly. As the doors started to open, I quickly pushed my way in relieved that there was no one in it. As the doors were starting to close, an arm shot through and opened them back up. Looking up through tears, I noticed the brightest blue eyes peering down at me. "I'm sorry," he said before I could say anything. "Sorry? Sorry for what?" I asked in disbelief. "I was the one that went off on you." "Yeah, but I shouldn't have said what I did. I've just been a little up tight. Will you accept my apology?" "Only if you'll accept mine." "Okay it's a deal then, on one condition." "Oh, what's that?" "You have to come back and introduce yourself to us properly. After all you are our guide still." "Well I guess you have a point there. And since I am the tour guide, if you behave yourself I might even take you to one of my favorite places in town." I said with a smile. "Well in that case I'll try to behave." Justin said as he helped me to my feet. "Now come on, you still have to meet the others." Okay guys, I know what you're going to say. Not very realistic is it? However since this is a fantasy then I can make it happen anyway that I want to right? Any way there was no sex in this chapter. There will probably be no sex in the next couple of chapters either. I'm trying to build a story here, not a sex pot. I apologize if you don't feel that I'm doing a good job. However I will welcome all comments, suggestions, and such. All that I must ask is that you don't flame me. If you do flame me, then you'll get a nice lengthy letter back from me in which I'll probably talk about everything under the sun from your mother to your dog, if you have a dog, and then some. So believe me when I say that it's not worth your time or mine. After all I have several more chapters to think up. Anyway hope that you like it. Until next time, live long, prosper, and may your jeans split in the right direction.