Introduction:Well, where should I start? This here is my story, about the Backstreet Boys. I have been working on this story for the past few months, (yes, that means that I already have a few chapters written). I'm a little nervous about sending it out, since I've put so much of who I am into it. I want to start off by saying, I don't consider myself a writer. My grammar isn't excellent, and my vocabulary could be better... but I think I have a way of expressing feelings. The emotion is in there, somewhere. I've tried to create a well rounded, believable story. Not too far fetched. The timeline runs pretty much parallel to reality. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm pretty confident in you all liking this story. I think there's a part of each of us that will be able to relate to the characters. I hope you laugh, I hope you cry, I hope you curse out your screen on occasion. Most of all, I hope this story will allow you to reflect on your life, on your feelings... and especially, focus on what you Dream at Night.

Disclaimer: The story involves a relationship, between a member of the Backstreet Boys (who? You'll have to read and find out), and a rather charming fellow. Yes, two guys. If that comes as a shock to you: 1. You're a complete moron. 2. You need not procreate. 3. Press ALT and F4 at the same time right... NOW!

Its a love story.. and that means there will be sex in it. After all, sex is a deep emotional form of expressing the love between two individuals. I'm not one of those "There won't be any sex in it! So too bad!" kind of persons. I feel like some people view sex as some cheap, embarrassing, taboo thing.. especially in writing. Like I said, sex is a part of life. A part of love. So if you don't enjoy reading those parts, skim over the story, or just click ALT + F4 :)

And about the disclaimer on who should and should not be reading this.... Where is it written that there must be one? People are going to read what they want.... so just don't get caught :)

Finally, this is fiction and not meant to imply anything about the true sexuality of any member of the Backstreet Boys

Background Info: The story starts off during the Backstreet Boys' second leg of their Millennium tour. I'll probably jump a bit to catch up to the present time once the tour is over. If you don't really care about a time frame, please let me know, so I can stop caring about it :) I love to get feedback. I'm still going to write the story, but depending on the feedback, if any, I'll decide how fast to release the chapters I have already written, and how much time to spend on writing others. If you want a list of the characters, to just keep by your side while your reading, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Also, the main character. To me, I picture him as being the same height as Brian, maybe an inch taller. He has black hair, mesmerizing eyes (I think I wrote them in as being green.) He has a nice build, has great teeth and nice kiss-able lips. I'm looking for pictures of how you picture him to be... I have one in mind already, but if I like yours more, you'll get a nice prize... like the chapters before anyone else.. maybe get your ideas involved in the story :) So e-mail me.

And now on with the story....

Oh but first, one last thing.....

I hope this story not only makes you reflect on your life, your feelings... but also on what you...

Dream at Night.........

When I Dream At Night

Prologue: The Beginning

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be rich and famous? What it would feel like to be a rock star... To perform on stage for thousands and thousands of people. To hear your name being chanted over and over again. To have that wave of love and admiration lift you up. I have. As a teenager I became fascinated by fame. I imagined myself living in the spotlight. I wondered what it would feel like to enter a room and have everyone know my name, to have paparazzi hound me for a picture. I felt like fame would give my life some sort of meaning. That it would fill this empty space inside of me. I wanted fame more than anything in the world. As I grew into my late teens I started to lose my fascination with fame. I started to realize that my reason for fame was to replace the love that was missing in my life. I felt that fame would cause me to become too preoccupied with my career to think about what was really missing in my life. Too busy to feel pain and sorrow. My mind became preoccupied with the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Fame was no longer in my mind, love was.. I didn't want to feel lonely anymore. I wanted to know that there was one other person out there that would make the worst of time, worth going through.. To forget about everything around me, being held tightly in a warm embrace. I wanted love more than anything in the world. Sometimes that was all I could think about... all I dreamed about.


"So are you ready for 2 months of long grueling days?" Leila asked.

"I'm more than ready Leila. I'm extremely exited about this!" I answered cheerfully.

"Yeah, that's what your saying now, but just wait for the third week to roll around. You'll be wishing you were back home eating home cooked meals."

There I was sitting in the back of a town car with Leila Jennings, the Backstreet Boys' press coordinator, heading towards JFK airport. We were catching a flight out to Orlando where we were meeting up with part of the crew to the second leg of the Backstreet Boys "Into The Millennium Tour." I would be in Orlando for a week, taking part in meetings with the people I would be working closely with, which consisted of the publicist, managers, Leela's co-press coordinator, and the other assistants. Once that week was over with we would head out to University Park, Pennsylvania, where the first 2 concerts would take place.

"By the way, I had forgotten to ask you if you're a fan of the Backstreet Boys?" Leila said.

"Yeah, you could say I'm a fan," I said with a grin.

"Well, you're going to become a bigger fan, if that's even possible, after you meet the guys. They are all extremely nice, nicest people I have ever worked for," Leila said, "and I've worked for a lot of artist, from snobs to drama queens."

Leila continued making conversation and I tried paying attention, laughing at some of the wild stories she was sharing, but I couldn't stop thinking about what a wild turn my life had taken (don't they always in these stories?). Only weeks ago I was living at home, going to college, and having a job I didn't really care for. For months I had been fetching coffee for top execs at the BMG offices in NYC. Now here I was, at the age of 19, on my way to Florida to begin working with the largest musical act in the world. All I kept thinking about was how things like this never happened to people like me. But there I was, on my way to Florida, with a huge smile plastered across my face.


It was now Saturday and one concerts were already behind us. When we reached Pennsylvania, 4 days before the first concert, the Backstreet Boys were finishing up their rehearsals. I learned that they had arrived a week and a half before us, along with all the roadies, to finish their tour rehearsals on the full stage in the venue.

Everything so far was going really great. Everyone was incredibly busy running around making sure everything was on schedule. I hadn't actually meet any of the guys personally yet. I had only exchanged a few "hellos" when we bumped into each other in the halls and at meetings. (Hey, what did you think? That I'd be doing at least one of them by now? This might be a story, but lets keep it realistic people!)

Leila was pretty much testing my abilities the first week. Not that being a press coordinator assistant was incredibly difficult. It was just very hectic. First and foremost, I acted as Leela's main assistant, making sure she kept on schedule with everything. If she didn't keep to her schedule, as everyone else, then the Backstreet Boys schedule would be affected. It didn't take long to show Leila that I was capable of doing a lot more than she had expected of me.

Leila put me in charge of the fan conferences the Boys were having throughout the tour. I had to make sure that all the promotions for the fan conferences were running smoothly. I had to make sure the local radio stations received the passes to the conferences so that they could give them away to fans, plus a million other things. My favorite part of working on the fan conferences was actually getting to interact with Brian, Kevin, Howie, AJ and Nick. I got to walk with them into the press room and direct them on what they needed to do. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

The first fan conference was held at the first concert of the tour. It turned out better than I had expected because I actually had the opportunity to have a small conversation with Howie. As we made our way down the hall towards the press room, where all the fans were waiting, Howie was able to introduce himself. He had maneuvered around his bodyguards, assistants and other people who always seemed to walk with each Backstreet Boy. I was very glad to have an accurate first impressions of him after conversing, which had been of him being friendly and down to earth.

Saturday, the second day of the tour, Howie was running really late. One of the boys managers, Mark Benning, saw me exiting the elevator and asked me to stay behind and escort Howie, along with his bodyguards and whoever else, to the venue once he was done getting ready, and take him directly to the fan conference room.

"Mr. Dorough? Are you ready?" I knocked lightly on his room's door.

One of the boys wardrobe assistants opened the door and ushered me inside.

"I think you need to hurry up cause the rest of the guys are already on their way to the venue," I added.

To my luck, Howie came walking out of the bathroom shirtless. 'What a hottie,' I thought to myself. 'The wardrobe people have a way better job than I do, getting to see the guys with very little on.'

"I figured it was you," Howie said, walking out from the bathroom a couple of minutes later.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you called me Mr. Dorough when we first spoke," he explained. "Only new people on the tour act so formal, and you are one of the few new additions. I didn't get the chance to correct you then, since all the fans started screaming when we entered the press room. But I do now, so please, call me Howie."

"Okay, Howie. Are you ready to go to the venue? We're running really late," I said, looking at my watch. "The others are probably only minutes from the venue and the fan conference is scheduled to begin less than an hour from now.

"Pass me my shoes," Howie said turning to his assistant. "I'm sorry, what's your name again?"

"Jonathan Bratt." I answered him, as soon as I realized he was talking to me again.

"So Jonathan, how did you get the pleasure to escort me to the venue?" Howie asked.

"I really don't know. You weren't done getting ready and everyone else needed to head over to the venue, so Mark Benning told me to stay behind with you and your bodyguard. Come to think of it, I don't think he even realized who he sent!" I said laughing. "I guess I was just at the right place at the right time."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you didn't say you were at the wrong place at the wrong time!" Howie said, laughing.

"There's still some time 'till we get to the venue so I might just change my mind," I said, with a grin. We reached the lobby and walked towards the back door of the hotel where the limousine was waiting.

"No need to worry, I'm no trouble. For future reference though, watch out for A.J. He's the drama queen of the group!" Howie informed me.

"I'm guessing he would say the same thing about you," I said with a grin.

"No, AJ would say Kevin is the drama queen of the group. Nick would be the one to give me the title."

We both had a laugh over our conversation and jumped into the van.


"What the hell took you so long Howie?" Nick came up to us as soon as we entered the lounge area set up for the guys at the arena.

"Sorry! I just got held up by my family at the hotel." Howie answered Nick. "Hey Nicky, this is Jonathan."

"Hey Jonathan." Nick said turning to me.

"Hey," I said with a smile.

"So you are Leela's assistant right?"


"I figured. Wherever I see Leila, I see you running around," Nick said laughing.

"Yeah, she keeps me pretty busy," I said.

"So Jonathan, how old are you? You look really young,"

"I'm 19."

"Awesome! I'm not the youngest one around here anymore!" Nick exclaimed.

Just as Nick was about to jump into another question I noticed Leila walking towards us.

"I think its time for the conference to start so we better get a move on." I said as I motioned the guys towards the press room, before Leila even got near us.


The fan conference went on without any problems. Leila seemed very pleased with my job on setting it up. Once the conference was over there were about 2 hours left for the concert to begin. During those two hours I didn't have any responsibilities but I chose to work on some paperwork for the next day, just to get a head start. Right before the concert started I had to make sure the photographers made their way to the press section and then I was able to just sit back and watch the concert.

The concert was amazing. The guys sang, dance and entertained for 2 full hours. They really did an amazing job with putting this tour together. Fireworks, confetti, lights and smoke filled the arena, and not to mention the incredibely loud screams. Luckily I had earplugs with me or I would have lost my hearing for good. This was the 7th concert of the tour I had seen and it was as entertaining as the first one. How could it not be entertaining watching 5 hotties dance around!

When I got back to the hotel I decided to hang out in the lounge. I was still pumped up from watching the concert so I didn't feel like sleeping. I was down in the lounge by myself for a while until Rachel, a friend I had made, came to join me. Rachel was actually one of the Boys' personal assistants. She pretty much made sure the guys had everything they needed at all times.

"Hey Jonathan."

"Hey Rachel, what's up?" I asked. "The guys making you work this late?"

"No way in hell would they be able to make me work this late! If they need anything they can pick up the phone and dial room service themselves!" Rachel said.

"Its has been a long day for all of us, hasn't it?" I added.

"Every day is a long day!" She said flopping down on the couch.

"Can't argue with you on that one." I took a seat next to Rachel on the couch.

"By the way, what did Nick want you for?" Rachel asked.

"Nick? What do you mean?"

"Didn't he find you?" Rachel looked at me, expecting me to know what she was talking about.

"He was looking for me? Why?"

"I don't know. He was walking around the halls looking for you when he got back to the hotel. I didn't realize you guys started talking."

"I got a chance to talk to Howie and Nick earlier today." I explained. "I had to bring Howie to the venue since he was running late and we struck up a conversation, and he ended up introducing me to Nick."

"You should go up and see what he wants," Rachel said. "But go at your own risk!"

"What do you say that?" I asked, looking at her with a confused look.

"Well, I'm afraid Nick has found another Nintendo pal."

"Yeah right! I'm sure Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys wants to play video games with me," I said laughing.

"Weirder things have happened you know," Rachel said. "Just go and see what he wants. I'm going to head to the bar and make myself happy."

"Just make sure you don't get so happy you won't be able to find your room!" I said, smiling at her. I stood up from the couch and made my way over to the elevators.

I made my way up to the guy's floor. JJ, their main bodyguard, just checked my pass and let me by, which was surprising considering he usually either stripped searched anyone who wanted to get near the guys or just sent them away. I walked down the long hallway and stopped at an open door, to the right of me. I poked my head into the room and saw Nick sitting on one of the couches in the room watching TV. I knocked on the door to get Nick's attention.

"Hey Jonathan!" Nick said when he saw me. "I was looking for you a while ago!"

"Yeah, Rachel just told me. Do you need something?" I was expecting Nick to give me some job to do for him.

"Not really. I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out," Nick twiddled with his fingers as he asked.

"Um, sure. I mean, why not?" I said..

"Cool. I need to hang out with someone my age or I'm going to go crazy!" Nick replied.

"Well, normally I only hang with older people, but I'll make an exception this time. Just for you." I said.

"Oh, I feel so honored." Nick said with a laugh. He invited me into his room and patted the empty side of the couch he was sitting on so I could sit there.

"I really do need to talk to some new people. You can only hang out with the same 4 people so much!" Nick said, of course referring to Brian, Kevin, AJ and Howie.

"I can imagine. You guys must get on each others nerves, huh?" I took a seat next to Nick, my right leg propped up on the coach, so as to face Nick comfortably.

"Yeah, some more than others," Nick said. "So how are you liking being on tour so far?"

"Its great! I'm loving it," I answered. "A little too much maybe."

"Why do you say that?" Nick gave me a bewildered look.

"I'm afraid I might get used to it too much that I'm not gonna want it to end. I've always wanted to do this. Be on tour that is. A new city every night, meeting cool and interesting people. I'm not going to want to go home once the tour is over."

"Maybe we won't want you to go home either," Nick said.

"Sounds good to me!"

"So you don't miss home at all?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, I miss some things about home. I miss my mother mostly. I've never really gone more than 2 weeks without seeing her, so it gets hard sometimes. But I'm so busy working most of the time that I don't really get a chance to think about it."

"I get really homesick! You would think I would be used to being away from home since I've been doing this for 7 years now, but its still hard. I miss my whole family so much." Nick said.

"This is all new to me, being on tour that is. Everything is so exiting that between working and taking it all in, all I have time for is sleep."

Nick and I sat and talked for about an hour more. Surprisingly, I did most of the talking, since Nick asked me question after question. He seemed really interested in getting to know me. I tried getting in one or two questions but he didn't seem to like talking about himself. I told him about growing up in New York City and what it was like to go to college. We eventually started yawning and made our way back to our own rooms.

Sunday morning's wake up call came at 8 AM. Everyone was to board the busses at 9 AM and head towards the next stop on the tour, Albany, New York.


"Hey Jonathan! Why don't you ride with us?" Nick called out as he walked towards the busses, dragging along 2 huge sports bags.

The Boy's bus was parked 3 busses over from mine so I walked over to where Nick was. "Ride with you guys?"

"Yeah! If you have to get some work done, you can do it on our bus," Nick replied.

"I guess so. If no one else minds that is," I said

"Well, don't sound too exited about getting to spend some more time with me and the guys!" Nick said, trying to sound hurt at the lack of excitement in my voice. Any ways, its settled! Your riding with us! I'm sure you don't want to be on that bus for 5 hours with a bunch of old guys anyways!" Nick laughed as he noticed some of the 'old guys' heading his way.

"Hey! We might be old, but we're still fun!" Joe, one of the managers said walking up behind Nick and I, followed by a couple publicists. "Go ahead Jonathan and ride with the boys."

"Okay, great. Let me just go get the rest of my bags," I said, turning to Nick.

"Hurry up man!" Nick called as he watched me run over to my assigned bus.

"Hey guys! Jonathan is riding with us, ok?" Nick called out to the guys as soon as he saw them walking out from the hotel.

"Cool! I need someone new to talk to. I'm sick of having to talk to you guys," AJ said, laughing as he jumped onto the bus.

"Fuck you," Howie said grinning.

"All right, I'm all set." I had gotten all my bags and placed them in the storage bins under the buss. I ended up just carrying my laptop and a book bag onto the bus with me.

"Hey Jonathan," Brian said as he walked up to me.

"Hey Brian."

Out of all the guys, Brian and Kevin were the ones I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk with. Brian and I had only exchanged a couple words in the club, but that was about it. I didn't think he was unfriendly or anything, but he was definitely a bit more reserved than the other guys. Kevin, on the other hand, was always busy doing something, so I didn't think anything of it.

"I hope you guys don't mind my presence," I said as I walked onto the bus.

"Not at all bud. On the contrary, your presence will be appreciated even more than some others on this bus," AJ said as he nodded his head towards Nick and Howie.

"Real funny AJ." Howie said giving him the evil eye. "Grab a seat Jonathan."

Howie and Nick were sitting across from AJ in the front lounge, the first main room of the lavish tour bus. Just before the front lounge, 2 large comfortable seats were located for 2 of the Boys bodyguards that had to travel with them on the bus for security reasons. The kitchen and dining area was directly behind the front lounge. After the kitchen came the bunks. A total of 10 bunks lined the bus: first a set of 3 on each side, then a set of 2 on each side.. The bunks looked incredibly comfortable and spacious. Then came 2 bathrooms, opposite each other. After the bathrooms was the back lounge, or entertainment room, which was the last room of the bus. The back lounge was lined by a comfortable long curving couch. A TV with VCR hung from the ceiling, with a playstation attached to it.

"Do you have any work to do?" Nick asked as he took a seat across from me in the front lounge.

"I just have to make a few phone calls to the local radio stations and make sure they picked the contest winners and see if they received the fan conference passes, but that's about it."

"Great! I'm going to have plenty of time to whoop your ass at Playstation!" Nick laughed.

"We'll see who whoops whose ass," I said.

Once everyone was settled in, all 10 coach busses pulled out from the parking lot and made their way to the highway. Nick, Howie, AJ and I went to the back of the bus where the TV and Playstation were. Kevin and Brian had stayed up front, in the front TV room.

We all made small talk while we took turns playing Playstation. Everything was going great until AJ decided to start asking me questions about my personal life. The night before, Nick, had just asked general questions about growing up and about going to school. He hadn't gotten personal.

"So Jonathan, did you leave a girlfriend or boyfriend back at home?" AJ asked

The boyfriend part threw me off for a second. By the expression on Nick and Howie's faces, I quickly realized that AJ must have meant it as a joke.

"Nope, no relationship at the moment," I answered. I was never one to be very open, with anyone, about my personal love life. Especially not with people I barely knew.

"When was your last relationship?" He continued.

"A few months ago." I figured AJ wasn't going to change the topic, so before he got to sex, I excused myself from the room. "I'm just gonna go get something to drink, I'll be back."

I made my way through the bunk area towards the kitchen. As I poured myself a glass of water, Brian came walking into the kitchen.

"Hey," Brian said, smiling at me.

"Hey Brian." His smile seemed to light up the room. That smile must have gotten him anything he wanted when he was younger, I imagined. Probably still does actually.

"So what are you guys up to?" He asked.

"Just letting Nick win at Playstation and getting grilled with questions," I answered with a smile.

"AJ I'm assuming?." Brian asked with a raised eyebrow.

"He sure does like to ask a lot of questions, doesn't he?"

"AJ likes to get to know people fast. He thinks he can learn everything about a person in one day," Brian said with a chuckle. "I always tell him, 'people aren't always willing to share everything so quickly,' but he doesn't listen."

"So true. I'm glad I got away when I did then."

"Well, how about you join me up front? I need some company, and that way you can stay away from AJ a little longer." Brian flashed me his smile and lead me towards the front of the bus.

"Thanks," I said as I followed Brian into the front TV room. "What happened to Kevin?"

"Oh, he went into his bunk. He's still pretty tired from last night. He didn't get much sleep," Brian filled me in. "Take a seat."


"So how did you end up getting this job?"

"Actually, I was doing some temp work at the BMG offices in New York City and I heard about an assistants position being available. I talked to the right people and I found my way to Leila's office in the city and begged for an interview."

"So you aced the interview, I see."

"You would think so, wouldn't you? It didn't go all that good, but I pretty much begged and she saw how dedicated I could be and she gave me a shot."

"Leila is that type of person. She doesn't really care what you've done or where you've been. She only cares about what you can do and where you can go in the future," Brian said.

"I owe her a big one. An unbelievable big one."

"Well, things have a way of working out. Some things are meant to be," Brian said.

"They do, don't they?"

"I don't mean to sound like AJ put, miss home?" Brian turned to me and grinned.

"Honestly, I haven't had much time to think about home. I've been kept really busy." I answered, not minding Brian's questions. They were a lot less intrusive than AJ's.

"A busy schedule keeps your mind from going places it doesn't want to go," Brian said, as he stared at the TV.

"Yeah, I guess it does." Brian and I sat there watching TV for a little while. Brian had been watching Forest Gump, so we continued to watch it. I loved that movie. Every time I watched it I got sad though. Brian and I just sat there watching the TV, not really knowing what to say to each other. We were content watching the movie in silence.

The part when Forest stands at the grave of his wife and reads her the letter he wrote for her, I turned to look at Brian. That part always got to me. I remembered the first time I watched it, I broke down in tears as I watched and listen to him read the letter. As I looked at Brian, I saw him wipe a tear from his face. It brought a smile to my face to know that a movie could make him cry, and to realize we had something in common. Before he could notice me staring at him though, I turned my attention back to the TV.

By the time "Forest Gump" had finished, Nick and Howie had joined Brian and I. Once the movie ended, I went to the back of the bus to get my work done. I spent the rest of the time on the bus watching TV with the guys. At one point, I found myself sitting at the front of the bus, looking out onto the road. I just sat there and thought about things. I thought about where I was at that exact moment, the Backstreet Boy's tour bus, and just tried to let it sink in. The way things were going, I didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow or where I was going to be. I loved that feeling. For the first time in my life I actually had a sense of freedom. I felt as if I would never feel that way again. I couldn't have imagined what was in store for me in the future.

To Be Continued....

If anyone out there would like to help me on how to make the story an HTML document, please email me. I really would like to be able to make certain things bold and italicized etc. Now, if your are just the most giving person and would like to turn each chapter into HTML, feel free to let me know... you would get each chapter as soon as I finish writing them :) And my love and appreciation :) lol.. But some help will do just fine :)

I don't think i'll release the second chapter until I'm able to submit it as an HTML doc.