Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 19:29:44 +0100 (BST)
From: Alec C. <alecsandria@yahoo.com>
Subject: When my pretty boy sleeps part 18-22

I didn't get any feedback for Can't fight the moonlight (shameless plug)
Please go read it. It's on Nifty as well.

Anyways a new instalment for When My Pretty Boy Sleeps. I didn't forget
about the loyal readers who have been emailing me constantly begging and
threatening me to update very soon. My sincere apologies that it took me so
long. If they could only make the day a little longer...

Anyway... thanks to Ath for the beta.

Feedback, constructive or negative, can be send to Alecsandria@yahoo.com

Thank you and enjoy this instalment.

Hugs
Alec


Part 18


The airport was buzzing with noise. Happy people who were checking in to go
to some exotic holiday destination and others coming back from where ever
they had been. The happy chatter went straight past the pacing brunette in
the VIP room. He kept checking his watch. It was only 30 seconds later than
the last time he checked.

'Sit down.'

Ryan's demanding voice sent a shiver down JC's back. It was the first time
Ryan had spoken since JC had showed up at his hotel room with his
suitcase. Ryan had bought the crap story that JC managed to get away from
Joey and that he wanted to go back with Ryan to make up for the lost time.

JC softly growled at Ryan and continued pacing. He turned around and
slammed into Ryan's chest. Immediately he felt the familiar fingers dig
deep into his skin.

'I told you to sit down. Maybe I should teach you how to behave all over
again.'

'I pace whenever I feel like it.'

JC pushed Ryan away but Ryan had a strong hold on his arms.

'You obey me.'

'Ryan, we are in a public place. There are people staring at us.'

Ryan glanced over his shoulder and released JC.

JC walked to the couch and sat down.

'I'm not getting on this plane before Lonnie gets here.'

He checked his watch again. They had started to board 10 minutes ago and it
wouldn't be long before a steward came to tell them that they could
board. Lonnie had to be here before than. JC had no plans to actually set
one foot on that plane.

'What major crisis did he have solve now?'

JC tried to ignore the snarling comments. His hands itched to strangle Ryan
in public.

'Justin cut himself shaving I think.'

Ryan sat down next to him and scooted close.

'You look good today.'

'Flattery won't get you very far.'

Ryan grabbed his shoulder.

'I don't like your witty comments.'

JC wanted to answer him but he finally saw Lonnie enter the VIP room. 3 men
dressed in long coats followed at a short distance.  Lonnie walked up to
the two men. He nodded at JC.

'Ryan, darling?'

JC said in a soft voice.

Ryan narrowed his eyes at the sudden change in JC's tone.

'What?'

'I've got a nice end of tour present for you. I hope that you like it.'

 JC rose of the couch and stood next to Lonnie. One of the men behind
Lonnie stepped forward and said:

'Ryan O'Clare you are here by under arrest for rape and abuse. Anything you
say can and

will be used against you in a court of law.'

 Ryan's jaw nearly fell to the ground.

'This is a mistake. I never...'

The man took a pair of handcuffs from his pockets and started to handcuff
Ryan.

'JC, tell them. Tell them that I never touched you.'

The pleading tone in Ryan's voice made JC doubt his actions for a single
second. Than the image of Justin lying on the bathroom floor shifted back
in his mind.

'Your game is over Ryan. You're not going to hurt anyone anymore.'

'That fucking kid came to me. I never forced him.'

JC shook his head.

'We have it all on tape.'

JC stepped a little closer.

'He begged you to stop. He was crying in pain.'

His nose nearly touched Ryan.

'He loved every minute of it.'

JC grabbed Ryan by his shirt.

'You better start praying that he makes it. Otherwise murder will be added
to your long list of violations of the law.'

One of the other detectives grabbed Ryan by his arm and the two men tried
to take Ryan out of the VIP room. But Ryan didn't want to go. He started to
kick and scream. JC managed to jump away before Ryan could kick him.

'You owe all of this to me. I helped you when no one wanted you. Your own
family kicked you out and still I took care of you.'

Ryan started screaming.

'My family does care. Where are all the letters my family has sent me
Ryan?'

JC managed to stay calm.

'No one cares about you. They all knew what was happening and not one of
them ever came to your rescue.  Never. They don't care.'

Ryan's words were opening old wounds inside JC. Lonnie placed a hand on the
young man's shoulder.  JC looked at the massive bodyguard. Lonnie simply
nodded.

'You are nothing hear me JC - nothing without me.  You are
worthless. Everything you are and have was because of me.'

The three detectives finally managed to drag Ryan out of sight. JC's knees
buckled and he fell on a chair. He covered his face with his hands.

'What if he was right Lonnie? What if I'm nothing without him?'

'Don't listen to him son. He is not worth the doubt.'

'But he was right. They all knew and none of them even bothered to help
me.'

Lonnie pulled away JC's hands.

'Listen to me son. There is a kid in the hospital because he tried to help
you. They all helped you in their own way but they were so scared that you
didn't want their help. Now move your ass and go to that hospital before
it's too late.'

JC was speechless and could do nothing but blink. Lonnie had never spoken
so many words to him. He got up and started to walk to the entrance. The PA
system called for all the remaining passengers for the flight to
Orlando. But two never showed.

Part 19

Three young men sat together on the uncomfortable seats in the private
waiting room. Two of them had their arms wrapped around the crying third.
His face was buried in his hands and his body shook with the violent sobs
that escaped him.

'I should have been there to protect him. I should have known that he was
up to something.'

'You couldn't have known Joey.'

Chris softly rubbed his back.

'Chris is right. We all had no idea what went on in Justin's mind.'

'I sort of knew that those injuries he had were self-inflicted. I knew
that.'

Hissed Joey through clenched teeth.

'I knew it and I didn't do anything about it.'

Lance covered the Italian's hands with his.

'We are all to blame. We all knew about JC and we didn't do anything about
it. Justin is to blame for not saying anything. We are to blame for not
taking the right action.'

Joey slowly lowered his hands.

'I just don't want him to die.'

His voice sounded so small and fragile that the other two almost started to
cry.

The door to the small waiting room opened and a doctor entered.

'Sorry to keep you waiting.'

The three men jumped to their feet and started to talk all at once.  The
doctor raised his hands.

'Please, one at the time.  Let me start by telling you how your friend is
doing.'

They stopped talking and stared at the doctor.

'Your friend doesn't have any life threatening injuries. However he has
suffered 3 heart attacks. One in the ambulance and 2 here in the ER.'

Joey started crying again.

'We did a rape kit on him and the evidence is on its way to the police,
like you requested.'

'Can we see him?'

The doctor looked at the short brunette.

'I think that the best thing you can do is calling his family. His vital
signs are dangerously low. We don't think that he will make it through the
night.'

Suddenly a hand was wrapped around his throat and his back slammed into the
door.  The doctor looked at the man holding him.

'I don't care what you have to do but if that man dies I'll be suing you
with malpractice.'

The doctor curled his fingers around the hand that was choking him.

'It's not up to us anymore. We have giving him all the medication that he
needs. He is the one that has given up. His body is non-responsive to every
treatment.'

'Given up?'

The green eyes that had stared at him suddenly changed. Hate and anger
disappeared and pain and tears came.

'It seems to me that me that he has given up all will to live.'

Lance lowered his hand.

 'Sorry.'

His apology was barely audible.  The doctor shrugged. He was used to strong
reactions.

'You can see him for a few minutes.  We've placed him in the ICU unit. Room
7.'

They were prepared for the worst and still it was a shock to see their
youngest member lying motionless in a hospital bed. He suddenly seemed so
small. Machines were attached to almost each part of his body. They beeped
and puffed, filling the room with mechanical noises.

Lance sat down on the left side of the bed.  He took Justin's hand and
rubbed it with his thumb.

'He feels cold.'

Chris took the other hand.

'He hates being cold.'

Joey stared at the machine that monitored Justin's heartbeat.  It showed an
increase in his heart beat.

'Talk a bit more. He might hear us.'

'You have to get better Just. We have a holiday. We were supposed to go to
the beach and relax.'

Lance's voice drifted.

'We planned to play that new game, remember?'

Chris had no idea what to say to Justin.

'Can I try something lads?'

Lance and Chris turned to Joey.

'Try what?' They said in unison.

'Justin's heart started beating faster when you were talking. I just want
to see if he really can hear us. '

Lance nodded.

'Go ahead.'

Joey took Lance's place at the bed.

'Hey man. You scared us this morning.  It's Lance, Chris and me here. JC
had somewhere else to be.'

Joey took a deep breath.

'He went home with Ryan.'

A second later Justin's heart rate dropped.

Part 20

'Don't.' Lonnie stared at the brunette sitting across from him in the car.

'Don't place the guilt on yourself.'

JC turned his face away from the window to stare at the man who had become
his best friend over the years. The person he saw as his family, who played
nurse and sang him to sleep when needed.

'How can I not blame my self? If only I had told everyone what I was
planning. If only I had...'

'If only you had never met Ryan.' Lonnie interrupted him.  'Life is full of
what ifs. No one knew what he had planned. No one could see inside his
head.'

JC sank deeper in the seat as his thoughts wandered off again. He was the
only person to blame because he should have known that Justin would do
something drastically.  He should have pleaded Justin to come along. It had
been the last night of the tour; he should have been there in that club,
dancing the night away.

Lonnie softly touched his arm and JC was jerked away from his depressing
thoughts.

'We are at the hospital.'

JC came out of the car and noticed that they were parked in the ambulance
bay. He raised one eyebrow and gave Lonnie a questioning look.

'Word got out. The press is blocking the main entrance.'

Lonnie placed a hand on JC's back and led him through the halls to the
elevator. JC held his head down and glanced at the shoes of the people they
were passing.  They didn't have to wait for an elevator going up to the ICU
and JC started to get nervous.

'What if we are too late?'

Lonnie barely heard the young man speak and bent closer to hear the faint
whispers.

'What if he is dead? I didn't say goodbye.'

JC raised his head and looked at Lonnie with big, pain and tear filled
eyes.

'What if we are too late?'

Lonnie wrapped an arm around the shivering brunette and prayed that they
were indeed on time.

The short walk from the elevator to the reception of the ICU seemed like
miles for JC. The horrible smell of the hospital started to penetrate his
nose and he wanted to gag. He heard machines beep and people spoke
softly. He glanced around and saw his three friends sitting in a waiting
room. Joey stood by the window, tears were streaming down his face and his
shoulders shook. Lance and Chris sat together, holding each other as if
they were each other's lifelines. A cold and bitter feeling took hold of JC
and he tried to swallow the bile rising in his throat. Slowly he shook his
head. This wasn't happening.

'No.' He softly said. He wanted to look away from his mourning friends but
his body seemed paralyzed.  His knees gave away and if it hadn't been for
Lonnie JC would have crashed on the floor. Lonnie wrapped his arms tighter
around JC and guided him to the waiting room. JC struggled hard. He didn't
want to hear that Justin had died. He didn't want to feel the pain and
mostly the blame from the others. He wanted to get away, to be alone with
his grief, to kill him self for the death of the person that had showed him
so many things but he never got to tell him.

Lonnie managed to get the struggling JC in a seat where Lance and Chris
instantly wrapped their arms around him, yet again keeping him firmly in
place.

'How is he?' Joey's voice filled the room.

'Blaming himself. How's the kid?'

JC raised his head to see Joey's face when he answered Lonnie's question.

'We called Lynn. We already said goodbye. JC can go in soon. He's not...'
Joey burst into tears again.

JC managed to push Lance and Chris away. 'I want to see him now.'

Joey looked at him. 'I'm sorry JC. I didn't mean... All I wanted was...'

JC narrowed his eyes. 'You didn't mean to what?'

Lance placed a trembling hand on JC's arms. 'Justin can hear us talk. He
responded to us so Joey wanted to try something. But that resulted in
Justin having his fourth heart attack. They almost lost him.'

JC rubbed his face. 'I want to see him. Now if possible.'

Lance nodded and together they walked to the room where Justin was in. 'We
are in the waiting room if you need us.'

JC nodded and slowly pushed the handle down to enter the room. The nurses
had lowered the lights and JC shuffled close to the bed. He pulled the
chair towards him and sat down. He contemplated what to do for a second. He
wanted to shout at Justin for not telling him but than again he wanted to
take the young blonde in his arms and tell him that everything would be ok.

'Hey.' His voice sounded so loud in the room. Even the machines hooked to
Justin's body seemed to beep in a softer tone than his voice.

'It's me. JC.' JC swallowed back a few tears.

'The police have arrested Ryan. Chris made a tape of what happened with you
and Ryan. He still tried to deny it.'

JC laced his fingers with the cold fingers of Justin's hand.  He traced a
line on Justin's hand and carefully thought about his next words.

'Ryan was the only family I had. Later Lonnie became a part of that family
and than you. Now that Ryan is gone and I'm sitting here saying goodbye to
you... there's not much family left. Not much reason for me to stay here.'

JC bent closer to Justin and wiped a lock of hair from his forehead.

'Is it better on the other side Just? I always wondered.  I hope that you
won't be able to feel the pain or fear. I know that you must have been very
scared.'

JC pressed his lips against Justin's cheek.

'Go if you want to go, stay if you want to stay. Either way I'll be there
for you.'

JC stared at Justin's face in order trying to save it in his memory.  He
stared so intensely that he didn't see Justin's hand move a little bit nor
did he see the flutter of his eyes. JC felt the feather light touch on his
hand and moved his gaze from Justin's face to the entwined hands on the
bed. Justin's finger was clearly touching him, caressing the skin of his
hand.

'Come back to me Justin. Fight him and come back. We can both fight him
together. I need you here.'

JC pressed a kiss on Justin's hand.

'Just come back, please.'

Part 21

The atmosphere in the room was cold. Lance, Chris and Joey managed to sit
on a small couch and held each other tight. Their faces were tear stained
and occasionally a little sob was heard.  JC and Lynn stood next a
table. their noses almost touching, and JC narrowed his eyes.

'This is not what Justin would have wanted.' His voice echoed through the
small waiting room.

'Don't tell me what he would have wanted or not.' Anger radiated from Lynn
and she stepped even closer to JC.

'You have no idea. He has been with us for the past 5 years. He was raised
on the road. You only saw him on the spare days off.' JC trembled with
suppressed anger. His hands itched to strangle Lynn.

'I don't think that you are the best person to judge someone.' Lynn
said. 'Or are you, JC?'

JC closed his eyes for a few seconds to make sure that he wouldn't rip the
sarcastically smiling woman to pieces. 'I loved Ryan. I truly did. He was
all I had for a really long time.'

'He had a funny way of showing that he loved you.'

JC grabbed Lynn's arm. 'He loved me.' JC said through clenched teeth.  'He
always regretted what he did. I tried to warn Justin. I pushed him away
when he came to see me. I started to feel more for him but still, I never
gave in. I knew and still know what Ryan is capable of.'

JC released Lynn and walked to the window. 'I can show you the scars on my
back and legs. I can tell you in detail what he did to me. I'm nothing, a
pathetic loser that only made the band because I have a nice smile. No one
loves me but him. I believe him.'

'You should have told someone about what he was doing. I'm losing my little
boy here because you kept your mouth shut! My god, you are so stupid. What
made you think that he wouldn't hurt anyone but you.'

JC spun around and glared at Lynn. 'He promised me! I made him promise that
he would only hurt me.'

Lynn started laughing. 'And you believed a man that repeatedly beat you?'

JC raised his arms in despair. 'He has never laid a finger on them.'

Joey finally opened his mouth. 'JC is right. Ryan never hurt us.'

'Than why is my baby in the hospital dying?'

'Because I fell in love with the wrong person. I'm all to blame for
this. Go on Lynn, say it. Say that it's all my fault.' JC's voice broke.

'Well I'm glad that we agree on something. You are right JC. It's your
entire fault. Consider this the end of your band. I'm not letting you near
Justin again.'

'No.' Lance jumped up. 'Justin needs JC. We all need JC. You can't blame
him. We are all to blame.'

'Don't worry Lance.' JC placed a hand on his arm.  'It's not the first time
that I was blamed for loving someone with my heart.'

'And we regret every word.'

JC froze. His fingernails dug deep in Lance's arm when he heard the
voice. He turned his head and looked at the doorway. 'Momma?' JC's voice
sounded fragile.

The woman in the doorway nodded and approached her son. 'I was listed as
one of Justin's contact persons. Your father and I were away for the
weekend. I came as soon as I heard the news.'

Karen looked at her son with love and regret in her eyes.  'We are so sorry
for all the pain we caused. We came to our senses shortly after you left
but Ryan wouldn't allow us to contact you. I've written so many letters to
you but I had no address to send them to.'Karen reached out and wiped a
lock of hair from JC's forehead. 'I was so relieved when Justin contacted
us. We finally had a way to contact you. To beg you for your forgiveness.'

JC shivered. His mother's gentle touch released a flood of emotions. 'I
wanted to tell Justin. Joey knew. He helped me. I went to the police. I
told them what Ryan has done. They had to see my scars and all. I had to
get undressed in front of several people. They all stared at me. Ryan said
that he loves me and that he never meant to do it. He was sorry.' JC
babbled.

Karen pulled her son in a warm embrace. 'It's ok. You are not to
blame. Ryan is the only one who needs to take blame.'

'He sure is to blame. Joey knew? If only JC had opened his mouth than
Justin wouldn't be in here.'

Karen felt her son stiffen in her arms. 'Sweetie, can you please go to see
Justin? I have to talk to Lynn. We are going back to the hotel for a long
talk.'

JC raised his head and recognized the determined look in his mother's
eyes. He nodded and walked to the door.

'Jayce?' Lance's voice echoed through the now silent room. 'Tell him that
we love him ok?'

JC nodded and left the room.

'Right.' Karen turned back to Lynn. 'As soon as we leave this room you are
going to apologise to JC.' Lynn opened her mouth to protest but Karen gave
her a stern look.

'No one knows what JC went through. No one but JC himself. We can't judge
him for the decisions he has made in the past even if we may think that
those were wrong. JC was in love.'

Karen walked to Chris and handed him a tissue. The brunette gladly accepted
and wiped the tears that were freely flowing down his cheeks.

'Ron and I did go through a hell. We had lost our son due to several stupid
comments. We have tried so hard to get close to JC. We contacted the record
company, Johnny, the fan club. We tried everything. But Ryan managed to
keep us away for so long.'

Karen looked around the room and saw that everyone was staring at her
speechless. 'It's going to be hard for JC. He will always feel the guilt
that he is feeling right now. Don't push him away Lynn. Set aside the anger
that you are feeling at the moment. JC didn't know what Justin was thinking
or planning. He can't read minds, you know.'

Lynn blushed and lowered her head in what appeared to be shame.

'I can only imagine the strength he had to gather to admit that he was a
victim of abuse.  He also went to the police to file charges. Think about
that.'

Karen looked at Lynn. 'Blame Ryan if you want to blame someone. Blame that
bastard for the pain he put both our sons through.'

Lynn locked eyes with Karen. 'A part of me will always blame JC for not
speaking up before the incident. And I don't know what I will do if Justin
dies but I'll try.'

'Try to keep these five boys together. They need each other to heal. Don't
take Justin away from them.'

Karen softly clapped her hands. 'I'm stepping of my soapbox now. I'm taking
JC back to the hotel with me. Make sure that you get enough sleep.' That
last comment was for Joey, Lance and Chris. Although Karen had never met
them, it seemed that she had always been there. Karen smiled a neutral
smile and left the room.

-----------------------------------------------------

JC sat down next to Justin. The younger man had the blanket over his head
and didn't even move when JC entered the room.

'Hey.'

No movement came from the bed.

'I just had a talk with your mum. She is taking you to a private
clinic. She doesn't want me around.' JC sighed. 'I don't blame her. I mean,
I'm to blame for this all. Ryan has always told the truth when he said that
I was no good and stupid. I AM stupid. I AM no good.'

JC bent forward. 'Ryan can't punish me anymore but I'll find a way to pay
for what I've done. I have to.'

JC rose to his feet again. 'Your momma won't let me see you anymore so I
guess that this is goodbye for a while. You can make it through this
Justin. You have to. You can take him to court. God knows that I don't have
the strength to fight him anymore.'

JC squeezed the blankets where he thought Justin's arm was and left the
room. He didn't see a hand reaching out for him from under the blanket nor
did he hear a strangled sob.

Part 22

One day passed, and then another. Justin slowly recovered from his most
visible injuries. Nine long days passed. Nine days where JC never showed,
nine days where Justin turned his head to the door each time it
opened. Nine days where the hope that lingered in his eyes slowly died.

Justin only tolerated a few people in his room; a nurse, his mother and
Lance. Joey and Chris did visit him but Justin didn't speak or even
acknowledge that they were in the room. He hadn't spoken a word to anyone
since he regained consciousness, but he communicated with Lance in his own
sign language.

Joey and Chris had managed to convince Lynn to let Justin stay here among
friends. Everyone but Chris had moved to a different hotel in the woods
where they had all the privacy they needed. Chris stayed at the previous
hotel to fool the fans. Lance always drove from the new hotel to the old
one and than to the hospital to make people think that they were still
staying there. The press had received a written statement that Justin had
caught a mysterious virus and that he had be kept in quarantine until they
knew what virus he had.

But the day Justin was to be released had arrived, and Lance was packing
his bags. He started with all the stuffed teddies and letters Justin had
received from family and close friends. Than he packed Justin's clothes.

'Do you want to wear the blue sweater or the one you are wearing right
now?'

 Lance turned to the blonde. Justin sat at the foot of the bed, his body
covered in a pair of sweat pants and a sweater. Justin pulled the blanket a
bit closer around his body until his head was the only thing visible. Lance
raised one eyebrow indicating that he was still waiting for an answer.

Justin pointed at the blue sweater and shook his head. Lance sighed and
folded the sweater to tuck it away in the bag. A pair of jeans followed and
Lance zipped the bag close. 'Are you ready?'

Justin's eyes filled with fear. Lance walked to the bed and touched
Justin's shoulder.

'No one will see you. We are using the lift to get to the basement. The car
has no windows.'

Justin looked at Lance and the older man's heart broke. Justin looked so
fragile. They had to shave his head to stitch up a gash, and a feeding tube
ran from his nose, down his cheek, to behind his ear. Justin rubbed his
head and cocked his head.

Lance smiled. 'Yes, JC is at the hotel.'

Justin pulled the blanket away and moved to the edge of the bed. He held
out his hand and Lance helped him off the bed. Justin's face twisted in
pain when he sat down in the wheelchair, but he bit his lip. He hadn't
cried for days and he had no plans to start now.

Lance did a final check to make sure that nothing was left behind in the
room and than wheeled Justin out of the room.

A bodyguard waited outside the room to take them to the car. Lynn and the
others were waiting at the hotel.

-----------------------------------------------

Justin was very tired. Everyone had been seeing him. Everyone but
JC. Justin sighed. He sat up and moved his legs over the edge. He still
needed help to get up but no one was here at the moment. Lance was in the
bathroom getting everything ready to feed him and his mum was in her room
calling home. Justin had no idea where the others were.  Justin tried to
get off the bed but failed.

'Where are you going?' Lance had reappeared in the bedroom. Justin turned
and rubbed his head.

'You want to see JC?'

Justin nodded. Lance placed several items on the table.

'Let's have lunch first.'

Lance helped Justin to his feet and Justin shuffled to the table. He sat
down on the pillows that Lance had placed on the chair. He lifted his shirt
and Lance opened the feeding tube. He grabbed the syringe and slowly
emptied in the tube. Justin rubbed his tummy and grimaced.

'It was chocolate. Don't complain.' Lance smiled. He cleaned the tube and
took off his plastic gloves. Lance saw Justin look at the small bowl with
ice cream.

'The doctor said that you had to start eating again as soon as you left the
hospital. I thought that you'd like some ice cream.'

Justin shook his head and tried to get up. Lance gently grabbed his arm.

'Just one spoon Just, just one.' Lance held the spoon close to Justin's
mouth but the younger lad didn't open his mouth.

'Justin, please.'

Justin shook his head again.

'We'll visit JC.'

Justin's hand flew to Lance's and shoved the spoon in his mouth. He quickly
swallowed the ice cream trying not to gag at the same time. He kept
swallowing until the gagging stopped. Lance softly rubbed his back.

'Come on, let's visit the Spaz.'


Yes another cliff hanger...don't you just love me? Lol...plenty of feedback
will make me write faster!