Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 23:19:38 +0700 From: Tonny Subject: When U Say Nothing At All #15 Author notes: TA DAAAAAA! Chapter 15 hehehehe. Quick Thanks to Yuli [check 'Busta' guys and pleaseee wear a cup hehehe :)]; James [it's started over the cafe hehehe]; Keith [Please hold on tight, man!]; Gene [Check "All Grown Up" guys...it's getting better]; Nate [Guys, be prepare for Nsync in 365 days :)]; Angel [like Brandy's song, Angel of Mine hehehe]; Alain [have fun with your ICQ dude?]; Matt [Do I have to "Search and Rescue" :)]; Matt Blah [another Matt how ironic hehehe...manage a trois??? Hehehe]; Tom [Thanks for free Dutch lesson dude :)]and someone who want to be discreet [I respect that :)]. Plus everyone who still keep reading this story but too shy to send feedback to me [come on! I want to see some new friends in here]. Oh Yeah Not to forget,special Thanks to David - Nifty Archivist Send your feeback/comment to Tonny : aspire34@go.com Disclaimer This story is involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By continuing, you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of any celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely. The author takes no responsibility for anyone's actions based upon this work of fiction. ********************************************************************* WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL ********************************************************************* Previously on 'When you say nothing at all': When I came to Lee I whispered, "I received your letter mate. Thanks." He just nodded shyly. Out of nowhere, Kian hugged me goodbye. "Wow, Kian. Big boy, what's up?" I hugged him. "We'll miss you, Ton" he said as he broke the hug. "Don't worry, we'll meet again, right?" I cheered him up. Yet again, he gave me his best smile. "You bet!" he said, excited, and I just laughed at his remark. Finally all of them left the room, and I took them to elevator. 'Ok 9 gone, now 10 left' I smiled then I went back to the guestroom. I didn't know why but all of them, except Justin, were giving me hating looks. CHAPTER 15: THINGS JUST SEEM TO BE FALLING APART "What?" I looked at them as I took a seat next to Justin. "Is it just me, or did all of you see that blonde wink and flirt with Tony, too?" Brian spoke up. "Yeah I saw it, too. Did you see the hugging?" JC gave me a disgusted look. "Which blonde? There were a lot of blondes in this room." I said back as Justin just kept silent. "Geeez! KIAN, the guy from Westlife," AJ said sternly. "Oh Kian, yeah he's cute," I replied. Everybody was shocked by my remark. "What do you think Justin?" I looked at him. "Yeah he is," Justin replied softly with a smile. "WHAT? JUSTIN!" Lance raised his voice in shock. By now I could feel the tension in the air. "Justin? Don't you feel jealous or something here?" Howie looked at Justin. "Yeah, don't you feel jealous, Justin?" I repeated Howie's question. "No," he said as he shook his head. Now everybody got confused at the whole situation. "Yeah, see guys, he isn't jealous at all. Do you know why? Because he trusts me," I put my hand on Justin's shoulder. "He trusts me that I won't cheat on him. He believes in me, he understands that this is my job. He's not prejudice. Just because someone flirted with me doesn't mean I should like him." I was glad that Justin learned his lesson from the first time that we met in Singapore. I looked at the guys, and all of them looked down as they all felt ashamed after accusing me. "Justin loves me, and I love Justin," I said as Justin smiled at me; I saw Kevin giving his support with a look. "Ton, we are so sorry for..." Lance started. "Guys...ha ha ha it's cool. I know that you're just looking after your friend here," I kissed Justin's cheek, "You don't want to see him hurt right?" I asked and all of them nodded. "You are all good friends," all of them gave a sigh of relief. "SO what are we doing now?" I changed the subject. "I dunno, we just arrived," Joey replied. "By the way, where do you all plan to stay here?" I asked. "YOUR PLACE!" they all said at the same time, and I just laughed. "Guys, I don't want to be rude here but my apartment is so small. I only have one bedroom," I explained. "Well, we don't mind sleeping on the floor, Ton. Come on, we came here to visit you," Nick said. "What do you think Justin?" I winked at him, giving a sign. "I dunno, all of us in one room, it's KINKY," Justin smiled at me, and I tried to hold my laugh. "UUUUUUUHHHH...Kevin! Back up plan! Book the hotel" Howie ordered to Kevin. "Yeah, LANCE! Do your job! Find a hotel! Now!" Chris ordered Lance. Meanwhile, Justin and I just laughed. "Okay! Okay! Let me book a hotel for ya guys. Do you all want to share or go private?" I asked them as I checked the best hotel in the Yellow Pages. "Private!" they said in unison. "Okay, so 10 rooms it is," I wrote down on the piece of paper. "Wait! No! I'm staying with you," Justin protested "Well, we can share if ya want," I offered, "Anyway, I don't want to miss out on having fun with all of you guys." "In that case, make it nine rooms and one Honeymoon suite," Justin ordered. "Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu," I heard all of them teasing me. "Funny, Justin. 10 room that's final. Just wait in here, ok? I'm going to make arrangements for you." I left the room. Luckily, a good friend of mine ran Raffles Hotel. So I called him and asked about arrangements for the rooms. I asked him for some privacy because they were here for a holiday. After the accommodations had been set up for them, I called a rental car company. I asked for a mini-bus that could fit 11 people to be delivered in 30 minutes. With all that done, I now returned to the guestroom. "Okay guys. It's all done," I said as I took a seat next to Justin. "So how do we get there then?" Lance asked. "Don't worry, I rented a mini bus for you," I replied. "Guys, please make yourselves as discrete as possible. It's all up to you if you get mobbed by your fans." All of them nodded in agreement. "Ton, thanks for everything," Kevin said. "No worries, guys, it's the least I can do for you," I smiled at Kevin. "So what's new from you all?" "Well we finished the lyrics for 'Music of My Heart'," Chris answered. "Good! And from the Backstreet gang?" I joked. "Nothing much. We're just preparing for our US tour and a new video," Nick replied. "Thank GOD! I'm so tired of hearing 'I Want It That Way'. I heard that song everyday and everywhere, at least 10 times a day." I gave a sound of relief and all of them laughed. "Oh, yeah, we got nominated for the MTV Music Awards," Brian said proudly. "Aaah, yeah, I heard that. I'm so proud of all of you guys." I said. "BUT we have five nominations," AJ boasting. "Yeah, you guys got lucky because you just released your new album this year," Joey snapped back. "Geez, you're just jealous because you only have three," Nick replied quickly. "Well, let's see who gets the most nominations next year" Justin backed up his group. "Ha! We have five and you only have three. It means we are the best," Howie said proudly. I had seen Justin starting to look pissed by the argument. Now, he looked at me for support. "Well, I dunno guys. I wouldn't like to be nominated a lot. Can you imagine how embarrassing it is, to get plenty of nominations and not win even one of them?" I asked, and all the members of BSB became silent, realizing what I had just said. And the Nsync gang just giggled. "Well, never mind. Just see what happens, ok?" I cheered them up. "So are you going to the awards in September?" Kevin asked. "I don't know, guys, they usually send a VJ, not an assistant producer. But I'm not sure yet," I sighed, and Justin looked at me sadly. "So are we still Artist of the Month?" Nick asked. "Yeah, for another five days," I replied, "and we have Geri Halliwell 'ex Ginger Spice' as our Hot Seat Artist for this month." "So who will be next?" Lance questioned. "Oh, next month is gonna be Hot Hot Latino Month. We have Ricky Martin as MTV Artist of the Month and Jennifer Lopez as Hot Seat Artist. He is coming to Singapore in August," I said, excited. "Do you know what is good about Ricky's new video?" AJ asked. "The Chicks" AJ and I said in unison, and we both laughed. "Yeah did you see how she shakes her hips? It is so cool, it is so 'loca'" I joked and everyone laughed except Justin, who pinched my hand. "Oww that hurts," I said to Justin. I looked at Howie, who stopped laughing. "O yeah! Yo, D! I have something for you, wait!" I ran back to my office and returned in two minutes. "Here!" I gave something to Howie. "AAAA," Howie screamed, " I got her picture with her signature" "Who? Who?" AJ asked and tried to get the photo. "It's Jennifer Lopez guys. I promised Howie I'd get her autograph," I said, and he hugged me. "Thank you! Thank you!" Howie thanked me. "No problem, and she said that she wants to meet you sometime." "Really?" Howie's eyes got wider. "She said you are cute, too," I said. "I'm cute?" he asked me. "No, I made it up for that one," I laughed, followed by the others. "Ton, I want to apologize for what happened in the restaurant," Nick spoke up and all of them became serious. "I didn't mean..." Nick continued, and Justin looked down. "That's cool, guys. I'm fine," I smiled back at them and put my hand on Justin's to comfort him. "Justin told me already." "So do your parents know about you and Justin?" Brian asked out of nowhere. Justin and the guys from Nsync looked shocked at Brian's question. The others were just puzzled. Kevin already knew about my parents and me; I had told him while we were chatting a long time ago. After a couple of minutes, I softly replied "Yeah, they know about us. Guys, I have to check the van. Just wait in here, ok? I'll be back soon." I gave them my fake smile as I left the room. "Brian! What's up with you? All of a sudden you asked him about his parents," Justin was angry, as he knew that it was a sensitive issue for me. "Well I was just asking!" Brian snapped back. "Brian, he has a problem with his parents so this is a sensitive issue for him," JC explained. "And how should I know that?" Brian excused himself. "Well for starters...stop asking about his personal life," Chris backed up. "Guys...guys...ok that's enough. We came here to take a break, not to argue. I'm sure he doesn't want to see us fighting in here. Let's just have some fun. OK? He took care of us already and tried to make us have some fun. Just try to be good guests, everyone." Kevin wisely said, and everyone nodded. "I'd better go check on him," Justin stood up and left the room to go to my office. In my office, I cleaned up all of the paper work on my table. I tried to hold in my tears. I'd never even thought about my family lately. Brian's question reminded me of them, and how I missed them. "Tony, are you ok?" Justin asked, and I wiped my tears. "Yeah, I'm fine. The van is ready. Let's go," I smiled, and Justin sighed, as he knew what had made me sad. I drove the van to the hotel. Justin took shotgun. I parked the van on the backside of the hotel instead of the front. The plan was to use the backdoor instead of the front door. All of them had their own room, but Justin would share his room with me. It was pretty late, so we to have dinner at the restaurant downstairs instead of going somewhere. I made the reservation for a secluded area far away from the public area. I ordered some local foods and everyone seemed to like it, especially Kevin. He loves Asian foods. After having dinner, we chatted for awhile, until Justin decided he wanted some...entertainment. "Sing with me?" Justin asked, "There's a karaoke machine over there" Justin looked at me. "You sing?" Nick asked as the rest of BSB gang looked up, surprised. "You don't know," Chris said. "He used to be a singer," Joey added. "Guys!" I tried to stop them. "Singer?" AJ sounded even more surprised. "It was a long time ago," I replied. "He was our opening act for our Australian tour in Perth," JC said. "Wow! You didn't tell us about that," Howie looked at me. "My voice is horrible guys," I replied. "Bull! He had his own records," Lance giggled. "Really? Let me hear it" Kevin requested. "I dunno," I was unsure. "Come on, let's do a duet again like last time," Justin asked with his puppy looks. "WE WANT TONY! WE WANT TONY!" All of them screamed out loud. "Okay Okay! Stop it! I warn you guys...cover your ears," I joked as I stood up, and the others giggled. Justin followed me to the Karaoke set. This time, I was the one, who picked the song. [Tony:] Just an ordinary day Start it out the same old way Then I look into your eyes and Blue Today would be, a first for me The day I fall in love [Justin:] On the day I fall in love The sky would be a perfect new And I give my heart for evermore To someone who, is just like you The day I fall in love [Tony & Justin:] People all say, Love is wonderful That the built will ring, the birds will sing The skies will open I wonder where that we pick the symphony [Justin:] All of what they told me Would you stay with me [Tony & Justin:] And I never promise to be true, to anywhere [Tony:] unless it is you [Justin:] Unless it's you [Tony & Justin:] The day I fall in love [Tony & Justin:] People all say, Love is wonderful That the built will ring the birds will sing The skies will open I wonder where that we pick the symphony [Tony:] I'll be what they told me [Justin:] All of what they told me [Tony:] Come on please with me [Tony & Justin:] Just an ordinary day Started out the same old way Then I look into your eyes and Blue Today would be, a first for me The day I fall in love [Tony:] I know you'll be there {Tony & Justin:] The day I fall in love As the song ended, we heard hand clapping from the guys and whistles from some of them. Then we went back to our table. "Oh my God, you can sing!" Nick amazed. "That was wonderful! I don't think James Ingram and Dolly Parton sang that good," JC added. "Ah, come on," I was blushing while Justin kept smiling at me. "You have a good voice, Ton" Kevin praised me. "Thank you, but Justin is better," I said. "Naah, you are the best," Justin kissed me. "Awwwwwwwww" all of them teased us. Then we all went back to our rooms. I was glad that they actually enjoyed their time in Singapore. I had to squish my schedule for them. They were staying in Singapore for five days. I took them everywhere, as long as their fans didn't notice them. When we went shopping, we divided into groups of three so we would not look like a tourist group or something. MTV STUDIO-SINGAPORE 07:30 15/07/1999 It had been 2 weeks since the guys had left me. They were all back at work, mostly resuming their tours. When I arrived at the MTV Studios, I got a weird feeling. No one greeted me, which was unusual. Even Linda and Alex didn't say a word to me. I felt awkward, as if I was being isolated. At 10:00, Michael called me to his office. "Please have a seat," Michael smiled at me, and I took a seat. "Do you know about this?" Michael passed a magazine to me. I was shocked to see a picture of Justin and me in the gossip columns. It mentioned Justin's name but not mine. It wasn't a big article, but people could still read it. It said, 'Who is this guy with Justin from Nsync?' In the picture, I had my hand on Justin's waist. It had been taken in Orlando, for sure. "Luckily, they didn't know you. Especially what you do." Michael continued. "Ton, you've been working for MTV for nearly 4 months now, and I'm impressed with your work. You really do a good job here." Michael took a deep breath, "I really don't mind your sexual orientation, but from that picture, I know that there's something more between you and Justin than just friendship. The problem is that you bring the reputation of MTV with you and I, as your boss, can't take any risk in this company. So I've decided to give you 6 months off from your job. I'm so sorry, Ton," Michael finally said. I tried to hold my tears in. I didn't want to cry in front of him. "I understand Mike. You're just doing your job," I replied. I could tell Michael felt guilty for doing this to me. "Just see what happens after 6 months, ok?" Michael added. "Yeah" I sighed. "I better clean up my desk, then," I stood up. "Ton!" Michael called me, and I turned around. "Sorry". I nodded, and I left his office for mine. I picked up a large box and put some of my stuff into it. I cried as I cleaned up my desk. 'Why should this happen to me?' I asked myself. I wiped my tears, and I exited my rooms. I passed some of my staff and all of them saw me with a box in my hands. No one said a word to me. "Take care guys" I smiled, and I went to the elevator. When I got to the ground floor, I exited the building. I took one last look at the building, then called a cab to take me back home. SINGAPORE 20:25 08/08/1999 I kept what had happened to me a secret from Justin. He was still touring the states with the guys. I didn't want him to be concerned about me. For the past 7 weeks, I had tried to get a job. I kept browsing want ads in the newspaper. Unfortunately, I had no luck getting a job, even part time. My savings were getting smaller and smaller. My rent increased. So, to survive living in the city, I had to sell some of my stuff, including all of my CD collection. I used the money to pay some of the bills. Now, I still had $1200 in my bank account. I kept browsing the newspaper until I head a knocking on my door, and when I opened it... "Justin!" I yelled, surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?" Justin pushed himself inside and closed the door. "What are you talking about?" I played dumb. "Hey! Where's your TV, stereo, CD's, and your furniture?" Justin looked around the room. "You sold it?" he looked at me where I was still standing near the door. I looked down. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Justin raised his voice. The tears fell from my eyes. Seeing this, Justin came to me and hugged me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, Ton. I'm just concerned about you." He said as I cried on his shoulder. "How did you know?" I looked at him. "I called your office, and someone said that you don't work there anymore," Justin explained. "Please tell me what happened?" We both sat on the carpet, as I didn't have a sofa anymore. I started the story about the gossip columns in the magazine and the conversation with Michael. "He can't do that to you, Ton" Justin was angry. "Yes, he can. He's my boss," I sighed. "He just exaggerated. I didn't even hear about this cheap gossip thing in the US. I can't believe that someone actually took our pictures," Justin was pissed off. "But, why didn't you tell me, Ton?" "Justin, you've been on tour for the past two months. I didn't want to concern you with this." "I don't care. I thought we would be honest with each other, but now you hide all of this." "I'm sorry," I said, full of shame. "Don't worry. So, what is your plan now?" "I've tried to find a job for the past 2 months with no luck. That's why I sold some of my stuff." "SOME? You sold most of your stuff." "Justin, I need to pay some bills, and the rent also increased. And I don't have much left in my savings." "How much?" "Around $1,200." "WHAT? What will happen after the next two months, Ton? Huh?" Justin said in surprise. "I dunno...I really don't know," I sighed. "Please come with me." Justin looked at me. "I can't," I replied. "Why?" "What about the rumors? If I go with you, it'll show them that the gossip was true," I explained. "I don't even CARE. I can handle it. I'd rather deal with the rumors than see you live on the street like a homeless person." "I don't want people think that I'm using you, Justin." "You've never used me, Ton. I love you. Is it wrong to help a person that I really, really LOVE?" Justin asked as tears began to fall from his eyes. "But what will I do in the states?" "You'll get a job in the US. Trust me. I'll help you. Please just this once, Ton. I've never asked something big. Just this once, please COME with me. PLEASE!" Justin insisted. I took 5 minutes or so to think about his offer. Finally, I nodded. "Thank you!" Justin gasped as he hugged me. "I don't know what I would do without you, Justin," I cried again. "Shhhh. I promise I'll take care of you for the rest of my life. I love you. I don't even know what I would do without you," Justin replied. "I love you, too," I whispered. We both slept on the floor since I didn't even have my bed anymore. Justin held me all night. Even when I stirred a bit, he just hugged me tighter. It almost seemed like he didn't want to let go of me for fear he would loose me. The next day, Justin booked a flight for us to Florida. He even paid for my ticket. I didn't have to do a lot of packing since I didn't have anything anymore. The only thing I had was some clothes. So I decided to bring a medium sized travel bag. Two days later, we left Singapore. I cried as the plane took off from the island. Justin just tried his best to comfort me. ORLANDO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - FLORIDA When we arrived, Chris, JC, Joey, and Lance were there. I couldn't even look at them. I felt so ashamed. Justin stood beside me, holding my left hand as we walked towards them. "Hi, Ton," JC called me. I didn't reply. "We heard about everything. We are so sorry, Ton," Lance said softly. I looked at all of them and gave them a smile. "Are you Ok?" Chris asked as he took my bag from my hand. "Yeah, I'm sorry to make all of you guys worry about me," I replied. "Don't be! We are all your friends. I don't care who you are or what you do. You are still our friend, Ton" Joey spoke up. "Thank you, guys" I said as I held tears in my eyes. "Ok, let's go home before someone recognizes us" Justin said as he pulled me closer to him. After a one-hour drive, we finally arrived at Justin's home. I was even more uncomfortable to meet Justin's mom. As we all stepped in, Jonathan came running towards me. "Tony!!!" "Hi, Jonathan!" I knelt down and hugged him. "You come again," he was so excited. "What are you doing here?" I was stunned as the kid asked me that question. I didn't know what to tell him. "He's going to stay with us, Jon" Justin answered as he tried to help me out. "Yippeeeee! Now we can play everyday!" Jonathan said happily, and we all laughed. "Why don't you play in your room? Tony is still tired," Justin said to his brother, who nodded. He ran upstairs to his room. "Hi, Ton" someone called me, and the voice was so recognizable. "Hi, Lynn, I...I..." I wanted to say something but I really didn't know what to say. "Hey, you don't have to say anything...I know what happened," Lynn smiled, "I'm glad you came here because we are family now." Justin and the guys looked happy to hear this, but I was confused inside. She had asked me to leave her son before, and now she was happy I'd become part of her family. "Thank You" I smiled back at her. "I prepared your room already. It is the same as before," she politely said, and I thanked her again. "Oh, Justin! Jimmy will be coming today. He's coming for a holiday and to visit you." "Really? Oh, I've missed him. It's been awhile," Justin was excited, and I pretended not to hear the conversation. "Ok, guys, I've gotta go. Please don't mess up the house," Lynn said jokingly. "Welcome back," Lynn hugged me, and I returned her hug. Then she broke the hug and left us. "Guys, if you don't mind I want to take a nap. I haven't had enough sleep for the past few days," I said to them. "Okay! We'll just hang around in here for awhile," Lance spoke up. "I'll take you to your room," Justin grabbed my bag and both of us headed to my room. When we entered my room, I noticed that it was still the same way as I left it. I sat on the bed as Justin put my bag in the closet. "Ton, Jimmy is my long time friend, we've been good friends since we were kids," Justin started the conversation. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked, confused. "I know you, Ton. And I just wanted to clear it up for you." "I trust you, Just." "I know. Well, I'll let you rest then. Call me if you need anything, Ok?" Justin leaned forward and kissed me. "Thank you," I said as Justin left me. I sighed as I saw my whole room. I stood up and opened the closet to change my clothes. I unzipped my bag and took out some more comfortable clothes. I pulled out my wallet and saw that I had few hundred dollars left. I put my wallet back in my bag. I lay back on the bed, thinking about what would happen next. The next thing I knew, I woke up in confusion. I realized after a minute or so that it wasn't my apartment. I was in Orlando, in Justin's house. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was 16:30. I had slept more than 4 hours already. I decided to go to the bathroom and wash my face with cold water. As I exited the bathroom, I heard laughing from downstairs, so I went down to check it out. I saw Chris, JC, Justin and one guy that I'd never met before. He looked the same age as Justin and had the same figure as Joey, except for the hair. He had short blonde hair. Justin saw me walking down the stairs. "Tony! Come here!" Justin called me. "Ton, this is Jimmy." "Hi, I'm Tony," I shook his hand as I took a seat. "Hi, Justin just kept talking about you," Jimmy smiled at me. "Hopefully, it's all good," I replied, then Justin stood up and sat next to me instead of Jimmy. "Of course," Justin squeezed my hands. "Jim, he is my boyfriend," Justin said as he kissed me on the cheek. I could see Jimmy was a little bit surprised at Justin's statement. "Awww, guys, get a room!" Chris mocked us. All of us laughed except Jimmy, who gave me an evil stare. "So you don't have place to live, hey! Where're your parents, anyway? Don't they care about you?" Jimmy shot me with his question. I froze. "JIMMY!" Justin shouted angrily at him as Chris and JC gave him unpleasant looks. "That's all right, Just," I said to Justin as I looked at Jimmy. "Yeah, they kicked me out of the family." I looked down. Justin stood up and walked to Jimmy, grabbing his shirt. "Listen to me! He stays with me from now on, and if you have problem with that, you'd better start looking for a hotel now!" Justin said sternly. "Justin," I called him to let Jimmy go. "Whoa...chill out man!" Jimmy pushed Justin lightly to loosen his grip. "I'm just asking man!" Jimmy was pissed off. "Sorry, Ton," Jimmy apologized. "That's cool," I replied, and Justin cooled down a bit. "I'm sorry, too, Jimbo" Justin said to him, and Jimmy just nodded. "MMM. Guys, I'm hungry," JC spoke up to change the subject. "Ok. Why don't we go out for dinner?" Justin suggested. "Great!" Chris said, excited, "Let me change first." "Yeah, me too," Justin said. Then we all were heading to our rooms to change clothes. Justin, JC, and Chris walked ahead, while Jimmy and I followed behind them. Before I stepped into my room, Jimmy grabbed my shirt... "He's mine" Jimmy whispered in my ear then he left to go to his room. TBC Okay that's it for this chapter. Oh yeah I keep using a lot of song in my story, and I didn't put a reference for it. I'll mention all the song that I used in this story at the end of this story. And please read the lyrics, guys! Song can describe another 10,000 words into my story. Comment/feedback/ideas are warmly welcome >> Tonny aspire34@go.com THANKS FOR READING :)