"I Just Know When You Put Your Hands On Me, I Feel Sexy...And My Body Turns To Gold."
"I Just Know When You Put Your Hands On Me, I Feel Ready...And I Lose My Self Control."
"When You Put Your Hands On Me...Oh Oh Oh" -- Christina Aguilera
by JT Poole
Today we are having a press conference to announce the new album `Never Gone'. We're sitting here at the table, looking out among the crowd of reporters and other people of the media and music industry in the room. We have all kinds of people around waiting to ask us questions about our lives and this album. When will this all end? I'm slowly being tortured and no one knows that but me. Brian is sitting next to me on my left and Howie is sitting to my right. Kevin heads up one end of the table and AJ heads up the other.
Donovan, one of our new press agents walked into the room and then walked over to the podium. Looking over at us to make sure that we were ready to get this thing going, he started the press conference. For a few minutes he goes on and on about what each of us had been doing since we went on our little hiatus and now he's talking about what plans we have and what Jive thinks they want to do with us and this album. Getting bored with all the damn talking, I roll my eyes and look over to Brian to see that he's spacing out just like I am. Smiling to myself, he turns to me quickly, catching me looking at him.
Oh God, he saw me staring at him. Oh God, does he suspect anything? Does he think I want him? I wonder what's running through his mind right now. If he knew about me, would he love me like I love him? Would he want me? Would he hate me like I know everyone else will when they find out about my secret? What will he do?
"Nick you okay?" Brian leaned over and whispered to me. "You look like someone has run over your cat or something. You okay?"
"I-I'm fine Brian. Just a little bit distracted with things on my mind," I tell him as Jonathon, another one of our press people, clears his throat to get all of our attentions.
"I present to you the Backstreet Boys," Donovan says as the room erupts into applause. "The guys will take questions from anyone in attendance now."
"Nicky are you sure you're okay? You been quiet for a while now," AJ says, walking over to Nick and sitting next to him. "Was this all a little bit too much for you to take in?"
"No Alex, I'm just...just distracted a little bit. I have some things on my mind that I have to deal with," Nick says, running his fingers through his hair and then shaking his head. "I'll be okay, honest."
"Are you sure man?" AJ asks, draping his arm over Nick's shoulder. "You know I'm here for you if you need to talk."
"I said I'll be fine!" Nick shouts, getting up and turning away from AJ as his tears started to fall again like before they finished the press conference. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell like that."
"It's okay Nicky, I just wish you'd tell me what's got you so distracted," AJ says, looking at Nick as he stood up and walked over to his friend. "Does this have anything to do with that bitch you've been dating, what's her face, Paris?"
"Just drop it okay Alex, I don't want to talk about anything right now. I'm going to my room," Nick says, hugging AJ and walking out of the room quickly, leaving AJ standing next to the window looking funny.
"What in the world was that all about? That kid gets stranger every time I see him," AJ says, walking over to the bed, sitting down and taking off his shoes. "I'll just take a nap for a bit and get up later on and check on him then."
"Damn it Leigh, what do you expect? We're going back on tour, of course I'll be around him," Brian says, talking on the phone with his wife Leighanne Wallace-Littrell.
"I don't want you around him Brian. You married me and I will not have you cheating on me with that...that man!" Leighanne shout as Brian holds the phone away from his ear.
"Leigh just please stop, this is madness. How is it cheating? Nick's my best friend. I haven't seen him in a long time. How is it going to look when he comes around looking to hang out and I refuse because of you?" Brian asks her.
"I don't want you around him damnit!" Leighanne shout again. "I know you still have romantic and sexual feelings for him Brian. I've heard you call his name in your sleep, I've seen you masturbating to his pictures when you thought I wasn't around! I have plenty of reasons to not want you around him damnit! If I have to, we as in your son Baylee and I will go on this damn tours with you!"
"Do whatever you want Leigh. I'm not going to stop being his friend because you feel so damn insecure. Nick's my best friend in the whole wide world. I'm going to hang out with him whether you like it or not," Brian says, fearing what Leighanne would say next.
"Over his dead body you will!" Leighanne shout. "You won't be hanging out with him! I won't allow you to have the opportunity to cheat on me, especially with him!"
"Leigh how's it cheating on you for me just hanging out and having fun with my best friend?" Brian asks her. "You make it sound like I'm going to try and seduce him or something. That's not going to happen Leigh, Nick's straight, he doesn't like men."
"It's not what he likes damnit! It's what you like! Nick is the only man that I know you would leave me for. I won't have it Brian, I won't!" Leighanne shouts as the sound of a baby crying could be heard.
"You've gone and woke him up Leigh. You need to stop shouting, and look at things logically," Brian says, thinking over what Leighanne just said. "You need to calm down. You know I love you and only you."
"Brian don't you dare patronize me. I know you! I know that if Nick would give you a fucking chance, you'd take it!" Leighanne shouts again.
"Nick loves women Leigh. You have nothing to worry about with the two of us, we're only friends, that's all!" Brian shouts this time, holding his head from the stress his wife was creating.
Why can't he love me? I love him, I've always loved him. This is my own fucking fault. I should've just told him how I felt about him a long time ago. It's only a few simple words...
"Brian I love you, I've always loved you," I say, crying again. "Why can't anything good ever happen for me?"
"Nick! Nick open this damn door!" AJ shouts, banging on the room door.
"Go away AJ, I'm not in the mood," I say, rolling over in bed.
"I'm not leaving Nick, not until I see you bud," he says, still beating on the door.
"No! Just go away damnit! I'm not in the mood. I'm not opening the door!" I shout, hoping he would get the hint and just leave me alone.
"Fine, I'll just have someone from the hotel staff or security open the door. Have it your way Nick, you can open the door for me now, or let someone else open it," he says, still beating on the door, louder now.
"Just fucking great!" I shout, getting up out of bed and walking over to the door and swinging it open. "Fucking satisfied now! You fucking jerk! Right now I hate you!"
"You can hate me if you want Nick, but I know something's wrong with you. I've been listening to you cry and talk to yourself for the last hour. Let me help you." He tells me, walking closer behind me.
"Stay away from me Alex, I don't want to be bothered right now! That means you and anyone else you choose to send down here to bother me! Why don't you just go back to your own room and leave me the fuck alone damn it!" I shout at him as I turn around, allowing him to see my tear streaked face. "Just leave me alone Alex!"
"Fine bud, I'll leave you alone for right now, but I will come back to check on you. This isn't over," he says walking out of the room and closing the door.
"God why do I have to be the one that wants and wants? Why can't I get what I want?" I say, falling to my knees crying again.
It's been three days...three days now and I still haven't heard from him. I just know he's out with Nick and he's forgotten all about me and Baylee. Why didn't I just go to Orlando with him and the others? Why did I let him trick me into believing nothing would happen? I know something's happening. He's with Nick right now and they are together, probably fucking like rabbits right now. I can't take it, I can't put up with knowing that he's with Nick and they are together. I have to stop this and now.
Since being here, I've been unable to stop thinking about him. Maybe it was a mistake for me to agree to get back together with these guys. Nick's right down the hall from me and all I can do is toss and turn in bed and think about wanting to be with him. It seems I can't eat, I can't sleep. I need...I need to do something...something about this...something about him. I can't continue living like this. I need to make a choice and I need to make it now. Who do I choose? Do I choose Leighanne and my son or do I choose Nick, a man that could reject me and crush all my hopes and dreams. Please God, give me some answers here. I know I wasn't raised to love men, but I really love Nick with all of my being. I tried to make things right, I tried to lie with a woman like the Good Book says, but I just can't continue lying to myself. I love him, not Leigh.
"What am I going to do now? I can't handle this any more," I say as there's a knock at the door. "Just go away, I'm not in the mood right now!"
"Brian open the door man, we need to talk to you," Kevin says, knocking on the door again.
"We who Kev? Didn't I just tell you I wasn't in the mood? Go away man, I don't want to be bothered right now," I say, lying back down on the bed. "When I need or want to talk to you about my stress, I'll come find you."
"Brian man, come on, this is important, it's about Nick. We think there's something wrong with him. Can you just come to the door for a minute?" Kevin asks as my heart almost stopped and I stare at the back door.
Oh my God, there's something wrong with my Nick. What could possibly be wrong with him? Is this some joke Kevin is using to get me to open the door or is he legit? Oh God, what do I do? If I turn my back and not answer the door and something is really wrong, I'll never forgive myself...
"Kevin what's wrong with Nicky? What's going on?" I ask, letting Kevin and Howie into the room.
"We don't really know yet Brian. Nick's been acting strange all week since we got here. Alex had a confrontation with him and noticed that there was something wrong with him. Alex had gone to check on him plenty of times and each time, Nick looked worse than before," Kevin tells me.
"I went to check on him too and he was acting all strange. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was having a breakdown or something," Howie says this time, sparking my attention.
"A breakdown? Why would Nicky be having a breakdown?" I ask, not really knowing what could be causing him to be unstable or whatever.
"Well we don't know if it's a breakdown, but since Alex's room is right next to his, Alex says that all he could hear Nick doing is crying and talking to himself about you. Did you do something to upset Nick?" Kevin asks, looking at me closely as I stepped back from him.
"No! I haven't done anything to him. I've barely said two words to him since we've been here Kev," I say, turning away from him as I'm sure he's staring at me and wondering what has me on edge like I am. "Nick shouldn't be upset about anything I did. I haven't done or said anything to him."
"Well something upset him very badly Brian. I just don't know what to think about all of this right now. When Nick is concerned, he's not the same Nick we knew when we started out. He's been through a lot since then. Maybe you..." Kevin starts but I interrupt him.
"I didn't do anything to him Kev. I haven't even said anything to him since the Press Conference the other day. All I did then was ask him was he okay and that was it! I haven't done anything to him!" I shout as Kevin and Howie steps back from me.
"Brian calm down," Howie says, reaching out to touch me but I stop him.
"I don't know what it is then. I've been going on what Alex thinks he heard from Nick's room. I could be wrong, hell this might be nothing at all. Since I wasn't there, I didn't hear it, I can't make any conclusions about what's really going on," Kevin tells me, looking over to Howie.
"I don't know what's wrong with him. What you expect me to do about this?" I ask, wondering what they were standing here bothering me about this matter for. I'm not the best person to be handling this right now.
"Could you like go talk to him, maybe see what's going on. You two are close Brian," Kevin says as I look up at him while he looks down at the floor.
"If I'm the only one, I don't mind, but it's been a while since we've hung out and talked. He might not want to talk to me either," I say, looking down to the floor myself, not wanting to go talk to Nick in my confused state.
"Maybe it would help," Howie says, looking over to Kevin as the two of them turned around and walked to the door. "If you need the two of us, come get us. We don't need anything else happening."
"Okay guys, I guess I'm going to see what's wrong with him," I say walking out of the room.
Why is he doing this to me? Why am I sitting here wondering what he's doing? I guess this is God's way of punishing me for all the stuff I've done. I know I didn't deserve to marry Brian, but I love him. I guess him not being around to answer my calls and the such is just my nerves running rampant with my emotions.
I think I'm being punished for tricking him into marrying me the way I did. I know he didn't love me like I loved him. I should have just moved on like everyone told me too. Now I'm stuck in a one-sided relationship.
"How do I fix this? How do I mike this right?" I say aloud, walking through the house with Baylee hand-to-hand
What can I do to possibly make all of this right? He doesn't love me, he still loves Nick. Does Nick love him? Does Nick even know about his feelings?
"Come on God, give me a sign here," I say aloud, as Baylee pulls away from me and runs to the living room to sit on the couch to watch `Barney and Friends'
TO BE CONTINUED...
STORY WARNINGS & DISCLAIMER:
I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.