"I Just Know When You Put Your Hands
On Me, I Feel Sexy...And My Body Turns To Gold."
"I Just Know When You Put Your Hands On Me, I Feel Ready...And I Lose My Self Control."
"When You Put Your Hands On Me...Oh Oh Oh" -- Christina Aguilera
by JT Poole
I’ve been sitting here for the last few hours minding my business and it seems every time I turn around, someone wants to come by and bother me. I don’t know why they can’t just leave me alone. I keep telling them over and over that I don’t want to be bothered. I thought they would have gotten the picture, but I guess I have to resort to other methods as someone knocks on the door again. I bet its Alex again. I told him less than an hour ago that if he came back I was going to kick his ass, I guess I have carry out my threat.
Opening the door and grabbing for the person, I stopped when Brian looked at me strangely and stepped back away from my grabbing hand. Pulling my hand back quickly, I looked down at the floor, wondering what it was he wanted. Sighing, I look back up at the beautiful man I love and just stare at him as my heart starts to break all over again.
“Nick are you alright? What’s going on with you?” He asks me as I turn away from him as he grabs my hand to pull me back around as that slight connection got my heart beating faster.
“I’m fine Brian, there’s nothing going on with me,” I tell him, taking my hand away from him as his expression changed to a sad one. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here because the others are worried about you Nick,” he says as he looked up at me and then turned back around.
“That’s all you’re here for?” I ask him as he opens his mouth to say something but then stops. “Figures.”
“What does that supposed to mean Nick?” He asks me as he steps closer to me.
“Nothing Brian, it means nothing. Why don’t you just go back to wherever it was you came from and just leave me alone,” I tell him, walking around him to the door and holding it open as he looks at me and then drops his head down.
“Okay Nick, I’ll go,” he says, walking to the door and then stopping. “I wish you’d at least talk to me. What happened to that Nick? We use to talk about everything…”
“The operative word there being ‘we use’ to. When you got married to Leighanne all that changed Brian,” I tell him as I look away from him, knowing I shouldn’t have said what I just said. “I don’t even know why you’re even here. You don’t even care, so just go away.”
“Nick that’s not true, I do care,” he tells me as he steps closer to me.
“If you cared…oh what the fuck ever,” I tell him, waiting for him to leave. “Just leave, it doesn’t really matter anymore.”
“It does to matter Nick. I care about you and you know it. I’m sorry I wasn’t around, but life kind of got in the way. Between Leigh and Baylee, all of my time was split between the two of them,” he tells me, trying to make excuses for why he hadn’t talked to me not once during the hiatus.
“Brian save it for someone else,” I tell him, hating myself for speaking to him that way. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Nick I…okay then, I guess I’ll just go,” he says as he looks up at me, staring deep into my eyes for that moment.
For a second there, I could have sworn I saw something familiar in his eyes. I must be going crazy to believe that I would see what I thought I saw. I must be loosing it. I would never see those feelings in his eyes. He’s married to Leighanne Fucking Wallace for God’s sake. He wouldn’t have those kinds of feelings for me. It’s all just wishful thinking on my part.
Things will totally be better off when I go ahead and end this. The longer I’m here, the more I hurt. The sooner I end things, the better off things will be. Once I’m dead, I won’t hurt ever again. I just need to act quickly before the guys get more nosey than they are now. I think I have everything I’ll need. I’ll just wait for things to settle down after dinner and then I’ll get things on the way.
Here I am and I don’t even know who to call now that Brian still isn’t answering his phone. I don’t want to get the other guys involved in what’s going on, but I don’t want to allow what’s going on to continue either. Why is he doing this to me? I love him damnit, I don’t deserve this kind of treatment from him. I know I’ve been a bitch to him throughout the years, but I’m still his wife til death do us part. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll honor those vows.
“Hi Patrick, yeah it’s me Leighanne. I’m here in Orlando at the airport and I can’t seem to reach Brian. Is there a way you can come out and pick me up?” I ask Patrick, the guard that’s associated more with Baylee and me when we’re around the guys.
“Sure Mrs. Littrell, I’ll have a car come and pick you up,” Patrick says as I shake my head.
“No Patrick, I would rather you come pick the two of us. I trust you more than the others,” I tell him, hoping he would buy that line.
“Ah well, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he tells me as I told him where I was and any other information he needed.
Now all I need to do is just sit tight and wait for Patrick to get here. Once I’m with Brian, I can keep an eye on him and also keep him focused on me and his son. Once he has the two of us around all the time, he’ll have no choice but to think of his wife and child.
I just don’t know what to do about all of this crap. This is getting out of hand and I wish both Nick and Brian would just kiss and fuck and get it the fuck over with. When Alex told me what he had heard, I knew it was about how Nick feels about Brian. I don’t know why they haven’t figured this crap out. They are really close best friends or they use to be. Either they talk to each other or I’m going to talk for them.
“Kevin baby, are you all right?” Howie asks me as he moved around in bed and wrapped his arms around me. “You’ve been a little out of it since we left Brian’s room. What’s wrong baby?”
“Nothing’s wrong baby,” I tell him, not wanting to get into any secrets about what’s going on.
“Apparently something is going on Kev,” he says, sliding up in the bed and crossing his arms. “I know you know something and you’re not telling it. What is it Kevin?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about baby,” I tell him as he sighs and gets out of bed. “D.”
“Don’t D me,” he tells me as he walks over to the window and pulls on his robe. “We’ve been together for the last five years and I thought we vowed not to keep secrets from each other.”
“I’m not keeping a secret on purpose baby,” I tell him, not really knowing what to do now.
“Yes you are Kev, you know something and I’m standing here in the damn dark about things. Does your secret have something to do with the way Brian and Nick are acting?” He asks me as I shake my head no, lying to him. “Then what is it then?”
“Baby please…please just drop this,” I tell him as he just goes into the bathroom.
This is going really great. I’m trying to keep my cousin and friend sane and my relationship is about to go to hell. This needs to end and now.
We’re here now and I don’t know what I’m going to do about the situation at hand. I told Brian that if I had to, I would come on this tour with him. So here I am and I don’t know what my next move is going to be. What’s going to happen to us now that I’m here? Will me being here cause a greater problem between the two of us or what? I guess I’ll find that out as soon as he comes back from wherever it is that he is.
We’ve been here now for over two hours and he still hasn’t come back here. Where the hell could he be? I just hope he’s not with that Nick bastard. I can imagine the two of them being together right now…oh gross…I can see them fucking each other’s brains out. I can’t stand this. I don’t think I can handle things if that’s what was going on. I’d just kill myself…no, I’d kill Nick and then I’ll get him too. I shouldn’t be punishing myself for them being together. If he’s cheating on me with Nick, then they both deserve to die. I will not be known as the woman that was left for another man.
Going back into the bedroom and sitting down on the bed next to Baylee, I thought I’d just lay down with him and get a nap myself. This whole matter is taking its toll on me and I don’t know how much more of this I could take? Drifting off to sleep, my mind played over and over the fight that me and Brian had on our wedding night. I can’t believe I had tricked him the way I did, but hell I loved him. I know I was a fool then for going about things the way I did, but looking back on it now, I know if I had just left well enough alone, there wouldn’t be an issue now.
Stirring in and out of sleep, I rolled over on the bed to see the door open and Brian walked in, taking off his jacket as he sat down on the sofa in the main room. Noticing that things were out of place on the table, Brian got up and walked towards the bedroom where me and Baylee were.
“Baylee? Leigh!” Brian screams as he moved over to the bed to stand in front of me. “What the hell are you two doing here?”
“Where have you been Brian?” I ask him, not answering his question. “We’ve been here a very long time and not once have you been here. Hell you haven’t been answering your cell phone!”
“I asked what the hell were you two doing here?” He asked again as he stood there not moving from the spot he was in, tapping his foot on the floor.
“Fine Brian, you know what I’m doing here,” I tell him as he sat down on the other bed across from us and started running his hand through his hair. “I told you that if I had to, I’d come on this damn tour with you to stop you and Nick from being together. I meant every word I told you Brian.”
“I can’t fucking believe this. You’re out of your fucking mind Leigh! I told you there was nothing to worry about! I can’t believe you’re actually here pulling this shit right now,” he says, standing up quickly and pacing back and forth in front of me.
“What’s the fuck the matter Brian? Did I throw a wrench in your plans to get with Nick?” I ask him, smirking as he stops in front of me, looking as though he wanted to smack me. “What’s the problem Brian? Truth hurts?”
“You’re my problem! You and you alone is my problem Leigh!” He shouts, pulling his hand back like he was about to punch me, but stopping as I slid back in the bed, wrapping my arms around Baylee.
“I’m not the fucking problem between us Brian, your feelings for Nick Carter are!” I shout at him, not caring who heard us. “If you were not in love with him, things with us would be fucking wonderful! I don’t know why you’re hurting us like this. Be a damn man and stop hoping for the damn Hershey trail! Why want a man’s ass when you got all these luscious peaks and valleys right here in front of you. Nick Carter can’t do the things I can for you. Nick can’t give you everything you need like I can.”
“Shut the fuck up bitch! So what if I have feelings for him!?! If I’d known then what I know now, I’d never married your skanky ass!” He shouts at me, turning around and punching the wall, leaving a big hole there as he recoiled and held his hand.
“Are you out of your fucking mind Brian?” I ask him as Baylee woke up and started crying loudly.
“Yeah I’m out of my fucking mind. I should’ve never married you. That wall should have been you!” He shouts as Baylee got louder.
“How dare you!” I scream at him in the same manner, standing up while cradling Baylee in my arms trying to quiet him down.
“How dare I what bitch?” He asks in a sadistic tone.
“Brian you’re scaring our son,” I say to him as he turns around and starts laughing.
“Our son?” He says, laughing again. “I still sometimes wonder if he really is my son, considering the way we ended up getting married.”
“He’s our son Brian and you know that!” I scream at him, wanting to literally yank his heart out the way he was breaking mine. “How dare you say that shit to me! He’s your child just like he’s mine!”
“Yeah he might be my son, but you surely tricked the fuck out of me bitch! I never should have fell for that damn trick and married you! I could have been his daddy without ever walking that damn mile. I’m through with you bitch! I’ve had enough!” He screams as someone starts pounding on the door scaring me and Baylee, causing him to scream louder.
Here I am again, sitting here in a different hotel’s lounge getting drunk. Why is it that this is all I seem to do these days? Alcohol is my best friend now; it helps me not think about my empty love life or the problems that plague daily living. Why am I putting myself through this fucking torture? I love him like he was already mine. He doesn’t love me; he’ll never love me the way I want him to. Why is it that I fall in love with the guys that are already taken? I’m just a fucking loser that nobody wants. I have the worst luck when it comes to falling in love and having crushes on guys. First I fell in love with Howie, then Kevin only to find out that they were secretly together and Kristin was just a cover up. Now I’ve fallen in love with Nick and he doesn’t even know I romantically exist. Why can’t I find someone that isn’t slated for another? Why hasn’t my Mr. Right found me yet? I’m still here waiting man…
“Give me another,” I say, shaking my glass at the bartender. “Come on, make it quick.”
“Yes sir,” he says, glaring at me as he took the glass and started to refill my glass. “Anything else for you sir?”
“Why don’t you just put the whole bottle up here and then I wouldn’t have to call you back over,” I tell him as he shook his head at me. “Oh well, suit your damn self.”
“Sir you don’t need to take that tone with me,” the bartender says as I turn around and stand up.
“You don’t tell me what kind of tone to take, I’ll take any damn tone I want,” I tell him, walking down to the other end of the bar where he stood washing glasses.
“Sir why don’t you just go back to your seat and enjoy your drink,” the bartender says as I lean over the bar, getting up in his face.
“You don’t tell me what to fucking do either,” I tell him, pushing him backwards a bit, causing him to drop one of the glasses, breaking it on the floor. “Fucking incompetence…can’t even fucking wash dishes right.”
“Sir I asked you nicely to go back to your seat and enjoy your drink,” he says, turning around to get a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess he had made.
“Fuck nicely, you fucking twat,” I tell him as that apparently had gotten on his nerves as he grabbed me by my shirt and then pulled me the rest of the way over the bar and started shaking me like I was a freaking baby or something. “Let me fucking go!”
“I warned you twice to sit down you fucking spoiled brat!” He shouts at me as a black woman sitting down at the other end of the bar was rooting him on.
“Kick his pansy ass! The lil bitch didn’t have no home training! Teach him a lesson Sam! Show him who’s boss!” The woman shouts clapping her hands and tapping her glass on the counter as other patrons in the bar gathered around.
What the hell is this! Here I am getting the fuck beat out of me in front of all of these people and no one is helping me. What the hell is wrong with these creeps? Why isn’t anyone helping? Can’t they see he’s hurting me…
“Hey! Hey now! Break yo self fool; can’t you see that you’ve beaten him enough? I think he’s learned his lesson now Sam,” the black woman says, stepping in between the two of us as two guys joined her and pulled the bartender off of me as I fell to the floor. “Step the fuck back and give him some room.”
“I…I think I need a docta,” I say as I could fell some wetness on my face and chest.
“I think you do too. How many fingers am I holding up playa?” The woman asks me.
“Seven,” I say as she starts tapping her foot.
“Nah playa, that ain’t right, I only got two fingers held up. We need to get you to see someone at the hospital,” the woman says as she bends down to help me up. “Stop looking and give me a hand with him.”
What the fuck is the matter with me? I can’t go on like this. I must think of another way to go and quick. I thought last night’s plan was a surefire way of dying, but that didn’t do anything but cause me to sleep longer and piss the fucking bed. I can’t even kill myself right. I guess just overdosing on sleeping pills isn’t going to do what I want; I need to move up to bigger and better ideas.
I was so happy to see Brian yesterday when he was here, but I was totally mean to him. I know I should’ve been nicer to him, but I was right, he wasn’t around when I really needed him, hell he married fucking Leighanne, when I should have been the one wearing his ring. Why do I let things continue to torture me? One of these days I’m going to find the best method to die and I’ll be done. Hopefully that will be soon…
Getting up to start another dreadful day, I took a shower and got dressed. Calling room service and ordering up some breakfast, I sat down and turned the television on, in hopes of finding something interesting to watch. While sitting and waiting for my breakfast to arrive, I thought about my plan and the things that I had heard last night. I don’t know if that was a sleeping pill induced fantasy, but I could have sworn I heard Brian arguing with Leighanne and he said that they were over and that he had had enough. That would be a dream come true for me, but that would never happen in a million years. Letting reality kick back on, someone was knocking on the door.
Getting up and walking to the door, I opened it and allowed the room service person to push the cart into the room. I normally would have been eating with the guys, but I’m really not in the mood for seeing any of them these days.
“Good morning sir, here’s the breakfast you requested. Will there be anything else?” The person asks, lifting the cover off the tray revealing my breakfast too me as the smell filled my nostrils.
“Mmmmm, smells good,” I say, handing the guy a tip and ushering him out the door so I could eat my meal in peace.
“This is what you call a world-class breakfast. I got my scrambled eggs, grits, toast and bacon. When it comes to food, it don’t get no better than this,” I say as someone else knocks on the door. “This better be good.”
“Nick open the door,” I hear Kevin say as I sigh and open the door for him.
“What is it that you want?” I ask him as he and Howie stood there in the doorway holding hands. “Why are you two holding hands like that?”
“Can we come in Nick?” Kevin asks as I step back to allow the two of them into the room. “How are you feeling today?”
“Why do you want to know Kevin?” I ask him, still looking at his and Howie entwined fingers. “Why are you two holding hands?”
“Why shouldn’t we?” Howie asks, sitting down on the sofa in the room.
“Ah maybe I’m missing something here,” I say, sitting back down in my spot and pulling the serving tray back closer to me so that I could resume eating my breakfast. “I find it strange for two straight guys such as yourselves to be holding hands unless you two are hiding something about yourselves.”
“Nick we’re gay and in a relationship together,” Howie says as I send juice flying across the room, drenching the both of them. “What da fuck!”
“You’re what?!?” I ask, getting up from my spot and stepping back away from the two of them. “You’re gay and I’m just now finding out about this? When did this happen you two?”
“Nicky calm down,” Kevin says, stepping closer to me as he used a napkin to wipe his face.
“No I won’t calm down! You’re gay and you didn’t fucking tell me! What about Kristin?” I ask him as he shakes his head.
“She’s only my cover Nicky. We’re only got married to appease the fans,” he tells me as I shook my head.
“How long have you two been together?” I ask him as he turned to Howie and smiled.
“We’ve been together since we all decided to take a break back in 2000,” Kevin answers me as I just stood there watching the two of them.
Maybe this was the sign from God I was looking for. If Howie and Kevin are gay, then that means it would be okay if I was too. Maybe this is God’s way of trying to keep me here. I wonder if this is really real or if this is some trick that they are using to try to get me to tell them what is wrong with me.
“Nick are you okay with us being gay and together?” Kevin asks me as he steps closer to me.
“Why wouldn't I be?” I ask him as he looks at me and opens his arms.
I walked into his arms and gave him a hug. At that moment I don’t know what happened to me, my floodgates opened and I started crying in his arms as I felt Howie hugging me too. Maybe I need to come clean with Howie and tell him the stuff that Kevin already knows.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I don’t know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don’t know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn’t take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.