Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 18:45:11 -0800
From: musicfan@fiberia.com
Subject: Where Do We Go #45

Disclaimer:

   Chapter 45 is the next chapter in an ongoing story about Stephen Gately
from Boyzone and Eloy de Jong, formerly of Caught in the Act.  I have no
contact, alas with either gentleman or group, so these chapters exist
within the imagination of the author's mind, combined with public events
that happened during this time.

   Cheers,

   Musicfan


###


     The next week was frustrating for both Stephen and Eloy.  It seemed
that they never had any time to actually talk to one another, and had to
rely on leaving messages on one another's voicemail.  It wasn't a
satisfying method at all, and no substitute for actually speaking with one
another.

     Stephen spent his time at home and also looking at property with his
sister.  She had pulled out all the stops and drove them all over the
county trying to find a place she liked.  When he laughingly asked which
one of them she was looking for a house for, she indignantly told him that
since he didn't know what he wanted, she had to look out for his interests.

     Towards the end of the week Stephen started to get nervous about going
to Amsterdam again.  He had this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach
that they were going to have to cancel getting together.  Michelle told him
that he needed to think positively about things, but he couldn't seem to
shake the feeling that events seemed to be working against them.  Three
days before he was supposed to leave Dublin, he was sitting on the deck at
Michelle's house when his mobile rang.

     "Hello?" He said, hoping against hope that it was Eloy.

     "Hey, honing.  I actually got you a for a change, didn't I?" Eloy
said, his voice rich with laughter.  Stephen closed his eyes in reaction to
hearing his lover's voice.

     "Yes you did. Hi there," he said, a big smile on his face. "How are
ya?"

     "Goed.  Tired, but goed," Eloy admitted.  He was sitting on a bus as
his group rode to another promotional appearance.  He had been pretty
frustrated by his lack of contact with Stephen also.  Either it was far too
late by the time he got home at night to call, or it was in the middle of
the day when Stephen didn't have his mobile on because he was doing things
with his family.  "How have things been going for you?"  Stephen hadn't
mentioned the argument with his brother.  He didn't want to waste the
little time he did have with Eloy complaining.

     "Well, I'd say relaxing if my sister would ever let me relax!" Stephen
said with a laugh.  He briefly told Eloy about the houses that his sister
had been showing him, voicing regret that he had even gotten her started on
the subject. Eloy laughed at him, eliciting glances from his band mates on
the bus.  They chatted for a short while about what Eloy had been up to.
Stephen wanted to bring up the subject of their next weekend, but was
afraid to hear what Eloy was going to say.

     "You're still coming Friday, ja?" Eloy asked, lowering his voice so
that Ben couldn't hear him from the next seat over.

     "Yeah, absolutely." Stephen affirmed, feeling himself relax at Eloy's
question.  He was so scared that something was going to come and change
their plans that he hadn't wanted to hear Eloy tell him that.  "Michelle's
been teasing me because I haven't packed yet."

     Eloy smiled as he listened to Stephen joke. "Ah, well, you have a
little time left for that, right?"  Stephen agreed and they quietly talked
about what they would do once they got together.  Stephen was all for just
having a quiet weekend in the apartment without going out at all.  With all
of the travelling he had been doing, Eloy was quite ready to agree to that.
He had some movies he had been meaning to watch and knew that Stephen would
be quite happy doing that, too.  He had a warm feeling when he thought
about how well they clicked together on subjects like that.

    When he saw his exit coming up, he told Stephen he was going to have to
call him later, and promised to try to get through early enough so that
they could chat when they had some privacy.  Stephen wished him well for
the day and they rung off.

    He was still staring out into the ocean when his sister came out with
some sandwiches she had made for lunch.  She saw her brother was lost in
thought, the mobile held loosely in his hand.

    "Earth to Stephen," she said softly, placing the plate in front of him
and startling him out of his thoughts.  "You back yet?"

    He smiled up at his sister as she brought him back to the present.
"Yup, I am.  Oh, that looks lovely!" He said, looking down at the sandwich
she brought him.  "You're making me terribly spoiled, you know!"

    "That's the point," she said with a laugh, taking a seat opposite and
smiling at him.  "You'll get used to it and keep on coming back for more!"

    "Is that the way of it now?" He said, smiling at her.  When she nodded
he laughed and picked up his sandwich, taking a bite out of it.  "Mmmm,
good bribe!"

    "I take it you were talking to Eloy," Michelle asked, picking up her
own sandwich.  He nodded and she smiled.  "How is he?"

    "Running around like a mad man," Stephen said ruefully. "He always
sounds so tired when I talk to him.  They've really got them on this crazy
schedule with this new album.  I hope it goes well for him.  I've heard
some of the songs and they're really great."

    "Especially the ones he does?" She said with a laugh.  He winked at
her. "Not that I'm saying you're biased or anything."

    "No, never that." He agreed.  "Just an impartial judgment from someone
else in the industry."  She nodded sagely at his comment, picking up a chip
and biting into it delicately.  "We also talked about what we're going to
do this weekend."

    "Oh? What are your plans?" She knew he had been worried that due to
Eloy's schedule his trip was going to get cancelled, and was hoping that he
would turn out to be wrong.  They had so little time together as it was.

    "Absolutely none," he said with a laugh. "Other than lazing around and
just watching movies and relaxing."

     "Sounds nice," she laughed along with him.  She knew that for Stephen,
just lounging around was a luxury, and not something he got to do that
often.  Even being home on a break, he was constantly running around with
people he never got to see.  He still had a few friends from the old
neighbourhood that he chummed around with when he found the time, and he
had been taking advantage of getting together with them again.  While he
didn't have a lot of friends, the ones he had were fiercely protective of
his privacy.  Michelle heartily approved of them, since they helped to keep
Stephen grounded.  Each of them had refused when he had wanted to help them
financially, not caring about his money, but wanting to stay friends for
the sake of their friendship.  It still didn't stop him from buying things
for them, but it showed that their friendship was made of more than because
of their connections.

     "Stephen, I do have to ask one thing," she said, a smile playing on
her lips.  He looked up from his plate and seeing the smile, knew it was
something to do with Eloy.

    "Yeah, what's that?"  He asked. He rubbed the crumbs off his hands and
sat back in the chair, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watched his
sister.

     "When do I get to meet him?" She asked.  He laughed, and knew that
although he found her question amusing, she was very serious.  She was
dying to meet the man who made her brother's eyes light up the way they
did.  She knew that chances were, this was going to be a permanent
relationship, despite the hurdles they were going to have to overcome with
their careers. She also knew the comment he had made to their mother about
ruing the day that they did get together, but she was so eager to meet him
that she didn't care what her brother thought.  At times, she thought about
what it would be like to hop onto a plane and just go over there, though
how Alan would deal with Jordan on his own was a mystery she hadn't figured
out.  She supposed she could just take him with her, but there was a
certain part of her that wanted to just enjoy spending time alone with her
brother, without her son stealing his attention away from her.

     Stephen noticed the curious expression on her face, and knew that
something odd was going on inside.  Though he loved to tease her about
things, he knew how much it meant to her to see him happy.  His heart
warmed at the thought that she was so concerned for him.  He leaned forward
and, pulling a hand out of his pocket, clasped his sister's hand lightly
with his own.  "Honey, one of these days when we can find ourselves in the
same place for longer than two days, I'll see what I can do.  I do think
you two would get along famously.  And I would love for you both to
meet. You're my family, and I want Eloy to meet my family, the same way I
met his."

     "Oh, sweetie," Michelle said softly, moved beyond words by his
comments.  She knew how much it meant to him to be accepted by his family
in his choices, and the last few weeks he had gone through a rough time at
home.  While their mother was trying to be understanding, Michelle knew
that if she actually was confronted with Stephen being affectionate to
another man in front of her that she probably wouldn't be able to deal with
it.  As sad as she knew that would make her brother, she still knew it was
true that their mother had a long way to go before giving the easy
acceptance to a relationship of his like Eloy's mother apparently was.
Stephen had told her about Eloy pulling him into his lap on the sofa at
Lenie's house and kissing him breathless.  He had blushed at just the
memory, and her heart went out to him that he felt he had to be so cautious
in front of his own family.  Sometimes when she thought of her brother Alan
and how prejudiced he could be, she just wanted to box his ears!  Stephen
didn't ask for much - just to have a place where he could come home, relax
and not have to worry about what people thought.  Especially his family.
She had thought for a long time that had they been a bit more accepting, he
would have been inclined to be happier in his own life, and not so reticent
with relationships.  As it was, she was thrilled that he had gotten to the
point in this relationship that he was moving on whole-heartedly with it.
There were so many times in the past when he would just withdraw into his
shell rather than take the chance that someone might find out.  She knew
how desperately lonely he could be, and had heard stories from some of the
other lads when she had gone to visit them on tour.  Keith especially had
been concerned, because he felt responsible for Stephen's welfare.  It
really warmed her to know that he had such good friends who were concerned
about him.

     "One of these days, Michelle, it will happen.  When we both get a long
enough break to make it happen." Stephen promised, unaware of the way her
thoughts were moving.  He thought of the two of them together and broke out
into a big grin at the idea.  His smile was infectious and she smiled right
back at him.

     "Oh, I don't doubt it, honey.  I'm just too damn impatient to wait!"
She laughed.  The sound of Jordan slamming the kitchen door behind them
turned their conversation to something else for a while as Jordan barreled
over to his uncle.


 * * *

     Eloy felt his heart sink into his stomach at the comment from their
manager.  The words "change of schedule" the day before their weekend break
made him want to panic at the thought that he was going to have to break
off his meeting with Stephen.

     "What sort of change?" Bas asked warily, voicing Eloy's own
feelings. "Haven't we been running around enough as it is?  Don't take away
our break, we need it."

     "Listen, Bastiaan, if you don't do this promotion, you can take a
break as long as you want," their manager said angrily. He could see from
all their faces that they weren't happy with the idea. "These are
opportunities you can't afford to throw away.  You know that the record
company has been going through a re-org, and frankly, the people taking
over are looking for excuses to cut a few acts.  Do you seriously want to
be one of those that get cut?  I'm not saying that's going to happen, but
it's inevitable when there's a management shake up that high up the ladder.
We can't give them any excuses.

     "Now I'm going to give you a few minutes to talk about it, but I want
the right answer when I come back."  With that he walked out the door.

     They sat in silence, no one wanting to bring up the topic. Finally Lee
sighed, slumping against the wall.  "Do we have much of a choice?"

     "We should, shouldn't we?" Ben asked, looking around the room at his
mates.  "I don't think a few days off is a big deal, is it? Damn, I'm so
sick of running around.  I just want a day or two to myself." He turned
away and slammed his fist into the wall.  Eloy got up and held his arm
before he could do it again.  Ben resisted him for a minute or two before
he gave up and leaned back into Eloy's embrace.  "I'm so damn tired.  At
this point, I want to just say screw it all."

     Eloy closed his eyes at the raw pain in Ben's voice. It also served to
give him some perspective about his own situation with Stephen.  He knew
that Ben had gone through a rather messy breakup not too long ago, and he
felt for him.  Having to be on camera and smiling had been agony for Ben
over the past few weeks.  Eloy tightened his hug and Ben quieted down,
accepting his sympathy.

     "Do you really think that he means that about the record company?" Bas
asked, his voice tentative.  While he knew that their manager was prone to
threats to get them to do stuff, this time it didn't sound like a story.

     "There have been a lot of different faces coming around," Lee
admitted, still slumped against the wall.  "Honestly, I don't think we have
a choice right now."  At his comment Ben opened his eyes and pulled away
from Eloy.

     "I don't think I can," he said softly, giving Eloy a wan smile of
thanks for his understanding.  "I really can't."

     "What about you, E? I know you had plans, too."  Lee asked, looking
over at his friend.  Eloy lifted his hands in a shrug.

     "Ja, I do. And I've had the worst feeling that it wasn't going to
happen for the last week or so.  It seems like these things always tend to
happen to us, doesn't it?"  He stepped away from Ben who sat down on the
chair in the corner.  "The question is, is Johannes right? Do we have a
choice in saying no?"  He looked around at the others and seeing their glum
faces, knew that none of them thought they did.

     "So that's it?" Ben asked, his face resigned as he saw them all nod.
He swore softly and collapsed further back into the chair.  Eloy empathised
with him, knowing full well how he felt.

      They sat back, no one saying a word until their manager came back in.
He walked in, looked around and smiled in satisfaction.

      "I'm happy to see that you know how important this is," he said,
silently acknowledging their acquiescence.  "I'll make it up to you, lads.
I promise.  A nice long break at the end of this run."  He walked out to
talk to the promotions people and they were left to their own devices.  Ben
slammed his fist into the arm of his chair repeatedly, his face a
determined mask.  Eloy knew he was doing it because he was so frustrated
that if he didn't he was going to cry.  He was tired.  They were all tired.
Every album, it seemed like they had less time to themselves.  Silently, he
acknowledged that this is the kind of thing that Carlo had hated, and the
reason why he hadn't wanted him to go back on the road.

     He got up and went out onto the hotel room balcony.  Screams met his
appearance and he moved back against the wall where he was harder to see.
He pulled his mobile out of his pocket, dreading having to make the call to
Stephen.  He knew if he didn't do it and speak to him directly, he wasn't
going to be able to leave a message.  He needed to talk to Stephen, to try
and explain why he had to cancel their weekend.  He leaned his head back
against the wall and blinked away the tears that threatened to come.  It
wouldn't do any good, and he needed to be as upbeat as possible, for
Stephen's sake.

     Slowly he dialed in Stephen's mobile number, remembering the numbers
by heart.  He prayed that Stephen was going to be understanding, and not
too disappointed in the change of plans.

     Stephen was sitting on the rocky outcropping near his sister's house,
not thinking of much of anything when he heard his mobile ringing.  He
pulled it out of his pocket and answered, wondering who was calling.

     "Hullo?" He said, still watching a bird dipping down into the water in
search of an evening meal.

     "Hey Stephen," Eloy said with mixed feelings, glad that he had been
able to reach him directly, but at the same time dreading what he was going
to have to tell him.  "Got a minute?"

      Stephen knew immediately from the tone of Eloy's voice that the news
wasn't good.  He had a feeling for the past week that something was going
to go wrong, and he knew that he was going to be right.  "For you, always,
babe.  What's up?"

     A long sigh met his question, confirming the news without Eloy having
to say a word.  "Stephen, I don't know how to say this, but..."

     "You have to cancel," Stephen finished the sentence for him. "What
happened?"

     "Zusje, I'm so sorry," Eloy whispered softly, his voice barely coming
through the phone to Stephen.  "I really don't want to do this, honestly I
don't.  Our manager isn't giving us much of a choice, though. He said that
if we walk away from this promotion, we might as well walk away from our
contract with the company."

     Stephen closed his eyes, feeling tears threatening at Eloy's words.
"Is it really that serious?" He knew well his own manager's way of
bullshitting his way through things to get them to do things, and wondered
if Eloy's manager was cut from the same cloth.

     "Well, there's been a major shake up at the studio, and he feels that
the new people in charge will be looking for any excuse to cut acts.  Maybe
he's giving us a line, but we all fell for it, if it is a line." Eloy said
with a sigh.  "Stephen, I feel so bad about this.  I really was looking
forward to you coming over.  I'll find a way to make it up to you, honing."

    "It's all right," Stephen said, trying to mask his disappointment.  He
knew that Eloy didn't have much choice in the matter, and he wanted to make
him feel better.  "It wasn't like we were going to do much but lounge
around.  I just feel bad that you're not going to have any time off at all
now."

    "I know.  Poor Ben was slamming his fist into the wall over it. We're
all so damn tired that with the idea of doing even more I think he's losing
it."  Eloy knew that Stephen was trying to make things easier for him, but
he still felt awful having to cancel their weekend together.  "You going to
be okay with this," he asked softly, ignoring the noise inside as someone
entered the hotel room and started talking to the rest of the group.

    "Yeah, it's okay," Stephen said, trying to remain upbeat.  He knew Eloy
hadn't wanted to make this call, and he didn't want Eloy to feel any worse
than he did already.  "We'll have to just reschedule is all."  He knew that
chances were that by the time Eloy got the break he needed that he himself
would be back in the studio and have even less time to make plans.  He
didn't say any of what he was thinking, knowing there was no use in voicing
it.  He felt his lip trembling and he bit it to stop himself.  "Honey, it's
not your fault.  You had no idea this was going to happen."

    "Ja, but still." Eloy said, fighting back tears at this point.  He
should have known that Stephen would be good about it.  He loved him so
damn much, and this sort of thing just proved what a big heart Stephen had.
All Stephen was concerned about was how he was feeling, rather than being
disappointed about the trip. "I love you."

    "I love you too, baby.  We'll get through this.  There will be other
times, yeah?" Stephen said.  He could tell from the way Eloy's voice
started to break that he was close to tears himself.  Stephen resisted the
urge to break down with him.  He had to be upbeat for Eloy, and he was
determined that he wasn't going to make him feel guilty about this.
"You'll just owe me big time."

     "Ah, will I?" Eloy asked, grabbing onto the distraction.  A rap on the
sliding door drew his glance over to the hotel room and he saw their PR
person motioning anxiously for him.  He turned his back to the door,
ignoring the command.  If he was going to give up his weekend, they could
very well wait until he was ready to go.  "Well, I'll have to think of
something appropriate to make it up to you."

     "I'm looking forward to it," Stephen said, forcing himself to laugh.
He didn't want Eloy to know how broken up he was about this, and he put on
a façade of cheerfulness.  "I'll be expecting something really good, you
know."

     "Is that so, honing?" Eloy said, feeling a little better.  He knew
that Stephen was putting up a good front for him, but it did help him feel
a little better about the whole thing.  "I'm going to have to plan this one
carefully then."  The sliding door opened and the PR man pushed his head
out the door, glaring at Eloy now.  "Damn, I have to go.  It's already
started."

    "Go on then.  Give me a call when you get a chance and we can talk
later.  Keep a chin up, smile for me, and I'll talk to you later." Stephen
urged him.

    "I love you," Eloy said softly.

    "I love you, babe.  Go on before they haul you away," Stephen said.  He
could hear noise behind Eloy now as people urged the group out of the room.
He rung off and dropped his head onto his knees, the mobile still clasped
in his hand.  Tears welled up now that he had hung up and he felt them soak
through the fabric of his jeans. He knew that it was stupid to be so upset
about their cancelled trip, but he had been looking forward to it so much.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop himself from crying, but it
didn't seem to help.  He felt a huge gaping emptiness inside, and he knew
that it probably wouldn't be the last time he felt like this when one of
them had to break off a meeting. Almost, he wanted to just give up, to stop
this from happening again.

    He let out a shuddering breath as he thought about a future without
Eloy and knew that he couldn't give up.  It would be like losing a part of
his soul to deny his feelings for Eloy.  It was that thought that made him
realise he was going to have to accept that changes in their plans was
going to be a regular occurrence, and that he wasn't going to be able to
get upset about it each time if they were going to make this work.

    It was a long time before he picked himself up off the rocks and made
his way back to his sister's house.  The sun had set by the time he climbed
the steps to the porch.  He had missed supper and saw his sister sitting on
the porch waiting for him.

    She had seen him sitting by himself off on the rocks and knew better
than to ring him if he was in one of his moods.  He knew damn well when she
served the meals and if he chose to ignore the time, then he probably had a
good reason for it.  By the look on his face, she knew that he had needed
the time to himself and forbore to say anything to him until he was ready
to talk about it himself.

    Without a word, he sat down on the swing next to her and leaned his
head back, his posture speaking for itself.  He looked totally dejected.
She spied the mobile phone peeking out of his pocket and knew that his trip
had been called off.  His face looked puffy to her, as if he had been
crying.  She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but knew that he wasn't
the little brother she used to cuddle in her lap when they were young
anymore.  Silently she placed a hand on his, which was resting on the
cushion between them.  He sighed deeply.

    "Do you ever feel cursed, like you did something so wrong in a past
life that things can't go right in this one," he asked, not looking at her.
"I don't think I ask for much, do I? I just want a little time for myself."

    "What happened, honey?" Michelle asked, her heart going out to her
brother.

    "Eloy rang," Stephen said briefly. The tone of his voice spoke
volumes. "It seems their manager called off their weekend break,
threatening them with losing their record contract if they didn't do some
promotion he wanted them to do."

    "Does he go by the name Louis by any chance?" His sister asked with a
dark look on her face and he smiled wanly at her comment.

    "No, he doesn't.  Though I wonder if they're related," Stephen said.
"The problem is, it's a possibility.  Not too long ago, Louis was talking
about the fact that if they didn't get their sales up that they were going
to get cut. Of course he was gloating because it meant less competition for
us, but I haven't said a thing to Eloy about it. Especially anything that
comes out of Louis' mouth."

    "So what happens now," his sister asked, rubbing his hand. He shrugged
as he sat back again, this time with a smaller sigh.

    "What happens?  We wait for another time.  It's just that by the time
he does get finished, I'll be off this break and back in the studio.  With
a trip to America coming up, I don't think I'm going to get much of a
chance to see him."  He was silent for a moment while he thought about the
upcoming months.  "Michelle, sometimes I wonder if this isn't going to be
impossible.  I mean we have competing schedules, if we're lucky we're only
going to get a moment here or there.  The problem is that I don't think
it's ever going to be enough. Not for me, at least."

    "Ask yourself one thing honey.  Is he worth it?" She said quietly,
hurting for him, but trying to keep a positive outlook so he wouldn't
spiral down into a depression.

    "Is he worth it?" Stephen repeated her question, startled. "Feck,
yeah!"

    "Well then, you do what you have to and keep it going.  If it means
that a few weeks or a month or two are going to go by without seeing each
other, then you take it as it comes. Someday it will all pay off and you'll
be able to spend time together.  Just use what you have.  You have your
mobiles and its not like you can't talk to each other all the time. You'll
make do if that's what you really want."

    Stephen considered her comments for a long while.  "Michelle, I can't
think of what it would be like without him now.  I really can't." He looked
over at her, his eyes red rimmed from his earlier tears. "Life wouldn't be
worth living if I knew I'd never have him in my life."

    She caught her breath at his comment, scared by the naked emotion she
saw in her brother's face.  She knew he couldn't talk to anyone else about
this, and was glad that he felt he could come to her with it.

    "Then hold on tight, and don't let go," she said. "It will all work out
in the end, you just have to be patient." A sigh met her comments and he
slumped over to lean his head against her shoulder.  She wrapped her arms
around him and hugged him tightly.

   "It's so hard, though," he whispered against her cheek. "It's just so
damn hard."


* * *

    That same night Eloy collapsed into his bed, dead tired. He stared up
at the ceiling with gritty eyes, barely seeing it.  All he wanted to do was
go to sleep.  But he couldn't.  He had promised Stephen he would call.

    His arms felt like leaden weights as he lifted himself up and reached
for the phone.  He knew it was very late, but he knew he wasn't going to
rest until he had at least made the attempt to call Stephen.  He had broken
that promise so often lately that he felt he had to live up to his word
this time.

    He leaned against the headboard, tiredly listening to the ringing of
the telephone.  A click was audible and he thought he had gotten Stephen's
answering service when a sleepy voice mumbled hello.

     "Hey, baby," Eloy said softly, feeling bad about having woken Stephen
up.  "I'm sorry to wake you.  Go back to sleep honing."

     Stephen rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he heard Eloy's voice in
his ear.  "Nah, it's okay.  I was waiting for you to call.  It's okay."  He
yawned, covering his mouth so that it wasn't audible over the phone.
"How'd it go tonight?"

     A sigh answered his question, telling him the depth of Eloy's
tiredness.  "I guess alright.  I wasn't really paying attention," Eloy
admitted.  He had gone through the motions of the television program,
feeling like it had been a waste of time.  None of the others had been into
it either.  Immediately afterwards they had been whisked off on a plane
ride down to Madrid, where they had collapsed into their beds as soon as
they had gotten checked in.  The flight had been a nightmare, with delays
that had left them stranded on the runway for hours.  That was why he was
so late in calling Stephen.  The plane had been crowded and he hadn't
wanted to call while sitting next to some stranger.

    "Where are you now?" Stephen asked, forcing himself to concentrate on
what Eloy was saying.  He hadn't been able to sleep, having tossed and
turned most of the night before falling asleep.  Rolling over, he saw that
the clock read half past three and he knew that Eloy must be even more
tired than he was.

    "Somewhere in Spain.  I don't really know.  I just know it was one hell
of a flight and we have an early morning television programme that we have
to be up for." Eloy admitted.

    "Oh honey, you need to sleep," Stephen said, feeling for his lover.

    "I can't sleep," Eloy said. "I feel miserable about canceling on you."
It was true, he knew as tired as he was, he wasn't going to be able to
close his eyes for the rest of the night.

    "You're going to be a wreck, baby.  You can't do that to yourself,"
Stephen said softly. "At least make the sacrifice count for something,
okay?"

    Eloy closed his eyes, which felt like someone had rubbed sandpaper in
them.  "I know, honing.  I know.  But I'm so damned mad right now that I
don't think I could sleep, even if I tried."

    "Awww, baby.  Please don't say that." Stephen urged him. "You need your
rest.  I can't have my gorgeous man looking like hell on the telly, can I?"
He tried to tease him into a better mood.  A tired chuckle met his comment.

    "You wouldn't call me that if you saw me right now," Eloy said feeling
drained.  He resisted Stephen's gentle urging, wanting to wallow in his
self-pity for a while.  Stephen continued to cajole him, teasing him over
the course of the next hour.

     By the time he finished, Eloy realised that it was past five in the
morning, but he was definitely feeling a lot better for having talked with
Stephen.  He felt a surge of emotion for the other man that left him unable
to speak for a few moments.  Stephen was so good about worrying about him
that he didn't worry about himself.  He really appreciated what Stephen was
doing, and loved him all the more for his effort.

     "I think you're feeling better," Stephen said, his voice tired but
laced with humour.  He had been verbally massaging Eloy's aching body,
using his voice in lieu of his hands, which were too far away.  He had done
a fantastic job, because Eloy found himself quite relaxed from his
ministrations over the phone.

     "Ja, actually I am," Eloy said, surprised with his reaction. "Liefste,
what would I do without you?"

     "Well, I guess you'd be using that hand of yours a lot more," Stephen
joked, laughing at Eloy's chuckle at his audacity.  "God, look at the bad
habits I'm picking up from you!  I never said things like that before!"

     "I'm happy you do, though," Eloy said warmly. "You need to loosen up a
bit."

     "I do, do I?" Stephen said, his voice challenging Eloy's comment.  A
moment later he answered his own question before Eloy could reply. "Yeah, I
suppose I do."

     "Danke, liefste." Eloy said heartfully, thankful he had given into his
urge and had rung Stephen, even knowing he was probably fast asleep.

     "You're quite welcome, sweetheart," Stephen said, happy that his lover
sounded a lot better than when he had first called.  He picked his watch up
off of the nightstand and winced as he saw what time it was.  Luckily he
didn't have to be up at any set time, though he was sure his nephew would
make a big enough racket to get him up if he slept too long, but Eloy
needed to be up in a few hours, and here he was still awake.  "Baby, you
really need to get some sleep.  Will you try?  For me?" He pleaded softly.

     "Ja, I think I'll try for a bit.  I do feel better already, just by
hearing your voice, honing." Eloy said, finding that he really meant what
he had said.  He did feel a lot better.  Though his body still ached from
the past day, he felt he was finally relaxed enough to be able to try and
get a few hours sleep.  "Thank you, baby."

     "Anytime, honey. That's what I'm here for, after all." Stephen said,
feeling a warmth trickle over him at Eloy's tone. "You close your eyes and
get some sleep, okay?"

      "Ja, I will. You, too." Eloy said, feeling his eyelids droop down.
Stephen murmured an assent.  They said goodnight to each other before
ringing off.  Eloy held the phone next to his ear, still hearing Stephen's
soft "I love you" in his mind.  He smiled, knowing that no matter what kind
of hurdles they had to go through, that their relationship was built on a
solid foundation.  He put the phone down on its cradle, rolled over onto
his side and curled up, trying to imagine himself wrapping his body around
Stephen's.  After a while he drifted off, not noticing the rain as it
started hitting the windows outside his room.