Date: Sun, 17 Mar 2002 20:12:32 -0800
From: musicfan@fiberia.com
Subject: Where Do We Go #48

Disclaimer:

   Chapter 48 is the next chapter in an ongoing story about Stephen Gately
from Boyzone and Eloy de Jong, formerly of Caught in the Act.  I have no
contact, with either gentleman or group, so these chapters exist within the
imagination of the author's mind, combined with public events that happened
during this time.

   Cheers,

   Musicfan


###



     Stephen got off the plane in New York's La Guardia airport and looked
around.  People were running for connecting flights, and for the first time
in a long time, he and his friends were just part of the anonymous crowd
arriving through customs.  It felt good to not have to look over his
shoulder, and he grinned over at Keith as he hefted his suitcase and
followed him over to the line for customs.  He saw Ronan and Mikey drift
into another line near them and they made their way, waiting patiently.

     The customs officials started to give Keith a hard time, not taking
him seriously and Stephen stepped ahead to see if he could give his friend
some support.  Briefly, he glanced around to see if Mark was anywhere near
them, but he couldn't see their tour manager anywhere.  He was a bit
nervous about stepping in on it, but the last thing he wanted was for them
not to be allowed into the country because Keith mouthed off at the wrong
time.  Resolutely, he moved past Keith and looked at the customs officer.

     "Hello sir, is there anything I can do to help?" Stephen asked softly.
Keith had been drinking on the flight, and apparently the official wasn't
too pleased with the answers he had been given.

     "Do you know this man?" The official asked, pointedly buffing the
badge that was pinned to his uniform.  Stephen figured that the
differential treatment was best, since the last thing they needed was Keith
getting kicked out of the country before he was even allowed in.

     "Yes, sir, I do." Stephen said diffidently.  The man looked at him and
held out his hand.  Stephen handed over his passport and the man
scrutinised it against Keith's.

     "You two seem to travel together a lot," the man groused, giving
Stephen a hard look.  "You're from Northern Ireland, right?"

     Stephen surreptitiously put a hand on Keith's back to keep him from
saying anything else. "No sir, we're from the Republic of Ireland. Dublin,
to be exact."

     "Ah, so I see.  Are you here on business or pleasure?" The man said,
pulling a long form out and checking something against their passports.
Stephen could see the both Mikey and Ronan had already passed through and
were waiting for them on the other side of the dividers. Mark was coming
over from the line he had been in and stopped next to Ronan.

    "Business, sir." Stephen said softly. The man looked at him sharply
before jotting something down on his pad of paper and Stephen waved Mark
back when the other man started forward to see what was up. He was afraid
that one more person in the mix would just set the man off.  The official
looked over his shoulder at the other men standing behind him and then
turned back to Stephen.  "You know them too, I suppose?" When Stephen
nodded, he continued before Stephen could say anything. "I suppose you all
have work permits, if you're here for work then? We do have strict laws
against illegal immigrants working here in the United States."

    "I know, sir.  We're in a pop group together." Stephen said.  He felt
nervous under the piercing gaze of the official.  "We're going to be
recording some music here in New York for our record label. I don't think
we need work permits for that."

    "A music group?" The man said sceptically.  By this point several
people were staring at them since they were holding up the line.  Some
people moved to another line while the man behind them sighed loudly. "When
was the last time you were in Northern Ireland?" The official demanded.  He
started flipping through their passports.  Not that it would show them
crossing the border at all.

    "Not recently," Stephen said, a little confused.  Keith started to open
his mouth and he elbowed him in the ribs.  The less Keith said in an
inebriated state, the better. "And only to perform."

    "You sing, is that what it is?" The man asked, still suspicious.  By
this time he had turned and waved Ronan and Mikey forward. Mark followed
behind, prepared to step in and deal with the official if necessary.  The
man looked at Ronan who smiled at him.  "Do you know these men?"

    "Yes sir, I do," Ronan said, nodding to his friends. "We're in a band
together."

    "A band, is it? Where are your instruments?" The official asked,
looking at their suitcases.

    "Well, we have a back up band to play the instruments.  We do the
singing," Ronan asserted.  "Not sure if you're heard of us over here in the
States yet.  We're doing some recording in New York starting tomorrow."

    "And what is the name of this band of yours?" The man asked, still not
convinced, though he knew there was no way this blonde man could have heard
the shorter one's descriptions from where he had been standing.

    "Boyzone, sir," Ronan said respectfully.

    "Stephen, show him the magazine," Mark suggested quietly. He stepped
forward at that point and introduced himself to the customs officer,
answering several questions while Stephen followed his suggestion.

     Stephen rolled his eyes, totally forgetting he had had the latest copy
of Smash Hits in his bag.  He leaned down and pulled the magazine out of
the small pocket on the side and handed it over to the customs official.
They were on the cover, and as the man looked from the group in fancy dress
clothes on the cover to the four men in front of him, he couldn't deny that
they were who they said they were.

    "Where's the other one?" He said, looking for the one with the funny
hair.

    "He's on holiday," Ronan said helpfully.  The man stared at him for a
moment before looking down at the magazine in his hands before handing it
back to Stephen.  He stamped their passports and let them through, mumbling
"welcome to the United States."

    They thanked him politely Mark quickly herded them through the doors
and out onto the concourse. Stephen tugged on Keith's arm, pulling him
along behind him.  Mikey was having a hard time keeping a straight face and
finally fell back to where Stephen was and whispered, "What, he thought you
were the IRA or something?"

    "Must have," Stephen said, finding the thought silly himself.  They
looked like the last people who would have been suspected of running guns,
which was the usual suspicion for the Irish coming in and out of New York.
"Knew I should have gone first."

    Mikey chuckled as they passed through the doors and into the general
concourse.  The record company was supposed to have someone meeting them
and they looked around.  It was refreshing to be able to walk about without
being mobbed, and Ronan grinned at Stephen as they shared a look, thinking
the same thing.

    "Kind of nice, isn't it?" Ronan said and Stephen nodded. It wasn't
their first time to the States, but they hadn't been there that often where
the novelty had worn off.  Personally for Stephen, it was nice to be able
to go somewhere where they weren't known and mobbed immediately.  It had
been so long since any of them could go someplace in relative anonymity
that they all found it quite relaxing to know that there was still an area
they could get away from the fame when they needed to.

    "Here we go," Mark said as he pointed to a small woman in a suit
holding a sign that said "Mercury/Polydor" on it.  "Only one group she
could be waiting for."  Stephen and Ronan followed Mark and Mikey with
Keith trailing behind them.  The woman smiled as they approached.

    "Welcome to New York," she said, smiling up at the men in front of her.
"Hello Mark. Good to see you again," she said, smiling at their tour
manager.  "Aren't we missing someone?" She looked around, knowing that
there 5 members of the group.

    "Shane is away on holiday, so it's just the four of us," Ronan said,
taking the lead.  She nodded and he introduced each of the other lads to
her.

    "Hi, I'm Melissa Raguzzo. Missy for short," she said, smiling up at
Ronan as she shook hands with him.  "I'll be making sure you get settled in
and know where everything is.  Do you have any other bags?"  They shook
their heads and she motioned for a man in a dark suit to come over with a
cart.  "This is Ramone, who will be your driver while you're here in New
York. Ramone, these are the gentlemen that you'll be escorting while
they're here to work on their album up in Bronxville.  But first, we want
to bring you around to the company so you can meet with our people here
before heading out of the city."

    "Where out of the city?" Mikey asked after they had all piled their
suitcases onto the cart and started working their way towards the
doors. The rest of the lads drifted behind him as he walked alongside
Missy.

   "It's up in White Plains.  Not too far, but far enough to be in the
boonies," she laughed up at him.  "If it wasn't for the fact that the Loft
is one of the best damn recording studios in the state, most artists
wouldn't go there.  But they have a fantastic reputation and I think you'll
like working with them."  Keith had raised an eyebrow in surprise as she
cursed and Stephen had to stifle a giggle.  She had a strong accent and he
was reminded of the gangster films that he used to watch as a kid.

    They made their way out into the parking lot and over to a long stretch
limousine.  Their driver piled their luggage into the boot and they all
piled into the back. Mark got into the front seat so he could talk to the
driver about their hotel arrangements.  It was large enough that they all
fit in with plenty of room to spare.  Missy kept up a chatter with them as
they pulled away from the curb and out into traffic.  She pointed out some
of the sites of the city as they passed them, and even though they had been
in New York before, they still craned to look through the windows.

     "First stop is downtown to meet the brass," she said with a grin as
they all settled back.  "Our building is on the backside of Times Square.
A bit seedy, but they're working on it."  She saw them all grinning at her
and she stared back at them. "Am I talking too fast for you?  That happens
to me all the time, if I do just tell me to shut up or slow down and I
promise I won't mind."

    Stephen caught Mikey's eye with his own and they both cracked up at the
same time.  "I'm sorry," Stephen apologised.  "We don't mean to make fun of
you, honest."

    "No, we don't, it's just that it's so delightful to hear an accent like
yours." Mikey said.  He was sitting next to her on the seat and moved
sideways so he could look at her.  "It's also refreshing to come into a
city where we're not mobbed right away, so we're all feeling a little
giddy."

    "No problem," she said, laughing along with them.  "I'm always being
told that I'm a typical New Yorker.  Say what I think, when I think it and
the hell with the consequences.  There isn't much any of you can do that
can offend me."  Her eyes twinkled at Mikey and Keith nudged Stephen in the
rubs, waggling his eyebrows at the way she was flirting with Mikey.
Stephen rolled his eyes and nudged him back.  Ronan shook his head and kept
on looking out the window as they drove along the parkway towards
Manhattan.

    The traffic was heavy and they finally crossed over to the island as
they made their way to the home office of their US record company.  Missy
kept up a stream of conversation, pointing out places as they drove along
uptown to 8th Street and down to their final destination.  When they
finally got out, it was to the cacophony of honking horns, people shouting,
sirens and the noise of a busy city.  Keith winced, the effects of the
alcohol he had drunk finally wearing off. Mark stayed behind with the
driver.  They followed Missy into the relative quiet of the office building
in front of them and up to the top floor where the record company was.

    The lift took them to the top, and when they came out of the elevator,
they walked right into the reception area for the record company. Missy
waved a greeting to the woman at the reception desk and breezed past her,
motioning for the group to follow her.  They walked down a hallway with
offices, Missy pausing at several of them to introduce them to people.
They didn't stay long in any of the offices and she led the way down the
hall until they reached a door at the end.  There, she knocked briefly and
opened the door without waiting for a reply.

    Stephen looked around as he entered the room.  A man stood at the
window with a phone in his hand and as he turned, he murmured something
into the phone and hung it up on his desk.

    "Mission accomplished, Missy?" The big man said with a grin.

    "Yup, here's most of the group Boyzone. One of their members is on
vacation, or he'd be here too." She said, perching herself on the sofa over
by the wall.  The man walked around the desk and extended a hand towards
Ronan, who had been first through the door behind Missy.

    "Welcome to New York, and welcome to Mercury," the man said, shaking
hands with each of them in turn. "I'm Frank Sommers, currently in charge
here.  I've heard your stuff, I think you're good, and I want to apologize
to each of you for my predecessor making such a botch of promoting your
last album here in the States.  It was such a gold mine, I can't believe he
screwed the pooch that bad."

     There was a moment of silence as they digested what the man in front
of them just said and they all cracked up laughing.  Frank blinked, then
thought about what he said before grinning along with them.  "Guess you're
not used to people speaking frankly?"

     "Not with our record label, sir." Ronan said, being the first to
recover.  "But thank you for the compliment."

     "Well, Missy will tell you I'm not one to mince words much.  Come in,
sit down and let's talk.  I know you just came off a long flight, but I
wanted to meet with you before you go off up into White Plains for a
while."  Frank gestured to the sofa and they all sat down.  He offered them
drinks, and they gratefully accepted coffee, which a woman brought in for
them as they talked.  Frank went on about the good things he had been
hearing from his counterparts in England, and how he had heard some of the
tracks they had been working on so far.

     After a while, when Missy noticed that they had all begun to droop,
she cleared her throat and tapped meaningfully at her watch.  Her boss
stared at her a moment before realising what she meant and apologised for
keeping them so long.

     "I'm sure you all want to crash.  We've got this beautiful placed
lined up for you.  I also asked that they put Ramone at your disposal while
you're here, so don't worry if you need to come down into the city.  While
the Loft is a great place to record, it's pretty dead out there in the
sticks and I'm sure you'll all want to blow some steam down here in the
city.  Feel free to do so, just don't break anything!" He laughed at his
own joke and they smiled along with him.  "Okay, Missy, lead them out.  I'm
sure we'll be talking again some time in the future."

     Missy led the way back down to the limo, which was still waiting where
they left it. Mark was leaning against the side of the car chatting with
their driver.  She told them that Ramone would bring them to the hotel
where they'd be staying, and that if they needed anything, to let him know
and she'd help them out.  It was with relief that they all piled back in
the car and let the driver take them out of the city and to their hotel.

     They drove north out of the city and into the suburbs, finally
reaching their destination just outside Bronxville where their hotel was.
Ramone helped them with their baggage and they were relieved to find out
that they didn't need to check in at all, that Mark had sorted it all out
while he had been waiting and had handled it for them.  All they had to do
was to make their way to their rooms and settle down for the night.  They
met for a quiet meal together in the relatively empty hotel restaurant,
none of them talking much.

     "You know, this would be a great place to have Lisa come over and stay
for a holiday.  What do you think?" Keith asked, looking around the table.
They nodded, and Ronan perked up, mentioning it wouldn't be a bad idea to
have people come over once the bulk of their recording was done.

     "What about you, Steo?  Think your..." he glanced off to the side
where Mark was sitting at the end of the table talking on his mobile before
lowering his voice. "Think your fella would be able to come over for a
short break?" Ronan asked, turning to his friend.  Stephen shook his head
regretfully and busied himself with finishing up the last of his dessert.
He hadn't mentioned his conversation with Louis in Dublin to any of them
and thought that he had been pretty good at hiding how he felt to the rest
of them.  It had helped that Eloy had called and that they were back in
touch again.  He didn't feel quite so lonely, knowing that Eloy was out
there, feeling pretty much the same way.

    "He's on tour right now," Stephen said, stirring his coffee. "I don't
think he'd be able to make it."

    "Sorry to hear that," Ronan said, looking intently at his friend.  He
knew there was something going on there, but didn't know how to approach
the problem, since Stephen wasn't willing to talk about it.  He also knew
he couldn't be there to help his friend all the time, but it bothered him
to see Stephen looking unhappy.  "Well, maybe once we're done here, he can
take a break and come over."

     "Maybe," Stephen said, nodding.  He knew he wouldn't even ask, because
there was no way it would happen, but he didn't share that with his band
mates.

    "There's always Disney," Keith said, slanting a glance at the younger
man. That elicited a grin from his friend and he suggested that if not
Stephen's fella, maybe someone like Alex could come along to join the
party.  Stephen shrugged and the conversation drifted onto the next day and
what they could expect that this studio they were going to.  Eventually,
they all decided to head up to their rooms and crash for the night.

    In the elevator Ronan made a decision, and followed Stephen into his
room.  Stephen blinked in surprise as Ronan walked in with him, and he held
the door open for his friend to enter.

     "I thought you were headed to bed," he said, watching Ronan close the
door behind them.

     "I am.  But I wanted to talk to you for a moment," Ronan said,
brushing his hair out of his face.  It was still long, and he was in the
habit of pushing it back.

     "Sure, what's up?" Stephen said, dropping down onto the chair next to
the table.  There wasn't much in way of furniture in the room.  His
suitcase had been left in the middle of the room and Ronan moved around it
to sit on the end of the bed, facing Stephen.

     "Well, just wanted to know how things were going with you and your
fella.  We haven't had a chance to talk much with everything going on, but
I thought I'd check in and see if everything was all right." Ronan said,
leaning back on his hands and looking at his friend.

     "Yeah, fine." Stephen said.  He smiled, looking at his
friend. "Great."

     "Yeah?" Ronan asked, looking at his friend intently.  "How was your
holiday with Eloy, then?"

     Stephen thought back to his trip to Amsterdam and smiled. "It was
grand, Ro.  I met his family, and we all got along fantastically. His
sister is a lot like Michelle, in fact."  He rolled his eyes and Ronan
laughed.  He knew how sometimes his friend chafed under his older sister's
bossiness sometimes.  "But she's really sweet, as is his mam. I had a good
time."  He smiled as he focused on the weekend he had spent there, not
spending any thoughts of regret on the time they had planned that they had
had to cancel.

     "So, it's going well?" Ronan asked, still probing. Stephen nodded, not
wanting to say anything more, and then he switched the topic by asking
Ronan about Yvonne and how that was going.  Ronan took the bait and went on
about how fantastic she was, and how well it was going.  Once he felt
satisfied that things were okay with his friend, he left for his room,
bidding him goodnight.

     Stephen stayed where he was for a few moments, wondering if he should
have told Ronan what Louis had said to him.  He shook his head, not wanting
to burden his friend with that problem.  It was his own problem to deal
with, and he was working on it the only way he knew how.  While it wasn't
the most satisfactory solution, he knew that perhaps with time, he and Eloy
could find a way to get back together again.  He went to his suitcase,
opening it up on the floor and pulling his clothes out.  Hanging them up,
he unpacked and put his stuff around the room so it wouldn't feel so empty.
Afterwards, he washed up and headed to bed, the long day taking its toll.


# # #


    Their days in the studio flew by as they worked on several of the songs
they had brought with them.  Working with the producing team of Carl
Sturken and Evan Rogers gave them a different feel to the music, and as
they laid down the tracks, they found themselves enjoying themselves in the
studio.  Carl listened to their ideas and was happy to let them experiment,
trying each in the mix as they went on.  They also went over some of the
songs they had done in London, doing alternate recordings of One Kiss at a
Time just for the fun of it.  As the days went on, they worked on track
after track, not sure which ones would make the record, but having fun in
the process.

     Each night they would go back to their hotel briefly before cajoling
Ramone into taking them into the city, where they would go hang out with
Ronan's brother at the local pub or go around the city, safe in their
anonymity and enjoying it.  As they started to wrap up their recording
sessions, they talked more about having their mates over for a holiday.
Mikey decided to head back to Ireland since Sharon wasn't up for traveling
and he wanted to go back home and see Hannah. Mark decided it was long past
time that he headed back to work, and since the lads were off for a
holiday, he thought it best if he flew out with Mikey.

     The day after they flew out, they were sitting around the bar at the
hotel, relaxing now that they were finished with their recording sessions.
Keith was eagerly awaiting Lisa's arrival the next day and they had found
out that Alex was already in the States and arranged to meet up with
them. Yvonne was also flying in and as they sat down at their table, they
discussed some of the things they wanted to do while they had the time.

     "Lads, I was thinking of something." Keith said, looking around the
table at his friends.  When the waited for him to continue, he looked down,
toying with the paper napkin under his glass. "Mark and I had a long talk
last night when we were out, and he made a suggestion that I think is a
good idea.  Well, you know that Lisa has a thing for Elvis, right?"  They
nodded and he paused before continuing.  "Well, if we go to Vegas, you
think I should ask her to marry me in the chapel that Elvis got married
in?"

     Stephen broke out into a big grin as Ronan nodded, slapping his friend
in the back.  "Absolutely!" they said in unison, giving each other a grin
as they said the same thing.

     "Do it," Stephen said, raising his glass to Keith, who matched him
with a grin.  Ronan added his and they all toasted Keith's idea. "I think
it would stun her.  Poor gal has been waiting so long for you to actually
do it, that I bet she'll faint when you actually pop the question!"

     "Keet, it would be the best thing you will ever do in your life,"
Ronan said.  "I know it was for me."  A shadow passed over his face briefly
as he thought of his wife still in Ireland.  He had wanted her to come over
with him, but between his recording schedule and her modelling schedule she
hadn't been able to take the time off for a holiday.  He had been bouncing
off the walls all week once he found out she was going to be able to come
over, and Stephen could see that although his wedding seemed to be spur of
the moment, he was really was attached to her.  "Next, we'll get Stephen's
fella over so he can be part of the group and we'll all be set, right?"  He
grinned at his band mate and Stephen smiled at his enthusiasm.

     "I don't think I'm ready to let you lot at him, though!" Stephen said,
the alcohol he had been drinking with his friends letting him speak a bit
more freely than he normally would.

     "That's probably true," Keith said, nodding as he teased his
friend. "Besides, we'd never get to see him because you two would be too
busy shagging like bunnies in your room!"

     Ronan watched the blush spread across Stephen's face at Keith's
comment and cracked up laughing.  Several of the regulars in the bar turned
around to look at them, but they were used to their high jinks and just
turned back to their drinks.  "Can you really blame them, Keet? It's not
like they've had any time together over the last few months." Keith nodded
in sympathy, but still smiling at his joke.  Ronan looked over at his
friend who by this point had his face buried beneath his hands.  "Poor
Steo."

     At that moment, Stephen wished himself anywhere else but at the table
with his friends.  Since the moment they knew he was sweet on Eloy, they
had taken to teasing him about his relationship.  But what had started out
as good natured joking had taken on a painful quality once he had made the
decision to break things off with Eloy for a time.  It did tighten his
resolve not to say anything though.  He knew that they'd feel awful about
it once they did know.  Most of the time he didn't mind, but at times when
the others were looking forward to seeing their loved ones, he found that
there was an empty hole in his heart left by Eloy's absence that he
couldn't fill.  He tried to think of some way to change the conversation
and drained his drink, getting up to get them another round.

     He could still hear their laughter behind him, but thankfully in the
dim interior he didn't think anyone else would notice his face.  He asked
the barman for another round, and took the drinks back to their table.  By
the time he got back, Ronan and Keith were watching the television and
making comments about the sports in America.  It was a nice safe topic and
for once he was glad that they were talking soccer. It kept their minds off
of him, for which he was extremely grateful.

     Ronan's mobile chimed and he answered the call.  From the way he was
talking, Stephen knew he was chatting to his brother. It sounded like Gar
wanted them to come down to the city for one last night out before the
women came in.

     "How about it, lads?  Up for a nip down into the city for a bit of a
laugh?" Ro asked his friends.  Keith was all for it, and although Stephen
would rather have just stayed in for the night, they cajoled him into
coming along with them.  They were used to Stephen trying to bow out of
their nights out and this night they weren't going to let him.  He spent
too much time brooding on his own as it was.

     Rather than bother to call Ramone, whom they have given the night off,
they took the commuter rail down into the city, enjoying the novelty of
getting on a train and having fun without any minders for a change.  They
were acting like kids once they reached Grand Central Station and a few
people stopped to stare at them as they left the station and out onto 42nd
St.

     "All right, where to?" Keith asked, looking up and down the street,
totally at a loss.

     "Gar said that he'd meet us at that bar in Times Square," Ronan said,
looking at his watch and seeing that they had plenty of time.  "This way."
He had a Mets cap on and adjusted it as he beckoned for Keith and Stephen
to follow him.  Stephen put his hands in his jeans jacket and followed
behind them.  Occasionally they had to wait for him when looking in the
windows of the stores distracted him, but they were pretty indulgent of him
for the most part.  They made their way up 5Th Ave, finally reaching the
busy intersection known as Times Square.  Stephen almost winced at the
horns blaring as drivers impatiently waited for lights to change and
pedestrians to cross the road.

    Keith stopped in a newsstand for a pack of cigarettes and Stephen poked
around the magazines to see if there was anything interesting.  It was one
of those stands that carried newspapers and foreign magazines, so he looked
through the stacks to see if there was anything that he might want.  Most
of the selection was stuff he had seen before.  He looked back down the
isle and saw that Keith had struck up a conversation with the shopkeeper
and Ronan was looking through a copy of the Irish Times.  Probably checking
the sports scores, Stephen thought to himself.  He wandered around the
corner and found himself in a section that was clearly Scandinavian,
judging by the proliferation of blondes on the front pages of the magazines
as well as the change in language.  The next bin held German magazines, and
he saw a couple that he recognised from posing for the teen magazines
there.  Idly, he picked up an issue and flipped through it, not really
seeing anyone he knew.  As he picked up another magazine, he knew that he
was looking for something about Eloy's band, just to see if they were doing
anything.  It wasn't until he got to a gossip magazine that looked a lot
like Hello! that he found something about Caught in the Act.

    He couldn't read the captions at all, but apparently they had been at
some party.  Stephen recognised Eloy's band mate Lee, standing with his arm
draped around some pretty girl.  He flipped through the pages, looking for
a picture of Eloy.  He almost missed it at first, because Eloy was in the
midst of a large group of people, all laughing at the camera.  They had
their arms around each other like they had been drinking and singing, or
something like that.  Eloy stood at the edge, a drink in one hand and a
cigarette in another.  He was looking down at someone beside him and as
Stephen peered at the picture in the dim shop, he felt himself grow cold.
The person standing next to Eloy in the picture was his ex, Carlo.  As
Stephen looked at the image, he started to imagine some sort of intimate
look passing between the two and he got a sick feeling at the pit of his
stomach.  Closing his eyes, he tried to think about it, but couldn't help
wonder if Eloy had finally given in to the repeated calls and letters that
Carlo had been leaving for him.

    Desperate to be proven wrong, he went back to the front of the
magazine, hoping against hope that it was an old issue that had been from
before they had broken up.  When he finally found the date, his heart sank.
The magazine date was only a few weeks old, and the date on the shop
sticker showed it had only arrived at the start of this week.  He put the
magazine back in the slot, sick with the thought that Eloy had gone back to
Carlo because he had broken things off.

    "Hey Steo!" Ronan said, grabbing his sleeve and tugging on it.  Stephen
shook himself out of his reverie, staring at his friend.  It was obvious
from Ronan's expression that he had been trying to get the attention of his
friend for some time and had been annoyed enough to finally walk down the
isle and pull on his arm. "Wake up, brother! We still have the night to
go."

    "Sorry, Ro, I was just lost in my thoughts for a moment. All set then?"
Stephen said, trying to control the churning in his stomach. He was
grateful that neither Ro nor Keith seemed to notice it, and he followed
them out of the newsstand, pausing only when Keith stopped to light a
cigarette.  Ro was intent on finding the bar that they were going to meet
his brother at, and he made sure that Stephen stayed closed to them.

    They ended up on a side street and down to an Irish pub that stood on
the seedier side of Times Square.  Stephen was glad for the dim interior as
they entered, as well as the fiddler playing in a corner.  That made
talking that much harder to do with the music playing.  Ronan spied his
brother at a table near the bar and walked over, Keith and Stephen trailing
behind him.  Keith made a detour to talk to the barman about getting a
round of drinks, and Stephen sat down opposite Gary and Ronan.

    "Hey Steve. How goes it?" Gary asked, smiling at his brother's friend.
Steve made the attempt to smile, which must have passed muster since
neither Gary nor Ro seemed to notice he wasn't in the best of moods.

    "Okay," he said softly, grateful for the interruption by Keith with a
couple of pints, which he dropped down on the table before heading back for
the rest.  Ronan took a long pull from his and sighed. Since Gar still had
a drink before him, Stephen pulled the pint of Guinness in front of him and
took a sip. He really wasn't a fan of drinking it normally, but he wasn't
going to make a point of asking for anything else.  And the good thing
about a pint is that one could make it last virtually forever, so he could
look like he was drinking and not get pushed into having anything else.

    Keith came back with a pint for himself, and another for Gary.  Gary
smiled in appreciation, downing the last of his drink and pulling the new
glass closer.  "Thanks, mate."

    "No problem," Keith said with a grin. Gary and Ronan immediately got
into a conversation about the soccer game that Ronan had read about in the
Times, and Stephen was content to sit back, nursing his pint.  After a few
moments he looked over to see that Keith was watching him intently.  He
attempted a smile, but knew he hadn't fooled Keith at all.  His friend put
an arm around his shoulders and leaned over so he could be heard over the
din of the pub.  "Everything all right?"

    "Yeah, fine," Stephen said, not wanting to say anything.  Keith looked
at him with a worried frown for a couple of moments.

    "Well, if you ever need to chat..." He trailed off, not knowing where
to go with what he wanted to say. Stephen nodded and smiled again to let
Keith know he appreciated the gesture.  But he wasn't about to go into what
had happened over the last couple of months, and he certainly wasn't going
to mention that he was concerned that Eloy was going to dump him.  It
wasn't the kind of conversation that one had with one's mates.  He thought
briefly about talking to Alex when they met up, but he shied away from that
thought, too.  He felt that if he said something, then it would make it
come true.  He knew that was silly, but he was in a turmoil of feeling
about it all.  On one hand, he desperately wanted to be with Eloy, and on
the other, knew it was impossible.

    When Ronan got up to get the next round, he pushed some money at him
and told him to get something better than a pint for him.  Ronan grinned,
and taking him at his word, got them all a round of Jack Daniels.  Stephen
knew he was getting morose, but he felt that if he got himself plastered,
then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.  He pushed aside the last of his
Guinness and pulled the shot glass towards him, taking a cautious sip,
despite himself.  The liquid burned a fiery trail down his throat, but left
a warmth behind that he found comforting.  He matched his two friends drink
for drink. They didn't think much of it, since he had done it in the past,
and while it wasn't something he did often, it wasn't rare enough to get
their attention.

     By the time the pub closed down, they were all pissed, giggling and
holding each other up as the barman chased them out of the pub.  It was
well after 3am and Keith's girlfriend's flight was getting in first thing
in the morning.  Gary talked them all into coming back to his place to
crash, since it didn't make any sense to leave the city only to return a
couple of hours later.

     Their trip across town was quiet, except for their laughter as
something tickled their fancy.  They didn't run into anyone, and the one
time they saw a police officer, they made certain that they took a side
street so they didn't get noticed.  Gary led them up the stairs of his
walkup and into his apartment.  It was pretty small, but they were only
concerned with a place to drop their heads for a few hours.  Ronan went
into the bedroom to share the bed with his brother and Gary pulled the sofa
sleeper out for Keith and Stephen.  Keith pulled his shirt and jeans off,
leaving just his briefs on. He fell back into the bed with a groan and was
immediately asleep.

      Stephen sat on the other side of the sofa sleeper bed and tried to
focus enough to get his shirt off. He wasn't feeling very coordinated at
the moment and spent a lot of time trying to get the buttons open before
giving up and just pulling the shirt off over his head.  He lay back down
next to his friend and shimmied out of his jeans, letting them pool down
into a pile on the floor.  He looked over at his band mate and saw that
Keith was out like a light, snoring softly. With a tired chuckle he reached
down and pulled up the battered blanket that Gar had left for them and
covering them both before rolling over onto his stomach and drifting off to
sleep.