Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2002 20:24:27
From: musicfan@indabox.com
Subject: Where Do We Go 51

Disclaimer:

   First of all, let me apologise for the delay in presenting this next
chapter.  My email site was being upgraded and I haven't been able to
access it since.  So I'm reverting back to an older email service which
now seems to be much more stable.  Unfortunately, if you've written to
the fiberia account, I have no way of accessing it at present.  So
please write to me at this indabox account.

   Chapter 51 is the next chapter in an ongoing story about Stephen
Gately from Boyzone and Eloy de Jong, formerly of Caught in the Act.  I
have no contact, with either gentleman or group, so these chapters
exist within the imagination of the author's mind, combined with public
events that happened during this time.

   Cheers,

   Musicfan


###



     A few days later, the group flew to Las Vegas, all having a great
time on the flight there.  The attendants were tolerant of their
antics, which was a good thing, considering the silly way they acted.
When they disembarked from the plane, the sun had just set, the desert
air beginning to chill.  They were relieved after the heat from New
York and set about checking into their hotel on the Las Vegas strip.
The group was amazed at the gaudy nature of the city, but fascinated at
the same time.  It was a far cry from anything they had ever seen in
either England or Ireland, and they were like kids in a store, gawking
from one sight to the next.

     Ronan had suggested that they pull out all the stops and book
themselves in a nice hotel.  When they had stopped by a travel agent in
New York, the woman there had suggested Caesars Palace as the place to
stay.  Ronan took her at her word and made sure they all had nice rooms
near each other when he booked their trip.  Stephen knew it was worth
it when he saw the girls' faces as they stepped out of the limousine at
the entrance to the hotel.   He grinned at Ronan who was watching his
wife walk around the lobby with delight as they headed over to the
registration desk.  It didn't take them long to get their room keys and
after declining the services of a bellhop, the clerk pointed out the
direction to the elevators, wishing them a pleasant stay.

    "Have you ever heard such noise?" Lisa asked, looking at the rest
of them as they walked past the entrance to the casino on their way to
the elevators.  The cacophony of bells, music and the clanging of the
slot machines echoed off the marble interior of the lobby.  "I think
Disney would be quieter!"   They laughed as they entered the lift for
their floor, nodding to other people who entered it with them.
Everyone else had gotten off at various floors before they found
themselves on the top floor.   Keith whistled softly as the doors
closed behind them.  It was fairly obvious to all of them how opulent
the hotel was, and how exclusive the floor they were on seemed to be.
A gentleman came from behind a desk, smiling politely and offering to
lead them to their suites.

     "Hello, and welcome to Caesar's Palace.  My name is David, and I
will be your concierge this evening.  If you would kindly follow me,
Mr. Keating, Mr. Duffy," he said softly while indicating the way. "I
also can show you to your suite, Mr. Gately and Mr. Delves."  Stephen
had to look away because the look on everyone's faces was priceless.
Seeing Alex's look of pure lust as he followed the man down the hallway
had him in hysterics, and he didn't want to be the one to make them
look any more out of place than they all felt already.

     Silently, they followed the concierge down the hall, each of them
marveling at something that grabbed their attention, whether it was the
elaborate friezes above in the ceiling, the paintings which lined the
walls, or just the general atmosphere of understated wealth, it wasn't
anything any of them were used to experiencing.

      At the first door, the concierge opened the double doors with a
flourish and indicated the rooms within with a smile.  "Mr. Gately and
Mr. Delves?"  Stephen stepped forward with a nod, trying to make it
look like he came to places like this every day.  He was grateful that
the concierge didn't seem to think that their casual clothing was
anything out of place as the man handed him and Alex their room keys,
gesturing inside.

      "Thank you," Stephen said with a smile.  "We'll see the rest of
you later, yeah?"   They all nodded, unable to voice anything and he
and Alex entered their room, carrying their baggage with them.

      "Holy shit," Alex said after the door had closed behind them.
Stephen could only echo his words as they looked around the rooms
appointed to them.   Rooms as in plural, since they were in a small
entry hall that had other rooms leading off to either side.  In front
of them was a small living room with a massive television and stereo,
as well as a rather large table off to one side for entertaining.
Alex dropped his bag and walked across the room to look out the window.
"Wow."

      "What?" Stephen asked, putting his own bag down before joining
Alex at the window.  They looked out onto a complex of Roman grottos,
replete with waterfalls and gardens.  They could also see off in the
distance the stretch of desert.  Stephen turned back to the room and
shook his head.  "And this is the smaller of the suites, you know."

     "It is?" Alex asked in amazement.  "What the hell was Ronan
thinking?"

     "He figured we might as well enjoy ourselves," Stephen said
absently, poking around the room before opening up a door and seeing
where it led.  One room opened to a large gilded bathroom with a shower
and separate Jacuzzi tub.  Stephen stared at the tub for a long moment,
drawn back to the last time he had been in a room with one before
turning away with a small sigh and checking out the other room.   It
was a large bedroom with two queen beds, a television and chairs by the
large window.  "Not too bad," he said, happy it wasn't so big that they
were going to rattle around in it together.

     Alex joined him and they explored the closets and amenities before
hearing a knock on their door.  Alex opened it to reveal a grinning
Ronan, who entered and closed the door behind him.

     "Yve's in shock," he crowed, rubbing his hands together.  "This is
going to be perfect!"  He looked around their room to see what it
looked like.  "This isn't too bad, actually.  I think I overdid it with
the other rooms, though."

     "How, may one ask, can you overdo this?" Alex asked dryly as he
pointed to a naked cherub sitting on a pedestal near the doorway.
Stephen laughed in response as he sat down on the sofa.

     "Check out my suite later, once Yvonne's recovered from the
shock," Ronan said with a laugh as he made his way to sit down next to
Stephen.  "What do you think, Steo?  Think we can pull this one off?"

     "Absolutely," Stephen affirmed, nodding his head. Ronan grinning
and threw an arm around Stephen's shoulders, hugging him lightly. "This
will be perfect."

      A little while later, Yvonne showed up to look around their suite
and then dragged Alex and Stephen back to her and Ronan's suite to show
them around.  It was much more opulent than the one they had, and the
luxurious setting they were all in amazed them.  Everyone agreed to
dress up for dinner and to find a nice place to go.  The others went
back to their own suites to freshen up and Stephen dragged his bag into
the bedroom to unpack.  He had several nice outfits to wear that he had
brought with him, and he started the shower in the bathroom so he could
hang the clothes there and get the wrinkles out.  Alex joined him,
hanging his own clothes on a hook there before saying he might as well
as not waste the water and that he was going to take a shower.  Stephen
went to the main room where he turned on the television and flipped
through the dials for a while.  Once Alex was finished, he took his own
leisurely shower, taking his time washing up.

    When he came out of the bathroom, Alex told him that Keith had
called to tell them what time to meet before heading downstairs, and
that they had reservations at a restaurant the concierge, David, had
recommended.  Alex also told him that his mobile had been ringing while
he was in the shower, and that it had taken all of his will power not
to answer it.   Stephen laughed as he crossed the room and picked up
his mobile.  He was glad that he had the international service so he
could switch modes depending on what area of the world he was in.  It
made him feel better to know that his family could reach him if they
needed to, especially where he was on the road so much.   He checked
his messages and started to brush his hair as he got ready to dress.
He paused in the act as he heard Eloy's voice on one of the messages.
Eloy didn't say much other than to hope he was having a good time and
that he would be hard to reach himself over the next few days as his
group went on a fast paced tour through Asia.  Stephen replayed the
message again, just wanting to hear Eloy's voice again.  He stifled a
sigh as he shut off the mobile, feeling like Eloy was even farther away
than ever.  He knew Alex was watching him, so he made an effort not to
appear down as he put down the phone.

    "Anyone interesting?" Alex asked, watching him from across the
room.

     "They're all interesting, if they're calling me," Stephen said
noncommittally as he rubbed the towel over his head to dry it off.
"Just the usual."

     "Mmmm, I see," Alex said as he turned away and went to get their
clothes out of the bathroom.  He laid Stephen's dress pants and shirt
out on the bed before putting his own on, primping at the mirror to
make sure everything was right.  Stephen shook his head ruefully,
knowing it was going to be hard to keep anything from Alex with the two
of them spending so much time together.

      However, apparently Alex knew when to hold off, because he didn't
say another word as they got ready for dinner. Stephen was grateful for
the respite.  They left their suite, meeting up with the others and
went out for a night on the town.  Their first stop was the the MGM
Grand Hotel, which was the Wolfgang Puck restaurant.  They felt quite
posh walking past the queue and getting seated right away.  People
turned and stared at the well-dressed group and they all managed to
stay somewhat dignified as they followed the maitre'd through the
entrance and to their table.  The concierge had told them that it was a
very good restaurant and that this was the best out of them all in the
area. David had said that he had connections, so he was able to get
them a late dinner reservation.  They were appreciative of his efforts,
and had an enjoyable meal together at the restaurant.  Their waiter was
quite attentive, making sure that their every need was met and they had
a nice leisurely dinner together.  After their meal, they decided to
wander around the shops in the hotel before heading onto the casino
floor for a little fun.  Stephen especially had a wonderful time.  He
loved the bright lights and all the action of the casino, wanting to
play each of the games, though his cautious nature wouldn't allow him
to drop too much money at any one game.

    The group split up as the girls wanted to play the slot machines
while Ronan and Stephen were interested in the blackjack tables.  Both
Ronan and Stephen had a grand time enjoying the attentions of the
waitresses who were serving drinks as they played, but they had agreed
ahead of time to stop once they had spent what they were going to spend
and they left the table to find the others.

     When they finally met up, Alex had left them for the lure of a
nightclub and both women were sitting down at a table with their drinks
watching the people go by.  Keith had wandered over to a craps table
and they could hear him shouting as he shook the dice and tossed them,
hoping for a win.   The excited squeal coming from one end told them
the result as Keith took a bow. Ronan eventually wandered over to see
how he was doing, and after a while persuaded him to leave the table
and come back to the rest of the group.

     By this time the rest of them were dragging, having had the long
flight and equally long night out together.  They agreed that there
would be another night that they could go out and decided to head back
to their hotel.

     "What about Alex?" Lisa asked, looking around to see what
nightclub he might have went off to.

     "Alex is a grown lad, he can find his way back home," Stephen said
dryly.  He knew that the last thing Alex would want is the group of
them trouping around looking for him.  Lisa looked at him pensively for
a moment before smiling in acknowledgement and nodding.  Together they
made their way out of the casino and caught a taxicab back to their
hotel for the night.  They were all pretty subdued as they made their
way into the hotel and up to their floor, the late hour finally
catching up with them.

    At the door to his suite, Stephen bid everyone goodnight and headed
into the room, closing the door with a sigh.  While he had had a lot of
fun, he found that he was getting a headache from the noise of the slot
machines that were constantly ringing in the background.  It was a
blessed relief to be in the relative quiet of the suite by himself. He
pulled off his jacket and tie, loosening his shirt and wandered around,
slowly hanging up his clothes as he disrobed.  He was more than ready
for bed by the time he finished and paused at the bar to get a bottle
of water before heading off to bed.

     He stopped when he saw his mobile on the table and considered
leaving a message for Eloy.  He started to turn away but moved back and
picked the mobile up.  Dialing in the number he knew by heart, he
calculated the time difference and realised that it was already the
next morning there.

     When the machine picked up, Stephen decided to leave a message for
the next time Eloy checked it.

     "Hey, E. Sorry I missed you.  I was in the shower earlier, but I
wanted to leave you a message in case you haven't left yet for your
road trip.  We're here in Las Vegas now, and so far it's been
absolutely incredible.  I wish you could be here to share it with me.
I have this incredible Jacuzzi tub and no one I want to share it with
here."  Stephen paused for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "In
case you do get this, have a wonderful tour.  I hope it goes well for
you and that you don't tire yourself out too much.  Take care of
yourself and get enough rest.  I know how bad the time change can be.
Anyhow, I better go, it's late here.  Talk to you soon."  He quietly
powered down the mobile, wanting to say so much more and forcing
himself not to.  It wouldn't do to start up things again where they
were both constantly frustrated.  Despite what Alex had told him, he
knew that he was doing the best thing possible for them all.

     He put the mobile in the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed
and crawled under the covers after shutting off the light.  He lay in
the dark, staring up at the ceiling as he imagined a life where he and
Eloy could be free to spend time together without worries.  He thought
back to the evening just passed, as well as the past week in New York,
wondering what it would have been like to have Eloy by his side to plan
Keith's proposal rather than Alex.  The idea of a future like he
imagined seemed to be an impossible dream, and he closed his eyes as he
felt tears forming.  He swore softly, knowing that there was no use in
crying, but he felt so trapped by the circumstances he found himself
that he wanted to cry out in anger at the role he had to play.  It just
didn't seem fair that he couldn't live his life the way he wanted.
There were too many people who depended on him to hold his secret, even
when they urged him otherwise.

     He rolled over to his side, wrapping his arms around himself as he
lay there in the dark.  He willed his tears away, feeling there was no
need for them.  He had made his decision and he was going to stand by
it.  There was no place for a personal relationship of the kind he
wanted in his life, and he was just going to have to accept it as a
fact.  His body didn't obey his resolution and he could feel the
wetness of his tears flowing down his cheeks.  Deep down inside, he
knew that no matter how many times he told himself, that he wasn't
going to be satisfied with anything but a continuation of his
relationship with Eloy.  He loved him too much to turn away without
regrets.

     He ended up crying himself to sleep, glad that Alex hadn't come
back to the hotel room.  He knew he wouldn't have been able to hold it
back from him. He rolled over so that he was facing away from the door,
and slowly drifted off to sleep, his arms clutching empty air while he
imagined Eloy there beside him.

# # #

     It wasn't for several days that Eloy was able to check his
messages at home.  By that time he was in Jakarta after a long day of
promotion.  He had decided to check his messages just to see if anyone
had called and had had to replay Stephen's message a couple of times,
because he was just so tired, he kept on losing focus.  Though
Stephen's comment about having a Jacuzzi in his room and no one to
share it got his attention quickly enough.  The other messages were
from friends wishing him luck on his trip, and he quickly skipped past
them, all other messages being an anticlimax after Stephen's message.

     He hung up the receiver with a sigh, leaning back against the
headboard.  At times he felt like things were just impossible, then
Stephen would leave a message that made him realise that it wasn't.  He
knew that it was as equally hard on Stephen, if not more so.  Their
decision hadn't been made at all lightly, and he knew it was only a
matter of time until it broke.  They couldn't live like this, in denial
of what they had.  He knew that Stephen was in a constant fear of him
turning away from him, but he knew that such wasn't going to be the
case.  There was no way he could turn away from the incredible love he
had for Stephen, and that whatever it would take, he would be patient.
He also knew how impossible it was for either of them to contemplate a
serious relationship with them both heading off in different directions
the way they were.

     A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts, and he got
up to open the door.  Lee came in, complaining that he had no hot water
in his room, and wanted to use Eloy's shower.  Eloy told him he could,
and sat back on the bed again while Lee went in to use the bathroom.
He got lost in his thoughts again, not noticing when the water got shut
off, or when Lee came out with a towel wrapped around his narrow waist.
It wasn't until he felt motion on the bed as Lee sat down beside him
that he was pulled out of his reverie and he looked over at his friend.

     "E, you look like you're a long way from here," Lee said, looking
at his friend closely.  He knew that Eloy had been distracted a lot
lately, but he had acted like it was totally out of it when Lee had
entered the room earlier, and hadn't even noticed when he had come out
of the shower.

     "Do I?" Eloy asked vaguely, not noticing Lee's penetrating look.
"I was just thinking of something, is all."

     "That something wouldn't be that man you're interested in, would
it?" Lee asked, tossing caution to the wind.  He knew that Eloy didn't
have anyone to talk to about things going on in his life, and E had
certainly been there for him when he was going through his own problems
earlier this year.  He felt he owed it to his friend to lend him a
shoulder if he needed it.

     Eloy turned to look at him after he asked his question. "Why would
you say that?"

     "Let's see, we've been going non stop for... how long has it been
now? When was the last time you got to spend any time with your
friend?"  Lee stared at him a moment, nodding as he saw Eloy drop his
gaze. "It's not the most ideal environment to have a relationship, E.
It can be a lonely place, keeping yourself apart on the road. I just
want you to know that if you need someone to lend an ear, that I'm here
for you."

     Eloy sighed, knowing that Lee had read him correctly. "You know
how it can be.  It doesn't help he has his own career that is keeping
him busy, either.  I think if it were just me, we could work around the
problems. But with two schedules going in different directions..." Eloy
looked up from where he was toying with a pulled thread on the duvet.
"Sometimes it feels impossible."

     "If you're meant to have a relationship, it will happen.  If not,
then perhaps maybe you should take the obstacles as a sign that it
isn't supposed to happen," Lee ventured softly. Eloy looked at him,
stricken by the echo of the same thought that had been going through
his own mind.  "The question is, how long can you go on being patient?"

     Eloy thought about the question that had been plaguing him.
Spoken by someone else, it was one he couldn't avoid. "As long as I
have to," he said, knowing in his heart that what he said was true.

     Lee smiled at him then.  "Well then, don't dwell on it, then. You
know that the two of you being together isn't going to happen in the
nearby future. Don't let it eat at you, then. Just accept it, and when
the time is right, you'll know."

      Eloy returned his smile. "When did you get to be so wise about
love?" Lee laughed at his question, shrugging his answer.  Happy he had
gotten Eloy to think about it, he again offered to be a listening ear
if Eloy needed it, and then announced that he was going to get dressed
and then drag Eloy downstairs for dinner.  He told Eloy he had better
be ready, and he wasn't going to allow for him getting lost in thought
about things.  Eloy laughingly agreed, getting off the bed to take a
shower as Lee went into the room next door to change.

      He felt strangely good about their conversation. Though it was
nothing in particular that Lee said, it just helped him get things back
into perspective.  He thought about telling his friend about what had
been going on, but didn't want to burden him with stuff like that.  Lee
had his own worries.

     He was ready to go when Lee knocked on the door again, just
finishing adding some gel to his hair.  He opened the door and stepped
outside, patting his pocket to make sure that his key was there.
Though one of their security would be able to let him in if he forgot.
Patrick was his constant shadow on this tour, and he knew that the
other man was watching out for him.

     "All set?" Lee asked. Eloy nodded, falling into step next to his
friend as they made their way downstairs to the dining room of the
lavish hotel.  After so many weeks on tour together, they tended to
gravitate into groups of two, with Ben and Bas off on their own for
most of the time.  Eloy and Lee didn't mind, as they were happy enough
being out with the fans.  Ben was more often joining them than not, but
Bas tended to get very insular on tour, hiding away in his room.  Eloy
didn't see the point in that, because the whole point of getting out
there on tour was to be seen by people.  He really enjoyed meeting all
their fans, no matter where they went, and his remarkable memory for
languages also extended to names and faces, and fans were always
shocked when he could talk to them, remembering their names from the
last trip. He knew he often got looks of amazement from his band mates
when he did this, and he also knew how much it meant to the fans he did
call out by name.

      They spent a nice evening in the hotel restaurant, moving out to
the lobby afterwards to chat with the fans that had respected their
privacy during dinner.  By the time they went back up to their rooms
for the night, Eloy felt back on track with what was going on in his
life, and he made the resolution that he was going to keep on going the
way he had been.  Lee was right.  Eventually, it would work out.  And
being halfway around the world from Stephen right now wasn't something
he had any control over. No use in dwelling on it at all.

      He let himself into his room and went to bed, knowing they had an
early start coming up the next morning.  Briefly, he considered ringing
Stephen, but knew that it would be just more of their constant phone
tag of messages.  He decided to let things be, at least for now.

     As he lay back in his bed, arms behind his head, he stared up at
the ceiling for a long moment replaying Stephen's message in his head.
With a smile as he thought of their last encounter in a Jacuzzi, he
rolled over and drifted off to sleep.