Date: Sat, 1 Jul 2006 23:47:47 -0700
From: christopher. <christopherrluu@gmail.com>
Subject: breaking through part 24

Usual disclaimers apply: this is fiction, don't read this if you're not
allowed to where you are, this doesn't reflect or imply anything about the
real people these characters are based on.

Author's Note: First and foremost, thanks to all the readers, new and old,
that have taken the time to get messages to me.  It's been great getting to
know everyone.  If you want to send me anything: messages, complaints,
ideas, suggestions, continuity errors, etc., send an e-mail to
christopherrluu@gmail.com.  Second, I want to let you all know that there
won't be another chapter until after the end of July.  I'm going to be out
of my country, out of my continent, trekking through Asia in an attempt to
do some soul-searching.  The story isn't over, not by a long shot.  So if I
don't get back to your messages, I'm not ignoring you, I'm slapping
mosquitoes halfway across the globe.  Thanks for reading

Part XXIV

     Chris pulled off his t-shirt and slipped back into bed, his hand
sliding over Jake's chest, soft downy hairs under his fingertips.  His leg
slid up between Jake's as his lips grazed his neck, "Anything worth reading
today?"

     "This is last week's paper," Jake said, smiling, "grabbed the wrong
one without my contacts in earlier."

     "I'll get it for you," Chris said, but Jake pulled him back down,
"they're going to want us to get out of bed."

     "You fed them, they can fend for themselves from there," Jake said as
he kissed the top of Chris' head.

     Chris closed his eyes, Jake's fingers running through his hair as he
turned the page of the newspaper.  "It's miserable outside.  Hot an humid."

     "They should be used to it, they're from New York," Jake didn't take
his eyes off the newspaper, the old news still keeping his attention; it
was still news to him.  Their suitcases were still out, neither of them
taking the time to unpack since Maggie and Peter were there with them,
forcing Chris to clean up the guestroom, Jake's surfboard leaning against
the side of the house, Chris', used just once or twice, was there too,
right next to their bikes.  Maggie said it wasn't a big deal to sleep near
neglected sports equipment, but Chris couldn't not clear out the room and
put new sheets on his old bed; Maggie went as far as putting candles out
and buying little bottles of soap and shampoo every time he stayed the
night at her place in New York.

     "I live here and I'm not used to it," Chris said, settling against
Jake's body, "but we should get out, we can do this when they're out of
here."

     "They'll come get us if they need us," Jake said, hand lazily stroking
Chris' back.

     "We need you now," Maggie said, leaning against the doorframe, "you're
not coming out for breakfast?"

     "We can just join then, can't we?" Peter said, the bagels and coffee
that Chris had bought earlier in his hands.  He was shirtless, Chris
noticing his chest, covered in light brown hair just like Jake's, not as
toned as either of theirs, but he didn't have a reason anymore.  Maggie
wrapped her arms around his, leaning her head on his shoulder.  He was
handsome, loved Maggie so much, and was a sort of big brother to both Jake
and Chris.  Chris really liked it, but he knew it sort of bugged Jake at
first, Maggie's time becoming separated not only between him and work, but
with him, Peter, and work.  It was better now, and Chris was glad whenever
he was around, the quiet strength giving him a sort of comfort that he
didn't know how to describe.  He pulled Maggie closer against him, eyes
still sleepy.  Jake cocked an eyebrow.

     Maggie stepped forward and settled herself at the foot of the bed,
smoothing the sheets as she waved Peter over.  The bed shifted as he sat
down, taking an offered half of a bagel and sipping his coffee.  Chris
scooted up, back against the headboard beside Jake, his head leaning on
Jake' shoulder as he nibbled on his sesame bagel, placing his coffee cup on
the nightstand.  "This isn't how I imagined family bonding," Chris said,
handing Jake a bagel of his own.

     "Take it where you can get it," Maggie said, pointing at him with her
bagel, "with Jake working soon and us in New York, there isn't much time
for it."

     Jake shot Maggie a reprimanding look, "I don't know what I'm doing,
don't give him ideas."

     "I'm just saying, not every movie is going to be as accommodating for
the two of you.  You could be shooting in the middle of nowhere."

     "No wonder you guys can stay in bed all day," Peter said, lightening
the mood.  His eyes were fixed on the window, the thin gauzy curtains
filtering the morning light, but they were still so sheer that they could
all see the beach, the blue water and white foam splashing up against the
pale sand.

     "I'll take you down," Chris said, "I wanted to get some more use out
of my board.  You can use Jake's."  Peter's eye lit up, he hadn't had a
chance to surf for a long time, living in New York wasn't conducive to
water sports.

     "Don't kill yourselves out there," Maggie said, kissing Peter softly
on the cheek, "and be good, both of you."

     "Let me get changed and we can head out," Chris said, untangling
himself from the sheets and Jake's arms, he pulled off his rings and set
them down on the nightstand as he got off the bed, "I can get you a pair of
Jake's shorts if you don't bring any."

***

     Maggie and Jake's eyes focused on the two rings on the table, two
bands that looked like one when Chris had them on his finger, the promise
held in the two circles bigger than anything they could touch or see.
"It's cute how he idolizes Peter," Maggie said, scooting up the bed to lean
on the headboard next to her brother.

     "He needed someone like that," Jake said, "I guess I did, too.  He
needed someone like you, too.  Now he's got a big brother and a big sister.
He's set for life."

     "He needed you more than he needed either of us," Maggie said, eyes
peeled for Chris and Peter on the sand.  She could almost make them out,
Chris' blue shorts bright against the sand.  "There's a lot to say about
what you two have done for each other.  The way you've changed him is
pretty obvious, but I can tell he's changed you too."

     Jake didn't say anything, looking at the newspaper but not taking any
of it in, Maggie's words spinning in his head.

     "For the better," Maggie said, hand on his shoulder, "you've opened up
to what you want.  You know how hard it is to keep someone you want.  You
know how easy it can get away."

     "I'm not letting him get away."

     "Good.  I don't want him going anywhere.  You're happier than I've
ever seen you."

     "I'm happier than I knew I could ever be," Jake said, "he's everything
I need, everything I'll ever need."

     "It's a good feeling, isn't it?"

     "The best," Jake said, a smile spreading across his lips.  He couldn't
remember ever being happier.  His eyes were fixed on the window, watching
tiny Chris and tiny Peter splashing in the water.  Neither really knew what
they were doing, but it was obvious they were having fun, "is it always
going to be like this?"

     "If you found the right one, it'll be like this forever."

     "You haven't been married long enough to say things like that."

     "Mom told me that the day I got married," Maggie said, "I'll never
forget it."

***

     Chris stuck the tail of his surfboard into the sand, not caring if it
was going to fall down or stand up, he was too tired and too beat-up to
care.  A second later, he was on the sand, eyes skyward and chest heaving
with heavy breaths.  Peter wasn't far from him, eyes squinting because of
the bright sunlight.  "Jesus Christ...that isn't as easy as it looks.
Ever."

     "I don't know why I have this board, all I do is fall off of it,"
Chris said, breathlessly covering his eyes with his hand.  He ran his other
hand over his side, traces of blood smearing on his skin.  The sand wasn't
going to help the scrape, but he hurt all over, the shower would take care
of it as soon as he could gather enough energy to trek over to it, "is
yours as bad as this?"

     "No, you really took that last one hard," Peter said, eyes scanning
his own body before looking over at Chris, "you're okay, right?"

     "I'll survive," Chris said, grimacing as he sat up.  There was a
reason that real surfers wore more than just shorts.  He brushed the hair
off of his forehead and brushed sand off of his arms.

     Peter watched the surfers float across the waves, slicing through the
white foam as they slid into shore without a misstep.  He and Chris had
been out for a good chunk of the morning and neither had managed to do much
other than wipe out and clumsily stumble off of their boards.  Chris felt
salty and sticky, the muggy weather and hazy sunlight not drying them off
fast enough.  He collapsed back onto the sand when he realized that it
would be a while before either of them caught their breath.  "What you did
up there, it was exactly what he needed," Peter said.

     "It was for us, not just him," Chris said, rolling his eyes as his
surfboard fell forward and landed flat on the sand with a thud, sand
scattering all around it, "I wanted it too."

     "But he needed to know it wasn't just him," Peter said, rolling over
so that the sun wasn't in his eyes.  His head rested on his arms as he
turned to face Chris, still on his back.

     "I really wanted it."

     "He was starting to feel like it was just something he wanted, he was
freaking out."

     Chris closed his eyes, remembering how tense Jake had been for a lot
of the San Francisco trip, how nervous he was that last morning.  "He's too
much," Chris said, "everything has to go right for him.  He has to chill
out sometimes.  He could have asked me in his pajamas and I would have said
yes."

     "He does it for the memories," Peter said, propping himself up onto
his elbows, "he can say that he asked at Golden Gate park, just as the fog
broke, tears in your eyes as he pulled the box out of his pocket."

     "Enough with the theatrics, Peter, I was there," Chris said, "we can
talk about it when I'm not scraped up and salty."

     "You're going to be scraped up and salty if you don't get your ass
up," Peter said, scrambling up to his feet and offering Chris a hand.
Chris groaned, biting his lip as he let Peter pull him up.

     "Jesus," Chris said, reaching for his board, "I never should have let
him talk me into getting this."

     "You didn't have one growing up?"

     "This isn't Saved By the Bell, I read books," Chris said, dragging it
behind him as he and Peter headed to the shower, "I didn't surf until Jake
got here.  I never even thought about it."  He let his board fall back onto
the sand near the shower, the freezing cold water sending a shiver through
his body as it washed the sand and salt off his tired body.

     "You're going to be okay, right?" Peter asked, watching as Chris let
out a gasp, rivulets of water dripping down his body.  He leaned forward,
letting the icy water soak his hair as he stood opposite Chris.  "Nothing
permanent?  I can't be the one who crippled you before the big day."

     "Big day?" Chris asked, shaking his head, "who knows how long that's
going to be.  If it's ever going to be.  The idea of it's enough for me.
We don't have to go through the motions."

     "This isn't about you anymore.  You're connected to each other.  You
have to talk about it."

     "I don't not want it," Chris said shutting off the water, "I just
don't think about it."

     "He does," Peter said, turning off his spigot.

     "Then I can't deny him," Chris said, "only I know he's going to take a
role soon and we won't have time.  He's getting antsy, you can tell just
looking at him."

     "Don't think about that right now.  Think about the two of you and
just forget about his work and your work."

     "I can't," Chris said, "every day I wake up and wonder how long it'll
be until he's gone for another two months, another three months, or even
longer.  Can they stretch movie production out longer?  In San Francisco,
it was like I didn't want the days to be over because it was the first time
neither of us were worried about it.  I mean I was only working part of the
time, the rest of it we were just...it was just me and him."

     "Let's get you back up there, clean you up."

     "You don't have to be a big brother all the time," Chris said,
grabbing his board and clutching it under his arm.

     "It's not something you get to turn on and off," Peter said, slapping
him heartily on the shoulder, "you're stuck with it."

***

     "No, no.  Don't even get started," Maggie said, running her fingers
over Chris' desk, "we're here to take a break, so you're taking a break
too."

     Chris gave her a weak smile before closing his laptop, "I wasn't going
to get into anything serious."

     "You don't know anything but serious," Maggie said, sitting down on
the couch.  She glanced around the studio the way everyone did when they
first came in.  It was weird, Chris had to admit, one wall a huge garage
door, the other a window that looked directly into the house.  Nothing but
books inside, it was a place Chris ran to all the time, a place he felt
safe and scared at the same time because anything could happen.

     "Is he going to make us dinner?  That'll get my mind off of anything."

     "Yeah," Maggie said, smiling, "he went to the supermarket."

     "And you're babysitting?"

     "Just put Peter down for the afternoon."  Chris smiled, glad that
Maggie was there with him, glad that she knew how to say exactly the right
thing at the right time, "This is his idea of a vacation, beer and
afternoon naps."

     "Jake and I take naps," Chris said, "it's an easy luxury."

     "He looked high and low for this horse thing," Maggie said, propping
her feet up on Chris' skin horse, "went crazy finding one that looked like
the pictures in the book."

     "I love it," Chris said, "it was the first time we were apart for more
than a day.  I missed him so much and there it was waiting for me."

     "It was one of my favorite books when I was little.  Jake didn't like
it so much, but he was just telling me how much he liked it."

     "My mom read it to me," Chris said, "I remember her telling me that my
toys could be real if I loved them enough."

     "Mom read it to me and Jake too, I think you brought it out of him,
you opened his eyes to things like that.  Simple things he didn't see
before."

     Chris wiped the dust from his bookshelves, Maggie smiling as she
watched him blush, "What's going on with my head?  He asked me to marry him
and I can't think of anything but how we're still going to be apart all the
time."

     "Granted it's not an ideal situation, it's what you've gotten yourself
into."

     "I'm not asking for a normal life," Chris said, "I know that's not
going to happen, but..."

     "He wants it too, Christopher, he wants it more than anything.  If he
could just wake up and spend the morning with you and the sudoku forever,
you couldn't make him happier.  But it's not how he is.  It's not how you
are either."

     "I'd stop for him.  If he wanted me to, I'd drop it all," Chris said,
his eyes settling on the picture he kept on his desk.

     "He wouldn't want that," Maggie said, getting up off the couch, "he
wants you to be happy and you're happy when you're writing."  She walked
around the desk, wrapping her arms around Chris' shoulders, "You guys have
been through this before."

     "It's different now, I got spoiled spending this much time with him,"
Chris said, "I can't go back to seeing him once a month for a weekend here
and there."

     "You can write anywhere.  You don't need this place."

     "I can't go with him everywhere, it's just not...I mean trailers and
production and cameramen, I just get in the way.  The last time I just, it
wasn't for me."

     "You'll get through it and when you see him up there on the screen,
it'll be worth it.  I know what it's like, shooting away from everything.
It's rough on both sides but you survive."  There was something comforting
in Maggie's tone, the way her words lilted into Chris' ear so that every
doubt vanished like magic even if they still weren't resolved.  He let out
a long sigh and Maggie gave his shoulder a squeeze, "You really have
changed."

***

     Jake sat back in his chair, glass of wine in his hand as he watched
Chris smile, his face blushing slightly as Peter described his "gnarly wipe
out" on the waves.  Jake smiled too, couldn't help it with the chuckles and
laughs all around the table.

     "And Jake's going to write the introduction to my book," Chris said,
setting down his fork and leaning back.  Jake didn't hear what had lead to
him saying it, but he did see Maggie turn her head, a look of surprise in
her eyes.

     "That's what you're doing to keep busy?"

     "No, it's not like that," Chris said, "it's a big deal.  Jake knows
that, we talked about it."

     "I'm not going to embarrass him," Jake said, "or myself."

     "Enough talk about work," Chris said, "this is still a vacation, even
if I'm at home."

     Maggie nodded, glad that the subject was dropped, "I'll clear the
table.  Grab another bottle of red though, we'll need it to keep us warm."

     "Just let me get my jacket before we go out there," Chris said,
pushing his chair back under the table.

     "Grab mine too, I think I left it in the office," Jake said, "the blue
one."

     Chris opened the door to the office, clicking on the bright lights as
he zipped up his hoodie, the soft fleece fluffy against his skin.  He saw a
huge stack of scripts on the floor by the trashcan, there were packages
coming all the time, so Chris wasn't surprised.  He pulled Jake's jacket
off of the chair and noticed a few more scripts on the desk, thick bound
stacks of paper.  He leaned over, a brand new Brave New World script on
top, a huge stamp on it, the words "revised" emblazoned in bright red ink.
He didn't know how new it was, but he didn't remember seeing that stamp on
the copy he'd read in San Francisco.  He lifted it, seeing an older copy
underneath, pages wrinkled and notes in the margins as he flipped through
it.  He shut it, straightening the stack as he rolled Jake's sweater up in
his hands.  He ignored the rest of the office, the mess everything was in,
coffee cups littering the desk that he should bring out, Jake's plant
clinging to life in the corner.  He didn't think that the revision would be
done so fast, didn't think that studios were so interested in Jake that
they'd literally cater to his every request.

     "Ready?" Jake asked, popping his head into the office, "I know it's a
mess, I just haven't had time to do anything."

     "No, I just was spacing out, sorry."

     "Too much wine?" Jake joked, smiling.  He pulled Chris into his arms,
nose nuzzling into the nape of Chris' neck, "They're already heading down."

     "I like it that they're here," Chris whispered, "I like that I get
free advice."

     "They care about you."

      "They care about you, too," Chris said, turning around and wrapping
his arms around Jake's chest.  Jake leaned down and gave him a light kiss,
"I love them, I love you, and I love right now."

     "I owe you a lot," Jake said, "more than I can ever say thank you
for."  Another kiss and Chris felt like he was melting into Jake's body,
their chests pressed together as he let Jake's sweater fall to the floor,
"I'm happier than I've ever been knowing that I have you."  Chris closed
his eyes, let his deep breaths fill with the smell of Jake's body.  If he
was going to go do that movie, do any movie, he would have to keep the
memories.  "They're waiting for us."

     "One more minute," Chris whispered, leaning into Jake's chest, feeling
his heartbeat, steady and strong, "I have to...I don't know, I just have
to."

     Jake's hand was warm as he pulled Chris down towards Maggie and Peter,
who'd already set up a table and cracked open the second bottle of wine for
the night, "Took you guys long enough," Peter said, handing both of them
glasses.

     "It's cold out tonight," Chris said, settling against Jake's chest.
He wrapped Jake's arms around him, pouring his wine into Jake's cup before
setting his empty glass into the sand near the blanket.

     Peter smiled, watching the two of them as he held Maggie tighter
against him.  They just fit together so well that he couldn't imagine Jake
with anyone else.  There was something about the way they looked at each
other, the way the talked to each other, there was a comfort and an ease
about it all, like they had all the time in the world to spend just holding
hands and being together.  They seemed to ignore the entire world when they
were together like that, their eyes fixed on the crashing waves as their
fingers tangled together.

     "It's like summer when we were younger," Maggie said, "and we'd sneak
out to go swimming at night.  Remember?"

     "We should take Chris to the other house, ask Mom and Dad if we can
have it for the weekend maybe."

     "You never offer to take me to the Hamptons," Peter joked, "I just get
dragged along for weddings.  See how lucky you are, Christopher?"

     Jake shushed Peter, smiling, "He's asleep.  Sometimes I think he's
dreaming more than living in the real world with us."

     "There's that one story he wrote about the nightmares.  He told me
that dreams are bittersweet.  They can turn from happy to scary without
warning and you can't do anything about it," Maggie said, "he's obsessed."

     "I'm taking the movie," Jake said, "and I don't know how to tell him."
His voice was soft and quiet as he let the words out.

     "What's the big deal?"

     "It's like one of his nightmares come true.  It's shooting in
Toronto," Jake's voice was soft, his fingers pushing Chris' bangs back off
his forehead, "it's a long shoot, it's everything he doesn't want."

     "Stop," Maggie said, "he'll survive.  Just make the movie and come
home.  He'll be waiting."

     Peter nodded, "He's got his own thing to distract him."

     "I'm not worried about him that much.  He won't like it, but he'll
deal.  I'm worried about me."

***

     Chris' stationary was old and yellowing, something he got from a
professor after graduation, but he still liked it, coveted every page and
envelope like it was sacred.  He didn't have that many occasions to write
on it, but Alec had send him letters on his stationary and Chris felt like
he had to return the favor.  He had a page laid out, his pen ready to
write, but he didn't have any idea what to say.  Jake was in the house, but
Chris couldn't see him as he looked over the grassy lawn into the picture
window.  He must have been in the office mulling over the new script.  He
hadn't asked Chris to re-read it, so he had no idea what he thought, what
he was going to do, or whether it was even a real big re-write.  For all he
knew, they just fixed the margins and made sure there were no spelling
errors.

     "Dear Alec," Chris said as he wrote the words on the paper.  It was a
start.  He glanced over his desk, next to the picture of Jake and him,
there was a stack of printouts, the six stories he wrote for Esquire in a
neat pile.  He hadn't asked Jake about how his introduction was going, and
he hadn't even started writing the two or three more stories that would
make it into the collection, but he was still anxious to get his dream
preoccupation into writing.

     "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your piece," Chris
wrote, his mind still half-heartedly thinking about the letter.  He
wondered if Jake was writing in the office.  Maybe a little talk about the
stories would help him and Jake.  Only he remembered how Jake had reacted
to the first story; he didn't want to remember, but as his eyes skimmed
over the story again, he couldn't help but see Jake's eyes, thin and
accusatory, his forehead furrowed, his hands tightened into fists.  It was
a good story, Chris thought, it had to be; it was the first of six, it had
to hold readers' attention and more than anything, it had to get Esquire
readers to want to read the next one.  It did the trick, Adrienne Miller,
the fiction editor, told him that his six issues had generated more letters
and more online discussion than any stories before.  Chris was glad, but it
only meant that he'd have to try even harder to get readers to buy this
book.  If they'd already read a few of the stories in the magazine, there
had to be something more to get them to pay the money for the book.

     He clicked the lid on his pen and set it down.  The letter could
wait--it was already overdue.  He reached for a notebook, corners crushed
from being toted around San Francisco for over a week, but he didn't touch
it.  If he got started, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop.  Jake was
between projects and he felt like they were losing time every minute they
spent apart.

    The lawn felt warm under his feet, the blades of grass tickling his
toes as he walked across, stopping just one second to look out to the
water, the blue waves looked just like they should, white foam crashing
onto the sand just like a postcard.  He'd never be able to leave this, day
after day of constant sunshine, occasional rain a pleasant change from the
sun during spring, and cool nights during the winter.  There was no place
on Earth like this, nowhere else he'd ever feel at home.  His thin t-shirt
blew in the cool breeze as he slid the backdoor open, the quiet skimming of
it silencing the sounds of the outside world as he walked towards the
office, the steady clicking of typing audible from the hallway.

     "Busy?" Chris asked as he walked in, kicking aside Jake's sneakers, "I
need a break from my studio."  He didn't know what else to say, after all,
he wasn't getting much work done.

     "Never too busy," Jake said, smiling.  The hum of the computer mixed
with the soft sound of Jake's Frank Sinatra music, "let me get that chair
cleaned up so we can actually sit."

     "It's alright," Chris said, watching as Jake pulled hoodies and gym
shorts off of the chair, tossing them aside and brushing the cushion with
his hand, "you're busy."

     "I need a break too," Jake said as he sat down on the loveseat.  He'd
taken the couch for his own office, so Jake ended up with the smaller
loveseat for his.  Under the huge stack of clothes and junk, it didn't
really matter that it was smaller.  Jake spent more time out on the
studio's sofa than he did on this one.  He stretched his arms above his
head and Chris stepped closer, Jake pulling him down onto his lap, their
chests crashing together as Jake nuzzled into his neck, "I'm working on the
thing for your book.  Dreams are hard to write about, I don't know how you
did it six times."

    Chris' fingers ran through Jake's dark hair, his nose in the dark
strands, "I can't say thank you enough for doing this.  I wanted you to be
a part of this next book so bad.  I wrote all the stories while we were
together.  You were right there."

     "You smell so good," Jake whispered, his hands running up under Chris'
t-shirt, "always do."  Chris shut his eyes, feeling the tingle of Jake's
fingers spreading across his skin.  He pulled Jake's lips to his own, their
tongues sliding together as Jake's scratchy beard scraped against his skin.

     "I love you so much," Chris whispered, his cheek pressed hard against
Jake's, "everything about you.  From here," he said, kissing Jake's lips
again, "to here."  His hand slid down Jake's stomach, fingers lifting
Jake's t-shirt and slipping down into his shorts.  Jake froze, body
shuddering as Chris' hand wrapped around his dick.

     "You want this piece done, right?" Jake said, gasping as Chris licked
at his neck, one hand stroking his cock as the other tangled in Jake's
hair.  "Because if we get distracted, I'll never get it done."

     "Yes you will," Chris whispered into his ear, "but I have to clear my
head."  He pulled Jake's t-shirt up over his head, Jake's hard cock
pressing into his thigh.  His eyes fluttered shut as Jake's thumbs ran
circles over his nipples, Chris' lips returning to his neck.  His hands
settled on Chris' back, sliding up under his thin t-shirt, warm skin under
his hands.  "And I know one thing that does the job every time."

     "Get your clothes off," Jake said, almost growling.  He pushed Chris
off of the chair, hands rough at the button of Chris' jeans.  Peeling his
own shirt off, he pressed his chest against Jake's, their foreheads coming
together as he looked deep into Jake's blue eyes, cloudy with lust, their
breaths heavy as Jake's hands slid across his back, their mouths crashing
together as Jake pulled him tighter against his body.  Chris melted into
the embrace, his erection pushing hard against Jake's, hands clutching at
the tight muscle of Jake's shoulders.

     Pulling Jake out of the office, Chris groaned as Jake pushed him up
against the wall of the hallway, Jake's knee pushing his legs apart as
their bodies ground together.  Grunting, Jake pulled Chris up and wrapped
his legs around his waist, lips trailing over Chris' collarbones.  Chris
leaned against the cool wall behind him, Jake's hands were on his ass, the
tips of his fingers pressing at his hole as Chris' mouth hung slack, his
head thrown backwards.  Every muscle of Jake's body was tight and hard, his
breathing ragged as his hard cock leaked pre-cum, the shaft shiny and
slick.

     Jake's finger slid into Chris' hole and he let out a strained breath,
his hands clutching at Jake's shoulders, his head hitting the wall behind
him and his neck craning into a graceful arc.  Their lips crashed together,
Jake's eyes shut and his entire body guided by touch, Chris' warm skin
pressed against his, actions and reactions instinctual, primal.  He pushed
Chris hard up against the wall, spreading his own legs to steady their
bodies as he slid another finger up into Chris' clutching hole.  He felt
Chris' forehead on his shoulder, hot breaths spreading across his chest as
Chris bit his lip.  Jake was hungry for it, wanted it worse than he could
remember.  His cock was hard, rubbing against Chris' thigh as he stretched
him open.  Groaning, Chris pulled Jake's lips to his own again, the taste
of sweat and saliva mixing together as Jake pressed their bodies tighter
together, his fingers sliding out of Chris' ass.

     "Ready?" Jake asked, his voice breathy.  There was usually more, but
he needed to be inside Chris that very moment, it took every fiber of
control for him to even ask.  Chris ran his hand over Jake's jaw, fingers
tracing the angles as they ran over damp stubble and he nodded, his throat
dry.

     Chris threw his head back, hard wall pressing against the crown of his
head as he felt the blunt head of Jake's cock push into him, the familiar
stretch, the usual burn combining as Jake pressed deeper.  Jake's lips were
on Chris' neck, feeling the strained breaths and the tight muscle as he
stopped, the head of his cock pressing at Chris' prostate.  Chris
shuddered, his entire body racked with spasms as Jake held him tight
against the wall, his own body straining to support both of them.  He
lowered Chris body another few inches, his cock sliding deeper, tight heat
enveloping every inch of his length.  Chris' palms were on his shoulder
blades, clutching at anything he could, Jake's cock fully sheathed inside
him.

     Jake thrust upward, Chris' body quivering as his cock pushed in and
out slowly, his legs still wrapped around Jake's waist.  A low groan
slipped out of Chris' mouth and Jake looked down, Chris' chest shiny with
sweat and his cock hard, steady pearls of pre-cum slipping from the tip.
Jake's hands were on Chris' ass, holding him upright, biceps flexing with
every thrust and pull.  His entire body was awash in the tightness, the
connection.  He could barely breath, could barely keep their bodies
together as he started to edge closer and closer.  He felt Chris' hands
clutch his shoulders, push him away and he slowed down, letting Chris' feet
drop to the floor, shaky as he leaned against the wall and pulled Jake's
lips to his own.  Jake's cock ached, craving the tight heat again.  Chris
stroked his own cock, shuddering as he finally got some semblance of
release.

     Turning around, Jake's hands sliding across his waist, Chris rested
his forehead on the wall.  Jake's lips were on his nape, hot heavy breaths
against his skin as he slid his cock back in, one hard thrust slamming
Chris against the wall, a grunt in Chris' ear as he felt the cool wall
against his chest.  Jake's hand wrapped around his cock and Chris threw his
head back, Jake's teeth on his ear as Chris braced himself on the wall,
palms steadying his body against Jake's hard thrusts.  His eyes shut,
Jake's hands all over him, stroking his cock as the other ran up his chest.
Chris reached down, his hand joining Jake's on his cock and he almost
doubled over, he was close but Jake squeezed him tight, a silent groan on
his lips as he edged back, Jake's constant thrusts hitting him right where
he liked it, right where it drove him crazy, a shock shaking his entire
body every time Jake's cock slammed into him, sliding against his prostate,
hand stroking his cock.  Slick with sweat, Jake's chest leaned against
Chris' back, feeling his entire body go rigid as he shot, a long, low groan
filling the hallway as his ass tightened on Jake's cock, hot cum spilling
up onto his stomach and dripping down Jake's fist.  Jake held him tight,
muscles tightening and relaxing under his fingers, Chris' breathing ragged
and shallow as he tried to catch his breath, Jake's cock still thrusting
deep and hard, faster and more erratic strokes as Chris fell boneless,
leaning limp against Jake's body.

     Jake slammed Chris against the wall one more time, hands on Chris'
hips as he bit down on his shoulder, his head trying to control his body,
his hands digging into Chris's flesh.  Gripping Chris' waist, his cock hit
home, burying itself completely as he shot, Chris' body flat against the
wall as Jake breaths came hot and heavy into his ear.  Chris shut his eyes,
the familiar heat spreading inside him as Jake shot, ropes of cum
splattering into him.  Jake held him tight, nose in his hair as he
shivered, body drained and tired as he leaned against Chris.  Writing,
work, it could all wait.

***

     "I'm working, Jake."

     "No you're not, you're sulking."  Jake sat down on the couch opposite
Chris, who paid him no attention at all, eye fixed on the monitor of his
computer even though his fingers were frozen in place.  "What am I supposed
to do.  I know the timing is shit, but it's got to happen."

     "David Fincher can fuck himself, I don't care.  You're going to God
knows where to film and we're not going to see each other for three
months," Chris said, his voice heavy.  It was selfish, he knew that, but it
didn't keep him from feeling that way.  He wanted those lazy mornings.  He
wanted Jake this relaxed and carefree all the time.  He didn't want to
think about what it would be like to have to go through another three
months of weekend visits and lonely nights.

     "What do you want me to say?  I can't not do this, not after they
re-wrote the entire thing because I asked them to.  And it's good, too.  It
follows the book.  I die."

    "I just can't, Jake, I don't know why.  I don't know what I'll do with
myself without you.  I'm practically done with this and I don't want to
start something this soon."

     "So come with me.  Like Seattle, why wouldn't it be like Seattle?"

     "Because I hate movie sets.  I don't belong on them.  I couldn't even
stand being on set for my own movie and when I was there in Seattle, I
hated it.  I can't do it again."

     "Not even for me?  I need you as much as you need me.  It's not going
to be easy for either of us."

     Selfish and stubborn, he didn't know what to say either.  Chris
couldn't get the upper hand at all, he realized, because Jake was right.
But in the back of his head, Chris also knew that Jake did have it easy,
Chris could write anywhere when it came down to it.  Jake didn't have a
choice, he was the one that did.  "I can't think about it right now.  I
have to finish reading over this story and then...I don't know."

     "I want us to be together.  I like waking up next to you and knowing
that you're just in the other room, but this movie means a lot to me and I
thought it meant a lot to you."

    "Sorry," Chris said, setting his face in his hands, "I just didn't know
it was coming up so fast.  Why is everything so rushed?  I need to get
these stories in and your movie is here already; I feel like my head is
spinning."

     Jake walked around the desk, his hands resting on Chris' tense
shoulders, "I don't want anything but for you to be happy.  I know how you
get when you're writing and I know how I can get on set."

     "You don't know how it's been with the both of us home all the time,"
Chris said, face still buried in his hands, "I want it to be like this all
the time."

     Sighing, Jake kneaded Chris' muscles, "I'm sorry."

     "You don't have anything to be sorry for," Chris said, leaning
backwards, his head pressing against Jake's stomach, his eyes caught
Jake's, the blue eyes pleading for an answer, some sort of resolution, "but
I can't spend three months on a set.  I can distract myself, but I can't
just hang around like that."

     "Come for part of the time.  It's not far from New York.  You can
visit Maggie and Peter, do things in the city."

     "Anything's better than nothing.  I'll go out of my mind if you're not
there."

     Jake leaned down, lips on Chris' as his eyes fluttered shut, "How does
it feel to be engaged to a maniac?"

     "Engaged?" Jake asked, smiling, neither of them had really mentioned
anything about their new situation, it was all in their hearts, they didn't
have to talk about it, but it just sounded good to hear it, "I'm going to
be married to a maniac."

     "Three months is a really long time," Chris said softly, forehead
furrowing as he thought about it.

     "Nothing you haven't done before."

     "Nothing I want to do again."

***

     Jake threw open the door to the coffee shop, same one that he first
saw Chris, same one that they always went to when they were at home, the
staff changed all the time, but there were always the same drinks, same
cushy couches for Chris.  "I got you something, Chris, something good."

     Chris' eyes lit up, a smile on his lips as he shut his laptop, "You're
not holding anything."

     "It's a distraction," Jake said, sitting next to him.  Chris smiled,
scooting closer to Jake's warm body, the familiar smell of him mixing with
smoky aromas of coffee.  "So when I go, you can go too."

     "I am going," Chris said, confused, "we already talked about it."

     "But now you can stay, not just come up for a few days.  I talked to
the writers and they said that they need someone to oversee continuity and
make sure the script is true to the book."

     "What do you mean?  I thought they already re-wrote the entire thing
for you."

     "But there's someone on set to make sure the director doesn't take too
much creative liberty when it comes to how things play out."

     "I don't know how to do that, I just read books and get pissed off
when movies mess them up."

     "It'll let you be up there for at least a month, just reading over
things.  You won't be in anyone's way."

     "I'm done with movies, Jake, it's your thing, not mine."  Chris could
see Jake's disappointment as he said it, "I've had enough of it to know I
don't belong."  He grabbed Jake's hand.

     The movies loved Chris, but it was obvious the feeling wasn't mutual.
Jake knew he got offers to adapt his other books, to write completely new
screenplays.  He had clout in the industry; he just chose to ignore it.
There was enough pressure in the world of publishing, he didn't need more
from a completely different direction.  One time was enough for him, he'd
gotten his recognition and bowed out.  Jake could have the spotlight.  He
deserved it, too, Chris thought.  He couldn't stand to see Jake in
character, it was too weird, too disconcerting.  He needed Jake to be his
Jake, not someone else.  "Sorry," Chris whispered, clutching Jake's hand
tight, "do you want me to help you pack?  I'm almost done here."

     "I just wanted to make it easier on the both of us," Jake said,
suddenly resigned, "but yeah, Maggie will be happy to know she gets more
time with you."

     Chris saw the pleading in Jake's eyes, saw how proud he was earlier.
Chris wasn't used to seeing Jake so crestfallen, but Jake gripped his hand
tighter, giving him a weak smile before he took a slow sip of Chris'
coffee.  "I love you," Chris whispered.

     "I know you do," Jake said, watching as Chris gathered his things.  He
didn't know why, but he knew Chris wouldn't change his mind.  Movie sets
were strange places, he knew, with fake sets and people milling around
everywhere, but he didn't think they were that hard to adapt to.  He'd been
around them all his life though, he didn't know anything but movies.  Chris
leaned against Jake, his head resting on his shoulder, "you can come up
more than just on the weekends."

     "I know," Chris said, "I will."

***

     "Jesus," Chris said, glancing at his watch, "I'm going to be late,
Natalie.  I didn't know the meeting would run so long and I have to get
back and change and stuff and then I'll have to get there."  His words were
rushed, he was fishing for excuses now, too tired to come up with something
better to get him out of going with her.

     "Slow down, buddy," Natalie said, her voice calm, Chris could hear
people in the background, probably her hairdressers and clothes people.
Natalie had a whole entourage of people when she was getting ready for
these sorts of things, "I'll wait for you.  Everybody shows up to these
things late."

     "We'll miss the beginning of the movie," Chris said, looking around at
the buildings nervously.  Nothing looked familiar and he didn't know how
far away he was from Maggie's place.

     "It's not about the movie, Chris, you know that.  We have to go
because you don't get out enough."

     The cab rounded a corner and suddenly, Chris recognized everything,
they were only a block or two away.  "Ok, I'll call you when I get there,
I'll be there as soon as I can."

     An hour later, Chris' phone was attached to his ear, his neck craning
over photographers, celebrities, and entourages alike.  He didn't see
Natalie, but he didn't know what he was looking for.  She probably couldn't
hear her phone over all the noise and bustle and Chris didn't know anyone
else there.  He wasn't on any list, didn't plan on coming at all, but
somehow, the ropes were lifted and he found himself alone on another red
carpet.  He didn't know what to do, this was when Jake normally gave him a
little push and led him down the carpet, smile on his face and his hand up
in the air waving to the cameras and fans as he walked towards the theatre,
but as Chris stood there, the carpet looked like it went on forever.  He
wanted to turn around and hop back into a cab, but the flow of the crowd
was already pushing him forward.  He slid his phone back into his pocket
and gave up on Natalie, she'd survive without him.

     "There you are," Natalie said, grabbing Chris' arm, "took you long
enough to get here."

     "Sorry," Chris said, hugging her tightly as the cameras flashed, "do I
look okay?"

      Natalie grabbed his hand, her delicate fingers spinning his rings
around his finger, "You don't have to impress anyone anymore.  Is he almost
done up there in Canada?"

     "Nowhere near finished," Chris said, "I was up there and this guy is
making them do like fifty takes for every scene.  Jake was taking it hard."
Chris remembered the long, practically silent dinners, Jake running the
scene over and over in his head even after the cameras stopped, nights
where Chris would listen to Jake recite the same lines over and over,
Chris' fingers tracing the contours of his chest as he slept, exhausted
from the day, exhausted from everything from the movie.  There it was,
exactly what Chris didn't like about movie sets: they drained the life out
of Jake, turned him into something Chris didn't like seeing.  He wanted his
Jake back.

    "He'll get through it," Natalie said, whispering in his ear, "and he'll
be right back in your arms."

     They walked down the carpet hand in hand, stopping a few times for
pictures, Chris' hand wrapped around Natalie's waist, his smile wide as she
pressed against him, the flashes shooting in his eyes, multicolored bubbles
floating in the air when he blinked.  If they wanted something to write
about, he'd give it to them.  Leaning down, he gave Natalie a quick kiss on
the temple, her hand coming up to cup his jaw, eyes fluttering shut.  Chris
pulled away and they both giggled, Natalie giving him a playful slap on the
shoulder.  They kept going until Chris felt a hand on his shoulder,
Natalie's hand slipping from his as he turned around, "Topher?"  the smile
melted from Chris' face, replaced with a look of confusion and disbelief.

     Chris didn't know how long they spend just looking at each other,
oblivious to the people around them, completely ignoring the backup behind
them, the photographers groaning as they blocked shots of bigger stars.
"Hi, Topher Grace," he said, hand reaching around Chris for Natalie, "Chris
and I were friends."

     "Natalie," she said, shaking Topher's hand firmly before he pulled her
into a hug, "nice to see you.  Your movie looks great."

     "You're in this movie?" Chris asked, immediately regretting it.  He
prayed nobody heard it apart from the three of them.

     "I figured missing my own premier would be bad form," Topher said,
"you're looking really good.  I like the hair, the suit, the whole thing."

     Chris nodded, wanted to say something just like that to Topher,
compliment his hair or his suit, but Topher was always put together and was
always handsome, it wasn't any different tonight.  "Were friends?" Natalie
asked, breaking the silence between them, "you were in Chris' movie,
weren't you?"

     "My big break, yeah," Topher said, eyes still on Chris, "I didn't know
you were coming."

     "I didn't know I was either," Chris said, "but I'll let you get
going."

     "You guys should catch up," Natalie said, "just standing here I can
tell you have a lot to talk about."

     "We'll see you inside," Topher said, and before Chris could even say
anything, Natalie was giving him a kiss on the cheek and sliding his ticket
into his hand.  "So here we are."

     "I never thought I'd see you again," Chris said, oblivious that the
cameras were still snapping.  Chris didn't know why, there were thousands
of pictures of he and Topher together already; but nobody knew about what
had happened.  Both of them were working and he thought that would be
excuse enough for the press.  Nobody asked questions and Chris was glad to
push Topher out of his head.

     "We can't talk here," Topher said, "I mean...not like this."

     Chris looked down at his feet, at his scuffed dress shoes, his hands
sliding into the pockets of his shorts, "You've been busy, I guess."

     "No, not like that," Topher said, "we're way past all that, Chris."

     Chris knew that they were past it, the petty superficial talk about
the weather and work, but Chris also knew that Jake would be infuriated to
know that they were talking at all.  Jake never said it out loud, but Chris
was sure he wanted him as far away from Topher as possible.  "Sorry, I
just...I don't know what we are anymore."

     "Friends, right?  We used to be best friends, but we both know we're
no 'best' anymore."

     "Things change," Chris said, "but I mean, I don't think I'd mind if
they went back to how they used to be.  I've missed you."

     Chris saw Topher's eyes soften, his expression shifting, "We can get a
cup of coffee right?  We'll be in and out of this, sneaking out the back
was always your style."

***

     Jake could still taste cum on Chris' lips, his eyes rolling back in
his head as he kept pushing into Chris' ass, his hands sliding over the
slick skin of Chris' back.  Chris was breathing hard, his legs flexing as
he lowered himself down onto Jake's shaft, every fall met with a hard
thrust.  He held tight to Jake's shoulders, Jake's lips on his neck as his
cock slid past his prostate, every thrust sending a shudder up Chris' back,
grunts filling the room from the both of them, air heavy with the smell of
sweat.  Chris slid his hands down to Jake's biceps, feeling them flex,
muscles taut and hard as they moved together.  Jake's chest was glistening,
hair matted as Chris' body ran over his.  Jake pulled Chris down, their
bodies settling together as Jake thrust upwards, short, hard strokes
slamming against Chris' prostate, whimpers coming from Chris' mouth as his
lips worked Jake's neck.  Jake groaned, feeling Chris' fingers on his
nipples, his cock burying itself again and again into the sweet tightness
of his ass, his own fingers on Chris' waist as he rose and fell.

     Chris groaned, his back arching off of Jake's chest as he gripped the
sheets in his fists.  There wasn't enough air in his room and it felt like
his body wasn't big enough to contain all the sensation coursing through
his body.  Jake's eyes were shut, his jaw tight as Chris' body moved on top
of him.  Grunting, Jake pulled Chris back down, needing the dual
connection, their bodies joined as much as possible, two bodies moving
together like one.  Jake rolled them over, lifting one of Chris' legs up
onto his shoulder, Chris arching onto his back, body long and lean under
Jake's hard thrusts, his entire body tingling as he inched closer and
closer.  His fingers tangled in Jake's thick hair, slick strands sliding
against his skin as he groaned, ropes of pearly cum shooting up his chest,
his entire body a tight knot, instantly falling slack as Jake froze, just
watching Chris twitch and settle, his entire body racked by orgasm, his
asshole squeezing every last inch of Jake's thick shaft.

     Jake pushed Chris over onto his side, straddling his leg as he pushed
his cock in deep, a long, low groan coming from Chris' lips as he pressed
his face into the mattress, every muscle of Jake's chest prominent as he
moved in quick, smooth motions.  Chris was delirious, incoherent groans and
grunts coming from deep in his throat as Jake ran the head of his cock over
his prostate over and over, slamming in hard as Chris shook under him.  He
grunted, throwing his head back before he froze, body quivering all over as
he fell forward, his lips hungry for Chris' again, tongue sliding into
Chris' breathy mouth, slipping against Chris' as he shook, cum shooting
from his cock into Chris' clutching hole.  Chris' hand were on his shoulder
again, his body still shaky as Jake settled on top of him, eyes half-lidded
and hands running down Chris' sides.  Weekend visits weren't enough, Jake
realized.  It was getting harder and harder for him without Chris there,
not just for this, but for everything else.  Chris' breathing was heavy,
hot air sliding past Jake's ear as Chris ran his hands down Jake's sweaty
back.  He always knew how to get Jake's mind off the movie with nothing
more than that lazy smile and the simplest kiss.  Jake pulled Chris tight
against him, feeling him settle right into the contours of his chest, their
legs tangling together as Chris felt Jake's steady breathing, hand resting
on Jake's heart.

***

      Every time Chris walked up or down the brick steps of Maggie's
brownstone, he missed Jake; he always pictured the photo on his desk, both
of them on those same steps, huge smiles on their faces and the snow white
and clean behind them.  There wasn't any snow, but he still wished that
Jake were right there with him, that same smile on his face.  One last
meeting for his book and he'd be done, it'd be on the shelves in a few
months and he could devote his attention to Jake, not stories or covers or
blurbs.  He didn't know what he'd do with the free time, but he was sure
Jake would have some ideas, he just wished Jake would finish the movie so
that they could do something together for more than just two days.

     He was downtown in no time at all, the late morning sunlight peeking
through the clouds as he walked into the Random House building, massive and
condescending even after all these visits.  It made dreams and broke
hearts; Chris had been on both sides.  "I've been waiting forever."

     "Sorry," Chris said, "I didn't know you'd be waiting."

     "I figured you'd be here.  You still have time for some coffee?  We
both survived the premiere without any permanent damage."

     "Alright," Chris said, "and it was good, the first ten minutes at
least."  He thought it would be a one-time deal, just some catching up, but
Topher seemed genuine in wanting what they had again.  Chris wasn't the
only person that missed the company and the jokes.  Topher smiled, eyes
wrinkling at the corners like they always did and Chris could almost forget
what had happened between them when he saw the Topher that he trusted.

     "I'm not in the first ten minutes," Topher said, grinning as he
wrapped an arm around Chris' shoulder.  There it was, the same warmth Chris
felt whenever Topher was around.  He missed it and was glad he got it back.
He could forgive and forget, but it was Jake he was worried about.

---

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