Date: Sun, 04 May 2008 21:08:38 -0400 From: J Subject: Doctor Who, Jesse, and Jeremy: the complete promos 1-5 DON'T WORRY, DOCTOR WHO WILL BE BACK IN THE FUTURE...AND THE PAST AND THE PRESENT... COMING SOON The Doctor: (semi angry) Brigadier, why have you summoned me? Was it because of the motorcycle monster thing? Brigadier: No, I'd be if could sort that thing out. It's because there are strange goings on at Montauk Point, on the East End of Long Island... The Doctor: I know where Montauk is. I used to live here before I met Jesse and Jeremy here, you know! Doctor: You recognized me? Brigadier: Always have, always will. It's basically still you inside. Jesse: Inside of me, usually. Brig: So can you take on the motorcycle attacks and the Montauk Project? Doctor: One thing at a time Brigadier, one thing at a time.. Brig: That's never stopped you before...(Smiling) Doctor: Brigadier, it is nice to see you again. Brig: Doctor, you used to go gay bars?!! Doctor: Gay clubs, Brigadier, use the word clubs. I was trying to find myself again on Earth, stuck here again... A motorcycle with a rider with a helmet on, the face plate dark and obscuring the face of the rider, flies through the air at Jim Clerk. The big, gay muscle blond screams! The Doctor jumps in front of him and holds up the sonic screwdriver. Jeremy: Former friend of yours, Doctor? Doctor: Not exactly. Jeremy: Don't like him. He wasn't very nice. Jesse: And HE talks about no body that way. Brigadier: There are strange things going on on all over Long Island right now, Doctor. Doctor: I'll say, you should have seen the gay night life out here. I think it's trying to become like one of us, well, like one of you. The Doctor is in the console room. Doctor: Hop on! Jesse: What are you.... The TARDIS suddenly changes into a first class motorcycle. The Doctor is in the seat, starting it up. Doctor: It worked. It finally worked. Since 1985 the chameleon circuits hasn't worked properly. This is history. Jesse: Doctor, Jeremy... Doctor: Yes, he's in danger! That thing will find out he's got Time Lord DNA in him... Jesse: Happens to us all the time. We've had that in us before... Doctor: Yes, well, this time, it might know it's alien to Earth and as it's looking for human DNA... Jesse: Let's go already! (he presses the handle power surge and they drive off, the Doctor falling back a bit) Jesse: (as they drive along) : Hey where's K9? The Doctor points to the seat under him. Jesse startles, "Under your ass?" "Inside the TARDIS..." Jeremy is on a mini bike riding steps of a religious shrine area, Lady of the Lourdes shrine, past bushes. The alien motorcyclists rides down steps in front of him. "Who's chasing who?" Jeremy falls off his bike as it tips over. He turns around. The alien is there and pointing both hands at him! Jeremy's nude and the monster motorcyclist jumps on him and turns him over and begins to rape him! "AHHH! NO!" A motorcycle gang leader points, "Hey, those two clowns have been touching our bike's lights!" A motorcycle gang comes at Jesse and the Doctor. The Doctor holds up the sonic screwdriver, "See, it's just a screwdriver." "They're gonna drive some screws into us!" Jesse yells at they corner him at a 7-11, "Doctor?!" "Yes!?" "The next time you decide to adapt biker's headlights to turn em into an alien capturing ray, could you please let them know what you're doing in detail BEFORE you do it, please?" "I'll try!" A big guy grabs Jesse up against a cement wall. Five surround the Doctor and start to punch his sides and back. Motorcycle leader: Why didn't you say that's what you wanted. Of course, we'll help you! We knew Moe. Doctor: Aren't you surprised that Moe was gay and that there ACTUALLY ARE ALIENS? Motorcycle leader: Not in the least, what can we do to stop this crappy monster? Jesse: Jeremy? Why're you worried about him? He can take care of himself. Doctor: Yes, that's what worries me. We've got to find him...he's going to try to pull the power unit off it... Jesse: The helmet? Doctor: Yes, the helmet! Its power source! You see, Jeremy's the one that got away. Only he can touch it and live... Jesse runs at the motorcycle monster points his gloves at a crane and the crane rushes at him. A ball from the crane comes smashing at him. The Doctor is rushing at them in the TARDIS motorcycle but it changes back to the Police Box. "Damn it! I knew it was too good to last! Well, here's blocking!" He puts the TARDIS between the wrecking ball and Jesse and the TARDIS gets slammed. The ball hits it. The creature points at a bulldozer and it rushes at Jesse, who runs but gets cornered at a junk pile in the junkyard of cars. Behind the creature Jeremy reaches for the helmet. The TARDIS flies between the bulldozer and Jesse, Jesse runs, the TARDIS gets bulldozed into the junk pile and junk cars fall all over it. Jesse: Doctor, get the doors open and fly at me! The TARDIS is covered with cars and old motorcycles. The thing snarls at Jesse. Jeremy grabs the helmet off it from behind and it turns around. Jeremy screams as it roars at him! A hideous face of half formed jaw and teeth, embryo like baby eyes and cheek, old wrinkled skin, hair stuck to the head in a parody of a human being! COMING SOON! COMING SOON! Doctor : Brigadier, did you say something about the East end? What's been going on? Brigadier: People have been vanishing off the streets. The homeless as well as the homed,... Jesse: Homos? Brig: (shoots him a dirty look and angry at that somewhat) Old men and women, children, teenagers... Doctor: Oh, that's bad... Brig: That's not all. Some of them, mostly the children and teenagers who have homes, have been returned, with absolutely no knowledge that they were ever gone or have ever lost time...There's also the acting up of animals, deer crashing through people's living room windows, teenagers suddenly attacking, molesting adults, vandalizing, as if somebody has turned on a switch...but why? Doctor: Because someone has turned on a switch...I'll... Brig: I'm not done. There's more. Strange weather occurrences, freak lightning and thunderstorms, again as if someone...well, you get the idea... Doc: And? Brig: Reports of UFOs in the night skies, hairy giant monsters roaming the woods... Doc: Anything else? Brig: (frowning) Things suddenly appearing and disappearing and reappearing right in front of witnesses' eyes. Doc: And?... Brig: There's a good chance a shadow government may have been in charge of all of it! Doc: Just what we need. Doctor: Alien technology. I think they've had some help. Some evil Time Lord help. Jesse: But who? Which one? The Master? The Monk? The RANI? Jeremy: How come all these guys in this place recognize you, Doctor? Doctor: (stops at a door with his name on it) Because, apparently, I've been the big honcho around here at one time. Jesse: You're the evil Time Lord that helped them achieve all this! Jeremy is tied in a chair. A big energy monster electrifying controls comes out of the tunnel right at him. Jesse is flung into the future and comes out in a dark world. He sees a statue dedicated to Hitler. Doctor: You're messing with time and you can create all sorts of troubles for yourself, the universe...and even time itself! Jeremy in the chair vanishes along with an apple in his hand. "You did this for them!" Jesse yells. Brig: Yes, Doctor, what is that all about??!!! I'd like an answer as well! Doc: It was just after I first regenerated. They were able to easily brainwash me, use me, and then make me forget it all. The Doctor is in a punch fight with Mr. Finch in the TARDIS console room. Finch: I'm stuck in this form thanks to you! But I'll have your TARDIS! Doctor : I'll kill you first and die before I let that happen! Finch: So be it! The TARDIS doors open and they both fall out toward a number of suns colliding. Doctor: They saved me but not Finch. But returning me to Earth... Doctor runs at the time tunnel, "Shut that down! Shut down the time tunnel! You fools! That thing will come out of it again!" Sarah Jane Smith: It was me. I destroyed Gallifrey. I let the invaders in. I shut it down with K9 at my side. Where you weren't! The Doctor stares at her... DOCTOR WHO WILL RETURN AGAIN REALLY REALLY SOON! You won't have to wait until Christmas 2008! At an ancient phone exhibit, Jeremy and Jesse sit in Time Lord robes. Jesse picks up the phone, "It works. Hey ever crank call a Time Lord?" Jesse: (on phone): Hey, is Myassamacallitallpurplezitsthere?" Old Time Lord: Hang on I'll check for Myass..." Jeremy and Jesse laugh. Jeremy: How did you regenerate? Mr Finch and the Doctor battling in the TARDIS console room, exploding console. The doors open and they both fall out into space as asteroids pass by and ignite! In the past: Jeremy: "You're Galahad?!" Galahad: "You can call me Kid Galahad, for I'm just a kid." Jesse: "Doctor!" Jeremy: "It's a Black Knight!" Doctor: "Not just that, it's a Black Knight with a black hole in it! A Black Hole Knight or a Black Knight Hole!" Jesse is pulled into a black hole on the Black Knight's chest. Lancelot holds onto him but his feet go up and Lancelot is pulled with Jesse toward the black hole. "Oh yeah, you wanna see moves, I'll show you moves!" The Doctor pilots the TARDIS with open doors in front of the pulled Lance and Jesse and the two fly into the TARDIS but...as doors close... The TARDIS is pulled into a black hole. A cow passes by it. At the scanner, the Dragon from Eragon snaps open it's jaws at them. Jesse flinches and backs away, puts an arm up to protect himself. Doctor: "Allow me to introduce King Arthur." Jesse: "Sir Lancelot, I presume!" Jesse: "Doctor, dragon!" Doctor: "Run!" (a dragon comes flying and the pair run from it and from Knights of the Round Table) "Draw!" (in the Old West) Doctor: "I will not draw." Young gun slinger: "You killed my father!" Jeremy looks at the Doctor. Businessman and ranger: That thing has all the weapons in it we need. (points to the TARDIS which is on a wagon). Jeremy: "Jesse's inside the TARDIS and time's moving differently for him?" Doctor: "Yeah, don't worry. He's safe." TARDIS on the wagon is being hauled off by two fast moving horses. Jeremy jumps between the horses from the platform. Jeremy: "Doctor!" The wagon is running straight at a covered wagon. Long haired blond Robin of Loxley: "I'm Robin of the Hood." Jeremy: "Robin Hood!" Long haired brunette Robin: "I'm Robin of the Hood!" Doctor: "Hoods!" Jeremy says, "Gosh, two Robin Hoods. Will you help us rescue Jesse from King John?" Blond Robin: "Only if he shoots an apple off your head..." Brunette Robin: I want you to shoot an apple off your friend's head... Doctor: Posh, that's easy... "Blindfolded..." The Doctor pulls the arrow across the bow. He's blindfolded by Little John. Jeremy blinks, looks scared. "William Tell taught me how to do this, but not for a few good number of years yet..." King John (to Jesse): Robin has his Maid Marion and all his men, I want my own Maid Marion. Jesse: What's that to do with me? King John: You will be my Maid Marion... Jesse: Why it is always me? Jeremy: You're just too pretty. Jeremy: What's that?" Doctor: I think it's Godzilla! C'mon run! Jesse: So we're in a parallel Earth in the same time where Godzilla, Gamera and Gorgo and all the rest are real? Doctor: Now you've got it. Come on help me with this! I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can recalibrate all the UNIT trucks without help... Jesse: Help from whom?" Doctor: Me. I think I need all of my other selves, hey if the Time Lords could do it, and they're not around any more so why can't I? Jesse: You sound like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Doctor: Nice girl, she was. TARDIS appears. A Chinese Doctor walks out (Jackie Chan): I am the Doctor, I will help you. Another Doctor comes to them (Jet Li). "It's my old enemy, Rodak!" He's on the UFO fighter SID where Rodak has set up a secret base. Rodak: The giant monsters I have control of this time will destroy the entire Earth! Bessie drives up to a UNIT truck. The Brigadier comes out. The Third Doctor jumps out of the car, "Hello, Lethbridge Steward! Say hello the Brigadier, Jo." Jo Grant: Hi! Brig: Doctor! Is there anything I can do? Third Doctor: Reverse the polarity of the Neutron Flow. Second Doctor: "Now Jamie! When I say run run!" Fifth Doctor: Focus, we have to focus. Brave heart! Fourth Doctor: That's a great big whomping lizard! Sarah: Doctor, stop acting childish. Fourth Doctor: What's the point of being 479 if I can't act childish! Besides, I wasn't acting childish, was I? Me? Jeremy whispers something in Adric's ear. Doctor: No, Jeremy, you can't do that! Jeremy: Already done. Sixth Doctor looking at himself in the reflection of a truck gun set up, "Oh, this is still the best face...me ever had." Jesse: Doctor, we're black and white, what's with that?" "Run!" A rhedosaur destroys a lighthouse. Doctor: We're in some black and white universe where the monsters or Ray Harryhausen movies are alive! An octopus pulls down San Franciso bridge. UFO flying saucers attack Washington DC's monuments. TARDIS leaves but when they exit on a beach, a giant Cyclops and blue dragon fight each other close by. Doctor: We're still in the same universe...RUN! "I'm Sinbad." Jesse: And a fucking hunk too. "My name's Jason. I have found the Golden Fleece but need your help in getting it back to Greece." Doctor "We're in another universe. In this universe, particles allow you Earthlings to be like superheroes!" Jesse is in a yellow cape, yellow speedo, yellow boots and a yellow eye mask, nothing more. "I get my energy from the sunlight. I am Dayoman!" Jeremy: More like Gay-o-man." Jesse: Huh? Doctor: "17th Century Japan...I have some loose ends to take care of here..." The trio run from Samurai warriors only to run into some more. They are caught between the two warring parties. Aoi: (look of evil on face and raising sword above Jeremy and Jesse) your new friends, Doctor, will you care for them as well as you did for me?" Doctor: NO! Doctor: "I have to find out if he's possessed by the energy or not and there's only one way for me to to that." Jesse: "To make love to him?" Doctor: Yes. Jeremy: You can't! He'll kill you! Aoi: Prepare to die, Doctor! Doctor: Love kills... Doctor: Tiny aliens on the Titanic are trying to find their miniature ship inside a safe...if they don't find it, the whole world could end in your time... Doctor: This thing, this separatist Auton, is at a wedding... Jeremy: My cousin's... Doctor: I don't do weddings... Jesse: Tough, you're going... Jeremy: Doctor, it seems assimilated into our culture...do you have to kill it? Doctor points a laser rifle at the human Auton, "I must..." Auton: Doctor, I beg you, spare my life! In alternate Ancient Greece: Doctor: May I introduce Xena, Warrior Princess... Xena: My son's back, or rather returned or rather come here from another universe to take revenge on what he thinks is his bad mother... Solan: Fight or die... Jeremy: Then I will fight... Solan: And kill... In Ancient Rome: Dressed in flimsy gladiator gear with spikes on neck collar, Jeremy: "Jesse, be careful, that's Caligula..." Jesse: Yeah and we're gladiators ... (Jeremy jumps between gladiator boys and Jesse, who's been knocked down) Jeremy is outnumbered. Adam comes jumping into the arena. Jeremy: Adam, you're back! Adam: Hello, Jeremy...nice outfit... Caligula: (to a nude Jesse): I want you to have me... Doctor: He's mad..or is he? Possessed by some alien force that got to him when he prayed to it... Jeremy: He thinks he's a god... Doctor: If what I think is going on...he's right, he is... Caligula: I shall kill the Doctor before you all and bring him back to life... (in a theatre) Present day Grand Canyon, Doctor: This is 2008 and this is my old friend Kiko McGree Redwing. He's a doctor... Jesse: Oh no, not another one... Kiko: No, I'm a former traveling companion of the Doctor, not a Doctor. A medical doctor... Doctor, I think those bat things are back... Doctor: Oh no, not the Roptera...maybe the Menoptera can help us again! Maine: Butterfly beings fly by--the Doctor waves at them and smiles. Bat monster men attack Jesse and Jeremy at a wooden cabin in the woods. The Sixth Doctor comes out and uses a device to make them leave, a sonic sound gun. "I knew you'd need my help." Jeremy: Sure did. Doctor: Did not. Jesse: Did too, now thank the man in the Throw Up coat... Doctor: We have to leave, right now! Jesse: Why? I like it here. Doctor: We're in Sodom of Sodom and Gomarrah... Jesse: oh. Jeremy: Don't forget to not look back... Huge explosion! TARDIS seems to turn to salt. Doctor: we're on a planet of giants... Valerie: Really? Why didn't you tell us that? Doctor: And my TARDIS has been driven away on the back of a truck...not that that hasn't happened before...only not as garbage... Jesse: Well, shoulda nicked a new one while we were on Gallifrey... Jeremy: You're gonna leave those seven people and their dog stuck on that land of giants? Doctor: I have to. I can't interfere with history and it's vital that they remain there. A cat and dog fight over Jeremy, Jesse, and the Doctor. Doctor: I have a mission for you two. Jesse: What is it? Doctor: Get the two girls, Bodicca's daughters to leave with you. Jeremy and Jesse: Yuck. Jesse: And what're you gonna do? Doctor: try to stop their mom from killing herself... Bodicca attacks the Doctor with a sword. The Doctor points the sonic screwdriver at the sword. It melts. "Let me die honorably!" "No such thing!" "Where are we?" "Another planet!" "And without the Doctor..." Set to the Fourth Season promo music, on the soundtrack to season 3 it is the music that is on Track 19 (from Utopia) K9: It's the Master, Master. He's in this mall (Jeremy, Jesse, and the Doctor race through a mall) Doctor: You're in love? Nick Hoult Master: You are, why can't I be? Jeremy: Sir Lancelot? Galahad: I'm Sir Galahad! Jesse: Dragon!!!!! Eragon: Saphira. Jeremy: A Black Knight! Doctor: It's a black hole. Jesse: A black hole Knight... (it starts to suck him in) It's suckin me off! I mean it's pulling me! (it sucks him and the TARDIS in) Doctor: Allow me to introduce Xena Warrior Princess Solan: I'm Xena's son and I'm gonna kill you...now! (Jeremy looks at his sword) Adam: That is Caligula. Caligula: Welcome to my domain...my heaven. Now, fight as gladiators... (Jesse and Jeremy and Adam are dressed in S and M gladiator gear) The Nick Hoult Master: I am known universally at the Master and you...you love me? Teddy Geiger: I think...I do. Jeremy: Doctor! Cowboy: Draw! Gunslinger: In that blue box is our shipment of guns! Open it! Jeremy: Jesse's trapped inside the TARDIS on a slower time loop!? Doctor: Now you've got the situation well in hand. (TARDIS on an American West horse drawn carriage headed toward another) Jesse: The Doctor's people have all been destroyed. Jeremy: Robin Hood! Robin: Shoot the apple off your friend's head. Doctor: No problem Jeremy: Oh yeah? (close right eye as he watches the arrow fire at him!) Doctor: Now listen, I NEED you two to take Bodicca's daughters on a date. Jeremy: What? Jesse: What? Leela: What? Jeremy: Run! (a large prehistoric alien dino is overhead) Brigadier: That thing is killing people on Long Island. Doctor: SO is something military mind you! Jesse: RUN! Jeremy: No not this time. If we run, they're gonna catch us, it's no use, if we stay they might be less...violent. Jesse: They raped us! Large tall 8 foot lean muscle male, "We're ancient and forever..." Jeremy: Let me get this straight, you're native Indian...indigenous people and you're killing, fighting another tribe? Indian: that is correct...and you are god Jeremy: (hands up) I know when I'm licked... Jesse: I ...uh...I can vouch for that. Doctor: This is where I lived just before I met you two...that one, he wasn't very, shall we say nice to me. (Jeremy sneaks up behind the motorcycle monster man who had a skull head, he reaches for the helmet it has on) (A motorcycle flies through the air for a gay man who was once mean to the Doctor, the Doctor jumps in front of him) Doctor: His plan? Spread Time Lord DNA over all of London, maybe the world, and make new Time Lords. Jesse: Isn't that good? Doctor: no, they'll mutate. (Master and Doctor battling on a rising platform on a huge balloon overhead that makes them rise) Jeremy: Monster! Jesse: Oh damn, run, right? Jeremy: Right, RUN! Doctor: (amazed) the whole planet runs on street racing.... Jesse: Street racing killed my cousin and his family, a little baby among them. I'm gonna stop this planet if I can! Pirate: You will be our new cabin boy (Points to Jeremy with a sword) Boy: They kill the old cabin boy...that's me (he pulls a knife and grabs Jeremy from behind and holds knife at Jeremy's neck) Mulder: My name's Fox Mulder but you should know that if you're my Doctor... Doctor: Oh, I'm your Doctor, you should know that, I'm here to get you out of this hospital... Doctor: Sorry Ash, but I just couldn't let you kill Sing. Oh, I believe in Happy Endings!!! Billy Drayton: Dad! Look! (Tardis comes at the SUV of survivors from the Mist, Mrs. Drayton is at the open door) It's mom! Doctor: Don't shoot that boy! UNIT starts flame throwers at monsters. Doctor: That thing my dear man, is a parasite from the center of the earth. Man: In the toilet? Doctor: The loo! Vlad: I'm known as Vlad, the Impaler... Jesse: And Count Dracula... Vlad: Only to my enemies...so you may call me Count Dracula Jesse: Is he trying to tell me something? Are you trying to tell me something? Doctor: Gilles de Rais, my fifth self or rather his companions once met that madman... Jesse: And now the Master's gone back to warn that serial killer who's about to get caught... Doctor: It does look that way... Jeremy: the 1997 World Series, haaaa, that's my style... Jesse: So's Hanson, who're singing the anthem... Doctor: His name is Jonathan Brandis, isn't it? Lucas: Yes, my alter self...he hung himself... Jesse: That's the...THE Taj Ma Hall? Doctor: Yep Jeremy: And...there's a thing from the beginning of time... Doctor: Before the beginning of time...actually.. Jesse: And it's gonna... Doctor: Kill all of us or control us. Jeremy: And we... Doctor: Have to stop it, of course... (The three running from the Taj Ma Hall, tentacles coming out of it after them) (A Menoptera comes flying over head) Kroton: We are at war. Doctor: I demand to know with whom! Quark: With the Dominators! Abby: My name's Abby Hoffman. Jim: Jimmy Hendrix. Jackie: Welcome to Moonbase Alpha, Doctor... Will: I'm Will Robinson and this is Barry Lockridge. Jeremy: Why's the Moon completely deserted? Iron Age woman: Someone or something is poisoning our water at the bottom of the hill... Alien: That missile is heading toward us, fired by another civilization... Doctor: This means that there's people living in the missile...how do I stop it now? Jesse: (smiling) You'll find a way! Jeremy: You always do! Doctor: No, not the Middle Ages this time. It's 2006 and it's called Darkon and there's been a murder here... (Strange alien light energies move at Jesse; Jeremy finds a blood sea; Doctor walks on laser tracks in outer space) (a light tentacles comes at Jeremy; balls of light move at Jesse) Devon: Welcome to Earth 2 as they call it. Doctor: I can get you to New Pacifica. Devon: Gaal, him again! Gaal: My new allies (monsters from Seaquest season 2) Jesse: Doctor you've done it again. You got the TARDIS stuck in the Great Wall of China during this paranoid guy's reign of terror... Jeremy: Jesse... Jesse: He's behind me isn't he? A boy: I'm King Tut. Jesse: His sister is going to murder him. Jeremy: Your sister is going to murder you. Tut: Oh, I know that. Jeremy: Godzilla! Jesse: the blob! Doctor: Aoi is a 16 year old Samurai that I forgot about. Jesse: You forgot about ?!!! Doctor: Yeah and now he's infected with alien somethings and to get rid of them I have to have sex with him. Jesse: He'll kill you. Aoi: (eyes glowing) he's right, I will. We will! Doctor: It's just something I have to do. To correct. (moves at Aoi) Doctor: Majin! It's come to life! Jesse: (sighs) Does that mean run? Doctor: the Wishing Arch in Ireland, it's cursed... Jesse: Doctor? He's an Auton, living a life. He's at his cousin's wedding...can't we just... Doctor: NO! Jeremy: Leave him alone! Mu: Welcome to the lost undersea Mu! (Jeremy, Jesse, Doctor diving underwater, sharks, octopus, squid) Doctor: We have to leave at once and not look back... Jeremy: Why? Doctor: We're in Sodom of Sodom and Gomorrah... Jesse: Pass the salt... Doctor: Look at those! Jesse: Ice cream mountains! (A smoking fog, the Doctor walks out of it, his outline is that of his past selves, 1st, 2nd, 4th, 8th, 6th, 9th, etc) Jeremy: C'mere I wanna fuck you! Jesse: I wanna have sex with you right now and here! Doctor: Will you both just do me, right now? Tall, pale, white albino men with round shield like armor on their chests have spears and aim them at Jesse's captors... Jeremy: (getting up off a rock): No, don't kill him! Long tall alien: We are the true people of our planet. The only people... Jesse: Hey, still in trouble here! Long tall alien: We serve the Matra, the Mother. Do you serve the mother? (holds a spear up vertically toward Jeremy's chin) Jeremy: Mother fucker! Long Tall Alien: That will do! Jeremy (pointing to a huge monastery) : I thought I saw a man at that window! (Inside a hooded figure steps back) Jesse: (in an old hall way of stone): Is that the Doctor!??? Jeremy and Jesse run through an old monastery. Jesse opens a door and a man inside had on a hood. "Doctor?!!! Is it you...it's me, Jesse..." Voice: I don't know any Jesse... Jeremy: Doctor, I will find you if...( He's out on a ledge climbing on the outside of a huge monastery) it's the last thing I do... Jesse: Jeremy, get back inside the monastery!!!! A giant reptilian bird monster flies at him, screeching!!!! Jeremy screams!!! DOCTOR WHO STING MUSIC into FOURTH SEASON 2008 THEME SONG... Jeremy and Jesse run through an old monastery. Jesse opens a door and a man inside had on a hood. "Doctor?!!! Is it you...it's me, Jesse..." Voice: I don't know any Jesse... Jesse: (trying to turn the brass door knob): They've locked me in! Jeremy: Tie these bed ropes around me... Jesse: Shouldn't we do that later, when we're alone in the same bed... Jeremy: Doctor, I will find you if...( He's out on a ledge climbing on the outside of a huge monastery) it's the last thing I do... Jesse: Jeremy, get back inside the monastery!!!! A giant reptilian bird monster flies at him, screeching!!!! Jeremy screams!!! Jeremy, Jesse, Adam, Tom, Timmy, Rose, Mickey, Jackie, Donna, Martha, Capt. Jack, Hercules, Solan, Xena, Robin Hood, Robin the Boy Wonder, , Tommy Connoly, the Professor, Leela, Sarah Jane, the Brigidier, Bambera, Ross of UNIT, Fesh, Benjamie, K9, Kitt-10, and others are around a huge blast. Jesse: He's regenerating! Jeremy: We have to help him! "Stay back!" The Doctor yells. "Just stay back!" Jesse: "We've seen regeneration! Been a part of it!" "That was more degeneration and recovery! Don't come near me!" A huge blast knocks them all down. Jesse: He's dead, the Doctor's dead. Jeremy: (tears coming out of closed eyes and then he opens his eyes, all the while shaking his head no) On the clouds nude, The Paul Telfer Doctor has his fists on his hips, "I'm coming down for you, to help you." "Whatever happened, I am the Doctor, Jeremy." The Paul Telfer Doctor looks at him, both sitting on a cement bench in Ancient Greece. Jeremy stares at him, looks down. "It's still me inside. I'm the Doctor." Jeremy smiles. Jeremy's mom: Please come home. For good. In years time, when I see you, it'll look like you but it won't be. You'll have over 1000 years of travel in time and space and God knows where else. You won't be Jeremy anymore..." "Oh mom." "That's how I want it," Jesse tells his mom. "But who is he?" The Doctor's head comes up out of a Dalek casing, "I'm the Doctor!" Davros: Exterminate him!!!! Jesse and Jeremy's head come up out of the same casing. "Lotsa room in there..." "Watch it!" The Doctor fires the Dalek ray at a Dalek and it blows up. "Davros, you're next!!!" "You haven't the guts!!!" Darvos moves his clawed, withered hand toward a device on his chair, "BUT I do!" He moves his hand and fires an electric ray at the casing but the Doctor fires first at it. The two rays meet and explode. The Doctor crouches down, ready to wrestle, in a jock strap only, and tosses his top hat to Jeremy and Jesse, who catch it together. Jesse asks, "Who the hell are they?" "The Wrestlers of Death." "What kind of planet of this?" Jeremy asked. "It's a sports planet." "Would you like to see the sun, little girl?" The Doctor holds his hand out of the TARDIS doors, "Come with me." "She won't have to see all summer in one day," Jesse tells Jeremy at the console. "Toby Osborne, I could use your help!" The Doctor smiles at the naked porn star. "Go fuck yourself." With his back to Jeremy and Jesse, the Doctor fiddles with a huge machine against a wall of machines. Jeremy asks, "What're you going to do with that thing?" "Make it work for us, for a change! But I need time." "A Time Lord needs time," Jesse shakes his head. "You got it!" Jeremy sees a Sontaran aiming a tube gun at them and he throws a knife into the tube and knocks it down. The alien says, "Ahhh, a worthy opponent!" Jeremy runs full first at two Sontarans and tackles them. Another Sontaran points a small tube at Jeremy and fires. Jeremy holds up a metal plate and the blast hits it. Jeremy yells and runs at him, tackling him, too. Jeremy has the Sontaran in a headlock. The Doctor turns, "Jeremy, leave the Sontarans alone." "This is war, Doctor, war!!!" A Sontaran yells at the Doctor. "War Schmore!" The Doctor punches the Sontaran right on the nose. It doesn't react. "That was a futile gesture!" "Oh yeah, is this a futile gesture!" The Doctor grabs the Sontaran, turns him around and punches him on the probic vent. The Doctor holds the sonic screwdriver outward extending his arm. Doctor: I'm the Doctor... Jeremy: Jeremy... Jesse: I'm Jesse UNIT's soldier Ross: Yeah, I Know! (jumps at him and smacks a kiss on his lips...and Jesse responds) An old woman, on a lawn on a street, looks at them. "My son." "Doctor, it's an old man stabbed in the street, why do you care?" "Why don't you? Oh, Jeremy, what's happened to u?" "I...I'm sorry." "Doctor solves a stabbing," Jesse shrugs, "Why not..." "The police can't do it all." The Doctor, Jesse and Jeremy all naked run from futuristic mutant motorcycle men. The men yells and hold stabbing weapons up at them! Doctor is nude and alone on a high way. Mad Max comes riding at him, "Need a lift?" The Doctor is on a bed, over Adric, who is prone beneath him, "I'm here to make it up to you. I want to make it up to you." Adric: I want to make out with you. (He leans up and kisses the Doctor's lips hard) At a Victorian Ball, Jeremy and Jesse watch, red faced as the Doctor, in coat tails and top hat dances with a woman. Jesse: WHY are we here? So you can dance with that ...that girl???!! Doctor: Of course not. Someone here, in this room, is Jack the Ripper. Jesse: Jack the Ripper! Jeremy: Really...! The Doctor puts on a Sherlock Holmes outfit. "Davros!" The Doctor points a gun at Davros's head, "I WILL KILL YOU!" Two Cybermen raise their hands with arms up over Jeremy and Jesse in order to crush their heads with a hard blow. They shut their eyes. The Cybermen gasp and spark and start to fall, gasping for air. A young boy in speedos and with crisscrossed slings on his body whips out two cyberknives and stands behind two dying Cybermen. He stands behind them. "Fesh," the Doctor smiles, "It's you. Last time I saw you, you were this high and I...well, I was this high," he shows the height of his former self. "Where's Benjamie?" "Here!" "Benjamie!" "You were so cute when you were little." "He still is," Jeremy snapped. Jesse asked, "What do you do, kid?" "Kill Cybermen mostly...but I'd take a sideline in Ice Warriors and Daleks if I have to." "You won't...." The Doctor opens a door, and on the other side are Daleks with Ice Warriors marching together, "You have to!" He shuts the doors and runs as the doors are blasted down. Everyone falls from the blasts!!! An Ice Warrior levels a gun, "Do not move." Doctor: "Jeremy, Jesse, meet my brother!" "Brother?" They both say, shocked. "Irving Braxtiel or are you going by a different name by now?" Brax: "You noticed the Time tracks off, did you?" "No, but I noticed the cult you have going on, how quaint," the Doctor snarls from one end of his mouth. In a pit facing giant intelligent worms: "Allow me to introduce myself, I'm the Doctor," he bows and takes off a top hat to giant worms, "Glad to see you're all alive this time." Jesse hanging off a cliff with giant worms below, "Why is it always me who gets to hang off a damned cliff?" A man turns his head to look at Jesse and growls. It's a goat man! It raises clawed hands at him!!! Kevin Sorbo as Hercules comes running over a hill. "Don't worry. I'll help you!" "Doc..." Jeremy gasps, "Who're you?" "Not your doc, who ever he is. I'm ...Hercules." "Hercules?" Jesse gasps, "It's teen Hercules and he looks like Ryan Fucking Gosling, back when he was hot!" "I'm not Australian. I'm Scottish. On my mum's side. Like my 7th and 19th self." "Jeremy! It is you again! You're back! I was so hoping!" Xena's son smacks a kiss on Jeremy and lands one so hard on him, they both fall. They wrestle and kiss at the same time! "SOLAN!" Doctor: The Rani's getting married! What is the universe coming to? Rani (Male) : I'm not getting married! Doctor: NOW THAT'S THE RANI I KNOW AND LOVE! Rani: (female, first version): You're as irritating as ever, Doctor (points her own sonic screwdriver at him!) Doctor: Oh yes! Now we've got...the two Rani's! There's a tv show in there! Pompeii as ash flies everywhere and the Doctor opens the TARDIS doors and sees two boys and Donna, "Get in, kids!" Donna: Doctor (with admiration) Doctor... Doctor: Hello again, Donna. Donna: I blooming, bleedin love you. Doctor: I know. A swamp in Florida and a chain gang of teens juveniles... Jesse: Why do I have to clean out this swamp? A guard hits him on the back with a whip and a gun. He falls into the water. Under the water, Jesse stares into eyes...of a swimming Marsh man! He yells. Paul Telfer Doc meets his other selves, "Now, now, now, listen to me. I know better. You are all the younger me's so please, let me tell you what we're doing to do..." "Kill our anti matter selves, obviously," the Fourth Doctor blurted. On Earth in a temple: Sister hood member: Ohica it's the Doctor. I told you, it's him. Doctor: Hello, Ohica! Remember me? Ohica: How could I forget? Jesse: (running at the Doctor) Doctor! Doctor! The kidnapped girls, they're back there... Doctor: So the Sisterhood's kidnapping girls now are they and from Earth? Ohica: Doctor, we need new recruits... Doctor: (pointing) Sisters, Ohica, I WARN YOU! I WON'T ALLOW IT! "I am the Doctor, Jeremy. It's still me inside. It's still you inside me or me inside you or..." Jeremy laughs. "I'm the Doctor whether you like it or not." "OHH," Jesse says, "I like!" "He's known as the Tester! He tests things, doesn't he, well don't you?" Jesse: You know him? Doctor: Never met him before in my lives. And I like it that way! "I am called the Torturer" Jeremy: Why are you called that? The Torturer throws an electric net over the Nick Hoult Master, who falls under the current flowing through it...and him. He drops his cigarette pack. The Doctor runs to the Master, "C'm'here, son," and he hugs the Master, who cries in his chest. Swinging on a rope across a chasm in a manmade building, lava below, sparking controls above and flying creatures all around, Jeremy holds on tight behind the Doctor, "Hold on tight, Jeremy! Tighter, you know how I love your grip!!!" Jeremy puts his head into the Doctor's back. Hawaii in a cave: the Doctor holds a torch up. Jeremy says, "Hey, you think we'll get to see Vincent Price?" Jesse: or maybe the Tiki, I mean that's where you find cursed statues, isn't it? Or at the very least a tarantula, you know like a giant spider. Doc tells them to shut up laughingly; Doctor in the water in a speedo: looking at: a shark being... "We are Pescatons, Doctor...but..." "Live in peace, Pescatons? Really?" "Hello Adam." "Doctor, it's it is you!" "Yes." "New face?" "New body, too." "I like!" "Welcome to Ribos, Jeremy, Jesse, Adam..." "This, my boys, is Tara. I have some unfinished business with one Count Grendel." "Doctor, Grendel's an old man by now and ruling peacefully." "Really? I don't believe it." Grendel, young again, comes at the Doctor with a saber. "It's a robot!" Jesse yelled. Doctor: Joan Redfern, you were my first love (looks at her lovingly) Jeremy: His memory's faulty... Timmy: Doctor, take me with you... Doctor: Come aboard... Brigadier: The Doctor's not evil. Jeremy: You're not listening to me, Brigadier. We were on Zeta Minor, an anti matter planet. The person doing these murders and such is not the Doctor, he's an anti matter Doctor, he's the Doctor but he's not, understand?" Brigidier: No. But that's never stopped me before. Sarah Jane: I was on that planet and I still don't get it. A meteor comes crashing down toward Earth! On a street where machine are riding, trucks spray smoke. The Doctor stands, "Get away from the smoke, all of you!" Jesse: Doctor, it's the 1970s from what I was told they used to spray these bug killing insectids everywhere! Doctor: Yes but what a way for an alien force from space to take over. Ever see the movie KILLDOZER? This is the same force! Jesse: NO, can we get it on Ioffer.com? Jesse: Doctor, that's a church... Jeremy: and that's a steeple...and... Doctor: You open the doors and see all the people... Jesse: All being just six... Jeremy: Is that? Doctor: the Kandy Man! "RUN!" The Doctor is chased by a titanic slug with wings and a beak across several boats raised on blocks and not far from a pier. He hops across from one to the other. The thing smashes each one in turn. The Doctor jumps across one to a larger ship moored to a pier. Jeremy, Jesse, and the Doctor run across a bridge, which is collapsing and being bombed at the same time! The trio run out of a tunnel and a fire storm follows. They duck to one sided as it passes. Jesse: (and Jeremy in the TARDIS, the doors open, the TARDIS flying near the Doctor): "Doctor!!!!" "Don't touch the wires, they're lethal!" The Anthony Ainley Master laughing. The Doctor, muscled body, slightly hairy, with a trail from navel down, totally naked, suspended in the fiery sky, yellow, red, orange, and blue and white clouds all around, wires from his palms and feet holding him in place! Jeremy: Who's done this to you? Doctor: I think Adric! Jeremy sees a horse, the head showing at a stable door top which was open. Jeremy opens the bottom and sees the horse is an alien with a humanoid shaped body. He jumps back and a human, shaped like a horse and with four legs instead of two and no arms, comes up behind him and snorts at him! Nude. Jeremy turns around and yells. Jesse: You mean... Doctor: Exactly! On this planet, the horses ride the humans! Interesting, isn't it? Jeremy: (enthusiastic) Yeah! Huh uh... "I will kill your friends Jeremy and Jesse if you don't..." Doctor: "Jeremy! Jesse! Oh no. I'm sorry, boys, it's been nice knowing you..." "DOCTOR!" TARDIS tumbling through space!