Date: Sat, 16 Jun 2007 13:30:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mark <rahvin747@yahoo.com>
Subject: Facing Faris - chapter 2

Disclaimer : This is a fiction story and is not meant to imply anything
about the sexuality of Sean Faris.


Ryan walked down the street slowly. He had decided to walk the short
distance to the bakery, mostly because he considered it a travesty to hire
a cab for a measly half mile walk, and also because it gave him some time
to think. It had been three days since his presentation, which had gone
very well. The answer hadn't inspired him - they said they'd let him know
within a week. Sadistic bastards. Each day seemed to drag and he found that
even the most distracting activities seemed to end up inevitably with him
brooding over the interview. He'd analyzed his answers to their questions
several hundred times, trying to find reasons they wouldn't want to
contract his company, and yet he couldn't find any. But then why the hell
were they taking so long?

He looked at the baguette he'd purchased and rolled his eyes. Making an
event out of going to the bakery was now the low point which he'd reached
in trying to distract himself. It was worse though - he couldn't sleep. It
was just past six in the morning and here he was on the sidewalk like a
fucking lost sheep. He hadn't risen this early in the morning for so many
days in a row since high school.

Yet he knew it wasn't just the job which pulled at his mind. It was
Sean. Something about last week's encounter had been roaring through his
mind like a furnace. He was genuinely worried that the encounter would have
messed with his presentation, but he'd managed (surprisingly) to push it
out of his mind. It had come back with a vengeance, though. He remembered
going home emotionally exhausted after the interview, only to collapse on
his couch. As he started to watch TV the whole scene crashed down on him
like a ton of bricks, and he shot up trying to anxiously dissect the scene
and get to the bottom of what plagued Sean.

The scene remained with him over the next few days. He hadn't got any
closer to resolving his doubts regarding Sean. Was Sean caught in a
conundrum over having a gay friend and hating gays? Or was he in love with
him but couldn't face it? Or perhaps he wanted to beat the shit out of him,
but considered the implications if the media found out. It was all very
perplexing. His hopes of seeing Sean again started to fade with each
passing day, and he started to relish his encounter with a really good
looking and friendly guy rather than get into an insane depressive spiral
of what might have been, or any of that other silly crap. Normally he was
successful, but once in a while he found his mind regressing and focussing
on that beautiful smile he'd seen, those amazing eyes. With a groan of
mixed lust and vexation he pushed the image out of his mind, only to have
his thoughts shift automatically to his job.

After he got home, he started to butter a piece of his baguette, and he put
a plum on the plate next to it to console himself that he was at least
attempting to be healthy. He sat down at his dining room table, and became
uncomfortably aware of the emptiness of his apartment. It was strange how
one's dark thoughts seized any weakness to express themselves. He took a
bite of his baguette and barely managed to swallow the small piece he'd
chewed off. His appetite was absent - there were just too many things
bugging him at the moment.

"If I know that, then why the fuck did I buy you?!" he said to the baguette
angrily. Its silent reply spoke volumes.

He made an attempt to eat a piece of plum, but realised that the food
didn't make a difference - he didn't want to eat anything. With a terrible
curse he threw the plum at high speed out of the window, and listened in
horror as a woman screamed a few seconds later. He remained paralyzed to
the spot for a few seconds, then a smirk appeared on his face, which slowly
spread to a smile. In moments he was laughing, and suddenly he was laughing
so hard his stomach started to pain, and he found himself collapsing onto
the floor shaking with hysterics. After a few minutes his breathing
returned and he wiped the tears away from his eyes, with a few aftershocks
still rattling him with a chuckle or two.

"What the fuck am I doing?" he said ruefully to himself. It was so
ridiculous that he'd allowed those two events to bring him down in
flames. For the first time he questioned his coping mechanisms. He really
hoped they were sufficient, because if these small things could reduce him
to a wreck he didn't know what a real disaster would do. He lay there for a
few minutes staring at the white ceiling, which had suddenly become very
interesting.

With a scoff he climbed to his feet. He decided to make something of his
day. He could catch up with some data analysis on his laptop, but he
thought that delving into his work would be more counter-productive than
anything else. He decided to go watch a movie - he didn't really care
what. It would take him about an hour to walk there, and that means he'd be
in time for the early show. As he walked out the door his eyes caught sight
of the framed picture of his mother and father. He shook his head
woefully. It had been very long since they'd spoken, but he kept the
picture to remind him that he still had parents.

He ran down the stairs two steps at a time. It was a habit one quickly
picked up when one lived in the penthouse but was afraid of elevators. He
walked along the sidewalk which was rapidly becoming busier as people
started heading off to work. He was approaching Becky's but with luck he
could mingle with the sidewalk crowd and she wouldn't see him. He wouldn't
stop by today, which was very rare in its self - but there it was. He was
no more than fifty feet from Becky's when he saw Sean walk out, his head
hung low and with disappointment etched on his face. Ryan froze instantly
in his tracks and he was sure that his heart and lungs followed the example
set by his feet.

"You've got to be shitting me!" he muttered to himself softly.

Something made him very wary of the situation. Sean was unaware of him, and
he seemed to not know which way he should turn now that he'd exited
Becky's. There he stood in his sanded blue jeans and his grey tracksuit top
with another vague baseball cap looking as hot as ever, but at the same
time trying to normalise his stunning good looks and blend in. Ryan decided
to quickly cross the road and avoid Sean. He felt uneasy, and something
about Sean's body language made him seem even worse off emotionally than
the previous encounter. He turned as surreptitiously as possible to avoid
attracting Sean's focus. As if the gods were pissing on him, he heard his
name shouted from the left - loud and clear. He didn't even need to turn to
know that Sean had seen him, but he felt irritated that his covert efforts
sucked so badly.

Ryan eventually turned to his left, slowly and nonchalantly. He didn't want
to seem too enthusiastic to see Sean, especially because he had already
seen him, and also because of the previous time they'd met. He didn't know
if Sean was going to rape him on the sidewalk or try to gut him with some
sort of creative weapon. His eyes widened before he could stop them as he
saw Sean literally sprint up to him. He leaned on his back foot, almost at
the point of raising his hands to defend himself before it was too
late. Sean stopped short with a wide smile, but he was panting for air
hungrily.

"Hey Ryan," he said simply. He placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder and leaned
forward to breathe in deeply, trying to catch his breath. Ryan felt his
whole body gravitating towards the grip of that hand on his shoulder. He
could feel the strength of that grip, but at the same time he felt as if
his shoulder had touched a high voltage line. His breathing accelerated
before he could stop it and his heart bounded at his mere proximity to
Sean's face.

"Hi Sean," he said coolly, but stopped short of being rude. Good. He'd
managed to betray every single emotion going through his body. He'd taken a
volcano of lust and emotion and transferred it to an icy greeting fit for a
bastard. That made him the perfect idiot in his opinion, but it was too
late to rectify the error. He still wasn't sure of Sean's motives.

Sean seemed to hear the tone of the greeting and his smile slipped
slightly, with his eyes looking at the sidewalk. He removed his hand from
Ryan's shoulder and put it in his pocket. Put it back on my shoulder! He
felt like screaming.

"I... I'm really sorry about my behaviour last time, Ryan," Sean said
softly, but it was obvious he was relieved to say it.

"Yeah, what was with that?" Ryan asked, and he couldn't keep the irritation
from his voice. He wasn't angry - he'd forgiven Sean as soon as he'd seen
him, but Sean had after all been responsible for days of speculation and
torment.

"I just have some problems that I'm trying to work through," he said. It
was an evasive answer, and worst of all, it didn't settle his doubts, but
opened up an ocean of possibilities. Well at least Sean wasn't going to hit
him. "Okay?" he said after the silent delay, and he looked into Ryan's
eyes. Ryan could sense terrible vulnerability in him at that
moment. Something really was affecting him badly!

"Sure Sean," he said with a warm smile. It wasn't necessary to hurt the
guy, and it definitely wasn't fine to let the topic go - but he felt that
discretion in this area was wiser than jumping into some sort of full blown
conflict on the sidewalk. Sean would speak about his problems when he was
ready. Ryan had a warehouse full of his own problems, but he knew Sean
wouldn't bore into them - so he provided the same courtesy. "I'm not a
difficult guy," he added.

Sean visibly exhaled and relief covered his face. He looked into Ryan's
eyes, but Ryan found that he couldn't cope with the gaze or its
implications, and he diverted his gaze. "So," Ryan said with a cough. "We
are you coming from?" he said, as if he didn't know.

"I thought you might be in Becky's," he said. "I asked where you live, but
she refused to tell me. She was pretty rude," he said with a frown.

"Becky's protective," he replied with a smile, more for himself than
Sean. He could imagine her affront at being asked the question. She
cherished his address as if it was the location of Mount Olympus or some
other mystical treasure, and he was sure her eyes would shoot fireballs at
anyone who tried to take that privilege away from her.  "She's a good
person, you'll learn to like her a lot."

"Yeah," Sean replied, who seemed not to be interested in Becky at all. "So
what you doing on the streets so early?"

"Well I..."

"Did you get that contract?" he interrupted suddenly. Ryan found himself
wanting to laugh but remained polite and smiled.

"Uh, I'm waiting for it, Sean. It went well, but they told me they'd let me
know within a week."

"Awesome," he replied with a nod.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked.

Sean wiped his forehead. It was a cool summer's morning but he was
sweating! "Fine, I'm fine," he said.

"I was going to go watch a movie," Ryan said, and Sean frowned at him. "In
reply to your first question."

Comprehension dawned on Sean's face. "Oh, right. What you going to watch?"

"I dunno," Ryan said. "I just felt like getting out a bit. Want to come
along?"

"Come along?" Sean said with wide eyes, and he looked like an animal
looking for a path to flee.

"To the movie," Ryan added simply.

"Well I can't. I mean, I can!" Sean blubbered awkwardly. Ryan seemed to
make Sean extremely self-conscious. He didn't know why - whether Sean had
feelings for him, or whether her was genuinely anxious about being alone
with a gay guy.

"Okay, let's go," Ryan said with a kind smile.

They started walking to the movies. Ryan took time to enjoy the summer air,
which was fresh and crisp on his skin. He felt the soft breeze licking the
exposed skin on his lower arms, not too hot or cold, but
comfortable. Having Sean walk next to him was awesome. To be near him made
Ryan feel warm and content. Everything seemed better - the sunlight seemed
to radiate with a soft golden light, and the sky was bluer than ever, the
leaves of trees more beautiful than he'd ever noticed before. He was
falling for Sean, beyond any doubt. He didn't know him very well, but he
knew. He just knew that Sean was someone he desired greatly. He was hot -
so damn hot, but he also seemed to have a soft and mischievous personality
which Ryan found magnetic, to put it mildly. He glanced subtly to his
right. Sean had been silent for a few minutes now, and even though he
enjoyed the guy's company, he also found it awkward and disconcerting to
walk in silence with a near stranger. Sean looked straight ahead, his face
seemed tense. His hands were in his pockets, but his entire body language
shouted of insecurity, as if he was a wound up coil. If Ryan didn't know
better, he'd think Sean didn't want to be around him.

"You're acting very strangely," Ryan said blatantly. He decided to get it
out into the open, because it was becoming mildly irritating.

Sean's head swung in his direction and he focussed on him with wary,
wide-open eyes. "Shit, I'm so sorry, Ryan. I just have a lot of personal
issues at the moment."

"Well you said that last time," Ryan said pointedly. "I've told you before,
you can talk to me about your problems."

"I can't," Sean said stubbornly and with a shake of his head, as if trying
to convince himself more than Ryan. "Just trust me, I'd rather be here than
any other place in the world, so don't take it personally."

Ryan smiled at the comment - it wasn't vague. Sean picked up on it again,
and once again a look of great regret flashed across his face and he rubbed
his eyes, as if he was tired and not thinking properly. So, he hadn't meant
to say that... again. Ryan was pretty sure Sean liked him, but he also
sensed huge conflict in the guy walking beside him. Ryan was hungry for a
relationship - he yearned for it, and Sean seemed to be a great catch, but
he refused to initiate anything with a guy dominated by doubt and
regret. It would lead to some sort of twisted emotional rollercoaster, and
a tragically short relationship.

"Okay," Ryan said warmly, and still with a smug smile which he hoped Sean
would see. "But even though you have these 'problems', I don't like to see
you like this. So try to have some fun, okay?"

"Okay," Sean replied with a blush, clearly abashed that he'd caused Ryan
some discomfort. "What do you want to see?"

"I don't even know what's showing," he replied. "You a fan of the Fantastic
Four?"

"Well, I saw the first one. It was okay, I guess."

"Want to see the sequel?" Ryan said.

"I don't really mind what we see, I'm not here for the... I mean, I don't
really mind what we see." Sean coughed uncomfortably, but he did seem to be
relaxing slightly.  His hands had finally revealed themselves from his
pockets, and Ryan thought greedily how strong and purposeful they
seemed. It was his turn to shake his head to clear his mind of such
thoughts. At this rate, he would jump Sean, and he was pretty sure that the
guy was NOT ready for that!

They arrived at the relevant place about twenty minutes later, and Ryan
could still sense the discomfort which permeated the situation. He
purchased two tickets for the early show, and ignored Sean's protest that
he pay his own way, with a dismissive smile.

"I'm sure I'll survive the financial shock," he told him coyly.

"That's not the point," Sean said with a smile.

They went and found their seats and waited for the lights to dim. They
hadn't really considered getting something to eat or drink, considering
breakfast was a recent event.  The cinema was empty as he expected it
would, except for perhaps two other people in the second row from the
front. They might have been mannequins for all the movement they made.

"I hope you get that job," Sean whispered to him. Ryan shivered. Sean was
close enough for his breath to touch Ryan's ear. Ryan suddenly felt out of
control. His heart started to beat heavily and a dizzy feeling swept over
him, as if he was suddenly falling from a great height. He knew this
feeling. He'd experienced it before on rare occasions. It was love. It was
lust. It was everything which went along with intense physical attraction
to a person. He reconsidered kissing Sean and seeing what would happen, if
only to clear his own sanity and perhaps prevent himself from losing out in
the long run.

"Thanks," he replied with a breathy and strained croak. He shook his head
imperceptibly and dismissed the thought of seizing Sean and having his way
with him in this dark cinema. "I'll have to wait a little longer, but it
makes it easier to have some company while I do it. Take off your cap,
dumbass. No one will recognise you here."

Sean smiled in the darkness and Ryan could see the glint of his eyes as
they stared at him. They seemed to bore into his soul, to betray his
external composition. He took off his cap and Ryan smiled at Sean's untidy
hair. Sean seemed to be terrified of the idea of intimacy, but his eyes,
his mind, his heart - all were bursting and fighting the chains which held
them back. They watched the movie which Ryan thought was pretty
impressive. Sean seemed to enjoy it too, but Ryan caught him staring at his
hand several times during the movie. Did Sean want to hold his hand? Could
he be that romantic? Ryan laughed to himself, but showed no outward sign of
amusement.  After the movie they spent the duration of the walk home
discussing various aspects of the movie. Ryan was openly amused at Sean's
dramatic recollections of aspects of the story. His vivid portrayal of the
action scenes on the sidewalk attracted the attention of more than one
pedestrian who thought that a mental patient must be on the loose.

"I better calm down," Sean said softly, after an old woman looked at him
grimly, clearly with half a mind to call the police as he pretended to use
his powers on her.

"Yes," Ryan replied with a smile. "Your baseball cap will mean squat if you
continue to run amok like this."

They eventually arrived at his apartment, and Ryan invited Sean up for
coffee. He accepted graciously and as they entered, Sean made his way to
the elevator.

"Uh, I take the stairs," he said gently, already making his way to the
staircase.

"As part of a work out?" Sean asked with confusion.

"No, I'm ... well... it's..."

"You're afraid of elevators," Sean said with a beaming smile. Ryan hadn't
seen him so amused since he'd met him. His smile was devastating, and the
curve of his smile, and his white teeth were almost overwhelming.

"Well yes, but I don't appreciate being mocked because of it," he said with
mild affront.

Sean walked up to him, and threw his arm around his neck as if trying to
wrestle him to the ground. Instinctively he grabbed Sean's arm as if
preparing to hold off a mock fight, but Sean was strong and he was laughing
- which made Ryan laugh, and inept as a warrior. "That's
like... so.... cute," Sean said with laughter all over his voice.  "It's
like a little kid and his fear of monsters."

"Motherfucker," Ryan muttered with fake anger, and Sean laughed
maniacally. His face was being crushed into the right side of Sean's chest,
and his grip was as strong as ever. He couldn't see anything but he could
feel Sean leading them up the steps, despite his ardent efforts to unravel
his hold on him.

"Now, now," Sean said in a rueful parental voice. "Don't make me wash out
your mouth with soap." His tone was infuriatingly smug, but Ryan found
himself lost in the moment. "Hmm, the first floor," Sean continued after a
while. "I think I should release you, or I'll spend all day guessing where
you live."

His grip softened and Ryan sprung free, in a valiant effort to convince
potential onlookers that he'd determined his own freedom, and to regain his
dignity. He looked at Sean with malice, but the guy leaned against the wall
with that smug grin painted all over his face.

"You... you..." Ryan was spluttering.

"Me," Sean said simply.

With a stoic breath, Ryan walked past him. "Follow me, asshole," he
said. They walked up to the tenth floor and he unlocked the door to the
apartment.

"Fucking hell, why didn't you choose the first floor if you don't want to
use the elevator!" Sean said in exasperated and exhausted tones.

"This is the penthouse, pretty boy. It's better and bigger than everything
below us."

Ryan went to turn on the kettle and Sean meandered around, examining the
contents of the apartment - looking at his art, his ornaments, his books,
everything with keen interest. Ryan decided to throw a spanner in the
works.

"Chris Evans was fucking hot, hey?"

Sean turned slowly, and instantly he seemed to tense up. His reaction was
very interesting, but not unexpected. "I don't really have any thoughts on
the matter," he said without looking at him. Suddenly Sean found the
painting on the wall closest to him to be intensely interesting.

"Really?" Ryan said with coy amusement. What a liar. He was going to crack
this situation right now if it killed him. "He was hot, so hot. You
wouldn't believe the thoughts that ran through my head when I saw him
shirtless."

Sean continued to stare at the painting as if it was a masterpiece
original. "That's nice," he said, but his voice was carrying a mountain of
anxiety.

Ryan walked up to him stealthily. He whispered into his ear softly. He was
so close to touching his ear, he was worried he would do so by
accident. "I've had thoughts about you which are similar to those. Except
maybe a million times more powerful."

Ryan couldn't see his face but his chest was heaving, and he sensed that
his eyes had closed. Suddenly he turned around, and there was anger on his
face. "Listen to me, asshole," he said, and his face was twisted with rage.

Ryan expected this and before he allowed this volcanic launch to occur, he
decided to cut it off at the knees. He pushed Sean back forcefully and he
smashed into the wall, sending the painting falling to the ground with
crack as the frame gave way. Shock was etched on Sean's face as if he
couldn't believe what had just happened. He wasn't finished. He walked up
to Sean, and watched as he swallowed nervously. He put his hand on Sean's
chest and felt the heaving, strong muscles beneath his shirt.

"You're so full of shit," Ryan said with grim determination. Sean's mouth
dropped as if he wanted to say something, but was still caught up in the
situation and the way it had turned out. "If you're straight, then I'm
married with four kids." Anger passed over Sean's face, but was gone in an
instant. He was so close to breaking. He was terrified of being seen for
what he was, and now he was throwing his final barriers up, his most potent
and desperate defences. He was hurling anger and rage, and Ryan knew Sean
was close to physically attacking him. It would be the logical thing to do
to get out of the situation. If he could just break down this final wall,
he knew he and Sean had a chance.

"I like you, Sean... I really like you," he said staring into Sean's
piercing eyes. The words were like daggers. They seemed to drain the
strength from him, and Ryan thought the guy might collapse if it wasn't for
his hand pressing on his chest. "But I'm not going to do anything unless
you say you like me too."

He moved closer to Sean until his face was only a few inches from
Sean's. He was so close to him now it was difficult to remain focussed. His
face was unbelievable. He was stunningly good looking - every feature of
his was of outstanding perfection. He could see Sean's lips with a slight
tremor running through them, and he suddenly felt a pang of guilt for doing
this to the guy. It lasted for a short time, though. He wanted to help the
guy, and this was tough love in its most exposed form. He moved close until
he was right in front of Sean. He surely thought that he intended to kiss
him, and Ryan could sense him tense up, he could feel Sean's raging heart
throbbing against his chest. He knew Sean wanted it desperately but he
wouldn't go further without some form of confession on Sean's part. That
was a small price to ask for a relationship. I like you. You like
me. Great, let's date.

He looked into Sean's eyes, and all he could see was fear. Tears glistened
in his eyes.  He was so close, damn it, he was so close to saying it. "Just
say it, Sean. Say you like me, or kiss me, I don't mind. Just show me that
you're game," he said seductively while looking at Sean's mouth. He licked
his lips slightly as if to invite Sean, and he could see that Sean was
having a world war of emotions inside his body.

He thought he'd been successful and was about to congratulate himself, when
suddenly a huge force hit him. He flew across the room and slid along the
kitchen floor with a grunt. He looked up, and drew a deep breath, only to
see Sean standing there leaning against the said wall, his eyes fearful and
his hands trembling. Holy shit, the guy was strong!

"I can't!" he shouted. Ryan had never heard so much conflict in a someone's
voice.  Sean hated his existence at that moment, hated what he'd done. Ryan
didn't feel pain, mostly because he was so focussed on the guy he cared
for.

"Sean..."

"I can't, Ryan! It's not me! It can't be!" At that moment Sean couldn't
maintain it anymore and tears slid simultaneously from both his eyes. His
face was screwed up with grief, and in moments he was weeping openly as he
slid down the wall to sit on the floor in his broken state.

Ryan's heart instantly panged with severe feelings of grief. He wanted to
cry for Sean.  He could see a man in conflict, a guy who knew what he
wanted but felt trapped by expectation and limitations. He leaped up, and
his chest pained with the memory of Sean's titanic push. In an instant he
was next to Sean, and he stroked the back of his neck. He wanted to provide
the support and reassurance he knew Sean thought he didn't have.

Sean's tears started to slow as he felt the caress, and he leaned his head
towards Ryan's arm, resting it on his forearm. His face showed so much
bliss as it lay there he could scarcely believe it. Sean was into him much
more than he'd first anticipated. He stroked Sean's cheek with his free
hand and Sean murmured happily.

"No!" Sean shouted abruptly, and leaped to his feet, causing Ryan to fall
back splayed on the floor for the second time. If it had been any other
time, he would have appreciated the guy's strength with a thorough
examination. Sean raced to the door and fumbled with the doorknob and tore
the door open. His sobs echoed from the steps and Ryan could hear the huge
leaps he made in his fight to escape the building.

Ryan sat there for a few moments in shock. He looked to his left and saw
the steam rising from the boiling kettle. He slowly got to his feet and
closed his front door, and made his way to the kitchen. He calmly made
himself a cup of good coffee, all the while replaying the incident in his
mind. He looked up and out the window, and surveyed the city skyline
blankly.

"Fuck!" he roared.

*********************************************************************

End of Chapter 2

Thanks for any comments I have received. If you like the way the story is
going send me an e-mail to rahvin747@yahoo.com