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Fate Brought Billy Gilman to Me
By Paul S. Stevens
After a very pleasant evening of reminiscing about the day and laughing over Billy's unusual proposing style, Billy and I headed for the bedroom. The time had come to acknowledge the enormous elephant in the room. We were both silent as we stripped and crawled into bed together. We both knew what we needed to do and neither one of us wanted to get the project started and the potential argument that goes with it. Billy and I both hate confrontations, but we both realized that there was no avoiding the issue. If Billy was going to maintain some kind of control over the subject, he had a small window of opportunity to steer it in the right direction. On the other hand, I didn't want this to drag on all night either, so I went ahead and started things off.
"I can't stop thinking about this awesome ring you bestowed on me today," I began, starting off our conversation on a lighter note. "I've never been much of a wearer of jewelry, so having something on my finger like this is like having a continuous reminder of your love, touching my heart, twenty-four hours a day. I feel like I'm living in a fairytale. My head is still spinning from the unique way you unexpectedly proposed. I'm just afraid that I'm going to wake up soon and discover that it was all a dream."
"Barrett," Billy said. "Both of us are living that same fairytale. I feel the same way you do and I'm blessed that you said `Yes' and then you said `Yes' and then you said `Yes' again... and then..."
"Yeah, okay, I get it!" I interrupted. "I was in shock, all right."
"Yes... yes... yes..." Billy teased.
I deliberately punched Billy in the arm for tormenting me about my temporary loss of composure.
"You know, Billy," I said, getting serious for a minute. "When we get married, our marriage will automatically become a matter of public record."
Billy turned silent for a minute and then looked up at the ceiling. "I didn't think things through very well, did I?"
"It's okay," I assured him. "It's not like the justice of the peace is going to advertise our union on the evening news."
"It doesn't matter as long as I'm doing the right thing," Billy said. "I am doing the right thing, right?"
"Oh, hell yes," I stated. "And here's why!"
I reached under the covers to fondle Billy's love stick.
"You are the hottest and sexiest man alive," I said, "And I'm so glad your mine."
As my hand approached Billy's package, I discovered that Billy was already sporting a rock-solid boner. As I took his cock into my hand, it was hard and throbbing simultaneously with the beat of his heart. Then, I was surprised to discover that it was already leaking a considerable amount of pre-cum.
Billy and I hadn't gotten down to the main purpose of our conversation yet, and the way I was feeling, and the way Billy was responding, it was just going to have to wait until some other time. Right now, my mind was on other things.
"As you just discovered, I think you're sexy too," Billy informed me. "Actually, I think you're too sexy for words, so I'm going to stop talking now!"
Billy then pulled me closer to him and planted one of his famous Billy Gilman kisses on me. I sprang an instant boner from Billy's intimate gesture. It was an aphrodisiac that I've never been able to build up even the slightest immunity against. As he held me in his hypnotic lip lock, he reached down to discover what his gesture had caused me to produce, and now that we were both rock hard and ready to go, our sexy lovemaking journey `without words' was well underway.
"Would you...," I began to say, still intertwined in Billy's kiss. Billy immediately put his index finger between our lips.
"Shhh...," he sloppily whispered as our kissing conversation became awkward. "Don't say it. Just do it!"
I gently terminated Billy's kiss and threw off the bed covers to expose our two naked bodies. I rolled over on top of my lover and straddled his chest as I began my erotic trek down Billy's sexy body.
I briefly nibbled on his stubbly chin as I worked my way down to his neck. When I reached his Adam's apple, I sensuously licked it. My sweet tongue action caused him to chuckle, making it jiggle and bob uncontrollably. I never realized how sexy that little throat buoy could be as I tickled and teased him into a series of rhythmic spasms. The movement of Billy's small throat organ vibrated against my tongue as Billy's voice box responded unintentionally with sexy fits of laughter. I thought about staying there a lot longer as I started to get turned on by continuing to torment Billy's throat jockey, but there was a lot more of Billy's body to cover if I was going to get him to feed me his rich creamy load, and I was intent on getting it.
I moved down some more, and stopped in the middle of Billy's chest. I took great pleasure in snagging the few stray hairs on Billy's nearly hairless chest between my teeth, gently pulling on them just enough to get Billy to grunt from the affectionate stimulus. This was turning out to be a very different kind of foreplay for me. That was okay. I was offering Billy a whole new range of sensations that he may not have ever experienced before.
Next, I headed for Billy's bellybutton. I was treated to some great `Billy musk' that was infused with his favorite cologne. Wow, was it powerful! I darted my tongue in and out of that sexy `innie', which was the remnant of what was once Billy's `stem of life'.
After playing around with that for a while, it was only a few short inches to get to Billy's main course. I approached it with a deliberate purpose. I licked my way past Billy's fragrant pubic patch that outlined Billy's most attractive asset and prepared to let loose.
By now, my slow and intentional crawl to Billy's aching cock was taking its toll on his diminishing patience and he was beginning to show signs of losing control. He reached down to stroke himself, but I batted his hand away. I was in control of his cock now. I was about to take total control away from Billy and make his orgasm mine. He was going to freely give me his load, but at the time of my choosing, and not one minute sooner. I would bring him to the edge of insanity and make him beg me to allow him to climax, all the while, making his ball juices boil over with anticipation.
I put Billy's legs over my shoulders and drew his wet column of steel into my mouth, making his entire body stiffen and tense up. As if that weren't enough, I wet the fingers of my left hand and followed the path down to Billy's waiting pucker. I massaged his clenched opening, causing it to surrender to my touch as it seemed to sensuously kiss my fingers. I rolled my tongue around the head of Billy's sensitive glans in an attempt to distract his attention as I prepared to enter Billy's back gate. As I pushed in, it seemed to just slide in with welcome ease. My amazing familiarity with Billy's body allowed me to immediately lock in on his elusive `G' spot where I would repeatedly ring his unlisted number, rewarding me with little bits of appetizing delight as I suctioned Billy's flavorful offerings straight from the source.
Billy tried to get up and move into a different position. I held him firmly in place.
"Let me have your cock," Billy said.
"Shhh, don't talk," I said as I momentarily pulled off Billy's feeding stick. "Tonight is all about you... you stud muffin."
"Stud muffin?" Billy wryly questioned.
"Shhh...," I answered quietly, but firmly.
Having him totally subdued, I was now ready to give Billy's prostate an extra firm stroke that caused him to draw in an unexpected deep breath, providing me with yet another taste of warm `Billy Juice' as I resumed nursing his leaking staff.
I had now gotten Billy into a state of deep arousal as his prostate was now ready to explode, and eject what little man-milk was still brewing way down deep within his tightly retracted balls that I hadn't already managed to coax out.
"Oh boy, here it comes," Billy proclaimed. "It's going to be a good one, I can tell."
With Billy's announcement, I started to increase my sucking speed and began to stimulate his prostate with a circular, non-stop motion, applying more pressure as his heart rate began to increase. His breathing escalated and his anal muscle gripped my fingers as if to restrain my movements within his hot, buried interior.
"Oh, man," Billy exclaimed. "I'm going to cum!"
I formed a vacuum around Billy's throbbing cock and darted my tongue across the tip of his piss slit, as if I were going to reach in and lap up the pool of swimmers that were poised and ready to begin their race out Billy's cock and down my throat.
"I'm cumming," Billy said with a torturous tone of urgency. "Here it comes. Get ready! Oh, yeah... here we go!"
I was now going hog wild, stimulating Billy with every ounce of strength I had and I was starting to wonder where my reward was. Then I realized I was over-stimulating my lover and not letting him cum. I really was in control of Billy's orgasm and the cruel streak within me decided to bring Billy to the edge of madness, denying him a quick release. I stopped massaging Billy's prostate and pressed on it firmly to prevent it from contracting, making it impossible for it to trigger the avalanche of cascading events that would inevitably lead to his climax. As I looked up into Billy's face, the extreme stimulation caused Billy's tear ducts to release a stream of waterworks down his cheeks.
"Oh, god," Billy began to chant rather loudly, "I'm cumming, I'm cumming, I'm cumming... I'M CUMMING!"
I began to worry that I might cause my lover to blow a gasket, so I finally allowed Billy to have his orgasm. I released the pressure I was holding on Billy's magic button and relaxed my jaw to release the vacuum around his cock and waited for Billy to give me his prize.
Billy arched his back off the bed and shoved his hips into me, sending his enlarged cock deep into my throat. He tilted his head back and let out the most erotic, sensually charged howl I've ever heard come from a human being. Then he held his breath as he clenched every muscle in his body. Billy fell suddenly silent as several more seconds passed. I could tell by looking into Billy's eyes that his brain was being flooded with sexually charged dopamine, sending Billy into the outer reaches of Nirvana as Billy's balls began to flood my mouth with the sweetest tasting Billy Juice that he'd ever produced.
"Oh fuck," Billy erotically grunted. "Oh fuck, oh... shit, fuck, damn, piss, hell!"
I started to choke as Billy's lack of euphemistic language made me laugh as I was struggling to handle his enormous pent-up load that turned out to be much more overwhelming than I was expecting it to be.
After getting the back of my throat pelted with at least ten jets of Billy's super food, he finally relaxed and drifted back down to the bed, totally out of breath and unable to move. I watched Billy's facial expression as it changed from one of orgasmic overload, to one of peaceful afterglow. After returning from the great beyond, Billy finally spoke.
"Now... what were we talking about before you milked me dry?" Billy asked.
"Yes... yes... yes..." I imitated Billy, reminding him of when he was teasing me earlier.
"Oh, right, my proposal," Billy remembered. "Barrett, being with you feels so right. Why does it have to be such a problem?"
"I think everyone in our situation feels the same way," I stated. "I think that's why there's been such a marked increase in people coming out lately. This year, there have been more celebrities that have come out than ever before, and most of them are being widely accepted. Television stars, sports figures, recording artists, you name it, they've been coming out in droves.
"That's true," Billy said. "But none of them are country music artists, are they? The country music industry is different. It's the one industry that still has its opinions based in the dark ages. Being gay in the country music industry is the one place where it's still the kiss of death to come out. It was true before and it's still true now."
"Okay, Billy. I'm with you," I said. "If that's how you feel, I'll respect your wishes and stick by your side. It's just that, it would be nice not to have to keep away from you when we're out in public, not that I would do anything to draw attention to us. But just being near you causes people to wonder, `hey, who is that guy hanging around Billy?' because, of course, if it's another guy, then Billy must be gay, right?"
"I know how you feel," Billy sighed. "I don't like having to hide who I am either, but I just can't risk it if I'm going to continue to pursue a career in country music. Anyhow, I thank you for understanding, and honoring my wishes. That's just one more reason why I love you so much."
"Well baby, you're the best," I said back. "So, where do we go from here?"
"Let's talk about that tomorrow," Billy yawned. "You really wore me out. I feel like I need to sleep for a week just to recover from your delicious torture."
We turned out the lights, cuddled together and blissfully drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, we woke up rested and ready to take on the world.
"I'm ready to start my new life," Billy said. "Billy Gilman – `Phase Two', here I come.
"Okay babe," I said, propping myself up on my elbows and looking over at my lover. "What's the game plan?"
"Well, I have enough new
material now to make a new album and I think my song `Say You Will', could be the hit song of the album. I just need a major label to sign me and I'm
ready to go. If they won't come to me,
I'll go to them. What I think I need to
do is, go to Nashville and stage a showcase of my best new stuff and invite
every record label in town to come and see what I have to offer. That's the one thing I haven't done yet and I
need to let them know I'm serious about getting back on top again. I'll get a video made of my song, `Say You
Will' right here in
"Would you like for me to go with you?" I asked Billy.
"Absolutely," Billy humbly said. "I'm so glad you offered. I'm going to put everything I've got into this and I'm going to need your help to pull it off."
"You've got it," I enthusiastically answered.
Going with Billy and giving him my full support on his quest was going to require that I quit my job and focus all my attention on helping Billy succeed. Now that the house belonged to Billy, in full, my income wasn't required to pay the mortgage anymore and now I could put all my time and effort into my most important investment, my friend, lover, soul mate and future spouse.
Billy and I got out of bed
and prepared to start getting things rolling.
Billy started making phone calls as preparations were getting made to
book an intimate venue in
By that evening, everyone on Billy's wish list was contacted and personally invited, and the entire event was booked, set, and confirmed. Billy was amazing to watch once he got down to business. His sophistication and charm was intoxicating and his methods and technique were equally impressive. I was starting to get excited for Billy. Anyone attending his showcase would easily see the enormous potential that Billy had to offer their record company and they would, in turn, be foolish to not embrace the opportunity that Billy was affording them.
The following day, Billy and
I were on our way to
Later that night, in our hotel room, Billy continued to keep working on the last minute edits of his `Say You Will' video, tweaking all the details on his laptop, trying to have it perfected for the presentation at Billy's event, which was scheduled to go off as planned the following evening.
Billy's scheduled event went off without a hitch and Billy was at the top of his form. The songs were performed flawlessly, the lighting and sound design was impeccable, and the fans in attendance were excited and amazingly receptive to Billy's new material. The event itself was a complete success and went off like a highly polished concert event. Unfortunately, Billy was devastated and absolutely crushed when he discovered that none of the record labels he had put this whole showcase together for, showed for the event. Not even one record company that had been invited, bothered to send a representative, nor did they have the decency to send so much as an acknowledgement showing any interest in Billy whatsoever. I felt so sorry for Billy and I was at a loss to understand what the hell had happened. This was enormously expensive for Billy and he counted on getting some kind of contract out of it so he could cover the expenses later. He was now going to have to pay for it all himself and this was yet another setback that Billy was going to have to shoulder.
When things had settled down after Billy's event, I could see in his face and actions that he was despondent.
"I'm going to go take a walk," Billy said. "Will you be okay if I take off for a couple of hours?
"Sure," I said to Billy. "I'll be fine. Call me if you need anything. When I'm done here, I'll be in our hotel room."
Normally, I would have asked Billy if he wanted me to walk with him, but it was apparent that Billy needed some `alone time' and I wanted Billy to have his space. Besides, I had my own reason to be alone right now and welcomed the opportunity. There was someone I wanted to call and talk to about what had just transpired with Billy. I hailed a cab and went to our hotel to wait for Billy and to make my personal call. Once I got to our room, I got comfortable, took out my phone and went through my contacts under `D' and found my old friend of the family, Roy Dickerson, and dialed his number. Surprisingly, my call went directly through to Roy himself.
"Oh, hey `B'," he said. "How's it hanging?"
"I'm good, thanks," I
"Oh yeah?" he laughed. "What can I do ya' for?"
"It's about Billy," I confessed.
"Yeah, I thought as much," he sighed.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"It seems that your
boyfriend's name is being bounced around
"Really? What have you heard?" I queried.
"The buzz going around is: `Is he?' or `Isn't he?'
not that anybody who really knows is saying anything," he stated. "It's been said that Billy is living in a
house full of gay guys, and there isn't a single record label in
"That is such bullshit," I said.
"I know, but that's what it is," he sighed.
"That's not fair," I whined.
"Well, I hate to say it, but
I told you so,"
"So then you're saying there's nothing I can do to help Billy?" I asked.
"I really don't know,"
"Yeah," he said. "If only life were that simple."
"Truly," I sighed. "Thanks for your insights. I appreciate it."
"No problem," he said. "I wish you and Billy all the best."
"Thanks," I said. "Take care,
I finished my conversation
with my longtime friend and thought about what he had said. Perhaps
"How are you doing babe?" I sweetly asked.
"I feel like I got sucker punched in the gut and then thrown under a bus... dragged two blocks while it was raining... on a deserted highway... at ... during a lunar eclipse!" Billy said, all with a straight face.
I almost laughed. I held it back the best I could, but nevertheless, a tiny chuckle escaped my lips, for which I profusely apologized.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry Billy," I said, biting my lip.
"What did I miss, Barrett?" Billy wondered out loud, not even acknowledging my slip. "What did I do wrong? What do I do now?"
"I have an idea," I told
Billy. "Let's get out of here and go
home. Before we left to come here, I saw
the request you received from the
"You know, I wasn't even thinking of accepting that gig, but Barrett, I think that's a wonderful idea," Billy agreed. "I think I need to get my mind off of today's disappointment and think ahead to something we can do together that would be fun for both of us."
Billy pulled his phone out
of his pocket and called the airline. In
minutes, Billy had us booked on a flight back to
"I booked us a one-way ticket here, because I was expecting to have to spend time in negotiations with the record label executives after I sorted out the responses from my showcase. Since nothing came of all that effort, there's no reason to stick around here any longer, is there?" Billy thought out loud to me. "I sure wasn't expecting to be going home this soon."
"Don't worry. You didn't do this for nothing," I encouraged. "Something will come of it later. Your lunar eclipse will soon be ancient history."
First thing in the morning,
Billy and I were showered, dressed and ready to head back home, albeit, a bit
broken and discouraged. Billy truly had
no clear path ahead of him now and I racked my brain trying to think of ways to
get Billy back on track again. It was a
complex problem and I suppose it was going to require more time to remedy. At least Billy and I had the
When the day of the festival arrived, Billy and I were both in good spirits and got an early start. We found ourselves a great spot to watch the Columbus Day parade and enjoyed that immensely. After the parade was over, the crowd dispersed and Billy got an idea.
"You know, I have all kinds of pictures of me in the recording studio, on stage in concert, back home on the family homestead, but I don't have any pictures of us. We're going to be getting married soon and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. We need to start building our lives in pictures now. It sounds funny but, as long as we've been together, this is our first, real, official date," Billy explained. "Let's find someone to take our picture."
Billy then looked around and spotted a man coming toward us with an expensive looking camera hanging from around his neck.
"There," Billy exclaimed. "That guy looks like he knows how to take a decent picture."
Billy stopped the guy and asked him if he would take a picture of the two of us. He cheerfully agreed, and Billy pulled out his cell phone, got it set-up and ready to go and then handed it to him. The guy took a couple of pictures on Billy's phone and then took a few of us with his own camera.
I thought it was kind of strange that he would do that. It made me wonder if this guy had recognized Billy and took those shots for himself.
Then the guy handed Billy his phone back and smiled.
"Are you Billy Gilman?" he asked.
"Yes... yes I am," Billy answered.
"I'm doing a report on you next Sunday," he said.
"Oh, great!" Billy said respectably. "I look forward to talking to you then. Thanks for taking the pictures for me."
"No problem," he said. "Enjoy your day."
The guy then walked away and Billy stood frozen in place.
"Crap!" Billy snapped.
We both knew what this meant. It was only a matter a time before the private photographic memories of our official first date would become headline news. The two of us had both become agitated and it ruined the rest of the day for us. We ended up going home directly after Billy made his token appearance. I felt bad because it was on my suggestion that we were even here in the first place. One time being out together was all it took for all of the precautions we so carefully took in the past to come crashing down on us.
It was Sunday night and Billy had a week to decide what he was going to do before the reporter we ran into was going to do the story he had told us about.
Billy and I decided to go to bed early again. Our bedroom seemed to be the one safe haven in Billy's life where Billy's hardest choices and best decisions were made, and tonight was no different.
"Well," I started. "What are we going to do about that reporter?"
"There seems to be only one real choice here," Billy said as he shook his head. "I'm going to have to do it. `Come out' I mean. If I do it now, my fans will hear it from me and not learn it from the media, which will probably be filled with lies."
"I think you're right," I said,
thinking back on our recent history and remembering my conversation with
"I don't want to go on the Today Show or some other talk show," Billy explained. "The only way I'm going to be able to do this my way, with out exploiting Music, or exploiting the Country Music industry for not accepting gay artists, is to release a You Tube video. That way, I can be honest and let my fans know the facts."
Then, Billy turned to me and made his emotional plea.
"Barrett, would you write the script for the video for me?" Billy asked.
"Positively not!" I said with stern conviction. I had never refused Billy anything before and I felt bad for having to do it, but it was for his own good.
"Come on, I need help with this," he said.
"No you don't," I said.
"What do you mean, I don't? I'm telling you, I do."
"What I mean is, you've written award winning lyrics to songs that have enthralled millions, and a speech is much easier to write than the complex rhythmical rhyme and meter of a hit song."
"Well what do I say then?"
"That's just it," I pointed out. "You have to say what you feel. Nobody can do that but you. It has to be real. It has to come from your heart. Your true fans will know the real thing when they hear it."
"I'm scared out of my mind Barrett," Billy confessed. "I don't think I could do it."
"Of course you can."
"No, I can't. The minute I start talking, they'll know I'm scared. My emotions just leak out of me, I can't help it!"
"I know, and you're fans know that too," I pointed out. "You want them to know you're scared and shaken, because it's real."
"They'll just think I'm ashamed. I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed of being a gay male artist, or a gay artist, or a gay person. What I'm ashamed of is being associated with an industry that is ashamed of me for being me."
"Then tell them that! You wouldn't be giving away any secrets about the industry being biased. You have no one to have to protect there who hasn't already written you off."
"Well, what if they say I'm coming out just to try to draw attention to myself or to get famous again?"
"Seriously?" I questioned. "Who would think that? Okay... wait a minute. Maybe me! Face it, if we had never met, and I saw a video of you on You Tube in a `coming out' video, I'd be pissing my pants that my boyhood crush admitted he was Gay."
"Oh my god," Billy laughed. "I can just see you doing that."
"It's not funny," I frowned. "I would also be devastated to know that I couldn't have you. Until I met you, I had no life. You gave my life meaning. Having someone to share your life with is the difference between being alive and just marking off time."
Billy went silent for a moment. Then he took my hand in his and adjusted my engagement ring as he spoke to me directly from his heart.
"I thought I had a great life before I met you," Billy confessed. "You know more about me than my parents do. You know more about me than even Colin does. You know more about me than any person alive. You know all the incredible things that I've done and all the things that have happened, and yet... like you said, sharing my life with you is so much sweeter, so much more exciting and meaningful. I can't imagine you not being in my life anymore. I don't ever want to go back to the way things were before I met you. I don't think I could bear it. I love you so much!"
I was just about in tears from Billy's heartfelt admission. Then I realized that this would be the perfect time to finish what we had started and never finished.
"What about Camera?" I asked.
"Baby, you don't have to worry about that anymore," Billy promised. "That was just me trying to make everybody happy. I've spent my entire life trying to make everybody happy. Most of that was me being guilty for being gay and my parents not accepting of `me being me'. Well, I don't feel guilty anymore, and it's time for me to start being an advocate for me! It may sound selfish, but I'm going to start focusing on making just two people happy. From now on, it's just you and me babe!"
"You are one amazing man, Billy Gilman," I smiled.
"Thank you, Barrett," Billy said. "You've helped me to see what I need to say in my video. I think I can do it now. The question is, when should I do it?"
"Don't worry about that," I said. "When the time is right, you'll know it."
I was somehow able to alleviate Billy's anxieties and put his mind at ease, at least for a while. He pulled me into a hug and we settled down and cuddled together a while until we both dropped off to sleep, leaving the troubles of the world for another day.
To Be Continued ...
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Special thanks to my editors, Hans Schreiber, Flip McHooter and some "manuscript assistance" from a correspondent in Vancouver for their invaluable editing skills that helped improve this story beyond measure.