~>The story written below is purely fictional. Not a fraction of truth is riddled between these words nor does the author imply that there should be. Most of the events in the pages to follow are created in the author's mind and thus should not be taken as fact in any way. He takes no responsibility for any illegal activity such as underage reading because it is done without his knowledge or sanction. The story's solitary intention is that of entertainment and nothing beyond.
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The young rapper arises in the morning to find himself on his bed, not knowing how he got there. He does not remember making the trip from where he was curled up by the front door to the room but it must have happened. There is no other explanation. A headache takes over his head and the room spins a little as he tries to shake them away. Lloyd Banks is late for rehearsal. He oversleeps. He drops back onto the bed and closes his eyes, hoping that the thoughts inside him will stop themselves by any means but it is a battle he will never win. Against his own self, the troublesome rap artist gets out of bed and begins to get his day started, no matter how late he is. It is the only way for him to function properly; if he bombards himself with work, he will have little time to think about things that are going on with himself. The strategy has proven to work before but it is never a guarantee. After a quick shower, change of clothes, and breakfast, energy swarms his body and he feels fresh, new, and revitalized. He will not be broken today.
His rehearsal runs smoothly, like it has been for the past couple days, so he leaves Radio City Music Hall early because he does not feel up to staying to perform a show he already knows like the back of his hand. Because of his newfound free time, the rapper meets up with one of his oldest friend for lunch. Talking to his boy feels like a complete turn around from last night, where he knew he was close to the edge with pain, guilt, shame, and so much more. Banks smiles, jokes around, and laughs with his friend, also remembering what it once used to be like with him and 50 Cent. It bothers him but he does not want it to because thinking about the buff rapper always manages to get him in trouble with himself. It cannot go there again; at least not right now. After a long and much needed break, Lloyd Banks dives back into his career and it steals the rest of the hours of the day away from him. More promoting, general meetings, and getting mobbed by his fans. They are welcomed activities to the unstable G-Unit member. Spending time away from it all is valuable.
The Video Music Awards are only a few days away and it rains hard in New York City as 50 Cent sits in his hotel room, thinking. Against an overtly large window, he watches as the rainwater drenches the city and thinks about why he is the one who always manages to destroy his life. Lloyd Banks is on his mind. Always. The ebony rapper cannot comprehend their last conversation or there is a strong possibility that he does not want to understand it. Some of the things his best friend said to him that night hurt. They hurt badly and 50 does not understand where things went wrong between them. He tries telling himself that he does not need the younger rapper but that gets him nowhere fast. They are best friends. How can they not need each other? The downpour does not concede defeat as he continues to stare outside; his thoughts managing to get the best of his vulnerable state. Things are so complicated. He orders dinner and takes a quick shower before sitting on the sofa and replying to messages left on his phone. The doorbell rings.
"Hey. What you doing here baby girl?" he asks as he sees Olivia looking back at him.
"I was in the neighborhood and just wanted to hang out. You don't mind do you?" she asks him.
Although his mind is shot and company is the last thing he needs because of his vulnerability, he nods. "No," he softly says as his frame unblocks the door and lets her pass.
"You sure? You look upset."
"Okay. How's everything?"
"Everything's going. You know my life."
"The life of Fifty Cent. I'm honored I get to spend time with you," she teases.
"Shut up! You gonna mess with me all night?"
"No. You can relax," she says as they sit on together on the sofa. Olivia looks at the rapper.
"I don't think you're---"
"I don't want to pressure you. You just look different."
"I dunno," the rapper finally confesses. "Things are crazy I guess."
"I know. You have to hang in there."
50 looks sincerely at her. He is sure that he looks defeated but desperately wants to remain strong. "Yea."
"What's going on?"
"Being away from my son. And the stress to always be on top. It's so damn hard."
The first female of G-Unit looks at him, stunned. "You have a son? I didn't know that."
"Yea. Tré . Marquise."
"I can only imagine how hard it must be to try and raise him."
"I could never raise him right. He's with his mother."
"Oh. How old is he?"
"Six. I know I'm gonna let him down."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I am. I know it." The buff rapper purposefully neglects to tell the newest member of his team about Lloyd Banks. Their fight still lingers on his mixed up mind.
"I won't push Curtis. I'm here if you need me but it sounds like you have things you need to sort out on your own."
"Thank you," he sincerely says a she looks at her.
Olivia stares into the dark brown eyes of the superstar rapper sitting next to her and experiences feelings that are known to her. The intimate moment between them never breaks as they continue to stare at each other; 50 has unexplained urges and inconceivable thoughts running through him. He looks at the beautiful, pure girl in front of him. He wants her. To touch her. To taste her. There is no fighting anything anymore. The ebony rapper finds himself moving closer to Olivia. She does not move away because of confusion, excitement, and intrigue. The dormant feelings make themselves known when 50's lips connect to hers. He gently strokes her face with his index finger while their lips passionately touch each other's. Her eyes are closed and mind opened to new possibilities as she explores the man's mouth with her tongue. It is so wrong on a professional level but extremely right on a personal one. She makes him feel good. Her words manage to bring him back from the edge. The kiss stops, because of the implications and repercussions.
"Curtis? What was that?" Olivia uncomfortably and softly asks, looking anywhere but into the man's eyes.
He too is overwhelmed by it all. The night with Banks is happening all over again, meaning he has no explanation for his actions. "I dunno. Something's happening."
"What do you mean?"
50 Cent looks directly into her eyes. "Do you want me?"
"We can't. It's not professional," she starts to reason with herself.
She sighs as she puts her head down. "Yes. I think you're such a good man. I can't help it."
"I want you."
50 reaches over and gently places a finger on her chin, lifting it up to meet his gaze. The intensity is there as Olivia takes the initiative this time and kisses the buff rapper. He does not expect this but gives in to it because it is what he wants. What he needs. The feelings were always there. He knows that now and does not try to hide or cover them up any longer. It is not about that. 50 Cent guides himself back on the sofa with Olivia following suit. Their hands hold on to each other's as he continues to recline back; their lips never come apart. She is now sitting between his open legs and her upper body is pressed against his as they continue to kiss. He wraps his hands around her slim body, caressing her back while both her hands sweetly hold his face close to hers. Every worry is gone now. Lloyd Banks is pushed to the very back of his mind along with every insecurity about failing his son Marquise. The feeling of pleasure is the ebony rapper's only concern now. He wants her. He wants this. He wants everything to go away and it is.
Their kiss innocently evolves in their game of pleasure as the G-Unit rapper utilizes his tongue to bring his new lover pleasure. His tongue tastes her lips before snaking into her mouth, meeting her tongue halfway. Olivia moans lightly as her mouth is being invaded and begins running her hands down the hand and very toned body below her. Her fingers are in heaven as she touches the man personally along his strong arms, chiseled chest, and smooth stomach. 50 Cent begins to fiddle with the buttons of her blouse as she stops him. Their eyes meet for a while before Olivia gently moves his large hands up her flat stomach and over her ample breasts. She moans as he softly cups and squeezes them. His hands feel right on her, like they are meant to be there. A kiss catches her off guard as one of her hand strokes the short hair on the back of his head. 50's fingers continue to touch her breasts while he fights with the buttons to finally get her blouse off. With a little work, it is finally off and a black lace bra comes into view. He takes in the sight in front of him.
The outside world provides a refreshing breeze while the ebony rapper kisses a trail down the body above his. His fingers are busily unhooking the black bra while Olivia's hands clamp on to his shirt and tugs at it. 50 lifts his body up enough so the article of clothing can smoothly slide off his body. The toned and hard body he works excessively to maintain comes into view as the first female of G-Unit attacks his neck with aggressive kisses; her bra is off and thrown to the side. They kiss once again as he switches their position and proceed to unbuckle his own belt. Olivia helps him with the task and when they are finally off, she discards her pants as well. Her panties match her bra and 50 Cent is on top of her in a pair of white Calvin Kline boxers. A huge tent is visible in the front of the boxers as she reaches out and grabs it, much to the satisfaction of her lover. After gaining the courage she needs, her hands pull down his boxers, getting caught on his hard member for a moment. It slaps against his firm torso and she smiles cutely.
Her black panties are the last item of clothing to be removed as the two are still on the spacious sofa making out. Private body parts rub against each other and hands roam places they are not meant to be. The game tricks them and allows for the succumbing of deep and hidden desires. It is forbidden, but that is what makes it the worthwhile experience each body longs for. It was that way with Banks. It was something new and different and spontaneous. 50 never stood a chance to defend himself and the same thing is now replaying itself in his life. And just like before, no second thoughts or doubts enter his mind because control of his own body is out of his grasp. Pleasure is the only registering feeling his brain and body comprehends and he does not deny what he wants. The consequences of his actions will weigh heavily on him tomorrow; not right now. Olivia arches her body up when 50 Cent rubs his thumb over her sensitive nipples. Their bodies press together as he holds her closely while kissing and teasing her lips.
The G-Unit rapper uses his index and middle fingers to trace shapes all along her trim and toned body; slowly working his way down to where he wants it to be. She does not notice this because all her attention is on kissing the man pressed so intimately against her. Tongues flicker and slide against each other in the wicked game of love. Her lips fit perfectly with his. He is so gentle. And so strong. And knows exactly where to touch to please her. 50's other hand strokes her silky hair while his dick is begging him for some attention. When the two fingers finally end their pilgrimage, resting on her lower torso, the ebony rapper puts his premeditated plan into action. While still kissing his lover, his two fingers stray down to her now wet vagina and gently touches it. The two fingers stroke the susceptible opening; Olivia's entire body shivers with anticipation, excitement, and lust as she continues kissing him. 50 Cent continues to please her with his fingers, being extra careful not to go too fast too soon. Pleasure brims and flows over the top.
She moans in the buff rapper's mouth and shivers as she feels two cool digits enter her private opening. He strokes the insides of her body, his fingers slowly becoming moist. Easily, he inserts more of his index and middle fingers into Olivia before slowly moving it in and out. She is tight and moans loudly as 50 begins to stimulate her most private area. His fingers work magic inside her and she aggressively kisses him before spreading her legs apart further to grant her lover better access e is looking for. Her grunts and words of encouragement drive the rapper insane; he wants her and is not sure or how much longer he can hold out. Foreplay consumes him though and his main concentration is making the woman under him feel quality pleasure, which he knows he brings. 50 Cent's fingers are damp as he removes them and leaves Olivia's lips, plotting kisses down her light brown body. No area, from her breasts to navel, is spared from his assaulting lips as her hands grab on to each of his shoulders, pushing him down even further. The game persists.
50 Cent's tongue lashes out in an insistent motion and tastes his female lover. Her eyes close and her body totally gives in to the new pleasure. He licks her intimately and passionately; his tongue follows the path his two fingers not to long ago explored. Olivia grabs on to a nearby pillow on the sofa and squeals as she is being battered in such a personal way. His tongue goes in and out of her vagina, getting more confident with his motions and movements because the only other woman he has ever done this with was Marquise's mother back when they were together a long time ago. She presses her hands against the back of the rapper's head, a strong sign to continue and the only motivation he needs. 50's dick is demanding any kind of attention from him. Precum is leaking from the tip and he feels the frustration flowing through his veins, along with adrenaline. Finally emerging from her fantasy world of bliss and pure lust, Olivia notices this and immediately takes the necessary actions to ensure pleasure to her new lover. Everything will be broken.
The superstar rapper's huge body shifts over on the sofa and Olivia reaches out and wraps her fingers around the man's large dick. She knows she cannot take it all in but she gets to work on it, trying to return some of the pleasure that has already been given to her. Precum touches her lips and tongue as she takes the head into her mouth and sucks it desperately. Her tongue bathes every last inch of 50's dick with spit while it travels up and down his shaft many times over. The leading lady of G-Unit uses her free hand to tickle the rapper's balls; she toys and gently yanks it to bring him even more pleasure as she continues sucking him. He is in heaven. His tongue snakes in and out of her vagina as he feels a warm, wet, and extremely pleasing sensation surround his throbbing member and balls. They continue to suck and lick each other's most private area, too lost in the moment to care about anything else. Their bodies scream for pleasure so the best they can do is to try and satiate their already established cravings. Cravings of lust.
The ebony rapper wants more. His body wants more. He stops and gently moves her body; Olivia takes the hint and gives him his space to get himself situated. Another unaware kiss stings her lips and tongues duel against the other for supremacy and victory. With their lips remaining intact, 50 begins to crawl over her and get himself into position. Her fingers stray across the huge tattoo on his back as he lowers himself and uses his hands for support. A silent nod from the woman under him assures the rap artist that he is doing the right thing and it is what they both want. He grabs his dick at the very base and presses it against Olivia's vagina, while still holding their kiss together. She gives him the access he needs to her body and 50 Cent begins inserting his hard member into her, slowly at first. The sensation of caressing warm flesh comes to him and instantly hooks on to his emotions. He is big and although it starts to hurt her, the pleasure is far more noticeable and enticing. The moment is never-ending as he is penetrating her for the first time.
The warm and burning sensation of heat and friction passes through their bodies as they become rhythmically linked together in a bond that can never be broken. Their hands interlace within each others and their lips are conjoined together as 50 works himself in and out of her. Moans bounce off the walls of the hotel suite as the luxurious sofa becomes christened. Shared friction between the two moving bodies only manage to heighten their experience as Olivia scratches her lover on his back over and over. He is hurting her. The length and thickness of his rod needs to be adjusted to and the first female of G-Unit is having a hard time relaxing her insides to fit him. For better support and possible relieve from the pain she slightly shifts her body and grips her two legs around 50 Cent's lower body. The rapper is bleeding on his back because her scratches are deep but he does not mind; he knows he is big. It is surprising to him that Lloyd Banks was able to take all he has to offer on their first time. Pleasure is his only escape at the moment.
Kisses become more desolate and barren between the lovers as they desperately try to invite more and more pleasure into their already bursting bodies. Fingertips experience sensations unknown to them and goosebumps leave their hollow marks on smooth, even skin as intimacy grows to its peak. 50 Cent forces entry into and out of his lover; the gentle warmness and teasing slowly managing to drive him mad. Low grunts and groans only manages to keep the room from being completely silent as Olivia bits her bottom lips and darts up to meet the ebony rapper in another empty kiss. Her fingernails extract themselves from his tender back and come around to grope her bouncing breasts. Nails torture nipples before she moans out a series of inaudible murmurs and her body takes control from her, convulsing; it has happened four times over during her uncharted course of gratification. The added shaking of her body boosts 50's speed and heightens his pleasure only more. Whatever functioning piece of mind he has left is lost to him in the fog.
His eyes closed, the smooth rapper continues to plow Olivia with all of his strength. Release is so close and acerbically taunting him to the point of insanity. Heat created by their combined bodies almost burns but the sensation is drowned away by satisfaction. In almost a second, 50 Cent feels the twitch he is all too familiar with. What were once long and controlled thrusts have now become uneven, careless, and anxious ones in an attempt to catch the elusive serenity of liberation. His overworked member finally gives in and accepts its faith as the thick white liquid becomes known to Olivia's sore insides. She slightly shivers as she feels the liquid touch her so intimately and pulls her lover into a passion-filled kiss as he struggles to regain the momentum his body gravely wants back. It is a drug. Their tongues play at the game of love as 50 withdraws himself from her. The support system of his hands break away and the rapper softly falls on top of the first lady of G-Unit, all his energy spent. She sweetly kisses his forehead while their hearts beat together sweetly.
"Damn," he says under his breath as Olivia swirls her finger around his head. It is unheard and they are cuddling.
"Wow," she says, not knowing what everything now means.
"I was that good huh?" 50 Cent hears her accelerated heart ring in his ear. It comforts him.
"What does this mean?"
The rapper sits up and looks at her. He is also lost. "I dunno."
"Why did it happen? Why did we do this?"
"We wanted it."
"We work together Curtis. If this gets out then--- I don't know," the first female of G-Unit says as she removes her hands from her lover's body and messages her temples. She feels naked, in so many more ways than one. Moving around, she gathers up her bra and panties and begins putting them on.
"I know. I dunno what to say."
"I like you. A lot."
"I do too."
"But we can't."
"Why?" the buff rapper asks as he grabs his pair of boxers and slips them on.
"We work together. You're my boss. People are going to think I slept with you to get ahead. Oh my God---"
"I know you didn't. Don't worry about what other people think. They don't know anyway."
"That's not what I did Curtis. That's not what I'm about. I'm not---"
"Relax. Relax. I know baby girl. Calm down okay."
"I can't. I just slept with my boss," she says, her voice almost to the point of cracking.
The superstar rapper moves in closer and latches on to her now semi naked body. "It's okay," he comforts. "We'll work through it together."
"I don't know where to go from here."
"Do you wanna go back to your place or stay here with me?"
"I'm not sure what I want." She cannot look the man in the eyes. It is too hard. "I don't have one night stands."
"That's not what this is. Look at me," he says as he draws her face to his with his finger, their eyes touching. "I want you. I know you're not a hoe or only with me for my money or for getting your career on track. You gotta believe me."
"I don't know Curtis. It's all so hard for me to understand."
50 Cent does something brave. "You want a relationship?"
"You wanna be in a relationship with me?"
She is completely taken away by this. "I---I---. Are you sure?"
"I like you a lot. I know it probably means nothing coming from someone like me---"
"Why would you say that?"
"I know my reputation. Especially when it comes to females. I know you know it too."
"Is it true?" the first female of G-Unit asks softly and looks away. Her senses are haywire.
"Yes. It's not worth lying to you."
"Why? Am I just like the others?"
"I can't think right now," she says as she gathers up her clothes. "Let me try to understand what happened and why."
"I'm not doing this to hurt you. I just need to be sure."
"Because I'm such a risk?"
"I never said that. This evening was special Curtis. It always will be."
"You making it seem like we never gonna see each other again."
"It's not that," Olivia says as she gets up and gets dressed. "We need the time."
As much as he doesn't want to admit it to himself, time is the best thing he could use right now. "Okay."
"Are you going to walk me to the door?"
Olivia's clothes are wrinkled on her body as the pair walk toward the door. 50 Cent is still in his boxers and although they walk close to each other, they do not hold hands. Everything is confusing now, just like the last time. Silence overtakes the room and when the long walk finally ends at the door, the rapper cannot get his eyes off the floor. Olivia takes his face into her hands and guides it up to hers before she sweetly kisses him on the cheek, where his scar is. It is a moment that cannot be defined nor explained because of the raw emotions involved. Once he looks at her, she serenely smiles before opening the door and leaving him alone once again. It is Lloyd Banks all over again. 50 closes the door and gently rests the back of his head against it, his fist pounding against it a brief moment later. He is hurt, like he always ends up getting himself. Everything is his fault. The unbalanced rapper thinks about her and then his mind focuses on Lloyd Banks. They have not spoken since their fight, still a source of sharp pain to him. Is another relationship ruined?
Lloyd Banks is up at six in the morning, his mind in knots and a swarm of butterflies busily fluttering around deep in his stomach. He cannot sleep nor barely contain his excitement because it is finally the big day. His day. All the weeks of his practicing and promoting and persistence is going to pay off tonight at his first Video Music Awards performance. An early morning cup of coffee and bagel soothes the G-Unit member's stomach and he is off to a final fitting for his tuxedo and then to the gym to burn off some of his extra energy. This will also help when he takes his shirt off during the performance; his body is tight as it should be. Banks decides to walk the red carpet by himself. Things are still too raw between him and 50 Cent and he does not want to risk Young Buck or Olivia picking up on anything. Their feelings are entitled to them alone and no one else. The fitting with his tailor sails along smoothly and the black Armani suit is ready for tonight. In the gym, he runs the performance over in his head as he works out his entire body for tonight.
The young rapper races back to his room after an urgent meeting finds him and begins to get ready for his big night. 50 Cent consumes his thoughts as he showers and dries his skin; the buff rapper will always be there. He finds a pair of boxers and a white tank top and puts them on before getting the Armani suit hanging in his closet. Banks fetches a new pair of shoes from their box and a belt before he goes back into his room and starts to get ready. The button down shirt is a strong, masculine blue color and matches a handkerchief that will go in his breast pocket. The brave color highlights his brown eyes and skin tone and he likes how he looks in it as he quickly glances in the mirror. A call from his publicist informs him that the limo is already waiting for him so he quickly continues to get dressed. Lloyd Banks' shirt tucks into his pants and the belt holds it securely against his slim waist. A black tie is quickly tied and socks and shoes finally come together to make the outfit whole. The expensive jacket completes the whole look. It is suave.
Radio City Music Hall is buzzing with cameras, fans, and celebrities from all walks of life from movies to television and, of course, music. Lloyd Banks anxiously gets out of his limo to make himself known. The fans all go crazy and match the paparazzi perfectly in taking pictures. The red carpet is an event in and of itself with many celebrities mingling and enjoying their time together. The excited rapper's publicist walks him through the various stations of the carpet setup, the first being the pit of pictures. He is glad he has sunglasses on because he is sure that the millions of blinding lights shooting against him would render him blind. Interviews for every conceivable television show come next with him usually having to answer the same questions over and over. Banks is used to it so he takes it in stride because nothing can ruin his high right now. His fellow G-Unit members are nowhere to be seen and he starts to slightly worry about them. After signing autographs for his screaming fans, he enters the auditorium for the show. Everything is right.
The show begins and everyone settles in for a good time. Banks finds it surprising that he is not seated next to his G-Unit family; he is instead next to Jay-Z, who is accompanied by his girlfriend Beyoncé , and LL Cool J. They all talk and joke during the show, which makes him feel calmer about his upcoming performance. Nerves are in abundance from the very tips of his fingers to his toes. Hearing Jay-Z and LL Cool J wish him luck on his performance gives the young rapper some desperate relief because they are hip-hop heavyweights and staples in the game and have been for so long. Another thing that manages to relax him is when he finally sees 50 Cent sitting in the next section over from his. Olivia is next to him but Young Buck is not there. This causes Banks respite because he strongly feels that he has something to prove to the buff rapper and his performance tonight will be an answer to that. Everything has to be perfect. Around the show's halfway mark, he is informed that it is his time. Butterflies seize inside him as he steps up for his turn.
"Kill it man," LL Cool J says to him. Their hands catch in a quick shake and he nods.
"Go with the flow Banks kid," Jay-Z encourages the young rapper as their hands also touch. Confidence levels are through the roof but he is still nerve-wrecked. It will be worth it.
Backstage is a hectic mess with many people running around looking for props, articles of clothing, makeup, and every other imaginable thing as the eager rapper is escorted to his dressing room to get ready for his show. No one is there and for this he is glad because chaos in the last thing he needs. The performance runs through his mind over and over as he changes out of his expensive tuxedo and into his performance attire, which is a pair of baggy blue jean shorts and a simple light blue shirt. It will come off anyway so it does not really matter. Banks has a tank top on under and a pair of white Air Force Ones waiting for him next to the sofa. It is now more a craving to get on stage than a fearfulness of being alone out there. The excited rapper warms up his voice, spits numerous rhymes to himself and drinks plenty of water to keep his throat cool and soothed. A stage manager knocks and informs him that he is on in thirty minutes so he has time to relax and prepare more; though it is almost impossible. He is ready. He has been ready forever. There is a knock again.
"Yea?" he asks as he is lacing up his Air Force Ones and putting them on.
"You good man?" 50 Cent asks as he enters the dressing room with Olivia behind him. Lloyd Banks stops what he is doing immediately and looks up at his guests.
"We just came to wish you good luck out there Chris," Olivia says as she closes the door. "You're going to kill it."
"Thanks," he says and gets up and hugs her. She pats his back and kisses him on the cheek.
"You're one talented man. You'll do great."
Banks smiles at her and 50 says, "Can you give us a minute?" he asks her.
"Yea. Of course. I'll go back to the seats."
"Okay. I'll meet up with you in a minute." The door closes once again and the buff rapper focuses his attention on his true purpose. "What's the look for?"
"I saw it Chris. Like you surprised to see me or some shit."
"I am. Why you here for?"
50 takes a seat next to him. Lloyd Banks immediately gets up. "This how you want it?"
"I'm not gonna fight with you C. Today's too important to me."
"You think I came here for that shit? You walked away from me that night Chris man. And today's important to us."
"Why you say that?"
"No matter what I'm always proud of you boy. We're a group. A family."
"Uhuh," he responds, almost uncaringly. "I don't need to hear this again."
"You're still mad at me? Give me a break."
"I thought you didn't come here to fight with me?"
"Chris man what do you want? What the hell do you want from me?"
"Why you keep asking me that?" the younger rapper is curious to know.
The superstar gets up and walks over to his friend. Their eyes will not meet. "I want your friendship back. Is that so hard?"
"You just makin' it that way."
"Yea. It's all my fault. Damn me," he sarcastically and coldly spits back.
"I'm not gonna do this with you." 50 forces their eyes together. Lloyd Banks starts to get mad. "I'm sorry Chris. I'm sorry okay? I didn't know it would come at us like this. I wish I could take it all back."
"You can't. It already happened."
"When will you stop punishing me for it? It was a mistake man. I'm sorry aight."
Banks frees himself from his friend's grasp. "I need to get ready for the show."
"You're so fucking stubborn!"
"Go! Leave me alone."
"There's only so many times I can say I'm sorry Chris."
"There's only so many times I can say I want you," he admits softly to himself. Hearing 50 apologize takes a miniscule amount of the pain away but it is still all too real to deal with.
"I've always wanted the best for you. You're my best friend and I miss you. And you know how hard that is for me to admit. But if you don't value our friendship anymore then there isn't much I can do about it. Have a good show Banks." 50 Cent says the last line with hardly any emotion in his voice before he walks out of the dressing room, leaving Lloyd Banks staring at him before the door closes behind him.
"Damn you Curtis. I hate all this shit you make me feel," the young rapper says to a room full of no one but himself. It is more real and hurtful this way. "Fuck!"
Nothing will matter on stage. Everything will be gone and his only concentration will be pushing himself to the best performance he can produce. The lights go out and the massive crowd is quiet before the music starts to play. His music. This is really happening. Lloyd Banks appears on stage and hops up on top of a brightly colored low-rider car as he starts the rehearsal all over again, only it is real this time. People are staring at him and cameras are capturing every conceivable angle of his body for the millions of viewers that are not there live. The nervous energy that once consumed the G-Unit rapper converts to excitement, eagerness, and passion as he begins to spit on the mic to his friends, peers, and colleagues. The cold microphone touches his lips with each rapping, rhyming word and he jumps off the car and makes and walks toward crowd of fans, who surround the semicircular stage. Their hands are up in the air and cell phone cameras are taking pictures like crazy as Banks continues to follow the performance in his head.
Collective shrills and shrieks touch the rapper's ears when his shirt comes off and he is left in a tank top. The crowd fights over the shirt he throws at them and then scream again as the tank top comes off and is also tossed into the crowd. Lloyd Banks' inked and toned upper body drips large beads of sweat as he utilizes the whole stage to his advantage. He is the only one out there. There is no hype man. There is no Young Buck. No 50 Cent. All the attention is on him as he raps his single into the mic and claps his hands against those of nearby crowd members. He notices that a young female has his shirt on while another has his former tank top securely fastened around her wrist. Banks will not look beyond the crowd of fans because he does not want to see one person. It is all about the fans anyway; they make him who he is. That singular man will only manage to look through him and throw him off his game so he plays it safe. Out of breath and on an extreme surge of adrenaline, the G-Unit rapper closes his set. It is done as screams echo.
His body is dripping water as he steps backstage and is handed a towel by an assistant, who also congratulates him on a performance well done. Back in the dressing room, the silence and being alone manages to bring him down from the clouds and reorganize his thoughts. Lloyd Banks' heart is beating wildly in his chest and threatens to escape and he drinks a bottle of water to comfort his dry throat. The performance is over. All the time invested in it is done. It is the scariest and best thing he's done so far. The Armani suit is freshly pressed for him and hanging by a full length mirror and he takes a few more precious moments to accept his reality before stripping off the rest of his clothes and heading for the shower. He does not run the performance through his mind because he is tired of thinking about it. All he needs to know is that it went better than he expected for himself so there is no need to think on it anymore. The shower steals the rest of his natural high with it but he does emerge to the lonely room refreshed and clean.
After thoroughly drying every inch of his naked body, Lloyd Banks gets into a pair of black boxers and starts getting himself dressed once again. He looks as sharp as ever in the suit and is fixing his tie when a stage manager knocks and lets him know that it is okay to go back to his seat to enjoy the rest of the show. All the pressure is off now and the G-Unit rapper can just relax himself and watch others perform. He hears a lot of commotion going on outside his room and is sure that the next performer is already on the track he just completed. After the tie is perfectly fastened, it is choking him so it must be perfect; he splashes cologne on himself and takes one last look in the mirror. He did well. Great in fact. A small smile adorns Banks' face before he walks out of his dressing and away from the hectic backstage lifestyle. His chat, or fight rather, with 50 Cent comes back to him but he doesn't want to think about it or him. It is his night and his best friend won't ruin it. An usher escorts him back to his seat as the show goes on. He will not look over there.
"Damn kid!" Jay-Z Gets up and hugs him. Their hands shake. "That was all you."
"You did so good," he hears Beyoncé compliment him. She too gets up and hugs him.
"I guess you don't need G-Unit to prove yo skills," LL Cool J states as Lloyd Banks takes his seat next to him. "Off the damn hook boy." The rappers shake hands.
LL Cool J's words hang onto his mind for a while before his attention focuses onto the show once again. The three rappers continue to talk and enjoy their night out as the show moves on. Lloyd Banks wonders if he will ever be on stage accepting an award like that in the future. His eyes quickly scan over to the next section periodically to look at 50 Cent. He and Olivia are sitting unusually close together but he doesn't think much of it. He doesn't want to. Deciding to stop torturing himself with something that will never be, the G-Unit member continues to associate himself with the people around him and lets everything fly away from his mind. Many more awards are handed out and Banks can tell that the crowd is becoming somewhat restless because the show seems like it is never going to end. He, and everyone else, remains respectful of their colleagues and friends though and the show starts to finally close. It is an evening of ups and downs for him but he will never forget being on stage the way he was and his accomplishment. The show finishes.
"Where you chillin' at Banks man?" Jay-Z asks him as they all get up.
"You got something going on?"
"Come kick it at the 40/40 Club."
"Straight. I'll try to roll through later."
"Aight then. What `bout you LL?" he asks his fellow rapper.
The strong, caramel colored man looks at them both. "Can't boys. I'm on a plane to Australia tomorrow morning."
"What's an award show without a party?"
"You gonna be aight Jay," the muscular rapper says as he pats Jay-Z on the shoulder and smiles the irresistible smile he is known for. "Mad performance Banks man. I'll catch up with you boys later."
All three men shake hands before departing for their own ways through the mob of people now trying to leave Radio City Music Hall. Outside, the air is cold and the red carpet is covered with celebrities and regular people alike as everyone tries to find their limos and cars to get out of there. It takes a good half an hour before Lloyd Banks recognizes his driver pulling up and quickly hops in to avoid having any more pictures of him taken. His publicist calls and informs him of where all the hot spots in New York are and suggests that he go back to his hotel to change. The young rapper knows for a fact that if he sets foot back into his room now, he will not want to come back so he strongly decides against it. He also does not want to jump from one party to the other like most celebrities do; it is more stress than it's worth. Remembering Jay-Z's offer earlier, Banks notifies his driver of where he wants to go and they head there through heavy traffic. He relaxes in the back seat, extremely proud of himself. No one can take that away from him. The moment is his.