~>The story written below is purely fictional. Not a fraction of truth is riddled between these words nor does the author imply that there should be. Most of the events in the pages to follow are created in the author's mind and thus should not be taken as fact in any way. He takes no responsibility for any illegal activity such as underage reading because it is done without his knowledge or sanction. The story's solitary intention is that of entertainment and nothing beyond.
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He stops to do a couple of interviews outside the club before making his way in and navigating through all the people to find the bar. The bartender gives him a vodka and cranberry cocktail and he sits there and feeds his body the fuel it wants. The club is packed as he looks around and notices the celebrities present. There are many and they are all busily mingling, dancing, and enjoying themselves. None of his G-Unit label mates are there though. Neither is Dr. Dré or Eminem. It is fine because he was not expecting any of them to be here, especially 50 Cent. Tonight is his night to be by himself and to not have to worry about any of his issues. The drink is great but it quenches his appetite so he stops at one. Banks feels the alcohol burning in his veins. The vodka is that strong. The V.I.P. section is at the very back of the club as he makes his way to it. There is another bar there and a slick velvet rope keeping the sections separate. Lloyd Banks makes his way past the purple rope but stops shortly after. He should have never doubted himself back at the hotel.
Ludacris is sitting in a booth by himself and talking on his phone. The rapper stands still and stares at him before he feels his feet move over to his direction. There is no use in being petty. He looks so damn cute. "What's happenin' man?" he asks over the music but does not sit down. Uncertainty plagues him.
The southern rapper looks up at him, into his eyes. "Aight man. Let me let you go so I can enjoy this party. One kid." He clicks his phone and examines it momentarily. "What's going on Banks?"
"Chillin'. Just makin' an appearance in this shit. You?"
"I thought it would be fucked up if I saw you and didn't shit. We ain't kids no more and I got nothin' but mad respect for you."
Their eyes meet for the second time of the night. "Yea. Same here."
"Can I chill with you?"
Lloyd Banks sits anyway. "Because we got shit to say to each other."
"Naw, we don't. I ain't got a word to say."
"You know, I already made my appearance at this shit. I wanna talk but if you don't then it's cool. Peace out homie," he gets up and starts to walk away.
"Wait," the DTP rapper calls after him. "Where you wanna talk?"
"Not here. Go out there and meet me in the alley out back. I've been here before and nobody goes out there," Banks points and gives his former lover directions through the club. "Meet me back there in ten. If you not there by then I'm gone."
The G-Unit rapper inconspicuously moves through the crowd and exits through the door as Ludacris' eyes follow every move he makes until he ultimately disappears. It is happening all over again and he does not know how to feel about it. Why is this happening to him? Why, of all places in the world, does he have to be at the same club on the same night as Lloyd Banks? The man who hurt him. The man who still hurts him. The southern rapper walks up to the bar and gets another drink to calm his nerves because he does not know what to expect when he steps outside. Banks looks so cute. He smells so good. How and why did he allow this man to get so much power over him? Why did he give the G-Unit rapper so much power to hurt him? It is not like him; ever. But his feelings for the other man are not like him either. His insides feel like it has just crashed into a wall and are in critical condition. It is too wild. The ten minutes take an eternity to pass before he gets up and walks the same path the other rapper walked a few moments ago, with great doubt.
"I was just `bout to bounce," Banks snipes as Ludacris shuts the door behind him and walks further away from it to where the man is leaning against the wall. The only illumination is provided by the crescent Moon and a sprinkling of stars.
"Chill out aight." The southern rapper is in front of him and their eyes are intertwined together.
"Why did it happen?" Lloyd Banks asks softly as he rests his hands on his former man's flat stomach and starts to trace on it back and forth.
A slight moan escapes the older rapper's lips but it stops. "Don't put your hands on me," he says in a calm but firm tone as he steps back out of reach. "I'm not gonna play this game with you anymore kid."
"What? Fifty fucked you over again so you back here tryin' to get at me?"
"That's some messed up shit to say. You knew how it was from the beginning."
"Doesn't mean I accepted it."
"I didn't ask you to! Fuck!" He is frustrated. This wasn't such a good idea.
"I like you Chris. You know I do. But I can't be played like that. It's either him or me."
"It's not that easy. We work together. Obviously we have to be together. It all meant nothing to you then didn't it? You're just like him."
"Fuck you! Don't ever fucking compare me to that nigga."
"Why the hell not? You said all this shit to me but now you actin' like you never said it. Like nothing never happened between us. Guess who else pulled the same exact shit?"
"I meant everything I ever said to you Chris. I like you so much. I want you so much but the shit can't work like this. You know it and I know it," he tries desperately to be reasonable. He cannot stand being this mean to someone he truly cares about but he has to try and get his point across.
"Why'd you go along after I told you then?"
"I thought I could handle it."
"You ever stop to think how I feel?"
"Baby tell me you want me more than you want him and I'll forget all this shit ever happened and kiss you right now."
Lloyd Banks hesitates. It cannot be done. "You don't understand---"
"I thought so." He looks away. It hurts more now that ever before.
"You don't understand!" he repeats again. "I care about you too."
"But not how you care `bout him. I get it."
"What you expect? What do you want from me Chris? To be like you?"
The southern rapper looks at him and seriously wants to punch him. It is all too emotional. "You should've said you weren't ready for a relationship when I asked you," he almost spitefully mocks.
"I'm sorry okay. Is that what you wanna hear from me?"
"You'll never say what I wanna hear from you. I know it's hard for you Chris but you gotta see where I'm coming from too. It can't only be about you."
"It was never about me. I can't believe you saying all this shit."
"Fuck!" He punches the wall right next to Lloyd Banks' head hard. Their eyes lock and he feels the pain shooting up his arm. "Why'd I come out here?" He does not withdraw his hand.
"Why did you?" His eyes are still lost in the DTP rapper's own.
Ludacris stops himself. He is so mad but just stops everything and reasons with himself. "It my fault I'm in this shit now. My own damn fault."
"Should've left you alone when you told me you had feelings for him. Why didn't I just leave you the fuck alone?"
"Why? I didn't want you to leave me alone."
"Would've made it a whole lot easier," he softly replies. His heart will not let it go and it hurts.
"How? We already slept together when I told you."
"You never had a one night stand before?"
Lloyd Banks is temporarily blinded by the savvy comeback. "Fuck you!" he shoots back. "I hate you!"
"I fucking hate you!"
Lloyd Banks' mouth speaks the words but the rest of him does not support it. His hands reach out, one holds on to the hand Ludacris still has jabbed into the wall while the other caresses his chest. He moves in closer and closer until their lips connect in that intimate continuum. Everything in the southern rapper's body relaxes as he feels those warm and craving lips touching and tasting his own. He physically cannot pull away because a piece of him will be ripped open if he does. The touch of affection is tranquil and smooth and right as it continues to please each man. It works off of their desires and feeds on their bodies' need to release adrenaline. How could something feel so right but also feel so wrong at the same time? The mixed signals will never stop. The confusion will be eternal and never fully understood by neither of them. The DTP rapper takes Banks' lips onto his own when he pulls away and then presses him into the wall while his hands roam the body he misses touching. The things he misses feeling because of his foolish pride.
Both linger there for a long while before finally breaking apart. Ludacris presses his forehead against the other rapper's and their eyes meet in the light of the Moon. "I can't Chris. Don't ask me to," he whispers between them.
He sighs and shuts his eyes. His now unwanted feelings for 50 Cent are costing him a great guy. "You can't or you don't want to?"
"Both. It's not fair to anyone. Just try and be with him." It is pure nobility.
"He doesn't see me like that. You already know that."
"It's so obvious how bad you want him."
"I'm not gonna push it."
"It's on what you want."
Lloyd Banks throws away his pride and says, "I'm sorry Bri. I never meant for any of this to happen."
"Yea. Me too."
Ludacris looks directly through his eyes one last time before walking away. Walking out of his mind and his life. His heart. He is too stunned to do anything else but stand there and have the building support him. The shadow disappears and he is really gone. It is really over. Lloyd Banks walks out of the alley and sees his driver conveniently pulling up. He gets in and does not even bother to look back at the club, or the alley, as the driver pulls away. It is an exhausting night. At around two in the morning, the G-Unit rapper returns to his room and simply drop onto his bed because he is so tired. Both physically and emotionally. He cannot allow his feelings for 50 Cent to control him, which he feels like they are. They cannot be there. The buff rapper does not feel the same way. He will never feel the same way. He cannot get that; his body does not seem to. Banks slips off his shoes and does not bother to change his clothes as he body succumbs to alluring sleep. He will never be at peace with himself as long as he remembers the night it all went wrong.
Lloyd Banks meets with his management team in Los Angeles to discuss the success of his album and the probability of re-releasing it with a few bonus tracks added to it. They really want Olivia to be on at least one of the tracks and they collectively decide to put Young Buck on another one. The G-Unit rapper finally finds out where 50 Cent is; overseas in Japan. His best friend left the country without even telling him. It hurts but it is not the time or place to be thinking about it. After the successful meeting and lunch; they treat, he hits the gym to burn off the stress he feels accumulating in his body. The management team sets up dates for him to be in the recording studio once again, with one of them being later on tonight. The first female of G-Unit is also in Los Angeles so the sooner they get together the better; mixed feelings continue to reside in him. It is still hard to accept her into the group, even after all this time. Banks wants it to go back to how it was but since it will not happen, he has no choice but to accept her. Tonight is going to be a very long one.
The gym works out every single muscle that makes up the slender rapper's body and he feels good after his workout is over with. The album continues to get rave reviews and has sold an estimated two million copies already. The number continues to rise, much to the satisfaction of his management team, Dré , and Eminem. Professionally, he is sitting on top of the world and it feels so good. Banks returns to the suite for a real shower and a quick change before he is out the door once again. His date with Olivia looms closely and he does his best to clear his mind of every personal thought while he is on his way there. She does not need to know anything about him beyond his professional life. After a great deal of effort, the G-Unit member manages to store a significant amount of personal feelings away from the world and his mind warps into its business mode. A receptionist directs him to the reserved studio and also informs him that his party is already waiting. Lloyd Banks walks further into the building to get his job done. The sooner the better.
"What's good Dré ?" he asks, stepping into the studio.
"You coming just like Curtis nigga. Keeping me waiting," the producer states as he gets up and hugs the rapper.
"Hey yourself Mr. Multi-platinum Album." They hug.
He smiles. "You know how I do. You got any words for this song Dré ? I'm tapped out."
"I'm a producer boy."
"You rap too nigga."
"I know but I didn't come here for that shit tonight. I'm tired as hell and can barely think straight right about now so the less work I do the better," he informs the group. "She'll help you. Get to it you two."
"Come on Chris. Let's see what we can come up with."
The two sit side by side on a sofa close to a large window and begin scribbling their thoughts on paper. Lloyd Banks does not want to be here right now. He does not want to do this with her right now. He wants to call 50. He wants to see Ludacris. He wants someone to make him feel good. Beats fill the studio as Dr. Dré begins to experiment with what sounds hot as opposed to what does not. They distribute tasks amongst themselves. The G-Unit rapper gives her the premise to the song and tells her to come up with a suitable hook and chorus while he works on the lyrics, both his and hers. Olivia is not a songwriter but only slightly struggles with her task. Writing is now definitely something she will be doing for her own album in the future. It takes a while with revision and Dré 's input but a song is finally produced where all there are happy. Banks is first in the studio and reads off the paper in front of him as the music flows in the background. After a few practice runs, everything begins to fall into place and it comes along quite nicely.
It is Olivia's turn in the studio; all her nervousness and doubt of the past are erased now. She has to record the chorus and lay over parts of the bridge as Dr. Dré gets to work on setting it all up. The young rapper steps outside and to a nearby vending machine to get himself a bottle of water and stares outside a large window nearby; he is mesmerized. Where did everything go wrong? How can he feel so good and so bad at the same time? Why can he not leave 50 Cent alone? How is it a remote possibility that he can still taste Ludacris' last kiss on his lips? Lloyd Banks catches himself and drinks more water as he walks back into the studio. Impatience gets the best of him and he wants it to be a done deal already. The producer knows just what to do to evoke the kind of voice he wants from her and Banks has to admit that it does sound great next to his. The song is finalized and Dré makes a hasty exit because he has somewhere to be in a couple of hours and needs the sleep. He grabs a stool and sits next to the female G-Unit member, who is on the sofa.
"That was awesome Chris. It sounded great," she compliments.
"Yea. What you expect with me and you at it?" he smiles back. She has done nothing to deserve any negative treatment.
"I'm still getting used to all this but is recording always that much fun? I mean I had a great time when we were recording for Buck's album and now I have a great time here."
"Yea. It's fun most of the time. Until you don't know what the hell to say. Worst feeling in the world."
"I can imagine. We did good though."
"Sure did," the rapper trails off.
"Have you spoken to Curtis?"
Reality hits him hard at the sound of the name. "Not in a minute. Been so busy and all," he plays it off. "You?"
"Yea. We spoke the day he left for Japan."
"Really? You knew where he was going?"
"Yea. He told me he was going there for a couple of weeks."
What is the true nature of their relationship? "I'm so caught up. Didn't even find out he was overseas until a few days ago."
"I thought he would have called you. You know how he is---" she smiles. It is not an appropriate smile.
"Uhuh. You guys are getting pretty close."
"I know it was hard for you guys to accept me at first. I didn't want any tension between us or anything like that."
"I feel ya. We're a group now no matter what."
"Can I ask you something? When was the last time you and he spoke?" Olivia asks him in a quiet tone.
"Can't say I remember. Why?"
"Has he told you anything?"
"Anything? Like what?" Lloyd Banks is confused and now suddenly intrigued at their conversation.
"I trust you Chris. You're my friend."
"What's that gotta do with anything?"
"Curtis and I are dating." She looks directly at him as she says this. "We're a couple and I was wondering if he told you yet."
The G-Unit rapper is dumbfounded. He stares her in pure disbelief. "You're dating? No. No, he hasn't told me anything." He desperately tries to keep his cool.
"He thought it best if we kept it a secret you know? Because then everyone would have something to say about the situation and all."
"Yea. How long has this been going on?"
"A little while. A little more than a month."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I think you have a right to know. We're all in the group together and can't keep secrets from each other."
"Does Buck know?" he questions. It is surreal. Why?
"No, but I plan on telling him. I don't want to hide it anymore, especially from you two. You're too important for us to be lying to you that way."
Fuck 50 Cent. Fuck everything about him. "Oh."
"Well Chris," she laughs. It is a nervous laugh. "Say something else."
"Uh. I dunno."
"It caught you off guard too?"
"I guess," he remarks. He really wants to go. He cannot hear this.
"Caught us like that too. He's such a wonderful man. If only you could see the real Fifty Cent Chris. He's so kind and compassionate and caring."
"You love him---"
Olivia is taken aback. She stops for a moment. "What?"
"You love him. Don't you?"
"How can you tell?"
"Your voice. I see it. Is it true?"
She sighs and smiles. "Yes. It's true. I love him so much."
"You told him?"
"No. Not yet. I think it's too soon."
"I dunno. Can't help you on that one," Lloyd Banks is being honest. He has known the buff rapper for so much longer than she has and he is still an enigma to him. Her voice is sincere. She does love him. He is extremely uneasy.
"I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Just wait it out," the rapper tries to say. "Say it when it's right. You'll know when that is."
"Yea. Thanks Chris. It's late. I have a photo shoot tomorrow," she says as she looks at her watch. "You coming?"
"Go ahead. I'll catch up with you later."
"Okay. Thank you Chris." She kisses him on the cheek and hugs him before leaving.
Lloyd Banks stands in the recording studio for a long while; he something crashing down around him. He was right. The superstar rapper lied to his face. "Fuck you Curtis Jackson. No more," he whispers in a low tone and flicks off the light to the studio before disappearing.
The ride back to the hotel suite is hard. His mind is shot and nothing is what it seems anymore. They are a couple. He is having sex with her. The young rapper's mind does all the talking for him without anything positive to say. It defeats him. All of the feelings concerning 50 Cent he has within himself manage to drag him down into a dark place and he wants to explode because it all ravages his vulnerable body. In the sanctuary of the hotel room, Lloyd Banks orders himself a meal and takes a shower in the mean time, neither do anything for him. Nothing at all. He slides into bed clicks off the light next to him as the Moon's light invades his room and reflect off a soft drop of water. The reflection is the hardest thing the G-Unit rapper has ever done and he is positive it will never be worth it. How can it be? Sleep with not come to his torn body. It toys and mocks him because of his pain. Illumination shoots through another piece of water as Banks' body finally shuts down, at four in the morning. There is no going back now to his reality now.
The room is dark and outside barely shows any sign of light as silence is the only thing that is heard. It is three o'clock. Everything is still and 50 Cent is sitting on a chair in his black room, alone and wide awake. He cannot sleep. They will not allow him slumber. They will kill him. His eyes pierce through the glass of a nearby window and he stares past it all. It will never suffice. The ebony rapper is weak and vulnerable and confused and hates himself because this is not him. It is not how he usually acts or feels. Why is his mind determined to play such malicious tricks and games with him? He hasn't eaten anything but a muffin all day. Hunger does not consume him. Feelings that are raw but not appropriate to touch consume him and it hurts. 50 has been in Japan for almost a week and already missing his home. His friends. Lloyd Banks. Their last conversation, or fight rather, is stuck in his head. Every single word of it loses its value to him because of how many times he thinks about it. He says it. He tries to understand it. The release will never be worth it.
Japan is different. Not only the culture but the general attitudes of the people as a whole. Seeing the Sun rise from a different part of the world always manages to amaze the superstar rapper. It is one of those things that he does but does not understand nor questions. He is up with the Sun and out a short while later for another day of putting his name out to the masses. Putting G-Unit out to the world. 50 eats a quick breakfast on his way to his first radio station of the day. He will not consider last night. It was not him. It was not right. The day passes by and before too long; the Sun is on the opposite side of the sky, setting in an enormous orange glow of itself. The thoughts leave him alone today. His body is numb is why. After a cool shower and delicious dinner, 50 Cent is able to relax. It is something he has not been able to do in a very long time. The change of scenery does the trick well. Being a million miles away from his problems only aids in the calm effort. It is a feeling he will never get used too but will never forget. The break is his alone.
Remembering a promise he made to himself earlier, the G-Unit rapper gets up and searches for his phone. The number immediately appears. "Hello?"
"Hey baby girl. What up?"
"I was just about to call you baby. I swear," Olivia says and laughs a little.
"Guess I'm lucky then."
"I guess so. How is it over there?"
"Everything's straight. Gettin' a lot done."
"That's great. I'm so proud of you."
50 sighs. "I miss you. A lot."
"I know. I miss you too sweetheart. Things have been so crazy lately that I haven't had time to call you."
"Dré working you to the bone?"
"I recently did a song with Chris for the re-release of his album. He scrapped some songs on Buck's album so we're back in the studio for that. It's a lot but I'm just taking it all in."
"Good. Just go with the flow and you'll be fine baby." Hearing his come up in their conversation has an effect on him that he does not want.
"Yea. Everything's good though."
"How's Buck and Banks?"
"Buck's good. We're going into the studio again later this week."
"And Chris?" the buff rapper persists. Lloyd Banks will always be important to him.
"He's excited about the re-release."
"How did your recording with him go?"
"Fine. We sat together and literally came up with a song in about an hour."
"And with Dré producing it, it didn't take too long to finish."
"Is he okay?"
The first female of G-Unit suddenly recalls back her conversation with the younger rapper. "You didn't tell him where you were going Curtis?"
"He told me that he found out you left the country only a few days ago. You didn't call and talk to him?"
"No. I got so busy baby," he lies to cover his tracks. No one can know anything.
"He's your best friend Curtis. He seemed sort of distant, and upset."
"I don't know. I think something is going on with him. Maybe you should call and talk to him."
It is not possible right now. That satisfaction will never be his. "Yea. I'll call him."
"I told them about us. Both of them."
50 Cent listens but the words do not comprehend. "What?"
"I know you wanted to keep it a secret baby but I couldn't from your friends. Our friends. Our group mates."
"I felt it was the right thing to do."
"Why didn't you talk to me about this first?" The ebony rapper is almost to the point of anger and he does not know what is keeping him from going overboard. There is a fine line that he does not want to cross with her.
"It just happened. I mean I was thinking about it but when Chris and I started talking at the studio that night, I couldn't lie to him anymore."
"What did he say? What did he do?"
"What do you mean? What were you expecting him to say and do?"
He catches himself. "I'm just wondering because I wanted to be the one to tell him baby. It would've been better if I did I think. I wish you would've called me first about this."
"Sorry. I just felt it was the right time." Olivia is slightly confused as to her boyfriend's actions.
"What did he say?"
"Nothing really. I mean he was happy for us---"
"How could you tell that?"
"I just could. Why does his opinion about us mean so much to you baby?"
"I don't want any tension between the group. It's hard when two members are dating. I just need to know how he felt. The things he said." It is another lie. He is selfishly curious as to how his best friend took the news. He needs to hear the words said. The exact words said.
"Uh. He wanted to know why I was telling him it and if Buck already knew and I think that was about it."
"Did he sound mad? Mean or anything?"
"No," she replies, still dazed. "Why would he have a reason to be mad or mean?"
"Because we lied to him about it," the buff rapper continues to lie.
"Chris is a great guy. He wouldn't do either of us like that Curtis. Where is all this coming from?"
"I'm just wonderin' baby."
"Are you and Chris okay? He told me that you two haven`t spoken in a while. Is everything okay between you guys?" she starts to ask. This is not the response she expects from her boyfriend.
"We're two busy rappers. We don't have time to call each other everyday. Either that or we just keep missing each other."
"I know but---"
"It's nothing. We're cool. He's my boy."
Olivia sighs and says, "Sorry babe. I know he's your best friend and I know his opinion means a lot to you."
50 Cent's mind is reeling. He wonders what Lloyd Banks now thinks of him. Of their already broken relationship. "It's aight. As long as you were comfortable telling him and Buck then it's okay. I didn't want to force you into doing it too soon or anything like that."
"He made me feel comfortable so it was a lot easier."
"Yea. He's an easy guy to get along with. As long as you don't screw him over."
She laughs. "Another thing you two have in common. You two are so much alike sometimes that it's scary."
"Hm." The G-Unit rapper does not know whether to take the statement as a compliment or not. His true feelings start to emerge now and he is in trouble.
"But enough about our boys. I want to talk about my boy. When are you going to be back? So I can hold you. And kiss you. And---"
"Stop! You tryin' to drive me crazy girl?"
"Maybe," she sinfully teases. "Maybe it'll bring you back to me faster."
"It might do the trick. I'll try to be back as soon as I can. I miss the States," he says as his mind is lost to him.
"Okay. I gotta go to a promo shoot. I'll talk to you later baby?"
"Yea. I'll call you."
50 Cent puts down his phone and is drowned within his thoughts not a moment later. Lloyd Banks knows everything. He knows they are a couple. How will this affect their relationship? Both professionally and personally. Why did she tell him? He was never supposed to know. The tired rapper sighs and rests his head in his hands. They will never be friends again. The things Banks said to him the night he accused him of sleeping with her comes back to him. He was right all along, even before 50 knew it. Does he know him that well? Is he that predictable? He has to salvage what is left of his mind. It cannot control him; it already happened so there is nothing he can do about it. The G-Unit rapper will just have to settle with having a professional relationship with his former best friend. There is no way he can get out of the trap he is in. Olivia put him in a hard place, though he is more upset with his own self than anyone else. It is all his fault. One night of passion robs him of his friend. The trade is not worth it on any level and too hard to give up.
His emotions speak for him and, as if controlled by an unforgivable force, the buff rapper reaches for his cell phone once again and browses through it. His mind is racing way too fast for him to even have a chance to catch up to it as he continues to look. Look for something he hopes will fix him inside. Lloyd Banks' name displays against the light of the phone and his number is right under it. 50 Cent gapes at it until his thumb presses a button and sends the number. The phone recovers a moment before a soft ringing sound is heard. Again. And again. And again. Nothing happens. No one answers and the G-Unit rapper is greeted with a mechanical voice provoking him to leave a message. The phone is released from his ear and he stares at it because it has betrayed him. Why is his phone call unanswered? 50 is in more of a mess now. Will anything ever come easily to him? Is his whole life going to be comprised of such hard battles and tests? Is it even worth it in the end? His body floats away to sleep on the sofa. It is so much harder to deal with himself now.
The ebony rapper continues to do his work in Japan. He misses the States. His son. His life. The hours become longer and sleep becomes almost irrelevant because of how much of it he is missing. It is business meeting after business meeting, endless endorsement deals, and shooting commercials for promotion as well as endorsements. It is all too much for one man to handle but 50 does it all because he has to. Not for the money or power but for the sanity. Keeping himself busy will keep Olivia and Lloyd Banks and their perspective relationships to him out of his head. It is therapy and heaven rolled into one and it keeps him controlled and focused. He will be in Japan for another excruciating week but then it is over. An overwhelming side of the buff rapper wants to be back in the States, wants to see and talk to his best friend face to face. To see his body language. His true reactions to the revelation. His attitude. 50 Cent wants the younger rapper to yell at him. Or even to hit him. That way, he at least knows the other man still cares.