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As much as the lies bother Lloyd Banks, he does not let it and continues on with his life and completely ignores 50 Cent. He more than deserves it because he is selfish, insecure, and emotionally unstable. Why did he ever think that he wanted that in his life? He let Ludacris go for this? Because he couldn't control his feelings for this man who continues to hurt him time and time again, whether intentional or not? He is well aware of when the buff rapper called him. He had the phone in his hand at the precise moment and it began to vibrate. But something stopped him from answering it. From hearing that voice that sets goosebumps to his skin and fills him with unbearably hurtful emotions. It is childish but he cannot deal with the other man. Banks cannot put himself in that position to yield to him. It will only break him further. The G-Unit rapper is putting the final touches to the revised version of his album with the help of his trusted friend Dr. Dré ; it is near completion once again and he could not be any more excited. The hype is greater than the last time.
The time away from the buff rapper is hard to interpret because of how confusing it all is. He thinks it is what he wants and his body agrees with him most of the time but there are days where he relapses into past emotions. The days he wants the man next to him, even if it is only professionally. Lloyd Banks will never understand his relationship with 50 Cent now. Too much has clouded his judgment and convoluted his opinions of his once best friend. There is no hope left within him. He and Young Buck lace down another track for the new album and attend many parties and gatherings together. They rarely have time to hang out without it being about work so the time together is cherished. The two rappers stay in New York until the revised album is complete and after a final meeting with their management, each go their separate way to do their own thing. The album will be on shelves within a week and he has to shoot a video with Olivia for the newest single to promote it. He does not hate her; doing so will only prove to be futile, petty, and worthless.
The young rapper is up as the light begins to break in his room to get ready for the first day of his video shoot in Miami. It is going to be a very sexy video because the song they created together is an extremely sexy one. He is out on the beach and into wardrobe before the Sun fully rises in the sky. Olivia is in hair and makeup as he explains to the director the meaning of the song and what he hopes to accomplish from the shoot. The video girls are already scantily clad and are on set ready to go. Lloyd Banks cannot help but notice them as he stares out into the pristine blue water Miami Beach boasts. They manage to keep his mind occupied. When his costar is ready, she comes out and greets him by kissing him on the cheek. Banks can tell how excited she is; it being her first official video shoot and all. The G-Unit rapper does look at her differently ever since he admission that she is dating 50 Cent but he does not know why. The director explains to both of them what his visions are and after everything is understood, the day truly begins.
Take after imperfect take sucks the time away from the day and everyone on the beach. The music is blasting and Lloyd Banks is lip-synching to his parts, trying to bring as much energy forth as he can afford. He notices some of the women looking his way from time to time but it does not bother him. Olivia needs a bit little more coaching on how to do her parts properly but she is a fast learner and begins to get the hang of it in no time. The Sun is almost on the other side of the sky and threatening to leave as shooting continues. Patrons of the beach look on and clap and cheer while they are shooting; which makes the G-Unit member feel good. The beach party scene is almost over, with tremendous success. After a short break for everyone, they all get back to work, shooting the rest of the scenes in the night. The Moon's light glistening off the black water creates an ambiance that Banks does not expect but is grateful for. The night scenes only boasts a few video girls, himself, and Olivia. The day is finally wrapped at around midnight.
She is looking at him. She has been looking at him all day. He knows he felt her eyes on every part of his body throughout the long day of shooting. Why? Olivia congratulates him on the first day of shooting and leaves shortly after they wrap. The crewmen are breaking down the small sets and packing away their cameras and lighting as Lloyd Banks return to his dressing room to gather up his things. He knows her eyes were on him. He did not imagine it. One of the video girls was checking him out. The G-Unit rapper finds his hat and rests it on top of his head before grabbing the rest of his belongings and calling it a night. He steps out of the trailer and onto the sand to find a pair of eyes staring him down from the shore. It is her. Apart from the few crewmen and makeup artists left, she is the only one there. She is beautiful with her sweet, tan skin, golden brown hair, and devilishly exotic features. She continues to look as if mesmerized or lost. Banks walks over to her; she is alluring to him, and starts talking to her. His instincts about her are right all along.
She is shy at first but then starts saying all the things he has already heard so many times before. The things that have led that the rapper down that wrong path so many times in the past. It cannot be helped though. There is a power over him and it draws him in. It feeds on him and he lets it because it feels good. He has to feel good. She introduces herself as Giselle. It is there in her eyes. Lloyd Banks knows the look all too well. The pair talk for a while longer before he knows he is right in his assumption. There is no way he could be wrong. The G-Unit rapper plays the game. He gives her the look she wants to see. When both smile, it is on. It is the beginning of the end. Both walk back to an awaiting car and say nothing on the way back to his hotel. Giselle is a little more than nervous but she cannot control what her body wants so she tries her best to relax and go along with everything. It would not be the first time and surely will not be the last one either. Banks is busily typing text messages on his phone to take notice of her. It is easier this way.
The rapper drops his hat on a nearby table when he enters and looks at his new lady friend as she looks around the suite. He is sure that she has never seen such nice things in her life before. When she turns around and looks back, their eyes catch each other and it is still there, only it is more powerful now. She wants it. She wants him. Lloyd Banks motions to his room with his eyes and she walks slowly to it as he trails behind her. Nothing is said. Nothing is ever said in this type of situation. Once they are both present in the G-Unit member's room, she turns around again and begins to look him up and down. Her fingers toy with the very top button of her blouse and she is only turned on more with his nods of approval. The article of clothing falls onto the floor and her breasts are covered by an extremely provocative black lace bra. Her waist is thin and her hips are thick, just the way he likes it. While Giselle unbuttons her pants and starts to remove them, Banks slips out of his shirt and tugs away at his pants. He needs to feel good. It is her job.
It is just sex. He is on the bed and she is between his legs sucking his hardening dick. Her tongue plays with him and it is something he wants to feel. Something he has to feel. The way she utilizes her tongue, lips, and mouth in general to bring the rapper pleasure tells him that she is no amateur. His fingers get lost in her hair and push her down onto his aching rod more. It is not long before Banks feels the back of her throat on the tip of his dick and the continued sucking and blowing she is providing is killing him with pleasure. He misses it. When Giselle lets up and starts nibbling on the sensitive head of his uncircumcised dick, the horny rapper begins to rock his waist up and down. He is feeding her his dick and she is accepting every inch of it without any problem. He grunts and moans as his new friend continues to please him orally; she tastes the most intimate part of the man. The act is unacceptable but he needs to know that he is still wanted, even if it is by a groupie. Both 50 Cent and Ludacris left him wanting much more. So much more.
Her tongue glides from the very tip of the sensitive member all the way down the shaft to the suspended balls before coming back up and going back down the trail again and again. She is jacking him off as she does this and the excitement is building up fast in the G-Unit rapper. Actions are expert and get to the precise point as the video girl continues with the oral stimulation. Her palms gently squeeze against his balls while her other hand travels up his rippled body and rubs the sensitive skin. Fingers brush against hard brown nipples and Lloyd Banks cannot contain his slurred words or moans. Giselle's hot mouth roams from the massive dick down to the pair of neglected balls where she takes them into her mouth and grinds her teeth against them. It is a technique that gets them all the time and this time is no different. Banks is bucking and weaving and scratching because he has never felt anything like it before. She is pleased with her actions. The woman does something risqué and bites his sac a little harder; it is lust and it envelops them.
His body jolts at the sharp pain but it is more pleasure than anything. He has to feel good. Has to forget about the past. The present. And never look to his future. Warmness and dampness envelops his pulsating member once again and fingers try to gently relieve his sac. Every inch of his rock hard dick is wet with spit because her tongue has been everywhere. Touched every part of it intimately. The G-Unit rapper has enough; he wants the next level upon him. Reaching over to his wallet, he opens it to reveal a latex condom. He may not like using them but it is a stupid risk to take so he sucks it up and does it. Giselle reaches out and clamps her teeth on the edge of the condom rapper and she returns to work on his dick while her fingers free the contraceptive from its binds. He sees her put it in her mouth and go down on his dick once again, unrolling it onto the sensitive member. It is so tempting the way she does it and it only manages to turn Lloyd Banks on even more. The condom is finally snuggly clamped around his meat. The night can begin.
Giselle's back meets the bed and her breasts bounce freely as the rapper positions himself to enter her. There is no foreplay on his part. It is not worth it nor is it needed. She arches her back as the penetration begins and groans as it goes in further and further into her. Lloyd Banks withdraws himself when he is about halfway in and thrusts back with a strong force that has his lover for the night screaming. It is rough but she does not expect anything less as she gets used to it. The condom provides superior lubrication as he shoves into her and continues to do so with a strong might. When the rhythm is smooth enough to be handled on its own, the slender rapper grabs on to her breasts and squeezes and teases them unmercifully. He is a fiend. It is nothing but a momentarily high for him so he can be rough and uncaring. It will never happen again; he knows this and so does she. Her insides accept him all too easily as he fiercely pumps in and out of her. Their actions solicit moans and grunts as the once silent night is now broken with noises.
Her two large breasts shudder under the touch of his warm hands and her body starts becoming overwhelmed with pleasure and sensations that she needs. The rhythm between them is perfect for a moment in time and the warm friction finally starts to make itself known. Lloyd Banks' body is numb to all the pain. His mind is numb to all of it. Nothing really matters anymore because it is uncontrolled and will never favor him. It is pointless and futile to think he could ever be that. Be with him. Giselle places both her hands on top of her lover's own, which are still firmly cupping her bouncing breasts, and stokes his fingers as they squeeze her nipples. Her eyes close and she bites her bottom lip as the G-Unit rapper forces himself deeper and deeper into her with each subsequent thrust. The assault on her body has her wanting, craving, and begging for more. Her noises only serve as an encouragement for Banks to go more. Harder. Deeper. She jerks herself into him and fastens her legs around his narrow waist as the ride never stops or falters.
The G-Unit member abruptly extricates himself from the opening and flips his lover over in one swift and powerful motion. He wants to take her from the back. Send her to heaven. After spreading her legs at his request, he enters her vagina from behind. It feels so much better this way and he grunts as he forces himself into the hole once again. Banks grabs on to her hips and rocks himself back and forth, the smacking of fresh skin against each other is the only thing heard in the opulent hotel suite. Getting it from the back feels so much better to him. It is almost indescribable. Giselle uses one hand as support to keep her body up while the other one plays with her nipples. Her body is in total ecstasy from all the pleasure and overload is imminent. Their bodies harmoniously work together until it all starts to crumble. Piece by piece, it is picked apart and everything comes crashing down when Lloyd Banks feel his dick explode. The thrusts do not stop for a while; when his rod is too soft to keep up with the charade any longer. There is no point in denying it.
Giselle's head is on the pillow as he dismounts her and she struggles to keep her eyes awake. Within a matter of moments, she is gone with sleep and leaves the young rapper to contemplate it all. The act is over. It is all over and everything slowly starts seeping back in as he gets up and pulls the used condom from his soft member. It finds a home in the garbage of the bathroom and Lloyd Banks steps in the shower. His body is sticky and sweaty and he needs to scrub every residue away from his skin. His mind is still not functioning at full mass but it is all coming back without a doubt. The shower does a marvelous job of washing the day off of him and when he emerges from it, he finds it impossible to look at himself in the mirror. His head will not turn to face it and for this he knows why. His act. It was not something he wanted. It was something his hormones cajoled him into doing. He is tangled now because reality is back on him and nothing has changed. Banks feels like nothing ever will. It is pure defeat; the price is too high for him to pay.
The one night stand quenches his hormones' thirst for power and pleasure but that is all it does. It cannot be linked or related to anything else. It serves its solitary purpose and then dies. It is awkward because Lloyd Banks sees her on the set the next day. They are in a soundstage warehouse in Miami and all the extras are there. The video shoot must continue. Eye contact is never granted between the two; nothing happened between them. The relationship is strictly professional and nothing more. He and Olivia come together to try and finally wrap the video for the newest single but when it is around midnight and the beginning and scattered parts of the video are still missing, it proves to be impossible. The extras will not be needed for day three though. It will only be composed of performance shots with him and the first lady of G-Unit. Banks leaves the set alone after a few editing mistakes he notices during shooting are set right and heads to the hotel for some sleep. His body craves the sweet, innocent slumber that keeps life spiraling.
It is snowing in New York City as the young rapper is back there to continue working. A meeting with Dr. Dré and Eminem informs him that 50 Cent will be back within the next few days. He is indifferent about this because he has to be. There is no way he can go back; it can only be forward when it comes to his former best friend. Strictly professional now. Things are going to change for the better when he comes back from Japan. They are all pleased with his work on the album and its continued sales that is most promising. His single with Olivia is shooting up the charts and being requested widely on many radio stations nationwide. It is a wonderful feeling to have people appreciate and give positive feedback on all his hard work. A string of impromptu concerts in some of New York's most exclusive clubs propels sales and requests of the record and song. Whenever Olivia cannot be with him on stage, the high of going at it alone always gets to him. It is something he cannot get used too but cannot get enough of. It is his drug. His performer life is his drug.
It is the first time in a long while that the G-Unit member finds some free time for himself. It is only a day but he takes anything he can get while trying to navigate though the crazy, unpredictable industry he is in. Not waking up in the morning to the sound of an alarm or his phone going off is peace to him. Relaxation is all that will be on his mind as he grabs a stool and sits near the balcony doors that offer perfect panoramic views of a city covered in white. It is enthralling and exquisite as Banks stares on. Staring off into nothing and thinking about himself for once is something he cannot remember the last time he did. It is always about work and money and sales figures but more recently, 50 Cent and Ludacris that he cannot have his own thoughts. Too many things packed into his mind prevent him from having them. But not today. Not right now. None of that is important. Work is gone. 50 is gone. The southern rapper is lost to him. His only focus is on the more satisfying parts of his life, including success and fame. It is addicting. It is all about him now.
Lloyd Banks spends a couple hours at the gym toning his tattooed body. Another part of his relaxation therapy session and all goes well. All the muscles in his body feel loose and free to relax because his day involves no stress at all. This day is needed for a very long time. After the gym gratifies him, he heads to Central Park to walk around. He knows he is famous but is hardly recognizable under a heavy jacket covering his body from the wicked weather as well as a du-rag and NY cap obstructing his face from clear view. The G-Unit member does not want to be by himself in his room when so many people are out and enjoying the snow with their friends and loved ones. He walks the path of the large park, stopping to see people ice skating on the frozen pond. It is magnificent. It is something he has to try sometime because it looks fun. Gliding on ice. Banks bundles himself tightly because a subtle wind passes over him, making it colder than it already is. It has to be one of the best days in his life. A day filled with absolutely nothing.
Time goes by and he is doing better. Much, much better with everything. The slim rapper hosts and performs on MTV's TRL, BET's 106 & Park, and even on Saturday Night Live at the end of the week, having being one of the first rappers to both host and perform on the very same show. His single is at number one and his record is also sitting at the coveted spot the second time around. The industry parties are filled with life and he soaks it all in because these people are his peers. They are his colleagues and friends. He is no longer just one of 50 Cent's men. Lloyd Banks is his name and everyone knows it because of his accomplishments. It should have been this way a long time ago. Since the beginning. The taste of true fame makes him realize how much he has been missing. How much he truly does not know about the industry. The G-Unit rapper's days are more fulfilling and his mind is at ease more often when he is working hard to get ahead in the game. There is no looking back because of the record. The success is too dominating.
The week finishes and Lloyd Banks finds out about a meeting that the Interscope executives set for Friday afternoon. His morning is full with an appearance and the gym but he is sure to make time for the meeting because Eminem made it sound so urgent. He jumps out of the SUV and grabs his body under his armor because the weather is wickedly frozen and walks into the toasty warm building and straight to the elevator. These business meetings do not usually last long but he is prepared for the worst, as he always is. The tattooed hardcore rapper glides up to his floor and is greeted by a receptionist, who informs him on where he needs to be. The conference room is already filled with Young Buck, Olivia, and Eminem. Banks greets his fellow friends and label mates as he takes a seat next to Buck; the first female of G-Unit and the white rapper are across the table from them. The rest of the abnormally long table is empty. The quartet start talking and joking around as they wait. Neither knows much about the meeting but it is most likely to discuss statistics.
Dr. Dré comes into the room and passes out file folders to the small group before leaving again. It does not take long for him to return with three more men. They all greet one another before taking their respective seats and officially starting the meeting. The executives commend Banks on the re-release of album and its extreme sales. They are also proud of the video and the single currently sitting at number one. Young Buck pats his friend's shoulder in mutual respect and congratulations as the business get together continues on. Files and copious amounts of paperwork are spread throughout the large table as the team discusses every statistic possible while trying to explain them thoroughly. It is going to be long; he knew it. The G-Unit member pays attention and just listens in on the discussion as to how soon his colleague's album should be released. They do not want unnecessary record competition so the group concludes that the safest bet is to release Buck's anticipated album at least three weeks from their exact date. The meting is soon interrupted.
50 Cent makes himself known at the meeting and apologizes to everyone for being late. Lloyd Banks does not look at him because he is scared of what he will find there. The past weeks of being on his own were the best for him and as much as he does not want to admit that it was partly because he was away from the buff rapper, he cannot deny the truth. The feelings were put on hold and stopped hurting so bad. He was able to deal with them and move on but with 50 being back now, how will things play out? How will his body react to them being so close once again? Touching his hand ignites sparks inside the slender rapper and it is the first sign of imminent trouble. A folder is given to the newest member of the group and he sits on the other side of Banks. Why? He does not let it bother him. All his concentration and attention is on the meeting. The G-Unit founder will not get to him. Olivia looks across the table to him and smiles. Dré and Eminem are the only ones who do not know. The executives do not know; their only concern is the financial aspects.
The meeting uncomfortably drags on as he smells his former lover's cologne. He always manages to smell so sweet and look so impossibly good. It will never get old and he feels it all trickling back into him. It cannot. It cannot be this way. All his hard work is slipping away from him. Lloyd Banks' anxiety ends when he finally hears the closing words to the meeting and he quickly gathers up his stuff to leave. Dr. Dré takes Eminem, Olivia, and Young Buck with him to view the final cover for the newest album on the Aftermath shelf and he is left alone with 50 Cent. The man is on his phone and he takes this cue to walk out of the conference room and toward the elevator. They cannot talk because he fears what will happen. The elevator ride is long but he is finally out and flips out his phone to alert the driver that he needs him. Banks shelters himself within his heavy jacket and puts a hat on before stepping out into the harsh winter wonderland blanketed in white. He stops dead in his tracks when some is calling after him. It is him. The battle is lost.
"Banks. Banks. Wait up yo," 50 says as he too makes his way outside. There are outside and no one is around to hear them.
The G-Unit rapper does not turn around but instead puts his hoodie over his head. "Yea? They need me?"
"No. I just wanna talk."
"Not here. Let me come with you." His voice is sincere and so damn inviting.
He contemplates this but is strong. The resistance even surprises him. "Naw. I'm cool."
"I need to talk to you. Please---"
50 Cent takes that as the best invitation he can get and accompanies the other man into the SUV and it drives off into white buildings. Snow is everywhere and the wind chill freezes every living thing down to the core as the driver carefully navigates the ice-covered particles of water to get his passengers to their destination safely. Neither says anything because they are lost in their own thoughts. Banks does not need this. He does not need an explanation or an apology from the man sitting next to him. There is no point to it because what is done is already done. An endless ride with completely white surroundings comes to an end and the two rappers emerge and quickly walk into the warm lobby of the hotel. No one is at the front desk as the moment and they hurry to the elevators and disappear behind it. What can they possibly say to each other now? This has to end. It cannot be both ways. Lloyd Banks swipes the keycard against the lock and it clicks open, granting them entrance. 50 cannot keep his eyes off him. Something is different; he senses it.
"Thanks---" the buff rapper casually says as he rests his coat on the rack and accompanies his young friend into the grand room.
"What you gotta talk about?" Banks cuts him off and asks.
"What for?" They both sit.
"I didn't want you to find out that way."
"You just didn't want to admit that I was right," he scolds. He does not want this conversation.
"You're wrong. We weren't together when you said that to me. It happened after---"
"I don't care. I don't need an apology from you. You're a grown man and can do whatever the hell you want right?"
"Why you actin' so stubborn for?" 50 does not want to get mad.
"Why you feel you gotta explain yourself for? It's not like I didn't know it was happening."
"Because we're still friends and I wanted to tell you myself. I don't know why she did."
The younger rapper stares anywhere. "We're still friends? I didn't get the memo. And don't be mad at her because she had the balls to do what you couldn't."
"Okay. Okay. I deserved that one Chris. I know I hurt you---"
"You? Hurt me? Yea right kid. I'm straight."
"So then why you actin' like this?"
"Ain't actin' no way. I'm just being Banks. Your lil' G-Unit soldier."
The ebony rapper looks at him and wonders if he deserved that one too. It hurts. "Okay. I'm not gonna fight with you Chris. I don't want to. Never did. If you don't wanna talk about it then it's cool. I'll go." He gets up and begins to walk away.
"Would've been nice if I didn't have to find out that you were halfway across the world from the execs at Interscope," Banks replies scornfully.
"Yea. Thanks for tellin' me."
He sits back down. "I didn't know how to. We weren't really talking much---"
"Always excuses. You can never fess up to your mistakes can you? Oh wait, Fifty Cent doesn't make any mistakes. He's perfect in ever way. My b."
"I never said that shit," the G-Unit rapper defends himself.
"You never had to."
"I---" he stumbles once again.
"Look," Lloyd Banks cuts him off once more. "The time was fucking heaven. I started to deal with the shit and forget about everything."
"What you saying?"
"I'm not gonna go back and do it all over again. You said it can't be like that and I finally learned to accept it. Being away from you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Both professionally and personally."
This throws 50 off his game and he is way too stunned and hurt to say anything for a long while. "Is that how you want it?"
"Gotta be like that."
"Is that how you want it?" he repeats.
"Can't be any other way."
"We're still part of a group. How you expect us to stay away from each other if we gotta work together."
He contemplates. He has given much thought to this. "We straight professionally."
"But we not friends anymore?"
"Why Chris? Why are you doing this to me? To us?"
The young rapper screams his frustrations, "Not every fucking thing is about you Curtis! Shit! Stop being so damn selfish for once in your life!"
"So you don't wanna be my friend anymore then?"
"Look at me and say that," 50 says to him. He is still looking anywhere and they never make eye contact once.
"Don't need to. It's the truth."
"You can't do it. You're fucking lying to me."
"Fuck you! I don't need to prove shit to you."
"Chris come on. Talk to me. No hard ass. No tryin' to prove anything. I left all that shit at the door to have this conversation. The least you could do is look me in the eyes," he reasons. He is so stubborn.
"Why? So you can see what you already know is there?"
"So I can get my best friend back. You know how many times I thought about you when I was in Japan? I lost count after the first day."
"Why didn't you call?"
"I did! You never picked up. Chris, look at me. Please---" Everything is being pushed to the extreme and both men hate it.
Lloyd Banks finally focuses his eyes and turns his head to face his former best friend. Their eyes find each other and silence comes to life for a moment. "See what you lookin' for?"
"Why won't you get past this?"
"I can't get past you."
"It was only one time."
"I know that! This way is best. I meant what I said. Not having you around made things so much easier. I could concentrate and focus and not have to worry about anything."
The superstar rapper hangs his head. "That really hurts to hear you know. I think it hurt more the second time than it did the first."
"It's just how I feel."
"So it can't go back to normal for us?"
"Don't see how."
"You letting it control us again. Our friendship."
"No. I thought about it nonstop. This is right. It's the only way," he states the sad realization.
"Just professional then? I can do it."
The tone is off. His tone is wrong. "You're lying."
"You were lying almost through this whole conversation so I think I'm good with one lie," 50 Cent says softly before getting up and walking to where his coat is floating.
"You're not. Because if you were then none of this shit would be happening. But I get it. You want only a business relationship then its straight kid."
"It doesn't have to be like that---"
He inserts the fur jacket around his body. "You can't have it both ways. I'm just giving you want you want partner."
"Don't call me that. You can still call me Chris---"
"I can't. I used to call you that because we were best friends and I liked it but that all gone now so it's good. See ya around," he states in the most uncaring tone.
He is being malevolent on purpose. Lloyd Banks steams inside but remains cool on the outside. "Good luck with Olivia. She'll need it."
The ebony rapper was opening the door but stops completely and turns around to stare and his now official former best friend. The comment is rude and cold and nothing like him. He stares at the man for an eternity because he does not recognize who he sees anymore. It angers him but he leaves in haste because he does want to do something he knows he will regret. 50 Cent finally breaks the eye contact they once shared and exits the floor via the elevator. This is not what he expected or wanted on his first night back in the States. Lloyd Banks says many things that he deserves and they all puncture deep into him as he exit the hotel and is chauffeured away to his own hotel suite. The G-Unit rapper rests his head against the door and uses the back of his fist to his it as hard as he can to let go of all of it. To let go of himself. It is done. Everything is over. But the struggle is only beginning. He cannot have a strictly professional relationship with 50. His boss. His mentor. His best friend. It will take every ounce of strength to resist. Doubt is there.
The sex is good. The sex between 50 Cent and Olivia is always good but he feels that it is not what it once was. They have not been going out that long but he is already starting to lose interest in the physical aspect of their relationship. Something is wrong, he knows it. Maybe it is him. Being caught up in everything is keeping him from enjoying his girl. Enjoying the things she does for him; to him. The rap superstar lies in bed next to her and just stares at nothing as she gently sleeps next to him. His naked body is trembling with anticipation for something more. A need that is not being fulfilled. The Moon's light scrapes against every toned muscle of his dark torso as he continues to try and figure his life out. What he really wants. What he really needs. 50 turns to face his girlfriend; she peacefully sleeps on the bed they are sharing. He is not the man for her. He cannot possibly give her as much as she gives him. It is not fair and selfish of the jaded rapper to even think he can be the type of man she truly needs in her life. Rest will not allow him to live.
The wintry weather still roughs up New York as the G-Unit founder goes on with life. He does multiple interviews and promotional events just to keep his mind from straying away into that dangerous territory. Regions that take too much of his energy to explore. Everything Lloyd Banks says about him is true. It can no longer be denied. What made Olivia so much more appealing to him was the fact that he needed his manhood back. He needed to feel like a man again after doing the unmanly thing of sleeping with another guy. 50 Cent fights with himself because he still needs that validation but it does not come. Even after being intimate with his girlfriend. What is wrong with him? Why is he not able to enjoy the beautiful girl he is in a relationship with? The beautiful and wonderful woman he is sitting across from tonight and having a cozy dinner with. In a private room where there are no interruptions. Why is he holding himself back? She stares into her man's beautiful brown eyes and takes all of him in. Olivia is hooked in so many ways; no denial.
"You okay babe? You seem out of it," she finally says what is on her mind all night.
"Huh? Yea. I'm good. Why wouldn't I be? I'm having a romantic dinner with my beautiful girlfriend," the rapper recovers from the imminent fall.
"You have a long day? It looks like something is on your mind."
"You know how my days are. Long and crazy."
"You want to get the check and go then?" the first female of G-Unit offers her boyfriend.
"No no. We can chill out for a while."
"What do you have to do tomorrow? You can spend the night with me," she entices him.
"Sorry sweetheart. Can't. I have an endorsement meeting to be at in the morning." It is a complete lie. His entire morning is free.
"You sure I can't persuade you to come and relax with me?" Olivia moves closer to the man and licks his ear. A weak spot of his. "I'll do that special thing you like so much," she continues to whisper into his ear.
"As tempting as that sounds baby girl, I can't. Sorry," 50 says softly as he rests his finger under her chin and guides her lips onto his.
"You don't know what you'll be missing honey."
"There'll be other times. You all mine remember?"
She wants to say it. It weighs heavily on her but as much as it seems like the right time, the words will not make themselves known. The subject changes completely. "Have you talked to Chris recently?"
"Not recently. Why?" The fight between them will remain just that.
"Do you think he is upset about us? Us not telling him from the beginning?"
"He shouldn't be. Why would it bother him?" 50 Cent asks, perfectly well knowing the answer to the question and more.
"I don't know. I just sense something is different about him. Call it women's intuition I guess."
"Don't worry about that. He's good."
"You know what else it's telling me?"
"That something is bothering you baby---" she trails off. "Is it Marquise? Are you having problems with his mother?"
He does not want to have this chat and cannot stand hurting her this way. "Yea I miss him but we're in a good place. He knows how much I love him and how nothing will ever change it."
"That's great. He's such a good little boy."
"Sorry Curtis. I didn't mean to badger earlier. I just got this feeling that maybe you were lying to me. And yourself. I just want you to be happy."
"I am happy babe. You make me happy. My job makes me happy. I would trade any of it for anything."
"Are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want?" she presses. It has to be said out loud.
"I'm not a hundred percent sure---" 50 finally breaks down and admits.
"What? Why? Is there someone else?"
"No. Nothing like that. I'm just not sure if this should be happening between us. It doesn't look right."
"I know but I can't deny what I feel."
The buff rapper looks at her and sees something new but has to ask anyway. He hopes he is wrong. "And what do you feel? Is it---"
"Yes Curtis. Yes. It's love. I love you," Olivia fumbles and says; their eyes never leaving the others. "I love you so much baby."
Something inside is screaming in pain and sudden hollowness at the words. He is not wrong and it starts to horribly sink in. "I---can't. We can't."
"Why not? Don't you feel the same way?"
"Oh," Olivia says shortly and quietly. Her insides are slashed and are bleeding profusely. Tension kills the once glorious atmosphere.
"I don't mean to hurt you. I can't give you what you want. Not right now."
"No pressure. That's the last thing I want to do to you. Pressure you into saying it."
"I'm sorry," the buff rapper says again.
"Yea. At least now you know where I stand. I love you. I can't stop thinking about you. I love when we're together. I love how you make me feel. How caring and kind you are."
50 Cent cannot say anything because nothing can follow his girlfriend pouring out her heart to him and getting nothing in return. He does not want to hurt her but he cannot lead her on either. He does not love her. He does like how she makes him feel and thinks about her a lot but it is not love. The feelings that are supposed to be there are not. It cannot be. The rest of the evening shifts to uncomfortable as the pair pay for their meal and leaves. The SUV drops Olivia first and when they walk up to her hotel room, he kisses her sweetly on the cheek and makes his exit. The G-Unit rapper cannot kiss her on the lips. He physically is not able to. His body is telling him something but the signs are too obscure for him to decipher and understand any of it. His suite is dark when he enters and heads straight for the bedroom. Clothes fall off his body and drape on nearby furniture as he naked form slips into bed. The day proves to be too emotionally draining, once again. 50 has no one to talk to now. Every significant relationship is pushed away by his own self.