Author's Note:

One Direction are a British boy band who was formed a year ago on the X Factor. They finished third. The band's members are Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson. This is a fanfiction and I suggest you try finding out more about the guys if you don't know who they are, before reading this. Also, this is a fictional story that does not intend to say anything about the characters' sexuality and private lives in reality. Please keep in mind that English is not my first language. I wish to keep all rights on this story. If you want to reproduce any part of it, you must contact me for permission. Please, do understand that I put a lot of effort in this. For any comments and suggestions: donkakaka@gmail.com

Thank you!

Ryan

The walk back was a pleasant one, but it had it's troublesome moments too. We strolled side by side, shoulders brushing as usual. I am fairly certain he didn't even notice that, but to me it meant a lot. We talked and joked, and he kept throwing me worried glances, as if he was checking that I really was okay after what we talked about. At some point I reassured him that things are fine. I emphasized my words with a smile (that I hoped seemed cute to him), and I think he bought it. I mean, what's not to buy after all? I had taken the decision. I was going to tell him. 

And, the thing is, I wanted to tell him right then and there, there was something inside that wanted me to just vomit the words, but something else held them down, a great, choking fear. So I kept smiling. 

Such a wonderful night!The stars, and the ocean, and the fine grains of sang between my toes, and the soft rustling all around, and the warm breeze that had my shirt flapping every now and then, and Niall's quiet, joyful accent. Everything was perfect, yet I wanted more. I feel so deeply ashamed of myself sometimes. 

In my mind, I had already told him everything, the whole burden was already gone, and now I was getting to the good part. I had his face in my hands and I had never touched anything softer and the word `gently,gently,gently' was spinning around in my head. And then I leaned in with a huge smile and his eyes were moist amd glistening too. His lips were the most astonishingly marvelous thing I had ever come into contact with. 

In reality, I kept smiling, wishing, sighing and promising myself that soon, very soon.

At some point I reluctantly asked Niall to stop for a bit. Even though it's been, what, two weeks since the surgery, and my stitches are already out, I still need the rest sometimes. That creepy feeling that I can't inhale a sufficient amount of air comes back. But my boy is always supportive and caring, he never says anything about it. I will be back in shape in the next 10 days, I promise. 

Back at the house, Niall sat watching the game (not the same that was starting when we left, you know how it is) with the boys and I pondered joining them, but decided against it. I was still in this very peaceful, relaxed, slightly dizzy mood from the walk. I felt the need to be by myself and think. I had been able to do that with Niall too, but things are harder with him right there next to me. So I prepared myself a colorful bowl of ice cream, got my headphones and walked out on the patio. I chose a lounge chair away from the lights of the house.

Finding myself amidst aromatic bushes, I tried the ice cream. I was scared. Because this shit was already affecting our friendship, at least on my side. It was not rare for me to feel all fidgety and confused, my thoughts a swirl, when around him, it was actually happening with a frightening increasing frequency. And it was never like that before! Two weeks ago I could sit next to my beautiful blond best friend and talk to him about anything and not worry about a thing. And it terrified me because what I feared the most was already happening and I was helpless and I didn't want to lose him. Hot tears welled up in my eyes, it became difficult to breathe. 

I shook my head. I jammed my headphones into my ears. I started a special playlist of calm and soothing music I like to listen to when I'm feeling particularly nervous or irritated. It consists of music without lyrics, primarily, like Vangelis or Jean Michelle Jarr, or sounds of nature and such. 

The little ambitious perfectionist inside me urged me. It's a weird thrill, like tiny horses galloping through my chest, and I've learned that it's not always good. Sometimes it gets me too worked up, too enthused, too hopeful, and I fuck things up because I am not camlm because, because...Do you see what I mean?! I need to tell him. But I need to be calm. Because things are going to be okay. It doesn't have to be planned. I could go in right now and blurt it all out, if I wasn't such a coward. 

I opened my eyes and exhaled. There was someone in the chair beside me and it was Zayn. He noticed I had noticed him and smiled. I stopped the music. 

"You seemed...troubled?" Zayn began.

"Why're you out here, isn't the game still on?" I asked in a normal tone of voice. 

"I got a headache." he said and winced to illustrate his words, "Is everything alright?"

I didn't even hesitate.

"Yeah. Was just thinking."

Zayn smiled gently. He is a beautiful guy. Why couldn't I have fallen for him instead? Or for Dave, if we're gonna be talkin about boys? But why not Zayn...His gorgeous smile reminded me of Niall, he'd smiled the same way back at the beach. You know, when he said that he knows it will be all good in the end. I had believed him then, and I believed him now. One can always find the comfort, the reasuusrance he needs in my leprechaun's accent and smile.

-

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy next to a blond leprechaun who just won't wake up. 

Well, breakfast will definitely have him on his feet. 

Sadly, it was only Lou who was up at 9:30, and he refused to prepare something for all of us. So, you know, it was all up to me. I was just sorting out products in two nice piles on the counter, trying to decide between bacon and eggs and delicious grilled sandwiches Payne style, when Harry walked in the living room. 

"Good morning, Styles." I said carefully balancing all the bacon back to the fridge. 

He headed straight to the couch where Louis was lying, propped up on his elbow watching TV. I turned around just in time to see Harry huddling into his body and burrowing his face into his chest. Louis hugged him to himself nonchalantly. They whispered something among themselves and it made me a little sad.

I started the stove and put a pan over it. 

"You makin breakfast, Liam?" Harry called in a sleepy voice. 

"Yeah."

The first two eggs were all ready sliding around the buttery pan.

"I wanna help." he got up and walked over.

"Put something on first though, then you can start working on the sandwiches."

He started opening and closing drawers, apparently looking for a knife.

"It's hot, I ca't be bothered right now."

"I don't care! Go fucking put something on."

"Fine."

I grabbed the bag from Lou who had been holding it for me and stepped out on the already hot sand.

"I don't understand why you need to carry that whole bag, we'll be like 300 meters from the house, you can always walk back if you need anything." Zayn said.

I threw him a look filled with contempt. We're not on good terms ever since he called my sandwiches mutants.

I took a step closer to Louis and put my hand on his shoulder.

"You understand me, don't you, Lou?"

"Of course I do, dear."

We walked until we reached the beginning of where there were actually people laying around. Then we walked a little further. We spread our stuff not too close to the water. There weren't many people around yet, so we could take up as much space as we wanted. A few guys from the security settled in the back lines, trying to stay as stealth as possible in their shorts and black sunglasses.

Zayn had a big fight with the umbrella he tried to open, but finally my head wasn't in the sun anymore and I decided to forgive him.

"Zayn, I'm not mad at you anymore." I informed him.

He fixed his towel next to Harry's.

"Really? Thanks, man!" he said.

I stood up, walked over to him and hugged him.

"Don't let it happen again. If you want this to work, you will have to respect me." I waved my finger at him while NIall laughed in his hands.

A few minutes later Niall's helping hands found their way to my back where they gently smeared sunblock around while I did the same to Lou in front of me, and we formed a little train, doing each other's backs. The lads went into the ocean shortly after that. I still couldn't do too much physical activity, and swimming was absolutely out of the question. So I stood with the water up to my chest and smiled like a true Daddy Direction, as they splashed around in the water. I did join them for a game of voleyball though, it's good to start getting my right leg used to it, I will ve swimming by the end of the week.

In my bag I had crackers and I had extra clothes and I had playing cards and my iPod, as well as another small case where we could all keep our phones and watches, but I did not have water and Zayn kidded me about it until I threatened to throw his phone in the water.

I heard Niall's laughter somewhere close behind me. I turned my head with a joyful smile. I did not see him at first, my eyes fell on Chester, a guy from the security, who waved. Then I spotted the familiar red trunks and fabulous legs and my eyes- WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BLACK BITCH WITH HIM?!

I mean. I mean, there was a girl with him and she was smiling charmingly, but she was ugly and he didn't seem to be buying it. I hope.

Alright, she wasn't black. She was just, like, a little tan. But she did look like a slut. In my eyes. Niall introduced her to us, said she was Spanish, didn't know much English, they'd met at the store he went to buy water from, and she was a waitress at a nearby restaurant. Her name was Joanna (the J turns to H since it's Spanish, ya kno?). Joanna. Reminds me of the wife of a Spanish king we learned about back in high school, Joanna The Mad.

Did you instantly figure out I was the one to blame for them meeting?

Needless to say my mind was occupied solely by the image of them sitting there on the side, talking. I kept trying to overhear what they were saying, butt fuck my Spanish. I watched them carefully, and I know Zayn watched me. They were in front of us and it was safe to stare at them, but it wasn't safe for my dignity. And that bitch, she kept smiling what she surely believed to be a lovely smile (but it wasn't, SLUT, Liam Payne says that!), brushing her hair back, giggling. You know, the usual stuff girls think they can charm you with. 

I've learned to look beyond that, even dislike it - it suggests that the girl is trying to play tricks to get me to like her, isn't being herself completely. I think we all have. But I'm not too sure about Niall, you know how he is.

And while I could see Joanna holding back, appraising him, assessing the situation - because he had, undoubtedly, already told her who he is, if she didn't know, - Niall was being his charming self, no more, no less. As far as I could see, he wasn't falling for her shit, their conversation seemed more friendly than anything. Whew. Because he looked so damn fine, and his hair was so perfect, and those arms...And that laugh? Yeah, that laugh should come after my words, that incredible smile should be directed to me, and me alone, because I am the best friend. 

Oh.

That's what it is. Of Course.

I was jealous.

My best friend.

When I had nor right to be, absolutely no right.

Well. Isn't that funny now. How can I...I felt so terribly ashamed of myself. So fucking sickeningly pathetic, sinking deeper and deeper into the well where no Arlette or rats could be found because I was alone. Terrifyingly alone. Without my best friend, without anyone to love. As if that well was in the middle of a vast abandoned field. Not eve animals passed by, maybe at some point a Lennie and George would stop by in search of water and, oh WHAT the hell am I doing, OF COURSE I have no chance of ever being in a relationship with Niall, what did I allow myself to think again!

Yep. I sank in self pity and despair and hatred.

"Liam." Zayn said softly. I turned to look at him and he moved across the towels to sit next to me. He assumed the same position as me - knees bent, legs spread, arms resting on them, "Let's go in the water, waddaya say? Harry and Lou look like they'll drown each other, come on. No point in sitting here."

Perhaps it was his soft, sympathetic smile, perhaps it was his sexy voice, but I got up and followed him to the water. 

And you can't deny it's totally unfair! I was just getting so...hopeful, and everything seemed to be at peace with the words forming in my head...and now this. I may be his bestest friend, but if he finds a girl, she will be more important to him and I can't just say I love him to death and hope things stay the same. 

Zayn tried very hard to get my mind off the whole deal. I tried myself too, I horsed around with them, but it just wouldn't work. I kept throwing glances over my shoulder while Zayn watched me with that miserable, pleading expression, as if to say `Come on dude, why are you doing this to yourself.' So I just floated on my back for a little after that.

And then, I'm supposed to be happy for him, goddamit. Like a best friend. Because he was the one hurting so bad because he felt lonely and if this b-..girl is the one, than I should support him, not be jealous. Like, what the fuck. 

After we got out of the water and dried out, Zayn dragged me to the same store Niall had bought water from, to get ice cream. He didn't say much on the way, but I kinda wish he had. I suppose he just didn't know what to say, but I appreciated his silent support. Moreover, I don't think there was a way for me not to notice, once again, how mind-blowingly hot he is. I would love to do..yeah, he is hot. 

At the store, we had the...luck of meeting two very attractive Australian chicks and Zayn leaped at the opportunity. They had heard of One Direction, but weren't part of the fandom, they were too much of whores for that. Oh well. The one that chose me for her idiotic games was called Danielle (oh look...), and the other one was Brittany. I decided to play along. Nothing too bad could come out of this.

I flirted with Danielle hardcore in the store and on the way back to the beach, but I could feel it was more of anger than anything else. Even sexual desire was low on the list of priorities with her. 

Harry and Louis hooted when they saw us coming back with girls, but they were simply envious. As far as I know, last time either of them saw his girl was at least a week ago. Brittany and Danielle didn't hang around much. We talked awkwardly, but it was clear neither side really cared, and I kept throwing Niall sneaky glances. He didn't seem too phased out, he wasn't even paying attention. 

We agreed to meet the girls at a club a little into town the same night and then they left. I played cards with the boys until about 2 pm and then we left for the house, leaving Niall with Joanna. He spared us a minute of his time to promise he'd head back soon as well, and get tapas for lunch. I am being overly dramatic here, he didn't act like a princess, he was totally up for it and all, and Joanna watched us awkwardly as we conversed. And then we floated around the pool until my, until Niall came back with several huge bags full of food. He had gotten a little of everything, but we decided to go to the restaurant and eat there tomorrow. 

Fantastic first day.

And then we showered and decided to follow the siesta tradition again. 

"Joanna seem nice." I remarked while putting away a bundle of dirty underwear and other clothes. I even tried a small smile.

"Yeah, she's pretty cool." he said and the lack of enthusiasm in his voice encouraged me, "We talked for a long time today."

I laughed.

"Yeah, I noticed."

The cool sheets felt so good on my spent body. I know a lot more about exhaustion of all kinds now, on that summer afternoon...

"And the girls you met?" he asked and slid under the covers too.

"Meh."

He watched TV and I went straight to sleep, feeling relieved.

-

Wake up in the afternoon feeling like Liam Payne

Zayn and Lou were at the beach in front of the house, sipping cocktails, when we woke up and Harry was still sleeping. We chilled with them there, watching the sun drown carefully, and then started getting ready to go out.

Following Joanna's directions, we arrived at a big club a few streets into town. Entering was a shock. The music was so loud, oh God, it bowled along the floor and rolled off the walls and then crashed on everyone's heads, over and over again. 

We didn't really stick together, but meh. I tagged along with Zayn and we got ourselves drinks and moved over to the more crowded part of the club. There we found Brittany and Danielle, of course. I did not drink too much, but I shook off the sticky feeling of rejection and bitterness. Shoved it deep down rather. Damn, we were hot, dancing like there's no one around. But it definitely helped me get out all the frustration and get into the mood for a sexual encounter. 

It must have been around 2 when me and Zayn left the club hurriedly with the girls by our sides. I was quite surprised that we did not get straight to it back at the house since they said it was their last night in Spain. We chilled in creepy silence and then the others came back, loud and very drunk, and they had another surprise with them - Joanna. She settled on the couch next to me and, after greeting me, Niall sat next to her. 

So I grabbed Danielle and we went up to the room I shared with Niall. I spread a towel over the sheets, out of respect, and the good part lasted about half an hour. I mean, it was good. I've had better, that's for sure, but I cannot complain. Danielle de Australia was a slut and she knew her business. 

I felt so much better after that! I opened the door to the balcony and went downstairs with a big grin plastered across my face. Niall was just saying bye to Joanna. Apparently, Zayn and Brittany weren't quite done (they weren't finished an hour later either), but Danielle didn't have the patience to wait for her friend, so she was out the door soon after that as well. 

I plopped down on the couch next to Niall, a plate with a very healthy sandwich in my lap and the same cheerful smile.

"Want me to make you one too?" I asked him.

"No, I'm fine." he didn't move his gaze from the TV. 

"Well, alright." I said and took a bite of the tomato-two different kind of ham-cheese-lettuce-loads of mayonnaise goodness, "Did you see Joanna at the club?"

"Yeah."

"I like her, she seems really nice. I approve of her." I laughed to my sandwich and took another bite.

"Yeah, yeah, she is very nice."

"Yep. Aaand she doesn't look like she's too easy either." I'm hilarious tonight!

"You'd know about being easy, wouldn't you." he got up without looking at me.