Salt Lake City

When Harry returned to the hotel, he found Liam working on some business of his in the cafe. Louis was the only one who was still sleeping and Harry received the information with relief. Louis. Thinking about him gave Harry a warm feeling, a pleasant feeling. Louis was the safe place. Louis was just what he needed right now. Louis was where Harry could drop down on his back and breathe out his sticky thoughts in a cloud that wouldn't bug him for the time being. 

Well, that's not how it always happens. Louis has a peculiar personality and though Harry's positive he's already learned how to handle it, there's times when it's too much.

Harry estimated he still had an hour or two to spend next to Lou and hurried to the elevator, well aware of the way his shirt clung to his body and of the intense stare of a girl seated not far from him in the lobby of the hotel. He started to smile, then abruptly turned away, feeling a burning hand tug at something in his chest. The thoughts that had ran through his mind followed a path from the realization that he could now return the intense stare with sincerity to the realization that this was not a good thing.

Louis was not exactly sleeping. His shirtless body was sprawled on the bed. The curtains were open and his hand had fallen across his eyes. Tiptoeing into the room, Harry took his shoes off next to the bed and noticed a banana peel on the table. He, too, took his shirt off and was now down to his beige trousers. 

The curly boy stood next to the bed and watched the way the rising and falling of his friend, his close friend's chest was barely there. Lou's breathing was usually very deep when he was sleeping. It was very calming. But not this time, Harry supposed. Louis' pajama bottoms were very low on his hips, and the waistband of his underwear allowed Harry to see a little of his short pubic hair. He smiled to himself, then gently sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on Lou's belly.

Louis was startled, of course. His hand fell from his face immediately and he drew in a sharp breath. Harry smiled tiredly. Louis smiled back, concernedly. The curly boy slowly settled back, nestling his body next to Louis who turned to drape an arm across his chest. 

Louis wanted to say something, but he didn't know what because Harry had closed his eyes up at the ceiling. Louis was amazed to see how with each breath his companion took, the pained wrinkles on his face ironed out until it was peaceful but solemn. He rested his head back on the pillow and his hand affectionately rubbed Harry's torso.

"I waited for her to board the plane and then I left. But it was really bad, the whole time I wished I was somewhere else. I wished things were different," Harry said quietly and Louis saw that his eyes were open now.

"I'm sorry," he replied.

"Me too."

"But, Harry, what more were you to do. And she didn't look too crushed when you told her, did she?"

Harry didn't answer. How could he? He closed his eyes again and exhaled loudly. Louis decided not to be ruthless. For some time they were quiet. The younger lad discovered that he hadn't really thought the silence and Louis' presence would calm him, not this time, but they did, gradually. He felt the quietness take a smooth, warm shape and gently fall over him and his friend like a light sheet. 

When he finished reflecting on the previous day and thinking about all that lay before them today, Louis turned his attention to Harry once more. Now he felt bad because it was another one of those moments when there was nothing he could do to see a smile split Harry's face. Or maybe there was, but who knew whether it'd be appropriate. Yeah, it'd be appropriate. Maybe.

"Harry?"

"Yeah."

"Can I kiss you now?"

Harry felt warm and nice. 

"Yeah."

"Are the lips still off limits?"

Harry frowned and turned to meet that striking mixture of blue and green in Lou's gaze.

"When have they been off limits?"

"Well, before...I mean, I didn't think it was right before, in situations like this one," Louis explained.

Harry moved his face closer and pecked Louis' lips. Then it was the older boy who initiated a deeper kiss. Harry felt the familiar rush of warmth and he was suddenly light headed. He must be thinking of Jess and feeling guilty and sad and hurt, you'd say. But he wasn't, not really. Then he felt Louis' warm hand sneaking down his abs and under his belt. In no time it was pleasantly squeezing Harry's package. 

"Louis, no," Harry hastily pulled the intruder out of his pants. 

Louis studied him with curiosity.

"You know it will help," he pointed out and kissed the soft lips again, putting even more passion in the gesture. 

For a moment Harry was about to give in. But no, he didn't want to. And his member wasn't responding anyways.

"No, Louis, I said no," he was still calm, but he scooted away and his voice was firm. The other boy pressed his lips together and rolled on his back.

"Fine." he said. 

Harry looked at him irritatedly, and inside of him frustration and painful disappointment grew. Louis was silently pouting. Harry got up abruptly.

"Gosh."

Harry took a hesitant step, knowing Lou would ask him to come back and not sure whether he wanted to give in. He took another one, suddenly feeling horribly exhausted and small. 

"Harry, Harry! Harry, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. Come here."

And Harry complied. He dropped back to the mattress and he hid his face in the older boy's chest. Louis' heart shattered when he, too, saw how small Harry felt. He threw an arm around his body. He was in a different mode now.

"It's so messed up. There's basically no right choice, and I'm always the one who's losing!" the curly boy whined to the hairs on Louis' chest, "I already lost."

"But you're Harry Styles and she doesn't have you anymore. That alone is a much bigger loss than...well, than everything."

"That's not how it is, Louis..."

Louis scolded himself. Of course it isn't. 

"It's like...the whole time she didn't even care and then she cared for a moment and I fell for her all over again. Every. fucking. time, Louis, every. fucking. time," Harry's finger abused Lou's chest. "And she pretended to care all along, all because of the attention. Or maybe she did love me, but then as we saw each other at bigger intervals, her feelings disappeared and she stayed for the attention only. She did seem a bit sad when we parted. But I did everything I could, Louis, we met up as often as possible! You know I always did my best to arrange our seeing each other!"

Louis' arm pulled their bodies closer together because Louis didn't know what to say.

"And what happened in Vegas?" he asked quietly.

Harry didn't reply for some time. While he was thinking, a palm began rubbing slow, calming circles on his back.

"It's probably the best time we've had together," Harry said thoughtfully, but he was exaggerating slightly. "It was amazing and I...fell in love with her again and again because she was making an effort. She was just wonderful. But, in the end, I realized that she will probably go back to the way she always is."

Now Harry was feeling the cloud of sticky worries leaving his body.

"You knew it other times, before. Did you not believe it then? Why did you keep giving..your relationship chances?" Louis asked.

Harry shrugged, "I guess this is the first time that...I guess this time I cared about what was going to happen to me if she started again. Emotionally, I mean."

"We can stay here for as long as you wish," Louis said.

And Harry ended up with his face pressed into a pillow and Louis' hands all over him. Louis was so careful and so gentle that Harry himself almost started believing he was made of glass, that he was the finest, most cherished thing for Louis. The older lad loved him for the longest of hours. Harry often saw stars, but what he'll remember the most out of this experience is the warm breath on his neck and the comforting weight of the strong body.

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