"Liam! Here's a question for you," began the interviewer, a plump lady at a radio station in Melbourne. "You've changed your hairstyle several times since you were first put together as a band, erm, and now you have it short. Erm, are you planning on trying something new again or are you settling for this look? You've combined it well with your facial hair."
"I'm actually letting it grow out a bit now, uh-"
"Yeah, see, it's starting to curl here at the ends. Look, here and here..." Niall showed the camera to a few places on my head, touching my hair here and there, and I smiled at the attention.
The ladies that were interviewing us seemed nice, but the plump one didn't seem touched by Niall's cuteness.
"Seeing as we're already having PDA in the studio, we should probably move on to the topic of you two being..." the plump lady gestured towards us with an unreadable expression and her colleague helped her out.
"Yes, we'd like to ask you guys a few questions about your relationship. Actually some of the questions go out to your bandmates as well, you're probably open about this with them," she smiled pleasantly and we made various noises of agreement.
The bus door clicked behind me and I turned around just in time to see Niall's slender body crawling onto my bed. On his face was a happy grin and his purple tank top revealed the skin of his stomach, the whole moment was out of a movie. And it didn't stop there. A second later I was climbing over him with a smile of my own, careful not to hit my head and taking in the sight of his flawless body, the smell of his cologne, the little adorable choked up noises of laughter he was making, the thud of his heart against my chest and the sweet taste of his lips on mine.
He smiled many times while the kiss lasted, he couldn't seem to contain his happiness and it was contagious. I don't know why he was so happy, but I was happy too. At some point I realized that it's almost impossible for my tongue to meet with his for more than a second because of that damn smile and I rolled off of him, holding his hand between our bodies. Our faces were still so close and Niall was still smiling and my grin got wider, and his did too. Maybe at that moment somewhere far, far away our happiness gave birth to a star. Or maybe it was two stars because we rested like this for so long, our breath mingling between us, our hands squeezed between our chests, our legs touching comfortably, me finally taking up the task of counting the remarkable fine streaks of green in the blue infinity of his eyes.
"Nialler," I whispered, voicing my thoughts. "do you remember when you said that it was all going to end okay? You didn't even know why I was upset then."
He nodded, still beaming.
"I remember. I was right."
I nodded too. A moment passed.
"And after that day in Spain, when we talked for the first time...Remember how...somehow broken our friendship was? That's how I felt it, at least."
He nodded gently, his gaze trailing off down my arm.
"I remember how I said it all felt insane, and you said that maybe we should just try," I could tell he was in thoughtful-Nialler mode now. "It's good that...It feels very natural now, most of the time. I'm glad we tried," he looked me in the eye then, "I know you sometimes wonder, I know it must be on your mind, so you should know that no, I don't have any regrets."
I nodded and then a smile slowly crept up my lips. I inched my head closer to his and pressed our foreheads together. Bathing in the pools of blue from such a close proximity is a magical experience. He pecked my lips, and in return I pecked his. The serene moment was prolonged and it slowed the beat of our hearts until we heard Louis' contagious laughter accompanying the opening of the bus door.
"That's exactly what I was thinking!" he said to someone, but I had the feeling he was alone. A second later he walked past my bunk and caught sight of us, Niall on his back now, his hand still in mine. "Wait a second, our lovebirds are huddled together. Eleanor says she wishes she was here to see you have sex," Louis laughed again and walked on, and I had another feeling that his girlfriend didn't really say that.
My hand sneaked underneath Niall's top with the only intention of feeling his skin. He smiled and streched his body in the small space, then got up. He took his top off and threw it in the cavity of his bunk. His pale chest glistened at places, the sight of his smooth, toned stomach made my cock stir.
"I love seeing you shirtless," I confided.
His face lit up for a second, but only for a second.
He smirked. He unbuckled his belt, biting on his lip and moving his pelvis around all suave and sexy and I laughed as he took his shorts off.
@NiallOfficial: "on the way to Sydney! @zaynmalik are you going to spend a minute out of your bed on the bus"
is what I saw when I opened my laptop and scrolled a bit through my Twitter timeline. I found Niall sitting on one of the comfy sofas after I showered. Next to him was Louis and Zayn really was in his bunk, although not alone. We had a guest on the bus that night. Thankfully, it wasn't too noisy. When Niall saw me approaching, he very throughtfully leaned back, stretched and then ran his hand over his torso. I bit back a smile.
@Real_Liam_Payne: "@NiallOfficial is enjoying the australian heat"
and a picture of me pointing at my boyfriend's naked chest while kissing the side of his head followed. Then we took another one with Louis sticking his head between us and tweeted that one too.
"Now watch Tumblr explode," Lou laughed as he returned to his seat.
"You've been on Tumblr, right? Have you seen the things tagged with `Niam'?" I asked Niall, already opening the website.
"I've been on Tumblr, but I haven't looked around much, why?" he replied and he pressed himself closer, abandoning his computer.
I typed the name the fans had given me and Niall as a couple in the search box for tags. The picture we'd just posted was already uploaded a few times, and there were several posts with content like `oMG NIAM TWITTER PHOTOS LET ME DIE SO CUTE OMG'. Next to me Niall was smiling and I put my hand around his waist. I refreshed and two or three new posts appeared, some of them with fixed quality and fancy effects added.
"That's where they've got all the fanfiction and pictures and stuff?" my blond man asked.
"Yes, basically," I was already scrolling down.
"How do you know about all of this?"
I smiled what I hoped was an innocent and shy smile.
"I used to come on here some before...like...When I thought I didn't stand a chance."
I went on scrolling and Niall wanted me to check out several of the shorter fanfictions. Is `fanfiction' uncountable? Can you say `fanfictions'? Most of the ones we read into were quite sexual, some portraying us as dirty mouthed pervs, others giving a totally innocent and confused image of us. I'll have to admit that I did get a few ideas. There was this one story where I was shown as kind of violent and abusive and I was described as shoving a dildo up Niall's bum without his consent and in the story he was all submissive and whimpery. When we reached the point in the text where I was fucking him wildly, I threw my very real Niall a glance. He was blushing deeply and seemed engrossed by the story, and he wasn't even trying to hide it by feigning surprise or disgust. I remembered the night in Vegas. Maybe it's a good idea to try to talk to him about this...about the prospect of him possibly being interested in sexual activities involving a little more aggression and me going along with his ideas.
But that interesting conversation happened a lot later. We enjoyed seeing beautifully edited pictures and collages of us together - from the recent shows, from before we got together, candids, photoshoots. In some of the photos the photographers had managed to capture the essence of the affection behind our gestures towards each other and whatever editing had been done to those pictures only enhanced the effect. I'm in love.
Niall spotted another interesting story by someone who'd apparently witnessed the moment between us that day a long time ago when my boy was returning from Ireland and I was waiting for him at the airport. I noted that the user who had published the messages had chosen 'horayne' for their URL and Niall smiled. The story itself made me feel warm but uncomfortable.
You know how a little after he saw me, Niall just ignored the fans and came over to me? Well, as it tuns out, they had all been watching our exchange closesly. Not that it was anything unusual, in my eyes it was an awkward and restrained hug, but I suppose our feelings did show more than I thought they did. The person who was sharing their experience described me and Niall's actions so thoroughly, almost beautifully. She (I'm assuming it's a girl) said that she could see the "unmistakable gleam of love" in my eyes and that Niall's posture had softened considerably when we touched. And when I read about how my Irishman had been blissfully smiling at me, he uttered a soft 'wow'. The girl went on to say that she'd known something must be up between us ever since that moment.
How...weird is that? And how incredible too. I felt it embarrasing that we hadn't been more careful, that our emotions - the strongest, most private and cherished ones - had been so obvious. But at the same time it made me quiver with glowing happiness. Because I love him so much and because I could feel him melting into my side and because perhaps it's okay for people to see just how strong and wonderful our feelings are.
The next day was tough. It was tough for me, for everyone in Sydney and the region, but most importantly, it was tough for Niall, my boy. The morning was pretty much awesome. We had breakfast and made plans to go out together, the two of us, spend some time alone and visit various places around the city, and rejoin the boys afterwards. Niall was his jolly self and I just couldn't wait for us to head out.
The he called his brother, he hadn't talked to him in a long while. And I suppose whatever his brother told him completely smashed his good mood to dust. I noticed a change in the way he carried himself when he entered our hotel room - a certain rigidness, but I didn't think much of it. He walked over to the row of shoes and I assumed he was getting ready for us to leave for the beach. I went over to him to grab my own shoes, casually brushing his bare arm. I suppose a part of me was worried something might be up. He jumped away from me without looking up from his shoes. Now the other part of me wanted to take this as a playfull gesture, but I knew it wasn't. My thoughts were confirmed when Niall simply walked out of the apartment.
I was dumbfounded. I wasn't sure what to do - should I go after him, give him his space, try to comfort him?
I took the elevator to the lobby and my heart raced, pounded in my chest in unhealthy intervals. I found him sitting at the end of a chair by the pool, but when he saw me approaching, he got up and headed for the small gate that led out to the street in front of the hotel and my head swam and I fought off urges to yield to destructive fear and dissemble to pieces in the grass. My legs though, they took a decision of their own and before I knew it I was standing just outside the small gate, watching my blond man shift restlessly in the Australian heat, hands in pockets, eyes behind the opaque blackness of his sunglasses. I don't know if he saw me, but I hope he didn't because I just stood there, terrified to do anything other than to turn around and disappear.
I tried and tried to get my thoughts under control, to talk to him before he leaves and this goes out of control. But I felt miles away. In those moments, I didn't see him as my best friend, my boyfriend, my man. I was so fucking scared, I was paralyzed. I don't even know what I feared. Everything had been going so, so well. And now? Is it me? Did I do something, think Liam, did you do something? Is he regretting this, he said...
A black Mercedes stopped in front of the hotel, where Niall was standing, and I recognized the car. He opened the door and got in the backseat, but didn't close the door for some reason and the car didn't leave immediately. It just stood there and a Liam inside of me realized that this is my chance and I heard a croak come out of my mouth.
I started for the car and I called his name again and the door opened again and he stuck his head out. He saw me, he looked away. He closed the door, but I was already next to the car. He rolled down the window. I stood there, but he didn't look at me or leave.
"What happened?" I asked quietly.
"My father... I need some time," he didn't look at me.
I was on the verge of tears, I swear.
"When are you going to be back?" I asked, taking a huge risk with the obtrusive question that was actually meant to find out whether he's coming back at all.
"I don't know," Niall replied firmly.
We were silent. I could see the driver throwing us sneaky, curious glances. Cars were wheezing by and people were walking and talking and laughing.
He looked at me and chewed on his lip. I couldn't see his eyes. I put my hands on the door and hesitantly leaned forward. I hesitated, then moved closer to him. His breath was on my lips, then I kissed him, lightly, and he responded. I tried again because the relief was indescribable, but he moved his lips away and didn't look at me again.
An hour I spent by the pool, battling the feeling of rejection. Harry appeared, but he didn't ask. Louis did, and I briefly told him about what had happened. Zayn asked him if he wanted to get a drink from the pool bar. I was left with the sulking Harry, suffocating under the oppressive feeling that I should ask him what's wrong.
I grunted. I chucked my phone in the pocket of my trunks, jammed my hands in there too and ambled alongside the pool. The water shimmered and splashed pleasantly, invitingly, while the sun slowly burned on my unprotected back. Josh, Zayn's dear friend, was walking out of the hotel with the other Josh, far from me. I turned back towards the gate and saw an unpleasant man snapping a photo. Not far from him a girl was doing the same. I suppressed the boiling of my blood, pulled my cap lower. Outside the gate, on the sidewalk I took a deep breath and chewed my lip when I heard "oh my god, he's so hot" and immediately after that someone called my name.
I found it more than easy to pull off a completely genuine looking smile. What warmed my heart was the shy confession that "you are amazing".
I was restless. I swam a lot. In my mild panic, hundreds of theories swarmed my thoughts and filled me with anxiety. I had to try to fix it, I can't let this be the end of us. And he kissed me. He said he just needs a little time. I mean, everything will be alright in the end. That's what he said a long time ago, and it's still valid. One way or another. Although perhaps - perhaps he's finally changed his mind. But he's my Niall.
The signal ringed in my ear longer than I'd expected, but finally I heard my dad's deep voice.
A long pause followed.
"What's going on?"
"We're taking a little break now, before continuing with the tour in Australia. How are you? Is it getting very cold over there?" I asked gently, picking on my leg hair.
"Uh...yeah, it's getting a bit colder. We're okay. Your mother just left for work," there was another pause, but the flow of our conversation was still much better than it had been last time I called him. "You having fun there?"
"We are. It's great here, there are a lot of places we didn't get the chance to visit last time. And it's very, very hot too. When are you going to come over?" talking to him felt good and calming. I dulled the urge to tell him about what was bugging me right away.
"I don't know," pause. "Maybe we could come while you're still in Australia? ou're coming home after that, right?"
"Yes, we'll have a week or so off before we continue. I could fly you out here when we're in Brisbane, or if that's too soon, when we go to Adelaide."
"That sounds good. I'll talk to your mother, you should ring your sisters too."
"Daddy, I think Niall is having a very bad time right now. He talked to his brother today and he must have told him something about his father. Niall got all grumpy and distant and he just left, he went somewhere. I'm really...I feel really bad and I...just don't know what's going to happen with us."
Dad was silent. I knew he was still having somewhat of a hard time digesting the facts around my relationship with Niall, and I hoped it wasn't inappropriate of me to talk about it.
"Why could he be upset?" Dad asked.
"Well, because of how his father has been acting. He didn't take our...coming out well at all and he has refused to talk to Niall since then."
"I see," Dad was silent again and I wondered whether I should say something to close the topic. "Well, I'm sorry that he reacted that way. There's nothing you can do about Niall, just be there for him."
"Yeah. I know. But what if he decides this is too much for him and he wants to end our relationship?" I hadn't had the chance to talk to my father as openly in so long.
"Mm, I think you'll work it out. He values you much more than that."
And after a few more hours of fluctuating between infinite worry and empty consolations, my phone rang with a tune that made my heart jump and pterodactyls shoot around in my stomach. I let it caress my ears for a little longer. That melody is charged with so much thrilling...well...love? God, I can't explain it! It's so much Niall, so much us.
"Hi. Can we meet somewhere?" his voice was calm and the pterodactyls went insane, I was already on my feet.
His voice is always somehow raspy. It's so Irish, so Horan. And he sometimes talks a bit fast, and sometimes he sounds a bit breathless. That voice can make me immortal, and it can reduce me to the horniest pleading mess.
He didn't reply immediately, it was noisy around him.
"I don't know. What was that place we planned to visit tomorrow? The gardens?"
"The Chinese Gardens, I think. Do you want to go there?"
"Yeah, let's go there. Just get a cab, or get someone to drive you there. Let's meet up at the main entrance," the noise around him suddenly vanished.
"Okay. I'll be right there. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I'll see you there."
And there he was, sitting on the stairs in his tight white polo in the narrow shade of the curvy stone dragon. His head was in his hands, but not in the desperate way. He was messing around with his hair and making it look sexier. I was a few paces from him when he looked up. He smiled ruefully, apologetically.
"Wait, are you okay?" I topped him when he stood up and started up the stairs.
"Yeah. Let's go in there."
We paid our entrance tickets and were offered to change into traditional Chinese outfits, but we decided we'd leave that for another time. Before taking us out in the actual gardens, the path we chose passed through a few buildings with things that all caught my eye, but Niall didn't stop. There were few people on the main alley. I followed my boy when he took the walkway between what were labeled as Lotus Pond and the Lake of Brightness on the map I had.
The temperature inside the gardens was considerably lower. All the breathtaking greenery around us rustled softly. Under my gray shirt, my skin felt much better than it had in the heat of the concrete outside. I was just marveling at the crystal clear waters of the pond to my right when Niall surprised me by grabbig my hand in his. He interlocked our fingers and smiled briefly.
"This place is called The Chinese Garden of Friendship," he said.
Is that supposed to mean anything?
"Yeah. It's really beautiful so far, isn't it?" he smiled again.
"It is, it's very beautiful."
We walked on. We've never held hands for so long in public.
"I know we're supposed to talk about what happened before now, I just don't know what to say," my stunning blond man laughed and squeezed my hand. "I just needed some time."
"That's okay. Is everything fine now?"
"Yes. I'm feeling okay again."
We entered an alley with much more shade. The breeze, the crystal clean air, the intoxicating aroma of exotic plants. Niall's cologne, his hand in mine.
Our eyes met for a second, then he looked at me again. Such beauty is heavenly. He moved closer and kissed me. Again and again, needily and with so much emotion. Getting lost in the thrills coursing through my being, I clumsily put my hand on his waist in a reassuring gesture.
I held him close. With my eyes close, I felt his body pressed against mine and touched the now present absence of relief. Peculiar. But not what I should be thinking about. He moved his hand across my back.
At one of the farthest corners of the gardens, Niall guided us to a bench. He leaned into me, allowed me to cuddle him.
"It's good. It's...Thank you for being here - see this--" he faltered again, "I am grateful because few people get the chance to have something like this. Not many people are lucky."
I clutched him in my embrace.
"I love you," I said.
The serenity quietly enveloped us in its embrace. I could stay there forever.
"Can I ask what happened? If you'd like to talk about it."
"Yeah," Niall replied with a sigh. "Greg told me about how Dad got drunk last night and went to his flat and said-- He said a bunch of things about me, about me and you. I don't know, I thought he was accepting it, but..."
I was shaking my head lightly, my dear, dear man. He's a carefree mofo, but the world seems to be determined to take that away from him.
"Greg didn't wanna tell me, but I insisted and he said that dad...like...Dad basically said he's disgusted by me and..." Niall shrugged, "...he'd disown me if he still had the power to do that, or something of that sort. And I know you hear about these things all the time and they always sound horrible, but when it's actually happening to you..."
"I'm so sorry. I worried a lot. I'm just glad you didn't take any...drastic decisions about us. Anything else..."
We sat in the comfortable silence. A few times I kissed his head.
"Niall, what if I get old and I still like young people? I mean, like, I'm only attracted to young people and not like, people my age. I don't wanna be a pedophile.."
My boy's body shook in a fit of laughter and I smiled. He rubbed his cheek against mine. No, I don't think my smile could get wider.
"Are you serious? I'm never getting old, I'm never gonna look old, so...Problem solved basically!" he laughed again.
"So you're saying...That's so sweet."
I kissed him sweetly. His body felt just perfect in my arms.
"We could even get married one day..." Niall said.
"We could, we certainly could."
You hear that? He's considering the thought of us getting married. Exactly how long ago was it when he thought it was all crazy? Look how far we've come, look.
"I love you."
Niall pressed his lips to mine. His kisses were charged with so much passion, need and calm, warm desire. The ineffable beauty of the moment was complete when I opened my mouth to his tongue and the faint violins somewhere so far away touched upon the climax of their harmony.
Don't forget that you can go to my blog, http://homopsychking.tumblr.com to find the rest of the story. Feedback is appreciated, always! :]