Author's Note:

One Direction are a British boy band who was formed a year ago on the X Factor. They finished third. The band's members are Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson. This is a fanfiction and I suggest you try finding out more about the guys if you don't know who they are, before reading this. Also, this is a fictional story that does not intend to say anything about the characters' sexuality and private lives in reality. Please keep in mind that English is not my first language. I wish to keep all rights on this story. If you want to reproduce any part of it, you must contact me for permission. Please, do understand that I put a lot of effort in this. For any comments and suggestions: donkakaka@gmail.com

Thank you!

Ryan

I lied. We left San Francisco at about 6:17 pm PST and landed in New York three hours later, at 12:38am EST. So it really was a little tricky. But we weren't too tired or anything, it hadn't been a long day. I personally was really looking forward to getting a good sleep on the flight home though, since we'd be arriving in the UK around noon. Who knows though, we might decide to sleep through the whole day. 

Our time at the airport, waiting for our flight, flew by pretty quickly. I mean, considering I had this gorgeous blonde so close to me, a great book in my hand, three other amazingly funny guys sitting across from me...
Niall stayed in the same position, lying with his head on my leg, for quite a while and I enjoyed every bot of it. And not in a necessarily sexual or even romantic way. I mean, sure, it was amazing and it gave me a super warm feeling that I got to be so close to him, that he showed this affection for me, but it was also very...comfortable, cozy, as in...it really made me feel good about things. This general feeling that life is good.  

After almost an hour of sitting like that, with my boy comfortably resting on my leg, reading and occassionaly throwing around remarks with the boys, he said he was getting too sleepy. He wanted to save his sleep for the flights though, where he would be able to "sprawl on a seat like a boss and sleep through the vastness of the Atlantic Ocean", so he decided to go around the shops in the terminal and maybe get some food with Zayn and Louis. 

I missed him. I realized how much fonder of him I'd grown over the past month or so, after coming to terms with my feelings and my sexuality. Well, okay, I'm not too sure about the whole sexual orientation thing yet, I still want to take my time and explore things, but... It really feels like things have changed, at least for me. It hurts more, but it also calms me. And something else, something that makes me really happy, regardless of how wrong I may be about it, is that Niall's been more affectionate with me lately. He'd brush my arm, pull me into sideways hugs, admire the softness of my hair (it really is remarkably soft though), walk in the bathroom to take a piss while I'm showering...I don't know. My heart sees all this as a positive sign that he certainly feels something for me. But if I think about it, I had been paying attention to all these little things, but only now, after admitting I might be bi in front of Niall, started seeing them in a different light. Because he took it so well, and my heart embraces every bit of hope it can get its hands on. 

I don't know. It's all too complicated so I shall get back to my book. I mean, obviously I can't talk to Harry - he's fully absorbed in his little game on his little fancy iPad. So I got back to reading the sentence over and over again while thinking about all this shit. What's my last hope? Zayn said that I will probably meet someone and that someone will get my mind of Niall and things will settle down. 

"Liam, I'm going to the bathroom, watch all the stuff here, okay?"

I guess I could cling to that, even if something inside is telling me it might not work.

"Sure."

I put down the book on the seat next to me and walked over to the big..windows, do you call them windows since they are this big?, next to the gate exit. A huge plane in dark blue and red was slowly approaching the terminal. Its dark windows flashed, reflecting the light coming from the terminal. As it got closer and closer I realized just how big it was, with the huge wings and...everything. I wondered what they were going to do with it since the still was an hour left till the official boarding time. Maybe they were cleaning it from the previous flight. Refilling it with fuel. Or no, I think they do the fuel thing somewhere else. I remember reading this story, "The Langoliers", by Stephen King and it was about this plane and when they had to refuel, they had to get it to the middle of the...well...Oh never mind. I'm gonna have to ask Niall about it. He knows a bit about planes. 

I'm so lonely right now, wherethehelliseverybody...I hope they bring me a shrimp sandwich. Oh there's Harry. Well he seems excited.

"Liam! Ohmygod are the others not back yet, I have great news!"

"No, they're probably choosing the best shrimp sa-"

"Listen! Uncle Jason just called, you know the one that came to a show and brought those ice cream buckets? And he's like, married to my mum's cousin?"

I remember him alright! That ice cream was so fucking amazing, and there was pink, orange, yellow, chocolate, vanila, blue even...you don't see these things often anymore.

"Yeah, so he just called. He's got this uhh...villa, somewhere in Spain and he said that he wasn't gonna use it this summer because they are going to be traveling too much, so he offered to give us the keys and stuff and we can go there whenever we decide to!" he said quickly and more than excitedly. 

"Oh damn, really?!" pretty damn exciting, considering we wanted to go on a vacation somewhere but didn't have anything planned..

"Yeah, we just have to talk to the management.." he pushed curls out of the way and grinned.

"I don't think there will be any problem, we got only the..oh, no, wait, three interviews in total?"

"And that photoshoot, but I think they are all next week."

"So we have the rest of June free?" 

"And the first two weeks of July too, I think."

"Oh wow...I think we can totally manage a good two weeks in Spain then." I scratched on the already growing stubble on my chin. 

I returned to my seat to impatiently wait for the guys to come back and Harry went back to his game, grinning to himself. There they are. Harry bolted off his seat and towards Louis chanting his name. Thank God he had enough sense to hand what he was carrying to Zayn because Harry literally threw himself in his arms and my shrimp sandwich missed the impact by a second. 

"Harry, sweetie, you need to understand that Louis needs a break sometimes, okay? But he will always be back to you and only you, don't worry." Lou reassured while trying to gently release Harry on the ground. 

Zayn sat in the seat on my left.

"Here you go." he handed me the sandwich "Niall said we should get you something to drink too, so I decided on a strawberry smoothie." 

Niall was just placing the many things he was carrying on a couple of seats on my right. He handed me the smoothie, handed Zayn his food and plopped down i nthe seat next to me, a round mini pizza in one hand. 

"But guys, listen! Louis sit there!"

And Harry, in all his excitement, explained once again while we figured out the money deal for the food, and the guys were happy and we decided to talk to Ms Gerald, who is kind of the head of out whole team. She is a small woman, smaller than my boy even, but she can be real hard on us for all sorts of things. I was really glad when she was on my side after the incident in the club the other day.

We're going to Spain. Oh yeah. 

-

We were actually served `dinner' on the plane, and it was quite delicious, I must admit. I will have to work out a little harder in the next week though. 

No one fell asleep in the first hour, I think, we were all busy with dinner, looking about, chatting quietly. Across the aisle from me was a family with a small boy. The boy was sitting in between his parents. He was a real cute little creature and reminded me of Niall a lot, with his darkish blond hair and never fading smile. He kept looking at me, leaning forward to see me past his mom. I waved. He giggled and waved back. I smiled at him, he smiled back, but then I didn't really know what more to do. 

"Hello there!" said Niall with a very serious expression, leaning forward in his seat. 

The little boy seemed a bit taken aback. He waved. 

"What's your name? I'm Niall." he remained serious.

"Tony." said the boy timidly, in a very melodic voice. His mother was observing the exchange with a smile. 

"It's very nice to meet you, Tony." my boy said, smiling a little, and nodded. "How old are you? If I may ask, of course."

"I'm five." Tony held up his palm. 

"I see. I was five too, but a long time ago." he nodded his head a couple of times again. "So where you going? Home? Or is this a business trip of some kind, perhaps you have a conference to attend in London?"

He was dead serious and I couldn't wait to see how the exchange would continue. Tony giggled despite his confusement. 

"No. Me and Mummy and Daddy are going to see grandma and her friend Joe."

"Ah." Niall nodded understandingly, "Do you like Joe? Because Joe is a very nce name, I imagine he must be quite a fun person."

"Yes, we play thumb war and watch Phineas and Ferb together!" Tony smiled happily.

"OH! Thumb war? I love that game! Wanna play right now?" he seemed genuinely enthusiastic to do this.

We moved around in the tiny space between the seats and finally settled with Zayn next to the window, me in the middle and my cute blonde to my right. Tony and his mother switched seats too, and he and Niall played thumb war. They laughed and teased, talked about TV shows like Phineas and Ferb and Zeke and Luther, about race cars and about Tony's grandma.

I marveled at how good Niall is with kids. He seemed genuinely intrigued by the conversation they were having, smiling, nodding, laughing. Not even once did he show in any way he might feel superior to the little boy because of his age. No, he treated him as an equal, asking for his opinion and discussing whether Zack from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody/The Suite Life on Deck was an actual douche. I adored him more than ever in those moments when he was talking to Tony, the top two buttons of his green polo shirt open, the definition on his arms showing subtly.

To my left Zayn was already sleeping, and when I looked between the seats, Harry and Louis were too. I looked around. Most of the people on the plane were sleeping. Soothingly quiet around. I pulled the hood of my hoodie over my head and nestled comfortably into my seat. 

I fell asleep to Niall's soft laughter. I dreamt of a perfect blonde boy, as usual.

-

I was woken up by silent fumbling next to me and an elbow to my biceps. Niall, of course. 

"Sorry." he whispered, "Go back to sleep, go back to sleep..." he patted my arm. 

I looked around. Still pretty dark outside. Good, I have a lot of time to sleep left then. The little monitor above our heads showed a tiny plane rapidly approaching the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. 9:05 am GMT. Yes, I have sooo much time for sleeping left. 

Niall continued his silent fumbling, now cursing under his breath. Oh. He had the familiar little green box in his hand, holding up his shirt under his chin. 

"Let me do it." I demanded.

And so I treated his bruise again. It honestly made me flinch, the terrible purple contours running through the now dark blue blotch. But I guess that was the moment that established this routine of me gladly taking 5-10 minutes of my time three times a day to make sure my little leprechaun's trauma heals properly. 

I went back to sleep afterwards, we all did. I didn't wake up till the pilot informed us that we will be experiencing minor turbulence, and that was at 11:45. The little plane on the monitor was very close to the little green island. A feeling of great happiness took over me. Finally home.

I'm coming home, I'm coming home, please don't tell the world that I'm coming home, I don't wanna get mobbed. 

After getting off the plane, we made a short trip to the supermarket before going home, against Harry's protests. We bought quite a lot of things to refill the fridge, the lady at the cash desk seemed pleased.

Unlocking the front door and inhaling the slightly stuffy air is one of the best experiences ever, I swear. I kicked off my shoes first on the little rug we had for that purpose. I went up the small flight of stairs leading to the `parlor' and tried to figure out how many times I'd have to go up and down between the first and the second floor to get all my suitcases up. 

"Honey, I'm hoome!" called Louis while carefully placing his shoes on the rug, and when no one answered him, pouted, "Harry! You were supposed to run upstairs and pretend you had gotten home before me, so you can come down and give me a welcoming hug!"

We spent the afternoon laying around the house in various positions and places, doing absolutely nothing but watch TV, flip through magazines and occasionally doze off. I enjoyed having Niall to myself again, the encounter with Tony did get me quite jealous, I admit. We had pizza for dinner and then dragged ourselves to our respective apartments to finally get some real, satisfactory sleep in our own beds. Well, I'm fairly certain some of us shared a bed, but that's different story for a different day. 

I decided to do a little surfing online before going to sleep, I hadn't gotten my hands on a computer for a few days. I tweeted a few meaningless sentences, and then a couple about the `tour' and the accident the other day. I didn't fail to mention Niall, of course, wishing him to get well quick and assuring fans he isn't hurt badly. 
I did go on Tumblr too. I explored different tags and laughed a lot - there were so many amusing edits and photos from different angles of all the crazy moments we had. There were a few bad quality images of what happened at the club too. Thankfully, my face wasn't looking too pycho. Cause that's how I feel about those few moments, I feel like I had completely freaked out. Two or three photos of me getting handcuffed, then standing with Zayn next to the police car. Another two or three of us getting pushed towards the police station. I typed in `Niam'. 

Aaahhh. Now that's what I'm talking about. The handkerchief moment melted the Niam shippers' little hearts and my sneaky glances at Niall dring WMYB didn't elude them either. It really warmed my soul too, I could dream the way they dreamed. And I would always have my best friend. So many beautifully edited pictures of us two on stage, sitting next to each other at the signings or for interviews, snippets of our little moments from the sneak peak of the upcoming video. The most frequently edited one was apparently the one Zayn took last night at the airport. It was really, really good picture though. My boy peacefully reading his book with an adorable expression of concentration, my hand comfortably on his chest, right next to his heart, me looking down at him with a dreamy smile (I'm such a little poser though)...Yeah. Made my...Liam? Niam? heart melt too...

And now, the time has come. Now we find out if I'm realy bisexual. I tried looking up `gay porn' on Tumblr. Some pretty...well, ineteresting things came up. There were a lot of pictures of big, muscled men and I found that a turn off, but then there were some gorgeous boys closer to my age and with not as strongly defined bodies.

I can swear that my dick literally jumped in my boxers when the picture of this amazing black haired guy came up. His skin was slightly dark for my taste, he had dark eyes that looked right into your soul, and mischief was written all over his masculine face, powered by a daring smile. I would suppose he was in his early twenties. He had a slim body, kind of swimmer's build, and an absolutely great speciment between his legs. How did I know it was so great? I can't really tell you...I just liked it. I liked the curve, the length, the hairless ballsack and the pink crown...Guess who that kid reminded me of. 

So I guess I am bisexual. If we're judging by the hardness of my dick and the amount of time it took me to reach climax while watching a simple video, I mean. I'm absolutely fine with blowjobs. Both receiving and giving. I haven't really seen Niall naked and hard, but I'd definitely suck his dick. And then, fucking...I don't know about that. Not that I didn't know how gay sex works, but seeing it on video...I'm afraid it might for hurt the receiving part. I know it will hurt for the receiving part, but...I don't know. 

Orgasming is really tiring. I had a great, a fantastic sleep! I woke up absolutely rested and in a great mood, I climbed out of bed to let a little air in and then snuggled back under the covers. I had missed my bedroom with its peach walls and neatly organized walk in closet. My bed - big enough for me and all my fluffy pillows (there's plenty of space for Niall too, if he wants to cuddle), faces a medium sized flat screen TV. It's kind of perfect, I really love the way it is. I don't wanna put up too much posters or anything. I think I might buy a good painting or something to hang over my bed though. And a mirror too, on the ceiling or at least a big one for the wall to the right. If I ever bring someone here for sexy times, I would really like to be able to see everything from different angles. 

I got the idea for the mirrors from Danielle, by the way. Back when we were dating, we'd have a good time in her bedroom every now and then, and I always appreciated that mirror she had opposite her bed. 

I savored the feel of the sheets on my skin for about 15 minutes and then finally crawled out and into the bathroom. I took a leak, basically did my morning routine, greeted my chest hair (really proud of these guys) and then headed for the `common room'. My apartment is on the second floor, opposite Niall's. There's a small hall in between our apartments which the stairs lead to and then, on both sides of the staircase, there are two short narrow corridors leading out into the common room, or the living room, or the game room and the kitchen to it, if you wish. 

I found Zayn sprawled on the couch watching TV while Lou was fumbling around behing the kitchen counter. 

"Good morning." I greeted, going straight to Louis.

"Mornin' " Zayn muttered and scratched at his chest. 

"Good morning to you too." smiled Louis.

"Watcha doin?"

"Stirring up batter mix for pancakes." he stated proudly, and I finally noticed the colorful apron covering his naked chest.

"Oh."

I quickly gravitated to the couch and climbed next to Zayn, boldly eyeing his protruding bulge. 

"Harry still sleeping?" I asked Lou.

"Yeah. He was quite tired last night." I knew it, I knew it! 

A few moments later a sleepy and very confused Niall came in rubbing his face. 

"Good morning you!" Louis greeted him rather loudly.

We mumbled our good mornings too. My eyes slid down from his sexy morning hair. He was wearing his sleeping pants, but had a shirt on too. Ah. The bruise. 

"Ugh, it's so fucking great being home, I had an amazing sleep..." my sweet blonde said in his thick accent.

"I know, right, I kissed my bed last night." Zayn laughed.

"Yeah, exactly, I rolled around in the sheets for half an hour just for the sake of the smell and feel of home!" Niall said.

"Did you...?" I nodded towards his stomach. 

"Not really, I forgot."

"Let's go."

We went to his apartment to do our business. A warm feeling spread through my chest when I saw the little stuffed leprechaun grinning from his night stand. Back in the living room I watched reruns of Jersey Shore with Zayn and a naked Harry while Niall and Louis flipped around pancakes. We had a splendid breakfast and the ones responsible for it received great kisses on the cheek for it. 

I suddenly got into a foul mood though. Niall was being his usual funny and goofy self, but no different in his attitude towards me than towards the guys. He spent quite a bit of time talking to Louis, planning to cook up a big dinner for us tomorrow. I was unreasonably jealous, of course. And then he went out shopping with him and Harry. Fuck my life. 

I pulled on a light summer jacket and went into the living room to grab a cookie before leaving.

"Going out?" Zayn asked ffrom the couch. 

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"I'm just gonna go for a walk."

He appeared to be studying my face while I finished off the cookie.

"Want me to come?"

"It's fine. You have plans?"

"Yeah, I'm meeting a friend later."

"Have a good time." I smiled and left. 

There is this small park a few streets from out house, nothing too big, a bit of grass, pretty flowers, a few alleys and trees all around. The weather was just perfect that day, not too hot, but not cold either. The temperatures were probably in the mid twenties with a slight breeze and the almost complete lack of clouds made it mor than pleasant to sit out in the sun. 

I walked there, doing my best to ignore the few curious stares I got. To be honest, my mood did brighten up a little. It was a beautiful day, really. I was wearing shorts so my legs were able to enjoy the unusual freshness of the air too. At the park I found a nice bench in the sun, a few benches over from two of old ladies quietly talking to each other. 

The flowers were gorgeous. Masterfully arranged, they drew a colorful circle - blue, purple, yellow and pink...I marveled how something so simple can be so breath taking. I thought about how there is one or two people that come here and take care of them, and how amazing their job is. 

There was a certain clearness to the air, everything seemed much more...vivid. As if all the pollution had been washed away. It filled me with some sort of contained excitement, soft happiness. A hope that things aren't that bad after all. 

Two dogs that seemed to be no one's pets were lying in the middle of the grass field. As far as I could see, they were not asleep, just looking about. A man on a bicycle passed down the alley on the other side of the field and the black dog chased after him for a few meters, barking but keeping it's tail high up. It spotted a seemingly random car and ran after it too, the other dog joining him now. 

"No! Don't go out on the street, you'll get your other leg fractured too...Come back here, come on..." someone called from the bench next to mine.

It was an old man with a short white beard and unkept white hair. He wore an old dark green hat and a long beige threadbare coat. He noticed me looking at him and smiled. 

"They're really smart though." he nodded, "They know...they can recognize hobos, you know, they chase after them only." 

I smiled in return and went on observing the dogs. They chased after a few more random cars and then returned to the field. The orange one didn't lie down. It spotted another dog, a much bigger one and barked at it.

"Hey, come on now, don't, don't do that, he's your friend..." called the old man again and smiled at me. 

The orange dog seemed to have heard him and backed away, but the bigger one which didn't appear to be homeless, approached it. It seemed quite friendly. The two engaged in sniffling and chasing and were joined briefly by the black dog. 

"They're really clever, you know..." repeated the old man, smiled and nodded.

"You out for a walk? It's a great day..." I smiled.

"Yes, yes...just...walking around..." he didn't seem as friendly and eager to talk in his reply as most old people do, so I decided not to pursue a conversation. 

A thin thread of sky blue sadness and longing breached the perfectly bright veil that had fallen over my world for a bit. I wanted to share this moment with someone, someone special. I wanted to feel that bridge of understanding, of mutual happiness and content. A mop of the softest blond hair and eyes of the most dazzling blue came to mind. 

I sighed.

The old man in the threadbare coat slowly walked away. I did not make an atempt at saying goodbye. 

I closed my eyes instead. I tried escaping from the unpleasant thoughts, but found myself sinking deeper into the cold and damp substance of my loneliness. I opened my eyes and looked around. 

It is kind of stupid though. Why would I be lonely. If we ignore the whole deal with Niall, eveything else is so awesome. I am Liam Payne, 1/5 of One Direction. 1/5 of a band of five best friends, five brothers, five people that fir together perfectly inspite of how different they all are. I am probably bisexual. I can very easily find a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but will this girl or boy be really what I'm looking for. 

And here I am, trying to put forward things that could hide my pain. 

I closed my eyes again and let the sun softly stroke it. I tried clearing my mind off everything, I tried just enjoying the moment. Surprisingly, it worked. I might have even dozed off, in the warm air among cheerful birds and greenery. 

I felt a presence, someone sitting down on the bench next to me. My eyes snapped open, ready to stare the intruder down. I melted in surprise, instead. Niall, my little leprechaun, my stunning blond Irishman...

He smiled timidly, as if he wasn't sure how I'd react, and indescribable joy filled my being, the world was suddenly so much brighter. 

"Hi." I breathed.

"Hey." he said simply. 

I tried a smile and it came out much bigger, warmer and sincere looking than I'd hoped. He smiled back and then looked down.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, praying not to have sounded angry.

"I...Zayn told me you went out for a walk. I thought I might join you, but then I couldn't reach you on the phone, so I just walked about for a bit before spotting you here. Is it okay..? Cause if you wanted to be alone..." he smiled apologetically. 

"No, no. Of course it's okay." I nodded my head, "I was just surprised that's all."

We sat in comfortable silence. The two dogs were rolling around in the grass and Niall noticed them too. He was smiling, and I smiled with him, warmth blossoming in my chest. There, there it is, the little bridge. How wonderful. 

He retrieved a bag from his side. 

"I brought your book, and cokes" he placed two books and two Coke cans on the bench between us and folded he bag, "I thought you might want to enjoy the afternoon..."

I smiled happily. I allowed myself to pull him into a tight hug, feel the softness of his hoodie, breathe the fantastic scent of his hair. 

We didn't pick up our books immediately. For a few minutes we just sat, enjoying the beautiful afternoon and sipping our drinks. 

"Is there something I need to-" he started and quickly corrected himself, "Is there something you might want to...tell me?" he did not look at me. 

Shit. Maybe I should...

"Not really. I tell you everything. Why?" I said, keeping my voice from faltering. 

"Just asking." I got the feeling that a lot was left unspoken.

He smiled at me and I smiled back. I grabbed my book.

"It's really...beautiful...don't you think?" he said. 

And I realized that every little moment mattered. Every snowflake counts. It made sense, in a soothing way.