Author's Note:

One Direction are a British boy band who was formed a year ago on the X Factor. They finished third. The band's members are Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson. This is a fanfiction and I suggest you try finding out more about the guys if you don't know who they are, before reading this. Also, this is a fictional story that does not intend to say anything about the characters' sexuality and private lives in reality. Please keep in mind that English is not my first language. I wish to keep all rights on this story. If you want to reproduce any part of it, you must contact me for permission. Please, do understand that I put a lot of effort in this. For any comments and suggestions:


Thank you!




Is it strange that the whole time I was with my stunning boy in that beautiful park, on that wonderful day I had the tune of Lovebug playing in my head? 

It felt amazing just being able to sit there and read quietly. At several times I was absolutely engulfed by the adventures of the boy with the scar on the forehead, and when I'd lift my gaze, I'd get this amazing feeling of peace, seeing Niall next to me and suddenly becoming aware of the warm sunrays stroking my face. I enjoy being by myself, but I love it when I'm with the fuys and we're doing something quiet too. Of course though, nothing can be compared to a few moments with Niall.

All his emotions show up on his face when reading because he gets so focused on the text. It's really amusing to watch him, he'd be cutely confused, he'd a smile happily or make a disappointed grimace. A few times I thought I could see him looking at me from the corner of my eye, but every time I looked at him he'd appear to be deep in his book. 

Hopeless, head over heels in the moment...

It did feel like a lot was left unsaid though, especially on my side. My heart was desperately trying to convince me Niall looked a little bothered too, like something is troubling him too. I ignored it. I couldn't fight the deep, heavy and dully painful longing to move closer to him, to interlock my fingers with his, to bury my face in his neck, to feel his arms protectively around me. It hung on my heart like a spider upside down, threads of the sticky web creeping up and up to cloud my mind. 

Maybe I should have told him. Maybe I should tell him.

Maybe when he sayd no, the feelings will finally go away.

Maybe it will turn out that he magically loves me too. 

Maybe he will freak out.

Maybe he will never look at me again.

"What's the time?"

Niall checked his watch.

"A little after 3. Do you wanna head back?"

I considered his question. I looked around, then back at him. 

"It's great out here." I smiled, "How about we stay for a bit longer and then head back for a nap?"

"You going out tonight?"

"Yeah, Karen called the other day, there's a party at her house tonight. I'm still kind of tired, but I thought I'd go, many people from back home will be there." I explained, feeling a little guilty, "You?"

"I think Zayn wanted to go catch a movie. That new one, with Brad Pitt and uhh..Logan Lerman was it? I think it was him. But we'll go tomorrow if you wanted to see it too." he said, and I watched the way his lips moved when he spoke, the way every hair on to of his head seemed sexily out of place, the way he involuntarily raised his eybrows at the end of his sentence.

"Mm, I did want to see that.."

"Alright then, we'll all go tomorrow." he concluded.

"Aren't Louis and Harry gonna be home?"

"I think they're going on a double date. Or something."

I rested my book on the bench and leaned back. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. My mind drifted to a beautiful land where my leprechaun was in my arms. Where I had the freedom to caress his enchanting face all I want. 


You can't imagine how weird and creepy it is going to a normal party when you're famous. Don't kill me for saying I'm famous, I'm just being truthful. And it's kind of sad too. 

But Karen had made sure people at the party acted as if I'm just another random lad, at least the ones I didn't know personally. They didn't do a very good job at it, eyeing me curiously, some with a creepy malevolent jealousy, other with a flattering awe. I did my best to ignore them though, to act naturally and have fun. 

There weren't too many people there yet when I arrived. No one I knew, that is. I talked to Karen for a while. She's a great gal, really, one of my closest friends from way before my ambitions for the X Factor. She's very forward and funny too, and she never showed any signs that me being in 1D and all has changed the way she sees me or anything. We talked for a bit, but then more people arrived and she had to take care of a lot of things.

I grabbed myself a soda and settled in a comfy chair in the living room. It wasn't going to be long before the room got crowded and music started blasting, so I enjoyed the peace for now, hoping people from back home would come in soon, wondering what my boy and Zayn were doing at the moment.

Friends from back home did come, definitely. So many of them, I had to extract myself from the group to find a new quiet place. Oh, I enjoyed seeing them all again, of course! We talked for quite a long time, had a good laugh, they even got me to dance. But the music was a little lloud, you know. 

I went into the dining room and found yet another comfy chair. The music from the living room was a loud dull boom. There were a few people talking around the room and a couple making out in the far corner, behind the counter. I checked the time. They were a little early, hook up time didn't usually start before 11, but meh. 

I fished out my phone, contemplating texting Niall. I was just punching in the last letters when someone sat in the chair opposite mine. I looked up to see a cute boy with short shaggy black hair and sparkling green eyes smiling a little nervously. I didn't recognize him, so he probably wanted me to sign something for him, but I smiled back. 

"You're Liam from One Direction, right?" he asked, trying to smile more confidently. 

"Yeah, sure am." I smiled back.

"I'm Dave." he extended his hand for a hdandshake and I took note of how soft and gentle it was.

"Nice to meet you." 

"I first thought was to run up to you and shove a bunch of napkins in your face for you to sign, but...I decided it won't be too appropriate."

I laughed sincerely. So he's not as shy as he seems to be.

"That's alright." I took a napkin from the scattered pile on the table and took out the marker I always carry in my jacket (I'm so considerate, right?), "Here."

I handed him the napkin and watched as a gentle smile spread on his face. His eyes seemed to light up even more. I couldn't help but smile myself. 

"Aw, you wrote `love, Liam'!" he said. "Thank you so much, I really didn't want to bother you with this."

"No, no, my pleasure." I said just as my phone vibrated in my pocket, "We don't have that many guy fans, I always feel honored when I get to meet one."

"Yeah, well, I've liked you guys ever since the X Factor. I like your music and you seem to have great personalities too." he replied with a cute shrug.

I smiled warmly again. What a nice kid. And he was very cute too. Adorable dimples formed in the corners of his mouth when he smiled, and he smiled a lot. He had this very lively air about him. I could easily see myself being drawn to him. But then I looked down at my phone, to see the short text from Niall about how he and Zayn ahd just had a food fight. And his smiling face was right there, next to the message. 

I ignored the acidic guilt bubbling in the pit of my stomach.

"So you guys were in the US these past two months or so?" Dave asked while pushing a few black locks to the side. 

I need to move on, okay?

"Yeah, we just go back the other day." I said, putting my phone away, "Or was it yesterday? Not sure. We had a great time filming the video for "A Rose" and then with the shows..."

This could be my chance. 

We went on talking about the little tour we did. Dave seemed genuinely interested. He asked many questions about...pretty much eveything we'd done, and I found myself enjoying answering them and talking about our experiences. We still hadn't done any interviews, so I hadn't told the story 136 times already. 

Dave was great company. There was something a little off in his gestures though. I couldn't quite put my fingure on it. But it was a bit annoying. We talked a lot though. We even ended up going out on the back porch when the house started shaking from some crazy house music in the living room. We sat on the swing and talked and talked. The conversation flowed smoothly, jumping from topic to topic. 

I learned a lot about him, about how he plays the violin and about his dreams to become an actor. It was very pleasant escape from all the thoughts and feelings that had been bothering in the past few...weeks? A very refreshing experience indeed. 

I went in to get a couple of sodas. I tossed around in my mind the question that had been on the tip of my tongue the whole time. It could be a great opportunity, you know. 

I handed him his drink, getting a flashback of the day at the airport when Zayn handed me my food. I smiled to cover up my anxiety. My drink laid unopened, jumping between my hands. I looked up to find Dave smiling faintly.

"Are you...?" I waved my hand. An unfamiliar, cold feeling spread over me. Scared, uncomfortable butterflies attacked the walls of my stomach. 

He smiled his pretty smile. He knew what I mean. He looked down shyly.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I am. Gay, I mean, that's what we're talking about, right?"

"Yeah. That's what we're talking about." I smiled, a little more at ease.

"And you?" he asked. 

"A bit. Only half way." I showed him just how much with my fingers and he let out a gentle laugh. 

Soft pause. 

"You're not out." maybe it was a question, but to me it sounded as more of a statement.

"Are you?"

"Yeah." he smiled with pride. I nodded.

"How is it?"

"It's okay, It's not easy,'s getting better." he nodded too. 

And then it just happened. I was smiling at him and then my gaze suddenly fell to his lips and it just happened. I closed my eyes, leaned in, my lips met his in a soft and short kiss. I don't know if I should be ashamed or happy about this, but the image of a blonde god flashed before my closed eyes at that moment. 

It was simple. It was gentle and good. I kissed a boy. I think I liked it. We parted. He was smiling and blushing like crazy, and I forced myself to feel a little flutter here, in my chest, too. 

I pulled out of my parking spot and headed home, making sure the black Audi of the security was behind me. I had Dave's number and there was a little excitement in me. I could make this work. 

No, don't even ask, the feeling of guilt didn't leave the whole night or the next day. Especially the next day. Seriously, it was eating me from the inside. I felt like I had betrayed Niall when he had been nothing but an amazing friend and subject of my love. 

But I was angry at the same time too.  I have every right to do whatever U choose to - and here I want to get rid of this huge crush, move on, be happy with someone. Yes, I would love for this someone to be Niall, but Niall is, above all, my best friend (for a second here I was going to say boyfriend...). I don't want to lose that. I will do everything to keep that. And I have the right to be happy too, don't I?

I can make this work.

We went shopping for food that day because Louis and my sweet blonde were going to cook us up a great meal for dinner. We wend to this huge store a little outside of the city. Niall enjoyed cruising the aisles, throwing everything in sight in the cart. He had a difficulties doing that though, since it was Saturday and there were a lot of people. We filled two shopping carts with burgers, steak, other meat products, fruit and vegetables, all sorts of youghurt, cheese, cereal, and a great deal of desserts and other products we thought might be handy one day. It wasn't before we transferred all the bags in the cars that it hit us we need other things like toothpaste, soap, toilet paper even perhaps. 

Okay, here's the deal with our..apartment building. We don't really have much of a yard, in the front or in the back. But half the roof forms this kind of big patio. We got a few lounge chairs there, a garden tent with a big table, and other stuff like the barbecue, Zayn's tricycle that Louis bought for him from a fair in Nebraska, a few footballs, random shit like that. 

So we spent the afternoon there, while Niall and Louis prepared dinner. I played cards with Zayn, and Harry decided he was really inspired by a colorful bird he'd seen earlier that day, so he'd write a song about it. I texted Dave too, to let him know I'm still interested. We agreed to meet up next week.

"Liam!" Louis poked his head through the glass door a while later, "Niall said he wants you to help him with the bread or something. Zayn! You come help me prepare the meat."

"I thought you were gonna be the chefs tonight, why do we have to help?" threw Zayn back as Louis was closing the door. 

Lou stepped out and out his hands demonstratively on his hips. 

"Do you want to eat?" 

Zayn smiled to himself. 

"We gonna finish up later, right?" I asked getting up. 

"Why, it's quite obvious I'm owning you pretty bad." he said with a straight face and I shoved him with my shoulder. 

He laughed sexily and started for the door, but Louis came out for the third time.

"Is Harold sleeping?" he asked, pointing to the motionless Harry, sprawled in his lounge chair. 

"I think so." 

Louis walked over to the table and grabbed Zayn's glass of water. He circled Harry's chair and threw the glass in his face. Harry simply opened his eyes and stared at him calmly, but sternly while Zayn laughed in his retarded but crazy hot way. 

I was absolutely honored to help my not so confused love out. He followed the recipes closely, but at the same time shared Louis' carefree mood and moved around the kitchen with grace. Me and Zayn watched amusedly as they both sang loudly to the music from the TV, danced clumsily in their colorful aprons. I couldn't stop thinking `Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou..." .Oh, yeah, the aprons. I honestly don't have words to say how adorable they both looked in those! If I marry Niall one day, I swear I'm gonna have him walk around the house in just boxers and that apron all the time. 

What a lovely feast we had! Me and Zayn set the table (I joked him about what a good wifey he'd make), Harry went on with his nap and Louis and Niall threw everything on the barbecue. I almost passed out when everything was served, and I could see Niall was feeling quite dizzy too. Two huge plates, with the food masterfully arranged on them - the steaks in one corner, looking all juicy, corn in different sizes, grilled peppers with a touch of olive oil and a pile of toast. In a separate plate a dozen potatoes wrapped in aluminium foiled were steaming, now open and ready to be devoured. 

"Dinner's ready!" called Louis and waved a tiny bell. 

"Getting a taste of America." Niall said, his voice filled with awe. 

Harry finally decided to join us. 

"You. people. are going. to kill me one day." he rubbed his eyes.

"It's all too fascinating not to stare, but we better sit down." Zayn said.

"Savor every bite, lads." instructed us Louis before reaching for the salad.

"Where'd you get the ideas, the recipes?" I asked.

"Oh, Niall got them from that fellow in Malibu, the one that drived us around." he replied.

I smiled proudly at my boy. He was just sitting there, carefully cutting his food, his hair a mess, his loose fitting shirt open almost halfway. How can anyone be this beautiful?

Suddenly I remembered Dave. Oh damn. But I want Niall. And I also need to move on. A decision formed in my mind, a decision driven by anger, disappointment, hurt and love. 

I tried relaxing as much as possible. I enjoyed the iced tea Zayn had prepared under Louis' guidance. 

"Guys." I took a deep breath, "I got something to tell you. Nothing too big, but I thought I'd share, you need to know."

A chill ran down my spine. On my left Zayn smirked, Harry and Niall eyed me curiously and Louis gave me a reassuring nod. 

"I uh...well, I'm...I recently figured out that I am...bisexual." this time it came out good. I felt good about saying it, a seed of pride had been planted. 

Zayn went on smirkinng, Niall nodded with a big smile in my direction, Louis stared at me for a second and then made a face as if to say "Fair enough" and smiled. And Harry thought I didn't notice when he threw Lou a quick glance. 

Louis was the first to break the silence.

"I'm glad you decided to tell us, it's good to know these things." he said, pushing his hair up, "How did you figure it out?"

Harry kept throwing him sneaky glances.

"Well uh...there was someone. And that was like, triggering,. And last night at the party I kind of...met someone too. I think things may just work out." I said, smiling a little. 

My main concern with saying this was Niall, of course. I tried not to stare at him too obviously, but it did seem to me that he froze a little before putting on an interested face. I dismissed it. 

"Aww! What's his name?" Harry chimed in. 

"His name is Dave. He's nice." I smiled.

"Pass me the bread." Zayn elbowed me lightly. 

It went well. Very well. I was happy, the boys accepted everything as if I had told them I was getting a piercing. Niall did seem a little distracted though. I tried talking to him, I asked him about the food, praised him on his choice of ice cream. He replied, smiled, but there was something there, he wasn't his usual talkative and happy self and guilt and shame swarmed over me again. There was taht part of me that immediately assumed he must have feelings for me and is feeling jealous and rejected now, but the more rational part concluded that he must be feeling a little hurt I didn't tell him first. 


The evening was spent lounging around, as usual. At 10 we gathered in front of the TV to watch The Day After Tomorrow. We were all off to our apartments by 1 am. 

I remember dreaming something about playing a computer game about plants and pizzerias. There was something really bad about that game, it was causing physical discomfort even. I slowly emerged from the dream, waking up very confused and disoriented. Then I realized I had a bad stomach ache.

Shit. I hate having these. I can take other kinds of pain, but not this. I turned around, puleld my knees up to my chest in hopes it would go away. Perhaps I had eaten too much. Perhaps it was that butter Niall had prepared and put on the bread and the corn. 

I dozed off for a while, but I awoke to stronger pulsations low in my stomach. I sat up. I carefully dragged myself to the toilet. No use. I tried breathing deeply, even shoving a finger down my throat in hopes to vomit, but that didn't work. It hurt even more when standing, so I sat on the toilet, doubled up. The dull ache kept echoing off the walls of my insides. Sharp pain is better than this, I swear. 

I could have give anything at that moment to be able to stop that pain. You have no idea how terrible it was, as if a little gremlin was hitting me with his hammer from the inside. I stood up, lifted the lid and forced my finger in my mouth again. A waterfall of burning liquid spewed out, but I was relieved to see it. I cleaned myself and went back to bed.

I must have dozed off again, but I woke up again after what seemed to be a very short time. The ache was back, throbing and beating on my nerves. I got up shakily. I checked my medicine cabinet, I must have some pills for this. Please. 

Nope. Just my luck.

I sat back on my bed and turned on the lamp on the night stand. 

4:53 AM.

I hate bothering the guys with these things. They always worry so much whenever someone gets sick or something. Oh damn it. 

I feebly walked to my front door and crossed the corridor to Niall's apartment. I quietly walked to his bedroom, hunched, one hand on my abs as if holding my intestines from falling out. I opened the door to his bedroom and turned on the light so as not to startle him. He was just a mop of blond hair under the covers.

"Niall." it came out as a terrible weak croak, "Niall, wake up."

He turned to me with the sleepiest of expressions, but his eyes quickly cleared out when he saw my state. I must've looked quite awful.

"Do you have some painkillers or something? Something for stomach aches?" I whispered.

He jumped out of his bed and came to me. He guided me to sit on his bed and went into his bathroom. I held my head, praying for the terror to end, but the gremlin inside was ruthless. He came out with a bunch of paper boxes in his hands.

"Here," he handed me a big yellow pill and the glass of water that was on his nightstand, "I thik this should do. What happened? Did you puke?"

I swallowed the pill with difficulty and handed him the glass. His warm hand was on my back, his face full of concern close to mine. I couldn't even enjoy the moment. 

"Yeah. I did, it helped for a bit, but then the pain started again." 

We sat in silence for a bit. I counted the seconds, hoping the medicine would work faster. Niall studied my face. 

"Lie down, I'll cover you. Let's try to sleep, the pill should work soon." he said and gently helped me get my boxers clad body under his blankets. I pulled my knes to my chest again. He lied down on the other side, his hand reassuringly stroked my biceps. 

Several minutes passed. I dozed off again, but woke up I felt a movement. Niall came in front of me. He was just in his boxers too, but I didn't have the strength to appreciate his beauty. He kneeled, his face showing incredible concern. Pain burned low in my stomach.

"How're you doing?" he tried smiling.

`I don't think it's qorking." I really didn't want to be a cry baby, but shit it hurt. "Aaahhh! It just got worse, oh fuck..." 

Niall bit his lip as my face contorted in pain and I held tighter to my belly. 

"I'm gonna go get Louis, okay? I"ll be right back, don't move."

"No, no, stay here. Don't bother him too, I'll probably have to vomit again and it'll be okay."

He hesitated.

"Do you think it's the food or something? I haven't felt anything."

"I don't know." I hissed and shut my eyes tightly. 

"I'm going for Louis, you stay here."

"No, I'm going for a walk in the park..."

Louis came shortly. He was much calmer than Niall, even professional. 

"When did it start?" he asked, kneeling next to the bed.

"How the fuck should I know..." I said to his chest. 

"And the medicine didn't work?"

"No," Niall answered for me "it even got worse."

"Can you lay on you back? Show me where exactly the pain is." 

I straightened my legs, my head swimming, cold sweat trickling down my neck. Colder fire ate at my stomach. I tried showing Louis where exactly the pain was, but it seemed to move around. He chewed on his lip just like Niall was doing. 

"Let me check something." he pushed my hands away.

"Do you have something in mind?" Niall asked hopefully. 

Louis didn't answer. He pushed the waistband of my boxers down. He put his warm hands low on my pelvis, on the right, almost touching my pubes. He felt around, and I closed my eyes. He did sever sharp jabs, pushing down abrubtly and releasing in the same manner. 

"You feeling pain when I do that? I mean, is it getting worse?" he asked.

"Please, not so loud." I rolled my head on the pillow, not caring about sounding weak anymore. "Yes, it's getting much worse when you do that."

He did it on the left side too, but I didn't feel anything.

"What is it?"

My boy asked shakily, and a tiny smile tugged on my lips seeing him so concerned. How I wanted for the pain to go away and for me to cuddle with him in this incredibly comfy bed!

"I think it's appendicitis." he said quietly and relief flooded my chest.

"What's that? Is it serious?" Niall asked, not hiding his panic.

"No, no. It's okay. Go call an ambulance." Louis said and put his hand on my arm.

"Call an ambulance?! What the fuck, I thought-"

"Niall, it's okay. I just have to get surgery. I'll be fine. It's nothing too serious. Go call an ambulance." I said hoarsely and my words seemed to have a bigger impact on him. He left the room to look for his phone.

"You're not scared, are you? Don't be."

"I'm not, don't worry." I said as convincingly as possible.

And I really wasn't scared. I just wanted for the gnawing ache to go away. 

"I'll go get you some clothes."

A moment or a minute or five minutes later Niall came back with Zayn and Harry, both looking worried and perplexed. Louis barged in. He helped me sit up on the side of the bed and started sliding my legs into a pair of jeans. 

"Come on, someone help him get his shirt on." he said calmly. "Did you call for an ambulance?"

"Yes, yes, of course." said Niall and bumped into Harry as they both tried helpung me with my shirt. 

"Stand up now, careful." Louis held me as I shakily stood up, afraid that the pain was gonna rip me apart the moment I straightened up.

I tried buttoning my pants, but fresh waves of the dull burning ache flowed through my belly and quickly blurred my vision. I doubled in pain with a sharp yelp.

Several pair of hands reached out. I closed my eyes and succumbed to a peaceful darkness.