Date: Sun, 24 Feb 2002 18:34:49 EST
From: WatchitcrumbIe@aol.com
Subject: Linkin Park Love - 5

You know the drill. I don't personally know any of the members of Linkin
Park, and what occurs in this story is to have no bearing on the actual
sexuality of them.

And, you should be 18 to read this. How many of you actually are, I can
only wonder.

Enjoy,
-Nick.
______________________________

I'm unclean, a libertine
And every time you vent your spleen
I seem to lose the power of speech
You're slipping slowly from my reach
You grow me like an evergreen
You've never seen the lonely me at all
______________________________

It wasn't very long before there came a rather loud knock at the door;
mercifully so, actually. It was enough to jerk Chester awake, and although
I already missed that little bit of closeness we had shared only a moment
earlier, I knew that it was for the best that nobody saw Chester like that,
with my arm wrapped loosely about him and his head on my shoulder.
However innocent it was, because everyone knew that Chester was
strictly heterosexual, people most likely would have been led to wonder. A
sideways look from Chester was all I saw, as I heard the knocking at the
door again, followed by a voice.

"Scott, ya' in there?" It was Mike, I realized.

"Yea, c'mon in," I bid him entrance, though for some reason I felt like
something of a fool.

"Hey. Have you seen Chest-"Then he spotted Chester sitting up against
the wall with knees half-drawn into his chest, and then continued
speaking ".Oh. Never mind. Chester, I need to talk to you. Come out when
you're ready," And then he stepped out of the room, closing the door
behind him. I was pretty sure I knew what Mike wanted to talk to Chester
about. I found part of myself feeling bad for Chester, because he'd have to
explain the situation again, and he'd most likely blame himself. But then
again, I could have been wrong. Mike may have wanted Chester for
something else. Either way, Chester simply nodded grimly to me and
slipped out of the room, leaving me to myself once again. Solitude wasn't
nearly as confining as one would think; I usually seemed to find myself
much more comfortable by myself than with people. But I supposed a lot of
that was due to the self-isolation I had subjected myself to during my high
school years. I looked about the room quickly and sighed heavily to myself,
rising to my feet and half-heartedly making my way to the door and leaving
the room myself. I was half-tempted to leave, but I figured I'd stick around
a bit longer to more properly say goodbye to Chester. As far as the rest of
the guys went, I wasn't overly concerned. I hadn't really spoken to any of
them anyways. So, I sat myself once again on the floor, directly next to
the door I had just come out of. There was practically nobody around, so I
everyone was off together, somewhere. I found myself half-dozing in the
time I spent by myself, right then. I'd long since let my eyes fall shut, and I
gradually lost track of time. But I do remember that after what seemed to
be about twenty minutes, I heard Chester's voice - It wasn't too far away,
either.

"Hey." he said. He still sounded pretty upset, but nowhere near as bad
as before. He was just very. Soft spoken. I looked up, but said nothing
yet. For a moment I was startled. Again, I didn't expect Chester to so
readily talk to me. But there he was, only a few feet away, looking down
at me with those dark, sad eyes of his. That instance in time where I said
nothing was very brief, for before look I offered him a little half-smile and a
nod, responding with a "Hey" of my own. It was just as soft as his,
though. For reasons other than that of his. I was on the verge of falling
asleep before he'd approached. Chester once again sank down against
the wall in a fashion very similar to how I did. Pulling his knees half-up to
his chest, and resting his arms upon them.

"We're supposed to be leavin' pretty soon. The guys are all headed out,
but I'm goin' back to the hotel," Chester said, staring at the floor below as
he did. I could understand why he'd tell me they would be leaving, but why
tell me where he was going afterwards?  My question would soon be
answered as he continued, "And I was wonderin' if ya'd want to come
back with me and chill for a bit?" He turned his head to look up at me, brow
furrowed almost pleadingly. Even if I didn't want to go, it would have been
almost impossible to say no to him. I was unable to fathom why he'd want
me there now, when he'd wife had just left him. And why Mike or one of
the other guys wasn't staying with him. Then again, they may have
offered but Chester declined. So that same question plagued me; Why me?
I could do nothing but wonder, but I nodded my head and responded
timidly.

"Sure," I said. Chester only smiled and stood up.

"Well, let's get going, then. We'll all have to take the bus to the hotel, and
the guys'll get cabs to wherever they're headed from there." Chester said.
As he was doing so, I myself had stood up and was stretching my arms
out up above my head. Back arching and the whole deal. I felt it crack a
few times, harmlessly. I had to admit it felt good, though I'd probably be
one of the first people to be disgusted if someone else did it. I guess that's
why we have double standards. So Chester set off ahead of me, and I
followed suit; with hands stuffed into my pockets and gaze downcast, it
was the manner I'd carried myself in for years. People had often
commented on in; mainly my family, though, telling me to "Look proud". I
found it almost amusing at the time. They still hadn't been informed of my
homosexuality when they'd begun to tell me that. But then again, I guess I
always have had a twisted sense of humor.. Chester opening a door and
stepping to the side to let me out before him brought my attention snapping
back to the real world. It was sweet, but once more, I don't ever recall a
guy holding the door for me. Not even a gay one, now he'd really got me
thinking about it. Anyways. Chester had once more made his way ahead
of me and was heading towards what was presumably their bus. I just
wordlessly followed, close behind. I was beginning to wonder what the
guys would have to say when the noticed me on the bus. But then.
Maybe they wouldn't mind all that much. They weren't going to be there,
after all.  So I was just a bit excited at the prospect of spending time
absolutely alone with Chester, even if I knew that nothing was ever to
come of it. So as it turned out, Chester and I were the last two to climb
onto the bus, and as soon as it did they driver headed off. Back to the
hotel, presumably. The others had all made their way to the back of the
bus, and that was where I had assumed Chester was going to take off to
as well. I wouldn't have been surprised, nor would I have minded very
much. It seemed that everything the guy did today was a surprise to me,
because once more that's what he did when he sat down out front with
me. I sat as well, on the opposite side of the bus, legs tugged up
underneath me so that I was sitting Indian style, looking across at Chester.
We were both silent, and no, I didn't stare at him the whole way there.
After a moment, I dropped my gaze to the floor. And either way, the ride
really wasn't that long to begin with. After what I once again guessed
was about ten minutes, the bus came to a stop, and I saw Mike, and the
others file off the bus. They all looked at me pretty funny, and then gave
Chester a shifty look. To be honest, I wanted to punch every last one of
them right in their pretty little faces. But of course I did nothing of the sort,
other than to minimally acknowledge their presence. Chester was next to
get up, stepping off the bus and gesturing for me to follow. And of course
I did, though I didn't hurry and jump out of my seat to make sure I was right
behind him at all times. I didn't want to look. clingy, after all. So, I stood
up, stretched once more, and sleepily shuffled my way off the bus. I
always got like this when I was in a car or something, and it wasn't me
who was driving. I didn't have anything to pay attention to, so I'd just.
Start to nod out. As soon as I stepped off the bus, it had pulled away to
go. Wherever it was headed. I smirked to myself and shook my head,
heading over to Chester.

"Where'd everyone go?" I asked him.

"Like I said, they're taking off for a few hours," he nodded. They sure
seemed to have been in something of a rush. "C'mon, Scott," Chester said
and started into the hotel. I followed once more, but stood near the
doorway as he went to the desk and checked in. It didn't seem to take
very look, and Chester had to turn and look to see where'd I'd taken off to.
Once more I found myself smirking as I made my way over to him; he didn't
say a word, but once I got close enough to follow him, he headed off to
the elevator. We loaded in wordlessly, and the door closed behind us. I
didn't bother to watch what button Chester pushed, because I knew it
wasn't like I'd be coming back up her after this. Not too long after, the two
doors slid open and Chester stepped out of the elevator, with me close
behind, and made his way just as well wordlessly to the room he was.
Supposed to be in. When we stopped, I realized that we stood before
number 305. Once again, it didn't really matter much to me. It took Chester
a minute before he could get the stupid card-lock to cooperate, and during
the ordeal I heard the muttering of a few words I need not repeat. I
couldn't help but cackle with amusement as he struggled, and then gave a
triumphant "Hah!" when it at last unlocked, and he pushed the door open.
We both made our way inside, and I allowed the door to swing shut.
Apparently Chester's stuff had already been brought up, or. It was in the
bus, and he wasn't planning on changing. It was beyond my business to
wonder.

"Do you have any idea where the guys went?" I was just trying to make
for some sort of conversation; something I never really cared for. But I
figured that maybe Chester just wanted someone to keep him occupied
while everyone was out; to keep him from thinking too much. Speaking
from personal experience, I know that thinking is the worst thing to do
when something bad happens. You start to exaggerate things and blame
them on yourself, and it gets overbearingly depressing. But then.
Chester may not be like I had been. I found myself assuming a lot of things
that probably weren't true about him as they were for me.

"Naw, I didn't even bother to ask," From where I stood, he looked like he
was speaking to the floor. His back was facing me, sitting on the edge of
the bed. I didn't say anything else to him for the time being, I just sorta
stood there, leaning up against the wall and watching him. I heard him sigh
heavily, which instinctively brought me to ask him "Are you okay?"
He didn't answer for a moment or so, and then I saw his head shake, with
a quiet, trailed off ".No."

"What's up?" I asked, crossing over to the bed and sitting on the end of it,
head turning to look at him.

"Now that the show's over n' stuff, I'm jus' thinkin'." So I was right. I
almost felt a grin tugging at the corner of my mouth, but I suppressed it in
worry of him taking it the wrong way.

"Thinkin' 'bout what?"

"Just. How things are gonna be now that Sam's gone. I'm too used to
having her around, or just. Someone around. I'm gonna be completely
alone," He sighed again, his forehead resting down in the palms of his
hands.

"Now, ya' not gonna be alone. You've got the other guys there,"

"That's true, but I work with them, too. And I have to watch what I say to
them, because I don't need to complicate things with the band. I always
just used to talk to Sam about stuff. Y'know?"

I did.
And as much as I hated Sam for growing so much on Chester, I couldn't
help but have to wish that things got better for him. Because. I didn't
want him to be lonely, like I am, and to not tell a soul, like I do. It wasn't a
good way to be, and I knew it. I knew that I was the cause of a lot of my
own problems, but yet I still refused to change.

"I don't know, Scott. I don't know if I can do this," He fell backwards onto
the bed, arm reaching out to grab a pillow from his right and pull it over his
face.

"Chester. Maybe I ought to get going. You should probably get some
sleep. You've had a. long day," I said, pushing myself to my feet and
turning to look at him.

"..Don't," That was all he needed to say, and I was sitting back down. A
good ten minutes passed of total silence, except the occasional sigh from
either Chester or myself. It was me who finally broke the silence.

"Chester?" I inquired for his attention. He responded only with a little grunt.
".You know I'm gay, don't you?" I don't know why I even brought it up,
because I knew that he'd either throw a fit, or. Throw me out. Odds are
he was going to do both. All I heard was him jerk sharply, and then I heard
him on the floor. I blinked and turned my head to see his head poking up
from the edge of the bed.

"What?!" he asked, cocking his head forward for emphasis.

".I guess not," I laughed half-cynically at my own stupidity.

".Naw, I didn't, But thas' cool." He paused briefly, drew a shaky breath,
and then resumed " I'm bi, anyways."


______________________________

That was a boring chapter, I know. So I figured I'd throw that in at the end
to make it interesting. And besides,  this opens a lot of doors for the next
part. Hope you liked it. :D


Comments are welcome - Watchitcrumbie@aol.com