Mojave
By
RettaMichaels
The Queen of Gay Romance”

Mojave




I started this life between Vegas and Bakersfield, California in the backseat of a 1967 Dodge Polara. I know it's something one doesn't want to think about, but I find it rather neat.

Because I was born in the Mojave desert, my parents named me Mojave Gene Marshall. Yup, MGM. They say I roared like a lion when I cried. I say I was upset they named me after a desert.


I grew up in Tarzana, California. Tarzana, surprisingly, is a quiet little town in the San Fernando valley. Yeah, you hear about it a lot, but you don't think about it being quiet. It is.

When I turned 15, a friend and I decided we'd had enough of our parents and moved in together.


How I had enough money was I started doing a lot of things as odd jobs. I got a job as a 'go fer' for a rich guy when I was 12, and he'd palm me $100 bills for everything I did.

I started off small time. It'd come to about $1200 a week, and when that's tax free, you smile a lot and thank him profusely.

By the time I was 14, I had bought a house for $75,000 up the street. I had the furniture I wanted bought, and had the utilities turned on. I started sleeping there more nights than I was home because of my parents never ending arguing... Name the subject, and they'd argue about it.

Needless to say, the summer of my 15th year, the guy who was having me be his gofer, got a job directing a movie. He asked if I wanted a part, so I said, “Sure!”. Needless to say, that got me in the guild and union. (Screen Actors Guild).

Being in the guild, you have to have a card. Having the card, you can go apply for work on movies, and if they hire you, you get paid a lot.

My first movie with him paid $30 grand. It was lump sum, but I also made over $80 grand working that year as his gofer. It's a great big smile when you look at it and say, 'I paid taxes on $30 grand and cleared $105,000!'.
Needless to say, I could afford to move into my place permanently. As a part of that, I had a friend named Rayne who moved in with me. I'll tell you about him.


Rayne and I went to school together. Wherever he was, I was. When I learned something as a hustle, Rayne was right there beside me. When I started working for the guy, Rayne was there working beside me. He'd do the guy's yard work and I'd do the errands and would go to the store and everything for him.


The part I got in the movie was really good. It wasn't real hard, so I wasn't worried about acting. Here's why...


When you act, you have to become the character. If you don't, you're overacting. Here's why...

Think about how you are in a room carrying on a conversation. Do you talk like you're wanting the neighbors to hear? No. You're talking normal and you act like yourself.

When you're acting the part, you're that character. The character is a 'real' person in the movie, so be the character who is a person. If you do that, you'll do fine.

The key to it is this. You have to know that character. If the character is a rugrat, you don't speak like you're a Shakespearean character, you speak as a rugrat would speak. Don't over do it, just be the character.


What is cool is this... He had me act and the actors in the movie all thought I was great. I sort've smiled at that thinking it was great they liked how I was doing, but I also thought they were doing it as a big joke.

What changed for me is this... He got to editing the movie with someone who was another director. That guy was working on putting a movie together and said he wanted me.
In telling the studio he wanted me, he took the clips I was in and went and showed the studio. They said they wanted me and I got called in.

Me getting called in, I wondered why they wanted me. A small part of me thought I was in trouble, but another part of me wondered if they thought I didn't do a good job. I asked Rayne about it and he said, “Nah, they probably want to hire you on as a runner like he did. If so, make sure you get just as much.”

Anyway, I went to the meeting. I didn't dress up because I figured they'd have me running all over the city, so I rode my scooter and wore shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt.

When I got there, the lady at the front desk took my name and directed me to the guy's office. When I got to his office, he motioned me in and said, “Sit down! Sit down!”. So I sat.

As soon as I sat down, he leaned forward and clasped his hands. “I saw you acting in the movie and have to say you did a wonderful job.”

“Thanks!”

He gave me a look, “I'd like to get you signed to a three movie deal. Do you have a problem with that?”

“Sure! That's no problem!”

He smiled, “I'm told you're wanted in another movie already. A director saw you in it and said you're exactly who he wants. I'd like to get you on over to a different set so you can act in a movie for us during the next four weeks.”. He paused, “Who's your agent?”


I stared, “Uh, I don't have anyone.”

He stared like he'd been slapped, “You don't have an agent!”

“No sir. I do odd jobs for the director. He wanted me in the movie because he's known me since I was 12. I acted in it and that's why I did it. I don't need an agent.”

He smiled, “Are you able to negotiate your own contract?”


Yeah. Just pay me what you would someone who has an agent. It's not that hard!”


He laughed, “Let me get you over to that set. Here's what I'm going to do... We'll work you without an agent, but you've got to get your parents permission.”

“Ok. I'll run the paperwork home and get Mom to sign it.”

“Do you have a bank account?”


Yeah. I've got my own card and everything.”

He nodded, “Ok. I need to know what else you can do?”


I can run and do errands, and shop for your groceries, and do a lot of things!”

He stared, “I was meaning, can you sing, dance, and do anything special like that?”


Yeah. Who can't?”


He laughed, “Let me hear you sing.”

“Ok. Let me put in my ear buds and I'll put on a Selena Gomez song. Then, I'll sing a Justin Bieber song.”

He nodded, “Ok. Go ahead.”

I put in my ear buds and started 'Hit The Lights', and sang. While I sang, I danced. When I was through, I put it on over to 'Never Let You Go', and mixed it up between Justin Bieber's style and a bit more mature like Bruno Mars.

When I was finished, I pulled the buds and went back over. He stared and said quietly, “Uh, I've got to send you to that movie, but I want you in a recording booth.”

“Ok. Can I have you meet Rayne?”


Who's Rayne?”


He's my best friend. He didn't get to act in the movie, but he's just as talented as me.”

“Can he sing like you?”


Yeah. He can do a lot of things like me.”

He nodded, “Let's get him in here.”

“Ok, but getting parental permission for him is going to be hard.”

“Why?”


He's living with me. We have a house in Tarzana and are sharing it together.”

“Why?”


His parents are assholes. Mine are always arguing, so I bought my own place. When I moved in, I asked him and he moved in also.”

He stared, “You have your own house?”


Yeah. Vic pays me a lot to do errands for him. He pays Rayne to do yard work, so Rayne does the yard and I do the errands.”

He stared, “What sort've errands?”


You might not know it, but Vic hates shopping. He makes a list and I go to the store for him. For that, he gives me $100. I do that probably 5 or 6 times a week. And then, Vic has me run different places for him. Just a few minutes ago, I finished taking a DVD back for him and got $97 after I paid the late fee.”

He stared, “How much are you making?”


It varies. On a slow week, I'm making $1200 from him. On a hard week, I'm making $3 grand.”

“Man!”

“I figured you wanted me to do chores, but acting's cool.”

He laughed, “Mo, your acting is going to make you rich!”

“CooL!”


You received $30 grand. I know what you got.”

“Yeah. I paid taxes on it and got $23,000. It pissed my parents off because they couldn't claim me as a deduction.”

He laughed, “How much did you make from Vic?”


I brought in $105 grand last year, but only paid taxes on the $30. I bought my house, and bought furniture, and kept the utilities on, so that's all that I did. Of course, I got my scooter, but I want to get a BMW 228iX.”

“Why that?”


It's a convertible. It's $50 grand. It's not going to be twice as much for the insurance as a Z4, and I think it'll hold it's value. Other than that, I can have white with red interior and a Harmon Kardon, so that's cool.”

He smiled, “You're 16 now?”


Yeah”

“Why don't I get the car for you?”


Uh, why don't you pay me a lot and then, I'll get it!”


He laughed, “Mo, here's the deal I'm putting together for you. The first movie will be $1 million. The second will be $2 million. The third will be $3 million.

For your record contract, I'll put together a bundle which is the same...1,2,3.”

“Ok, but after the first three, it's going to be 4,5,6... and if you want more, you've got to go up!” I said smiling.


He laughed, “Ok! How about a 9 package!”

“Over how long of a period of time?”


He looked surprised, “How fast do you want it?”

“Well, if you're wanting to drag it out, I'd rather you not. I'd like to see the money instead of my old age! I mean if you're going to do one a year, I'll be 25 by the time you're done and I might as well go into retirement when you're done because I'll be ancient!”

He laughed, “You'll have the records and tours.”

“Ok, but tours are extra.”

“How much do you want for the tours?”

“Let's do the same on that.”

He nodded, “Ok, but I split merchandising with you.”

“Ok, but I get to help pick that out.”

He smiled, “Ok, but why?”


Some things are stupid. Other things aren't.” I stared, “I want the poster money.”


He nodded, “Ok. You want posters?”


Yeah. They cost a lot!”


He nodded, “Ok.”

I pointed, “I want to have a real good stage show. You gotta pay for that.”

He smiled, “Ok, I'll do that providing you stay off drugs and booze.”

I stared like he was an idiot, “You don't have to worry about that!”


Can I put someone on your tour and around you who will make sure you don't?”


Yeah. He'll tell you it's lonely because I'm not doing anything dumb to screw it up! You're paying me $43 million to sing, $43 million to act, $43 million to do concerts, and splitting royalties, merchandising, and letting me have posters.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

“At the end of that 9 deal, we renegotiate everything. Now, how soon do you want me to do all this?”


He smiled, “Here's what I want you to do. You go do this movie. I'll get the songs picked, and we'll have you sing them in the studio and put together your album.”

“Let's do three albums and get those out of the way. I'd tell you to do more, but you probably don't know how long it takes to wait on the movies be released. I sure do!”

He smiled, “Let's take you over to the studio and see if they've got something for you to sing. If we can get it put together so it's not taking time, I'll do that.”

“Ok. Be sure to let them know at that movie set!”

He laughed, “I will!”

We went over. I pointed, “I'm leaving my scooter here.”

He asked, “Do you want your car now?”


Uh, how much is that going to cost me?”


I'll get it for you as a sign on bonus.”

“I want it white with red interior and loaded. It's gotta have a convertible top.”

“And x drive.”

“Yeah. But if you don't mind, since I'm going to be loaded, would you get me the Z4?”


He nodded, “Ok. That'll be fine.”

I turned, “One more thing...”

He gave me a look, “Sure!”

“Armani and Valentino are my styles. You can pick, but I get that contract... I want to be on the best dressed list all the time instead of the trash.”

He looked surprised, “That might push away your fans.”

“Or it might start getting kids my age trying to imitate it instead of having their pants sagging.”

He nodded, “Ok. We'll try. I'm going to make calls. You want a contracted signature style?”


Yeah. I want us making a package which has me being able to walk out on stage in white and being seen. If I'm looking like a part of the entourage, someone's going to be mistaken for me and took out on the stage. If I'm looking like me all the time, it's going to be known that I'm me.”
I turned, “Streisand doesn't sell out her look. I bet you could get J-Lo into ripped jeans and make them look hot, but she's going to tell you that she'll do it only so long before she's back in the designers.

I want me being classy all the way. That doesn't mean that I'm going out onto a pool deck in a 3 piece suit, it means that I want to be seen as stylish no matter what I do.”

“Ok.”

“The Colonel wouldn't have let Elvis in a pair of ripped jeans because the package he was presenting was too valuable. If we keep the package marketable, it'll be sold over and over.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

“By the way, I'm gay. I'm not going to sleep around, but you need to know it upfront. If you think you'll sell me into dating and getting married to a girl, I'll tell you to piss up a rope and will say I DON'T loud enough the Asians will know you've gotten me pissed!”


He nodded, “Ok. But you might need to date.”

“That's fine. Just do it with class. Don't make me into some Taylor Swift. She ended up looking stupid.”

“She's rebounded good.”

“That's debatable. Someone's sure selling her into the Kennedys awfully hard. I know why, but it's damned dumb.”

“Why?”


Because they're American royalty. Had it been me, I'd told you to get me packaged to Hollywood royalty and left politics out of it.

She's packaging herself for a run at the Senate from the way it looks. If she does, she needs to start showing she's for things and against a lot of things now, not later.”

“What do you want for your long range plans?”


If you’re packaging me, I want us looking at awards for the first 9 everything. I want awards for the movies and awards for the music. Don't put me on Broadway and hope for a Tony, that's career suicide. Keep me out here, and let's clean up so that my value after these 9 is going to be amazing.”

“Ok. Are you prepared to work?”


Yeah. Just make sure I get my schooling because I'm going to want to finish it and get something in a degree afterward.”

“Like what?”

“Something so that when I'm on the business side of this, I know good from terrible and have some choices.”

He nodded, “Ok. I'll do that. As long as I'm in the office, I'll make sure you're going for something where you're in power at the studio.”

“Good. I appreciate that.”

He nodded, “You're very astute for your age!”

“That's because without planning, you don't get anywhere. My parents are renting, still drive the same old car, and argue, fuss, and fight because that's all they've got in common.

When the booze and the arguing are all you've got, I guess that's all you end up with. I sure as hell won't!”


We need to get them to sign on the dotted line.”


Let me handle that. The second they think there's a dollar to be made from it, they'll be fuckin' it up for me.

They don't know I own my house and they don't know what I've got in it because they don't care. The second they ever thought I had money, they were wanting it. I was a whole lot smarter than that.”

“How'd you explain the movie and acting in it?”


I took it in to Mom to sign. I told her it was permission to act in a movie that some friends were putting together. She wanted to know if it was porn, and I told her 'hell no'!”


He looked shocked, and I said, “She signed. She didn't bother asking, so I can tell her it's more of the same.”

“You need emancipated.”

“It's already done. I've got that paperwork signed.”

“Get it in to the court! You don't have to ask for any permission then!”

“Ok. I'll do that! You hold good to your contract with me because I'm counting on it!”

He nodded, “Don't worry, I'm taking you under my wing. I know you're putting your trust in me.”

We got to the recording studio and went in. He introduced me to a lot of people with names. When we got to the main group, he said, “We need him some songs. He wants to do three albums from the start, so they need to be hit makers and chart toppers.”

The one guy asked, “What can you sing?”


I asked, “What do you need me to sing? I can sing most anything.”

He nodded to the booth, and Jeff said, “Go sing those two you sang for me.”

I pointed, “Ok. But they won't hear the music.”

The guy said, “What are you going to sing? I'll get it pulled up for you.”

I said, “Selena Gomez' 'Hit The Lights', and Justin Bieber's 'Never Let You Go'. I'm going to sing that Bieber song in a style between Justin and Bruno Mars so that it's more mature.”

He nodded, “Ok. Let me get those pulled up. For good measure, I'm going to have you trying some others.”

“Ok.”

Jeff said, “I want him to have his own sound and style.”

I said, “I want fun songs which will fill dance floors. I want to be able to go out on stage for these concerts and have it go from one song to the next and be up tempo all the way through so that it's like one long party. If we get to slow and ballads, it's breaking the momentum, so I want it away from that.”

He asked, “Like Enrique?”


Yeah, but even he's had slow songs. Hero was great, but it nearly pigeon holed him.”

He nodded, “Ok. Go in and we'll see what we can hear of your voice.”

I went in and they showed me the headphones and I asked, “Can I have these?”


The guy looked shocked, “NO!”

I stared, “Listen, I don't know who's worn these. Are you aware of what ear mites are? They're something that these probably have and I don't want! If you're going to insist, I'm going to insist on cotton and some mineral spirits so that I'm not catching anything!
And what about lice? Who wore these before me? Do you have a sanitizing agent, or do you pass these from one to another?

Listen, I'm going to be recording 9 albums. You're going to have me mixing these with Djs and you're going to have me a long time... If I catch something from the get-go, I'm going to tell him that I want someone different because I still have what the hell I caught from you and lackadaisical bullshit!”

Jeff nearly yelled, “Get him what he wants! God damn! Even HE'S making sense that I hadn't thought about before!”


I nodded, “I apologize for appearing hard to deal with, but there are things you don't do with me... You never ask me to sleep on sheets which aren't clean, and you never ask me to wear clothes someone else has worn. I'm not getting a transmittable disease off any of that!”


The guy said, “Give us a moment. I don't even know if we've got a brand new pair here!”

“Put it over the speakers and leave them off. All you're doing is hearing my voice. We can work on that for the real music.”

He said, “Ok. Are you ready?”


I nodded, “Yeah.”

He looked at Jeff, “He'd better be damned good. He's already pissing me off!”

Jeff said, “He's got the two he's doing beat by a mile. He's writing his own ticket and doing it so that we're making money from him. He knows he's making money, but he's also letting us keep some!”

The music went on and I started singing. By the time 'Lights' was finished, there were a bunch more people in the studio. They went into the Bieber song, and I sang.

By the end, I said, “One more. IF you want range, put on Faith Evans' Mesmerized Freemasons mix and we'll go through it.”


He nodded and within 10 seconds, I had it being piped into the speakers. I hit the moves and danced while I sang. I know I hit it note for note perfect and felt real good about it, but I did throw in a few lion growls and took it up to hitting Michael Jackson tones.


When I was finished, I said, “I showboated, but it's good.”

He smiled, “Come and read these sheets. I know you don't want this, but I've got a special request that you sing it.”

“Ok.”

I got the sheet and saw it was Hurts 'Stay', and went in. He gave a surprised look, and I said, “I know it. I don't need the sheet.”

He looked even more surprised and started the song. I sang it and kept it serious because I wanted the person who'd requested it to be happy. At the end, I said, “Ok. Is that good enough?”


It's excellent. I'm going to ask you to do one more, but this is just for curiosity.”

“Ok...”

He put on Evanscence ft Lincoln Park's 'Wake Me Up Inside'. I took her part and hit it note for note perfect. When it was done, he stood there with his mouth open and his tongue on a side tooth. He took a deep breath, “She didn't do it on the first take. You nailed it.”

“I'm copying her. I'm just singing the finished version. I'm sure if I had to sing it through the first time, it'd take some times to get through it.”

He nodded, “I'm going to test that theory right now. Here's some sheet music. I'm going to play it through while they hook in your headset.”

“Ok.”

He put on the music and said, “There's a singer in your headset. It's the song writer doing the demo.”

“Ok.”

“Put your own spin on it and we'll see how it goes.”

I listened to the music and liked the rhythm. They got my headset hooked in and I listened. As soon as it was finished, he said, “Lonesome Rose.”


I said, “Ok. I've got two ways to sing this. I'm going to sing it to this music, but the second one, I'm going to need you to put some rumba into it.”


Really?”


Put on Mark Anthony's 'I Need To Know', and then, you'll hear what I'm hearing in my head.”


Ok. Give me a moment.”


He had it piped in and I nodded. When it got to the chorus, I started singing Lonesome Rose.


He started nodding and I put in the vocals which took it on over to Tejano. At the end, I said, “She's wrote this song, but she's listened to way too much Nelly. I'm hearing Over and Over Again, and Only Just A Dream in it all the way. I can sing it that way, but it's going to sound like me singing a Nelly song.”


He chuckled, “Sing it that way and we'll see!”

He started the music and I started singing it Nelly style. When it was over, I said, “That's it. Now, play it through and I'll do backgrounds. I'll need two runs to get it done.”

“Ok.”

He played it through and I put in backgrounds. On the third time through, I put in the final vocals. He nodded, “Thank you. I need to show them what happened here. I'm like you, I hear that rumba and think it's head and shoulders above this way.”

“We could do them both and put them both on the album, but if it's for spec, I'd advise the second way.”

He motioned and I went out. He said, “Tomorrow morning at 8am, I need you here. We've got two days to put together something. I've got a bunch of songs in mind.”

“Ok.”

“If you're wanting 30 songs, or 33 songs, it's going to be an all day thing. If you hear it through the first time and sing it through three times, it's going to be about 30 minutes for each. That's 16 ½ hours.”

“Ok.”

He nodded, “I'll have the food and fluids here for you. You wear comfortable clothes and be ready to sing.”

“Ok.”

He gave me a look, “Mo, I wouldn't do this for just anyone. You've sold me on you. He advised me to listen, and I did. Now I'm swearing that your voice is going to be what everyone wants to hear for a long long time.”

“Thanks.”

He smiled, “You have a way of taking songs from other people and making them your own. You stay close enough to let us know what it is you're singing, but you grab hold and throw in what you hear which is amazing.

Where you got that lion growl, I don't know, but I'm going to Faith and asking for us to use that song for you. She might, but then again, she might not. She's very conditional.”

“With cause. She's been played enough to know it's a lot of game.”

He nodded, “For her, it was. For a lot of others, it wasn't.”

“I understand. Everyone's got their own story.”

Jeff came in and he said, “I want you to hear the song the way he sang it. Then, I want you to hear what he heard and wanted to sing it like. When you hear the two side by side, you're going to want to scrap and do it his way.” He paused, “He's advised to have both on the album. You could put it out there as an A side and a B side on a single and have people liking both, but I'm thinking the B side would be what sells the most.”

Jeff looked interested, “Let's hear them.”

We listened and Jeff was really nodding on the original. He said, “That's damned good!”

I said, “Give it a second.”


The guy, Mark, put it on and Jeff looked surprised. We listened to it through and Jeff said, “Man, that's interesting!”

I said, “It's Latin, rumba, Tejano, and Salsa. I threw in some Charro, and I threw in some Shakira...” I paused and said, “Mark?”


Yes?”


Can you pull up Dance Kuduro and let's see if we can spice up that Salsa?”

He smiled, “Ok! I'm willing to try a lot of things!”

I went in and Jeff stood there. The Dance Kuduro background music came on. I threw in the words. They didn't fit totally, but there was enough that I knew it'd picked up the tempo and delivered it.

I started singing in Portuguese and they looked surprised. The rolling of my r's, and the latin flavor really showed then..


When I was finished, Jeff got on the microphone, “Can you do it in Spanish?”


Si”


He smiled and they put it through again. I sang it throwing in some Spanish soul-sa. By the time I was finished, I knew we had the song and the style. We just needed the music.


I went out and Jeff said, “He's getting you music. You turned it into yours. I just got chills because I can see it going up the charts in Spanish and Portuguese speaking countries as well as hitting in the markets here.”

I nodded, “I know it took it out of the ballpark you were in, but it was either that or a case of dodge ball. That last one had the rhythm and style.”

He nodded, and Mark said, “I got chills. I've got to get studio musicians in, but we'll have it polished.” He turned to Jeff, “He's going to need a real big band to play all these styles for him on the road.”

Jeff nodded, “Yeah, but he'll fill stadiums all over the world.”

He smiled, “Come on outside. I have everything for you.”

“Ok.”

“I need you to get that paperwork filed. I have a judge who will put it through if you'll get it to him.”

“They're at my house in Tarzana.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

We went out and he pointed, “What do you think?”


There sat the Z4M. I ran to it and looked it over and got in the driver's seat. It took some adjusting, but I knew it was perfect!


He smiled, “Is it good?”


It's perfect!”

He laughed, and got in the passenger seat. I need you to put the top up so we can talk as you drive.”

“Ok.”

I put the top up and we rolled up the windows. I put on the air conditioning and drove. “Where are we going?”


To get that paperwork!”

“Ok. Rayne is going to be there and will go nuts. Be prepared!”

He smiled, “Ok.”

We drove out to Tarzana. On the way, he said, “I know this hectic schedule is going to be hard on you, but it's gotta be for a little while.”

“Ok.”

He's wanting to record everything in one day. He says he thinks he can do it, so I'm going to give him that shot. However, if he needs more time, it's going to have to be next week because we've got to have you on Saturday going to Armani over in Beverly Hills to be fitted. They've agreed to sponsor you and put you on contract.”

“Excellent!”

“They've got a lot of styles which will keep you in fashion.”

“Yeah...”

“That contract is going to be for 10 years. I did the negotiating for you, but I think you'll like it.”

“What is it?”


First of all, you've got to be there on the runway for the two fashion shows each year.”

“Ok, what about Paris, London, and Madrid?”


Uh, I don't know. Let me ask.”

“There are four fashion weeks twice a year. New York and then, it bounces from country to country.”

“I wasn't aware.”


He grabbed his phone and I said, “Tell me about the rest of the contract!”

“It's five million. You were to do New York twice a year and then wear the clothes the rest of the year for the $3 million. If there are other fashion weeks where he can pay you $1 million each, I'm all for it!”

“So am I!”

He dialed and started speaking. By the time he got off the phone, he had me all the fashion weeks at $1 million each plus the $3 million annually to wear the clothes. The blessing of it was that I got to keep all the clothes, accessories, and coordinates... He got to put together the outfits.


When he rang off, I high fived him and said, “That took $5 to $11 real fast!”


He gave me a look, “On Sunday, we're going to have you put with a stylist.”

“Ok. That'll be cool.”

“Your stylist will do your hair and coloring. He or she will work with Armani to get you what will look best on you.”

“Great.”

We got to the house. I pulled up the driveway and parked. I said, “Come on in!”


We went in the back door and Rayne yelled, “How'd it go!”

He came running in and stopped in his tracks, “Who's he?”


He's Jeff. He's over the studio and the record company. I got a 9 movie deal and a 9 album deal.”


He looked shocked and Jeff said, “I want you testing for movies.”

I said, “Jeff, he can sing just as good as me.”

Jeff looked surprised, “Really?”


I nodded, “Together, we work off each other real good.”

I turned to Rayne, “Buddy, I'm recording three albums tomorrow. On Saturday, I've got to be in Beverly Hills to be fitted by Armani. Then, on Sunday, it's a color stylist with everything. On Monday, we start on the movie, so it'll be that for a while.”


Jeff said, “I need to get you your script, but I've got to have him taken to the studio.”

I said, “Ok, but the car is only a two seater. If you'll drive...”

Rayne asked, “What car?”


I smiled, and nodded, “Go look at it!”

He ran, and I said, “He'll go insane.”

Jeff laughed, “You DO realize he's good looking enough to be another top model, right?”


I laughed, “Yeah.”

“Are you two lovers?”


No. We tried that and it didn't work. We're damned decent friends, but it got weird when we tried sex.”

He laughed, “Man!”

I went to the door and said, “Hey!”

Rayne was laughing, yelling, and running around the car. I said, “Dude, quiet it down!”

He laughed, “Quiet it down! I'm in shock!”

“Give me a moment and I'll have what I need. Then, you've got to sit on my lap while he drives us back to the studio.”

He looked shocked, “Ok!”

I went into my room and got the file. When I brought it out, I said, “Here it is.”

He looked at it and nodded, “Good!”

We went out and he got in the driver's seat. Rayne said, “Let me lock up! I'll need my billfold.”

“Hurry!”

He took off running and Jeff said, “I'm getting him everything you've gotten. The two of you are going to be one helluva team!”

“Let me run it by him. He'll be in shock, but he'll be yelling and real emotional.”

He laughed, “Ok!”

I turned, “Jeff, we'll need to talk in your office about locking the money up so that his family can't get to it.”

“Ok.”

“My suggestion is to keep it in a savings account which requires three signatures to get anything out. If we don't, his brother will be around to strong arm him steal it.”

He gave me a shocked look and I nodded, “I don't ask for rent because his brother is here a lot and takes his money. The last time I intervened, I had a pistol pulled on me...as well as other things.”

He looked shocked, “My GOD!”. He looked at me, “I'll get you two a house which is in a gated community!”

“It'll have to be a gated house in a gated community.”

He nodded, “I know just the one.”

“I don't know how you'll do it, but if I move, my furniture will have to go into storage here. I don't trust anyone from breaking in and doing something.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

When Rayne came out, he ran around and hopped in on top of me. I said, “Hey! Lighter! Damn!”


He laughed, “There's not much room to be light!”


We got him adjusted and he said, “Oh man, this car sounds cool!”

I said, “Rayne, I'm going to tell you what my deal is. You can agree or disagree, but listen up. Ok?”


Sure!”

“It's a 9 movie deal. The first is $1 million.”

“MAN!”

“Rayne, you gotta listen up dude!”

“Ok! Ok!”

I continued, “The second is $2 and it goes all the way up to $9 million for the 9
th. The same goes for albums. The first is $1 and the 9th is $9 million.”

“COOL!”

“Now, listen up!”

“Ok, man! You've gotta let me be happy for you! I know you're going to be moving out!”

“Yeah, but you're moving too!”

“Really?”


Yeah. But here's the rest. Posters are mine 100%. Royalties are split. Concerts are split. Merchandising is split, but I get rights of refusal.”

“Good! You don't need toothbrushes looking like you going in little girls' mouths like that other dumb fuck!”

Jeff looked surprised, “Who did that!”

I told him and he looked shocked, “I never knew that!”

I nodded, “That, to me, borders on pedophilia. I don't know how a parent could buy that for their kid in good conscience. Yeah, I can see SuperMan, and Barbie toothbrushes, but not someone who is a real person!”


He shook his head, “I've heard of a bunch of stuff like that, but you won't be in anything like that!”

I nodded, “That's why I want refusal. Lord knows they're probably made in China and have lead based paint or something!”

He looked surprised again, “Probably!”

We went over to a courthouse and he said, “Come on in.”

I said, “Ok.”


We got out and I said, “Come on Rayne. We're working on getting you an emancipation too.”

“Really! Good!”

We went in and Jeff smiled as we watched Rayne walk. He pulled his phone and dialed someone. We went into the office and the secretary came over. Jeff said, “We spoke with Judge Matthews earlier. He's waiting on this young man's emancipation request. And he's aware of this young man's need to become emancipated also.”

She said, “Give me a moment.”

She went into the judge's office and came back out, “He'll see you.”

We went in and real fast, the judge shook our hands. Jeff spoke and then, the judge asked me, “Is this what you want?”


Yes, your honor. I had these papers already drawn up and was waiting on a real good reason to go ahead and get it done. I'm 16, but he and I have lived together since the beginning of last summer.”


He looked at me with an arched eyebrow, “Why?”


My parents argue all the friggin' time. If they're not arguing, they pickin' an argument! If they're not pickin' the argument, they're getting drunk so they can pick that argument!”

He gave a nod and Rayne said, “Your honor, my home life wasn't good, but I'd go over to his house and would go home thinkin' that I was lucky! He's right, I stayed over and they did nothing but argue!”


I said, “Your honor, they pride themselves that they've been married and will stay together forever. I'll tell you they stay together because they liquor store is closer than the courthouse.”


He smiled real big, and nodded, “Ok, I'm granting this!”


I pointed over, “Could you do Rayne one also? He's got a real good career opportunity and needs one. His family steals all his money.”

The judge looked at me and I shrugged, “Hey your honor, I've been at the end of that pistol! I know what it's like to get robbed by them! Just as soon as I'm able to get a pistol, they'll know what it's like to leave my house!”

He looked at Jeff and Jeff said, “I'm buying him a house for them to move into. The odds are that I'll probably buy them each a house because Mo has already shown he's going to be a huge star. When he gets a compliment, he points at this one and says he's going to be huge.”

Rayne smiled real big at me and said, “Thanks!”

I nodded, “You know it's true!”


He looked away and the judge asked, “Are you two a couple?”


I smiled, “Your honor, we're a couple of gay guys who live together. In regards to being sexually active together, it doesn't work for us. Most couples smoke a cigarette afterward, we took showers and begged each other for forgiveness.”

He smiled, “Why?”


It screwed everything up!”

Rayne said, “Sometimes it's best to stay friends. I'm not knockin' him as my best friend, but I'll never get into bed with him again!”

The judge laughed real loud, “I suppose it's a good lesson to have learned!”

I said, “Your honor, he's the best looking guy I know. He's been my best friend since like forever. Those are ingredients for a good relationship if you're not us.”


He smiled and Rayne and I laughed. Jeff said, “You can tell you two are best friends. Something like that would've ended a bunch of other friendships.”

I said, “Nah, for us, it showed us we needed to stay friends. I love him, but not in that way.”


The judge said, “Give me a second. I want to get him emancipated. Let me get that paperwork and we'll do it.”


He got up and left us sitting in his office.


I winked at Rayne and he smiled real big. I could tell he was real happy.


I turned to Jeff, “Don't be promising me a house if it's not going into my name!”

He smiled real big, “It is!”

I nodded, “Thanks.”

He smiled, and asked, “Is it going to be ok if I don't do it in Hidden Hills?”


I shrugged, “You're the one who brought up Hidden Hills. If there's someplace which is better, show us!”

He smiled bigger, “I know of two which are adjoining. That way, you two can be next door neighbors.”


I nodded, “Ok. That'd be cool!”

He walked out of the office and Rayne gave me a look, “What do you think of everything?”


We're getting it in writing. That's the best part.”

“Good! It all sounds too good to be real!”

“Buddy, they're making a lot of money off this. IF these albums sell real good, they're getting the excess. That's giving him the incentives to put a lot of really good music in front of us.

We're splitting royalties and concerts. I've already told him what I want, so you'll probably get the love songs and all those.”


Ok.”

“The deal is for 9 movies and 9 albums. I imagine it's going to be over a four or five year period of time.”

“That fast!”

“Hey, if someone wants to give me $100 million that fast, I'll gladly take it!”

He smiled, “Yeah, but damn!”

“By the end of it, we'll be huge in the business and will have a reputation which will get us huge contracts in the future. It escalates gradually, so each gives us more and more. They've made their money off the front, but we'll be making ours off the back.”

“Ok.”

“He bought the car and he bought the house as a throw in. When you figure out he's making huge money, you see he's not afraid to give us things.”

He nodded, “I'll probably spend my time at your place.”

“That's fine. He's aware of everything in regards to you and is wanting to protect you. My advice is to never let them know where we're moving and to cut all ties.”

He nodded, “I will.”

The judge came back in and handed me my paperwork. He said, “Parker (Rayne), I'll have yours here in a moment.”

Rayne said, “Ok.”

He looked at Rayne, “I'm going to get a restraining order put on your entire family.” He looked at me and added, “For you too. Me hearing they're robbing you at gunpoint is ridiculous!”

I said, “It's not for much at a time, but it's bull that they think we're their bank.”


He nodded, “Once is enough to have put them in prison.”

I nodded, “It's enough we'll probably have to have security around us.”

He motioned, “Tell Jeff. I imagine he'll have it around you all the time.”


Jeff came in, “Boys, come on! I've got a place to show you which is incredible!”


I said, “We're waiting on Rayne's paperwork.”

The judge said, “Parker, I'll have it sent to you first thing in the morning.”

Rayne stood up and said, “Ok. Thank you, your honor.”

I said, “Yeah, thanks your honor.”

We went out and just as soon as we got to the hallway, I said to Jeff, “Give me a moment. I want to give myself a note to send him a dinner at a really nice restaurant and his secretary a nice plant.”


Jeff smiled real big, “Do that! It'll show them you really appreciate what they did!” He paused, “In the future, he'll remember you doing it for him and will respond gladly.”

I nodded, “Is he the night court judge?”


He nodded, “Yeah, the day court judge is just as nice.”

Rayne asked, “We need to get something to eat. I waited until he got home because I wanted us to celebrate.”

Jeff nodded, “Can it be in about 2 hours?”

I said, “Let's stop by In & Out Burger and get something. He's probably not eaten since early this morning if that.”


Rayne nodded and Jeff gave us a look, “Are you guys cutting on food?”


I said, “No. We have PopTarts and things like that for breakfast. We eat a bigger meal for dinner and that's it. If we're out, we pick up something for lunch, but I didn't today because I didn't want to be burping or anything in front of you.”

Jeff nodded, “Let me call. I'm sure he'll wait to show us.”

I shook my head, “Jeff, we were going to eat at In & Out as our celebration meal. That's why we wanted to go there.”

He nodded, “Ok!”

Rayne said, “Where are we going now?”


Jeff said, “Let's go by In & Out. Then, I'll take you out to the properties.”

Rayne asked, “Where are they?”


Jeff nodded, “Out in Thousand Oaks.”

Rayne nodded, “Cool!”

Jeff said, “It's a Thousand Oaks address, but they're not in Thousand Oaks itself.”

I nodded, “Ok.”

Rayne asked, “Tell us about them.”

Jeff said, “They're two ranches side by side. One is bigger than the other, but it's a really good investment property for the each of you. The advantage is there are really nice homes on each.”

I said, “Can you deed them together for us to have in our investment fund?”


He looked surprised and Rayne said, “That's what I want too.”

Jeff nodded, “Ok. I can do that.”

I said, “Jeff, it might not make sense to you, but we made a deal a long time ago that if something should happen to either one of us, the other would get what the other had. I don't want my parents getting anything and he doesn't either.”

Jeff nodded, “Ok. That protects you two.”

“Yeah. It doesn't make sense to someone on the outside, but it does if you look at the bigger picture.”

He nodded, “I need to get my car when we are finished eating.”

I said, “Ok. So we're following you?”


Jeff nodded, “If you don't mind.”

I nodded, “I need to get my scooter put someplace safe.”


Jeff asked, “Rayne, has he told you our agreements?”


Rayne said, “Yeah, it sounds too good to be true.”


Jeff said, “I'm still trying to decide how I'm going to package it. I've thought about several different angles, but I keep coming back to one.”

“What's that?”


He sighed, “It's a Justin/Selena angle... You two are a couple, but you do a lot of things apart. When you two are together, you're doing a lot of publicity and photo shots as well as interviews.”

Rayne asked, “How long are we talking on this contract?”


Jeff said matter of fact, “It's going to be hard to determine. I'm thinking four years. It depends on a lot of factors. It depends on how long the movies take and it depends on how big the albums go over.”

Rayne asked, “Why?”

Jeff smiled, “If the albums go over real big, that'll mean a huge long tour.”

I said, “Can I interrupt you for a moment?”


Jeff nodded, “Yeah.”

I said, “I don't know how much publicity is for the movies, but we know we're modeling for 8 weeks out of the year. If there are three movies released each year, that's six weeks of publicity. That's 14 weeks of publicity without filming and touring.

If we put that we're filming 3 movies, that's going to probably take out 18 weeks if they're 6 week shoots. That's 32 weeks which leaves 20 weeks of touring.

When you figure there's probably some award shows and things like that, you're looking at 15 weeks.

Now, I say that we have it in the contracts that there is no Friday afternoon, Saturday, or Sunday shooting so that we have tour and concerts at that time. That buys us back some weeks for touring, but it gets us more money that way.

What I'll tell you is this... IF you can get us scheduled for interviews during times that we're waiting on takes while on the set, we can do that and save a lot of time.

Of course, I'll tell you that a lot of these interviews can be phoned in or pre-recorded so they've got a set list of questions already answered. That way, all we've got to do is send out publicity stills and they spin it so that it's sounding like we gave them exclusive time and answers.”

Jeff smiled real big, “You know the business more than you admit!”

I said, “It's pretty much told to us since birth out here! If you don't have a package and you're not presenting a solid deal, you won't get anything!”

He laughed, “What do you guys think of the rest of the idea?”


Rayne said, “Our closest friends won't believe it, but the rest of the world will. I'll do it if it's 4 years, but if it's drug out, I'm most likely going to find someone. Then, it'll be you trying to say I violated my contract.”

Jeff shook his head no, “I won't violate your contract if you hold to it and then find someone else. We'll have to spin it.”

I said, “No. We'll just make an announcement that we've came to the conclusion of our relationship and are still going to be best friends. There's no lie in that, and it's showing a lot of people that they can have friendships with their exes if they're mature about it.”


He nodded, “Ok.” He looked at Rayne, “I want you testing for a movie we're about to start shooting. I think you're right, but that's me...not the director. He's a great director, but he's finicky as all get out.”


Rayne nodded, “Ok.”

Jeff said, “I want you testing for your voice also. As soon as we know your sound, we'll know how to package it.”

I said, “I've told him and he's fine with being the love song peddler.”


Jeff laughed real loud, and smiled at us. We pulled into In & Out and went in. I got two 4x4's (4 pieces of meat and 4 slices of cheese) done animal style (everything with extra spread, and mustard fried onto the burgers with fried onions on top of it all). I got cheese fries and a Large Neo (politan) Shake.

Rayne got three Flying dutchmen (two beef patties with two slices of cheese in the middle...no bun and nothing else.) with mustard put in the middle. He got cheese fries and a large rootbeer float.


Jeff got two 2x2's, fries, and a large chocolate shake. We stayed in and ate, but Jeff smiled at me, “You're a huge eater!”

I said, “It's what I get all the time. Usually, I have one leftover, so I take that home for later. And usually, he gets a 3x3 for later. Then, we get a bag of chips and eat it at home.”

Jeff nodded, “What's needed to get you guys moved out of there?”


Rayne said, “Not much if someone else is doing it. If it's us, it's going to take a while.”


Jeff asked Rayne, “What kind of car do you want?”


Rayne asked, “Dream car?”


Jeff nodded, “Yeah.”

Rayne gave me a look and I knew he was about to start crying. I said, “Go to the restroom and I'll tell him.”

He took off and I said, “He was about to start crying.”

Jeff said, “OH!”

“He likes to be the tough guy because he doesn't trust. When things happen that something happens good for him, he loses it.”

Jeff gave me a nod, “Ok. I'm glad to know that.”

“He's always been that way. He's had so many dreams dashed because of his family that he doesn't believe in good things happening to him. In regards to the car, he's not a convertible kind of person. For him, it's all big and all luxury. For him, a huge Mercedes, or whatever would be what he'd want.”

“What color?”

“If you asked him, he'll tell you black, but watch him on a car dealer's parking lot and he'll walk to a gold one first.”


He smiled, “You two really know each other, don't you!”

I nodded, “I love him, but not in that way. We tried, but it didn't work.”

“What happened?”


It just felt weird. It was like we were forcing things.” I leaned forward, “Think about this and then, you'll know. If you got into bed with your brother or sister, that'd be how it felt for us.”


OH!”

I nodded, “The familiarity is like that for us. We're each other's family, but we're weirded out when it comes to being in bed together.”


He nodded, “I understand.”

Rayne came out. I asked, “If he gets you a gold Mercedes, are you going to be upset?”


No. Can I get an AMG?”


Jeff said, “Yeah. It might be hard for me to find, but I'll make the call right now.”


I said, “Ask him everything he wants on it. I know he's going to want sunroof and lots of chrome.”


Jeff nodded and made the call. He spoke and said, “Uh, the S Class doesn't come in Gold.”


I asked, “What about a super dark blue?”


Jeff nodded, and started asking questions. By the time they were finished, I was done eating. I had everything put back in the sack and the trash thrown away.


When Jeff rang off, he said, “He's got one out at Palm Springs. He'll have it here tomorrow.”


I said, “Jeff, we're going to need to get license plates and everything.”

He nodded, “I'll have my secretary get all that done for you. Let's get out to the ranch so we can see it and have that as your new address for those.”


I said, “Ok.”


We rode to his office. I moved my scooter around and parked in the private parking area down in the garage. Jeff pointed, “Those two parking spots there will be yours when you are here.”

I said, “Cool!”

He smiled, “I'm grooming you to be an executive here some day. Hopefully, you'll be in my office.”


I nodded and he said, “Follow me out.”

“Ok.”

When he got out, I went around and got in the driver's seat. I got everything adjusted and Rayne asked, “What do you think?”


I think we're doing great. It's a bit hard to believe, but I've already seen a lot and done a lot, so I know it's true.”

“What's the catch?”


We've got to perform. If we don't perform, we're sunk.”

“You need to be there for me.”

“I will.”

We followed him out. When we saw the ranch, he said, “Oh man!”

“That's one of them.”

“I want this one!”

I giggled, “What happened to us living together!”


He smiled, “You can live here!”


I laughed, “We'll see. Mine might be better!”


He laughed, “If it is, I'm saving this one!”

“It's going to take us having a lot of people to take care of it.”

“I'm sure we're making good money off all those horses.”

“If not, the glue factory will!”

He looked shocked, “Don't you even think like that!”


I smiled, “Ok, you feed 'em out of your money! I know it's gotta cost a lot to feed one!”

We parked and got out. Jeff walked over, “This is the smaller ranch. It has the nicest house. The other has lots more land, but the houses are terrible.”

“Oh!”

“All together, you'd have 540 acres. The one with more land has 480 acres. The one with the better house has 60 acres.”


I nodded, “Ok. What about water rights?”


He stared, “I don't know. I'll find out.”

“I don't see a pond one here. If we're paying a water company to water them, that's ridiculous!”

He smiled, “Let me find out!”

“Find out if we can pipe from the ditches to some ponds. Lord knows if it rains, we're going to need to fill some ponds!”


He laughed, “Ok!”

We walked around and looked at it. I pointed, “Rayne, four months out of the year, this grass is going to look dead like this.”

“Ok.”

“We're going to have to replant the grass seed with some good golf course fairway seed. Either that, or we're going to have to check to see what the other one's like and use it for the hay.”

The guy came out and shook our hands, “I heard you've got questions!”

I said, “Yes sir. How much do you have to feed a year?”

“We collect hay from these and feed it later. We're feeding right now.”

I asked, “What kind of grass is this?”


He stared and I said, “We need something which will take a trampling and go through some dry periods. Golf course fairway seed does that.”

He nodded, “We need the nutrition. We've got alfalfa, clover, and rye mix. It's sweet and nutritious.”


I asked, “What about the water?”

He pointed, “We have wells. They're deep and have plenty of water. It's not going dry because we've got underground water down 200 feet which filters in from the ocean. By the time it reaches us, it's fresh and is plenty good.”

I nodded, “Ok. That answers a lot of our questions. Do you have the other ranch too?”


No, but I know all about it.”

“How much can we use for grazing?”


He nodded, “There's a lot of trees. That 480 is 200 in the hills and 280 down here on the flat.”

I nodded, “Ok, That's good if there's no prohibition on building a house up there.”


He nodded, “There isn't. They're afraid you're going to subdivide.”

“Nah, we need the security and the safety of having a lot of distance between us and others.”

He pointed, “My advice is to put up better fencing and go with an inner fence which you can have electric fencing between the two.”


Ok. That sounds good.”

Rayne said, “Let's look at the house!”


We went in and looked at it, and I'll tell you I wasn't happy at all. When we were finished, I looked at Rayne and he wasn't happy either. I said, “Uh, Jeff?”


Yeah?”


Don't waste our time buying this. He's not happy and neither am I.”


He looked shocked, “What's wrong with it!”

I said, “It's wrong for us. It's just not hitting on anything we'd want to live in. The land and the amount of land is great. The house is beautiful from the outside. Whoever did this to the inside ought to have been shot before they touched it.

We'd like to have a place like this, but we want character. With this being monotone gray, it sucks!”

The guy smiled, “We've got a ranch over up in Simi Valley which is beautiful.”

Jeff looked surprised, “Yeah, it's way nicer!”

I smiled, “Ok, let's go see it.”


Jeff asked, “Do you think they'd mind showing it this late?”


The guy waved his hand, “No. Come on!”

We left and it took us an hour to get there. It took 20 minutes to get out to the 405 and then half an hour to get up to the Ronald Reagan and get there.


Rayne asked, “Do you think it's cool driving out this far?”


Yeah. The further your family has to drive, the better off we are.”

He smiled, “Well, they sure won't come this far!”

“Take a look at that, they made this off ramp just for this ranch!”

He laughed, “You know you're rich when!”

We drove up the road. As we drove, I asked, “Do you think all this land goes with it?”


Man, it's a ways back in here, isn't it!”

“It's a nice road, but I'm at ¾ of a mile already!”


We got to a turn around and then, went into the gates. I said, “5/8ths of a mile before you get to the gates!”

He laughed, “Ok. We're on it now!”

We drove up the drive. I said, “Oh man, this place is landscaped nice!”

“Yeah, I was thinking it's pretty fancy!”


I laughed, and we turned the turn to go up to the house. I said, “Oh man!”

He said, “I want it!”

“Me too!”

We got parked and got out. They had it all lit up. Rayne took time getting out and I said, “Rayne, dammit! Get out here and let's go look at it!”

He gave me a look and I nodded, “You can carry a hanky! Jeez, you need to see it!”

“Ok.”

We got him out and went up. I said, “Guys, until we say different, both of us want it.”

Jeff smiled real big, “You've not seen all of it yet!”

I nodded, “We've seen enough. It's gotta unsell us on it!”

We went up the stairs and into the double front doors. When we got inside, the antique tile instantly had me. I pointed, “This is what I'm talking about. This isn't some monotone gray!”

We went on in and everywhere we looked, I was sold. When we got out to the patio, the jacuzzi and the picnic area looked out over the paddocks... Everywhere we looked, it was gorgeous.


We got on a golf cart and took the tour. Jeff asked, “What do you think?”


I hope it can support itself. Lord knows it's going to take a lot to keep it up!”

He nodded, “It will. It sells right at a million worth of electricity a year.”

“Cool!”

The real estate guy said, “The corrals and boarding fees are another million.”

I nodded, “It's beautiful.”

He pointed, “That way to the west about 2 miles is the Ronald Reagan Library on the Reagan... All that back there is federal land.”


Is it a park?”


No.”

“See if they'll sell it. I want it so that no one can buy it and build right up on us.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

I pointed, “Is this ranch all the way out to the Reagan?” (Ronald Reagan Highway)


He nodded, “Yeah.”

“Good! I'm going to see if we can get motion sensors or something down there so that we're given advanced notice that someone's coming.”


Jeff said, “I think we can put a guard house down there.”

We got back to the hill and went to the caretaker's cottage. I motioned, “This place is immense!”

The guy smiled, “Yeah, and I've not heard one worry!”

I pointed, “There's plenty of grass, at least 6 ponds, and water all over the place!”


He nodded, “Yeah. It's a beautiful spread.”

I turned to Jeff, “I'm all for us getting it.”

Jeff nodded, “What do you want different?”


Rayne said, “I want a patio which goes out at least 60 feet. Then, I want it going down levels all the way to the paddocks so that there's party levels and viewing for whatever they've got.”


Jeff gave me a look and said, “That'll be expensive.”

“How much were the two over there combined?”


He gave me a worried look, “Right at $60 million.”

“And how much is this one?”

“$48 million.”

I turned to the realtor, “What's the rock bottom offer they'll take?”


He gave me a smile, “I'm not supposed to go below $33 million.”

I nodded, “See if they'll take $33 million, would you?”


He walked off and Jeff smiled real big at me, “You're fearless!”

“Dude, a fool and his money are soon parted! I just got that $15 million back, so you hand that to us and we'll get the patio built!”

He laughed real loud, “I'd say you can build a patio for $15 million!”

I nodded, “It's going to be concrete... Lots and lots of concrete. I want the walls to look like they're these stones and then, we'll have brick which matches. It's going to take wrought iron railings all along the edges or we're going to have to go with brick with built in planters.”

Rayne said, “That... I want there to be lots of flowers.”


I nodded, “He's spoken, so you know it's going to be nice.”


I motioned out, “I want a pool some place which is good for us year round.”

I turned, “Jeff?”


Yeah?”


Do we own these hills?”


Yeah.”


Good. I want it so this is a paparazzi free zone.”

He nodded, “Ok.”. He gave me a look, “I'm going to ask something, and you let me know what you think of the deal.”

“Ok.”

“You've got 11 condos up that way. There are four houses, and then, there are 8 cottages here besides the manager's and the caretaker's.”

“Yeah...”

“Over the way is a motel put up for guests to stay in when they're having horse shows. Do you think we could lease out the condos and the cottages to other stars?”


Rayne asked, “How much?”


Jeff said, “A fancier hotel charges $1800 a night. I'm thinking if we rent them out like we would houses and offer housekeeping services, we could probably get $40,000 a year out of these easily. That would be $800,000 which could help keep this up.”

I said, “I'll tell you now in front of Rayne and everyone else that I'm all for it with the exception of this... First of all, the main house is off limits unless there's a formal function. It's our house, so no one needs to be walking through unannounced. Second of all, there's enough land here to put up another 30 of those all along the edges. I see it as being a way we can make money, but no one's going to mistreat the staff.”

He nodded, “I agree.”

I pointed, “The main pool building can be where they get mail, and exercise and swim. We can have a gym and a lot of features there which can make it a spa and make everyone happy they're a part of all this out here.

In regards to everything with the horse grounds, unless it's dire that we have functions, I'm not interested in having all that. The way I see it, each function opens this place up and exposes everyone's privacy, so I'm not interested in all that.”


The realtor came walking back. He said, “The least he'll take is $33.995. You pay my commission, and you buy it as is.”

I looked at him, “I'll tell you now that if we buy it as is, he'll be refunding all the fees for all the reservations for all the functions.”

The guy smiled and did you hear that Larry?”


The guys on the phone said, “That's fine.”

I turned to Jeff, “Is that fine with you?”


He nodded, “Yeah. I need to ask you a few questions.”


Sure.”

He motioned to Rayne and we went over to the seating area. When we sat down, he asked Rayne, “I need you two to consider having a helicopter service to come and get you rather than you commuting in.”

I nodded, “Ok.”

He pointed, “Between here and there, it's like a parking lot each morning. If you fly over it, you'll have no delays.”

I nodded, “Ok. We're going to have to have a car there and a car here.”

He motioned, “You're getting all these vehicles here as a part of the buy.”

I nodded, “Ok.”

“I'll pay for your fees to commute.”

“What if we're shooting elsewhere?”


He nodded, “It'll be written into your contracts.”

Rayne nodded, “We need the utilities and everything transferred.”

Jeff nodded, “I'll have my secretary get on it.”


He asked, “Do you guys want to stay here?”


I said, “Our clothes are at the house.”

He nodded and Rayne said, “We're staying here tonight and driving in. We'll make it up early so that we're beating traffic.”


I said, “We'll do that. I don't want you thinking that we're doing this just to be obstinate.”

He shook his head no, “I understand completely. It'll probably be Monday before they can start coming to get you and taking you in to work.”

I nodded, “Ok. I need a script.”


He looked shocked, “Oh man! I'll get it to you tomorrow!”. He looked over at Rayne, “Tomorrow, you're going to test on your voice. Go in when he does and I'll have them test you while they're doing everything for him.”


I nodded, “So I should drive on over there?”


Jeff nodded, “Yeah. There will be a parking spot for you. Ask the guard at the gate to direct you and he will.”. He turned to Rayne, “You have parking spots also. We'll look through the contracts tomorrow and get them finalized.”

I nodded, “Ok.”


He motioned, “We'll get this place bought for you. I'll go ahead and put it in the contract.”


I nodded, “Thanks.”

He nodded, “It's a lot of taxes.”

“I understand. We need to get a mover to move us.”

He nodded, “Let me make a few calls.”

I motioned, “Rayne can be there to meet them.”

He waved his hand, “I'm going to have them there bright and early in the morning. You guys go and get enough to wear for tomorrow and Friday because I'm going to have them park that truck at a truck stop outside of the city here.”

“Why?”


A lot of people who are stalking will follow the truck to where it's going. If it's parked at a truck stop for a couple of days, they give up and don't stick around.
On Monday, they can deliver everything out to the ranch, so you'll be fine. By then, you'll have your Armani clothing, so you'll be fine.”

I nodded, “Good!”


He smiled, “I'm going to try to get Rayne the same contract you've gotten. I'm fairly confident that they'll do it.”

“Great!”

Rayne gave me a look and I said, “We do fashion weeks twice a year in New York, Paris, London, and Madrid. For each fashion week, we're paid $1 million, so there's 8 of those. Then, there's $3 million to wear the clothes the rest of the year.”


Rayne looked surprised, “MAN!”


Jeff laughed, “It's a whale of a deal, isn't it!”


Rayne smiled real big, “Yeah it is!”

Jeff said, “That's a 10 year agreement. They want you looking good and they want you to represent them well.”

I nodded, “We will.”

Rayne nodded, “We sure will!”


Jeff said, “You need to be at the Armani shoppe in Beverly Hills Saturday morning.”

I nodded, “We'll be there. Hopefully, he'll have his car so we can haul everything home in it. If not, we'll have one of the farm trucks.”


Jeff said, “That movie you did is going to be up for Oscar contention. I thought I'd let you know.”


“You know that already?”


I've seen the director's cut. He's got to put the music to it, but it's finished. You did an excellent job.”

“It was a sad part.”

He nodded, “And I think you're going to be in the front of the pack to get that Oscar. I'm also pretty sure you'll get the Golden Globe and the BAFTA if he gets it over there in time.”


Really???”


He nodded, “You need to have your passport.”

I nodded, “I can get it now that I've got these papers.” I motioned, “Rayne will have his real soon also.”

Jeff nodded, “Why don't you two scoot on down there tomorrow afternoon?”


I motioned, “We have to get the photo taken at Walgreens. They're only there certain times.”

Jeff made a face, “Let me get someone at the studio on that for you. They get paid to do errands, so they can be doing that for you.”

I nodded, “You know where we'll be!”


He smiled, “Yeah, I do!”

The realtor came and we signed papers. Jeff got the man paid and wired us money to go on our accounts. He smiled, “There's the money for your patio!”

I nodded, “Thanks Jeff!”

“You'll earn it. I know you will!”

The realtor gave us the keys and said, “In that drawer there are the other keys.”

He walked over and showed us. Then, he shook our hands and he and Jeff left.


When they were gone, Rayne asked, “How do we shut down these lights!”


I smiled, “I don't know. We need to count them and get LED light bulbs ordered.”

He shook his head, “At some point in time, we've got to meet everyone! Aren't you surprised that the manager didn't come and introduce himself?”


No. I imagine there've been so many who've looked at it that the person gave up being excited.”

“What's first on the 'to do' list?”


We need to sit down and talk.”

“Ok.”

We went into the den and sat down. He asked, “What's on your mind?”


Tomorrow, you'll go into the booth with me. The guy's name there is Mark. He's really nice, but he's supposed to be one of the best in the world. Understand that a compliment from the man isn't going to come unless you've earn it.”

“Ok.”

“I want you to hear a song they had me sing.”

“Ok.”

I played it and said, “That's how I got it. Whoever that is singing it is the person who wrote it singing it as a sample.”

“Ok. It sounds plain.”

I sighed, “To me, it sounds like she's listened too much to Nelly. Listen to the rhythms and it sounds like Over and Over Again, and Only Just A Dream.”

“Yeah.”

“That's how they wanted me to sing it. So, here's what I did in three takes.”


We listened and he smiled real big, “That's good!”

“But it's not what I heard all the way. I spoke with Mark and told him, and then, we put it to the rhythms and backgrounds I was hearing. It took a few of those and then, I came to the one it needs.”


I put it on and he looked surprised, “Oh man!”

“They're going to get an orchestra on that and get the music for it. Then, I'll be called back in to record it. What they're going to do is it's going to go on the album both ways.”

“Interesting...”

“What I THINK, is that it's for the movie I'm going to be in.”

“What do you think they'll put me in?”


I'm not sure... What I do know is they're going to have a long term vested interest in us sticking around so they'll put us in their biggest productions.”

“Why?”


We're contract players. They know that we're getting $1 million for the first, $2 million for the second, and so on and so forth. Needless to say, if we're in the good ones early, it's showing that we've got range and a real good desire to be a part of the industry forever.”

He nodded, “Thanks for pulling me up.”

“Like I wouldn't!”

He smiled, “I love you dude!”

“I love you too.”


We went up and went to bed. He took the master bedroom at one end of the hallway and I took the other. In between us, there's 15 bedroom suites.


Friday morning,


When we woke up, it was by my phone. I called him and he said, “I'm up!”

I said, “Ok. I'll meet you in five minutes.”

“Can we get something to eat?”

“As soon as we beat the rush. I promise.”

“Ok.”


I got showered and dressed. In no time at all, I was down at his end of the hallway banging on his door. He opened it smiling, “I'm up!”


Good! Come on!”

He chuckled, “Are we leaving the house wide open?”


No. There's keys.”

We went down and out. I said, “I've got to be in the studio by 7am.”

“Why?”


It's a 16 hour day. He's giving me 30 minutes to learn a song, get it sang, and have all the background vocals done before we move to another.”

“Sixteen hours???”

“33 tracks on 3 albums. I want the first three out of the way.”


MAN!”

“Here's why...” We got into the car and I got it started. We started to drive and I got the vents blowing air.


He said, “Why?”


When you go out on tour, you want music to sing for everyone. That 33 tracks times 3 minutes is 100 minutes. Yes, there might be some longer remixes, but that 100 minutes is what I'm wanting to have for a concert.”

“Ok. Are you selling them there?”


I'm selling the CDs there, but I'm also wanting them available for download. That way, I can tell them at the beginning that if they like a song, it's available for download on their phone. It gives some cash, and it's making it so that we know which ones they like and which ones they didn't.”

“Are you getting any say-so in which songs you pick?”


No. Not for the first three. After the first three, I get to pick.”

“Ooh, that's leaving it up to them.”

“They've got an interest in getting a lot of them sold. We're getting 1,2,3 for the first three. After that, its 4,5,6, and 7,8,9.”

“Are you going to do the albums that way all the time?”


I'm wanting to collaborate with you and make 5 and 10 Greatest Hits. That way, they get the money from 5, but I get the money from the 10th.”

“Good!”

“Don't think we're getting screwed. He's putting us up for executive positions at Monte Vison so that we're around all the time.”

“He says that, but I'm only believing about 1/3
rd what he's promising.”

“He's kept his end so far. I agree with you that I'm anxious to read the contract in detail and making sure we get everything we want.”

“That deal with Armani is sweet.”

“That's making us $100 million dollars over 10 years. Yeah, it's $110 million, but I'm hoping it's going to be so lucrative that we get to stay on.”

“Yeah, that'd be good.”


I know you've wanted to work a catwalk, so that'll be awesome.”

“I want to do a lot of photoshoots.”

“Ok. That'll be fun too.”


I want one with you where we're doing a white shoot with a blue ocean behind us.”

“Let them know that tomorrow. I'll tell them too, but our big day is tomorrow.”

“What's happening?”


Well, we're getting fitted for the clothes. At some point before then, we're getting a color stylist to do our hair and pick what colors are best for us. I imagine she'll have us spray tanned or whatever too.”

He nodded, “A whole lot of good it does when our hair will be colored for three movies a year.”

“Hopefully, they won't. If they do, I'm hoping it's the wash out kind so we can be redone before we leave the set each day.”

“Let's hope.”

We zoomed along and make it to the 405 in no time at all. I got us on it and we hurried along to Tarzana. As soon as we pulled off, I pointed us to Denny's and pulled us in.

I motioned, “Check our accounts to see if our money is on them.”

“Ok.”

He dialed the card center and got the readouts. He smiled, “Yeah, it's there!”

“Good! Now you know it's what we're supposed to be having.”

He smiled bigger, “It's blowing me away I've got that much money to my name!”

“Don't let anyone know. My advice is to get another card or a savings account.”

He nodded, “Remind me to do that in a moment.”

“Ok.”

We went into Denny's and sat down. Real fast, they had our breakfast and we'd eaten. On the way out of the restaurant, he said, “Thanks.”

“No problem. Let's go get you another card.”

“Ok.”

We drove over to Walgreens and went in. He found the Greendot Visa card he wanted and I handed him the other in Mastercard. He gave me a look. I said, “Put $10,000 on each. It's the max you can put on each day.”

“OH!”

“I'm doing the same thing.”


We bought the cards and loaded using our other cards. The woman handled it like it was no big deal. Soon enough, we were out of the store.


When we got into the BMW, I said, “Let's activate them.”

“Ok.”

We activated them and then, gave our address at the house. When we were finished, I said, “Ok. Here's the deal Rayne.”

“Yeah?”


I want those in under the soles of your shoes. If you think they'll be stolen there, put them under the floor mat in your car.”

“Ok.”

“Make sure that wherever they are, you know where they are so that if someone takes your big card, you're not getting your account frozen while you wait for a replacement card.”

“That's smart.”

“My other advice is to use one for online purchases and don't use anything else. That way, if someone wants to steal money, they're not doing it from all of your cards.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

“I'm going to use the card that I've been using. These others are going to be fall back cards to use in emergencies. As long as we keep that minimum balance on them, they won't charge us monthly fees.”

“Good.”

“Print out your monthly statements you get online. After a year, they'll disappear.”

“Really?”


Yeah. I thought I'd save mine and found out that they make them disappear. Fortunately, I printed off the proof that I bought my Scooter using the card before it disappeared.”

“I'll print it off every month.”

“Me too. I'll remind you and you remind me.”

He smiled, “Put it into your phone so it's not forgotten!”

“You'll probably see that I've got a bunch of these cards being used as fallback cards. It makes sense to me to do it that way.”

“Ok. I will also.”

We drove on to the house. The moving truck was there. The guys met us and I said, “We're to get two days worth of clothes, and then, we'll be out of your hair.”


They started packing and we got changes of clothing and dressed. I grabbed my file box and said, “Grab your file box.”

“Why?”


So that if they need copies of your birth certificate for that passport, you've got it!”

“OH! I'm glad you thought of that!”

When we left, we hit traffic. All the way to the studio it was hectic. He said, “Man!”

“I love my scooter because I can zip between cars.”

“I want to get a Harley.”

“Me too. We'll do that when we've got time.”


It doesn't sound like we'll have much time to do anything!”

“We will. It'll be fast and then, it'll slam into park.”


Let's hope. You're forgetting there's going to be choreography practice for the concerts.”

“Yeah, I did... Man!”


He giggled, “It's a good thing, so shut up!”

We scanned in and I led him up to the booth. When we got there, Mark gave me a look, “You're late!”

I looked at the clock and said, “For everything that we've done, I'm surprised we're here this early!”

“When you tell me...”

I stopped and stared at him. He gave me a look and I turned around and walked out. He came out into the hall and yelled, “Where the fuck do you think YOU'RE going!”

I turned around and walked up to him, “Listen up dick breath, you pressure someone else. Until my names on the fuckin' contract, don't you hassle me about a God damned thing!
I'm here. I've driven in, I've eaten breakfast, I've instructed moving people what to do with my house, and I've driven through traffic to be here. All the way, it was decent, so sue me if I'm fourteen minutes late!
When I've got a signature on a contract, you can bitch. Until then, I'm serving gratuitously out of my own time, not yours, not this record company's, and none other than mine... Got that?”


He said, “I gave up my day. The least you could do is be considerate!”

“I have been. I believe you're being paid. Am I? Why don't you go make that call to ask! Then, you tell the man that you jumped my ass for being fourteen fuckin' minutes late and then ask him why I jumped your ass back! When he tells you to get to his fuckin' office, you'll understand that it's all hanging by threads which aren't sewn tight. Until then, kiss my ass and I'll be thankful. If not, I'll go right to his office and we'll see what else changes!”


I pulled my phone and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”


Uh, Mark's going to call you and ask you how kosher it is that I got my ass jumped for being fourteen minutes late to the studio. Then, he's going to tell you that since then, we've argued for 8 fuckin' minutes about his inconsideration and mistaken thoughts as to me not having to put up with a Goddamned thing because I don't have my name on any said contracts!

Until I have my name on a contract, I'm a loose cannon. You let him know that if that's the way he's going to be, I'll step back and start getting severely critical in all things of said contract!”

“Let me call him! He jumped you over 14 minutes!”


“Yeah!”

“Ok. You stick around!”

I rang off and went in the studio. I pointed, “He'll be calling. When he does, I expect a full apology. If it doesn't happen, he and I are going down and hopping on my scooter and heading up the street because no contracts will be signed here!”


His phone rang and Rayne gave me a look. He shook his head, “Man, is he always an asshole?”


He wasn't yesterday, but I think he's putting the cart before the horse in thinking that I'll jump through his fuckin' hoops! If he wants to be a bitch, I'll remind him of this fuck up the rest of my life!”

He nodded, “Yeah. My advice is to get the biggest watch you can and show him every time he's wasting time!”


Mark rang off and said, “He's on his way down.”

I nodded, “I'll wait for the apology. You remember that we've got 9 albums where I can turn that 14 minutes into the biggest source of the pains in your ass. Waste a fuckin' second with me in the future without an apology and guess how far I'll be up your ass and how fast! Ass chewings are a two way street. If you think that they're not, try not giving me the apology I deserve and you'll see...”

He got up and walked out of the booth. Rayne asked, “Ready to take this show on the road and go elsewhere?”


No. He's running from the bullshit tsunami he started. I want to be here when he's neck deep in the shit and I'm refusing to share the life preserver!”

He laughed, “Come in here and let's get to practicing. I want us seen as being ready and doing our job while he was wasting our time. And yes, he's wasted 19 minutes for you being 14 minutes late.”


I giggled, “By the time Jeff gets here, we'll have how long it has been and we'll quote what it is. Then, he can see petty shit got slung back!”

I went in and waved my phone in front of the computer. It caught my Bluetooth and pulled up my song list. I went in and we started singing with the instrumentals.


When Jeff walked in, he was followed by Mark. He got on the mic, “Today's canceled.”

I nodded, “Take a look at that clock. The time wasted after 7:14 has been his... If he wants to point fingers, he needs to take a serious look at what he's done because you don't have Rayne signed to a thing... And yes, he's wanted to walk and shop us around to other companies, but I told him we'd wait for the explosion.”

I shook my head, “Now today's a wash out... He...”

In the speakers, Kylie's 'On A Night Like This' started. I started singing and Rayne stepped up. He took the harmony and we sang...


I saw Jeff start working real fast and pointing. He had Mark working. Rayne nudged me and I shook my head. We kept up with the parts side by side with Rayne doing the highs and me doing the electo voice.

We interwove our voices. He'd take a high and then I would. When we both went up, I'd do harmony for his or he'd do harmony for mine.

At the end, the beats for 'All of Me' (John Legend – Tiesto Remix). We went into it with full harmony with him singing main and me singing all the background harmonics.


When it finished, I said to Rayne, “I guess that's it for today. We've had our Mark's head enemas and no apologies, so we're ready to get the scooter and get the hell out of here.”


We went out and Jeff said, “Mark...”

Mark said, “Guys, I owe you a huge apology!”

I arched my brow, “The next fuckin' time you want to waste my time giving me an ass chewing for petty bullshit, you remember you wasted far more of MY precious fuckin' time than we did of yours!

I'm sure there's going to be a lot of times we waste each others' time, but I promise you I'll keep it to a minimum if you keep a civil tone and tongue in your head!

Now, you realize one thing... Without the ink on the contract, we were able to walk. Jeff would've ate damned near $50 million on a house, but hey... I hope that would've came out of your ass because I promise you that the $110 million each for the Armani contracts would've paid for it because the second I walked here, I'd walked in there and we'd made the money.

Like it or not, we've got the ability to make money. We don't need you.”


Jeff said, “You sure as hell have got that right!”


I sighed, “Mark, I'm not going to beat you like a bad dog. You've apologized, and I hope we get through this. If we don't, I'll make the call and Jeff will be told I can't work with you.”

Rayne said, “Nor can I!”


I looked over at Jeff, “Today, our names don't go on contracts. If we work with him, it's contingent to us putting it in the computer. If it doesn't happen, we walk.

When we're finished tonight, I'll sit with you and will negotiate the contract. I want you seeing what we have and what I've got for the first three albums. If I'm happy, great. If you're happy, great. If not, we'll discuss whether we can work together.

If that sounds like I'm carrying a grudge, I am. It means that he thought ink was on paper, so the asshole could come out. If he's the best you've got, and it's all asshole, what does that say about the company you run?”


Jeff nodded. I could tell he was pissed, but I said, “Jeff, think about this... If you think that I would've given 100% when he was working down the street somewhere else, you can best bet that I'd been looking for the loophole in the contract which made it possible for me to walk.

That's how much of a bitch I can be he's been told to keep it in check until ink hits paper. And that's the bitch I can roll out should the asshole roll back out of him.”


Jeff said, “It won't. The next time it happens, you point and tell HIM he's fired!”

I nodded, “Ok. Let's get to work. Enough fuckin' time has been wasted. I've yet to hear what he's got for us and I want to get to work.”


Jeff nodded, “He needs to test Rayne. We've already got a really good idea, but we need to get him singularly.”

I nodded, “Rayne, head on in.”

He went in and Mark said, “Wave your phone and you'll hear what I've pulled up on the computer for you.”

I nodded, “Ok. How many do you have pulled up?”


There's 70 in there for you to decide.”

“Ok.”


Jeff asked, “Can I leave you two alone in a room together and have it standing until I get back?”


I nodded, “I really wish we had two studios. I could be in working while he's working with him.”

Mark turned, “Come with me. We've got the big studio open today.”


I nodded, “Ok. I'll go in there and work. It's nothing personal.”

He nodded, “I know.”

Jeff gave a smirk and said, “I'll go in with you!”

We went into the big studio. The power got kicked on and I waved my phone at the computer. Jeff smiled, “You did decent. I'm glad you went back at him because he was testing you. You passed to the point I think he's worried he's fucked up severely!”


I nodded, “Jeff, if I have to be all about the business, I'll be all about the business.”

“You don't. He was upset that you were late on the first day and thought that you were setting precedent which was bad.”

“Well, he slapped the fuck out of the piss off button until it was on tilt.”

He smiled, “I know! When I got the call, I was like, “Oh man!”. He turned and pointed, “You and him together are amazing.”


I want us to have a collaborative effort, but not until we've got the first three out of the way.”

He nodded, “Can it be #4?”


Yeah because I want #5 to be your Greatest Hits album. I'm reserving my Greatest Hits album as my 10th album. That way, you get four and I get four along with the collaborative album.

If it's not possible for me to have a 10th album here, it will be elsewhere.”

He gave me a look, “Hey, I'm not the enemy here!”

“I know, but you need to understand that there's a whole lot of distrust. So far, you've passed with flying colors, but HE pulled up a whole lot of insecurities.”

He closed his eyes, “I know.”

“And if you don't think I just put my name on the producer of these three albums by moving in here, you don't know I'll wedge in on that fucker until he doesn't know what direction I'll hit him!”

He smiled real big, “Good!”


I nodded, “I don't want you thinking it's all about the edge, but it had to become that way.”


He nodded, “I understand. And you don't know how fast I was to the point of having him out of here!”


Ok. Let's get me to working on this.”

He patted my shoulder, “Don't hesitate to call me, but you point and tell him he's fired if you have to go that far.”

“Ok.”

He left and I got the room ready for playback. As soon as I was comfortable, I went in and started laying tracks.


I got eleven tracks finished when I came to one which was terrible. The lyrics were good, but the music to it was terrible. I went out and was putting it onto the next when it hit me that I could go in and put the music on with me keeping it without music and just doing beat box.


I went in and had a really good rhythm going when I saw them come in. I went in and Mark asked, “Why weren't you using the music?”


It sucks. I couldn't figure out how to put it in.”

“There's a demo of it!”

“Not on that music there isn't!”


I put it on and he shook his head, “That's not the music for that!”

I nodded, “Well, that's why it didn't fit!”


He smiled, “Ok. You weren't off that far.”


Let's hear.”


He put on the music and I listened. I pointed, “I like it but I like the way I did that phrasing.”


He put on mine and listened, “I like it better. Let's get them to redo the music on that one.”


I pointed, “On that one, I want Angelique Kidjo to do the vocals with me.”

He gave me a look, “Who's she?”


An African singer who is awesome.”

He pulled her up and and listened. I said, “Go to 'Batonga'.”

“Ok.”

He went down and Rayne started getting into it. He started singing with me and Mark pointed, “Have him do the vocals on that!”

I pointed, “Rayne, would you give that song the treatment?”


He nodded, “Ok.”, and went into the booth. Mark asked, “You've already got these 11 finished?”


Yeah. I'm putting me on that producer credit for it. You can be on it too, but I'm taking credit for what work I've done.”


He gave me a stare and I shrugged, “Or, we can take credit for it and you can consider none your input.”

He said, “I wish we could start over. I don't want everything to be a headache.”

“It's going to take time. Believe it or not, I was all set for a great day. Then, I walked in and had a bucket of piss-off poured into the mix!” I stared, “I understand that you were worried about this being a precedent, but I'll tell you that the results you got were a helluva lot more lethal.

I'll tell you that you didn't want to let the bitch out of her cage. You didn't just open the cage, you rattled the shit out of it before you did. And for a fuckin' test??? I wonder how many more you've pissed off before you set to work with them and I wonder what those results were!

When it comes to my future, I'll never be lax. I'll get to business and seriousness in a heartbeat and I'll keep it there for as long as it takes. You should've known it was the bitch who'd bite you back when I started figuring out how I'd let you know every fuckin' second you'd be told that you were wasting my time some more.” I nodded, “He told me to get the biggest watch that could be found and wear in when I'm in the studio so that I could point at it and let you know that you were wasting my time every damned day we had to be around each other.”

He nodded, “I apologize, but I wonder if you know how to forgive!”

“I do, but forget??? That takes some time.”


He nodded, “Ok. Let's move on.”. He pointed, “Would you go in there and work with him? He works best when he's working off you.”

“Ok. Let it end and we'll have me go in.”


I pointed, “I like this studio better. I don't know why, but I think it's because it's bigger and it's more inviting with those sofas and everything in there.”

“A lot of people like it because of the stage.”

“Yeah. I like it because I can grab the microphone and feel like I'm singing live.”


He nodded, “I want a progression of your work. Your voice is going to mature and change somewhat. It's going to get deeper, and it's going to progress as you sing more. You'll have a raspiness to it eventually.”


I nodded and the song ended. I waved and went in. Rayne and I began singing it again. He worked off me and we got through the song. At the end, he said, “Man, that was good!”

Mark said, “Do it again. This time, don't make it like it's a baboon in heat!”


I pointed, “You're done here.”


I pulled my phone and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”


Get security here and escort him from the building. If he doesn't go, I promise you I'll be taking this tape to the press and will ruin the motherfucker's career.”

“I'm on it!”

“Me singing will never be a baboon in heat! Him getting his ass beat will!”


Oh my GOD!”


And yes, I've got that on my recording as well as with Rayne witnessing.”


I want a copy of that!”

Rayne took my phone and said, “Jeff, he's not leaving. If I have to go in there and physically throw him out, he'll be away from us!”

I heard Jeff say, “I'm on my way!”

Rayne handed back the phone and I said, “He's not leaving. I'm not sure what he's doing, but he's messing with the controls.”

“Oh my God, he's erasing everything!”

“I've got it backed up digitally on my phone. Charge him with tampering and deliberately destroying property.”


I've got security on it's way.”

Rayne took off and I rang off and threw my phone onto the sofa. I ran and followed. Rayne grabbed him and put him in a full nelson. Mark yelled and tried to start kicking at me. I threw a punch to his balls and he went fetal.

I said, “Keep hold of him.” and tied his shoe laces together.

Mark started yelling, “There's no fuckin' way you're keeping jobs here now!”


I backhanded him, “Baboon in heat??? Are you aware how many people will be down on you as a racist with that comment???”


He said, “You sing like you're trying to fuck up on each other!”


Rayne said, “And you couldn't hold a tune if it were tattoo'd on your forehead!”


I stood up and said, “Roll him over.”


Rayne gave me a look and I said, “We'll sit on him and wait for security to get here.”


Rayne flipped him and dropped him on the floor. We both got sat and waited. Rayne said, “Are you sure you've got it backed up?”


I've got everything except this version backed up. I have it on my phone, so there is proof he said what he said.”

“Good.”


He gave me a look, “I'm done fuckin' with people here. This is ridiculous!”

“I'll produce you. Don't worry.”


He nodded, “We need to get Janelle in too.”

“I was thinking about that.”


Security came running in and came into the office. Mark yelled and I said, “He's been fired. He's destroyed what recordings we had worked on this morning.”


The security guy said, “What's going on?”


I said, “He's been fired. Jeff's on his way... When he heard the recording we've got in which he's describing my singing like it's a baboon in heat, he's going to explode!”

The guard looked shocked, “Oh man!”

I nodded, “You might detain him. I know the amount of recordings he destroyed in that system are enough for them to be a felony.”


He got zip ties on Mark's wrists and around his ankles. He looked at us, “That was pretty smart on tying his shoes together.”

“He was kicking at us. I punched him in the nuts and did them while he was curled up.”

He smiled and said, “That would do it!”


Jeff came in and gave us a look, “Are you two ok?”


Yeah.”


He went over to the console and looked at the computer. He punched in some things and asked, “I hope you've got it saved because he erased everything.”


I've got everything up to the last one. I've also go it where he made that comment.”


I went in and got my phone. When I pressed play, I got it forwarded to the last of the song and Mark's comment. Jeff looked shocked and the guards looked like they were ready to burst out laughing.


Mark said, “Fuckin' rubbin' up on each other in there while they're recording!”


Jeff said to the guards, “Get him out of here. I'll have the police here momentarily to make their arrest.”


I waved my phone and the computer saw it and took everything back in. I said, “We're back in business. He needs to learn I can run him all over that computer system!”

Jeff asked, “Can you save and store what he's got in his files?”


Yeah.”

He nodded, “Do it. I'm afraid that if he got in them, we'd have a bunch of people's work destroyed!”

Rayne said, “Delete his user account so that it can't be entered!”

I said, “Guys, get him out of here. He's fired. While you're at it, take his employee identification and everything which belongs to Monte Vison.”

Jeff nodded and they got him removed. Rayne sat at the computer and said, “You gave permission, so I'm doing it.”. He got into the system and got to the administrator log in. He looked up, “Jeff, use your log in and your password right there.”

Jeff said, “No. You guys use yours. You obviously know what you're doing! I've never seen that stuff before in my life!”

I said, “It's into the computer where you go and program the entry and everything.”


Jeff smiled, “Do they teach that in school now?”


I looked at Rayne and Rayne said, “No, but you can learn it if you want to learn how to hack the system!”

Jeff smiled, “What does that do?”


I said, “It makes your grades good.”

Jeff laughed, “Man! I wish they had that when I was in school!”

I nodded, “Either you learn it, or you pay someone to do it for you. A lot of people pay others to do it for them.”


Jeff asked, “And no one catches on?”


I said, “A lot of people and companies don't protect their systems like they need to do. Needless to say, it's vulnerable to being hacked here.”


Jeff said, “Protect that!”

I nodded, “Rayne will.”


Jeff gave me a look, “I'm glad you backed everything up!”

I nodded, “I had the original music on here from when I took it and brought it over. Then, I saved everything so that if needed, I could move it back over to the other computer.”

“How much did you get done?”


I've got the first album finished. He came in and got pissed because he'd done nothing. Then, we started working on a song which he had mislabeled in regards to the master music.

Rather than trying to find what I didn't know was there, I made up beat box and he said he'd have the musicians change the music to fit the way I did it.

After that, we got to recording this song and we had Rayne do vocals. I went in to help and afterward, that's when the comment got made.”


Jeff shook his head, “I want a copy of that.”

I nodded, “Ok.”

He gave me a look, “He didn't help at all with production?”


No. He found this music, but that's it. I did the rest.”


Rayne asked, “Did he erase my work?”


I shook my head no, “No. All I had in here was mine. He couldn't get into that computer over there from here.”

Rayne nodded, “I could, but he probably couldn't.”

Jeff asked, “Are you two ok to continue? I want to get a statement made to the police.”

Rayne said, “Here's what you need.”. He pulled up the video and pointed, “That's that recording head here. There's sound and everything.”


Jeff looked surprised, “Can you get that for everything?”


I said, “Probably. If it's saved in a computer somewhere, it can be gotten.”


Jeff asked, “How do you find out?”


Rayne pointed, “That's the master log. Each time the system records another day, it's put onto some master server somewhere and stored. There's recordings all the way back to when it was installed.”

Jeff looked skyward, “Do you realize you have the ability to make your weight in gold by getting me things? I've got people who are dead who worked on things in this building which there's nothing left of those sessions.”

I said, “Get him the date and we can pull up what's in the system.”

He said, “I'll do that!... It's not stored by their name?”


I said, “No. It'd be by the date... Even then, it's going to have all the different recordings from all the surveillance cameras. The only way it won't have something is if one isn't operational.”


Rayne said, “Get us a date and we'll get those records. It'll probably take some editing, but we'll have some sort've version.”


Jeff said, “I'll get on that. It's going to take me some time to get what dates, but I'll have them.”

I put my hand upon his arm, “First of all, we need permission to get into the system. Second of all, let us have permission to get into it remotely and we'll log everything by the star's name if we know who that person is.”


He nodded, “You've got it. I'm stunned because you've got a gold mine at your fingertips.”

“We want production credits for what we're able to get. I know we weren't in the booth at that time, but it's our work which is getting everything pulled.”

He nodded, “Of course! You don't realize how much of a service you're doing here!”

I nodded, and did a search on my phone. I said, “I can't tell if there are missing tapes.”


Jeff smiled, “We're going to work through those.”

Rayne sounded perplexed, “Uh Jeff?”

Jeff said, “Yeah?”


Rayne said, “Can I copy this over and work on it. There's some really old dates on here.”

Jeff said, “Sure. That's probably from the old building out on Wilshire.”


I said, “Oh! Elvis recorded out there!”

Jeff smiled real big, “Yeah. We can probably release those studio recordings.”


I nodded, “That'd be cool. I was looking at the possibility of some of the dead rap stars.”

Jeff nodded, “A lot of dead stars. You'd be amazed, but dead grunge and metal stars' recordings will sell better. If we could find some Grateful Dead, we'd all be happy!”

I nodded, “That'd be cool!”

He took a deep breath, “Guys, let me say something... and this is between us.”

“Ok.” Rayne and I turned to look at him


He said, “No one knows we've got the ability to pull up these recordings. I want us to be able to clean them up and have them as good as the masters or whatever, but I want us being able to sell them.
IF we can, I'd love to have video along with the recording so it's proven we got them from those recordings. AND, I want to have a mini-documentary showing how you guys found them and that you asked and received permission to go in and collect everything from the surveillance.

What I'll say is that I thought you were going for some still photos and gave complete permission to obtain everything digitally from them that you could. That will have me handing you ownership of those over, and it'll be a way for you two to make gobs of money.”

I nodded, “Ok. We need that in a contract. You absolve us and we'll get you content.”

Rayne asked, “Why do it that way?”


I said, “Rayne, think of it this way... IF he says he got it from the surveillance, he's going to have everyone and their dogs in begging to go through those archives. IF he says he gave us exclusive permission, we're the brilliant ones and it has everything we pull making us money.

Whereas one doesn't earn us a thing, the other gives us exclusive rights and allows us to make the money.”

Rayne smiled real big, “You two are slick!”


Jeff said, “Rightfully, Monte Vison owns everything. And rightfully, we could make the money and it'd be seen as taking advantage of the families. If you two are seen as outsmarting me and getting it so that you've got everything and can make that offer to the families, that'd be great.”

I nodded, “We will, but we're going to do it ONLY if it's released commercially. I won't go into negotiations with anyone who won't release what we've got.”

Jeff smiled real big, “Now you know why I don't want to bother with it!”


Rayne asked, “They wouldn't release them?”


I said, “Rayne, here's why... Sometimes, when a group's other members are still trying to put out a product, they won't release them because it's seen as being in competition with themselves. (Black Sabbath)

What they don't realize is that new product could possibly stimulate new interest which will increase their current sales, but then again, that same new interest might show there's no interest and put the final nail in the coffin.”


Oh!”

Jeff giggled, “I don't like being in on those decisions.”

I nodded, “Leave it to me. It's easy to be in on a decision if you've got facts and figures. Then, you can show them the numbers and tell them it's not viable to put the money into it.”

He said, “Then, they say they've sold x amount of records and quote you dollars they've made for the company.”


That's when I point at my balance sheet and say, “Yes, you have, but I'm not seeing it on these figures. The figures which matter are these. If you've not put money into the coffers in the past 3 years, you're just as good as being gone to me.”

He looked surprised and I nodded, “Facts and figures. A lot of people put a lot of their emotions, or implied emotions into decisions. I'll tell you that when you cut the emotions out, you have a lot better perspective for those decisions.”

I motioned, “Now, is this gambling and hoping that we get something? Yeah. It's nostalgia and it's playing into hopes for a lot of different things.

What I'll tell you is this... I'm going to get you to sign a contract for us to have these images and then, I'm going to look and see what we've got. If we've got enough for albums, great. If we don't, I'm going to compile them by years and send them to you as boxed sets and let you decide if we can put them out in that manner.
Can you do that? Yes. There's all sorts of proof you can when you sell the rights to compilation companies which makes NOW and Time Life and other versions.”

He smiled real big, “Get me that!”

I nodded, “We'll work on it. I'm telling you it won't be fast, but we'll have something soon.”

He nodded, “I understand.”

Rayne asked, “If you have any log sheets, it'd be helpful.”


Jeff nodded, “I'll see what I can find.”

I said, “It's probably been thrown away. It stinks because it'd be really helpful to have those sign in sheets as a way of having album art.”

Jeff smiled real big, “Yeah, that'd be cool!”

I said, “Guys, I need to get back to work.”

I turned to Jeff, “Give me a few more hours and I'll have enough for three albums.”

He looked surprised, “Really?”


I nodded, “I put this together in a little bit over an hour.”

He smiled real big, “Ok!”

Rayne asked, “What do you need me to do?”


Jeff said, “Come with me.”

I asked, “Find out when our stylist will be here?”

Jeff nodded, “Ok.”

I got the next song cued and went into the booth. It played and I listened. When I thought I had a grasp of it, I began singing the song, and got into processing the next 40 songs.


In two hours, Rayne came in. He gave me a look and I asked, “What's going on?”


Nothing. I need a computer to do that.”

“Ok. Let's get you one.”

“Do we have internet out there at that house?”


Yeah. I found it on my phone!”

He smiled, “Good!”

I dialed Jeff, “Hello?”

“Listen, I'm done here if there's nothing else to sing. Rayne needs his car and we have to get him a computer.”


What kind?”


It really needs to be a server. We're going to work with your server and get things offloaded onto it.”

“Buy whatever you need. I'll get you reimbursed for it.”

“Ok. It's going to be expensive.”

“How expensive?”


I'm not sure, but a top of the line Sun costs $250,000. If he gets what he needs, it's going to be really good because we need to put it through filters and get it converted over from mono to stereo.

All that takes computing power, and all that takes storage. We've got to store it and we've got to pull it off and work with it.”


Ok. I could get you our guy if you're interested.”


Sure.”

“In regards to the car, I'll get him called. He said it would be here, so it should.”

“Thanks Jeff.”

“It's not a problem. I've got legal on getting me that contract.”


Wonderful. Now what about our singing and acting contracts?”


They're here.”

“Good! I'll get us over there.”


Wait a moment and I'll see if that car is ready.”

“Ok.”


I rang off and Rayne smiled at me, “You're braver than me when it comes to talking about that kind of stuff!”

“It's been promised and needs to be delivered.”

A girl walked in and I asked, “May we help you?”


I'm looking for...” She looked at her paper, “A Mojave Marshal and Rayne Peters.”


I'm Mojave, and he's Rayne.”

She smiled, “Wonderful! I'm Erica, your stylist!”

I said, “You're going to have to ride with us. They expected me to take 16 hours and it only took me about 7. Needless to say, I've got to go to the main office as does he.”


She nodded, “Ok!”

Rayne said, “When we get to the office, you can park and ride with us if needed.”

She nodded, “Ok. I've got a makeup room at the main studio if you'd like to go there.”

I said, “Ok, but he's about to get called to go get his Mercedes. Other than that, we're working on getting some things out of the computer and need to speak with their computer man.”

I turned to Rayne, “Find out what you need in computers?”

He nodded, “I'm going to see if we can take a server down and copy directly from their drives at the farm, wherever it is.”

“Ok.”

“It's going to take a lot of disc space. Wherever it is, it's got to be a huge farm.”

I nodded, “Unless they've gotten rid of it.”

“No, I'm seeing it!”

“Ok. I'm glad you're seeing it.”


She smiled, “What's first?”


I turned, “He and I need to go sign contracts. You can go with us and then, I can get in your chair while he does everything he needs. When he's finished, he'll get into the chair and we'll be ready for all that.”

I turned, “Is that ok with you?”


He nodded, “Just remember that they're supposed to do the paperwork for our license plates and the signing over of the house.”

“Ok.”

I turned, and asked, “Are you going to be our stylist for always?”


She nodded, “If you want me to...”

I nodded, “Yeah, but here's the deal...” I paused, “Give me a moment.”

I dialed Jeff, “Hello?”

“I know I'm bugging the hell out of you, but I need to ask if you got that helicopter service.”

“Yes. Each of you are going to have your own services.”

“Ok. With that learned, I need to know if our stylist can set up out at the ranch?”


Yeah, if she's willing to do that!”

“I'll get things made accessible for her. I'm not sure what it'll take, but I'm sure we've got a space someplace for her to work.”


If you don't, get one built and we'll cover it.”

“Jeff, I do know we're going to have need for an architect. You have more pull than me, so I was wondering if you could find us one which would be real good.”

“For those cottages, or what?”


We're wanting an aquatic center with a built in tennis facility and spa. I want us having a gym with weights, a cardio room, and some rooms for different activities.”

“Oh! I imagine he'd have something like that drawn up.”

“That's what I'm hoping.”

“What about the cottages?”


I want them like the little ones we've got. Those are 2 and 3 bedroom units, but they're small the way I think they should be. With the adobe, they look like they fit.”


I agree. I'll see if they have something which would work real fast.”

“Ok.”


You might think about having a manufactured home place build them! They could do them so that when they arrive on the site, they could have adobe put on.”

“Are those built well?”


Yes.”

“We'll have to look and see!”

I rang off and said to her, “Here's the deal. He said if you'll agree, we can have you come out to the house and work on us in the mornings. I understand it's going to take a while because we have to build a facility for you to work, but it's going to tell you what we've got and will give you a real good idea on how to handle everything with all the stars out at our little village.”


“Where's this?”


I looked at Rayne, “What's the name of our ranch?”


Rayne smiled, “Rancho Mora.”


I asked, “We need to see if there's one.”

He nodded and said, “Let me look!”

“If there's one, I hope it isn't big because we might need to buy it!”

He made a face, “Santa Ynez. It's on a road called Mora Road.”

“Really?”


He smiled, “Yeah, it looks like a highway. It has paint on it like a highway.”

“We'll have to drive up there!”

He laughed, “Sure! I'll get with you on my schedule and we'll see what month!”

We all laughed and she said, “That was funny!”

I said, “Well, we could fly up with the helicopter since both of us are getting one each!”

He looked surprised, “That's cool!”

“I thought so!”

She said, “So I'd fly to your ranch and work on you?”


Yeah. You could fly back with us, but we'd have time to work out and swim in the morning and then, have you work on us. That way, when we go to the set or wherever, we could...”

I turned to Rayne, “Tell him we need scripts!”

He smiled, “Ok! You're going to have to get an assistant soon!”


So are you. Then your people can get with my people!”

He laughed and I really smiled. He said, “Thank God we've got that big house!”

“Yeah! We'll have it filled!”

I turned, “If you need a place to stay, we've got space in the main house. There's 15 bedrooms which are smaller suites besides ours.”

She nodded, “Really?”


He waved his hand, “If you saw the place, you'd think they wanted everyone around. There's a motel down the way which isn't a motel but 72 extra suites done up as a motel. Then, there are houses, condos, cottages, caretaker's cottages, and the main house. All in all, there's probably enough beds to start a huge resort.”


She smiled, “What is it called now?”

I shrugged, “It's out in the Simi Valley. It's a huge horse ranch.”


She nodded, “I've been there before! It's beautiful!”

“We bought it last night.”


She smiled bigger, “Lucky you!”

“It's going to take an army of people to operate it. Lord knows if I had to dust it, it'd take all week to get through everything!”

Rayne laughed, “You dust!!!”

I smiled and laughed, “It sounded good dammit!”


We laughed and she really giggled, “I take it you don't clean?”


I waved my hand, “When we moved things into my house, I told him to clean up his own mess because I was a big enough slob! Needless to say, he's been doing good and I've been doing terrible! He gets on me all the time and I have to go clean up my messes!”


Rayne said, “He's terrible about cooking a pizza and leaving the box laying on the counter and then taking the circle it came on and cutting it and taking it in and eating off it. Then, when the circle is done, he uses it as a doily for all his glassware he hauls in!”


I said, “It works good! About the time he commences to yelling about the box on the counter, the circle is covered with glasses and needs emptied anyway, so I go take care of it!”


She laughed, “You two sound like my brothers! One is clean, the other is messy!”

I asked, “Are they gay?”

She gave me a look, “Aren't you two together?”

“NO! We're super best friends, but that's it. They're going to spin it so that it's looking like we're a gay couple, but you know the truth.”

She looked surprised, “Are you ok with that?”


Rayne said, “Yeah. It's only for so long before we find someone else. When we do, we'll break it apart and will say we're good friends and have decided to go our own separate ways.”

She nodded, “That would be weird for me.”

I dismissively said, “It's the Justin and Selena relationship done up gay.”

She smiled, “OH!”

I looked at Rayne, “We're as close as brothers. Whoever he gets had better be good to him, or I'll step in and show them what I think of it. I'm sure he'd do the same for me, so it has to work.”


She nodded, “My brothers are straight.”

I nodded, “Then there's still hope.”


She smiled real big and Rayne really laughed. My phone rang and I saw it was Jeff, “Hello?”


The car is ready. They're going to deliver it over here.”

“Ok. Good. He's got to talk with your computer guy... Now, is it going to be ok if we go to where the computers are and download right there?”


It should be. I don't know where they're located, but I'll find out.”


Good. It will help us get that faster.”

“Do you think they could download it to DVD for you?”


Uh, no. You're not realizing how much space it's taking right now.”

“Really?”

“Each hour is probably a gigabyte of storage. Each day is 24 gigabytes and each week is a 168, so each year is 52 times that.”


Rayne said, “There's 24 years. It started in 1990.”

Jeff said, “OH!”

Rayne said, “They've digitized the files prior to that. I've found their archives on that server, so I can do that different.”

Jeff sounded shocked, “REALLY!”

I said, “Yeah, but it doesn't sound like it's video. It sounds like they took masters and put them into the computer.”

“OH MAN! I want those!”

Rayne smiled real big at me and I winked. I said, “Ok. We'll get those for you. It's going to take a little bit to get them on over to data disc, but you'll have them.”


I'll pay for those too. I know it makes no sense, but I didn't know we had them!”

“We'll get them for you.”


I rang off and shook my head. I turned to Erica, “Whatever you hear with us stays with us. Ok?”


She nodded, “Sure hon.”

I said, “The man is paying us to do for him what is already done. You know that if we can get to those files in this computer, he can get to them in his computer or any computer in the place.”


Rayne said, “As long as you've got a passcode. It takes that.”


I nodded, “Which I don't have.”

Rayne said, “You've got one!”

“I do???”


He nodded, “I made you one!”

“Ok. Thanks!”

He nodded, “You've been working on your file in your file already!”

“Cool!”

“It's given a password which is all your passwords for everything already. All you have to do is use your entry passcode and then, get in to the file feature. Then, you get to the file feature and click on it. When it opens, it wants a password which you already know.”

“OK. Good!”

I swiped my phone at the computer and took my files. He looked shocked, “I hope those are copies!”

“Yeah. I'm not letting anyone have those! We don't even have a contract yet!”

Erica looked shocked, “You don't!”

I rolled my eyes, “We get that when we get over there. It's been a real mess today.”

We went out and I said, “We'll meet you over at the main office. Then, we'll go to the studio.”

She nodded, “Ok. I'll meet you at the studio. Just ask for me!”

I nodded, “Ok!”

When Rayne and I got in the car, I turned on the air conditioning and he said, “She's a plant. She'll tell him everything she hears.”

“I saw her eyes. I think you're right.”


We drove over and parked. I saw the Mercedes and said, “There it is Buddy!”

He ran over and looked and promptly set off the alarm. I dialed Jeff, “Hello!”

“He set off the alarm. Could you bring the keys!”

He laughed, “Ok!”

The entire time the horn was blasting and the two alarms were doing their different welps and noises. A guard came and I said, “Jeff's on his way. It's his car there, but Jeff has the keys.”


The guy said, “Oh ok! I've been told about you guys already!”

I nodded, “That's Rayne's parking spot and he's Rayne. I'm Mojave, and I park here.”

The guys smiled, “I like your names.”

“They're not made up. I've lived with this for all my life. His parents made him live with Rayne all his life.”


He smiled, “That's cool.”

Jeff came running and hit the fob. As soon as he did, the car did a beep of the horn and went silent. Jeff went around and handed Rayne his keys and said, “I suppose this extra set goes to Mo'?”


Rayne nodded, “Yeah, I got his, so he gets mine.”

I said, “We've already agreed that when he wants to drive mine, he can. And when I want to drive his, I can.”


Jeff motioned, “Go drive it!”

I said, “I want to do the contracts. Rayne and I can go later.”

Rayne said, “I'm going to go drive it. I'll be back.”

Jeff said, “The license and paperwork will be done here real shortly.”

I said, “Ray', if I'm not here, I'll be over with Erica.”

“Ok!”


I went in and Jeff said, “Come on up and we'll get on that.”


We went up to his office. On the way back to the corner, he pointed, “This is your office. That there is his.”

“Ok. I'll have to show him. Thanks for thinking of us!”

“I had to give you these. There's no window offices available.”

I nodded, “That's ok. I'll be fine with it.”


He motioned, “There's a secretary and you have her to answer fan mail and all that.”

“Thanks.”

He motioned, “Let's go to my office.”


We went and sat down. He said, “These are your contracts. I know we've got to negotiate on some things, but look them over and see what you think.”

I started reading and asked, “Can I take these to my office? I'm sure you don't need me wasting your time.”

“I'm fine. I want to know if you're happy.”

“So far. I'll read and let you know.”

He called in a runner and said, “Get him something to drink.”

I said, “7-Up. If it's not a 20oz, get me two.”

She nodded, “I'll have that momentarily.”

She went out and he asked, “Hungry?”


Not yet. We had Denny's for breakfast, so we're pretty good.”


He smiled, “I remember those days.”


I pointed, “Here's a problem.”

He asked, “What page?”

“Page 4...”

We negotiated the contracts and he said, “Can I hear your music?”


I nodded, “Sure. I don't have it on disc, but I do in the file.”


I went around and pulled it up. He asked, “How'd you do that!”

“All you have to do is sign in with your passcode. After that, the files are protected with passwords. Yours should work.”

“Neat!”

“We're getting everything for you on data disc, but you could've been in those files all along.”

He looked shocked and pointed, “They're on this computer???”


Yeah.”

“Show me!”

I pointed and pulled up the file storage system. As soon as I did, I said, “You need to get this protected if Mark's no longer allowed in them. He could steal them, or he could maliciously go in and crash the entire system.”

He's going to be dealing with a jailer for a while. Our attorneys said what he did was a gross violation of the law.”

“Yeah.”

We got to listening to the files of one of the old artists. I said, “You're lucky we found these. I want a duplicate file of that server so that if one crashes, we've got a backup.”

He nodded, “Yeah. What do you think of the quality?”


For coming off the masters, it's real good. Some of the early conversions weren't so good.”


Really?”


One of the old groups heard the quality and said it was terrible. They held onto their masters so that when the quality improved, they were able to take them over.” (Metallica)


I hope none got messed up.”

“If they did, we can run it through a cleaner. It should bring everything back.”

“Do you know how to do that?”


Yeah, but let Rayne do it. He wants to feel needed and vital to everything here also.”

He smiled, “You two cover each other really good.”

“We're like brothers. I'll always have his back.”


And he'll have yours.”

“Yeah.”

“I want your hair going over to blond.”

“Can it be natural instead of bottle?”


He laughed, “Yeah!”

“That's a 7 color treatment... Just so you know.”

“Really?”


A person's hair has 7 colors in it naturally. You don't notice it until you put someone side by side with someone who got their color from a bottle. That's when you realize one looks so fake it's obvious and the other doesn't.”

“Interesting!”

“I have no problem dying my hair any color. Rayne will for a part, but he hates going through a bunch of colors.”

“I think he looks best as he is now.”

“That's dyed.”

“Really!”

“His natural color is dishwater blond. He hated it, so he wanted it darker so that it made him look distinguished.”

He giggled, “And I want yours to go blond!”


Yeah.”

“His looks best at his color now.”

“I picked it.”

“Is that a 7 color treatment?”

“Three. He's not patient enough to sit still for the others!”

He laughed, “I'm not familiar with how they do it.”

“It's like frosting your hair. You dye the middle color and then, you put on skull caps which have holes. Then, you pull through and dye the next and the next and the next and so on and so forth. If you want curl, or whatever, you do all that prior to dying so it's finished when you wash it out and start conditioning.”

He nodded, “That's interesting. You know how to do all that?”


Yeah. It's easy. We learned it on YouTube because people were paying big money to do what could be done for cheap.”


Rayne came in. He smiled, “How's it going?”


Good. We've got everything negotiated out.”


He nodded, “Mine too?”


I gave him a look and he said, “Ok! Ok! I figured you would!”

Jeff laughed and I said, “They're the same.”

Jeff said, “For working in the archives, I'm getting you a flat rate of $5000 a song.”

Rayne nodded, “Ok. I'm going to ask you something in regards to those.”


Jeff said, “Sure.”


Rayne said, “There are some which are broken which means there's no end. I think we can repair them using technology. Do you want me to try to do that?”


Jeff looked shocked, “Yeah!”

I said, “That takes a lot longer. It takes putting all those songs in and seeing if a word can be found like is required. By the time it's finished, it's real good, but it's real specialized.”

Jeff said, “Get me those and I'll pay you $25,000 each.”

I said, “Ok. Just so you're aware, we're going to give you the original broken one where they ended it so you're not having us saying they're all broken!”

He laughed, “Ok!”

Rayne read the contracts and got finished in about 20 minutes. He asked, “What now?”

I said, “Sign and we'll get you songs.”


Jeff said, “I'm going to make a call and get someone in for him.”

I said, “Can I intercede?”


Jeff smiled real big, “Yeah!”

I pointed, “You have the masters. You've also got the old recordings of the music without the singers. Couldn't he work on some of those?”


Jeff said, “Yeah. I have no problem with that, but I thought he'd do better by having Foster's tutelage.”


Foster also takes a percentage. To be honest, if you look at a lot of his latest people, he's not had a whole lot of luck with them.”


He gave me a look, and I knew I'd irked the hell out of him. I pointed, “Look it up! If you want an operatic tenor, I suppose you'll be fine. Take a look at that Filipino girl's career. It's dead in the water. It's like Foster just gave up, or lost his balls, or something!”


He gave a smirk and looked it up. I pointed, “In this business, without hits, you're dead in the water. I hate to piss you off, but we were talking about cutting dead weight and you're wanting to hand his career to dead weight!”


Rayne gave me a look. I said, “Here's what I'll do. We've got the keys to the studio. Tomorrow is a day where we've got one thing and that's getting Armani to dress us. On Sunday, I'm not sure since we've already had our stylist meeting and need to get over there.

What I'll do is I'll work with those masters and get him 70 songs which I think will work. You can see if they're good and you can run with it if you think it's quality. If not, invite Foster in and we'll have him produce him. Either way, you'll know if you dodged a bullet, or decided you needed another hole in your head.”

He smiled real big, “You can say things which totally irk the hell out of me, but back them up with confidence!”

Rayne said, “He's done it all his life. He'd have everyone upset with him and then, would show them he was right. After a while people would turn to him for his opinion, and he'd give it... More often than not, he'd be right.”

I said, “Jeff, like it or not, I've studied these careers. I can tell you who's a dud and who has some potential. Oprah kissed the man's ass high and low and lauded him as the master starmaker.

I'll tell you he was. I'll tell you he was great. Then, I'll tell you somewhere along the line, he lost it. AND, I'll tell you that I find it damned interesting that he suddenly started working with men and left the women alone.

What I think happened is he got involved with one and had an affair. He got burned because he got emotionally attached and I think she was most likely married. AND, I'll tell you I think that whoever it was, scared the hell out of him probably because he got involved in some stupid shit while he was with her.”

Jeff gave me a look, “I don't know, but you put the pieces together real good.”

“It's common sense! And what did I tell you earlier??? I told you that rule one is to stay away from the emotional side of things!”


He smiled real big, and nodded, “Yeah!”

“Take a look at when people get involved emotionally. If you don't see a train wreck happening, you're not seeing what I'm seeing.

With these 70 songs, they're done. Did I get emotional about any of them? No. Could I? Yeah, but why??? I mean, if I'm performing 50 or 60 years from now, I'm not giving up a career over something now before I get there! That's dumb!”

I took a deep breath, “I want to have a shot at his music. If I'm wrong, I'll slink off and won't bug you again. If I'm right, I'll have saved you a bunch of money.”

“Ok.”

I motioned, “We're going to go deal with the stylist. After that, we'll probably be in the studio over there until it's time to go get us some dinner. Then, we'll get that done and will be back in.”


We went out and Rayne said, “I hope you're right!”

“I am.”

We got in the car and drove over to the studio. While we were driving, he asked, “What's the key?”


Get your favorite cds and work from them.”

“HUH?”


Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift... Take a look at those and think about it... If they'll sing the songs we hear in those archives, you know there's a quality we've got for now and into the future.

Are there a bunch? Yes. Take a look at Bobby Darin, Ricky Nelson, Fabian, Dion & The Belmonts, Rudy Valley, Del Shannon, Bobby Vee, and the list goes on...”

He said, “Ok, you're going to tell me what they sang?”


I started to sing and he said, “No. If I'm going to sing, I want to sing something everyone can sing along with. Don't give me some stuff which no one's heard. Give me stuff which is classic from the first words I sing.”


I pulled over and stared at him. He gave me a nervous look, “Is that ok?”


I nodded, “Let me make a call. I apologize for getting it wrong for you.”


He gave me a smile, “What's going on in that pretty head of yours?”


Listen to this call. I'm going to get carte blanche simply because I'm putting together a team which is going to get you all that and more.”


OK.”

I dialed Jeff, “Hello?”


It's me boss!”

He laughed, “What's going on!”

“Uh, I'm going to ask that you spend some money.”

He laughed, “Ok! But why?”


You have the ability to make calls and get people to perk up by putting together a package. I've got it, but it's going to take us pulling in favors and a bunch of people. When they're pulled together, you're going to need to have an orchestra for this.”


Really?”


Call Richard Carpenter and John Bettis. See if Burt Bacherach is still alive and see if he can come. See if Ron Garow, Brian Wilson, Paul Williams, and Roger Nichols are available.

When you call them, tell them it's for us to sit and put together a collection of songs for him to sing which... as he put it, are classics from the first words sung.”


Oh man!”

“The deal is we're going to put these albums together so that we're giving the buying public what The Carpenters, the Beach Boys, and a lot of those guys all sang... Albums with real singing, and real playing on them which are music, not put through a computer, but real honest to God music.”

“Ok. I'll do it. Had you said you wanted something else, I'd probably scratched it, but you've got me interested because it's a common complaint I hear all the time... That no one sings and no one plays.”

“I agree. Now, you MIGHT call in Barry Manilow also... I'd tell you to call Neil Diamond, but we might be getting too star heavy and have some conflicts of interest.”

“No. I'm going to ask that you hold it out at your place where you can put them up and create for as long as it takes.”

“Ok. But I want you to know that we're going to need to have video set up and we're going to need to make it so that it's known as a summit where we have the greats in trying to yank back what once was... And yeah, it'll be Yesterday Once More.”


He said, “I need to get off here. I thought I was dealing with someone who was a stone and you're bringing tears to my eyes because I'm sold on this emotionally again!”


I giggled, “I don't think we can have bad music coming from this summit. There's too much talent.”

“I'm making calls.”

“Ok. We're going in and getting this stylist thing done.”


I'll have your choppers ready to get you home.”


No. I hate to tell you no, but we don't have a thing to eat out there and we sure don't have a thing to entertain with out there.”

“I'll call and get catering done. It might be late getting some in, but I think they'll jump.”

“When this happens, I'm going to ask for three girls to be there.”

“Who?”


Pink, Katy Perry, and Kelly Clarkson. I want some who actually write and sing. It'll be real good if we can show that we didn't just get the summit where it was for us, but we got a summit where some of the current greats showed.”


Ok. I don't know if some will come. First of all, they're busy and they might not because of how it's put together.”

“Try. I know it's tough, but get their people to hear the cast of characters and see if they're actually interested. If they're not, they'll miss out and we'll have them regretting the once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“Ok.”

“I know Bacharach is way old if he's still alive, but ...”

“He is. I'll make the call. Now will you listen to David Foster?”


I sighed, “I'll listen. He's going to have to be told it's a summit where egos get left at the door.”

“Do you think he's egotistical?”


Here's the deal. He told someone once (Seal), that it was his way or no way. I'm sorry, but it's not about you when you're the producer. It CAN be about you if you put that restraint on your artist, but you might as well release it yourself. If you're going to do that, let the artist out of the cage.

Personally, I'm not wanting egos front and center. I want it to be about a group of people coming together and bouncing ideas, putting songs into a collection which we can pull from, and it being a great big collaborative effort which fights and claws it's way onto the airwaves and grunt punches an establishment who've gotten to the point that they're so used to making music in a computer that they've lost quality.

Now, I know that's a whale of a sentence, but it's something I really want. I want it to have meaning and I want us to stand and give hugs at the end of this and have them knowing that we really care and are thankful... THEN, we can have everyone up on stage at these awards shows and ask everyone how it felt when they hugged their computer.”

He laughed, “I know what you mean. It's a huge complaint people have nowadays. You don't know how many radio people I've heard who say they've gotten fed up with it.”


I understand, but you give Rayne the full credit. He had enough strength to shut me down on what I wanted and told me what he wants.”

“Good. I'm glad to hear that!”

“Sometimes, it's not about the producer. I listened.”


He chuckled, “Let me off here. I'm about to tear up again!”


We rang off and Rayne smiled, “Thanks!”

“Buddy, if we can get this to happen, do you realize how huge this will be?”


I know. It's going to be legendary.”

I dialed Jeff back. His number was busy. I said, “Remind me to include Quincy Jones.”

“Ok.”

We got to the studio and went in. Real fast, they had us back to Erica's domain. We went in and she smiled real big, “There you guys are!”

“I'm to be taken to blond. He wants him kept the same color.”

She nodded, “Ok.”

“I want a 7 layer treatment on the color. It has to look natural.”


She nodded, “Good!”

“With everything, I want it looking natural. It might not be, but I want it to look like every photo taken of me in a different color has you wondering if that's the real color.”


She nodded, “Ok. I'll do that. It's more time consuming, but I'll do it.”


I nodded, “One other thing and then, I'll quit on what I want... No matter what, I want to be suntanned but I want that sun tan to look real, not out of a bottle.”

She nodded, “Ok. We can't overdo it, but it'll be done.” She looked at me and said, “With your blue eyes, it'll be great.”

I motioned, “He's got green. He's naturally blond, but hates blond.”


She nodded, and looked at Rayne, “It's interesting because I couldn't imagine you being blond.”

Rayne smiled, “I hate it.”


I smiled, and ran my fingers through his hair, “I love it. He has the perfect hair, but he hates it!”

She laughed and smiled, “And you two love each other.”


I nodded, “Hell yes I do!”

Rayne smiled real big, “I love him 99% of the time.”

I nodded, “He can't follow me after I use the bathroom!”

We all laughed and Rayne said, “Change that to 98%. I forgot about the FOG!”


We really laughed and I said, “He thinks I'm a slob.”

Rayne said, “Keep going! It's down to 97%!”


She really laughed and said, “You two ought to do this during interviews!”

I smiled, “We'd bump foreheads. I'd bend over and get knocked on the noggin with his because he'd be bowing and trying to hand me the interviewee chair at the same time I was trying to hand it to him. I mean, if you love someone, you make sure they get the limelight, right?”


Rayne smiled, “That's why you need to have that chair!”

I laughed, “We'll figure it out... I might sit in front of you on the floor.”


She laughed, “That'd be an interview!”

I nodded, “Erica, let me tell you something. I met him when we were really young. He'll tell you it was 8. I'll tell you it was before we started first day of kindergarten when I saw him on the monkey bars and thought, “Oh man, he's got the most perfectly manicured nails!” and then, I realized it was his toes and he'd taken off his shoes!”


She really laughed, and I nodded, “Perfect toes! Who the hell has beautiful toes! He does!”

Rayne really giggled, “So it was YOU who licked my toes!”

We all laughed and I shook my head, “No, that was the dog. I was the one laughing because the dog was insane! He rubbed his butt across the ass-phalt!”


We all laughed and she shook her head, “I need to get busy.”

I said, “Ok. Him first. You cut his hair and I'll run my fingers through it... Try not to cut my fingers and play dodgem. We'll see what you end up with!”

She laughed and I said, “Ok... Here's a look. I put my hand back here. You cut all the rest!”

We really laughed and Rayne said, “No! You'll have it as one finger and then, we'll be in deep shit when I drive your convertible!”

I nodded, “Hey! That'd be a cool hat! We'll call it the hater hat! We'll get a little mechanical thing so that when you have someone behind you who is a bitch, you can press a little pump thing which flips up the finger!”


We laughed and he said, “You'd wear it backwards on television!”

“Hell yes I would! It'd be great! If an interviewer wanted to get hateful, I'd press the button!” I paused, “No, forget that. I'd forget and would put it between my legs and in my nervousness, the finger would look like it was having a seizure!”


We really laughed, and he shook his head, “You know you're nuts, right?”


I told you I was certifiably macadamian! You thought I was a cookie!” I paused, “Remind me to ask Pink the story about her name.”

He smiled, “Don't you dare!”

“Ok, I'll just ask her between 1 and 4 how big her hubby's pecker is!”


We really laughed and Erica really laughed, “You're nuts! You know that!”

I nodded, “Hazel... Wall... Pistachio... Brazil... Peanut Butter!” I looked at Rayne, “Can I get one of those VitaVegamin Mixer things?”


He smiled, “Why!”

“Homemade nut butter! We can finally afford one!”


He giggled, “You'd be home saying, “Try this! I made it!”, and will have forgotten to take them out of the bag!”

Erica really laughed and I smiled, “That's cool! I was thinking about pine nuts and just throwing in the whole pine cone!”


He made a face, “Nah, leave that alone!”

I shook my head, “I don't know why people do that.”

Erica asked, “What's that?”


I turned, “Ok, pine nuts come from the pinion pine tree. You have to find pinion pines and then, you get the cones. It takes a friggin' pickup truck full of the cones to get a cup full. You have to put them in a thing and roast them in a fire and then, you're stuck with this pine cone which you have to hold with latex gloves on or you get hot pine tar on your hands which burns like hell. Then, you bang it and the pine nuts fall out. When you get your 3 pine nuts from a cone, you throw it into the fire and you keep doing it over and over until you say fuck it, it's not worth it and go out and get some sunflower kernals which you put on a cookie sheet and burn in the oven so that they taste just like pine nuts!”


She smiled, “You know pine nuts are expensive!”

I nodded, “$25 a friggin' pound! That's because it takes so much work!”


She motioned, “They've got them at Whole Foods.”

I nodded, “We'll have to try some which someone else did all that stuff to get them.”


She held up a color pallette and said to Rayne, “These are your colors.”

I said, “Cool! Your Mercedes is your color!”


He smiled and she said, “I'm not going to tell you that you can't wear gold, or silver, or platimum.”


I said, “Good. I'll get you nipple bars with balls on them which have MY on each ball. Then, you'll have my balls on your chest!”


They really laughed and he shook his head, and looked at her, “He's like this all the time. He's really toned it down!”

I nodded, “I have to remember it's hard work to be civilized. Do you know how hard it was today not to pull Shockzilla out of my ass on that dude!”


He smiled and she really giggled. I said, “Shockzilla is this stuffed animal I won at the fair forever ago. It looks like a Harry and the Hendersons doll, but I put a bow in his hair and ear rings on him and called him Shockzilla. One of these days I'm going to out that drag queen to the world and they're going to know a diva dammit!”


She giggled, “You ought to market one!”

I said, “She'd want a bridal dress. Lord knows the crystals would have to be Svarovski. Then, I'd be in the poor house because I designed a gown for a drag queen gorilla!”

Rayne laughed, “That thing is hilarious. It's got looks which has you wondering what it's thinking!”

I nodded, “She's a bitch. We'd have to have a pull string which says, “Does this dress make my ass look fat!” and I'd be like, “NO Shockzilla, you can't say it looks fat... It doesn't look all SlimFast, but it's sure not fat... God no!”


They laughed and I nodded, “We need to see if we can get one made so that it has two great big ass cheeks!”


They laughed and I said, “We could put those eyes on the back pockets of her jeans which roll around when she moves.” I shook my head, “No, we can't do that... The Kardashians would consider her a threat and competition and out her for being a drag queen... Like THEY'RE NOT!”


Rayne said, “No, that's Bruce.”

“Brucilla!”


Erica laughed and I nodded, “You know that one picture with his hair done up at the top made him look like Brucilla, don't you! Am I lyin'???”


She really giggled, and I said, “Sorry Rayne, I've got to stop. She's cutting your hair and she's jiggling as she laughs. We don't want your bangs all jagged.”


She laughed, “That's ok!”

I said, “I've done worse cutting his hair... Remember that one haircut I gave you!”

Rayne gave me a look and said, “He's not allowed to cut my hair anymore.”

Erica laughed, “What happened?”


I said, “Ooh, it wasn't nice. I'd love to say we were using electric clippers and the power went out, but it was worse.”


She laughed and Rayne said, “He got the = of the equality confused. I had racing stripes on my head!”


She really laughed and I said, “It would've worked great, but he had to go and tell everyone that it was supposed to be the equality symbol and that I was a dizzy bitch!”


She laughed harder, and I said, “It was rather amusing.”


She stopped cutting his hair and really laughed. Rayne gave me a look and said, “96%.”


She laughed harder and shook her head, “That's hilarious!”


I said, “As London said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”.”


He smiled, “You need to behave. She's got to finish!”

I said, “Ok. I'll try. I'll switch subjects.”

He smiled, “Please do!”

I said, “DO you see how I got him to invite all of our idols to the house for us?”


He smiled and said, “Yeah, like Brian Wilson is an idol of yours!”

“Seriously, do you realize he's had an eventful life??? I mean if you have to move out of your house because Charles Manson moved in, that's pretty eventful!”


He giggled, “I suppose you'd done it different?”


Yeah. I'd bought a bunch of tuna and would've been going apeshit in the kitchen lopping off their heads going, “Sorry Charlie Starkist doesn't want tuna that tastes good, they want demented fuckers like me to chop them up!”. Then, he would've seen I was crazier than him and moved out!”


He laughed, “You'd probably have them live too!”


Yeah, but that would've been a mess!”


He said, “Is that the only reason you asked to have him there?”


No. I mean... I might slide down the banister railing to see if my butt cheeks could do that one sound they did in that Good Vibrations, but that would be cool!”

She laughed, “What sound was that?”


That ooeeoohee!”


She laughed, and Rayne smiled, “I knew when you saw that railing you were going to do something with it!”

I switched subjects, “Remember that one guy in tights we saw that had the skidtracks!”

They laughed and Rayne said, “Of course, you saw it!”

She really laughed and I said, “Seriously! We went to see the Nutcracker Ballet! I didn't know it was a comedy and laughed my ass off all the way through it after that!”


Rayne said, “He had everyone thinking he was stoned!”


I said, “You know, there are times when you're holding your little folding opera glasses that you don't want to see things close up!”


She really laughed, “Oh man!”

I said, “People stared. The more people stared, the more I thought about different things you can get in a can which squeezes out like that one cheese, and RediWhip, and how much you get to craving them when people think you're stoned!”


He smiled, “What's hilarious is we left and went to the convenience store and the only kind of crackers we could find that he liked were Goldfish. He was trying put that cheese on them and finally sprayed his finger with it and stuck the fish on!”

I smiled, “Now, you know that wasn't bad! You tried it!”


She laughed and I said, “Oh man, if he's having it catered, he needs to see if anyone's vegan! It'd suck if we had four kinds of meat and sushi and didn't think of the vegans!” I looked at him, and said, “You know Vegans and pizza don't go together... What's left? All you have is tomato sauce and bread! What kind of fun is that!” I paused, “Bagels and cream cheese... hold the cream cheese. BORING! I mean without cream cheese what holds the bagels onto your nipples!”


She laughed a full out belly laugh. He smiled, “Don't say MY balls!”


She sat back down laughing. “Guys, I've laughed so much my stomache's sore!”

I smiled, “Ok, we'll try keeping it sane.”

She smiled, “You two need to do a comedy routine. Lord knows you're funny!”

“We have fun.”

He smiled, “He finds humor in all sorts of things. I see that glint in his eye and think, “Oh man, here we go again!”.”

She laughed, and I said, “He understands me. That's why it's fun.”

He giggled, “He'll mess with people just to mess with them. He heckled a juggler once!”

She laughed and I said, “Now that guy didn't appreciate it! I yelled, Hep! Hep! Hep!, and clapped my hands to throw off his concentration!”


She laughed and Rayne said, “I saw the glint and said, “Oh Lord!” about the time he started doing it!”


I said, “I swear he was the guy who was rollerskating up on Venice Beach the weekend before!”


He said, “I think you're wrong.”

“No. When a guy is rollerskating and juggling in a thong, I remember the thong!”


She laughed, “Yeah!”

“Well, he wouldn't pull 'em down to show us his thong.”

Rayne said, “OF course, he's yelling, “Show us your thong!” at a kids birthday party no less!”

She laughed real loud and I said, “I'd already saw the burro and thought, “OH hell no! I'm not playing pin the tail on a live burro!”


Rayne smiled, “That was the clown's burro, dumb ass!”


I don't know... Couldn't tell you! We got asked to leave before the clown started making things out of balloons!”


He smiled, and told her, “He was pissed because they'd already unwrapped his gift! He was going to take it back!”


I swear they spiked that punch! That was a crazy day!”


She laughed, “It sounds like it!”

I nodded, “They had those nitrous oxide shots at a birthday party! I was like, “Huh, I thought only strippers did that shit!”, but his Mom looked like she might've been one!”

He laughed, “You only had like 9 or 10 of them!”

“Hey, they were handing them out right by where I was sitting! I'd already saw the burro and thought, “Oh Lord, if this were Tijuana, she'd be workin' the burro!”


They really laughed and I said, “Strange Days indeed...!” and looked over at Rayne, “How'd we get invited to that one?”


She's my aunt!”

“You never told me that! I didn't know your Dad had a sister!”


Erica laughed real loud and Rayne smiled, “That's my uncles wife!”

“How'd he find something like that??? Oh, now I KNOW she was a stripper!”


He smiled, “No. I believe she works in a church.”

“That's some confession!”


They laughed and I said, “I wonder if her church dresses show as much boobs as she was showing that day!”

He smiled, “You're terrible!”

“So that kid was your cousin?”


Yeah.”

I shook my head, “Well, you know when we get to be famous, they'll be watching the television and will be saying, “There's that fucker who got shitfaced at little Johnny's birthday party!”


He laughed, “They probably won't watch us because I'm gay.”

“No. When you get to be famous, they come out of the woodwork. We'll have to put up a stripper's pole just to keep her entertained out at the ranch. Lord knows with all the horseflesh we've got around, she'll start gyrating!”


They started laughing and he said, “You stay off the banister railing!”

“Yeah, I don't need weird noises happening when she's around!”

He chuckled, “I'm sure you'll figure out a way to keep her entertained.”

“Yeah, it'd be cool to bring out Shockzilla. We'd pull it's string and Shockzilla would say, “Ho, what a ho!”

I paused, “Ok, I'll behave for your family. Lord knows it's going to be hard, but I'll have to practice some restraint.”

He smiled, “I'm not telling my family where we live!”

“Ok. That's a deal. I won't either.”

He smiled, “You hate my family! I know you won't!”

I smiled, “I was talking about my Mom and Dad!”

He laughed, “Ok. That's fine. I think your Mom and Dad are cool. It's just that you'd have to confiscate their booze in order for them to pay attention to you!”

Erica gave me a surprised look. I said, “It's true. Thankfully, I learned from them what it's like to deal with addicts, so I don't want to deal with that anymore in this lifetime.”


He smiled, and nodded, “Let's not talk about that. It gets you depressed.”

“Ok. Let's talk about other fun things.”

“What's that?”


Since we're going to have new hairstyles, and tans, do you think it'd be cool if we went out and people didn't recognize us?”


He gave me a look, “Wait until you get blond hair before you start talking like one. Ok?”


Erica really laughed, and I said, “Really! We're famous now. We could go out incognito!”

He smiled, “Ok. Go ask 10 people on that sidewalk who you are.”

“NO! They'll think I've got amnesia!”


Erica laughed, and Rayne said, “Ok. We won't do that amnesia thing. It didn't work so good at that one funeral.”


She laughed real loud, “You didn't!”

He smiled, “We crashed a funeral dinner. They asked us who we were and we told them we were family. They asked whose family and we had to hurry up and say we were family of the preacher. That's when we learned they were Catholic and the preacher was a priest. We couldn't say we were his kids, so that sort've blew up in our faces.”

I said, “I should've told them he was our boyfriend.”


He smiled, “That guy was too old to be our boyfriend!”

“Not the guy in the casket! The priest!”


He smiled real big, and Erica laughed. He shook his head, “As you can see, we have fun! He thinks these things up and we do them.”


I said, “That one was sort've an accident.”


She gave me a look and I said, “We were on my scooter and got caught up in a funeral procession to get the fastest lane on the highway. Then, we couldn't get out of the line because they had cops all over the place, so we went to the graveyard. After that, they all asked us to come to the dinner, so he looked at me and I looked at him and we were going out to dinner anyway, so it made sense!”


She laughed, “You two are nuts!”

“You don't know how much I've been tempted to get a black jacket like the INS has and put OUTS on the back and go to West Hollywood!”


He said, “That idea is better than the one where you were going to dress in brown and deliver packages as DOWNS”


I rolled my eyes, “It wasn't anything to do with down syndrome. I keep telling you that!”


She burst out laughing and he smiled. She kept laughing and he asked, “Is my hair done yet?”


I said, “No. If you left it that way right now, you'd look ridiculous!”

Erica said, “Hey, I'm about done!”


I smiled, “OH!”


Rayne really laughed and she smiled at me, “You don't think it looks good?”


Uh, what sort've part is he going to play again?'


They laughed and I said, “Don't do mine that way. That's making him look like a a Hitler youth!”

She smiled, “That's what his role will be in the upcoming movie.”

I said, “Let's pray our singing career takes off. Lord knows with role selection like that, we'll be out of the business before we start.”


Rayne said, “Perhaps it'll be a good role.”


I made a face, “Well, he certainly wants people to think twice about hiring you!”


I walked off and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”


Were you aware Rayne's playing a Hitler youth?”


Yes. It's a James Bond film. He'll be over in England.”

“OH! Well, that's real good. He's looking convincing as a Hitler youth.”


You're going into a real good movie.”

“Cool!”

“There are going to be a series of them.”

“How fast are the release dates?”


Every other year, but you'll have the option on three of them.”

“It's a shame you can't film all of them at the same time.”

“They don't do it that way because it obligates them to do releases even if there's no money and it was a flop.”


I sincerely hope you're doing good ones!”

“Yeah, these are super hero ones.”

“I hope I'm not the super hero!”

“No, you're the teen boy who befriends him.”

“Ok. That's cool.”

“There are seven of them. I think you'll be able to progress it to you going to college.”

“Ok. I hope there are other roles.”

“Yes. They're wanting you on one which is a voiceover part.”

“Animation?”


Yes.”

“Good.”

“The other one is what we're going to be putting you over to doing this upcoming week. He says he can get you filmed in two weeks.”

“Ok.”

“I'm telling you it's probably going to have you up for another Oscar and a bunch of awards.”

“Good. That'll bring interest.”

“Your music is really good. Do you realize you have enough for six albums? With a collaboration album with him, you'd have seven and would only need two more.”

“One is your greatest hits, the other is something we need to look at to get music like what he picked.”

“You'll have a lot of people out at the house tomorrow.”

“Ok, but I want him getting his choice and everyone getting their choice.”


Do you think you two could do your duet album soon?”


Yeah. If we get the music.”


I know Rich is going to be there. He's heard you singing and is in love with your voice.”

“Rich?”


Richard Carpenter.”

“Cool! What does he think of Rayne's voice?”


He thinks you two should stay with duet.”


He's partial to duets because it made his career.”

I saw Rayne and said, “I need off here. Rayne's finished and it's my time in the chair.”

“Ok.”

I rang off and said, “If nothing else, we've got Richard Carpenter...”

“Cool!

“Call him Rich. That's what Jeff did.”

“Ok. How do I set this tanning booth?”


Uh, don't put it up on an hour. I'd do fifteen on each side.”

“Show me how!”

“Let me get her. If I screwed up and made it terrible for your movie, we'd be screwed.”

“Are you happy with the movie?”


You're going to be in a James Bond movie.”

“Really?”


Yeah. You're going to be a Hitler youth. Go figure!”

“Man!”

“It doesn't sound like it's a big part. I'm worried about that.”

“That's ok. It all pays the same.”

“Yeah.”

“What are yours?”


Uh, one is a Marvel superhero series. There are seven of them and it sounds like I'll do two for sure. Then, there's the option of me doing probably one more.”

“Are you happy with that?”


Yeah. It'll give me something to grow with.”

“Yeah.”

“There's an animated one which I am doing a voice over. Then, there's another one which he says I'm to shoot for the next two weeks which will be another Oscar contender.”

“Good!”

“We'll talk more.”

“Ok.”

I went in and said, “He needs you to show him how to do the tanning booth.”

“Take your shirt off and get ready.”

“Ok.”

I took my shirt off and she came in and stared. “Does he know you two are so well built?”


Uh, I don't know.”

“You two have bodies people would die to have.”

“Perhaps we can use it later. Believe me, it's all natural. So is his. We can't afford to work out.”


She smiled, “You can now!”

“Yeah, but that wasn't always the case.”


She got to dying my hair and then, we waited and washed it out. After that, she got to pulling hair through and putting it into foils and getting those dyed. Once we had those done, we pulled more all over and dyed those and then did it once more. She washed out and then, we put another cap on and started all over on the dyes again until we had the last three done. She washed out and said, “You were patient.”

“Thanks. I'll never be impatient on you. I know you're doing your job and you're helping us. Through you, we get to have these lives we lead, and we appreciate it.”


She smiled, “Thank you!”

“I'll tell you now that he and I are only letting so many people in. IF we discover someone's violated our trust, we'll have that person out of our lives and I promise you that damage won't be forgiven.”

I nodded, “Rayne is naturally suspicious of anyone new in our lives. I understand because he's got a family which is vicious and won't be allowed around us. If you're approached by anyone who says they're a part of his family, tell them you've been asked by us not to divulge anything which is a part of our lives.

I'll tell you they've robbed him, they've robbed me, and it's been through threats, intimidation, and at gun point. And yes, there's a restraining order against them which was done by the judge as soon as he heard about what they've done.

My own family is my Mom and Dad. I'll tell you I moved out and I went my own way so as not to put up with their constant arguing.

I'll tell you now that if they discovered that we were making the money we have, they'd be on it quicker than you can imagine. There's a reason the judge gave me the emancipation paperwork and that's because he knows I'll live a better life without them.

What you'll probably learn is this... I fully expect them to come out of the woodwork and try to get money. And I'll tell you that the second they come out of the woodwork trying to get it, I'm going to go on the offensive and let the world know the sort've people they are. Why? Because I won't pay someone I chose, or he chose to leave behind voluntarily to leave once more!”

She nodded, “They might request that you do that.”

I held up a finger and smiled, “The contracts don't state a thing in it about bad press or publicity. They don't state a thing about how I'm to handle it. Therefore, the second they want to delve into the personal side of my life, I'm going to hold up the contract and smile and tell them to stay the fuck out of it! Then, if they want to try to stay there, I'll give the nod and tell them I'll turn the matter over to our attorney which will take it up with them in a legal sense. Believe me, they don't want to head that direction!”


She shrugged, “I'm not saying they'll do it to you. They've been known to do it to others.”

“And others have gained momentum by being known not to allow those members into their lives and didn't pay them a thing to leave! If you think Roseanne Barr paid her family to leave, think again. Yeah, she tried buying their silence, but they also wanted more and more to the point she exposed them instead of tolerating it.
Louis Anderson's family ran him into the poor house. A bunch of others have also.” I pointed, “I can count on one finger the person who's been there for me and doesn't need a dime from me to be the best he can be for me.
Do I think that some people will attempt to wedge their way between us? Yeah. And the second he allows that, I'm going to throw my hands up in the air and tell him to buy me out for $50 million and the house is his, but that the second he thinks he can tell me who I can and can't have around me in that house, he doesn't make enough money to buy me.

Does he know what that will do to us? Yeah. Does he know the one person who got him out of that life? Yeah. And he also knows the one person who used what I gained to help pull him up... because he would've done it for me.

When you and I talk in the future, please don't pass messages to us from 'them'. I don't give a fuck who 'them' are. I'll ask you once to tell me who 'them' are, and then, when it's not given, I'll show you who I am when I tell YOU I don't want you around us any longer... And if HE wants you around HIM, I'll ask him in front of you if he's lost his fuckin' mind. If he has, I can promise you the one person he won't have in his life and that's ME.

Them, those people, and the fearful bunch are sicknesses exposed out by truth and light. When you expose them, they suddenly have no power. And the second you are found feeding them, I promise you that you won't be around us.”
I shrugged, “The way it's done is if WE choose to have our private stories told in the gossip rags, we'll place the story there ourselves. If they turn us down because we won't play into it some more, or where it's not benefiting us, we'll retract and let them discuss it with our attorney.

Am I afraid of the truth? No. Because the second they want to try playing it out, I'll call a press conference and will lay it ALL out there!”

She shrugged and I stood up, “Thanks for what you did. I'll hire someone else.”


I went in and lifted the tanning bed and spoke to Rayne. “I'm leaving. She's been fired. I'll see you as soon as you dress and get out of here.”

He sat up, “Wait on me!”

She walked in, “I'm sorry!”

“You just saw how fast it happens. If we owe you money, bill us through Jeff. I'll have someone else hired.”


She said, “I just want what's best for you guys!”

“Your eyes told us earlier you were reporting everything to Jeff. He saw it and I saw it too. Do you think I can't find someone who won't sell us out?”

She looked shocked and I said, “Hey, our confidence is our private business. In that contract, it doesn't state one thing about them intruding into our private lives. It says I will provide said quantity for said price.” I held up my phone, “Don't believe for one second I don't have proof the 70 songs I sang for Monte Vison aren't recorded. They've now got enough for 7 albums. My collaboration with him is the 8th, and the Greatest Hits is the 9th.... contract completed. I produced it, I sang it, and they get their part and I get mine. Whether they promote it or not, I don't care. Nothing from nothing is nothing. I got my $9 million dollars!”

I waved, “My contract is for four years. It states they offer 9 movies in 4 years. If I take them, great. If I don't, it's up to me to make sure I can get the required amount to fulfill said contract.

Do he and I have 9 home movies on DVD we can show? Yes. Do I think it's a sellable product?” I smiled, and turned, “I'll sell it to him for $1 and he'll sell it back to me for $1 and we've broke even... Contract is fulfilled.”

I shrugged, “Games can be played. I don't give a damn right now if Jeff wants to go into session playing them because I've fulfilled my part.” I gave her a look, “He who knows the games played can and will have option to play them first. I'm playing along because I benefit and he benefits... That's it.”
I smiled, “In said contract, I can contract for a photographer and sell my posters of myself, movie stills, and other promotional items for said monetary gain. If you think that the day I am put up for an Oscar that my value as a product doesn't increase, you don't know how I can sell them. I can drop them the day before and they're worth x amount. I can drop them the day after and everyone's going to clamor for them. I make all the profit. HE makes all of his profit. WE make all of our profit if we're standing together in said photographs.”

I stared at her, “If you can do it so that you're not selling us out, you can work for us. If you're selling information to him, or anyone else, we don't need your services. We stand better off financially if we call the shots of what is sold and for how much.”


I gave her a look, “In our contract, it states we get 50% of merchandising. That means if it's not approved by us, it's not sold. They have to approve those items, but we do also. That's why it's in the contract that way.

Did I knowingly hobble him in this contract? Yeah. Why did I do it? So that I'm not finding myself standing in front of a grocery store someplace selling beans for some off brand company just because he says to do it! It won't work that way and we will never sign anything which states we'll work in that manner.

If you look on our contracts, we're seen as contracted performer. It means HE and the record company pays for any and all costs incurred at said venue... not us. The second I'm told the profits didn't meet the spend out, I'll look at him and say, “It sucks to be you!” and will walk off dialing my attorney to tell him I don't want to hear another fuckin' thing about the money woes he's got in regards to us. He's taking that gamble and we're contracted performer.”

She smiled, “Ok!”

“It's with that in the movies also. I'm willing to let them make money while paying us a flat rate because we're said talent in said contract. It's his gamble, not ours. We make that money whether it's sellable or not.

What I can say is this... I didn't force him to agree to a damned thing in the contract. And I didn't force him to give us a house, or any cars. He did, so that's on him. They're now in our names, and he's doing that to keep us happy so that he gets good on his gamble.

You are a part of that. The better we look, the better the brand we are sells. I know that and I'll buy your contract if I think my investment is making my product improve in value. IF you devalue me, I'll freely tell anyone and everyone not to go with you because you don't do a damned thing for the talent's reputation from 'helping'.

What I appreciate is we like you. What I don't appreciate is feeling like you're running and selling us down the tubes to someone who didn't contract that into the contract. And yes, he can TRY to say it's implied, and I can definitely tell him to get fucked as it's not in there!”

I took a breath, “There are a lot of games played. Don't think for one second there isn't. He can TRY to charge us for the meeting tomorrow and I'm going to nod and sue each and every person who shows for everything they put on the table because by us paying, we bought everything presented.

They know that if they show and present their wares, we have the right to say yes or not. If we say yes, and make their product sell... great. That's what everyone's wanting. I have to show him enough for 3 more albums and then, I get to sell that Greatest Hits album because he's got the 9 he contracted. It's in there, and it's contracted in said manner that I get first refusal and they don't.”

She smiled bigger and I nodded, “The studio time isn't contracted. I didn't sign for a thing, therefore I'm not charged... Do you know why not? Because I get paid flat rate for product delivered and he makes most of the profit by doing so.”

I looked at her, “Fuck 'em before they fuck you. If you're not wise to it, they own you and the product. If they own you, you're screwed first by them.

What else I'll tell you is THEY pay for said contractors who are a part of said entourage. That means if they want to pay someone to make sure we don't drink, do drugs, or whatever, that's on him. However, I made it an implied thing in our deal before we bought the house that it's a paparazzi free zone out there. That means no recordings or photographs taken unless I want them.”

Rayne chuckled, “Cool! I remember you saying that!”


That's the reason I said it. And yes, that's why I can record out there, but they can't. If I prove they've demo-ed their songs and we've had to pay, we're the owners of said songs through them receiving that payment.

What I think is they're going to have contracts out the ass tomorrow on each song we use. When we sign those, I'm looking high and low as to whether they were paid to show. If it says we're to pay, I'll thank them and say, “Nah, if you're taking a dollar from us recording them, you won't be paid to be here!”, and will stand on it.

What I can prove to you is that whomever's songs we sing are going to get played. And yes, on a lot of stations because we've got all those names,... Well, I'll state that YOU will be played because I'm only taking a song if you choose not to have it.”


He smiled, “I'm glad you're getting them for me!”


Like I wouldn't!”


She smiled, “You two are so much in love!”

“ I don't deny I love him. He gets told all the time. It's just that the sex thing didn't work.”


Rayne said, “Erica, if you'll keep from reporting everything back, you can stay. If you don't, and we ever learn it was put out by you, you'll be fired as soon as we learn of it.

He'll fire you to keep you away from us without giving you an opportunity to prove yourself simply because he thinks if you're not around, you don't have a chance of hurting us. Me, I'll doubt and will build up trust.”

I said, “Let's get out of here and go get some supper!”

She said, “Let me call Armani. They stay open late, so we might be able to get you seen tonight instead of tomorrow.”


I nodded, “We'll have to take both cars. His is big enough to haul a lot, but I can put some in mine.” I turned to him, “We're getting a couple of pickup trucks also.”

Rayne said, “I'll get an Escalade if it's what you want for shopping.”


I'll get a truck then. I just want us having things to drive.”

“You driving a truck on Rodeo Drive won't get us respected.”

I rolled my eyes, “When one hauls everything away in a truck because it takes that much, I don't think they're going to look at me driving the truck, they're going to be too busy counting their commissions!”

He asked, “Do they get commissions when they're the one paying for it?”


I don't know. We'll have to see. I want us keeping everything together because we're getting to keep everything as an ensemble.”


He nodded, “Ok.”

“Remember we need several different tuxedos.”

“Why?”


I ticked off on my fingers, “Golden Globes, BAFTA, Oscars, and some others. We don't want to be seen wearing the same thing to those.”

“Ok.”

“They're televised. All the others can have us wearing those to them, but when they're televised, we can't be seen wearing the same thing.”

She said, “I'll be there to dress you two.”

“Ok.”

She said, “They will see you. Let's go!”

We went to the shop and parked in the parking lot at the end of the block... $18 each. I paid for all three, but my God!


When we got out, I said, “Did he charge you?”


No! He said you paid!”

“Good! I did! At $18 each, you know that fucker's making more money than all these stores combined!”

He smiled real big, “Save that receipt!”

I nodded, “I will!”

Erica came over smiling, “Are we going!”

“Yeah, let's go!”

We went up the sidewalk looking in the windows of the other shops. When we got to Armani, we went in and the man came rushing over, “Oh there's my boys!”


I looked at Rayne and he gave a smirk. I said to the man, “Well hello! Do I get undressed now?”


He gave me a look and I rolled my eyes, “I wear Armani or I wear nothing at all!” just as flamboyant as the man did.


The guy's eyes looked like he'd struck a jackpot. “IF you must!”


I said, “Rayne hold my things! He wants a streaker!”


I saw several of the people looking over. When I saw David Beckham. I trotted over, “Hi!”

He looked suddenly uneasy, and I said, “Tell Brook hello from me!”

He looked surprised, “You know him?”


We've skated at the skate park together. Now we've got an Armani contract, so we're cool!”

He smiled, “I'll tell him.”

“Tell him that we're doing movies. Rayne over there is going to be in James Bond starting next week.”

He looked surprised, “Really!”


That's why he looks like a Hitler youth. He doesn't normally look that way... and I'm not normally blond, but they're doing it for a movie I'm to begin shooting next week.”


“Really?”


It's some Marvel superhero movie. I'm the boy even though I wanted to be the muscle guy.”

He smiled and I nodded, “They told me I didn't have the muscles for it. I told them I knew of a place I could go to get some and they wanted to know where. I said that I drove by a place on the way to the audition which must have them because they had a sign.”

He smiled real big and I nodded, “If you say something like that, you stick in their mind. They'll say, “
Remember that dipshit who thought he could go buy muscles?, and then, you're getting called for the other part!”

He laughed and I said, “I'd give you our new phone numbers, but we've not got them yet. We did get a big place out in the Simi Valley, so that's where we'll be living now.”


He asked, “Where were you living?”


Tarzana.”

He nodded, “He likes that skate park! You're right!”

I nodded, “He's been over to our house. Just tell him Mojave Rayne... I'm the Mo in Mojave, and he's the Ray in Rayne.”


He smiled, “Is that really your name?”


Yeah, my parents and his had different personalities. Mine have cold dark dank personalities, so they thought they'd name me Mojave and I'd dry it out. His have dry personalities, so they named him Rayne.”

He smiled, “And why do you think I named him Brooklyn?”


I stared and said, “You really named him Brooklyn? I thought his name was Brook?”


He smiled, “His full name is Brooklyn.”

“That takes it from a small creek to a big apple. That's strange...”

He giggled and I shook my head, “I don't know... Why'd you name him big apple?”


He laughed and Rayne came over, “Hey!”


I turned, “Did you know Brook was named Brooklyn?”


He looked surprised, “No! But, that's cool!”. He batted his eyes, “Why are you talking to him about Brook?”


He's his Dad!”


Rayne looked shocked, “Really?”


Didn't you see him pick Brook up that one day in the Royce?”


No!”

I shook my head, “Well, I did. You must've been up to something else.”


He smiled, “I thought you were over here getting in his business!”

I shook my head, “I was wanting to give Brook our new numbers, but we don't have those phones yet.”

He nodded, “Tell him where we live and that we'll get him a number.”

Dave said, “I'll pass along the message.” He looked at Rayne, “You're going to be huge as a model.”

I nodded, “I tell him that and tell him that, but you can't tell him that... He'll say, “No, I prefer to be the smaller size! Do you think I look fat?” and I have to say, “NO Rayne, that doesn't make you look fat. Go ahead and eat your cracker!”


Dave really laughed and Rayne said, “You're a horse's ass, you know that?”


I nodded, “I try. Now behave!”


I turned to Dave, “I'm going to try to get a phone number of 4Mojave. He can be Rayne Rayne (Ring Ring). He won't answer.”


He laughed and Rayne said, “You don't know that!”


I shrugged, “You're always busy. I'm the one who conserves my energy.”

Erica walked over and said to Dave, “Excuse me!” and said, “Get that shirt off!”

I nodded, “Girl, not here! I keep telling you Rayne's that guy!”


Dave laughed and she smiled, “They're going to close here real soon and you won't have a thing to wear!”

“I thought that was how that guy wanted me! I was going to tell everyone it's what Armani wanted me in!”


She smiled, “Although he might be ecstatic, you'd get arrested.”

“Could I get a label?”


She gave me a stare, “You do realize there'd be no place to put it.”

I said, “Uh, we talked about my balls being on the bars through my nipples. Remember?”


Dave laughed and she smiled real big. Rayne said, “Total fuckin' embarrassment!”, and walked off. I said, “He's upset because I told him I would get him some balls for his shoe laces. Then, he could say his balls touched the floor.”


Dave laughed and she said, “I'm paid well. I hope you know that!”

He laughed harder and she gave a smirk. I turned, “You tell Brook to give us a call. We've still got our old numbers.”

He nodded, “Ok. I'll do that!”

I turned and she said, “My God, he's hot!”

“You think so??? He's our friend's Dad!”

“And that just made me feel old.”


That's ok. You like him. We think his son's cool.”

The guy said, “I need you trying on things!”

I said, “Ok. Let's go in here and get us undressed so you can measure everything.”


We went in and I said, “We need a few outfits because we're going to be doing things this weekend.”

He nodded, “Ok!”


Another thing, I know this is going to be an outrageous request, but I'll handle it in the future.”

He looked up and I said, “I want you to put all the different ensembles I'm supposed to wear in different suitcases.”

“Each?”


Yes. That way, I know what goes with what so that when I put them in my closet, I'll know what goes with it and won't be messing up.”

“What are you going to do with all the luggage?”


Reuse it. If you want, you could put everything in a bag together, I suppose, but I want us having...”

Erica came into the conversation, “He's already up for some award consideration. In order to do the publicity for all those, he's going to have to go on talk shows and some other publicity venues.”

He looked surprised, “What did you act in!”

I rolled my eyes, “It was a little movie about a man and a woman getting together. I was her kid and was really happy about them getting together because I was going to have a Dad. Then, she dumps him and wouldn't let him around me. I was sad and upset about it.”


He nodded, “Oh!”

“It was a sad part. They say I acted good.”

Erica said, “You were haunting in it.”. She looked away and the tears trickled. She looked back at me and I hugged her. She let the tears go and said, “You stole that movie. The look on your face, my God, if she were a mother, she'd thought about you!”

She looked down and said, “I apologize, but he's Ricky Shroeder in The Champ grown up. He took you to his misery and sadness and let you in!”


She walked out and I said, “As I said, it was a little part.”


He smiled, “You don't think it was good?”


It's good. It's sad, but I'm not sure how much they kept in. I ad-libbed a lot on the dialogue.”

“How so?”


I closed my eyes, “Here's how I did it. I read the script and I put myself into that kids' thoughts. He was lonely. He wanted a Dad. He had a Mom, but he wanted a Dad.

Think about that. Some kids want dogs. They pray for them, and they ask Santa for them, and they really really want a dog and Santa brings a box of Legos.

Well, think about asking for several years and then, Mom brings home a guy. The kid likes him and it's like they're going to do all they can to become a family. Then, she doesn't want the guy anymore because he reminded her of something which was bad in her past.”

“Oh!”

“It's dramatic. It's very emotional. They forgot about the wreckage of their relationship and that was the kid. My parts were there, but I embellished to show the anguish.”


He had tears in his eyes, “Your voice says it's said.”


They're trying to get me Oscars and awards so that my career will be established.”

He nodded, “Good!”

“Apparently, they let her see it. Now she's emotional.”

He giggled. “It says you did real good.”


She came back in, and I asked, “Do you think the part was good?”


Yes.”

“How much did they keep of my adlibbing?”

She looked at me and asked, “How much did you adlib?”


A lot. The scene was supposed to have stopped when she looked in the bedroom door. Anything after that was my adlibbing.”


She looked shocked, “Oh my God! That's what made the movie!”. She started to tear up again and said, “The way you acted in it. I knew you were heartbroke. She acted like she could give a care less, but you were! The way you threw yourself on that bed and just cried! I knew you were a helluva actor!”

I nodded, “Good. At least they kept that in. I was afraid they'd take it out.”


She laughed, “Now I know why they were so shocked and happy with you!” She looked away, “I knew you were good because I saw the movie, but I didn't know what was supposed to have been taken out or what the script held.”


I nodded, “Let's hope.”

She gave me a look, “Liev might win for his part, but she won't.” The way her voice sounded, I knew she wasn't happy with that character. She gave me a look, “She shouldn't have been a mother!”

I nodded, “I understand. I think they cast the wrong person, but hey... I think they put her in because of her name and that's it. She said it was because she wanted to be in a film with him, but there weren't that many times they were on the set together. She DID have some scenes with me, but there weren't that many either.”

She nodded, “You were great in it. He'll probably get Director of the Year because of what he let you do in that adlib. IF he does, he needs to give you the credit because you saved that movie from being a bomb.”

“They're supposed to be giving me another Oscar contender.”

She smiled, “Good!”

“I've yet to get the script for this one, but it's not that long.”

She nodded, “And then what?”


A voice part.”

She nodded, “Your voice is unique.”

“It's the only one I've got!”

She smiled, and he said, “Ok, I've got you measured. Give me a few moments and I'll have you with some clothes to try.”


He went out and she smiled, “I apologize for getting so emotional.”

I shrugged, “I've not seen it in the finished version. He was still having to cut out some to bring it down to size. I figured he'd cut that out.”


She shook her head, “Had he, he'd lost the movie. You could've stolen that entire movie off that scene.”


I couldn't tell you. I know what I did in it and I know what I was supposed to do, but you know as well as me that they get the final decision.”

She smiled, “He kept it in and that's what's going to get you your awards.”

“I'll tell the story on how I prepared for it mentally. Then, they'll see why it made me play it the way I did.”

“What did you do?”


I told her and she sat down and really cried. She nodded, “Do that in all of them. I could tell your heart was broke.”

He came in and I said, “I can't take her anywhere...We went to a funeral once...”

She started laughing and I said, “See, total opposite!”


She smiled, “You tell him that story!”

I smiled and started telling him. He laughed and I said, “Life's fun.”

I tried on the clothes and threw my hair. She came over and said, “You can wear clothes like they belong on you. Rayne's over there putting clothes on like he's a model and he belongs on the runway.”

“I keep telling him that! He said he'd like to do that, so we are.”


She smiled, and put on my sunglasses. The guy said, “Oh, that made the world of difference!”

She smiled, “Accessories on you make the finishing touch.”

I nodded, “I want to find a way to have all the sunglasses laid out on the dresser and all the watches over so they're all displayed.”

He said, “I'll get you something!”

“Thank you.”

He gave me a look, “I will deliver everything so you are set up!”

I nodded, “Ok. That's fine.”. I looked down, “May I wear these home?”


He nodded real fast, “Yes!”

We went out and I saw Rayne looking. He looked like a million dollars. I said, “Sis, I've gotta go pick up that guy. He's lookin' all sorts of hot over there!”

She giggled and Rayne looked over. He looked surprised and I went over and hugged him. He said, “You look great!”

“And so do you!”


He smiled, “What now?”


We need to go someplace and eat.”


He looked at me, “Where?”


She said, “I'll make a call to Spago. You two are dressed for it.”

I chuckled, “If we go in separate vehicles, it's going to be a mess!”

She motioned, “Take these to the cars and let's walk!”

I nodded, “Ok. Where's it at?”


Two blocks!”

I looked surprised at Rayne and he shrugged. I asked, “How far are we from Wilshire?”


She motioned, “It's right down the street a few blocks.”

“Oh!”

Rayne said, “We got messed up because we've never been shopping here.”

I nodded, “This is too expensive. Look at the parking rates. My God!”


She giggled, “You're funny!”

We walked and looked at all the stores. Rayne smiled at me and I asked, “Are you happy?”


He nodded, “Yeah, this is neat!”

When we go there, we went in and I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it sure wasn't how it looked! We asked for a table and were seated. I got the Grilled Prime New York Steak and and endive salad. Rayne got the Braised Beef Tip Tortellini and Fig Salad. Erica got the Salmon, Artichokes, Baby Carrots, and Asparagus. She got the Endive salad and we got a bottle of Rose.

What's cool is it was early, but we were seated as the crowd came in. Because we were with Erica, a lot of the stars came by to say hello to her. She introduced us to everyone and I made an effort to remember their names.

When our salads came, she said, “Two of those guys are whom you two will be acting in your movies.”

I smiled, “I hope he gets to act with Fassbender.”


She smiled, “No, but you will!”

“Man, I was hoping for Rayne to act with him!”

She giggled, “Rayne's getting Johnny Depp!”

I smiled, “He'll be happy!”

Rayne said, “I'm here you know!”

I looked across the table. “Yes, I'd ask you what you were going to do with the boner while working with him, but this is a public place!”


He looked shocked, “Perhaps I'll not have one!”

“Perhaps!”


Erica giggled and said, “You two!”

I rolled my eyes, and smiled at him, “I love you, but you really need to think about that!”


He smiled, “I love you too, but perhaps I'd have one if I were working with Fassbender!”

I rolled my eyes, “If you were, you would.”

He smiled, “Perhaps!”

She said, “Ask Jeff to switch you!”

I sighed, “I need to look at the Blacklist and see if they've got some which we can produce. That way, we'll have the movies in the works which will get us all of what we need done in the four years.”

She smiled, “You might look. There are several which are really good and several which won't ever get made if they keep them like they are now!”

I nodded, “Yellowstone Falls is one which won't get made. I'm sorry, but don't put animals running for their lives from mutant people around me. That's just terrible! If you're going to do that, have them wearing corporate logos like McDonald's and cattle running for their lives!”


She laughed and Rayne smiled, “That was sick, but it sounded cool. It could be animated and have a couple of them with names like Bessie Mae and Blue Bell.”

“Petunia that crazy sister. She's always hanging out over by the bulls just because she likes how the fence smacks her in the ass when they kick it!”


They laughed and I got tapped on my shoulder. I looked around and saw a guy. “Yes sir?”


He smiled, “You know that's twisted!”

I smiled, “It is when I'm eating steak!”

He laughed, and looked shocked, “You're him!”

I looked shocked, “If it was against the law, (I made my voice like Seargent Schultze 'Hogan's Heros) I know nothing... (I moved it over to Jackie Chan) I see nut hing... (and then moved it over to Amos of Amos and Andy) I never do nuttin' boss, I swear!”


He laughed, “That was good!”


He turned to his date... maybe his wife... “That kid I told you about who made me cry watching that preview??? It's him!”


I looked surprised, “Why is it everyone's seeing it but me!”


He smiled, “The Academy is getting secret glimpses. I voted for you.”

Erica smiled, “Me too!”


I said, “Cool. If I make that good of an impact, they'll release it and let everyone see the thing!”


They laughed and he shook his head, “That role you played was haunting.” He started to tear up and said, “I was told you adlibbed most of it.”

I nodded, “Yeah, it was supposed to have stopped when she looked in the door. I got off into the part and had my say. It became it's own scene.”


He smiled, “And I'm getting chills because you became that boy!”

I nodded, “I mentally prepared myself by thinking about how he'd wished and hoped and had asked Santa for a Dad and kept not getting him until finally, she brought a guy home. Then, when she split up with him, I went with it. That's the reason that scene has the emotions.”

He nodded and looked away. His wife said, “Get him hired!”. She looked over, “He's got a guy who isn't working for a role. Like it or not, the kid can't act to save his life.”

I nodded, “Get me a script. I'm in one real fast and will be done in two weeks. Then, I'm open except for recording some songs.”

Erica said, “Here's the phone. Jeff's on it.”


He took the phone and said, “Jeff? Yeah, it's Rid...”

Jeff said, “He's already been hired to do that role!”


Rid smiled real big, “Ok! I'm glad to hear it! You think it's going to take three weeks???”


Jeff laughed, “If it doesn't, he's going to be leaving your set to go get choreography down for his album!”


Rid looked surprised, “Oh ok!”

Jeff said, “I'm tempted to take Friday afternoons away from you because he's going to be out on the road. People have already heard his music and think he's going to be better at it than he is the movies!”

I looked at Rayne and he was smiling real big. Tears stung my eyes, and Rid asked, “When do I get him?”


He's got a long day tomorrow which might run into Sunday. You can have him Sunday night, but he's yet to get the script!”


I said, “We'll work on that. I'll have it memorized.”


Jeff said, “Ok. Get home!”

“We are. (I hit cockney accent.) You've got to let me eat master... Just a crumb is all I ask!”

They laughed and Erica said, “I'm going out with them.”


She rang off and Rid patted my shoulder and looked over at Rayne, “I've got you next year! It's going to be a huge role for you!”

Rayne smiled, “Ok!”

We ate and then, we got out and walked up the street. On the way, Rayne asked, “What did he direct?”


Blade Runner, Aliens...”

Erica said, “Gladiator, Promethius, Black Hawk Down.”

I nodded, and Ray' smiled, “Oh ok!”

I said, “Babe, he's working on a sequel to Blade Runner and Promethius. Which one, I don't know.”

Erica said, “Prom'. It's the Prequel to Alien. You'll probably be brought in to do the Alien remake.”


Cool!”

My phone rang, “Hello?”


Jeff said, “You need to come by and get this script.”

“Ok.”

“He's surprised, but he's really happy!”

“He voted for me to get that award.”


He laughed, “You're NOT supposed to know about that!”

“I hope more vote for me!”

“You need 83 votes to get it.”

“Ok. It's going to be tough because a lot of them are voting against their own stuff to get it in the bag!”

He said, “I know of several others who have voted. I won't say how they voted, but it's safe to say you've got the momentum.”

“Good!”

He laughed, “It's going to make you in more demand than ever!”

“Pass it on to Rayne.”

“He's got his own fan club happening! You two being seen there was a stroke of brilliance!”

“It was happenstance. Our cars were already at the parking lot and Spago was 2 blocks away.”

He laughed, “It's good you were seen. Now they know who you are and they're happy!”

I said, “We're at the cars. Can I write this off since we discussed business multiple times?”


He laughed real loud, “Yeah!”

“Good. I've never paid this much to park anything! I'd've parked my scooter on the sidewalk!”

“It's downright expensive in New York. You'd pay $75 in some locations!”

“Man!”

“That's because the demand for overnight parking is so high. When you get to an area where you've got the theater district competing, they boost it high. That's why you'll be taking the limo a lot up there.”

“Ok!”


I'll have a meeting with you guys about how to do everything in regards to investments. You're going to be making a lot of money really fast.”

“Oh ok!”

I rang off and got into the car. They were already waiting in theirs. We got out of the parking lot and drove on out to the ranch.

When we got there, we pulled up front, and I said, “Let's go get things to drink!”.


Erica said, “Nothing alcoholic!”

I rolled my eyes, “No Ma, nothing alcoholic! We don't have a thing to drink in the house!”

We went to Vons where we grocery shopped and bought everything needed for us for the entire week.

Erica laughed, “You two surprise me with how domestic you are together!”

I smiled, “Girl, we've gotta eat! You'd be amazed at how domestic you get when it's food you need on the table!”


We found a LOT of good buys. I kept commenting about how cheap things were and buying in massive quantities. By the time we were finished, I think my cart had 5 cases of every kind of soft drink down on the bottom!


When we got outside, we loaded everything into the Mercedes. Erica said, “Guys, I'm glad you thought of these things. I don't know who is going to be there, but you've got everything!”

I said, “It's supposed to be catered. We shall see, but if they don't show, we've got everything we need.”


We got back and I loaded the refrigerator. While I did so, Rayne got all of our toiletries upstairs and into our bathrooms. When he came downstairs, he said, “Tomorrow night, we shop! Do you realize either have to find towels, or we're going to have to take them from other bedrooms?”


Take them from other bedrooms. If you need them. We'll buy some more, but I need to have clean ones!”

He smiled, “They're already there!”

“Thanks.”

Erica laughed, “You two!”


I smiled, “Sis, you take the first up at the top and to the right. The one to the left is his bedroom. Mine is all the way to the other end.”

She looked shocked, “You don't sleep together?”


I cocked my head, “No!”


Rayne laughed, “We've never slept together unless it's been on the sofa! The one time we had sex, that didn't even happen! Yeah, I've slept in his bed at his parent's and he's slept in mine, but nothing happened!”

I packaged up the ham, turkey, roast beef, and pointed, “I'm using those pots and pans for cooking!”

He got a sheet cake pan out and said, “Here, use this! I'll help make some cheese burgers and we'll bake them in the oven!”

I nodded, “Ok. I'll make omelets too.”

We got busy and I cracked eggs. Erica stared in shock, “What are you doing!”

“This sheet cake pan... Omelets!”

“That many eggs!”

I smiled and Rayne laughed, “It takes eggs to make omelets!”


She sat on a barstool and I cracked 18 eggs. I put in half a cup of water and then started grinding salt and pepper. I got out the Pam and sprayed it into the pan. Then, poured it into the sheet cake pan and put it into the oven.

As soon as I shut the door, I said, “Sis, we have a system. We make everything up ahead and get them froze. When we have time in the morning, we microwave everything and we're out the door.”


She asked, “What are you going to do about school?”


I pointed, “We'll have to get our transcripts and find a school, or do it online.”

Rayne chuckled, “We're going to have to go online! I'm not going to be a valley boy!”


I stared, “You DO realize that was the San Fernando Valley, right?”


He stared, “Huh?”


Glendale, Burbank, San Fernando, Hidden Hills, and Calibasas. We're in the Simi Valley which doesn't mean much unless you're a fruit!”


He smiled and Erica laughed. I started undoing thick Kraft American cheese slices and folding them over so they were double thick. Erica asked, “What are you doing?”


Making cheese for the omelets!”

She took the cheese and started. We got the package done and I got the omelets out of the oven. I showed her how we cut them into sixteen omelets and then put the cheese in and folded them. She said, “Neat!”

“You put those onto biscuits with ham, sausage, or bacon and you've got breakfast!”

She smiled, “Ok!”

I got the biscuits going and said, “I'm going to teach you a thing about cooking yet!”


She laughed and Rayne said, “We do a lot of things ahead!”


She said, “I see that!”

I put the hamburger patties on the baking sheet and got those into the oven under the broiler. The door got shut and I said, “WE let the omelets cool and then, we'll finish them. In the meanwhile, we'll make everything for the cheeseburgers.”


I handed her the cheese and said, “Same thing, but criss cross the cheese.”

She smiled, “Ok!”

“When you microwave the cheese leaks out. If it's piled up in that criss cross, it doesn't leak out!”

She laughed, “Ok! I hadn't thought of that!”

We got everything to going. I said, “As soon as they come out of the oven, we flip them over, put the mustard on and get the cheese on them. As the cheese is sitting there, we put the onions on and get it all back under the boiler where they finish cooking. If you want pepper, you put it on the mustard and under the cheese.”

Rayne said, “He'll show you a lot about cooking.”

I smiled, “Rayne will show you how to eat!”


He smiled, “I let you do the cooking!”


I frowned, “Where do you think we can get four of those 36 inch kid's balls.”

He frowned, “Why?”


I just had a flash thought of a drag queen named Boy Aunt (Buoyant)... You've heard of Ellie Mae? Well, she's Nellie Fae. She's got two of those big balls for ass cheeks and two for boobs and wears Daisy Dukes and a polka dotted bikini. I”m thinking about having her Daisy Dukes go into the cheeks of her ass so that when a guy runs up on her, he goes on in and you don't see him anymore! All you see are his legs!”

They laughed and I said, “We'd have to make her bra the same way. That way when he runs for a hug, she holds her arms open and he runs on in between. She does the hug and he walks out looking punch drunk.”

He laughed, “Why'd you think of that!”

I pointed, “I imagined her with her head in the oven and the cheeks being so big that it looks like two hogs trying to get into the oven!”


They laughed and I pointed, “Let's get those buns ready. They've got to be in the oven.”


Erica asked, “Why?”


I stared, “Hon, have you ever had a bun in the oven?”


She laughed real loud and said, “NO!”

I smiled, “If you put your buns in the oven for about 15 minutes, it makes them toasty and the outer part crunchier... It's like having a loaf of bread fresh out of the oven, that outer crust is crunchy.”

She looked surprised, “OH!”

“It adds to the crunch when you bite into your cheeseburger.”


She smiled, “I bet you're a good cook!”

I nodded, “It helps to survive. I tried surviving without cooking until I got hungry, but that didn't last long.”


We got everything readied and I brought the hamburger patties out. I flipped them and got the mustard put on. Then, peppered, and got the cheese and onions on. We put everything into the oven and got the buns in on a different rack.

When I shut the door, I said, “We need to get the utilities put into our name here. I know it's going to be expensive, but it has to be done.”


I got the Banquet Biscuits out and put onto a cookie sheet. I pointed, “These are the same as what they use in a lot of the restaurants. Hardee's says theirs are homemade, they just don't say they're baked fresh and made in a factory. And KFC uses the same as their biscuits, so you see them everywhere.

We bake them and then, get the breakfast sandwiches ready. I'll bake those and then, we'll bake the sausage patties as the sausage patties stink everything up.”


We got everything ready. I pointed, “If you put salt and pepper on your sausage patties before they cook, you'll have a good flavor.”

She smiled, “Ok!”

“Usually, I'll get a roll of RB Rice sausage and will have them slice it. That way, we have our patties from a roll. We do the same with our hamburger... They do it if they've got everything fresh. A lot of them won't slice it because they don't have the equipment in the back to do so.

That's why you never get meat at Walmart. It's all brought in by truck and they don't do a thing in the back. And that's why only the deli will slice up your meat for you.”


When the hamburger patties came out, I pulled the buns out and thumped the top of them. I put in the biscuits.

I turned around and started putting the bun tops on the cheese and onions. I said, “You let them rest and they take back in some of the juices. If you don't, you have a dry burger when they're microwaved.”

Rayne said, “We learned to put the foil on the bottom of the cookie sheets so that they don't get brown from the oils.”

I said, “As your meat cooks, it splatters. That vaporizes and it gets onto all the metals in the oven because those surfaces are hot. If you think about it, you get finished and you turn up your oven to the hottest setting and let it cook for an hour. That way, it's cleaning your oven for you instead of letting it cool down and bake on.

When you do an oven clean, it does the same thing. You're basically putting on both the cook and the broil elements at the same time and hyper heating the oven. All the heat is what's baking off the grease... It's sort've like an incinerator in there which does the same as cremating the fats.”


She looked shocked and made a face. I smiled, “I know it's not pleasant, but it's a whole lot easier to clean your oven by vacuuming with a vacuum cleaner nozzle than all those chemicals you reheat and cook into your food!”


When the biscuits were heated, I pulled them out and put the sausage in. When I shut the door, I asked, “Ok, what has he told you about our careers?”


She said, “He's putting the best movies at you so that he's getting the most money from your careers during the first 4 years.”

I nodded, “He's making the most money. As they go along, he's having to pay more and more. After a while, he's getting into more and more money, which necessitates those to be hits... or, we're screwed on making that much.”
I nodded, “What we're doing is we're banking on them doing just that. That way, when it comes time for us to go free agent, we're banking on what they made money upon. Then, we can ask for the really big money, and be more selective on our role choices and make hit after hit.

Jeff's thinking that I'll sign back on for that $10,11, and 12 million. I'll tell you now that this package is a one time deal. After that, we make the money, not them.”

I looked over at Rayne and said, “The odds are that he and I will go like Martin and Lewis, Abbott and Costello, and Hope and Cosby so that we can bankroll the hits and make the money.

It's been a long time since they've had a comedy duo. Yeah, there was Cheech and Chong. Our advantage is we can afford the writers and will have the routines perfected. He'll be the straight man and I'll be the gag man.”

She asked, “Why?”


Because I'll never disrespect him. And I'll never disrespect our audience.”

I looked at her and walked over, “Here's what I learned watching Jerry Lewis doing his interviews.

First of all, he's never once talked bad about anyone in the business. Yes, he's talked about some who took advantage, and screwed him over, but he's not talked about most of the people in the business.

Second of all, the two things he's talked about which brought up controversy are gays, and women in comedy.”

She nodded, “Yeah, and I don't like him because of it.”

I stared, “Before you say that, I'm going to come to his defense. Eight years before he said what he said about women in comedy, he lauded Carol Burnett. That says that he didn't mean what he said in the way it was taken.
Second of all, I understand HIS MEANING because you have to understand his entire career before you judge an old man's meanderings verbally.

When he did his comedy, he never once went blue (sexual), political, or racial with the jokes. He said that he didn't have to do blue because there was enough funny stuff out there without degrading the audience.

He also said political was too topical... which I understand. What that means is if you look back on it 50 years from now, you're looking at him doing jokes about Truman??? No. His stuff is funny because it didn't limit him to that time.

He didn't do racial because he had too many friends who were different. He's Jewish, he had Italian friends, and he had Sammy Davis Jr., whom he said was a really close friend. When you're friends with someone, you don't do jokes which might demean them.

What he meant about women in comedy is this... He meant that today's women have went raunchy with their jokes and it's demeaned them. I understand because you can't respect a woman who is up there doing humor who's talking about her vagina as a cunt! I'm sorry, but it gags me, it demeans me as an audience member because directly, I've paid for that ticket and it's me sponsoring that raunch.

Like men who use racist jokes or jokes which demean women, others, and their so-called friends, you have to wonder why they're doing it! I mean, if you're treating everyone around you like filth to get your 15 minutes, what the hell are you going to do the other 23.75???”

She nodded, “I hadn't thought about that!”

I nodded, “The man's delightful. I want you to watch his interviews and see him talk about people. You'll see he held up everyone and you'll see the only ones he took axes to were those who deserved it.

What I'll tell you is this... Take a look at the rest of the crowd and you'll see they're dead. I think that his positive outlook on life is what has kept him alive.

He won't tell anyone why he got involved in the MDA before it was the MDA, he doesn't have to... His actions have done more.

What I'll tell you is people jumped down on a man who should've been told, “When you donate $1.7 BILLION dollars to a cause and 50 years of your fuckin' life, you have room to talk! Until then, shut the fuck up!”

Yeah, he made jokes about fags. I'll tell you this... Until recently, gays haven't done themselves any favors.”

She looked shocked and I nodded, “Yeah, I'll pat the people at Stonewall on the back, but ask me to do it to all the dumb motherfuckers who set us back on the Jerry Springer Show and I'll punch them in their cocksuckers and call them fags too!”

Rayne said, “Simmer down!”

I nodded and looked away, and said lower, “Erica, when women get up there and demean women as a group, you hate them. I hate those who undercut us and made us look stupid.
They did us no favors! Those who have did Latin Comedy as the dumb Mexican did them no favors! Blacks who did comedy as being inferior did them no favors! BUT, Blacks who do comedy demeaning everyone else including women they refer to bitches and ho's do them no favor either... And yeah, Chris Rock and those people need to grow the fuck up!

When I do comedy, I'm not doing it at the expense to anyone but me. I'll hold him up, you up, and everyone else, but I'll do it to make myself look the clown and yet, when I walk off the stage, I'll uphold myself.

Self depreciating comedy is clown comedy. It's for the gag, and it's one which has you laughing AT that person who is doing it to himself. It's brilliant, but it's on stage. Anyone who does it off the stage doesn't like himself and sure as hell isn't acting for respect!

Why will I do it??? Because it's what brings in the dough, cash, denero, moulah, so on and so forth.

When Martin and Lewis hung it up, they had $200 million worth of contracts being thrown at them. That was after 10 years. Think about it because they ended it because all you heard about was Jerry Lewis, not Dean Martin.”

I paused, “Let me state one thing... Watch Jerry Lewis talk about Dean Martin and if you don't say to yourself afterward, “Man, that man loved that man...”. I paused, and looked away. “He loved him.” I pointed, “I love Rayne, but I do so upholding him and knowing he is upholding me.

IF he progressively drank more and more in order to be around me, I'd ask me if it were me who was indirectly causing it. Dean Martin drank MORE after getting off stage than he did prior to going on! He saw that and said, “Uh oh, it's me!”, whereas I'll tell you there were a lot of reasons for Dean's drinking.”

She asked, “Why?”


Ok. First of all, think about where they came from. They came from poor stock. That's one thing... When you suddenly have the money they had coming in, you have an outrageous fortune.”
I paused, “Here's what I mean... He was talking about the money and the fame in this interview and you don't get the idea it was a lot, but it was...

Whereas people were making a whole $20 to $30 a week, they started performing at that amount. Then, it went to $150. Then, in a month, it was $6000. Then, it's $20,000. Then, it's $200,000 a movie TWICE a year!!! PLUS going out and making that $20,000 a week for the other 36 weeks a year.

When you're making that and people are throwing contracts at you to do more and more and more, it's because you're in demand. It's because you have a product which makes them feel better. It's because it's not demeaning to anyone. And it's making everyone laugh at the same time...black, white, yellow...men, women, and everyone!”

She nodded, “Ok.”

“The only person who wasn't laughing was Dean. Jerry looked at it and said, “Oh man, he gave up a singing career to do this shit and he's getting nothing out of it except to hear about Jerry Lewis and not him!”
Jerry looked at it and loved the man, but he couldn't put the man through it because at the end of the day, there has to be a man.

Dean took the break up personally. What no one saw was that Dean got persecuted for the break up just as much as Jerry.”

I paused and looked away, “What they didn't do was they didn't communicate. Whereas Jerry was thinking of the man and loving him enough to let him go, Dean blamed himself for the breakup afterward. They didn't communicate.”

I looked over at Rayne, “I love this man here. I'll tell you that we could do everything in the world but make love. If it were great in that bedroom, we'd be the best couple on the planet together. Instead, it's just not good for us there. We communicated, and we realized the mistake.”


Erica asked, “Is that feeling mutual?”


I looked at Rayne, “Is it?”


Rayne said, “I don't know who loves each other more. I'll tell you I love him for everything he's done for me, but he'll tell you he loves me for everything I've done for him.”

I said, “We're brothers. We're each other's family. We're all we have for each other who uphold the other because no one else in our families will do it.”

My voice quieted, “His brother is a bastard. I'd say it a different way if I could, but I can't.

What that fucker will do is he'll come and rob him to take the money home to his parents and say that he EARNED it. Well, he didn't... Rayne did.

What pisses me off is this... Their parents feed into that bullshit. The one will get patted on the head for robbing the other, but they'll turn and look at Rayne and will go, “Why can't you be more like your brother???”, and I'm looking at it and going, “Uh, the broke dick motherfucker would have to get a job first!!!”.”


Erica laughed, “OH man!”

I nodded, “Here's the deal. When the fuck comes up and steals my money to take home to Mom and Dad, it had me pissed. It had me pissed enough that I was going to call the police and get him sent to jail.” I pointed, “Rayne wouldn't let me! Because he wouldn't let me, I had a whole lot of anger.
Finally, Rayne and I had a talk. I told him that was the last time I was putting up with it, and that the next time, Rayne would go out the door too.”

Rayne said, “At that point, I had to make a decision. Do I let my family ruin what was good for me? Or, do I let them go and do what's good for me.”

I nodded, “What pisses me off is this... I can't publicly tell it however much I'd love to do so. Why? Because there's not one police report to substantiate it. Why?” I nodded to Rayne. “I forgive, but I won't forget. The second Rayne ever says that it didn't happen, we're finished. I'll walk away from him and fuck him and everyone else who wants to stand up and tell me it didn't happen!”

I looked over, “There's anger. There's hurt. And there's pain.” I caught my breath and shook my head no, “I'm letting it go. The day he thinks he can let them into this house, I'll go buy my own pistol and end it once and for all... Rayne can let them take the bullet, or he can step up and take it himself.”

Erica looked shocked, “You don't mean that!”

I nodded, and Rayne said, “He means it. He was going to do it before, and I talked him out of it.”

I said, “We're all we've got. If he wants to backslide back into the cesspool, he does so alone.” I looked over, “Our deal is that we buy each other out... The second he thinks he can buy me out here, I take my 50%, and I go back to Tarzana. That's why that house will never be sold.”
I looked over, “Erica, I worked to pull myself out of what I was living in. I knew he hated what he was in, but each time he got close to pulling himself out, he'd get robbed, and get sucked back in.

When I pulled him out, it was me throwing the life preserver. I didn't throw it to the entire family, I threw it to him. He knows that, and the second he wants to jump out of the ship with the ring to go get his family, I cut the rope holding it on and let me sail on alone.”

I looked away, “Is that conditional? Yeah. Do I mean it? FUCK YEAH! And I'll always mean it.

He saved his family once and damned near got cut loose. What's funny is that was the last time I got shown a pistol because I think he told his brother that the next time I was prosecuting him and his brother.”

She looked shocked and I nodded, “The ship sails on... Like it or not, I'll cut him loose.”


I waved my hand, “$50 million dollars and it's half mine...I say that because you look at how it goes if he's made to buy me out.

First of all, I won't leave and give it to him. Second of all, he'll be $25 million poorer which means it's $25 million closer to the poor house for him. And it means it's $25 million less they get to steal from him before there's zero as a balance in that account.

When that happens, I'll pay him the $25 million I've got and will step in as he steps out... And the day he thinks about stepping back onto this property, is the day, I call the police before I deal with him, his family, or the fuckin' problem called THEM!

I'm stronger. He's learned to be strong, but I'm stronger.”

I looked over at Rayne, “I love you, but I love myself more. The day you let that happen again, I'm done.”

Rayne nodded, “I know!”


Erica said, “Forgive! Damn!”


I looked over, “The sausage needs two more minutes. I'll be up getting my things!”

I looked over at her, “When you tell Jeff I just walked out, you tell him you negated my feelings! I'll be telling him I need new people!”


I walked out of the kitchen and Rayne came running, “HEY! I didn't do anything!”


I turned, “You didn't... You let it happen!”


I stalked back into the kitchen, “Listen here bitch! Before you tell me I don't have feelings, you hear one fuckin' thing! That night, his brother didn't just take money! He raped me and made Rayne watch. NO, Rayne didn't do a fuckin' thing... And for that, there's a whole helluva lot of anger!”
My voice lowered, “Before I take another dick up my ass from anyone I don't want, I'll kill the whole fuckin' bunch!!! Like it or not, THAT is what I can't get over! And THAT is why I won't let Rayne and I back into a relationship!”


She stared with a slack jaw. I looked over, “I loved him, and I was saving myself for him. He moved in and I told him I wanted the relationship to build before I gave myself sexually. Two nights into that, his brother robs us and raped me with Rayne watching.

Did I want to prosecute??? Oh sister, you have no fuckin' clue how I wanted to prosecute! Was I pissed??? Yeah. And he got blamed too.

I love him, but I can't let it happen anymore. Because of that, he says he'll wait and hopes I'll forgive him. I'll tell you and everyone else that I just can't let that happen to me anymore.

When you demean me, my feelings, and everything, perhaps you need to know the entire story. You do, and the next time you ever... EVER want to say I'm an unforgiving bitch, perhaps you need to be made to lay there and have what you wanted to give one raped from you by the other!

One deserves to die. If his family wants to uphold him to me, they need to get the fuck away. And anytime Rayne wants to go back to that bunch and pick them over me, he needs to get the fuck away!”

I looked at Rayne, “I don't know if I'll ever get to that point. As much as I love him, I can't trust that he won't let it happen again.”


Erica asked, “Do you really think he wanted it to happen?”


I gave her a look and Rayne said, “Erica, leave him alone!”

She yelled, “He's victimizing you too!”

I nodded, “Why yes, I am!”


I walked out and up the stairs. As I did, I dialed Jeff, “Hello?”

“I've just fired Erica. Whether Rayne does or not is up to him. I'll tell you now that I've got to move out of this house. I'll stay in a motel, but I can't live here.”


What's going on!”


Jeff, let's just say that I love him, but I can't love him. She says I'm victimizing him, but I guess that just stopped.
What I'll tell you is this... I have 9 movies I need to make. At the end of that, I'll be elsewhere if she stays employed by that company.

In regards to Rayne, he and I are friends. He knows what I feel and he knows it wasn't his fault.”

“I'm heading out there!”

“Do so. I won't be here!”


I rang off and gathered everything up and took it to the car. Rayne came out and I said, “I'm not charging you $25 million for this house. Get my name off it and it's yours.”


He looked at me with tears in his eyes, “I want you!”


Then stand up for us! Fuck, you let it happen again!”


I got in the car and drove off. As I drove, I transferred money to the other cards. When I got to the Reagan, I did a search and called the Beverly Wilshire and got a room reserved. Then, I drove.


As I drove, the phone rang. I didn't even look to see who was calling. It got silenced.




Four years later, I was out on tour. The stadium was filled, and I saw Jeff walking toward me. He asked, “Do you have a moment?”


Yes. Let's go to my dressing room.”


We went in and I motioned, “Have a seat.” I sat down, “What's going on?”


He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, “We need to discuss another contract.”

I looked over, “Jeff, talk with him about his. I have nothing more to say.”

He gave me a look, “He's not signing because he's hoping for you to speak with him.”

“Have I held to my end of everything?” I stared at him.


Yes.”

“You made money?”


Yes.”


Don't count on it being the same. I don't know what he's made, nor do I care. I know what I made and I know I've got six years left in my contract with Armani.

I know he's been told not to speak with me and I know you didn't get rid of her, so there's no reason for me to speak with your company.

You let the bitch say shit about me in private without holding her accountable. He let the bitch say shit about me without hold her accountable. And yet, both of you want forgiveness???

Apologies only cut it so far before I cut ties. You were told that if she wasn't released from her employment I'd not be working for you in 4 years. Well, we're here, and I could care less whether I work for you another day.

Just the same, you fucked me and you know it. That's why you only got TWO movies at $9 million and no more! The day I go beyond the 4 years of that contract, I need what you made from the movie, not a cent less!”

He gave me a look and I nodded, “Now, if you have anything else to say, another gold record, another award for a movie, leave it lay. I'll stack them with all the others.”

I stared at him, “You held to the letter of the contract... Did you not?”


Yes. But you picked that war!”

I nodded, “I sure did. You didn't fire when you should've so I made the movies and didn't go to one award show. Armani wasn't contracted to pay me for any, therefore I didn't go. Lord knows you could've chose better, but hey... I'm a victimizing bitch!”


I shook my head, “I believe you told me you bought me a house once and that you'd never do it again. Did you not?”


Yes.”

“Congratulations. He has a house, and my name had best be off the motherfucker!”


I'm not sure what he's done.” He glared at me and said, “I'm not offering another contract.”


I nodded, “I've already got a 3 movie deal with Disney. The papers get signed the day after my contract is finished.

In regards to music, I've got the deal through Columbia. I'll be producing everything I'll do in the future... And yes, by the way, you fucked me on that too. Thank GOD I fucked you back on those archives!”


He gave me a look, “I profited more.”


Yes you have. I hope it keeps you warm at night. Now, the door is that way. This is my last concert, if you have more booked, I hope you get sued.”


I walked out and went up to my manager, “Either get the motherfucker on the road, or watch me walk!” I stabbed the air with my thumb over my shoulder, “If that cocksucker isn't out of here by stage time, you get the limo here because I'll be walking!”


He's gone!”


I nodded, “Let's get this done.”


I went up onto stage and went out singing hit after hit. When it was over, I went out and to my dressing room. As soon as the door was shut, I dialed the phone, “Hello?”


It's me.”

“MAN! Am I glad to hear your voice!”

“I just did my last concert for the man.”

“What will you be doing?”


I've got offers in Vegas, I'll be taking it for the next 7 months. Disney has offered 3 movies, and Columbia's offered records.”


Will you talk with me?”


Did you sign a contract with him?”


NO! I wanted to know what you were doing!”

“Well, I got fucked on a movie is what I got done.”

“I heard that! I told him he fucked up!”

“Yeah. He knows I hold to my end and he got the 9 albums. There are no Greatest Hits on them, because I won't let him make anything off me.”


It's like we're slugging it out on the charts.”

“It's nothing personal. That's how he's doing everything.” I paused, “I'd like to talk with you.”

“Ok. Name when and where.”

“My house. I'm flying back. As soon as I get there, I'm firing all the help and hiring my own. I've got 2 weeks before the end of that 4 years, and I'll be damned if I am charged a thing by the man afterward.”


Do you think he will?”

“Rayne, my attorneys have the man afraid to move any direction except for what he can do legally. He came tonight, hat in hand, and he wanted to ask me to do another contract. He was allowed because he's the record company putting this concert together, but he's been told that if he had another one scheduled, he'd find that I wouldn't show for it.

I ok'd the schedule all the way up to this one, but I won't give them less than 2 weeks to split the royalties. I want a clear cut when it's done.”


I wish you'd spoke with me. I'm working all the way up to the last weekend.”


He was told that because he and you hadn't fired the bitch, I wasn't holding true to either of you. You'll be told that you'll either fire her, OR, I don't need you in my life. I want you to know that upfront.”

He took a deep breath and I said, “Rayne, I'm ringing off. After all, I'm a manipulative and victimizing bitch. Goodbye.”

“I'll be there!”

“If she's not fired, don't bother!”


I rang off and didn't bother showering or changing clothes. I went out and started walking to the door. Guards, and my manager all ran to catch up.
When I got to the limo, I got in and they piled in behind me.


As soon as the door shut, I said, “Rayne will be coming to the house. You be there and you tell the doorman that if any of his people have come with him, they're to stay out. And if that bitch, Erica, has come with him, you put HIM AND HER off the property!”

He nodded, and I said, “Until hell freezes over, there will be no contracts signed with that record company. There are no Greatest Hits from them, and nothing released which requires my approval.”

“Ok.”

“Get my bank account with them shut and all the funds transferred. You tell their people that I said 'Thank you' for their services, but our contract with them has ran out and I'm not keeping anyone who can can report back to the man.”

“Ok.”

“IF Jeff, or that company calls in the future, you tell him that I told you to politely tell the man to get fucked, to fuck himself, to take the fuckin' he had with him and fuck himself with it, and any other fuckovers he had besides those and to shove them up his own ass!”

“Ok.”

“Cancel our contract with MCAA. I didn't hire them, and no I won't keep them. He got me an agent for the other contracts because he wanted to be a bastard, but hey... I got enough out of them that their fee was paid by him, not me.”

“Do you want me to get you representation?”


No. I've already handled it. Those who I am dealing with know I did it the last time and I stuck myself good by not seeing that 4 years on that contract.

Had it not been to my financial betterment, I'd've stopped touring immediately after I realized the fuckover. Needless to say, when you're paying a man half of what you're making in a concert, you know how Elvis felt. Now I know better.”

I pointed at my ear buds, “Now, if you'll excuse me, it's nothing personal, but there are way too many negative feelings floating in my head. You and the guys didn't do a thing to warrant any of my attitudes, so I'm keeping my mouth shut and the ear buds in.”

When we got to the airport, we went on out to the jet. As soon as the doors were shut, I went up front. The pilot looked up, “Yes, Mo?”


I'm letting your agency go. The record company hired you and I didn't. You can find out if I can hire you through them, and I'll do that.

It won't be this jet. I'll buy my own and we'll handle it that way.”

He nodded, “I'll check. Are you unhappy with us?”


No. It's nothing like that at all. I'm done with my contract with the record company and I'm making a clean break.

Rather than having them bill me for services they're paying you to do, I'll get the bill put into my name, but I won't have this jet. I didn't like it from the beginning, don't like it now, and sure won't be keeping it when I have to pay for it in the future. I can afford better, so I will.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

I went back and sat in a seat. Gray came over, “Mo?”


Yeah.”

“What's next?”


Legally, until the contract is over, I can't and won't do a thing. The day it's over, we wait until the next day and sign contracts to get me into the Venetian.

Other than that, be prepared to have me in a photoshoot to get new merchandising ordered. Use shots from my posters and get new shirts ordered with those shots on them. I own those stills, so we can use them.”

“Ok.”

“Use all the colors I approved for shirts the first year. I deliberately went with ugly shirts and ugly merchandising so that when we got to the end of fuck back, I could release my own and have better.”

“OK.”

“Take the accounting sheets and order ONLY what is selling. If nothing's selling, don't order a damned thing. However, with the shirts, don't order a thing in the colors except for what I approved before the fuckover.”


Ok.”


Gray, the man deliberately did all he could to make money. That's the only reason I'm still here making money. If he made money, so did I. If he didn't, I sure as hell wasn't!”

He nodded, “Ok.”

“I'm needing 24 background dancers for this show at the Venetian. Let's get them hired so I can put it together.”


Ok.”

“Whoever did the stage show for Cher, get them hired. Get me a new band hired, and if he's not fired the one we've got, get that done also.”

“Ok.”

“Don't be surprised if you're not...” I paused, “I'll wait until I see him. I shouldn't get my hopes up.”

He nodded and I held up my ear buds, “It's nothing personal.”

“I know. You like your privacy.”

“Believe it or not, I love having people around me whom I can trust. When it's 50/50 and they're paid by the other side, you don't trust.

In the future, I'll be the one who pays the bills. In doing so, anyone who isn't loyal will be fired immediately.”


What about the contract with Disney?”


It's already scheduled for 9am that morning. I'll be driving there... After all, it's me who is begging the job, not them.”

“Ok.”

I put in my ear buds and let the plane and everything else tone out.


When we got to the airport, I gave everyone hugs. “Guys, thanks!”


I expected the limo to be there. It wasn't. Gray said, “I'll make a call and get us a ride.”

“No. Call Rolls Royce out in Thousand Oak.”

“That will probably take a long time.”

“Here. I've got the card that man gave me. He told me 20 minutes if they've got one in inventory.”

He looked surprised, “Really!”

I nodded, as I was already dialing my phone.”Hello?”


Jared?”


Yes!”

“It's Mojave. I'm at the airport and need to know if you can bring me a Phantom Drophead.”

“Which one?”


What do you have in inventory?”


We don't have any Dropheads. We've got two ghosts. One is black and the other is gray.”


Short wheel base?”


Yes.”

“What other convertibles do you have?”


I've got several Bentley.”

“Nah, bring me the Gray Ghost. I'll drive it.”


You're at the private facility at LAX?”


Yes.”

“I'll be there in about 30 minutes.”

“Ok.I'll be here.”


I rang off and said, “He doesn't have any Dropheads but he does have a Gray Ghost.”

“Those are nice.”


Remind me to make a call and get a Super Bright Red Ferrari Spyder.”

“I can make that call.”

“No. I want to speak with them and get what I want ordered on it. This Ghost will probably become the house car. Lord knows I wanted a convertible.”


If you're in Vegas, they might provide one.”

“It's limo service over there. To be honest, if it takes 40 minutes to get here from there by air, or it takes 40 minutes to drive to a house in Vegas, you know I'm coming home and sleeping in my own bed.”

“Are the bills in your name here?”


Yes. After I had to pay for it, I wasn't letting them do a damned thing for me in regards to this place!”

“You got a helluva deal!”

“It's a bank foreclosure. The dumb bitch counted on his income to pay for it. As soon as their marital contract was over, he dumped her like yesterday's news.”


I wasn't aware of that!”

“She wanted twins like everyone else was having. Lord knows they can give you designer children out here!”

“You want some?”


Good God NO!I just got finished raising myself, I sure as hell don't need anyone else to raise!”


He laughed real loud. I smiled, “If that was a test to see if I'm still sober, you got that test passed!”

He laughed harder, “No! But you never know!”

“Let me be a little more honest than that. Ok?”


Yes.”

“Perhaps when I turn 30, I'll be settled enough to have children. I doubt it, but you never know.

What I do know is that with my schedule now, and everything I've got going, I'm not going to bring a kid into this world just to have a nanny raise it.

For me to have a kid now, I think everyone would be scratching their heads and asking themselves if I was being dishonest with them and keeping someone out of the spotlight. As soon as I have someone, it'll be a decision I'll make with him.”

“Ok.”

I pulled my phone and said, “I'm going to the restroom. I should be getting a call telling me he's here.”

“Ok.”

I went in and dialed Rayne, “Hello?”


It's me again... Listen, I'm giving you a forewarning about how things just went with that fucker. As soon as the plane landed, there was no limo.”

“WHAT!”

“Yeah. So don't go to the airport and expect a ride, or don't expect limo service after you tell him to get fucked.”

“I just did!”

“You were in Sacramento?”


No. I'm in Tahoe!”

“Well, he flew from Sacramento to get there! I told him to get fucked and just got back to find no limo.”

“That bastard!”

“Rather than playing into it, I've called out to Thousand Oaks Rolls Royce and am having a Gray Ghost brought in.”

“Man, that sounds nice!”

“It's the one they had. I'll leave my name off it if you want it. All I want is a ride home.”

“Why don't you want it?”


It's not a Drophead, but hey, it's a ride home and can be a house car if you don't want it!”


Cool!”


Are you flying in?”


I'm coming in tomorrow. We got a helluva snow storm up here.”


It was rain in Sacramento... He flew in and you can't fly out?”


Uh, I didn't think about that! Do you think he shut off my jet?”


He didn't me! Had he, I'd went public with the bullshit up there!”


I'm going to check to see if he fucked with me!”

“Ok. Let me know! I'll have you one chartered in no time!”

“How do you do that?”


Call Delta Charters. They have smaller jets.”

“Really?”


Yeah, I'm not going that direction. I'll be going with buying my own jet and hiring the crew to fly it.”


Cool!”

“Well, let me ring off and you find out. If you need it, I'll make calls.”

“Ok!”

I rang off and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”


Was your jet able to fly out of Tahoe?”


Yeah. Why?”


Did you pull his jet?”


NO!”

“I was wondering. I sure as hell know my limo got pulled!”


WHAT!”

“No limo here at the airport, but that's ok. I've already dialed and got a Ghost on it's way.”
I sighed, “Jeff, I can't say you did or didn't pull the limo or his jet. What I know is this... If you didn't, you call them and tell them that if I had any inkling as to whether I was going to sign that contract, there's no way in hell I'm signing it now.

In regards to him, he's on his way back and will be coming to my house to have us talk. It's safe now because I've fired everyone who has worked for you and have told them the contract is over and won't be renewed.

That way, if there WAS anyone on the payroll who was keeping eyes open for you, that's ended. You now know I kept my end. My next call will be to my attorney to let him know that the limo isn't here and you ended it prematurely so it's quite alright to go ahead and get me those other contracts to sign. I was going to wait until the day after, but if you're going to break things two weeks from the end, I will also.”

“I didn't...!”

“I'd like to believe you. Furthermore, let me state this... The second my server is fucked with I'll press the kill button on yours. Got that?”


I hope you know this line is recorded!”

“Yeah, and I hope you know that the second you fuck with my server, I won't give a damn! You call it what you will, but I'm calling it what I will too!”

“I hadn't thought about that!”

“It'll be off line as soon as I make the call.”

“MINE?”


No, mine. Believe me, you're going to think I killed yours, but hey, the second you file the lawsuit against me, you'd best have a computer man who doesn't bury you!”

“What does that mean!”

“It means my server has been supporting yours as life support because you've been too fuckin' cheap to buy a new one!”

“What do you want for yours?”


Uh, let's see...How much did my last movie make you??? I think you can afford a computer man and a server a lot cheaper than you can fuckin' with me.

Just understand that in your code is a kill code which when I dial the motherfucker in, you're dead in the water. So fuck with mine out of petty spite, and you're dealing with payback.”


You DO KNOW you could be arrested for that threat, right?”


I'll ring off and call my attorney. You do know that a contract which when violated doesn't matter if you violated it all the way up to the last day, it's still breached, right?”


I rang off and dialed Robert.”Hello?”


It's Mo.”

“Yes Mo!”


He came to Sacramento and got told no. Low and behold, when I get back here into the city, there's no limo service. The uncanny part of it is that Rayne told him no, and now Rayne's jet is unable to fly out of Tahoe.”

“They're getting snow.”

“I find that interesting... Jeff's plane was able to fly in and out of that airport!”

“HUH?”


Yeah, but Rayne's jet can't fly??? I find that real fuckin' interesting! Now, you tell him that if he wants to fuck with, you are standing behind me because he's now threatening my server hooked to theirs.”

“Didn't you say that yours was keeping his alive?”


Yeah. And now he's violating contracts with limos, so do I have to keep his alive until the end of that contract with my server?”


Ooh, I'll stand behind you. Get your server removed!”

“Ok. I'm making the call now. What happens if they won't let my computer guy into the building?”


Uh, can you shut yours down remotely?”


Yeah. And I can shut his down too.”

“I'd get everything backed up on yours and would shut it down.”

“Mine's backed up through a system which also does back up for Department of Defense, so I know no one's getting a court order to get into that system!”


He laughed, “Slick, I like that!”

“It's in Chicago. My guy is the one who set it up and bought me my back up on it. For the cost, it was a damned decent deal.”

“Good! Tell him to get it and if they won't let him in to kill yours and then call me.”

“Ok.”

“Are you and Rayne on speaking terms again?”


I will have to tell you that answer officially when I know.
What I know is he's been invited to my house to talk. He's been told to fire the bitch, but then again, if she's pulled from him because he's refusing to renew his contract, you know that's what happened.”

“Which is a clear violation of his contract too.”

“Yes.”

“Find out. I can't represent him, but I can you. I'm making a call in regards to our limo.”

“Ok. But sue him for enough that he has to pay for the Ghost I just ordered.”

He laughed, “Oh, you'll be able to buy a fleet of them!”


I rang off and dialed Taj, “Hello?”


Is everything backed up?”


Yeah.”

“Wanna go get my server?”


Ok.”

“If they won't let you into the building, stand in front of the guard and kill it.”

“Ok. You know that's going to kill his too, right?”


Damn the luck!”

He laughed, and I said, “My attorney gave that order. You know we've got protection.”

“Ok. Can I go ahead and kill ours?”


Yeah. I see no problem with that as long as we've got backup.”


Give me about three seconds... Ok, ours is committing suicide and shutting down.”

“Thanks.”

I rang off and dialed Rayne, “Hello?”

“What did you find out?”


My jet is pulled.”

“Are your people?”


I don't know. They're all here with me, so I'd say not!”

“Want me to charter you one? Or do you want to speak with my attorney about the breach of contract?”

“Both!”

“Ok. I'll make the calls. Be prepared for my attorney to call.”


Ok.”

I rang off and dialed Robert, “Hello?”


Listen to this! The dumbass pulled Rayne's jet!”

“Ok...”

“Rayne wants to speak with you about the breach of contract.”

“He SAYS he didn't pull a thing!”

“Rayne's pilot says otherwise...”

“OH!”

“I'm hiring him a jet.”

“Tell him I'll be up there to pick HIM up at the airport.”

“Ok.”

I rang off and dialed Rayne, “Hello?”


It's me. Robert isn't going to call. He's going to fly up there to get you.”

“I have no way out to the airport!”

“Call a taxi cab. You'd better be carrying those cards in your shoes!”

“Oh man, I've got them!”

“Take a taxi. I'll tell him you're on your way.”

“It takes a few hours for him to get here!”


I know. I just flew in!”


And you've got a Rolls coming?”


Yeah.”

“Damn! You could've flown up here with him!”

“I'm getting home. I can be there to pick you up when you get in.”

“Ok!”

“You DO KNOW he's a dumb ass, don't you?”


Yeah.”

“As I see it, his breach of contract has just made it impossible to show to your final few shows! Now, I'd not do that, I'd show and make sure that they see that you're there even if your band he's providing isn't. That way, he's the one being sued and you're not.”

“They'll sue me too.”

“If you signed something else, they will. If you haven't, they won't.”

“Are you done making movies?”


For him, yeah. And I'm done making albums. We'll get you a different contract. I'd like for us to make it so that we can sign together in Vegas, but we might do it so we're singing in different hotels and cleaning up.”

He laughed, “That'd be nice!”

“I'm getting $25 million for 7 months. In that 7 months, I do 7 shows a week.”

“Really?”


It's coming out to $500 grand a show. I have to do one which is televised, but I'm doing that so that I can sell the video as my Greatest Hits album and he's not getting a cut of it.”

“MAN! Work on that for me!”

“Dump that bitch! If she gets on the plane with you, my attorney will probably throw you both off and call me and tell me what he just did!”

“Oh, they're all being left! He mentioned some things to me that I want to speak with your attorney about because he was trying to blackmail me with them.”

“Really?”


Yeah. I think the game's are going to be played and he'll try using a lot of things against me.”


Like what?”


My brother's arrests.”

“Hey, that's not your fault!”

“No, but I did bail him out!”

“Well, that was dumb!”

“I did it and I'm glad I did. I'll tell you all about it later, but it's not to hurt your feelings.”

“Ok. But I don't want to be around you if you're around him!”

“I'm NOT! I'll tell you when I see you in person!”

“Ok.”


He got excited, “That's him calling to tell me when I'm to meet him!”

“Ok. Call me back!”

I walked out and sat down. Gray asked, “Everything ok?”


Here's how lucky we are... Our limo got pulled.”

“He says he didn't do that!”

“Did you talk with him about why he pulled Rayne's jet?”


He looked shocked and I nodded, “And before you ask, Rayne personally called his pilot and got told they were pulled. So try calling Steven and see if he was pulled as our limo?”

He nodded, “I will!”

“You're going to learn to believe there's air when Jeff's lying to you because the words that the air is carrying are all lies.”


He smiled, “I'm calling Steven! Man, I should've done that!”

“Ask Steven if he'll give a deposition to my attorney. Robert is flying to Tahoe to personally get Rayne to get that breach of contract suit!”


He looked surprised and I nodded, “What's dumb there is he didn't pull Rayne's band or anyone yet... but they've got no way to get to the few remaining concerts. Now you figure who is in breach when he shows and the band doesn't!”

He looked shocked, “Oh man!”

“I'll foot those bills just to have Rayne covered and Jeff found in breach.” I paused, “And Gray?”


Yeah?”


Tomorrow, I want a printout of your phone calls to Jeff.”

He looked shocked, “Why!”

“Because you just admitted to calling him. If I'm going to have to suspect what you have to tell me, I'll tell you that you can give the printouts, or you can be fired.”

He gave me a look, “You'll have to fire me then!”

I nodded, “You're fired. Find your own ride!” I shook my head, “You know, you doing that right before I sign some damned big contracts is dumb as hell!... But hey, I don't think anyone's going to be upset more than he when he hears that Robert's on his way to go get Rayne to get that breach of contract suit!Am I baiting you to make that call? Yeah. The second you make the call, you know that I'll have his phone records and yours pulled up so that I can sue you for the breach of YOUR contract!”


He looked shocked and I nodded, as I pulled my phone,”Hello?”


It's me. I've just fired Gray. See what you can do to get his phone records and Jeff's phone records pulled. I want to know how many times he's breached HIS contract with me!”

“Oh man! I'll have the lawsuit filed in the morning on that!”

I nodded, “Great. He'll be served by tomorrow afternoon?”


If not then, it'll be first thing in the morning on Tuesday.”

“Thank you. I see my Ghost rolling up!”

I rang off and said, “The lawsuit will be filed first thing in the morning. You'll be served tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday morning. I hope Jeff pays you more than your breach because I believe the penalty in our contract for breach on your part is 50 times that $2 million you were paid.”


You've got to prove it!”

“Who the fuck do you think has the phone records on the server in his possession?”

He looked shocked and I nodded, “And as long as I paid that bill for your phone, I can and will call to get the printouts mailed to me!

You really need to know how things are played when you're in this business. If it's provided to you, it's usually a setup to be able to have it used against you when you're doubted. And yes, there's a reason that I always paid those bills.”


I walked out and the guy came over and did the hug kiss kiss. “I'm glad it's you!”

I put my pull bag in the boot and said, “I'll drive. I'll have you paid off my card.”

“Ok. I'll do the paperwork.”


I put the phone in the drawer and the radio picked it up.


He smiled, “You must've driven one before!”

“I gave my former manager one for Christmas last year. I've been riding in it.”


I put set the settings for the seat, mirrors, and wheel. Then, I checked the mirror and asked, “You buckled in?”


Yeah.”

“Hang on, traffic is like a raceway out here.”


We got onto the 405 and I started driving. When we got to Thousand Oaks, I asked, “Do you want to do the paperwork here?”


Yes please.”

“Ok.”


I dialed Rayne, “Hello?”


Is he coming to get you?”


Yeah.”

“Ok. I'll be off as I have to go into the Rolls Royce dealer to do the paperwork.”

“Ok.”

I rang off and asked, “Can I see that black...” I saw the Drophead parked over, “What's wrong with that Drophead?”


It's last year's model.”

“Can I see it?”


Sure.”


I went over and saw the blue one. I immediately walked over to it and asked, “What's on this one?”


It's loaded. It's last year's model.”

“Write it up and write up that ghost.”

He looked surprised, “Ok.”

“Everything has to be put through the MGMoCo.”

He looked surprised, “I've sold cars to you before!”

“Yes. Now I'm buying for me instead of everyone else!”

“You've not bought for yourself?”


No. I thought about it last year, but my BMW still had it's warranty. Needless to say, it's ran out as of this month, so I'll park it and drive the blue one and possibly give the gray one to Rayne.”

“OH!” He gave me a look, “May I ask what the story is there? He says it's a heartbreak, but you won't talk.”

I looked away, “There was a heartbreak on my part also. We're now going to put it back together and with some luck, it'll be better through lessons learned.”


He nodded, “I'm sorry I asked.”

“If there was some mileage out of it, I'd tell you. Since we're going to put it back together, I'll say lessons were learned and hopefully learned on his part also.”


He nodded, “I know he still loves you. There's a song he dedicates to you in every concert. Everyone knows he's referring to you when he does.”

I nodded, “I've not seen him perform, so I can't tell you. All I know is we sang beautiful music together when we lived together before, but on the eve of our becoming famous, a bitch made accusations and he didn't call her off. I walked and he had the option to fire her. He didn't, so you figure out who mattered more.

Just the same, the heartbreak goes to something deeper than that. He couldn't help it, but the bitch judged me off it, and he let that happen. Needless to say, I now know he couldn't help one and could the other.

On his part, I hope he's learned that one partner matters in a relationship, and that like wedding vows, you're not supposed to let anyone come in between you and that other partner in the relationship.

Had I done it over, I'd probably busted the bitch in the mouth and told her that's me being a manipulative bitch and for her to scoot before I finished beating the fuck out of her!”


He looked surprised and I nodded, “Listen, when an employee puts herself there judging, it's not fun. And when that employee judges you because she says you're getting mileage from being raped by his brother, she's a bitch.”

He looked shocked, 'Rayne's brother raped you!”

“In front of him with a pistol to my head... Just the same, he brought his brother to the house because his brother said the amount of money Rayne gave him wasn't enough. Therefore, he brought him home and the guy robbed me and raped me in front of Rayne.

That was the day he went to his own bedroom and I went to mine. We were going to work on it and I was working on it... and he was also.

What she said was that I was abusing him with it. He let her say the shit and I walked.”

He nodded, “Do you think you two will be able to make it when you get back together?”


I shrugged, “I don't know. We've got to work through some things. If he's not learned that one person matters, I'll tell you it won't work. I'm no cheater, and I'm not a person who will put up with someone else in my bed but me and the person I'm involved with.”


He nodded, “I understand.”

“It happened over 5 years ago. I now live behind gates in a gated community over the hill here. He's got to come to me because I'll be damned if I leave that house of his twice in a lifetime... The next time, he'll be told to go because my 50% of that house says those I say stay get to stay and those whom I say go have to go.”

“That's a beautiful house. I saw it on the interview.”


You must be a big fan of his...”

“Of you both. You sing awesome, but he sings awesome too.”

“At one time, we were going to have a collaborative effort as our 5
th album. That all changed when I left.”

“You've not spoke in that long?”


My contract is two weeks from being completed. So is his. Jeff's trying to blackmail him into signing his contract, but Ray won't. That's why I had to get the car and my attorney is flying to get him.”

“Why?”


When we told Jeff no, he pulled my limo. And he pulled Ray's jet stranding him, his band, and everyone up there.”

“MAN!”

I gave a nod, “Now you know how it is. I finished my concert tonight and made it back to my dressing room to call Ray. He answered and we talked.”

He smiled, “I hope you get back together.”

“I do too.”

We did the paperwork and I said, “You're going to have to drive that Ghost over to my house. I need to drive it to the airport to pick him up.”


Ok.”

He followed me out and I drove over to Hidden Valley. We went up to the house and pulled in to the second gate. I pulled up and opened the third gate letting us into the courtyard.

I parked and said, “Give me a moment and I'll have my bag in and my clothes changed.”

“Sure!”

“You can come in if you want.”


Sure!”

We went in and I pointed, “The remote for the television is on the coffee table...” I paused, “I'd better turn it on. It's hard if you don't know what you're doing.”


I took him in and held out my hand and saw the flashing red light. He ran into it and I said, “Uh, follow me.”

“What's going on?”


Did you see that red light?”


Yeah.”

“That's the alarm telling me there's someone on the grounds.”


Oh man!”

We ran up and into the safe room. I locked us in and turned on all the monitors.


I pointed, “There he is. It's Rayne's brother.”


How'd he know to get here!”

I dialed 911. “911, please state your emergency.”


“I've got a trespasser in my estate. He's not in the house yet, but he is on the grounds.”

“Lock the doors and...”

“They're locked. I'm in the safe room with the Rolls Royce guy.”

“Huh?”


I just bought two Rolls Royce. This is Mojave Marshall.”

“OH! Mo!”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I'm Mo! Now, can you get someone out here?”


Yes!”

“He's looking all over the Rolls Royces. We left them parked in the courtyard.”

“You're in the safe room?”


Yes Ma'am. I'm seeing him on the surveillance system.”

The guy said, “Ma'am, he's on speakerphone and I'm here watching with him!”

“You're the Rolls Royce delivery driver?”


Yes. I'm the salesman. I delivered them to him. Are you sending someone? He's doing something to the blue Royce.”


She said, “I've got a car on it's way. He was close by.”

I said, “Let me know when and I'll get him through the gates.” I pointed, “That's the gate down at the road. That's the gate at the street. And that's the gate going into the courtyard.”


He said, “Ok.”

I said,”Watch it. You'll see his headlights on that one and then, you'll see the front of the car pull up. Then, you'll see him press the button on that one.”

“OK.”

“When you let him through, you'll see him through those there. That's surveillance all along that street.”

She said, “He's about there.”

I said, “Ok. As soon as we see him, we'll open the gate. He has to have his car on that pad or a ram will go up and it'll have to be let down manually at that guard house.”

She said, “OH!”


It's sophisticated, but people can trespass by using the hiking trails. We can't put up more than one fence, so they can climb over.”

She said, “That's terrible!”

“This guy has pulled a pistol on me once before ma'am. I'll tell you he's sexually assaulted me, but no report was made.”

She said, “Stay in that room!”

“I am.”

He said, “He's done something to the blue Royce, ma'am. It's like he was prying on the gas filler door.”


She asked, “Do you have the ability to copy that?”


I said, “Yes. I've got a DVD being recorded now.”

He said, “There he is. I'm opening the gate now.”

I said, “Ma'am, tell him the fourth house up the street on the left. It's nearly a mile up that street, but he'll know since we're the first past the pond.”

She said, “Ok. I've got you on the map now! They didn't have those numbered correctly.”

“It's relatively new.”

She said, “I'm getting a chopper in the air. If he came in on a hiking trail, he might try to leave that way.”


I said, “We'll have video of how he left too.”

The Royce guy said, “Ok, I've got him at the gate. It's opening.”


I said, “Ma'am, tell him to kill his headlights. I'll surprise him by opening the gate when the car pulls up.”

She said, “Ok. He's pulling up the drive now.”


I'm watching him drive up. Tell him he's in the courtyard kneeling by the blue Royce.”

I said,”Tell him to drive on through.”


I hit the button and she said, “Ok. He's pulling in. I said, “I'm locking the gate. He's by the blue Royce still. He's not seen the cop car.”

The Royce guy said, “He's just seen him. He's kneeling.”

She said, “He sees him.”


Tell him to be careful as he might have that pistol.”

“He's been told. I've got a chopper about 1 minute away.”


Just then, shots rang out. I said, “Ma'am, your officer's shot!”

“WHAT!”

“Get people here. He's shot the intruder, but he's shot. I'm going down.”


NO!”

“Ma'am, someone needs to apply pressure. He's bleeding bad!”


I grabbed the phone and said, “You watch the video. I'm going to go help that officer!”

“OK!”

I ran down and out. I said, “Ma'am, tell him I'm coming to help him.”

“Ok!”

I went over and kicked the gun away and ran over to the officer. He was in severe pain. I said, “I'm applying pressure. I've been trained in First Aid.”


I applied pressure and said, “Lay flat!”

“It hurts!”

“You'll die, now lay flat!”

He lay back and I heard the chopper. I said, “Ma'am there's a helipad on the end. They can land there.”


GOOD!”


He said, “MO!”


I said, “Yes sir!”

“My God! I didn't recognize you!”


I smiled, “You'll be ok. I used my tie as a tourniquet.”


He blinked, “Ok!”


She said, “Tell him he needs to open the gates!”


I said, “Ma'am, tell them to type in a code of 1974! That's my code!”


She hurried and I could hear her giving the code. I said, “Tell them they have to let the vehicles cycle through one at a time or the tire spikes will go up.”


She said, “OH!”


She hurried and told them. The cop smiled, “I bet the ambulance hit it!”


That's ok. We've got a helipad here. I'll pay everything. You just stay alive!”

He nodded, “I'm trying, but it's painful.”

“That's the dyin' part. Kick it's ass by showing you're tougher!”


I don't know, it's pretty painful.”


I said, “I'm going to have to go with you. I think my fingers are having their circulation cut off!”

He looked shocked and I winked, “Made you forget about the dying part, didn't I!”


He smiled, “You're crazy!”

“Crazy is how that guy's brains are trying to tell him shit got real!”


He smiled real big, “I'm not going to look!”

She said, “They're pulling up the hill!”

I said, “Good! We're about to have tea!”

He laughed and she said, “When he gets out of the hospital!”


I said, “Ma'am,you know if you have a man tied up with a lasso and don't invite him for tea, he runs off!”


They laughed and the cop car and the ambulance rolled in I said, “Tell them that fire truck can't make it!”


She said, “They see that!”


It wasn't me who designed it. A woman and a gay guy would've told them that you want the guy with the big hose able to make it in!”


They laughed and the cop ran over. He asked, “Are you ok?”


He said, “Yes. The perp's dead. This guy's supposed to be in his safety room!”

The guy looked at me, “MO!”


I rolled my eyes, “That's the first word in a dirty conversation!”

The officer laughed and the one standing up gave me a look and I said, “Does it look like I can shake your hand? I sort've tied myself to his crotch!”


He said, “Here, let me help!”


I said, “Nah, if you felt what I'm feeling, you'd never let it go!”


They laughed and the ambulance guys came up. The one said, “Here, I'll take that!”

I said, “Um hmm, you didn't say MO!”


He looked and said, “OH! It's you!”

I nodded, “Yup! I sort've tied myself to this guy, so you've got to get the magician with the bigger wand!”


He smiled, “How'd you do that?”


Well, it wasn't easy. I was holding pressure and then, I yanked my tie off and then, I tied it with my teeth.

The good officer said, “What the...” and then, he didn't say anything when I came up with blood... You know how it is!”

He smiled and the officer who'd been shot laughed. I said, “Ok. Let's get him on the gurney. If they're bringing a chopper, you'll need to get him to that helipad out there.”


He nodded and said, “Let me put this on his leg.”


Sure”

He put on a balloon sleeve and then, they inflated it. I said, “You know if you put a little lotion on that and slide it back and forth...”

They laughed and my phone said, “I'm still here you know!”

I said, “Sorry Ma'am, you'll get the video. I promise!”


She laughed and we lifted him onto the gurney. They took my tie loose and replaced my hand with a bandage and a bean bag. Then, they held it.

I stood up and patted the officer and said, “I'll get them the video.”


He nodded, “They'll want a statement!”

I smiled, “Do I give the official version or the one where I don't tell anything?”


He smiled, “The official version.”

“Ok!”


They got him up and the chopper landed. In no time, they had him rolling and me showing how to get there.

Real fast, they had him loaded on the chopper and it took off. The ambulance driver said, “You probably saved his life.”


I nodded, “I saw the way he was bleeding and knew I had to get there.”

The cop asked, “Can you tell me what happened?”


I motioned, “Let's get you in here and watch what happened.”

“Ok.”

I took him in and we went up to the bedroom. I said, “The safe room is in here.”

We went in and I said, “Here's the DVD. You can watch everything here.”


We watched and I pointed, “That's when we got here.”

“How'd you know he was here?”


There are red lights which flash. That's how you know that someone's on the grounds and they're trespassing. It's like a final warning for you to get hid because the next one is when they get close to the house and the sirens alert and dial the police.

Because he went through the gate there from the helipad, it didn't.”

“Why?”


Because if you fly in, it gives you 45 seconds to reset the system or punch in a code. If you shut the gate and it doesn't see you move, it eventually goes to standby. He standing there messing with the car had it on standby. Then, the cop showed and we took it off standby by override.”


OH!”


I pointed, “That's the alarm telling you everything right there.”


He shook his head, “You could've been killed.”

“Thank God I wasn't, and hopefully, that police officer wasn't!”


He said, “He'll make it.”


I nodded, and he said, “That guy was with you?”


He's the Rolls Royce dealer. He was driving one and I drove the other... Well, you saw all that.”

He nodded, “Why'd you take him into the house?”


I'm still in the clothes I performed in up in Sacramento. I was showing him how to use the remote when I saw the red light flash.”


He said,”OH!”

“It's right there.”

He nodded, “Ok. I like this system!”


It works, but it's got more holes in it than a whore house!”


He smiled, “Our Sheriff is going to see this and what you did and will want to give you a commendation.”

I waved my hand, “Don't... Tell him to give any award money to a kid's charity and mail the award. I'll put it up in the award room, but you might find it rather disturbing how I treat those.”


He chuckled, “How do you treat them?”


Come on down. I'll show you.”

We went down and I took him out to the gardening shed. He said, “The gardening shed!!!”

“It's nice. I don't garden, so I use the shelves in here.”


We went in and I said, “Four Oscars, the Golden Globes, and all the others. IF I get one from you guys, I'll put it here with these plaques.”

“Why are all of them facing the wall?”


It's pretty self serving if you have an award room for you to go pay homage to yourself. Needless to say, I find it embarrassing and I think they probably do also... I mean, I didn't care enough to go get 'em, and now they're not in some coveted spot.”

He frowned, “Why?”


It's not about that for me. For some people, it might be about that. To me, it's a way to pay the bills and the checks are what I appreciate more.” I paused, “How much do you appreciate awards?”


I do!”

“Good. I bet if you started off getting an award and you got a bunch of them, you'd see they don't mean much... You still do your job, you still cash the checks, and you still would do what you did to earn them whether you got one or not.”

He smiled, “I understand. It's different, but I understand it.”

I'll tell you something. I met Kirk Douglas and he's almost 100. He had a talk with me and we talked a good long time. Then, he gave me a surprised look and said, “You're really listening to me!” and I said, “Sure, why wouldn't I?”. That's when he said, “No one listens anymore...”, and I said, “Well, I do. It's disrespectful if you don't listen! After all, you took the time and so did I!”.

What gets me is this... He said people talk AT HIM, and I understand. Ask a kid who's too busy texting something and they don't talk TO YOU, they talk at you!”


He nodded, “I understand.”

I nodded, “It's the disassociation thing. They don't know how to deal with someone because it's total isolation. They play games in a house and it's not WITH someone, or interaction, it's with someone who isn't there, and it's not having interaction, it's all about disassociation and isolation.”

He nodded, and I shook my head, “Go watch people in a movie theater, it'll blow you away. They'll sit there and whereas some older people are holding hands and sharing the experience with someone, most of the younger people are isolated and not interacting with anyone. It's a thing and when they're done, it's like a video game which's over.”

He nodded, “You're going to need to give us the history on that guy.”

“He's Rayne's brother.”

He looked surprised, “OH!”


I smiled, “You like Rayne and haven't heard of me!”


He laughed, “You find that strange!”

I nodded, “Rayne's going to call and will be here later tonight.”

“OH!”

I said, “Here's the deal. Several years ago, Rayne and I lived together.”

He gave me a look, “Really?”


Yeah, I'm not fillin' ya full of shit!”


He nodded, “Ok.”

“This jerk here would rob Rayne and would take it home to his Mom and Dad and they'd think he was great because he brought money home and Rayne didn't.”

“OH!”

“Well,one night, he robbed Rayne and then said it wasn't enough. Rayne brought him to the house and this guy robbed me at gunpoint and raped me on the floor with a pistol to my head while Rayne watched. Afterward, I wanted to report it.”

“Where'd this happen?”


My house in Tarzana.”


Why didn't you report it?”


Rayne didn't want me to.”

“Why?”


I can't tell you. All I know is that I got pissed and Rayne moved to the guest bedroom. We worked on it, and were getting really close when we got famous and moved up to Simi Valley. Then, we split up and I went to the Beverly Wilshire to live until I found this place.”


He stared, “Why here?”


Look at the place! It's like home! That view is amazing! You can see the ocean way far away, and there's enough security that I thought I was safe.”

“You've not seen him since the sexual assault?”


No. Believe me, after I left the house out there, if I'd seen the jerk, I'd called the police. When I saw it was him, I didn't think twice about calling.”


What was he doing to your car?”


I don't know. I never took the time to see because that cop needed me.”


He nodded, “Do you think he was here to sexually assault you again?”


I'd like to think not. I mean, If I were here to sexually assault someone, I'd be trying to get into the house. He was more interested in messing with the car.”

“Let's go look at the car.”


We went out and I saw the Royce guy. He said, “They've taken my statement.”

I motioned, “We're going to go see what he was doing to the car.”

“Oh! Let's go!”

We went out and he looked at the fuel filler and said, “He was putting drugs on the car!”

I said, “Well, you know what he was doing!”


He gave me a look, “You're not involved with drugs are you?”


I held out my arms, “Take the blood and test it. You'll see there's noting in it! I don't even need cold medicine because I don't get sick!”


He nodded, “I believe you. If you had something in your system, you'd not offer.”

I nodded, “I'd tell you to check my hair, but with the amount of dye I go through, that's probably screwed up.”

“No. They could use it.”


He gave me a look, “Who's his next of kin besides Rayne?”


I suppose his parents. I've not spoke to Rayne in 4 years, but I did today.”

“And this guy suddenly shows up.”

“I don't think it's Rayne. I think it's Jeff the head of our company.”

“Why do you think that?”


I think that because he tried to blackmail Rayne over this guy.”

“How so?”


He didn't say. Rayne thought it was because he went to bail this guy out once. Now I've figured it's this.”

“Who's this Jeff?”


Jeff Rostovic.”

“OH!”

I nodded, “I pissed him off today because I wouldn't renew my contract. And Rayne pissed him off because he wouldn't either.”


Oh!”

“I'd tell you to go to my manager, but I fired him and everyone else today.”


Why?”


Here's why. When I went into this contract, I went into it believing that I had to do 9 tours, and 9 albums, and 9 movies, and then, I'd be done.

Well, I did all that. I busted my hump to do it, and then, I finished my 9th movie and he said, “Here's your next one.”, and I said, “No, we have to negotiate that.”, and he said, “No, you're under contract for 4 years, and you'll do however many I tell you!”.
Well,I took it to Robert Shapiro, and Robert took a look at my contract and said, “Until the end of your contract, you could be made to do movies at the $9 million a year.”. That's when I said, “Put in an injunction and tell him that each additional movie he wants me to do will have an injunction which will hold it in court until the 4 years is up.”

He gave me a look, “Why didn't you want to do them?”

“Here's our deal. The first movie was for $1 million. The next was $2 million and so on and so forth all the way to the 9th for $9 million. After that, I was supposed to be done and was supposed to have it renegotiated. That's when he used the time that HE SAID was for him to have to get the 9 over or I'd be finished at the end of that time.”

He nodded,”Now, I'm getting it.”

“Yeah. I was supposed to went to free agent and negotiated everything.”

He shook his head, “That's cheap.”

“Yeah. I did the work and I did it cheap because I figured that if I did it cheap, we'd get a lot of good movies because they'd want to clean up.
They did. It worked, and then, we got to the end of the agreement and he holds what we didn't agree to, but did over our heads.

Well, we're to the end. I've got Disney throwing me a deal for 3 movies which are incredible. If it goes like it should, I'll be a billionaire several times over it.”


He looked shocked, “Really?”


Johnny Depp made right at a billion dollars for the first four Pirates in the series. This next one, he's making $95 million plus a percentage.”


He looked shocked, “There's another???”


Dead Men Tell No Tales. It's coming out July of '17. I'm supposed to go over and do two weeks of voice.”

He looked surprised, “Really?”


That's not counted in the three I'm making for $50 million each.”

He looked blown away, “MAN!”

I nodded, “Disney wants me. They know my movies make money and they know that when I come in, I do it professionally and won't be high, stoned, or self centered. They know my movies get finished filming early because we do it in one take a lot of times.”

He batted his eyes, “You've made a lot of good movies. It's said that when you do a drama, no one else needs to try because you blow everyone away!”

I nodded, “And had I made the money everyone thought I got, I'd be way wealthier. Instead, I'll tell you that if I hadn't had Armani, there's a couple of years that I'd be broke.”

“Really!”

“They gave us a house. My name was supposed to be off it, but it wasn't. That was $50 million. Pay taxes on something like that when it's a gift and you'll be broke damned fast.

I'll tell you that my posters saved me and I'll tell you Armani saved me the first two years. AND, I'll tell you that touring and rights, royalties, and merchandising saved me.”


He smiled, “And everyone likes those!”

“Rayne's made a lot of good ones too. I've not paid attention, but I know they're good.”

He nodded, “He's taken up the slack from where you've been hitting them.”

“He's been out there more. After I got screwed doing that movie, I flat out refused to go into a studio and work on a movie. Instead, I've been out touring, and it's driving them nuts that they've been having to pay me.”


He smiled, “It's interesting how I'm learning about the darker side of the industry.”

“The day I retire, I'm producing a movie which tells it all.”

My phone rang, “Hello?”


Rayne said, “They're saying we're 15 minutes out.”

“Ok. I need to see if I can get there.”

“What's going on?”


Well, low and behold, your brother broke in out here.”

“WHAT!”

“One guess???”


JEFF!”

I said, “The cop is standing here.”

“What happened?”


Well, your brother's dead.”

“WHAT!”

“I called the cops and the cop showed. He pulled a pistol and shot the cop. The cop shot him and the cop's been taken to the hospital, but your brother got his head blown off.”

“What was he doing out there???”


Well,he was trying to put cocaine around my fuel filler door. Needless to say, all that is caught on DVD by my surveillance.”

“Can you come and get me?”


Yeah, give me a second. If I need to, I'll bring the BMW.”

“Ok.”

I rang off, “Can I go get him?”


He pointed, “You can't take the blue car. That's going to have to be tested.”


Ok. Do you need the Ghost?”


No. You can take it.”

“I'll be right back. He's at LAX, so it might take an hour and a few.”


Ok I'm sure we'll still be here.”


I pointed, “DO you need the car guy?”


No. I'm surprised he hasn't called anyone to come and get him.”

“Uh, no. They're really confidential with the information. They know if they piss us off once, they'll never get another sale when we get around to telling everyone.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

I went over, “He said we can go. I've got to go get Rayne.”

“Do you need this DVD?”


Yeah. Let me give it to this cop.”

I handed it to the cop. “He could've stole that and made a fortune.”

He paused, “Uh, take your BMW. I'm wondering if that Jeff has some police which will pull you over.”


If you take my limo, and make me buy a couple of cars, you know I'm going to drive them!”

“Yeah. That's an obvious set up.”

“You know who Rayne thought it was immediately.”

He nodded, “Let me get to investigating this Jeff!”


I winked, “That'd be the way to handle it.”


I nodded at the salesman, “Let's take the BMW.”

We went over and I opened the garage door. We went in and he said, “Man, you've got some cool cars in here!”

“I was born in the back seat of that one. It took me buying them an Escalade and a new house to get it, but I got it, and had it restored.”

“MAN!”

“My parents. I fucked up and started talking to them again. Of course, it was all about them, and of course, it cost me money.

When they had what they wanted, they spent the excess money on stocking the bar and went right back to doing what they do best...arguing.”

He looked surprised, “A year and a half ago... I left and although they've got this phone number, it's not rang.”


We drove out and he said, “This is a decent car!”

“I'm going to need you to take the drophead and have it detailed. There's brains all down the side.”

“Ooh!”

“After you get that detailed, I'm going to need the Ghost detailed.”


Ok.”

“It's fucked up, but I'm going to need a drug dog ran in and around it after you detail it just to make sure it's...”

My phone rang, “Hello?”


Perez Hilton here.”

“Hi P. How are you?”


I hear you got caught up in a drug sting!”

“I hear Jeff paid a man to plant drugs on my car! Unfortunately, the guy is Rayne's brother and he got his brains blown out all down the side of the car and shot a cop doing so.”

“WHAT!”

“I have been cleared. There's video showing what happened while I was in my safe room with the Rolls Royce salesman. And yes, that was down the side of a new Drophead I bought myself because Jeff breached the contract and pulled my limo.

Now, who would you suspect of doing something like that when your limo suddenly disappears and a man who raped you suddenly shows up and tries planting cocaine in a locked fuel door!”

“You have it on video?”


Yeah.”

“You don't suspect Rayne?”


No. Rayne and I are trying to put it back together. In fact, I'm going to the airport right now to pick him up because...A; Jeff pulled his jet. B; Robert Shapiro went up to get him to get a lawsuit for the violation of said contracts, and C; he tried to blackmail Rayne about his brother and going to bail his brother out of jail once.”

“Ooh!”

“So yeah, if you want a major scoop, you be to the airport where I'm going to pick him up in the BMW because brains are down the side of my Drophead and the Ghost I was going to give to Rayne is now having to be detailed because said plant might be somewhere on the som'bitch!
Just for your information, they're saying I might get a commendation because I saved the cop's life. If that's getting caught up in a sting, Jeff doesn't know how my luck is!

And yes, I'm in the car right now with the other witness who was in the safe room with me... The salesman.”

The salesman said, “Perez, I saw it all. He just got those cars from me and we drove them to his house so that he could drive the Ghost in.

He was going upstairs to change and was showing me the television when he suddenly said, “Did you see that red light?” and I said, “Yes.”, and he said, “That's meaning someone is on the estate.”, so we ran to the safe room and locked in. That's where we saw the guy come in and start messing with the Royce in the courtyard.

Well, we called the police and yes, there's a huge long 911 call to prove we were where we were.”


Perez said, “Can I use all this as a scoop?”


Yeah, but you state that this all stems because within 2 weeks, our contracts end and neither Rayne, nor I are renewing with them.”

“Why?”


Well, the contracts weren't paying us! We got $1 million for the first movie and album, $2 for the next all the way up to $9 million for the last album and last movie.

At that point, I thought I could renegotiate and got told that because I was locked into a 4 year contract, the last movie was $9 million also.”

“OH MAN!”

“Yeah, so I told them it'd be a cold day in hell before I did another movie and Robert told them he'd drop injunctions on each and every movie to lock me into that and lock the entire production into a lawsuit.”

“You need to be careful, it sounds like he's gunning for your career!”

“I have two weeks. In two weeks I sign a 7 week contract to play at the Venetian, and I do a 3 movie deal with Disney for $50 million each. THEN, there's DMTNT.”

“What?”


Dead Men Tell No Tails. I've got a voice role in it which is getting me something like $5 million.”

“MAN!”

“On top of that is the Columbia Record deal which I get $20 million for each album I produce and get them.”

“Jesus! I know your music is good, but do you think you can do it?”


P, I did 70 songs on my first day working there. I started about 7:45am and ended about 2:30, so you know I was moving through some music.”

“MAN!”

“And yet, I got $45 million for my 9 albums.”

“DAMN! You got fucked!”

“Yeah. And he's now trying for what he can get... my Armani contract. He knows if he can pin the drug thing on me, they'll put Rayne and I out of the contract.”

“Jesus!”

“I'm not afraid. I think Rayne and I are finally putting it back together, so we'll be good.”

“What was the problem there?”


If you and I were living together, would you like me very much if I didn't do anything while my brother raped you on the floor in front of you?”


OH MAN! He did that to you!”

“Yeah. We moved in together and not 3 days later, Rayne brings home his brother who had him at gunpoint. Needless to say, I got robbed and then raped.”

“FUCK!”

“It's been kept out of the press. Now I don't rightly give a damn. The best part is the fucker won't have another thought of fuckin' me, will he?”


And you're going to put it back together with Rayne?”


Yeah. I love him. He's the one person in this world whom I know loves me and loves me for me...I mean, when you're so fuckin' broke you share a packet of pop tarts so they stretch further, you know the guy loves you.”


Yeah!”

“Jeff totally discounts that I'm going to protect my reputation without laying it all out there. He doesn't realize that I'll tell it all and will slam him while doing it. THEN, I'll drag the bastard down gladly because you know as well as me that when Rayne and I both point fingers and tell that we're both leaving due to one person, the board is going to see their shares going down and it's all because of one person.”

“He's been there a long time.”

“Yeah, but who's dominated the airwaves?”

“Yeah, you two. And you two are slingin' movies out and they're GOOD!”


It's because we were smart enough to know if we gave them money upfront, we'd have a track record and a sampler of our acting so that when we got finished, they could renegotiate, or we'd go to where the money paid.”

“Damn, that's smart!”

“We talked about all this stuff growing up. I still have to get a girl we went to school with her start, but we'll work on producing her and having her there.”

“Who's that?”


A girl by the name of Janelle Rios. She's an excellent singer.”

“Can I Google her?”


I imagine you can, but if you steal her, I'll be so pissed!”

“I don't find anything.”

“She probably got married. We'll have to call her.”

“Can I have the scoop on her too?”


Yeah. You know our history and bios. We didn't lie like most people.”


He laughed, and I said, “P, forgive me for a second. I need to drop off this salesman and hit the highway again.”

“Sure!”

I pointed, “That Maserati convertible which looks like it's got lipstick on. If you can get an all black version like that without the lipstick, I'll trade this BMW in on it.”

“Ok!”

“Bring it out in the morning. Then, you can take the drophead in and have it detailed and ran by a drug dog.”


Ok!”

He got out and I said, “Ok P, I can talk again.”

“Can I get the scoop on a lot of this?”


As long as you throw Jeff into the meat grinder.”

“Oh, I am! If you've got Robert suing on your behalf, I'll speak with Robert, myself, and will play him the recording of my call.”

“Ok.”

“You know, you and him being back together are going to make so many people happy. His interview and saying it was due to a heartbreak and leaving it as it was affected a lot of people. And with you being silent on everything, everyone knew you were hurt.”

“I was silent because the fucker was already screwing me! He had me booked into six movies and I was starving to death! On top of that, he had Rayne's house put half into my name and I had to pay taxes on that!”

“OH MAN!”

“Yeah. I could go on and on, but I'll tell you what... I paid my dues. If anyone wants to doubt it, I'll pull the IRS returns and show them what I got and yeah, I make it sound like I didn't make much, but P... When you're making gobs of money on paper, and you're broke, there's a fuckin' problem!”


I hear that!”

“I'm going to do something. I'm going to give you the key to a private YouTube account where I have a video diary. Then, you can watch how it was.

Now, it's better, but it took two years before I finally got smart and hired Robert. Then, Robert went in and told Jeff that either I started getting paid, or he was going to make it public about how little I was really making.”

“You've got proof?”


Oh yeah. I hear the only reason Rayne was able to make it was because the ranch out there is pulling in over $2 million a year and he was able to live that way. I'll tell you the taxes on that place were outrageous.”

“What about your place now?”


Here's how much I paid. First of all, it's a foreclosure. You know whose it was.”

“Yeah, I heard she was losing her ass!”

“Well, you know what she paid.”

“Yeah. Too fuckin' much!”

“I got it for $12.9 million.”

“My God!”

“I did fashion weeks and saved like you wouldn't believe. They gave us that money and then, I got my first check for the posters and looked at the house and said, “Yup, I want it!”, so I got it and of course, there's taxes, and yeah, they're higher than hell!”

He laughed, “Yeah!”

“What I forgot is that you have real estate taxes on the house based upon it's appraised valuation.”

“Oh man!”

“Needless to say, it was a shocker that was as welcome as a swift kick to the nuts.”

“I bet!”

“I got it paid, but I'll tell you what... it's been rough. It's finally going to be great, so I'm not going to bitch, but Jeff did us very few favors in which he wasn't handsomely rewarded in return.”

“I'm getting that!”

“I won't bitch... My career has been great and I've been busy, but that's by my own doing... a large part of it. When you figure out that I was producer on those and didn't get one dime more, you understand the total fuckin' I took on those.”

“WHAT!”

“Yeah. I'll show you the contract. I thought I was brilliant, but I wasn't. Yeah, a lot of things were brilliant, but a lot of them were due to ignorance of the business and not knowing that when you're thinking you're so sure of yourself that you really need to be covering your ass!”

“Yeah!”

“So I'll tell you that when it comes to getting me music, I'm doing it. I've already got enough for the first three albums and it's going to sound as good as my other music.”


Great!”

“And yeah, my agreement with Columbia is that I get credit for everything I do the work upon in the studio.”


Did he pull your band too?”


I fired them earlier tonight. Everyone whom Jeff was paying got told that they needed to go back to him because I wasn't keeping anyone who might be able to go to him and say anything.”

“Good!”

“Then, I caught Gray talking to him and fired Gray, so I'm totally free.”

“He what!”

“Yeah. And I'll have those phone records because I was paying for that phone.”


Was he supposed to do that?”


No. In fact, I've got the video of when he was hired. You'll see me telling him what's required and you'll see me stressing over and over that I'll speak with Jeff, and he's to never EVER speak with the man because Jeff's the person who will take something and tear it all apart and fuck us with it.”

“Yeah.”

He suddenly got quiet, “Uh, Mo?”


Yeah.”

“That false story is hitting all over the place.”

“HUH?”


Someone's showing photos from the sky of all the police and ambulance lights and then, they're saying it's due to a drug sting at your house.”


Run the real story. Don't get your ass sued. I'll ring off now and call Robert. You know that when I'm done suing, I'm going to own some of these sons of bitches!”

“Yeah!”

I rang off and dialed Robert, “Hello?”


Are you near a television?”


No. What's going on?”


Everything that's happening out at my house has been twisted into a drug sting that I'm caught up in. Perez Hilton has the tape of Jeff calling him and telling him to run the story.”

“OH REALLY???”


Yeah. So find all of them and you run with it. Sue and sue hard, I want the real story out there, and I want that cocksucker sued into the grave for leaking it and smearing me.”

“Oh,I am!”


I rang off and dialed, Cyndi Adams of Page 6 in New York, “Hello?”


It's Mo.”

“My God, what's happening?”


Don't run that story!”

“Ok... What's happening?”


The long story is that Jeff got told no by Rayne and I on our contracts being renewed and he's out telling everyone that it's a drug sting and I'm caught up in it.”

“Yeah. That's what we were told!”

“Well, the truth is that Jeff paid Rayne's brother to come to my house and plant drugs on my brand new Rolls Royce. There's video proving that, and there's proof with witnesses, and there's proof that what happened is that a cop was shot by Rayne's brother and then, Rayne's brother was killed.

I was up in the safety room, and had the Rolls Royce salesman up there too. My alarm system forewarned me and I had all of it recorded... so yeah, there's proof.

Now, if you want a scoop, I saved a cop's life.”

“How?”


Rayne's brother shot him in the groin. We saw it from the video while I was on 911... and I couldn't stay up there safe when I saw a cop bleeding out. Needless to say, I went and applied pressure, so if there's a photo of me all bloody, it's because of that. I used my tie to be a tourniquet.”

“Ok. You'll get me proof?”


Yeah. Call Ventura County Sheriff's Department! I'm sure Robert's about to have that Sheriff up on a stand telling the true story just to have the proof out there that Jeff has lost his fuckin' mind!”

“We've got the recording here of him saying it.”

“Can I have Robert call you?”


Yes.”

“I assure you what I told you is the real story and there's DVD.”


“Good!”

“Give me a few seconds and I'll have you the real video from my security system. Then, you'll hear it all as it happened, and the entire thing.”

“Ok. Can I pass that around?”


Yeah, do that.”

“Ok. He's counting on you staying silent like you have.”

“Big mistake. I'm coming out of this contract swinging for one man's job. If you don't think I have it after this fiasco, you don't know me!”

“He'll be sunk off everyone who has the tapes. In this day and age, you don't take a thing unless you're recording it!”

“I know!”

I pulled down an off ramp and said, “Give me a second. I hope you can take video through an email.”

“Yes, I can!”

“Ok, there it is. It's sent. Before you do, let them fuckers hang themselves by slandering me and then, I can get all their tapes and prove him to be doing this.”

“Ok, I'm watching this now...”

“Turn it up, it's got sound.”


Ok.”

I heard it and said, “By using that, you just saved yourselves one helluva lawsuit.”


Ok. I'm going to send this tape to Robert.”

“Thank you.”

“No. You saved yourself. Thank God you had this!”

I rang off and dialed Mike at Disney. “Hello?”


Have you seen it yet?”


No! What's going on?”


Jeff's slandering me and telling the world that I was caught in a drug sting at my house.”

“Is there any truth in that?”


I'm sending you video.”

“Ok.”

“Give me a second. I'm making attachments to show everyone in my career that he's slandering me.”


I sent it and said, “Ok, you got it. Armani got it. The Venetian got it. And Columbia just got it.
When I get a chance, I'm going to send you all the voice files I've got of the phone conversations I have had with him, and you'll know it's all about me refusing to sign the contract.”

“I knew it'd be bad, but my God!”

“That guy is Rayne's brother. They're going to find a call on his phone from Jeff and yes, I'll have those phone records.”

“GOOD!”

“That dumb fuck signed a contract stating that we could get anything and everything off his computer system we could use. Needless to say, I'm going into his records now and I'm exposing everything.”

“Oh man!”

“I hate this. I don't want you thinking that it was going to be like this.”

“I understand. He doesn't part with his people easily. He isn't nice, but he's lost his mind!”

“Robert Shapiro is getting people's tapes who recorded Jeff calling them and giving the smear. Perez Hilton is using what you're seeing... Cyndi Adams is using it also.”

“Ok! I'm glad you had this!”

“I hate this because he's trying to smear me and he's trying to smear Rayne. I'm going to make me reaching out to Rayne into major headlines. That way, it's got a good spin and it's showing how easily duped the press will be if someone's willing to crucify his career.”

“Let me make some calls. I'll have the board over there alerted.”

“He's getting them, himself, and anyone who's played into it is gettting sued Mike. I'll tell you now that Robert's going in to do damage control while suing anyone and everyone who used it.”

“Good! I'll have ABC and everyone alerted to get it off the air.”

“Thanks.”


“When can you do these contracts?”


I'd tell you to bring them by, but I need to go to you formally.”

“We'll work behind the scenes so there's a big announcement as soon as that contract expires.”

“Ok.”

I rang off and shot back up the on ramp. In no time, I was making real good time and was pulling off to get to the private terminal.

When I got there, the media were thick. I pulled up and got out and held up my hands, “Everyone, give me three minutes and I'll give you an interview...Ok?”


I went in and saw Robert and Rayne. Rayne looked terrible, but Robert was on the phone nearly yelling. I went over and hugged him and flashbulbs lit up the place.


I said, “Let's go out and show them who's coming out swinging.”

“Ok.”

I went out and everyone started yelling questions. I held up my hands and finally, they died down.
I said, “Everyone, I have no bullhorn, and I'm not going to yell that loud. After all, I'm in jail for a drug sting...if you believe Jeff Fortuna.
Well, I've not been arrested. What happened out at my house was NOT a drug sting, it was Rayne's brother breaking in and then shooting a cop.

Yes, he had drugs on him, and yes, he tried to make it so that drugs were on my car, and yes,I'll show by his phone records that Jeff Fortuna made a call and set it up to pay him to do that. Can I prove it??? You ask yourselves if there's a contract out there which allows me to get into those computer records and pull over the phone records for Jeff Fortuna. Then, you're going to see every ill deed the man's done, and you're going to see me suing and exposing the man for what he is.

Do I sound stoned? No. Do I sound pissed? Oh hell yes!”
I looked out with a leer, “What I'll tell you is my silence has been due to Jeff Fortuna screwing me over in a deal. My silence has been a protest, and my absence has been a protest because I knew that the day when I could talk and my contract is finished with that company, the gloves were off, and so was the gag.

Well, we're two weeks away. He's already made calls to remove my limo, bodyguards, and then, wants to plant drugs on my car so that they can be found and leaks the story to you before it's done??? What a dumb ass!”


Everyone laughed and I nodded, “Folks, I work hard. I don't do a thing with drugs, and I don't do it drunk either. Test my blood and I'll show you through hair, saliva, pee, sputum...” I looked over at Rayne, “Is sputum and saliva the same thing???”


He smiled, “Yeah!”

“Ok, you only get one!”


Everyone laughed and I said, “Folks, Disney, The Venetian, Columbia, and Armani have been notified and sent the video of what really happened. Perez Hilton and Cyndi Adams were notified and were smart enough to come to me. I sent the video, but can Jeff??? No. He can get you an aerial photo of my house which is a CLEAR VIOLATION OF MY CONTRACT, and he can insinuate that it's a drug sting. When he's flat out telling you it's a drug sting and that I was arrested, that's no longer an insinuation, it's slander, and it's a violation of HIS CONTRACT with his company when he's driving down the shareholders stock by devaluing it... And yes, that's SEC violations folks!

And when he pisses me off, and when he pisses off Rayne to the point he's got us having each other's back again... And when he flat out sets up Rayne's brother to be killed, and when he's set me up, and when he's got you thinking that Rayne is guilty by association, I've seriously got to wonder if he's lost his fuckin' mind!”

Rayne smiled real big, “You can't say fuckin' on television!”

Everyone laughed and I rolled my eyes, “Folks, I apologize... I'm not real new to this, but I am. I'll learn the words I can and can't use, but you bleep them all to hell!”


I looked over, “Can I say that?”


Everyone laughed and I pointed, “Folks, the truth is this... I bought a Rolls Royce tonight. Although I've bought Rolls Royces for others, this is the first one I bought for myself...”

I looked down, “NO, this is my BMW, not the Rolls Royce, but the Royce is going to be detailed because of the cocaine which was attempted to be put in the fuel filler door. And the Ghost I bought for someone...” I winked at Rayne. “Has to be detailed because we don't know, and the police don't know that it's not been tampered with and had drugs planted upon it.

Needless to say, I've got the video proving I'm innocent. I've got video proving I saved a cop's life. And I've got the video proving there's a witness who probably is upset that the big commission he was getting is now going for his personal security.”

I took a deep breath, “To all of my fans out there whether it's for the music, acting, or whatever, I thank you. I'll be attending award shows because Disney and I are going into a beautifully written contract which assures me that I'll make money.

Ask me if I got all the money they said I got, and that Rayne got, and I'll show you my contract which said the first movie was $1 million, the 9th was $9 million, and when I made the 10th, he screwed me and wouldn't let me negotiate my pay, but gave me the $9 million.

Now, a lot of you might see $9 million as being a lot. Take 1/3 for taxes, take a lot of fees, and a lot of people's salaries, and you're stuck with very little of it. When those same people have salaries and everything and you've made $1 million, you're in the hole unless you've got the super kind folks like Armani and the people who put out my posters, and all you kind people who bought my merchandise.
Did I get anything from concert tours? I got $1 million for the first and $9 million for the 9th... And yes, I toured a lot because it beat eating peanut butter.

And did I eat peanut butter? Yes. And did I learn the night of my first Oscar that he went out and a huge steak and didn't give a damn if I had peanut butter without bread to eat that day? Yeah. So I balked, and gave up that so that I protested.

Well, now you're seeing me go to Disney and you're seeing us leaving this company.

My advice is that if they keep him, to boycott the movies and records... Does that mean not to go see me at The Venetian? I'm not saying that... The Venetian is paying me well. They will probably pay Rayne very well if we can swing that deal to put he and I on the same stage and us getting some music out there where we collaborated.”

Everyone sounded super excited and I nodded, “Folks, Rayne and I love each other. It's been hard with people getting in the way and trying to shame me because I was angry and upset that his brother raped me with a pistol to my head on the floor of our living room with him being made to watch.

Am I keeping that silent? No. Ask me if it plays mental games with you and I'll tell you it's hard to get over. It's hard not to be angry. It's hard to not blame needlessly, and it's hard not wanting to become violent.

What it didn't make me do was pick up a bottle of booze, or pills, or any other drug. It did make me to sit back and take stock and realize that a shameful bitch who wanted to say that my anger was manipulative and abusive to Rayne. And yes, Erica... I'll expose you too! You should've been fired that night, but I ran out on a man I love because your words caused me to doubt myself. Well bitch, bring it because I've got that voice recording if you don't!”


I nodded, “Folks, I know I've sent you into overload with all this, but you know what??? I'm still standing. I'm standing again with him at my side, and I'm gonna make it.

If I appear a little tense sometimes, please understand that it's not you, it's not him, it's not anyone but me having a lot on my plate, and it might be me working and thinking about my character or role... Lord knows I've gotta do it where I'm that person for real.”


I hopped down and said, “Man, I was going to trade that car in!”


Everyone laughed and I pretended to dust the dent out. I asked, “Are there any questions?”


Someone asked, “When will we hear new music from you?”


I turned to Rayne, “Do you have any ready?”


He shook his head no. “No.”

I said, “Everyone, I've got enough for 3 new albums. I promise you that I've got enough for Rayne an album, and I'm sure we'll have a bunch for us an album.

The Venetian has promised me an orchestra, so I'll see if we can have him there working so that they'll want to extend the dates.

What I will state is for the next 7 months, the Venetian will be where I'll be.”

My phone rang and I said, “Folks, it's the Venetian... Someone already ran this live!”


Everyone laughed and I answered, “Hello?”


Yeah, we'll do that!”


Ok. I'll let Rayne know! Can I announce it?”


Yeah! Do that!”

“Ok. Thank you!”

I rang off and said, “Everyone, the Venetian just approved him working there with me. I'm happy about that...”

I looked up and the tears fell. Rayne came over and hugged me real big and the flashbulbs went nuts.


Robert came out and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, if I might have a moment of your time, I'd like to play for you a recording of Jeff Fortuna spreading this vicious lie.”


He held up his phone and it got really quiet. We heard Jeff's voice and Perez' voice talking.

Jeff was curt and to the point. He basically dictated what he wanted said in the article. Then, he said, “I have the photograph you're to use.”


At the end, Perez said, “Jeff?”, and Jeff said, “What?”, and Perez said, “What do you have to gain by this? They're two of your biggest stars?”, and Jeff said, “Sometimes they bring themselves down.” and hung up.

I said, “Folks, remember that last line.... Sometimes they bring themselves down.”


I held up a finger, “To the board of that company, you see our attorney. You know what I'm going to request as compensation for these damages. Don't think you'll ever bring me a settlement without having his removal as a part of it. It won't happen!
Right now, I'm going to give three people here my blood. They can test it. They can test my hair. They can test my saliva. And they can compare the results.

Absolutely nowhere will anything be found. I'm not going to even play that game of St. John Wart, or Poppyseed Dressing. I'm telling you there will be absolutely nothing in my system.”


Robert came over and said, “No. You do it for the court!”

I waved my hand, “And you don't think trial by press isn't a courtroom? They CAN handle the truth!”


Everyone laughed and I turned, “Jack, love ya man!”


Robert smiled, “Ok, offer to give them whatever it takes so that they'll have those results.”

I said, “Does anyone have a drug test on them?”


Everyone laughed and I held up my hands and shrugged, “Don't look at me! I know I'm clean!”


Robert said, “Pick three and go pay for some tests!”

I said, “Do we have MSNBC in the house?”


Everyone laughed and I smiled, “I was going to actually have MSNBC and FoxNews agreeing on something!”


I picked, “You, you, you, and you... You folks follow me to Walgreens. I'll buy, and do the tests in front of you... You can't take pictures! Some of you photoshop and I don't need that! That tiny cup will look huge!”


Everyone really laughed and Robert smiled, “The saliva one!”

I said, “Oh!”


They really laughed and Robert shook his head. He said, “Everyone, he's for 100% honesty. Ask Jeff if he knows what it is, and he'll tell you HE can't handle the truth!”


I motioned, “Give me a moment. I'll find a Walgreen's.”


I gave them the address and said, “If you's in the press would like to follow and see the results, we'll do it up nice... We'll drive as one big long motorcade like a funeral procession. It might not be mine, but Jeff's career will certainly be gone as I nail the lid shut on it!”


We got in and Rayne said, “Get tests for me too.”

“Ok.”

He said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”


Loving me.”

“Hey, you've loved me too! Even if you hadn't, I'd probably still be loving you!”

He put his hand upon mine and we held hands all the way there. We went in and you should've seen the press going in. The girl behind the counter looked shocked and I said, “Pregnancy tests!...I need one!”


Everyone laughed and she smiled. I said, “Seriously, I need some drug tests. Eight of them.”

She took me back and they followed. I said, “Tonight, you're famous. Tomorrow, you'll be a star!”


She laughed, “I bet you say that to all the girls!”

“Not often.”

Rayne said, “We need your name. You're quick with the humor and that's what we need for some movies.”


She looked surprised and a guy overheard, “Are you going like Hope, Crosby, and Lamour?”


I looked at Rayne, “Janelle too?”


He nodded, “Yeah!”

I said, “Cool! We'll do it up and I'll be the comedy. You be the one who gets the girl... I wouldn't know what to do with one if I got it!”


Everyone laughed and she said, “Uh, I'd have to tell you it's not that side!”


Everyone really laughed and I said, “Girl, you're hired!”


I turned, “The first time I've ever hired a girl!”


Rayne rolled his eyes, and everyone laughed. We got the 12 panel test for opiates, caniboids, meth, cocaine, phencyclidine, and marijuana. It also tested for oxycodone, methadone, tricyclic antidepressants, benz, and bartituates. They had seven of each, and we took them all.


I said, “Ok. Here's the deal...” I winked real big and said, “I need someone to make sacrifice and hold the cup!”


Everyone laughed and I got a couple of AIDS tests and pregnancy tests. Rayne gave me a look and I said, “Just to confirm everything!”


He nodded and we went up and paid. I said, “Everyone, excuse me while I get really secretive and use my card!”


I used my card and said, “Ok. I need this light to read by. If I don't, I might stick it somewhere it shouldn't go!”


I turned to Rayne, “Get her name and number. Lord knows I don't want to forget that! They might think it's a setup, but everyone's witness to how we found our girl.”


He said, “Hang on, I'm reading the instructions here!”

I turned and mimed. “You know we once went to a birthday party and heckled the juggler. It pissed off the donkey and no one could catch it! You'd be amazed at what some wild ass will do to a kid's birthday party!”


Everyone really laughed and someone asked, “How do you heckle a juggler.”


I rolled my eyes, “You're straight. I would've wanted to know about the wild ass!”

Everyone laughed and he really smiled. I started clapping and doing 'HEP! HEP! HEP! HEP!” and said, “Do that in that beat and the balls hit the floor!”


Everyone laughed and Rayne smiled, “You have to do it this way...”

We took the tests and I said, “Within a 99.9% chance, you AREN'T the father!”


Everyone laughed and I spit on the AIDS test. I asked, “Ok, how do I pass this pregnancy test! I'm so nervous!”


Rayne rolled his eyes, “Pass it to the dame.”


I looked shocked, “I swear I've never seen her before in my life!”


He said, “For a return, dumbass!”


Everyone really laughed and I said, “Ma'am, we're terribly sorry. He says I don't need this... I swear!”


She smiled real big and was trying to hold it together. She said, “I hate to tell you, but we can't take returns on these.”


I know I looked shocked, “Not even still sealed in the box???”

She shook her head, “I'm sorry.”

“Ma'am, I swear! I'm gay! Rainbow Alliance and card carrying PFLAG member!”


Everyone really laughed and she smiled, “No returns, no exceptions!”

I rolled my eyes, “Jeez, I suppose I'll hand these out to homeless people. They'll ask me if I've lost my mind, and I'll tell them... Hey, no returns, no exceptions! You ask that girl over there! She'll tell you!”


She smiled, “You're going to take me with you?”


Of course! I wasn't going to go alone!”


Everyone laughed and I said, “Seriously, if you go down and help feed the homeless, you'll be rewarded. I've been there a lot... MY career has sucked!”


Everyone laughed and she really smiled. “Ok, I'll go with you!”

“Not tonight. I drove the Beamer and he's got shotgun.”


She smiled, “Ok!”

Rayne said, “Now that you've struck out, I have some results.”


Ok. Tell me... I can take it... I've been studying for this test you know...”


He smiled, “Your four over there are all good. Mine over here two of them are good and that one is blinky.”


I cocked my head, “How could one not work?”


He shrugged, “Everyone saw it and you now know that they can be bad!”


I asked, “Everything else ok?”


He nodded, “Yeah.”

“Good! You know she's real sweet. She offered to go feed the homeless if I'd give them pregnancy tests!”


Everyone laughed and Rayne smiled. He shook his head, “How did I not hear it that way!”

I smiled, “I don't know George... I mean I don't know Rayne!” like Gracie Burns. Everyone really laughed. I said, “Folks, we want to do our comedy clean. We'll throw everything at you and we'll still make it so that you feel good about watching it afterward.


I pointed, “You have your results and watched us take the tests. That one there ought to be enough to get Monte Vison sued because that could've cost a kid his home.

I think if a lesson came out of this, it's that parents need to think of this test when doing those tests... They might give a false reading. And seriously, if you see 6 of them and say they're all false readings and you had one which finally saw the truth... Get real!”

I shrugged, “This wasn't a set up. She and Walgreens had no clue we'd decide to do this! It's crazy luck we've got a great gal as a part of our troupe, but that's cool.

What I'm finding is this... You've seen us throw caution to the wind and do this. Ask some others here in Hollywood if you want to see some messed up test results!” I turned, “Did I mention any names???”


He smiled, “Gracie.”


Everyone laughed and I said, “Uh, By George, I think he's got where she's located!”


Some laughed and I said, “Folks, I hate to cut our date short, but they wouldn't take the pregnancy tests back. You're not going to get me to take one because I didn't study.”


I turned to Rayne, “How would you study for one?”. He said, “Lights out in the bedroom.”


Everyone laughed and I said, “Ok. I need a refreshmint course!”


He smiled, “Refreshmints?”


I pointed, “Sure, I bought the tests! What does everyone want?”


Everyone really laughed and he smiled real big.


We shook hands and everyone went out onto the parking lot. We got in the car and left.


As soon as we got to going, he said, “You're crazy, you know that?”


Yeah. You ok with it?”


Absolutely.”

“Did you get her number?”


Yeah.”

“Great. We need her.”


You're brilliant with how you can take a bad situation and make it great. The world will know how we found her and will clamor for details on her career.” He paused, “I'm calling Robert.”

“Ok.”

We drove out to the house. When we got out, the one cop was still there. I went over and shook his hand, and so did Rayne. He said, “I had to stay. You left your house wide open.”

I nodded, “I figured you guys would need to use the restroom or something.”

He shook his head no, “Right after you left, they did.”

I nodded, “Ok. I apologize for taking so long, but we had quite an ordeal.”


He smiled, “That's fine!”

I motioned, “Come on in. I know you probably need to be someplace, but you can give us another 5 minutes.”

“Ok.”

We went in and Rayne said, “Nice house! It's gorgeous!”

I introduced them and Rayne asked, “Where did they take my brother's body?”


The officer said, “Medical Examiner's Building.”

Rayne said, “I'll be stuck paying for it.”. He didn't look happy, and I said, “Do it. He's not my favorite person, but hey... We all get stuck doing things for our family we don't want to do.”


He gave me a look, “You back around your parents?”


I've not spoke with them for a year and a half. I bought them a vehicle and a house and stocked the bar... Guess what happened?”


OH man!”

I pointed, “Out in the garage is the Polara. I had it restored. It might not mean anything to anyone else, but to me, it's where I was born.”

The cop asked, “You were born in a back seat?”


I nodded, “Out in the Mojave Desert... One guess how I got my name?”


He laughed, “Thank God it wasn't in the drive thru of a McDonald's! She'd had fries with you!”


Rayne looked shocked, “Hey! Would you like to be one of our writers for comedy?”


He looked surprised and I said, “We're going to be doing some movies together where I'm the comedy to his straight guy.”

I paused, “Listen, you're going to hear why it took so long...” I pointed up, “Someone in a helicopter took a photo. The President of our record and movie company said that it was because I got caught up in a drug sting.”

He looked shocked, “WHAT!”

I nodded, “He's trying to ruin our careers since we didn't sign up with them again. He's got 2 weeks left on our contract and thought he could get it done.

Well, I told the press everything. We went as far as to go take drug tests at Walgreens and those came back clean. Needless to say, two press people have the recordings of the guy doing it and doing it himself. Now our lawyer is suing the hell out of him, and anyone who used what he spread.”

“Oh man!” He looked pissed.


I nodded, “Now you know what happened. It's probably the best thing in the world for our careers because a bunch of the press believed in us enough to go with us to Walgreen's, see us pull random tests off the shelf, and take them right in front of them.

What's crazy is we had 7 tests... All alike. I took four, and he took three and we passed six of them.”

He looked shocked, “HUH?”


I nodded, “The press is going to have a field day with it. It happened in front of them and all four of mine came back clean, and two of the three of his did too. One looked blinky.”


He said, “Oh man! That's a lawsuit in itself!”

I shrugged, “We didn't keep it.”

Rayne said, “The press took them. You know they're going to go after Monte Vison.”


The cop shook his head, “My God! You know that's sending chills down my spine!”

I nodded, “Think about a parent who's heard their kid's off into drugs and makes him take the test and throws him out over it!”

He nodded, “Think about the people who go back to prison over it!”


I looked at Rayne and he said, “We cracked open a case of whoop ass on a company!”


I giggled, “Yeah! What are the chances!”


He shook his head, “I bet they see that and say, “Oh fuck! Two of the biggest names in Hollywood right now did that and there's no way to recover the damages!”

I nodded, “Had I bought just one test, and it had been that one, my career would be toast.”

He nodded, “Yeah.”


The cop said,”That's just spooky!”


I said, “Well, you know it's going to be nuts on the people who say they've been damaged by a drug test.”


Rayne nodded, “Thank God it was mine. And thank God there were two others which were beside it which came up negative.”


I nodded, “I'm not going to dwell on it. We didn't do it for that purpose, but hey... it saved our career and got us a lot of good positive publicity.”


The cop smiled, “I can't believe that's what they said about what happened out here!”

Rayne said, “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Upstairs to the left. Take your pick. Mine's the one with clothes in it.”


Ok.”


He took off and I whispered, “We need that blue Rolls put in the garage. It's got his brother's brains down the side of it!”


He looked shocked, “Oh man!”

“Would you do that?”


He nodded, “Sure!”


How's that cop?”


He's still in surgery. Our Sheriff wants to speak with you.”


Ok. Tomorrow. I'm sure we're going to have to do press conferences.”

He nodded, “If you need me.”

“We might ask to do it in front of the Sheriff's Department. That way, the Sheriff can be there to do the official report and tell everyone that at no time was I involved in a drug sting!”


He nodded, “I can't believe they got that from this call!”

“It's all about damaging and doing damage control afterward. The press now knows I'll put my blood, hair, sputum, and everything else up on the line to defend my honor.”


Rayne came down carrying my clothes, “Is this my brother's blood?”


No. It's the cop's blood whom he shot.”

He nodded, “Oh! I was hating you for a minute.”


I wouldn't have done that to you!”


He nodded and the cop said, “He saved that Officer's life. You know it was terrible because he was that bloody.”

I said, “We need to spray everything down. If we don't, it's going to be awful.”


Rayne said, “I'll help.”

The cop said, “I'll spray down the cars. You don't need to see that.”

Rayne gave me a look and I shook my head, “Don't get curious. Remember him as he was, not how he died.”


Rayne came over and hugged me. “Even in life, he wasn't good.”


Your family will hold it against me just the same.”


I'm done with them.”


The cop asked, “Can I get those keys?”


Sure!”


I handed them to him and said, “I think those are to the blue car. I think the gray one has that round thing from the dealer.”


He nodded, “Ok.”


I said, “He's going to go spray down the Drophead.”

Rayne asked, “Can I see the video?”


Yeah.”

We went up and into the safety room. He said, “Nice!”

“It came with the house. If you knew the loopholes in the system, you'd know it's nuts.”

“Really?”


We watched and listened. He said, “Ok, so we're seeing it from the beginning...”

“Yeah. It kicks on when it hears or sees movement. As you can see, we weren't even here yet.”

“MAN!”


We pulled in, and I said, “I invited him in because these clothes were what I wore in concert.”


Oh ok!”

I pointed, “Right there, you see the red flash.”

“What does that do?”


It alerts you that the alarm is detecting intruders which aren't where they're supposed to be.” I pointed, “As you can see, I got us up here and locked in immediately.”

“Yeah.”


It took us a bit, but you can hear everything.”


We watched and he said, “It's taking forever for the police to get here!”

“He was right over in Thousand Oaks. She said by Lake Sherwood.”


MAN!”

“It's one of the largest areas in the country for everyone to patrol, and deliver mail.”


We watched and I pointed, “As you can see, he's messing with the car.”

“Yeah. He just kept standing there!”

“Watch. He even stands there when the police shows.”


We watched and then, the shooting happened. He said, “OH my GOD!”.


I said, “Sorry.”

“No. I'm stunned! It's like he wanted to die!”


I pointed, “That officer there was bleeding out. IF you can hear, I was telling that dispatcher to get here. Then, I told her I had to go.”


He watched and said, “Man! You're down there and you kicked the gun!”


I wasn't getting shot!”


We watched and he said, “Man! You need an award!”

“I'd much rather have you.”

He smiled, “You've got me!”


I kissed him and he really lay it on me. I said, “I hate to put a damper on this, but we need to help him.”


He giggled, “Can we later?”


Yeah.”


We went down and I patted the guy on the shoulder, “Thanks.”

He smiled, “It's no problem!”

I pulled the blue one into the garage and Rayne said, “I'm going to go get the keys for the Ghost!”


I stood there and said, “Thanks.”

He said, “My advice is if you have Windex, to get it where that blood was so the flies won't be bad.”

“Ok.”

Rayne came running back out and started the Ghost. Real fast, he had it wheeled around and was backing it into the garage.

When he came out, he said, “Your Mom and Dad's car never looked that good!”

“No. But you'd be amazed at how much it cost to restore it! That Escalade they have now will probably last a long time, but this car will last forever.”


He nodded, and stared at the blood spots. He shook his head and I said, “I'm selling the house.”

He looked at me, “Come HOME!”


I looked at him, “Rayne, I want us to buy something together.”

“We'll never be able to sell the ranch!”

“We'll be able to hold onto it and visit it, but...”


I looked away, “I'll buy another house.”


He gave me a look, “I'll buy it with you!”

I took a deep breath and the cop said, “I'll get to going.” He paused, “You two love each other, but there's a lot of stuff in the way.”

I nodded, “Yeah. I'm an abuser and manipulator with my feelings.”


Rayne said, “Bullshit!”


The cop came over and shook our hands. He said, “Work it out. Life's too short.”

He walked over and left. Rayne asked, “You don't have to let them out?”


No. There are pressure sensors when driven across on this side, the gates open. If you knew how easy it was, you'd climbed up over the fence and stomped on them and driven on in.”

“MY GOD!”

I nodded, “The system is amateurish. I hate to say it, but him standing there put it on standby because it wasn't seeing movement.”

“MAN!”

“It's nuts. The one way in which isn't well guarded, he came in. They do that for those who come in via the helipad.
Since he climbed over the fence and landed on a pressure sensor, it caught it. And because he moved out in the yard, he got seen. Had he went up and went over by the helipad, he'd not been seen, and I'd not be alerted.”

“MAN!”

“It stinks.”


He hugged me and said, “Let's go in.”

We went in and he asked, “How do we kill the lights?”


Phone.”


He laughed, “Man!”

“There's panels, but I never caught on to how they work. It's a whole lot easier to do it by phone.”


We went up to the bedroom, and I shut down the lights with the exception of the night lights. He said, “Man, that view is incredible!”

“It was a gift because you only get it at night. You see all that during the daytime and don't think it's beautiful, but at night, it's awesome.”


I took his hand and we went in and showered together. As we showered, we really made out.


When we got back to the bed, we climbed in and continued to make out. He said, “Mo, I want you!”

“I want you too. I love you, and that's what matters.”


I'm sorry for everything.”

“Forget it. If we drag if forward with us, it'll stink up our lives.”

“Ok.”

He rolled over on top of me and we made out until we made love.


The next morning, we were woke by my phone. “Hello?”


Robert said, “My phone is ringing off the desk! How soon can I see you two?”


We'll be there. Let me get up and get us some breakfast and we'll be there.”

“He's there?”


Yeah.”


Good, I don't need to track him down!”

I rang off and Rayne said, “I heard.”

I chuckled, “Robert sounds like the only one who is surprised you spent the night!”

He laughed, “I like him.”


Me too. You'd be amazed at how fearless he is!”

We got up, and he said, “I'm going to have to go get some clothes.”

“It's quicker to stop by Rodeo Drive. It's on the way.”

He smiled real big, “Do you do that?”


Yeah. If I'm in a pinch, I run by there and get clothes!”


He laughed, “I've not been there since that one day!”


Remind me I need to get someone on us buying a jet.”

“Ok.”

“That's expensive as hell, but I think I have it in loose money.”

“I'll help.”

“It's nearly $28 million.”

“MAN!”

“That's used!”

“FUCK!”

“You'll love it. You drive and I'll order that.”

“Online?”


Yeah.”

“I want to hear our music you have picked.”


Ok.”

He gave me a look, “You know, I had to pick all my music by what I thought you'd enjoy.”

“Well, it worked!”

He smiled, “Yeah!”


We went out and he asked, “Are you leaving this open?”


The housekeeper will be downstairs.”

“HUH?”


I pointed up, “That's where she lives.”

“Did she see anything?”


I shrugged, “I didn't ask, and she didn't offer.”

He looked surprised, “MAN!”

“Rayne, when I hire someone, I lay it out as to how I want things. She was hired being told that my privacy is paramount. She gets her car and it's a totally separate garage. She gets a code, and she gets her house. Her grandchildren come and I'm nice to them and they get to play with the television and everything, but that's all we intermingle.

In regards to guests, Gray has been the only person who has stay all night. I think he wanted more, but that sure as hell wasn't happening!”


Has there been anyone?”


No! I'll tell you I was tempted once on a movie set, but I asked myself if my character would do that, and it was a huge, “Oh hell no!”, so I didn't.”


He laughed, “Your movies are awesome. You can get everyone to crying so fast that when they show the scene submitted for your Oscars, everyone is bawling by the time it's over. Then, we all know who won!”


I giggled, “That'd been funny to watch!”

“Where are they?”


Out in the gardening shed.”

“HUH?”


Everything's out there!”

“WHY!”

I batted my eyes and paused, “Rayne, I don't do it for that. Perhaps some day I will, but I don't. To me, it's a paycheck. More paychecks mean more money. More money means more security, and yes, with this house, I was able to sell the house in Tarzana because I knew this one would provide for me due to it being so beautiful.”


He nodded, “This is awesome.”


I chuckled, “You've not even seen the front!”


He laughed, “No! I know what I like!”

“Come on, I'll show you around!”


We went through the house and out the double front doors. As soon as he saw the columns, he said, “Oh man!”

“Rome. As you can see, that view during the daytime down there doesn't look like much.”

“No, it doesn't!”

“Pleasant surprise because they sure don't mention it when they're showing you the house.”

“Hmm, that's strange!”

We walked out into the front yard and he said, “Man, this is beautiful!”

“It cost her $91 million. I bought it for less than $13 million in foreclosure.”

“MAN!”

We walked and when he saw the fountains, he said, “My GOD!”


We walked quicker and he said, “OH man, this is amazing!”

“I found the place on ebay where these were gotten.”


EBAY!”

I nodded, “Everything here was gotten on ebay... Even that aviary there.”


MAN!”

“The problem with an aviary is you need a bird keeper. They all need different things and if you get too many, it sounds like a fuckin' zoo.”


He laughed, and I smiled, “I'd go buy birds two at a time. They'd get let loose in there and it'd be war!”


He laughed and I nodded, “It's cool, but my housekeeper handles it.”


Good!” he looked around, “I love it here!”

“Over here is the gardening shed.”

We went in and he laughed, “You're crazy! You have them all facing away!”

“Each shelf is it's own movie. The awards come in and they go on a shelf.”

He smiled real big,and I saw the tears. He hugged me and really cried. I held him and he said, “I've missed all this!”

“Babe, don't think about it. You're here, and that's what matters.”


We held onto each other and I heard the housekeeper chirping. I said, “Listen because she's about to set off a war.”


Suddenly, it sounded like all hell broke loose with the birds squawking. He said, “MAN!”. He took off and I kept up. She looked shocked and I said, “Good Morning!”

She smiled, “I see you finally got him here!”


I smiled,”Yeah. We're back together.”

She nodded, “Good!”


I said, “We're going to be leaving. It's a busy day.”


She asked, “Are you ok?”


Yeah. I'm great.”

She nodded, “I saw what happened last night. I decided to leave it alone.”


I nodded, “Did you see the press this morning?”


She nodded, “Two had it wrong. One had it right. Then, I turned it off.”

“ABC had it right.”

She smiled,”Yeah.”

“I spoke with the head of Disney, and sent him the video. He knows the right story.”


She nodded, “Get the other two set to rights!”

“Oh, I am! We're on the way to the lawyer's office.”

She nodded, “If you need me to speak, let me know.”

I shook my head no, “The video cleared me.”


She nodded, “They sure have it wrong!”


I nodded, “Yeah!”

We went over to the helipad and I pointed, “This is the way I get in and out of the place most of the time.”

“I leave a farm truck at the airport in case I need to do any errands.”

“That'd be cool. I should leave the BMW there, but I don't.”


We went through and he looked, “You need a different alarm here.”


I'm going to speak with someone and ask for a whole new system.”


We went into the house and he looked at me, “DO you realize who she is???”


Yeah.”

“I can't believe she's your housekeeper! She was really famous!”

I nodded, “Hon, if you don't save it, it won't be there. Between rotten choices, and her kids, she's down to very little.

She needed a place to live and an income, so I hired her. She doesn't have to work hard at all, and lives a life which is peaceful.”

He shook his head, “Man!”


Her offering to put her reputation on the line and coming out as my housekeeper can't be done. I wouldn't think of it!”


He shook his head, “I'm still blown away!”

“You don't ask, and you don't tell!”


He smiled, “Ok!”

“Let's just say this... I didn't set out to hire her. I put an ad on the wall in the supermarket over in Thousand Oaks. She and two others called and then, the press caught wind from one of the two.”

“MAN!”

“Yeah. I was pissed!” I paused, “Needless to say, she understands my need for privacy. She was famous and she has the knowledge of what it's like to live the life.”


Yeah, but I thought she was really set!”

“Hon, do you realize that she didn't make but $20 grand an episode. They DO get royalties when they show the reruns, but they didn't use her in the reunion movie because she dared to ask for $50 grand!”

“MAN!”

I nodded, “She makes $225 a year here. She has no bills and I cover everything including her food, cell, and insurance.”

He said, “What do we need to get before we go?”


My iPad.”

“Ok.”

My phone rang, “Hello?”


I'm down at the gate with your Maserati.”

“Great!”


I went over and pushed the button. Rayne asked, “What's that?”


The salesman bringing the Maserati... I'm trading in the BMW.”


He nodded, “I suppose it's time.”

“The warranty runs out next week.”

“OH!”

As he got to different gates, I pushed to let him through. When he got to the courtyard, I pushed and then, said, “Let's go see it!”


We went out and I said, “Man, that's a hot car!”

Rayne chuckled, “It's sharp!”


We walked around it and I nodded, “It's what I want.”

He smiled, “Good!”

He had me sign and I said, “Give me a moment and I'll pay.”


He waited and I used my card. He said, “Ok. I've got someone down at the end of the drive.”


I nodded, “Thank you.”

“You'd be amazed at the press!”

“Really?”


They're all asking who the salesman was. Our manager is telling everyone they're welcome to look at cars, but that we don't divulge that information.”


I nodded, “The second you drive the BMW in, it's going to set the pack upon you.”


He shook his head no, “Not yet!”

I nodded, “That's fine! Do you want a ride down the hill?”


Where!”

“You could ride on the hood. I'll drive slow!”

He laughed, “Ok!”

We hopped in and I drove us slow. When we got to the gate, he laughed and said, “Thanks!”

I turned around and drove up the street back to the house. Rayne asked, “What are we doing?”


Our deal was I got us a jet and you drove the Ghost! Remember?”


He smiled, “Ok! I thought that since this one came, you wanted to drive!”

“No. I'm not going to upset your day!”

We parked and pulled the Ghost out. Then, we put the Maz in the Ghost's parking spot. When we left, my phone rang, “Hello?”


Mo?”


Yes?”


I got your email, and saw your press conference.”


Ok?”


I'm calling to tell you that we at Columbia don't tolerate that sort've behavior.”


Sir, I didn't have a thing to do with anything!”

“I'm hearing different! I'm letting you know that we're not going to do that contract.”

“Ok. That's your prerogative. I'll shop it elsewhere! Thank you for calling. It's now my job to see you regret that decision! Don't be surprised if it's not mentioned in a press conference!”


I rang off and Rayne gave me a look. “I'm sorry.”

“Well, you heard. My voice recorder heard. I'll leave it at that.”


He nodded, “What do you think the cause of it is?”


I think there's a 'thou shalt not', and that's in regard to openly exposing Jeff. The deal there is I could give a fuck less. The way I see it, they're fine when you're not making much, but when you're wanting to make a lot, they'll do all they can to keep you down.”


What's your idea?”


I've got a 3 movie deal with Disney. Disney, for some reason, didn't want the music agreement. What I think is they've got stars whom they want and they don't want proven sellers.

What I'll do is I'll get everything released if I have to buy a company to do it.”

“Do you have enough?”


Yes. I'm right at $50 million in one account and $70 in a different one.”

“Cool!”

I took a deep breath, “What do you have?”


About $90 million.”

“Wanna go in on a studio with me?”


Like what?”


Culver City is for sale.”


He frowned, “What is that?”


Desilu, RKO, David O. Selznick, Cecil B. DeMille. Gone with the Wind was filmed there. Citizen Kane, King Kong, and a gob of others. There's 40 acres of studios, back lot, and... They filmed Andy Griffith Show there. Batman & Robin television show...” I was thinking and he said, “Want it?”


I think we could film our movies there and release them. If we control the budget and control production, we'll be able to put out what we want.”


He gave me a look, “It has to be all digital. Those cameras are expensive.”

“Yeah.”


He gave me a look, “What are we going to make on the Venetian concerts?”


$25 million. I'm filming at Disney during the day and doing the concerts at night. They've got us for 7 weeks, but really, it's an open ended contract.”

“What's that mean?”


$500 grand a concert. When we get to the end, we can re-up.”

“MAN!”

“As I see it, we can take the show on the road from May until September. By then, we can have another show put together and they'll realize they need a bigger theater.”


I got on the phone with Norm at the Venetian, “Hello?”


It's me. Are you firing me too?”


Who fired you?”


Columbia.”

“Why?”


The man is being shown what he was told didn't happen. I sent the video to him and he STILL believes what he was told by Jeff. Needless to say, that's $20 million a record for 3 albums gone.”

“Do you need a place to record?”


Yeah. We were just discussing buying the Culver Studios. It's $120 million.”

“MAN! I was thinking about a recording studio for records!”

“Yeah. Do you have one?”


The Palms has a recording studio. A whole lot of records have been recorded there.”

“Can you get an orchestra into one?”


Ooh, I don't know! Could they record you live here?”


I was planning on recording a video live there of the entire performance and selling it to HBO or Showtime.”


Let me pitch it! What are you wanting?”


Since it's going to be my Greatest Hits put out in video form and Jeff will never see any Greatest Hits album out of me, I was looking at $50 million. However, with Rayne performing, it's going to have to be a helluva lot more!”

“What are you two wanting for the contract for you two?”


What are you thinking?”


Well, we're looking at you two performing a good 3 hours if it's combined. With you, it was going to be what... an hour twenty?”


Right in there.”

“Either we could go with you following him, or him following you, or you two performing together. Because it's basically giving them two for one but two huge stars together, it's going to probably have to be a helluva lot more.”


Do you have the venue to hold everyone and keep it affordable?”


He took a deep breath, “This season? No. Next season? I could have a 20,000 seat put up if I can get you to a long term contract.”

“Hang on. Let me put it on speaker because he's driving.”


You're in a car?”


Our new Ghost. It's quiet, isn't it?”


Yeah!”

I put it on speakerphone and said, “You and I performing long term at the Venetian. Basically, we become a headline act and get our own venue which is 20,000 seats.”

Rayne said, “Ooh, 20,000 seats got filled by me nightly. If they put you and I in, we'll have overflow.”

I said, “Norm?”

“Yeah?”


How big can you go on that?”


I don't know!”

“Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that you could do 30,000 seats with no problem.

What I'll say is this... I was wanting Cher's stage designer to put me a show together which is a lot like hers was.

I was thinking 32 dancers 16 men and 16 women. And I was thinking a band with us using orchestra recordings. It would keep it cheap and all we'd need is some spectacular lighting and some really huge video screens.

If he's coming in, it's going to take an orchestra. I'm sorry, but whereas I'm more band orientated, he's needing an orchestra.

We can perform in the round. OR, we can do like a football stadium where we've got one entire side and we have some really comfortable seats, or we make something where we're going to have a amphitheater.
What I'll tell you is this... He and I have talked and we like the open ended part of it. Therefore, the long term commitment of...let's say 40 years would be great.

I know we'll sell 'em because I already have the music picked for my next 3 and I've got the music picked for his next 1... and the music picked for us 1 together.”

He asked plaintively, “Here's where I'm worried. If you give me a long term contract, I can build you anything you want and have it with your names on it.

With a football stadium, you'd sell 50,000 seats, but it's going to be slow at some points during that run.”

“I think you're wrong there. You've got conventions coming into the city every week and we're a pretty broad dimension when it comes to women wanting to see us, and gay guys wanting to see us. Kids love us both, and teens love us both.

With us continuing to drop new music, and with us keeping it fresh, it's going to sell and continue to stay vibrant.”

“You're not understanding me. I know it's going to sell huge. What I'm worried about is this first 7 months when all we've got is 8,000 seats.”

“What are you proposing?”


If you'll be patient with me and get your names on a long term contract like that 40 years, I can give you a whale of a contract where you're looking at $10 million a week. That's 30 weeks, so that's a $300 million contract each year for that 40 years.”

“My God! That's $12 billion!”

He laughed, “Let me say something. The ownership with us saw everything last night. When he saw you doing your comedy, he wanted in for that! He said, have them do that on stage! It'll fill the house! It's clean, it's hinting at being dirty, but they don't go there!”

I said, “Good. I'm glad he believes in us.”


I'm told to give you what you want.”

“Do you realize how much money that is?”


He laughed, “Oh, I'm well aware! We're banking on the future with you two and think it'd carry well into the future.”


I do too.”

Rayne asked, “Merchandising... Do we get that?”


I said, “Yes. They've got a store out front which I wondered if it'd be big enough, but I figured we could have everything in pallets so that everyone would be able to get what they want and us having a lot on hand.

In regards to posters, I know it's going to be outrageous. I know that one where I did the silver lame suit like Elvis sold more than I really expected.”

Rayne laughed, “It's because it showed your package!”


Well, I think they enhanced that!”

They laughed and Rayne said, “NO! They didn't! You look down at it! Everyone else sees it!”

“Well, that looks obnoxious!”


They really laughed and I said, “Ok, I apologize. I don't think it looks that big!”


Norm really laughed, “That one video where you got wet and everything went transparent, my wife said, “MY GOD!”, and she thinks 200 million views happened on YouTube just because of that!”


I laughed, “Now, that was an accident. They said 'PRINT' as soon as it happened! I was like, “Ok, it's probably not bad!”, but I'll tell you I didn't even watch it, so I can't say for sure!”


Rayne said, “Norm, if you saw what I saw this morning, you'd be in shock!”

Norm asked, “What's that?”


I said, “Keep it clean!”

They laughed and Rayne said, “Out in his garden shed are all the awards. They're ALL facing the wall!!!”

I said, “I hate spaces like that.”

Norm really laughed, “Display all your awards here!”

“Ok!”


Rayne laughed, “See, he hates them!”

I said, “Norm, I do it for the paycheck. When they give awards, that's fine, but give me a paycheck and I'm happier. I've never once invited an Oscar to supper, but I'll tell you it doesn't feed me worth shit!”


He really laughed and said, “You deserved every one of them! And Rayne, you deserved every one of yours too! I think you two were neck in neck for them and they should've declared a tie, but he gets them to crying and it's over!”

I said, “In all fairness, whoever wrote it is good. Otherwise, I'd have no character to play.

Now, do I get into the character? Yeah, but that's usually when I do that drama. It should've been written, but it wasn't. I say it and they give the award.
Ask me if I've seen a single one of those movies, and I'll tell you I ask to see the scene I shot that day and then, I get back away from it. I couldn't tell you what the movie looked like.”

Rayne laughed and Norm sort've sputtered, “You've never seen them?”


No. Who wants to go see themselves up on the screen? It's sort've like, “Oh, let's go watch me!”. Uh, no... I can't be that way!”

They laughed and I said, “Norm, we're about to get to the office. Here's what I'll say... As soon as we get finished here, we're going to fly there. See if you can get your people together and we'll see how big we can get a stadium.

I'll tell you this... if you put a stadium which holds 50,000 and you make it so that each show only pays us $20 bucks, and you're pricing it at $50 a ticket, you're going to sell out. That's $1 million for us and him getting $500 and me getting $500.

If you get us an orchestra, and us those stages which look like Cher's. We'll have something really good.

Now, what I'm going to ask for is those seats which have speakers in them. If they've got the lights in them which can pulse and change colors, that'd be awesome, but it takes a steep rake for that to happen.”

“Ok. I'll have them here!”

“Do you have a jet we can ride there?”


Yes.”

“We need it. Now how fast do you think you could put us in a theater?”


A month?”


We've got 2 weeks until the end of our contracts. I'd love to be able to have us on stage that night. It'd show the record companies that we're landing on our feet in a run.”

“Let me see what I can pull together.”


Ok.”

I rang off and said, “Ok. That was exciting.”

He laughed, “You lied to that man!”

“We need to go to Armani.”

“Yeah!”

“Let's go do that!”

He laughed, “Ok!”

We went and when we got there, he said, “Oh, that parking fee!”

“Outrageous! I bitch about it every time I come here.”


He laughed, “I heard the store takes it off your bill if you show them the receipt.”

“We get it all free! I doubt if they take it off what's free!”


He laughed, “You know that guy wants comedy in the concert.”

“We'll give it to him. We can banter back and forth and then go on into a song.”

He giggled, “You'll get carried away!”

“No, I'll tell myself, “Get to the end of this thing. They don't pay you until they're out the door!”. Then, I'll move right on through the songs!”

“I want to see you in concert.”


It's pretty eventful. Everyone sings along and I dance my ass off.”


He laughed, “We're probably the only people our age who haven't seen us perform!”

“We'll have up on stage tickets now!”


We walked down the street and on into Armani. Everyone who was in the store suddenly went all starstruck and Rayne started to giggle.


I said, “You'd think someone saw someone famous!”


One girl said, “We have, it's you!”

“Uh, yeah... I'm just me, and he's just he...he he!”

Rayne laughed and I smiled. She said, “You're MUCH better looking in person.”

“I bet you watched me in Shiloh!”

She smiled, “I bawled when you died!”

“Let me tell you I was thankful to die in that one! It was war, I tell you, WAR!”

Rayne laughed, “Oh man!”. She really laughed.


She turned to Rayne, “Are you going to be in any more movies?”


I said, “Lots of them. We're going to put 'em together so that we'll have several coming out each year.”

She looked surprised, “Good!”

My phone rang, “I apologize. This thing keeps ringing! I keep answering and it just won't stop!”


She smiled and I said, “I really apologize.”


I walked off and answered, “Hello?”


Mike said, “I have a real quick question.”

“Sure Mike.”

“Is Rayne available to act?”


Yes. The deal there is he's got to be finished by 5pm like me. We're going on stage at 7pm in Vegas nightly.”

“Really? Good!”

“If you can get him deals, that'd be great.”

“Like yours?”


Yeah.”

“Do you want to do three together?”


This first three, or the last three?”


He laughed, “The NEXT three!”

“Ok. $50 million?”


Yeah.”


Let me ask. It'd be wrong of me to say yes without asking him.”


I went over and asked, “Mike at Disney wants to know if you want to do movies?”

He gave me a look and I said, “You do three, and then, you do three with me. All of them at $50.”

“Million?”


Yeah.”

He looked shocked, “Sure!”

I said, “Mike, you've got us for six each at $50.”


GREAT!”


We went with a 40 year contract at the Venetian. It's $300 million a year and is $12 billion over the life of it.”

“MY GOD!”

“I think we can sell it!”

He laughed, “That's unreal!”

“I thought so, but it's pretty neat as a spare job!”


He laughed, “What's your first job?”


Movies. Music is a third, but we've got to put that together... Uh, how fast can we sign those?”


Robert's getting them put together for us.”

“Ok. We're on our way there next. We're at Armani getting clothes, and then, we'll be going there, and then, we're flying to Vegas. Now, I need to ask you a question...”

“Sure!”

“We're buying a 747.”

“Really?”


Yeah. I'm supposed to order it and get it outfitted. All in all, it's $28 million with $1 million of that being paint job.”

“Really? That's steep!”

“I thought so, but I wondered if you'd have them do a cartoon caricature of us like they had for Martin and Lewis.”

“Let's see. Can I put advertising on it?”


Sure. It has to change or stay current. You'll know you be seen because it's going to have to be at LAX and Las Vegas.”


How many months are you in Vegas?”


Seven months, I think. It was supposed to be 7 weeks, but he left it open ended... Well, let me say this, I was thinking it'd be until May, why?”


I'm wondering if we could get two of yours put in the can before you have to start back up.”

“Let's see... There are 3 months...eh, 5 months, and there's probably 20 weeks at the least... eh, 22 weeks, we could put three out if your people have their shooting ready.”

“Really?”


I understand you've got a lot more CGI stuff, but if we got the dialogue scenes put in the can and then, we had the CGI scenes ready, we could do two of those a day besides the dialogue stuff.

I know that's me dictating the Direction, but Mike, can I bitch for a second?”


Sure.”

“Here's what I think. You have all these people who stand around who work on that scene. Why they're not putting together a few other scenes, I don't know.

On a lot of my movies, we shot 3 and 4 scenes a day. Yeah, it went long into the night at times, but I really think that if they had it ready to go, we could move over and move over and move over, and get some film shot.

What Rayne and I were talking about earlier was buying Culver and putting film in the can for our comedy movies we want to shoot.”

“Really?”


All we really need is a sound stage and sets. I'm not really wanting to own a full studio when we can just lease and have things made ready.”

“How are you wanting it?”


Here's the deal. We're wanting it to be comedy like Martin & Lewis, Gracie & George, Abbot & Costello, and Hope & Crosby. Throw in other duos of the time, and you have it...Ricky & Lucy with the Mertzes, The Honeymooners, and you've got something which give situational, and a bit of slapstick.

What I won't do is blue. I'll get right up to the edge, but I won't go nasty. I don't want to do it with lots of dirty words, and I don't want political, or racial.

Now, that's what I want. I want it to be something where at the end, we know people have laughed and we know that people got their money's worth.

I understand Disney has their standards and I'm not talking a Disney classic. In that, Disney has everything perfect and beautiful and it's usually a cartoon because that's how it has to be.

We had a lot of non-animated ones. Look at Herbie, Flubber, and the Apple Dumpling Gang things.”

“Yeah, and I like all of those. It's something where we could shoot some like that, but I want us having a really good script, dialogue, and us working it as characters, but us having a rapport where people see us as the people too.”


I understand. It's strange because I see it, and it's not done anymore.”

“No. And I don't know why.”

“It went to reality and people now see reality as fake.”

“Right.”

“Can we work on some of these for you?”


Yeah, but here's the deal. I know you're looking at the $50 each and that's way too expensive when you might not break even. Get us some of those mega pictures and we'll work on the lower budget stuff and stay in the mega pictures too.”

“Ok. Let's look at all these! I'm finding this interesting because there's a bunch of them I think we could do.”

“Sure.” I paused, “Listen, I need to get us a move on. We're at Armani and there's a crowd forming out front. If we're not out of here, we'll never make it to the car.”

He laughed, “Ok!”

I rang off and went over to Rayne, “Are you about finished?”


Yeah.”

“Let's get me something to wear and us get the hell out of here. There's about 40 people out front.”

“HUH?” He turned, “JESUS!”

“We're stars Babe, what can I say!”

He laughed, “That's funny!”

“They don't do it when I'm here, so it's you!”

“It's us!”


The sales girl asked, “What can I get you?”


Blue A7 sweats in my size, a gray pair of sweat pants in my size with a blue tee which matches in my size.”

Rayne laughed, “She knows it's in your size!”

She smiled and I shrugged, “I have to tell them that! I buy for other people you know!”

He smiled bigger, “They're not here!”

She giggled, and I said, “But you are!”


When you want something for me, say it's in my size.”

I shrugged, “I don't know why you got so technical! I could've been done by now!”

I looked over, “A dark navy suit... I hummed 'in my size', and a blue shirt to go with that...I hummed 'in my size'.”

They laughed and I said, “I need shoes for that... I hummed 'in my size', socks, and everything for that... and that's about it.”


She was really smiling and I said, “Put all that in a carry on rolling luggage because we're going to Vegas.”

She nodded, “Give me a few minutes.”


Sure.”


Rayne looked at the door, “That crowd's getting bigger.”


Here's what you do... Did you get yourself a suit?”


Yes.”

“Ok. That's good.”


He smiled, “I got it in my size too!”

I smiled, “We'll have to use that in a skit!”

He laughed, “You got that twinkle in your eye. I knew you were going into comedy!”

“$300 million each to work for probably 2 summers.”

“MAN!”

“What I think is if we have that much money, we could start our Christmas shows in November. I know it's early, but we could film them for television specials and make a few albums on that end of things.”

“Did you do Christmas for them?”


No. By the time I had all of mine in the can, he knew he wasn't going to get a damned thing out of me!”

He smiled, “The same here. Lord knows they put out a lot of good stuff at that summit.”

“Cool.”

“I wish you'd been there.”

I stared at him, and sighed, “Rayne, I'm not going backwards. If I do, I'll get pissed, and you'll hear about what I think about you not firing a bitch! Now, leave it there, and yes, I'm thankful it worked out for you. Ok?”


He nodded, “I'm sorry. I know it hurt you.”


I looked at the door and looked at him, “I've got to..”

“NO!”

I gave him a look, “It didn't hurt you?”

“Yes!”

“Well, that's the decision you made! You stood behind a stranger while she cracked with her best shots! In standing there, and not firing her, you supported every fuckin' word!

Now, I'll tell you what... I missed you, but about the time I got to missing you, I'd remind myself that I'm a manipulative and abusive bitch! And then, I'd casually ask my management, “Has he fired the bitch yet?” and they'd say, “No!”, and that was their clue I'd been thinking about you again. They checked weekly if she'd been fired. They checked and they had up to date information.

Me working those fuckin' runways with you and not saying anything set my face to stone because the heart was broke umpteen times! But hey, I'd get to see that bitch and once, she tried to make nice and say something. I stood there and stared and Gray came and said, “Get the fuck away from him you bitch! You got what you wanted, you're between them, and I ought to drag you out back and beat you senseless for thinking you can talk to him!”.

She walked off and I called Jeff and told him that if she ever so much as attempted to speak to me again on an Armani set, I'd sue and would sue you loud for being that low.

Needless to say, I'm sorry it hurt me too. If you didn't hurt, so be it.”

He said, “I did!”

I took a deep breath, “Do you know I paid taxes for half a fuckin' house I don't even live in? Do you know how that hit when I was paying to stay at the Beverly Wilshire and footing bills?”


He nodded, “I know. I kept hoping you'd come home!”


Had you fired a bitch, I would've! Now she's gone because all them fucks have been yanked back!”


He looked ill and nodded, I sucked air between my teeth, “If you're unhappy, buy my part of that house. I'll go forward, but your last song sung to me without me there is done! Don't pine when you couldn't say the words to get your heart made happy!”

I walked off and looked toward the door. I turned around and he hugged me, “I know your heart was broke, and I'm sorry! I'm sorry for taking us back to that point!”

“Rayne, my regret is I didn't beat a bitch down. How many times I've kicked myself in the ass for walking out of a home which was 50% mine and letting that bitch stay there are countless.

What I'll tell you is it brought about a hate in me which changed me. It's made me unemotional when it comes to firing and hiring people.

They get told what is expected, and they get told the grounds I won't tolerate. THEN, they get told that wherever we go, to have full knowledge of what the airline schedules are back to Los Angeles because if I say they go, they're gone.

Has it happened? Oh hell yeah! Have I punched anyone? How many times??? The man I caught sniffing the crotch of my clothes??? I knocked that fucker OUT! The one I suspected in stealing shit? He got fired and it's amazing that stopped! The one who made a rude comment about the sick kids in the front row? GONE!

So yeah, I'm a downright hateful bitch... The one who made salads for the crew and gave me the baby plate??? Gone! And yes, that one got slung at the bitch when I figured out she was doing it to be hateful and it wasn't a joke.”

He took a deep breath, “I'm sorry.”

I took a deep breath, “You didn't get any songs sung to you in my concerts. Had I said, “This is for Rayne”, I'd added, “and the bitch!”.”


I nodded, “Manipulative... abusive... I'm not going to be that way. You've got walking papers any time you want them. And yet, let someone try that shit again, and I'll fire once and if you choose to walk behind, the show goes on and I don't want to hear a fuckin' thing about how sad you are!”


I looked over at the girl, “Are my things ready yet?”


She nodded and I went over, “Thanks!”

She smiled and I said, “Issues... we'll get them worked out. Lord knows there are issues!”

We went out and got an ink pen and started signing autographs... By the time we made it to the corner, we were about worked through them. I gave the ink pen back to the woman and said, “Here. I appreciate you letting me use it.”

She smiled and I said, “Do me a favor...”

She sounded excited, “What's that!”

I pulled my phone and dialed the sales girl. When she answered,I said, “A woman in a blue shirt and black knit pants is going to come in. Give her a full outfit and write it off to me. Accessories included.”


Sure!”

I said, “She's going to get you an outfit with accessories and everything... My expense.”

She smiled real big, “Thanks!” and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I walked off and Rayne had the car ready. He laughed, “You're too nice!”

“I really think she's the type who thinks of everyone else except herself. I might be wrong, but I wanted her to have a nice outfit.”


He chuckled and I directed him to Robert's office. When we got there, Robert was on the phone. I sat at the other desk and his secretary smiled, “Only you do that!”

I smiled, “These contracts we're signing probably paid for everything in here until he retires!”

She pointed, “They're right here!”

I asked, “Can I see them?”


She slid them over and I read. When I finished, I slid each page over to Rayne and he read.

As I got to something which I didn't understand, I'd notate it with a paper clip and if there was something I totally disagreed with, I'd highlight it with a red highlighter.

By the time I was finished, Rayne had everything re-stacked. He gave me a look and I said, “I highlighted what I disagreed with.”


I think we're going to be busy with those three.”

I nodded, “I'm seriously wondering how we're going to be doing three of them.”

He nodded, “I think they're going to turn it into a series of movies like Pirates.”

I nodded, “Ok, I think that'll be cool.”

“It'll be real cool we're getting to head it up. That's a huge feather in our cap!”


He smiled, “I want to start saving at least 10% of our money.”

“Ok. Do you want to put it in a savings account right from the get-go?”


Yeah. I want us to buy that studio.”

“Ok. Let's get him on it.”

“Is he going to charge us a percentage?”


I doubt it.”

When Robert was finished, he got up and came out to get us. We carried the contracts in with us and handed them to him.

I said, “While you're looking at what we did on those, I want to ask you a question.”

“Sure!”

“We're interested in buying the Culver Studios.”

He looked surprised, “You're signing contracts with Disney and want to buy Culver?”


I nodded, “This is for the next 2 years. I spoke with him about renting a sound stage to film our movies and he basically blew us off.”

He nodded, “It's going to be expensive.”

I nodded, “I understand. We can hang onto it and rent it out, but I want to build up a few things I've been thinking about and see if we can put some shows on the air.”


What if you can't?”


If we can't, I'm going in and building a set myself and I'm going to show you the lowest budget movie God ever put on the planet where we make the most.”

“Really?”


He and I are great doing comedy. We do things off each other in a lot of places and it's real good. I figure that we can run with it and get some shows going which will be good for television.”


He frowned, “Like what?”


Wholesome, family shows. Something which shows family in a context that family is now for this period, not the 80's, or 70's.”


He nodded. I said, “Here's the deal. Lucy and Ricky weren't a normal family when they became popular. They put out comedic television, and then, they parleyed it into some really good shows. Desilu was on a helluva lot of shows from Gunsmoke, to Andy Griffith, to Hogan's Heros, to Mannix, Untouchables, to... Well, you get the picture.” I paused, “Robert, here's the deal. I want you to look at producing a show and look at everything I see wrong. First of all, they're still in the stone ages.”

“How so?”


Ok. Think of how they're filming football now. You've got a camera which shoots out above the field which is basically a drone.

In a studio, you could have a gantry system up there where it's going back and back, side to side, and diagonally. It's up, not in the way, and it's pulling that camera in and making it able to turn it around to stay on that action in that room.

Do it on multi levels and you get that stationary shot and do it on a third with two shooting close ups and the other moving around up above to get that scene shot in one take rather than a bunch.

When you're shooting, nothing pisses you off to be in the scene, it working, the chemistry happening, and you hearing “CUT!!!” because some cocksucker didn't get his lighting he wanted, didn't get his sound he wanted, or there was an imaginary shadow in the scene... that upon review, everything was fine.”

Rayne said, “Doesn't that piss you off!”

I nodded and rolled my eyes, “Like nothing else. If I were the Director and I checked it and found nothing, I'd be off into someone's ass for costing me time, and wasting my crew's energy!”


I pointed to myself, “Here's the deal. I'm known as 'one take Mo'. Others are known as 'one mo take'. When I come to the set, I've got my stuff memorized, I'm off into that character to the point I'm that character, and I'm there to do a job professionally.

What pisses me off is sometimes, when a kid has low self esteem, he mumbles. He doesn't speak up, and you've got a Director who's thinking he's a fuckin' cheerleader he's got me yelling so loud!
I'm like, “If he was that self confident, we'd not be doing this! He's low confidence, low on everything!”


He smiled, “I understand!”

“That Director is gut shot by a sound man. He's afraid the sound man's not going to get it, so he's making sure the sound man is kept happy.
I'm sorry, but if I'm Director, that sound man works for me... not the other way around. Believe me, when the Director is the boss of the set, I like it a lot more!”


He laughed, “Ok. How do you really feel!”

I nodded, “If you had that gantry system...and you can because today's cameras are real light... you'd have that camera in there with the mic on it and it doing it's job.

Now, does that change things up in a shot? Yeah. It makes it more intense. It gets that camera in there to get the shot. It has the cast in a scene and that scene 3 dimensional and surround because you don't see the crew because they're not in there!

Try that and you suddenly see a cast going, “Whoa! This is cool!”. You see a Director going, “Yeah! I get to get that shot because of a clumsy camera or a track!”


I nodded, “That's what I want different. I'll get it, but it's going to take me having some control. When I do, it's going to revolutionize some shows. You'll have medical shows where that camera is moving around the body and everyone operating on it. You're going to have Mama in the kitchen and Daddy in the living room talking and you seeing both because the camera's going to go through and do it without tracks seen and it becomes more lifelike.”

He smiled, “Ok. Culver does that?”


Culver doesn't blow me off when I start pitching ideas. It opens me up and it makes it so that when we have a show idea like Everyone Loves Raymond, we can put it on because it's wholesome and it's family. It's sitcom, and it's not some reality bullshit!”


He laughed, “What else?”


Rayne said, “I'll pull one better on that gantry system. Put it into a setting where you've got a game show like Price Is Right, and shoot it out over the crowd to get that closeup and bring it in as they run. It gets more excitement and it's getting you into the action.

I never knew this to be an idea of his, but the more I hear, the more I'm thinking,”Cool! Add some cables on that puppy and raise the entire thing up and down and you've got it going in a lot more areas!”

I nodded, “Yeah, that'd be neat, but have that camera able to go up and down on a slip pipe, and you'll see it working!”

Robert laughed, “Guys, I like that one! You have me seeing it being used and being a lot handier than a guy running with a steady cam.”


I nodded, “A steady cam has it's uses, but indoors, that guy's making shadows and has become a lighting Director's hemorrhoid.”

He laughed and asked, “Ok, what about your contract with The Venetian?”


I said, “He's getting you a 40 year contract which gets us $300 million a year.”

He looked shocked, “MAN!”

“We're working 10 shows a week for 30 weeks. He's happy because we're going to have one helluva stadium to perform in.”

Rayne asked, “How are we doing those shows?”


I counted off on my fingers. “Matinees on Saturday and Sunday. That's four. Monday through Friday is 9... And I'm not sure where that 10th one is unless we're doing a late night.”

He said, “Let's do late nights on Friday and Saturday and leave off Monday.”

“Ok. Let's work it so that we do a 2pm to 5pm, 7pm to 10pm, and then turn it around for a 11pm to 2am. That gives us two hours to turn around between shows 1 & 2. And one to turn around between shows 2 & 3. That gives us 12 between the shows and it gives us time to stand out front and sign autographs.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

“Here's what I want us to do... I want us having booths out in front of the merchandising shops which have black and white markers so that we can sign autographs on different things”


He nodded, “Ok. Why don't we have items with an autopen autograph on them, and things which don't?”


I shrugged, “I don't care. I like it better when I'm able to do an autograph which states, “To such and such, You're the Greatest! XOXO, Mo!”


He nodded, “Yeah, but all that takes time and we're going to have a long line!”


I nodded, “Ok, let's do that, but let's not charge more for that autograph. I think that stinks!”

“Me too! I never charge for an autograph or a photo.”


I smiled, “Let me tell you something... I had a woman come up for a photograph, that I don't know what she was wearing, but it got me to sneezing, and my eyes watering. Finally, I had to hold my breath, get her ready for the shot, Me come in and do the pose guerrilla ambush style and apologize. She apologized too, but I assured her it was her!”


They laughed and I shook my head, “She's the only person who's ever affected me that way!”


He nodded, “I had a black woman once who was so blown away that I'd hug her that she was nearly in tears!”

“HUH?”


He shrugged, “I don't know. It impressed her that I hugged her like I did everyone else!”

“Man, it makes you wonder, doesn't it? It's people like that, that I'd ask to our show out here and comp the hell out of them!”

He held up his finger,”I've got her number!”

“You do???”


Yeah. I made it a point to find out her birthday and send her roses. Then, I call and ask if she got them and she's blown away again.”

“Cool!”


I turned, “Columbia fired me.”

He looked shocked, “HUH?”


I pulled out my voice recorder and played it. He said, “I want that!”

I nodded, “Sure!”


I sent it over and he nodded, “I'll make one call before I file suit. Now, do you want that added in on your suit against Jeff and Monte Vison?”


Yeah.”


He shook his head and nodded, “Let me make a call in front of you.”

He dialed and it rang twice before it was answered. “Hello?”


Morty! It's Robert Shapiro. Listen, I've got Mo and Ray in the office. He's adding some more to that lawsuit because Columbia just fired him over that bullshit.

He was to have made $60 million besides royalties and sales percentages. I DO have that on their contract which was sent over.

Now, ask me what that's worth and it's worth another $125 million. Why? Because I'll tell you that with them performing in Vegas and performing on HBO with that music, it's going to be a huge seller.

That's slander. It's defamation of character, and it's got me suing your company for right at $3 billion for Mo alone.”

“Oh Good GOD!”


Robert nodded, “I'm releasing the filing of this lawsuit so that it's hitting right at 5pm on Friday. That way, the press gets it and the weekend news has it to hammer that company all weekend long. You, of course, can attempt to state no damage was done, and that's when I'm going to release the contract, and the voice recording which he has from Columbia stating he's now been terminated.

You can attempt to state Jeff didn't do it, but I'll tell you now that with two recordings and those people on that stand getting the press, it's going to bomb blast your company when it's found how damaging they deem it to be.

My advice is to get that fucker fired before I file the suit. Of course, you can support him, and I'll be all too happy to check and see how much Rayne's been damaged also.”
He took a deep breath, “I DO have the FBI on that situation because I DO have it on good inside knowledge that he DID call Rayne's brother and speak on the phone about setting Mojave up... Cocaine WAS mentioned, and Jeff DID tell him he COULD come by and pick that up from his office!

Now, ask yourself what the FBI is going to find when they're in his office and listening to the recording, and you'll ask yourself if I can get them to file charges on conspiracy, and a gangland style tactic. Once that's done, you know they're going to go in and start seizing assets and records.”

I was already on my iPad pulling up the voice recordings. I pointed to the call and listened. When it got to the part, I noted the time and said, “Robert?”


He looked over and I put it on play and turned it up loud. He heard it and said, “Mort? Do you hear that? That's the recording you didn't want me having. That's everything being conspired and it's what just got your boy a bunch of prison time, that lawsuit more merit, and everything I stated substantiated.”


Mort said, “Let me off here. I need to make some calls. You keep them there because we need to get this settled!”


Robert rang off and smiled, “I won't go for less than $1 billion or you a bunch of ownership in that company.”

“Make sure they pay your fees.”

He laughed, “Ok!”

I asked, “Do you think they'll come to an agreement on a settlement before it's filed?”

Robert shrugged, “I don't know.”


Make your call and get the FBI on that man. If he's calling Jeff to tell him to get hidden, he can run that company from wherever and you can't touch him.”


He nodded, “That'll turn up the pressure too.”


He pulled his phone and I pointed, “I'm going out here and ordering this jet.”


Ok.”

We went out and I pulled up the 747. I said, “Here's how this goes. We can get that 2008 747 Freighter and then, we slide in the interiors we want.”

“Like how?”


I pulled it up to the interior and said, “We can haul freight in it, or we can put a rolls in it down in the basement and have a regular interior, or a VIP interior.”

“Show me the difference?”


I went over to the interiors and pulled up the photos. “These are the ones they've got now.”

“MAN!”

“I love this one over here.”

As soon as I pulled it up, he said,”Yeah, I want that! That's nice!”

“Here's how it works. These get stored on shelves. You can pull out this one and put in this one.”

“Really?”


Yeah. Suddenly, you're carrying 280 people.”

“MAN!”

“Take the show on the road, and you've got need for one of these with a LOT of stuff in the cargo hold.”

He nodded, “Ok. I want one.”

“I spoke with Mike and he's going to advertise on it.”

“Ok.”

“IN the meanwhile, they're designing a paint job which will be great for us. Then, they can design the wrap which can go over our paint and advertise for them.”

“Ok.”

“It works in our favor because it takes the plane going in and our paint job being made perfect before theirs can go on. When they pull it off, they go over our paint job and make it right.”

“Ok!”

“It's free maintenance.”


I took a deep breath, “A crew for this is going to run about $500 grand a year.”

“MAN!”

“Fuel for it is going to be about that much too. It's a short hop between LAX and Vegas, but it's not real efficient. Now, ask me what's better and I'll tell you flying. I've driven it, but I hate that drive.”

“I've never driven it.”

“It's 4 1/2 hours which can be made in 3 hours and twenty minutes if you get it up to 80.”

He smiled, and I nodded, “It's 270 miles. At 60 miles an hour, it's 270 minutes. If you bump it up to 80, it's 3 hours and 20 minutes.”

He laughed, “Ok!”

“I've driven it and it's a LONG drive.”

“How fast will it be in the jet?”


If we get fast clearance, it'll be about 30 minutes. If it takes 45 minutes, it'll be an hour and 15 minutes to get there.”

“MAN!”

“Figure this, whatever we spend in gas to get there? It's going to take that to fly there. The advantage is the time savings.”


“Ok.”

“We can buy a house there, but I'd rather not.”

He pointed, “Have them provide it!”


They will. We'll get a top notch suite in that contract.”

“What else will we get?”


We'll get anything we want. Our food will be prepared by private chef, and whatever we want while we're there will be provided... limo, car, free tickets for anything and everything, and free gambling up to a point.”

“Do you gamble up there?”


No. I've played slots and lost $20 real fast, but that's it.”

“Have you performed there a bunch?”


Oh yeah!”

“I've only been there one weekend. I sold out, but they didn't ask me back.”

“It's probably due to the size of the entourage. Lord knows yours cost him some money with that orchestra, but Lord knows I probably paid for it with how much extra I made them!”

He laughed, “You should've started demanding everything!”


I shook my head, “No. I expected him to give us more in contracts. He didn't, so he's fucked.”


I dialed and got the jet guy, “Hello?”


I would like to get one of those 747 shells you have.”

“Ok.”

“I'd like to get new engines installed, and I'd like it flown to Phoenix where we can get the interiors put in. After that, it's gotta go to Vegas to be painted.”

“Ok.”

“I've not yet called the man about those interiors, but I will.”

“How fast do you want it?”


Do you have one with the engines on it?”


Yes.”


Let me get you paid and I'll have you fly it on to Phoenix.”

“I can get those interiors for about a third of what he's charging if you want them that way.”

“Sure! I want that maroon and brocaide interior, and I want the black VIP seating.”

“It's going to take two trips for the interiors.”

“How much is it going to cost me if I buy two of them from you?”


If you'll take one with the Pratt engines, I'll get them both for you for $40 million.”

“I only want one flight crew. Do you have some who can stay on for a couple of celebrities?”


I can make a call. Where will they be based?”


Here's the deal. It's about 50/50 between Las Vegas and Los Angeles. We're signing contracts with the Venetian, and we're going to be performing there. However, we'll be acting in Los Angeles and will be flying that direction.

During the summer months between May and September, we'll be flying to wherever we'll be acting in three different movies per summer.”

“Ok. I'm understanding better.”

“While we're filming those movies, we can be doing tours of Europe, Asia, or Australia, or Brazil. At that time, we'll need both because we have an orchestra and lots of luggage.”

“Let's do this... I'll get you one flight crew which is full time,and I'll get you one leased which is for that five months.”

“If the full time is cheaper, go with the cheaper.”

“Ok.”

“What I'll tell you now is that they'll be off on the weekends. We're going to be full time in Vegas on the weekends and won't need that time.”

“Ok. That'll make it better.”

“During the weekdays, they're going to have to be up early. We need to be at the studio by 6am, and be back in Vegas by 6pm.”

“Oh ok!”

“Monday nights will be off. We're not performing on Monday nights.”


He laughed, “Ok!”

“They have to be gay friendly. I'd hate to punch out a pilot for calling me a faggot in my own jet!”


He laughed, “Ok! How do you want this billed, Mo?”


How'd you know it was me?”


Your voice. It's unique.”


Ok. Yeah, it's me. Bill it to me. It'll go into our corporation, but it'll be it's own corporation eventually.”

“Ok. Can I offer you some advice?”


Yeah?”


Get a fuel license. It'll be a lot cheaper for you to buy fuel for it. It puts all your fuel taxes into your corporation.”

“Cool!”

“You're still paying them, it's just that you're able to offset anything you might've gained on the jet.”

“Thanks for that tip! I'll work on that!”

He got me a total of $48 million. I asked, “Why so much?”


He said, “Your interiors are $500 grand. That's $40.5. Then, you've got your taxes and licensing. In order to buy a jet, you pay those upfront.”


Ok. I understand it better.”

“It's right at $300 grand to fuel it all the way.”

“Jesus!”

He laughed, “It'll go a long way before it needs refueled.”


Ok.”

We rang off and Rayne chuckled, “Your voice has everyone knowing who you are!”


I dialed Mike, “Hello?”


It's me. I ordered two jets. One is for us and the other is for orchestra. The orchestra one will sit a lot, but we'll have it as a spare.”

“Man, how much was that?”


Because we bought two, we got them for $40 million. We got discounts on the interiors of $1 million. And he's fueling and getting that air crew staffed.”

“What did you buy again?”


747 VIP.”

“Man! You got a steal!”

“He's got three more, I can make a call!”


He laughed, “I might have you do that!”


I'd like our paint job put under your wrap. They're flying to Phoenix within the hour.”

“Really?”


In Phoenix, they're taking on the interiors which will take about an hour. After that, they'll be going to Vegas where it'll take 24 hours to get the paint put on them.”

“Let me make a call. How do they do that?”


You get them art and they do it by computer. You want to make sure the windows aren't in the art because they'll be cut out.”

“Ok!”

“Where the numbers are on the rear, you can't have anything except white. You can up on the tail, but you can't down lower on the rear.”

“Ok.”

“Those have brand new engines... and yes, I think he either gets a discount on those engines, or he just threw in $10 million worth of jets because those engines brand new run $40 million.”

“MAN!”

“That's cheap! They're brand new!”


Really?”


There's four engines on each. That's 8 engines for $40 million. That's brand new price, so either he's getting a steep discount, or he's throwing in air frames for free.”

He laughed, “I'm glad you know this!”

“I've studied this for a few years. I knew as soon as they went back on the contract, I would want to buy my own. This is the best VIP deal I've heard of.”

“Yeah!”

“These are like the Presidential model. You can put a car up it's tail.”

“Really?”


Yeah, but you can put several cars in it if you take the interiors out.”

“Nice!”

“Well, I'll ring off.”

“I'll need that number for that company which does the paint?”


Here! I forgot!”

I gave him the name and number, “That's at the airport there.”


Ok.”

I rang off and said, “That saved us $2 million!”

He laughed, “You're nuts!”


I smiled and we went back in. Robert was on the phone. He slid over a small note pad with the figure of $1 billion.

I wrote, “Each?”, and slid it over. He slid it back, “You. I'm negotiating his.”

I looked shocked and wrote, “How much is their company worth?”, and slid it back. He smiled and wrote, $6 billion, and slid it back.


I nodded, and Rayne wrote on it, “Greatly devalued when we leave.” and slid it back. Robert outright laughed and nodded. He said, “Mort, give me a moment.”

He muted the phone and said, “Here's what I think... They're so busy trying to keep this from exploding in their faces, they don't see the backside of their company blowing off. You're to get that settlement by Tuesday here in my office.”

Rayne asked, “What are you at with mine?”


Robert said, “Here's the hold up. Like it or not, he's doing a package deal with your parents also. You're looking at half a billion, but they're looking at $200 million. I know you don't like that, but that's what it's probably going to be to keep charges off Jeff.”

Rayne nodded, “I can talk with them, but I don't want them around me.”

Robert said, “Let me sink the hook a little harder.”

He took it off and put it on speakerphone, “Mort, here's what he just said. He's saying for you to do $600 for him and $100 for his parents. You keep that private what he's receiving and you do what you can to negotiate it down with his parents. He THINKS that if you offer it as a one time gift from him to his parents, that they'll take it, but if they hear he's getting that much, they'll balk.”

Mort said, “Ok, if he thinks that can be done, you arrange it!”

Robert said, “I'll certainly do that.”.


He rang off and said, “Guys, here's my advice. Let's get this settlement done... Right now, there's no non-disclose which states you can't say what you got.”

I looked shocked, “Really?”


He nodded, “The only non-disclose I've put on it is before signatures which his parents don't hear what anyone received.”

He pointed at me, “I'm not suing them any further, but I am going after Columbia and I'm going after those news outlets which have went off into your supposed drug addiction.

As soon as the ink is on this, I'm going to state that they just settled and give it out that they settled for $1.6 billion.

That lets those news outlets know that they didn't get off cheap, and the lawsuit for the ruined reputation is going to be harmful to their financial well being real quick.”

“Ok.”


I'll tell you now that I've already put complaints in to the F.C.C.. That's letting the CEOs of those companies know that we're coming.”

“Ok.”

“I've also released it to the news outlets that the lawsuits are being prepared. I'm also using everything on there to let them know we've got them dead to the rights.”

He smiled, “Now, whatever federal charges Jeff gets is out of my hands...”

We laughed and he nodded, “What I'm advising is to let me finish this so that as soon as the ink is on the papers, we can make the announcement. That way, their stock slides and takes that hit and you're looking at the potential of possibly buying that company for a real low price.”

Rayne nodded, “Good! Let's do that!”


I nodded, “Ok. We'll work on it.”

My phone rang, “Hello?”


This is your jet. We're landing them at Phoenix International right now.”

“Man, that was fast!”

“It's going to take about 30 minutes to get the interior in. What do you want done with them once they're in?”


The one with 1st Class seats throughout, take it on to Las Vegas. The other with the VIP interior, bring it on to Los Angeles. We'll fly it on to Las Vegas. Then, you can get it painted.”


It's going to take 24 hours to be painted.”

“I'm aware. I think it'll be 48 hours because Disney's going to wrap them for us.”


Oh! Ok! We'll be at LAX in about an hour...The Private Terminal.”

“We'll be there.”


I rang off, “We need to get this zipped up. They're bringing the VIP here so we can fly to Las Vegas in it.”


Robert smiled, “I'll fly with you!”


I chuckled, “Ok! We'll hold a meeting in it so that we're writing off that flight!”


I asked, “Is he going to send a check? Or, how does that work?”


He smiled, “There are several thoughts on that. He'll probably offer you stock in Monte Vison in order to try to entice you to stay.”

“Uh, nah! If it's a billion point seven in about a month, I'd gamble!”


He laughed, “Let me call him!”

“Can I?”


He gave me a look, I said, “Robert, you talk legalese and he stays on guard. I talk tit-ese and he gets confused!”

He laughed and shook his head, “You're nuts, you know that!”

“I'm willing to gamble that I can intimidate him a little. The worst that will happen is he'll have to pay us $1.7. The best that could happen is we could wind up with Monte Vison sooner.”


He looked surprised and I nodded, “No one wants to look at bankruptcy... no matter who they are. You just be prepared to play hardball with all the rest of these sons of bitches.”

“Ok.”

He gave me the number and I dialed. Rayne said, “Good luck!”

“I've got you by my side! I've got the best tit-eze in town!”


They laughed and Mort answered, I said, “Mort?”


Yeah Mo!”

“How'd you know it was me?”


Your voice! No one has a voice like that!”


I suppose so. I keep lookin' and can't find one, but there's gotta be one out there.”


What did you need?”


Well Mort, we need to talk turkey.”

“Ok, why?”


Here's the deal. I know what's going to happen and you're not seeing it yet.

In two weeks, our contract is finished. Wall Street hasn't caught onto that yet, but some wise person will pay attention to what I've said and will let it out on Monday. It's Saturday, so we won't see the collapse of this stock until the Asians open tomorrow night.

What I'm going to tell you is because he and I were working here, it inflated the stock. I believe it was something like $106 and now it's at $250. Yeah, you guys made money off us, but I'm about to look into going into competition against you.

Then, there's word that Monte Vison settled with us. I think when they hear you spent nearly a third of what Monte Vison is worth right now, it's going to slam that stock.

You're looking at them seeing what it was at the time we were signed and they're going to go, “Ooh, that's a $2.5 billion dollar company and it's just gave away $1.7, so their earnings are going to suck the rest of this year and probably all of next.

Where they're going to see things is they're going to see that you kept the President and I'm out there laying the legal file I've got for 'show and tell' in interviews. They'll pay attention, but so will everyone who was thinking about going to work for Monte Vison. They'll see the horseflesh you kept in the President's office, and they'll see that I'm torpedoing Monte Vison and strafing the hell out of the President simply because I can and will tell the truth and show that I've got the legal work, the history, and have had the bastard down on my ass for two of the four years.”

“You weren't bitchin' when you were making money.”

“Mort, let me correct you. Had it not been for the Armani contract, I'd been broke. To be polite, Jeff gave a house I'm not even living in and I paid taxes on $25 million because as he put it, “I gave you one house, I'm not buying you another!”... Well, he didn't give me one house. My name got put on it, therefore I got stuck with it!

Now, like it or not, that's how that went. I made it the first year, but it sure as hell wasn't because I got anything from your company! Yeah, you made money, but look at my legal work and you'll see I couldn't get an accounting from the fucker, and my taxes to the IRS on income earned were estimated because I couldn't get the W2 or anything proving what I had coming.

When he tried that bullshit for the second year, I made a call. You see, I sang in the White House and the President's children are fans of mine. I had the First Lady's phone number, so I called and we had a talk. She spoke to her husband and he called and we had a talk. Then, he called the IRS, and I called Robert.
Do you know what happened? The IRS made a call to that prick and told him to get me paperwork which was correct, or they'd come in and shut your company down and get that accounting done and a good old fashioned audit while you went out of business due to the doors being shut.

Like it or not, that man suddenly shit me some paperwork and yeah, I can tell that story because Robert had to file paperwork and then have it dismissed because Jeff suddenly got it for me.

So yeah, I was bitching because I couldn't get the numbers and I sure as hell wasn't going to prison for the bastard.

And like it or not, I've scheduled myself for these last two weeks of my contract to be without concerts or anything so that we have a balance sheet which is up to date and I walk away without any surprises.

Do I think I'm going to get that after the smear campaign he's already launched? No. So, you say I wasn't bitching, and I'll go one better... I'll be too fuckin' busy to get it and the IRS will come in and slap locks while the man tries to do the song and dance on that... WHILE explaining the lawsuit settlement and having my attorney showing them the video of what he did.

Now, I understand you're upset. Hey, if I had someone whom I didn't know showing all the underhanded stuff he's dealt with, I'd probably judge him too!

Just the same, I know a few things... At the time we were hired, he was on his way out the door... After all, there was a $60 some thousand dollar embezzlement which I have the emails, the books to show, and know that the only reason he stay was he had our sales and he could fudge the books.

Now, do I know that? Well, when we got the books, that's what my accountant said, that's what a second accountant said, and that's what a third accountant said... all independent of each other.

Personally, you're standing behind a dude whom I'm going to start asking questions about to the right people. After all, how did he come up with that much cocaine to give Rayne's brother to come out and try framing me?”

“Who's to say?”


Goddam dude!” I paused and looked over at Robert, “Can I ask for damages exceeding the value of his company in court and just go ahead and slam the hell out of him in the press?

I mean, he's setting himself up for some RICO crime shit, but hey!”

Mort said, “WHAT!”


I said, “Mort, let me school you on a few things. The second the FBI got involved, Jeff got made into a suspect. The second they find the drugs and everything he's embezzling, it's going to look suspicious as hell. Thirdly, you keeping the man employed is going to have people scratching their heads as to what you're gaining and how you're involved... and if there are any recordings as to whether you knew something was illegal or not.

When they find it, you know whose house gets raided besides his??? And when that happens, it's not nice. Do you know they handcuff you and make you stand outside with your forehead against a wall until they're done with that search? And do you know that like it or not, if there's a drug involved, they can sniff you down with the drug dog and make you strip in front of your attorney and undergo blood tests and everything else to prove you don't have them in your system?

So yeah, suddenly your standing behind him and he's not giving a fuck about you because he's got his own problems... and let's see... where there's three, there's conspiracy... Ring a bell?

Believe me, you don't want that third person found. Why? Because all those charges just amped up with RICO which is organized crime stuff. All of a sudden, the charges become life in prison instead of 20 years in prison and your attorney is going 'cha-ching motherfucker because the first charge is $100 grand, two is $250 grand each, and three is a million dollars each... charge... Those are federal crimes, so that's a special attorney.

Now, you might ask your attorney all this... I'm sure he'll ask you, “Why are you asking?”, and you're going to tell him, “That kid's threatening me.” and then, I'm going to be told through my attorney, “Don't pick on Mort!”, and that's when I'm going to have my attorney tell yours that he's dumb and needs to take a good dose of 'wake the fuck up' because you're not telling everything!

When he learns what we know through our files, and what we're suing upon through our filings, he's going to go, “Holy SHIT MORT!” and then, you're either going to be advised to go with a Federal Defense Attorney, or you're going to be told, “Uh Mort, I hate to tell you this, but my fees have to go up. It's federal shit now and you've just paid my kids' college tuition off this one man!”

I paused, “Ok, I'm done. Don't offer me stock. I doubt if the fuckin' company will be open in a month. You trying to unload that stock will look suspicious as hell, but hey... if I were you, I'd distance myself too.”

I paused, “$1.7 billion. That's the settlement. I'll tell you now that it's gotta be before Monday because I think you'll be bankrupted by late Monday, or Tuesday. And if truth be known, that might be interesting. I'm going to have Robert attach liens onto the assets and we'll have first lien holder so that no one else can get anything.” I paused, “Tell me, is your house nice Mort?”


That's none of your business!”

“I was asking because I'm going to ask you that if you slit your fuckin' throat not to do it on the marble in the bathroom because blood stains marble and peroxide has to soak in a helluva long time to get it out.”


I saw Robert and Rayne laughing. Mort said, “What do you want from me?”


It's funny you ask. I was really hoping it didn't have to take this long, but hey... We finally get around to it!” I paused, “Mort, name the price you want on that studio and we'll see...”


I'm not going to take less than $2.5 for it!”


Ok, so you're saying that it's feasible that if we come up with $800 million, that you'll take that $1.7 and throw it with that and we'd be clear?”


He paused and I looked over, “Robert? Is that legal?”


Yes.”


I heard him exhale really long. I said, “Mort, don't you be doing anything! I'd hate to be a sick bastard and go over and have your house appraised while they're trying to breathe life into you!”


He chuckled, “Did you give him this much trouble?”


Did I! Jesus, do you realize that you have a brain and he's like trying to sail a sunk boat?”


He laughed and Rayne and Robert laughed. He said, “Get $800 and I'll consider it even.”

“Ok, but you've got to pay his parents. That's not in it. If I had to pay them a thing, it'd totally piss me off.”

“Why?”


Assholes, asshats, asswipes, and just plain old funky no good ass stench! Do you see anything in common with all those? If you say asses, I'll tell you that you're wrong... I'll tell you it's them as individuals. They call cheek to cheek dancing... I call it them two fighting over the hole!”


He laughed and I said, “The best thing I can say about them without using cuss words for adjectives is they aren't pleasant. My parents didn't take any prizes at the county fair because they were too busy fighting over how brilliant they were being that drunk, but his are just plain no good, rotten, used up pieces of toilet paper! It's got ass written all over it in the stuff flies call lunch.”


He laughed, “How's he feel about them?”


Rayne? He's dealt with his brother these last four years, but I don't think he's dealt with his parents. And in that, he's one up on me because I did and wish I hadn't...”

“Why?”


Call it id and ego, but I was psychotic for a while and decided I had to see the people who bred to have me. In doing that, I had to buy them a house and another vehicle. In doing that, as soon as they got those things, they went right back to arguing and I took their house and car and left.

The best thing I can say about it is I gave back. However, if I had to do it again, I'd bought them a liquor store, it would've been closer to the liquor store than their house!”


He laughed, “It's bad, but I understand!”

“Let's just say this... My Dad's the sort've person who'd think that he bought oceanfront property just because he's up to his neck in quicksand. And my Mom's the type of person that she'd bitch at him about not taking a cooler with him and filling it before he took that trip to hell!”


He laughed, and I said, “Needless to say Mort, I need to ring off and try to make some calls to get that $800 million.”

“Ok. Let me know!”

“Oh, I will!”


I rang off and Robert pointed, “You call Norm. I'll call Mike!”

I dialed and Rayne said, “Remember we've got money in the bank!”

I nodded, “Yeah, we've got $110 million or thereabouts.”


Robert nodded, “Keep that back for upgrades.”


Norm answered, “Hey! I'm seeing the news!”


Which news?”


Everything everyone's saying about you guys!”

“Good, or bad?”


It depends what channel you watch!”


“I understand! Now, I need to ask you a question...”

“What's that?”


Is there a possibility that we can get an advance on our pay?”


He laughed, “How much?”


I'll be honest with you. I called Mort Glassberg and we're getting $1.7 billion as a settlement offer.”

“MAN!”

“Well, he's afraid of bankruptcy, so we talked and you know how it is... Sometimes you have to draw a picture, explain it's art, and then see if the guy likes fat naked chicks before you get someone to get the picture!”


He laughed real loud, “You're too blunt!”

“Anyway, he wants $2.5 billion for the studio and we're short $800 million.”

“HUH?”


You heard right!”

“It's worth $12 billion!”

“No, it's worth $6.”

“Kid, we did an appraisal on what you two added to the value!”

“Well, he wants $2.5 because he thinks he's going bankrupt by Monday afternoon or Tuesday.”

“Why?”


'Because I convinced him to think that he was! He threw out that $2.5, so he doesn't think it's worth much either.”

He said, “I could probably come up with $700. It'd have to be your first year and a sign on for the long term contract.”

“Really!”

“Yeah, but let me check and see.”

“Ok. Call me back!”

“I will.”

I rang off and Robert held up his thumb. “I've got a billion here!”

I looked shocked, “Cool!”


Rayne laughed, “You are too funny!”


Dare me to ask Norm how much they want for the Bay?”


He laughed, “Do it!”


He's going to call back. It'd be funny if they paid us to buy it!”


Robert rang off and asked, “Why aren't you calling him?”


It's not on my account! When it's there, I'll call!”

He smiled, “Ok.”

“Norman said that he thinks he can get me $700. Wouldn't it be a kick if we were able to buy that hotel up there!”

He smiled real big, “Lowball them!”


I shrugged, “He's got to see if he can do the $700 million. If he can't, we're sort've stuck with what we can do.”

He nodded,and pointed, “You need to fulfill your six on the Disney contract.”

“I know!”

“It's going to be tempting to go to work on your own.”

I stared, “I understand! Believe me, I know!”


He smiled and Rayne chuckled. I said, “I know what you mean because I sort've screwed myself by not doing any movies. The bad thing is I now...”

His phone rang and within seconds, mine did. “Hello?”


Norm said with an exaggerated sigh, “Ok, that deal is approved.”


I chuckled, “Are you ready to shoot me yet?”


NO! Why would you say that!”

“Because I'm about to have you run back and ask another question!”

He laughed, “What now!”

“How much they want to sell the Bay for?”


He said, “You know, I know that answer!”

“Ok... How much?”


He let out an exhale. “Without the Bayside Beach, it's $600. With it, it's $725. With the convention center, it's $1 even.”


Rayne said, “Get it!”


I laughed, “You're on speakerphone! That's Rayne trying to maintain silence!”


He really laughed and I said, “Ok, it's going to be crazy fucked up, but I'll pay you the $300 million plus that $700 and well have that bought.”

He spoke slower, “Is that what you wanted to do?”


No. I could take the $700 you got me and throw the $100 I've got in savings and pay for the studio, and then, I could take the $1 billion that Disney got us and pay you, but that's just fucked up thinking!”


He laughed, “Ok, let me run back and tell him what you're wanting to do!”

“Yeah. That way, the paperwork for everything will be ready when we get there. By the way, I'm bringing my attorney, so we'll need him a suite also.”


He laughed, “Anything else?”


Since you asked, we need hangar space for two 747's.”


He really laughed and Rayne giggled. He asked, “Rayne, does he do this to you?”


Rayne said, “I'm happy he does. It means the world to me!”

I said, “And one day Norm, you'll feel the same!”


They laughed and Robert said, “Ok, it's on your account! Pay the man and tell him to have the paperwork ready!”


I said, “Ok. One thing at a time! I'm still trying to get free things!”

Rayne said, “If we're paying for them, they're not free!”

I stared and he said, “Norm, we need to get you paid. He's about to cry because he's not getting things free!”


Norm really laughed and said, “If you come, I'll let you pet the sharks!”


I said, “Uh, you dangle your balls and let them catch on and I'll slap it in the head just to make sure it's attached!”


They laughed and I said, “Uh, we need to audition an orchestra.”

Rayne said, “We'll use mine. We'll own it just as soon as we pay them!”


I said, “Norm, I hate to rush you, but I just realized I get to do something fun like fire a few people!”


He laughed, “Ok! Let me get that info and call you back!”

“We'll be in the car heading to the airport.”

“Ok!”

I rang off and dialed Mort, “Hello?”


It's me. I've got that money.”

“Really?”


Yeah. I'm going to pay you so that I can get to the airport. What we'll do is we'll do the paperwork first thing in the morning. That way, first thing Monday, I can let Jeff go.”


He laughed, “I'm taking it you want that privilege?”


Oh hell yeah!”

“Ok, I want to be there to let him know that he's to never ask for work in the film industry again.”

“No. Tell him nothing! If he thinks he's blackballed, he'll leave to go spend all that money he's embezzled! We need to audit it to see how much he's taken and get it so he's arrested!”


OH! Ok!”

“Firing someone isn't as fun if you don't get to throw them in jail too!”


He laughed, “I'll have to learn these things!”


Oh, believe me, I've lain awake at night and thought of all the things I'd love to do to that one!”


He laughed, “I'll have the paperwork ready.”


We'll pay you now. As long as the SEC is notified that we're buying it on Monday, we'll be fine. That way, it shouldn't slip too much, but then again, I don't care how much it freefalls, we're taking it private with this, right?”


Yes.”

“Wonderful! I love doing these things debt free!”

“Congratulations on your buy.”

“Did you break even?”


Yes.”

“Good. As long as you broke even, that's what matters. Now, what's that account number?”


He read it to me and I said, “Give me a moment and I'll have it sent. I'm trying to talk on the phone, work my iPad, and walk all at the same time.”

I read him the numbers back for confirmation and then, pressed send. It went through and I said, “Mort, it went through. You should receive confirmation here real shortly.”


I just got a text.”

“Wonderful!”

He chuckled, “You enjoy running that!”

“Oh, I will!”


I rang off and said, “Babe?”


Yeah?”


Make sure you've got your band and everything saved.”

“Orchestra.”

“Mine's a band. I need to make calls also.”

He laughed, “Ok!”

I dialed Bert, “Hello?”


Bert!”

“I'm not supposed to talk to you!”

“Hey, guess what?”


What?”


I'm that fucker's boss now! Rayne and I just bought the studio!”

“WHAT!”

“Yeah. It's paid for, but the paperwork gets done tomorrow. I need you guys to prepare to go to Vegas!”

“HUH?”


We're taking up residence at The Bay. We just bought it too!”

“WOW! Where are you getting the money?”


With the exception of $300 million, the Bay paid us to buy them. Disney advanced us a billion on our movies, so that will be repaid. After that, I think we'll be back at the studio making movies.”


Good! You're firing him?”


Yeah, and I'm firing her!”


Good! You want everyone there?”


His orchestra is going, and I want you going. We're going to have a jet here to pick you all up Monday. What I'll do is I'll hire a bus and we'll have everyone park out at the ranch so it's safe and secure.”

“Rayne's ranch?”


Yes. I own half of it. My part can get the cars on it.”

He laughed, “Ok.”

“It's Exit 30 on the Ronald Reagan.”


I'll let everyone know. We might have to arrange transportation for some of them, but we'll have that done.”

“No. If they need transportation, tell those to meet us at the studio. We'll get them to the airport.”

“Oh ok!”

“That's the end goal is the airport. That way, you all can get on the new jet we've got hired to take us everywhere.”

“Wonderful!”

“And Bert?”


Yeah?”


We're going out on the road with Rayne this upcoming week and weekend so that we're helping get his contract completed.”

“Ok.”


By then, we got to the car and I plugged my phone in. I dialed the jet. “Hello?”


On Monday afternoon, we're going to need that other jet brought to Los Angeles.”

“Can we make it Camarillo?”


How far is that out?”


It's out 51 miles, but it's only about 20 from both of your houses.”

“Ok. We'll do that!”

“You get a discount if you're a citizen of Ventura County.”

“Ok, we are.”

“And, if you have your own fuel truck, and all that, you can hangar out there for something real cheap.”

“Really?”


It's like $1800 a month. It probably costs that much a day in Vegas.”

“My God! We'll do it in Camarillo!”

“I can work on getting all those trucks and support vehicles if you wish?”


Sure! We'll talk about it. I want to see what's needed.”

“I do know we're going to need some racks for the interiors.”

“Ok. We'll get those.”

“We'll need that fuel truck.”


How much will we save doing that?”


It takes 54,000 (53,995) gallons.”

“Ok.”

“Each fuel truck will hold 10,000 gallons. When you figure you're buying it for about $2 less a gallon, you're saving enough in one fueling to have bought the entire fleet of trucks.”

“Really?”


You don't need new. There's a lot of newer trucks off lease which will be just as good.”


Ok. I appreciate learning all this. WE're about to get into the car to go there, so we'll be there in 20 minutes.”

“Sure!”

We got in and I said, “Rayne?”


Yeah?”


What did you learn?”


He was glad I called. They'd already been told to disband.”

“Did they make it in ok?”


Yeah. Just as soon as they learned that I'd gotten out, they sent a jet up. Go figure.”

We drove and he smiled at me, “I love you!”

“I love you too!”

“What's first?”


Well, I need to tell you that aside from this trip, we're going to have to start going to Camarillo airport.”

“Why?”


It's way cheaper to hangar there.”

“We've got the money.”

“No Babe, it's like $1800 a month to hangar out there, and $1800 a day to hangar at Las Vegas.”

“MAN!”

“If we get our own ground support vehicles, we'll save a lot of money.”

“How much?”


He said that if we get our own vehicles, the savings in one refueling will be enough that we'll have bought the entire fleet of vehicles.”

“MAN!”

“It's 54000 gallons to fuel each bird.”

“How far will it fly?”


About 8000 miles.”

“MAN!”

“Yeah, that's not real good if you think of it, but it is... I think we were leasing a Bombardier for $50,000 a month without the cost of fuel or anything.”

“I don't know what we were paying.”

“I made it a point of finding out. I knew I was going to have to have that coming out of my pocket when the contract was over.”

He smiled, “I'm glad you know!”


I'll always ask. I might not like what I hear, but I'll ask!” I paused, “Look at it this way. If we take one trip back and forth on the big jet, we need to refuel at least once a week. If we do it once a week, it'll be 2 months before she needs refueled.

We're going to have to keep things on hand for that big beast. I'm going to want to have some new tires and a lot of spare things. We can get those out at the airplane graveyard because they scrap real good planes.”

“Really?”


That's what we're buying Babe!”

He looked shocked, “Really?”


Our plane is 6 years old. Go figure why they'd already be scrapping it. We put brand new engines on, and we got the interiors we wanted this fast without paying $200 million like a new one of those VIPs would cost.”

“That's how much this would've cost?”


Yeah. A little one like Robert's probably cost $70 million.”

“Damn!”

“Needless to say, ours will fly just as far as Robert's. Yes, it will use more fuel, but can he lay down in his? Can he sit comfortably in his? And can he cook dinner and sit at a dining table? No. We can, and I think he'll be in love with ours to the point he'll have one!”

He laughed, “I know I like that interior!”

“Me too! And I like that 1
st Class interior for the other one.”

“What's that like?”


It's that style of seat all the way back. Because you get to lay it back like a recliner, there's only 28 rows, so only 280 passengers instead of the 540 they cram in normally.

What that does, is it makes everyone happier on long flights. They're seeing we put out for them whereas others don't.”

“Good!”

“When you combine all that with us having the ability to carry all their instruments...”

I paused, “We need to find a flat trailer and a jeep which will haul all that. We can put that in the cargo hold and then pull it out and fold up the tops and put all the instruments in.”

“Are we going to be hauling our stage gear?”


That's going over in a different jet... or, I suppose it could go in the cargo hold of ours. We'll still need to truck all of it to the stadiums.”


We need to get a tour put together where we make a lot of money.”

“Wanna do the Hollywood Bowl? I bet we could put one together real fast. They've got the lighting and everything we'd need.”

“Ok!”

I dialed Norm, “Hello?”

“It's me. We're about to the jet, but I need to see if you'll do me a huge favor.”

“What's that?”


Call and rent the Hollywood Bowl for 8 days.”

“When?”


Ask them when they've got it available in the next month for that long. They'll probably tell you they've got something in there for the weekends, or weekend nights, but not for that long of a single stretch.
If they don't, you take it from Sunday night until whenever, and then, let them have it for that weekend. Then, you load up the next week. If it's 9 or 10 days, you take that.”

“Ok.”

“Tickets are a flat $50. You find out how many it seats and ask them if they do that. If they do, tell them we're going to insist upon the front row being charity seating. All the rest pays flat fees and there's no guarantees.”

“Ok.”

“I'll run with it because it's July. We should make about $4 million a night, so that'd be $40 million. Take off half for them handling it and you'll see that we'll have $20 million.”

He laughed, “Ok.”

“Do that for there and we'll be there real soon. I'm going to want us doing it in Miami, and New York, and Houston, and Seattle, and San Francisco. We might try St. Louis, or Memphis during the Blues Fest.”

“Can I get you into someplace real fast for Pridefest?”


See if New York has an opening. I know it's going to be a pain in the ass because we don't know we're going to be there and they don't either... No, do it in Chicago at that place where the President had his inaugural.”

“Ok.”


I don't know about tickets. That's the problem. We can get security ordered overnight, but we can't tickets.”


I'll handle it.”

“You do at least one week in each stop. I'm going to be out doing radio and local television advertising the hell out of us playing Vegas.”

“Ok.”

“Here's the deal. I want all that money going into us a stadium. Don't think I won't pull everything I can to get us a stadium built which we can have a football team or us 50,000 seats.”

“Ok.”


You see if we can find a place to build it.”

“We've got land across the street.”

“It's going to take a lot of land.”

“We've got 60 acres.”

“Ok. That might work if we've got parking up under it... You just make sure you've got one helluva casino, food mall, and us our merchandising.”

“Ok.”

“I know it's going to be about another billion. It won't take long if we do $20 or $40 million here and there, but it's going to take a while.”


We'll work it.”

“I realize we've got our next two summers scheduled for movies. Hopefully, we'll be able to film during the day for Disney. If not, I'll have our studio doing our movies. We're not going to sit idle when we can put a movie or few in the can.”


He laughed, “Ok.”

I rang off and Rayne laughed, “You're talking to him like you would Jeff!”

“You might've talked to Jeff that way, but I had to do all this myself. I was told where he wanted me to play and then, I had to fill in. Lord knows he wasn't helping!”

He looked shocked and I nodded, “Piss the man off and you get treated like dirt. That dumb son of a bitch didn't realize that for each date I played someplace, I sold 4000 albums. That was considered my merchandising, so I booked the hell out of dates!”

“Really?”


Believe me, I played dates no one else would play just because they had a stadium. What's crazy is I'd fill that stadium because no one else had played there! When you're looking at college stadiums holding 40 or 60,000 and no one's looking at them, I sure as hell was!”

“MAN! I wonder what I would've did had I played them!”

“You'd ran your ass off on a stage is what you would've done! My stage was 160 feet wide and I worked it!”


DAMN!”

“Bert counted one night and said I ran a total of six miles during a concert back and forth. He said that he couldn't imagine how I'd done it while dancing, singing, and putting on a show, and doing six costume changes.”

“You went through that many?”


Here's why... You start off high strung... You've got to look good for all the photographs, because they take a lot of pictures at the front. You want to sing three hits back to back and then get in and get a change.

What I do is I get into something really light weight, but toned down. I do a polo shirt and dockers, but then I go out of that and do some shorts and a nice shirt and then, I get into different shorts and a sleeveless, and then, I get into full tux for slow numbers and then, I get out of that and get into what I wear for the finally which is eight songs back to back where we're dancing and putting on an extravaganza.

When I go back, we get me changed into tux and tails and then, I don the top hat and go up top and we do the curtain call which is four songs and then, I'm done.”

“Man!”

“The reason I was wearing what I was wearing last night is because they said that the white tux had the mic pac pocket ripped and the zipper was bad in the black. I finally said, “Fuck it, get my ass into something!”, so they got me in those white pants and that white shirt with a vest. I took the white jacket out on my arm and left it.”


Do you do meet & greets?”


I do them before the concert. It doesn't make sense, but I'll tell you why I do it. I'm a hugger and I want to hug people when I'm not all sweaty. There's nothing in the world which turns me off than to have someone really sweaty coming out to hug on me and get a picture.”

“Really?”


The Rolling Stones did that and it nearly made me gag... You know, I did two songs on their stage with them, don't you?”


NO! That'd been so cool!”

“You know, the one who surprised me the most was Axel Rose.”

“Really?”


I thought he'd be a real prick. He was performing over at the Hard Rock and I went to see him. Then, we went up and partied in his star suite and he laughed because I wouldn't drink. He didn't, and he really surprised me at how nice he was.”

“Cool!”

“I've seen and partied with a lot of them. All throughout, I've not and believe me, I've had some who really tried to pressure me. Finally, I said, “
No, it's not my preference. I get my highs out on stage and don't need to come down because I gave it my all and wore myself out.

What we've not done is we've not provided drugs. A lot do, but I won't. We provide a bar, but that's catered and they know that I'm to have a closed bottle of Diet Coke and ice... that's it. I know no one's put anything in it when I unseal it and pour it myself.”


That's cool.”

“My rider list has grown, so don't think you're not going to see me requesting a lot of stuff for our dressing room.”

“Like what?”


My makeup gal gets a new makeup kit. They don't like it, but hey... I'm not using makeup which has been collectively worked for a bunch of people.”

“Oh, I hadn't thought about that!”

“When she's putting makeup or lipstick on you, you think about where that wand has been. If that don't gag you, you've never thought about it!”

He stared and I smiled a fake smile. He looked shocked, and I said, “One night, I counted that she'd done the makeup for all my dancers and then me. I pointed and asked, “I hope you're not using that on me!” and she said, “Sure, why not?” and I said, “Eye infection, aids infection, I don't know who has what! If you're double, trip, quadruple dipping and it's a collective orgy of infections, and I'm the last, fuck that!

Needless to say, I had it put on my rider that I get my own makeup and then, the dancers get my old makeup.

What I did after that is I started giving each their own and explained that if they'd have their kit open so she could work from it, they'd not get things from everyone else. Then, I explained I don't use a lot of colors everyone else does, so I'll give them all my stuff I don't use and would ask for new at each stop. They thought that was great, so I did.

What else I ask for is a new bar of soap and bottle of shampoo and conditioner at each stop. That way, I know I'm not looking down and seeing someone's body hair on a bar of soap... And yes, it happened. And no, I don't know who the fuck it was because it was a stadium.”

“Ooh!”

“And yeah, it was cold water which pissed me off and now, is on my rider.”

He laughed, “Ok!”

“Here's the deal. I'm not picky about my food. I tell them to get me a Wendy's chicken and a ¾ pounder and if they don't have a Wendy's, to get me a Sweet Onion Chicken Terriyaki at Subway on Honey Oat with all the veggies on the side and it triple cooked with shredded cheese on it.”


That sounds good!”

“If you don't ask for the veggies on the side, it's a soggy mess when you get to eat... And yes, you've got to ask for all the veggies on the side for Wendy's.”

“I ask for Arby's Roast Beef because they've got baked potatoes.”

“I'll have to try their baked potatoes. I stopped asking for baked potatoes from Wendy's because they've gotten really small.”

“I get a five pack of Arby's Roast beef and cheddar with one each of the sauces on them.”

“That sounds good, but I couldn't do that every night.”


He smiled, “I only go out on the weekends!”

I turned and stared and he laughed. “It's true!”

I shook my head, “I worked six nights a week! And look how much I've got saved and how much you had saved! That's ridiculous!”


He laughed, “I think you'll find he was stealing your money.”

“I'm doing a full audit on everything. If my money wasn't making it in, I want to know where it was going.”


Who was in charge of getting it to him?”


I think Gray was. I'm not sure there.”

“Oh!”

“I know I have a rider of the entire front row being sick kids, or people. I make it so that they've got seats for their families and we give the entire bunch a show with all the merchandise and everything.”

“That's cool.”

“Other than that, I make damned sure the floors are swept. I went into one field house where there was mud everywhere and I don't think that if it had been swept, it would've been clean. Had it been me, it would've had a power washer taken to it, but that's one where I asked for towels and started throwing them on the floor. I figured, 'Damn, I'm not walking on these in bare feet or socked feet!”, so I did that. After that, it got put on the rider....and yes, I did send photos of the condition so that it was noted where a problem or difficulty had been tolerated... But all in all, we had a good bunch of gigs.”


Do you regret coming off the road?”


Here's what I regret. I regret that I didn't make it to Europe more. I should've, but once you leave the states, it's complicated.”

“Did you do Australia?”


Oh yeah! I did that right before we went into the Philippines, then Japan, Korea, then South Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, China and Thailand, and then Singapore and Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, India for eight stops, Russia for three weeks solid... and could've done another 3 months... and then, Mongolia, and then two weeks of the stan countries, Iraq, Iran, Turkey, Greece, and on into Europe, then down into Israel, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, and then down to South Africa, over to Brazil, Argentina, Chili, Columbia, Paraguay,and on up to Mexico City, another round of the states, and then went into California and finished up at Sacramento last night.”

He laughed, “MAN!”

“That's in 16 months, so there'd best be some money in an account for me!”


He laughed, “How many of those did you schedule?”


I stared, “What wasn't in the states, I scheduled. I told Gray and we'd have a scheduling conference, and we'd work a month out.

In all of those, I'd go in and do the press, local television, local radio, and answer the questions over and over and over to the point it was aching my soul that it was so monotonous.

Let me tell you, those Oscars I was given were a helluva lot easier to act for than the acting I had to do to try to make it like those questions were the first time I’ve heard them!”

He really laughed, “I know!”

“The only person who caught on that I could've given a shit less was Howard Stern...And thank God it was at his house instead of on that show!”

“You went to his house?”


Yeah, I hung out with a bunch of them! And the night we open in Vegas, we're going to have to have all of them there!”


He smiled and I held up my phone. All their numbers and information are in here. That's why I can call press and get them!”

He smiled, “I'm glad you do! They never scheduled me!”

“I scheduled myself! Now imagine trying to sound like my own publicist with this voice!”


He really laughed, “That's hilarious!”


I smiled, “Let me tell you something, there's only one man whom I ever thought about being with sexually besides you and that's because that fucker is just so sexy.”

“Who's that?”


Mark Consuelos... Kelly Ripa's husband.”

“Oh man, he's hot, isn't he!”

“Hon, here's the deal... three great kids... Kelly there being as sweet as she can be and he walks in with sleeping pants on and no shirt... I'm sorry, but I went on point and Kelly laughed her ass off!”


He really laughed, “What'd she say!”

I asked for iced pickle juice to disguise my pucker. She really laughed and said, “Hon, I get that every day. I know what you mean!”. That's when I told her, “If it gets to be too much of a chore, I'll cover you!”. Then, she really laughed.

What's great is he's super about it. He and I worked out and he was like, “You know, I could get you laid.” and I was like, “Uh no, just give me some photos of you nude, and I can get that job done!”.”


He really laughed and said, “I can see you saying that!”

“He thought it was funny. What's hilarious is he had a bunch of hot soccer players on their show the day I was there. During commercial, he was like, “Wanna go out and scrimmage with them?” and I said, “Dribble on their balls???” and he lost it.”


He really laughed and I said, “Face it, if it wasn't you, it'd be a soccer player from Spain. I think they're all hot!”


He smiled at me, “At least you tell me things like that!”

“Hey, it's fucked up funny, but let me tell you something... I've had stars do duets with me who had the hots for me. I knew it because of the way they looked at me and I'll tell you that none of them got a second glance.

What's different about it is that Gray got told and he had me out of there as soon as the concert was over... Let me say one other thing... Over in Japan, there was a guy who was an emcee that was hunching on me like a terrier in heat. It was hilarious because they did that countdown and when it went to one, he got shoved off me and landing on the floor and my cue happened. I worked that stage and the crowd went nuts. Then, I was supposed to stand there until the segment ended. I left the stage and they had me out of there and into the limo in about three winks. That guy's probably thinking all of us are rude!”

He smiled, “Mine is women who are in the audience. They throw underwear, keys to their hotel rooms, and everything!”

I laughed, “We need to have a huge metal sculpture in the lobby of our stadium. Then, you can say that's from all the keys which got melted down!”

He laughed, “That'd be cool!”

“I don't know what you'd say about lingerie, but you might say that they're stuffed in the walls of the movie studio where we used it for sound proofing. Then, you can show a super huge soundstage and have everyone laughing.”

He laughed, “That'd be good for a gag!”

We got to the airport and I pointed, “We can park here.”

“They don't mind?”


They've not said a thing about my car being parked here. I park it and leave it if we're going to do a short two or three day gig. If it's long term, I take a limo and have them pick me up.”

“We need to get limos.”

“Ok. I think we need to have a talk with that pilot and tell him that we're going to be dropped off here in the morning and picked up at night. He can hangar it out there, but I'm not wanting to go out there to get a jet.”

“Are we staying up there?”


I thought about it. It's up to you.”

He gave me a look, “What does that mean?”


It means I'm so used to being everywhere but home, that it doesn't matter to me! What I'm not comfortable doing is being in that house out there!”


He gave me a look, “Why?”


I looked away, and said, “Rayne, don't count on me being there. If it takes a house to live with you, I doubt if I'll ever live with you there. The happiness for it left when I went through all the bullshit associated with that whole scene.”

He gave me a look and I popped the trunk and got my bag and he said, “I think that's conditional!”

I nodded, “Perhaps if I'd been good enough to keep there, I'd been good enough to stay there. Once I wasn't, and once I had to suck hind tit and eat peanut butter to pay the fuckin' taxes on it, it lost it's luster.

Just the same, I've got a home where I'm happy. You didn't find yourself leaving out and had some bitch thought about disrespecting you in it, she'd been shown the fuckin' door before I did anything else to make you feel uncomfortable.
Now, if you're upset, so be it. I'm telling my feelings and I'm laying it out that I'll go there should there be an occasion to go, but it won't be to live... To me, its the ranch. To me, it's that...”


I pulled my bag in, and didn't look behind me. Robert asked, “Where's Rayne?”.


I guess he's deciding if he's going to be a participant in this relationship. He apparently didn't think that I'd hold that house against all the shit which happened over it.”

Rayne walked in and Robert asked him, “You ok?”


I guess I HAVE TO BE!”


I said, “Rayne, you don't have to be a damned thing. If you want to live in two separate locations, so be it. I'll date and we'll see if a relationship can be met on common ground. If not, I'll date other people, and we'll do a show together.”

He stared and I smiled, “Oscar is named an award for those who use it and don't get used. If you look at it as it meaning ONLY SUCK COCKS AND RUN, you don't get fucked. If you choose to get fucked, make sure it's on your terms.”

“Maybe I won't get fucked.”

I shrugged, “I'm going to the plane. You decide. If I have to beg, borrow, or get a loan for the other part, I'll do so.

When I do, you have a great life... Don't sing about being heartbroken because I'll tell you that when you want to say I'm conditional again, it's a condition of you having a broken jaw afterward.

I'm firing that bitch first thing after Jeff's fired. Think not, watch me. Think so, you stay out of Monte Vison and keep company with her...”

I turned and went to the jet, climbed up the stairs, and went back to the bedroom. My bag got stowed and then, I went out and met the Captain.

He said, “I'll get us off the ground and then, we'll discuss everything.”


I nodded, “Sure. Give it a few minutes and see if everyone else is coming. If not, so be it. I'll need to be on the phone because I'm going to have to make some calls and get some investment money damned quick.”


Ok.”

“If he shows, we can talk. It means I'm not having to put up with bullshit of a partner walking.”


He looked surprised and Robert came on followed by Rayne. Both walked by with their eyes blazing. Robert pointed and said, “You sit down and you look at this file I've got on everything he went through! If you went through half the shit he's gone through, you'd be crawling on the ground right now! Instead, he's pulled himself across the finish line by his OWN bootstraps and showed more gumption than I gave him credit.

Old tymers in this business knew what he's gone through and all applaud him because they say he's got what it took for them when they lost support from a studio. All of them say today's stars have no idea because they had to paste on a smile and go before the crowds and the cameras and show not a thing was wrong when it was!

Words like hutzpah, gumption, and guts are what it took. It's taken him to have all that and a backbone made of steel because that's how many times I've caught that motherfucker stabbing him in it!

Did it phase him? NO! Why? Because he counted on me and I covered his back while he picked up the pieces and made a living.

YOU think about where you'd be if you were told that contractually, you weren't owed a fuckin' thing. Think about that because you'd been curled up into a little ball whereas he made a call to me and asked, “Aren't I able to get whatever I want free for the four years?”, and I said, “Yeah.”, so he put together a tour and made them man it! Now I'm hearing they've charged it to him, so we'll see who gets paid what when you two sign!

If that doesn't piss you off, maybe you had it too easy. One of you got treated like the golden boy while one of you got treated as the bastard because he dared call the man's mistress a bitch!”


Rayne looked at Robert and Robert pointed, “Look at the fuckin' pictures and proof! I put detectives on that because the cocksucker tried billing him for the hotel room one of the nights he was in New Jersey trapped in a snow storm?

Did he fuckin' let a snow out let him stop? No. He walked to a television station, did press, and told everyone he'd be back as soon as his schedule allowed... Do you know what Jeff said about that??? He told the promoter he was fucked... that the contract said rain or shine, and snow certainly was implied!”

I said, “Rayne, like it or not, I'm not going to have you look at a thing. Either you're happy and we're together, or we're not.

Let me know and I'll work the phones. While you were kept with blinders on, I was out there shaking hands with enough people I think I can make three phone calls and get backed for a billion.

Face it, one of us worked it and knew when the contract was over, that he had to work it again. You see the Disney contract was negotiated. You see the Bay contract was negotiated. And you see the Columbia contract was negotiated... ALL with me doing that negotiation and all of that with me calling up favors.

I think he thought he had one of us in the bag to renew. I think you told him to get fucked on your terms. As to why? That's your reason.

I know Robert's made it so that Jeff wasn't going to get one over on me... After all, I was told from the day after I left out there that I wasn't getting bought another house. When I told him to get that one out of my name, he said, “You figure out how you'll do it! It's not sold for 7 fuckin' years it's been up for sale, so you'll suffer another 70 because no one will buy it!”


HE gave me a look, “Pay taxes that I paid and buy me out if it's a problem for you! Do that while trying to pick up and recover that your belongings all went to a storage shed out there and that I've got to ask you for everything back, and you now see that wasn't going to happen.”

The Captain said, “Please be seated, and fasten in.”


I sat down and Robert did also. I said, “As soon as we're to cruising range, I've got to make calls to get covered for the money I've committed myself. I'm not going to beg anyone to be a partner in this life...”


Rayne gave me a look, “Do I get any say-so in this relationship?”


Yeah. Don't ask me to live there and we'll be fine! If you start off expecting that I'll jump through that hoop, you'll find yourself alone!”

I turned, “Rayne, I'll act across from you, and I'll sing across from you and make the world think we're massively in love. The second you buy into that, don't. It's nothing but an illusion.

IF you want to be in a relationship, you'd best know that I'm me and I'm a willing partner in it. That doesn't mean I'll tote the line if you yank it, it means I'll pull beside you.

The second I find myself pulling it alone, I'm going to look over and tell you to man up and get to tugging. If you tell me to get fucked, I'll drop the fuckin' thing and will go get my own rope! Lord knows I had to go fetch everything to make the one I've been pulling, make it, and do it to my own liking.

Now, do I relish firing the bastard? Oh yeah. Do you get an opportunity to keep him? Fuck no. If there's any doubt in that, I'll get my own financing and I'll buy the fuckin thing alone. Deny me that and I'll see if there's a parachute in here for you.”


He gave me a look and I pulled my phone and looked for a signal. He said, “Ok, I don't like it that you won't, but hey, we didn't live there before.”

“We would've. The feeling became no good when I walked out that door by myself. And yes, it was by myself. And yes, I had no studio support except for what they wanted.”

Robert said, “I'm getting you the profits from that film.”

“No. Call an audit. I know what he had and I know what I had in savings. I'm not talking bad about Rayne, but he worked weekends and I worked 24/7 and he's got just a little less than me.

If I paid for that fuckin' world tour, I want all the moneys. Get that for me or find out where it went. Perhaps if everyone gets shown the books, they'll understand that I'll gladly do it in the future.”

He nodded, “Let me get a firm on that.”

Rayne asked, “Who has those? They're not on the master server.”

I shrugged, “Who knows? I bet when we find it, we're going to see some shady things have been done with the money.”

He nodded, “You know, my manager told me once that he swore that I had bought that limo and that the driver was contracted. Then they take it???”

I nodded, “I was told mine was also. That was at the beginning. Ask me if I got it for the first two years, and Robert will tell you that it had to be won through legal intimidation.”

Robert said, “It's sad to say, but we're going to have to look and see if a lot of their stars were told the same thing. If they were, you might be held liable.”


I nodded, “All that matters to me now is that I get a limo which is a Rolls Royce. Get him one too, and we'll have those.”

Rayne gave me a look and I shrugged, “Hey, I'm not meaning to piss you off! Like it or not, you might be going to a different studio or a different location than me!

Now, if you want to go to my house and it be considered ours, we can get a helicopter... After all, you see I already knew that chopper wasn't mine!”

He shook his head, and looked at me, “I'm sorry. It's not that I'm upset with you. It's the whole situation.

I know that when we discussed everything and talked about what it would be like when we became famous, none of this stuff was in those talks. Now, we're looking at it and I'm not happy with how we were treated.”
I gave a nod, “Had we been his golden boys together, I'd probably be in the dark as much as you. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I got the shaft and had to make fruit juice out of all the things I got.”

He smiled, “It's lemon ade out of the lemons!”

I smiled a fake smiled, “For you, the fruit would've been ripe and perfect. For me, it was the pits of the cherries, and every over ripe, rejected fruit he could've gotten for a few cents! Lord knows he wasn't going to pay good money for what I got!”


He laughed, “I didn't see me as the golden boy!”

I nodded and Robert said, “I wonder why you got so much? The only reason I can think is his mistress was working for you and he knew I knew what she was.”

Rayne asked, “How'd he know?”


Robert said, “I let him know! I told him, “Listen, like it or not, if he'd never called your mistress a bitch, he'd had what you'd promised!”. He yelled, “WHAT! How dare you! Who the fuck are you talking about?”. That's when I said, “IF Erica isn't your mistress, you need to stop fuckin' her! If you don't think I've got those photos, the receipts you attempted to charge my client, the motel rooms, the intimate dinners, and all the photos of you making out in public, you don't know how far I'll go to get the goods on you!”.

He wanted to attempt to say that was stalking, and I said, “Ok, we'll see when you file the lawsuit. Until then, I'll save everything and will smile when you wonder who is that person doing the investigative work for me.”. What's hilarious is he's accosted one of my investigators twice and it's been written up in the gossip rags both times. And yes, I've sued him because of it.”


I nodded, “As soon as I say he's fired, go to the press with all that. Lord knows I'll be heading to her office to fire her right after him!”


Rayne didn't look happy. I shrugged, “You have your opinions, I have mine. Deny me my retribution, and I'll...”

I got up and snatched my phone. Rayne yelled, “HEY! I didn't say a thing!”

I charged back, “No you didn't! You didn't say one fuckin thing that night, and you've not upheld me once!

I told you the second I see myself holding the rope and you not towing the line, Buddy, I'd make it so that I grabbed my own and went with it! Drop that line, and I'll make it the worst headache ever!

Think I won't sell out on you? You don't know how the fuck I am! I ought to mortgage the other half of that house, but it's supposed to be an investment... All I see is it's been a fuckin' from day one!

Us getting into this, it's dragging a lot of bad baggage in. I'm stuck wondering when you're going to be there for me and I'm stuck figuring out that I don't think it's ever going to happen! Yes, you've got your opinions, but actions are what I want!”

“She worked hard for me!”

I rolled my eyes, and turned to Robert, “What do you advise?”


Robert shrugged, “There are three ways to handle it... Buy and get along, buy and don't get along, buy and go your own ways... He gets to keep her, and you don't.

I'll tell you now that you're sure as hell not getting along! So you've got a fourth option and that's not to invest in anything at all!”


I gave a nod, “OR, he buys it and finds that financing. OR, I buy it and get the financing. OR, I buy it and he buys his own where he gets them and I get people who will work for me instead of the way it's been.”

I turned, “You might not like it, but I'm going to say some hurtful shit right now. For the last four years, I've learned I could make it without you. I could make it on my own. I could do it and do so not trusting a person whom I worked with.

Did I jump on the shit of the person who hadn't repaired the torn mic pack pocket? No! Did I jump them when the zipper wasn't working? No. Why? Because I thought, “Bastard, you're unemployed without me firing you. Had I had to work with you another day, you'd be so fuckin' far into the history books with me, you'd never gotten to touch another article of apparel from a major designer!