***********************
This story contains sexual situations between males. If
material of this nature offends you then you should not read this story. If you
are under 18 years of age or you are not legal to read this story, please leave
now.
Please remember that this story is a story of love, not of sex. There will
NOT be sex in every chapter. That's just life. Get used to it
:P
This story is purely a work of fiction and I do not know
any of the celebrities mentioned. I do not know of their sexualities or any of
that, it is merely for my story.
The author claims all copyrights in this story and no
duplication or publication of this story is allowed (except by the websites to
which it has been posted) without the consent of the author.
Enjoy!
P.S. thank you for all the nice emails. I hope you guys
are still reading and enjoying!!!
P.P.S. I'm SOOOO sorry for the late
posting! I've been working my ass off with uni and I've
finally finished my 2nd year. This summer I hope to post a few
chapters, at least 1 more. I have a lot of ideas for the next one. I'm moving
at the end of this month, so please...if things are moving slowly don't hate me...
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Chapter Five
Hey, handsome.
Hi love. I don't have much time, what's up?
Oh! If you're busy, just text me or call me later. It's
nothing important.
You wouldn't be texted
me if it wasn't important. What's up?
Do you still love me...?
It had been only a few weeks since our
wedding and our wonderful honeymoon in Italy, France, Greece, and Spain. I was
feeling particularly lost and lonely. The day after our return, Alex had had to
fly off to go to his next movie shoot. It was times like that that made me glad
that Alex wasn't a popstar and wasn't on tour for 300
days out of the year.
Ash, where is this coming from?
I don't know, I miss you and I'm sad and I'm inside my head.
Well, get outta there.
You know that I love you more than anything. Don't ever doubt that sweetie. I
have to go, I'm getting yelled at. I will call you before bed. I promise, I love you more than life itself. If I could be there
right now, I would be, you know that.
I'll be waiting. I love
you. I'm sorry.
Don't do that, don't sit
around waiting. Call Beth, go over there, hang out
with her for a bit. Go rub that belly all up and love it. And while you're
there eat some ice cream or cookies or something. I love you.
Okay. Bye, I love you.
I
clicked the screen off on my phone and shoved it back into my pocket. I stood
and shook my black jeans out a bit, letting them move back into place. Today
was an all-black day, black jeans, black t-shirt with a black plaid over top. I
sighed and grabbed my keys, deciding it best to make my way out to my car and
text Beth on the way. I made my way out to the garage and looked at all of the
beautiful cars filling the spots. I dragged my hand slowly over each one before
I got to the pretty black Ferrari then stopped, turned and went to the bland Ford
Edge, hoping it would get less attention and maybe the Paps
would stay away from me.
As
soon as I got into the car, I knew I had made the right choice, it was
comfortably and clean and it felt right. I didn't want anything showy, not
today. As I backed out of the garage, I connected a call to Beth with my
Bluetooth.
"Hey,"
she answered.
"Hi,
are you free?"
"Uhhhhh...I can be, what's up?"
"I
need some best friend time, but if you're busy, then it's fine, I'll go for a
drive or something."
"Ash,
seriously, what's wrong?" she was out of breath and sounded tired.
"I'm
just in my head and we all know that's a bad place to be. What are you doing?
Why are you so out of breath?" I was on my way to her and Channing's place and
driving carefully, following the posted speed limits.
"Uh...you
don't want me to answer that, so instead I'll tell you a story," she laughed
and I couldn't help but to laugh with her.
"Ew. What cravings are you having
right now? I can make a stop on the way over, please put some clothes on
though" I was still laughing, knowing that Beth was probably completely
disheveled and Channing would be no better.
"OOOO!!!!! I like you. Uh...bring me
some peanut butter chocolate ice cream, that would be fucking fantastic" I
heard a moan at the end of her sentence.
"GROSS!
COME ON! I'm trying to be nice here. Alright, I'm going to stop and grab some,
does Chan want anything?" I could hear them discussing it quietly in the
background.
"Nope!"
"Good,
I'll be there in a half hour ish. Maybe."
"K
love you, bye" Beth hung up quickly and I laughed at
her.
I
kept driving closer to her place, knowing of a small grocery store just down
the block. On a good day, it took 25 minutes to get to Beth's and today it
looked to be taking a lot longer. I took my time in the market, getting stopped
by some girls who wanted to take pictures with Alex Pettyfer's
husband. I obviously obliged and gave them the photos and autographs that they
wanted and then went, grabbed the ice cream and some chips and dip and then
grabbed a chocolate bar for Chan, just to get on his good graces. I finally
grabbed grape soda, knowing that Beth would be craving it soon enough. Sighing to myself, I headed to the checkouts
and stood in line, waiting for my turn. The couple in front of me were all smooshy with each other, fawning over the other. He
couldn't keep his hand off of her ass and she basically had her hand down his
pants. It made me want to vomit just looking at them, I decided instead to turn
my face to the magazines in front of me. Immediately
regretting my decisions as I was faced with images of myself and Alex, on our
honeymoon and during our wedding ceremony. It shocked me, I knew that
there had been photographers but I didn't realize that they would put them all
over there like these were.
When
it was my turn, I put the things on the belt and then waited as she wrung them
through, hoping that she wouldn't look up at me and say anything.
"Fifteen
seventy-five please," she said in broken English.
"Alright,"
I handed the lady a twenty dollar bill and waited for her to give me my money
back and my small load of groceries so that I could leave the building, I
needed to get out of there and get to Beth's, I needed the safety of my best
friend.
Once
I was handed my bag, I headed out to my car. Why was I feeling like this? Why
all of a sudden did my brain decide that I needed to feel like complete shit
about myself? Why was it so easy for my mind to just slip and all of a sudden,
my world came tumbling down around me? Of course, Alex wasn't even in the
country while this was happening. My car couldn't seem further away as I made
my way out to, hoping that I would get there as quickly as possible. I needed
to be at Beth's and be around her and be rubbing that big ole baby belly of hers.
I needed my best friend and I also needed her baby daddy. I needed them to help
fill the void created by my mind until my husband could come home to do that
for me. I unlocked the car from a few feet away and then slid in and flicked my
wrist, turning the ignition. The streets were busier all of a sudden, and it
took me a lot longer than it should have to get out of the parking lot and back
onto the street.
"Hello?"
I answered, my phone ringing.
"Hey
babe, are you on your way?" Beth answered me.
"Yeah, why?"
"I'm
craving grape soda..."
I
laughed to myself and just shook my head, "I figured you would, I bought some."
"Oh!
Good!"
"Yeah,
I'll be there soon, traffic is a bitch though."
"Okay,
drive safe," she told me quietly, warning me to stay out of my head while I was
driving, without actually saying it.
"Mmh," I answered her and hung up my phone. I took the
second last turn to get to Beth's and continued almost all the way down the
beautiful tree lined street. I loved this street, it
was the most beautiful street that I had seen in a long time. The trees were
old and tall and always so beautifully green. The community obviously had great
pride in themselves as they took care in the upkeep of
the street. The lawns were all a fresh green, manicured nicely, the blades of
the grass short, but not too short. It was all so pretty, and that was the only
way to describe it. Pretty. One last turn kept me from my best friend and as I
took it, I turned up the radio a little bit. "Little Things" by One Direction
was playing and I couldn't help but smile at the memory of our wonderful
wedding. I pulled up in front of the gate at Beth and Chan's door,
I reached over and typed in the code that I knew off by heart. Driving up to
the front of the house, I noticed some new things in their yard, some new
shrubs and a new fountain. Hm, I wonder why those are
there?
"BABY BOY!" Beth called out to me as she opened the front
door. I just shook my head and laughed, parking the car and getting out, I
grabbed the groceries and came up to the front door.
"Hi,"
I breathed and wrapped my arms around Beth, I couldn't help it. I dropped the
groceries on the floor and just clung to her, my body wracked with sobs. Her
arms wrapped around me and held me almost as tight as I held her. Everything
hurt. My heart hurt, my head hurt, my brain hurt, my entire body had this ache.
"Baby,
sh," she tried to calm me, but I couldn't. I couldn't
stop crying, I hurt too much. "What's wrong...? Why do you feel like this?"
"I...I
d-d-don't know," I shook and cried out. Channing had come around and wrapped
his arms around both of us, most of his embrace wrapped around me.
"Hey,"
he turned my face to him and wiped my tears away. "He loves you, Ash. That's
all you need to know. He loves you more than anyone or anything. He is your
husband, there is no point during his day that he doesn't think about or wish
you were with him. I've been where he is, I've felt that longing to be with the
one you love. It's hard and he's wishing you were there; he wants you to be
there or to be here. He loves you, Asher. Trust me. I talked to him yesterday
and all he wanted to know about was how you were doing, what you were doing, if
you missed him. There is no need for you to feel like this right now, he isn't
those demons in your head."
I
sighed and nodded my head, hugging Chan tightly. "Thank you," I whispered to
him as I felt Beth rubbing my back.
"Now! Where's my ice cream and soda?" Beth asked and I
laughed at her.
"In
the bag, be careful with the soda, it might be shaken up."
"Yeah,
yeah," she took the bag and waddled to the kitchen and I looked at Chan who
just shook his head and shrugged.
"I
don't know, man. She's been in weird moods lately. I kindda
like it," he whispered in my ear. His arm never left from around my shoulders
as we walked into the kitchen.
We
turned the corner and I heard, "What are you trying to steal my husband now?"
from the other side of the island.
I
looked up to see my very handsome husband sitting there,
I took a deep breath and all but ran to him, wrapping my arms around him
tightly.
"It's
okay, I'm here. We're here, everything it's okay, we're good, shh," he whispered into my ear and rubbed my back. I was
crying quietly into his neck and holding onto him tightly. "I love you, calm
down baby."
"I
love you too," I continued to hold onto him, struggling to stabilize my
breathing and my stance.
Alex
looked up at Chan and nodded towards the sitting room. He gently led the way
through the kitchen to the room and sat me down on the couch. He sat down
beside me and I was instantly straddling his lap, wanting to be as close to him
as I could get.
"Asher,
baby, look at me," he was starting to sound frustrated, I looked up at him and
he didn't look happy. "You need to calm down, you're
going to have an attack."
He
was right, I knew it. I took deep breaths while he wiped my face of my tears
gently. I looked down at my lap.
"I'm
sorry," I whispered.
"Don't
be, handsome, it's okay. It happens. Now, tell me
what's going on, why are you feeling so down?" He ran his fingers through my
hair, which really needed a haircut, I might add.
"I
hadn't seen you in too long. I needed you here, I couldn't function anymore. I
need you, baby, I always need you. I just...started doubting myself and I
shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I just...I'm sorry," I didn't want to be upset
anymore, so I just shook my head and finished wiping my face.
"God,
baby," I could hear him feeling sorry for me in his voice and I sighed.
"Don't."
"What?"
"Don't
feel sorry for me, that's not what I want. I want you
to tell me that it's okay for me to feel this way sometimes. I want you to tell
me that you love me and that I just need to breathe. I don't want your pity,
Alex. I never want you to pity me."
"Babe,
I don't pity you. And you're right, you are okay, you're perfectly fine and you
will be okay no matter what happens. You just need to breathe and think about
everything."
I
looked closely into his eyes and could see his eyes darting away, not wanting
to maintain eye contact, "What are you not telling me?"
"Uh...nothing,"
he said, a little too quickly, he moved me off of his lap and moved to get up
and off the couch.
"Wait.
Alexander Richard Lennox-Pettyfer, what the fuck are
you hiding?" I was starting to get angry.
"I...uhh...uhm.."
"Just
fucking tell me."
"I
don't want you to be mad," he looked down at his lap and I raised my eyebrow.
"Are
you fucking kidding me? That's a sure fire way to ensure that I'll be mad.
Spill, now."
"I
did something..." he started and I felt the dread hit hard in my stomach.
"What
kind of something...?" my mouth was dry, and I wanted to cough to relieve the
feeling in my throat but I couldn't let him know that this was getting to me as
much as it was.
"I...fuck!"
he jammed his fists down into his thighs. At this point, there was nothing I
could imagine but the worst.
"Alex...just
tell me," I took a shaky breath and tried to look at him but he wouldn't look
back at me.
"I...uhm...I...I went out for drinks with some of the cast..." he
started and I nodded, urging him to continue. "I ended up going home with
someone." That was all I needed to hear. I shook my head, stood up and walked
away, leaving him sitting on the couch. "Wait! Asher! Let me finish!" he was
chasing after me and I stopped, turned and looked at him. "I didn't sleep with
him, I...he...ugh! He gave me a handjob
and then I left. I couldn't stay. I knew that it would hurt you and I didn't
even think."
"You
didn't even think..." I turned back around and started to leave again.
"Asher..."
he tried to grab my hand.
"Fuck
you!" I spat and left, I got into my car and drove as quickly as I could back
to the place that I was meant to share with my "husband". When I pulled up to the gate and made my way up the
drive, it felt unfamiliar. Making my way up the stairs and into our bedroom, I
kept thinking why? How could he do this? Again? Who was he? How long ago? I couldn't help it and
I started tearing myself down. You're
useless, Asher. He doesn't love you, he never did. He was using you and you
stopped giving him what he needed. He had to go somewhere else to feel good. He
doesn't need you or want you anymore, you're just a
waste of space. Get out of his house, Asher. You're not wanted.
I
grabbed my luggage and started filling it with clothes out of our closet. I
couldn't go to my parents, I couldn't tell them that my marriage was falling
part again. I made my way down to the
main floor and then out the back door. I walked across the perfectly cared for
lawn to the guest house and entered. I already felt out of place and I shuddered.
I hadn't cried about it yet, he didn't love me anymore. He didn't want me
anymore. Oh my god. I set my things
in the bedroom and laid down on the bed, staring up at
the ceiling. My brain froze and my vision started turning dark. I wasn't
falling asleep, I just couldn't see. I couldn't feel.
I
laid there as the sky turned black. Tomorrow was Monday and I would have to go
back to work. I didn't have the days to take a personal day and I would need to
go. I didn't sleep that night, I continued to stare at the ceiling until the
sky turned light and the alarm on my phone went off, alerting me to the need to
wake up and get ready. I stood from the bed, went to the ensuite
and stripped. I had no feeling, I was numb. I couldn't feel the water as it hit
my body, even though it left my body bright red. I went through the motions,
washing my hair and my body. I decided to leave my stubble the way that it was
and got dressed in a pair of slacks and a deep red dress shirt. No tie was
needed today. I quickly styled my hair and looked in the mirror. My eyes were
red and had bags under them, but they were open and I looked mostly normal. I
made my way to the school and stepped into my classroom, preparing for the
first class.
One
of my favorite students walked in, I know...I know you aren't supposed to have
favorites. Jake walked over, dark curly hair a mess,
it looked like he rolled out of bed and threw on his tight jeans and looser
polo. "Hey Mr. LP," he called out as he walked by me to get to his preferred
desk.
"Hey,
Jake, how was your weekend?" I asked, my voice sounded off even to me.
"Not
bad...hey, are you okay?" he inquired and looked genuinely concerned.
"I'm
fine, just some...personal things happening that I can't talk about as school.
Thanks," I nodded once towards him and he nodded back. Usually Jake was one of
the last to get to the classroom, often there right before the bell rang,
sometimes right after. Looking at him closer, I could see a dark spot under the
collar of his shirt and it looked like he was wincing every time he took a
breath. "Jake..." I walked closer to him and squatted down beside his desk, eye
level with him and looking right at him.
"What's
up?" he asked, not daring to look at me.
"Wanna talk about why you're wincing so bad
every time you take a breath and that mark under your collar...?" I had a feeling
there was more marks on his body and it made me want to throw up.
"Not
really..." he shook his head slowly and I sighed.
"Alright,
well...would you rather talk to me about it, or would you rather talk to a councillor?
Either way I have to report it," I felt bad, and I could tell he really didn't
want to talk about it.
"Can
we talk about it after class?" he asked as more students started filing in.
"Yes,
as long as you promise you'll talk to me about it," I put my hand on his
shoulder gently and I could see him wince from it so I immediately removed my
hand.
"I
promise," he nodded and I went back to my desk, going over my plan for the
class and watching as the rest of the students walked in.
"Good morning, everyone!" I called out, as happily as I
possibly could with the numbness that had taking over my heart.
"Good
morning," I heard them chorus back.
"Alright,
what do we want to learn today?" I didn't feel like taking attendance, looking
around and only seeing two desks empty, I could guess who they were.
"Let's
learn about..." Blake started.
"No."
I cut him off and the whole class laughed, knowing that what he would have
suggested would have been profane and inappropriate. "How about we learn about The Great Gatsby?" I asked and held up
the book, I loved teaching this English class, letting them choose what they
wanted to learn for the most part. I heard a few yeses and a few noes so I
nodded and grabbed a vocabulary package. "Alright, either Gatsby or vocab?"
I
laughed as almost the entire class called out Gatsby.
"That's
what I thought!" we all had a laugh at that and everyone pulled out their
novels and got sorted. "Where did he leave off?"
"I
think we were on chapter 5," Jenna, the obvious teacher's pet, called out.
"Thank
you, Jenna. Do we want to read today, or has everyone caught up?"
"Can
you read to us please?" I looked over at Jake, who looked so broken.
"Everyone okay with that?" I saw most nod
so I agreed. I grabbed my chair from behind my desk and brought it to the
middle of the front of the class. "When I
came home to West Egg that night I was afraid for a moment that my house was on
fire. Two o'clock and the whole corner of the peninsula was blazing with light,
which fell unreal on the shrubbery and made thin elongating glints upon the
roadside wires. Turning a corner, I saw that it was Gatsby's house, lit from
tower to cellar..."
I
read for the entire period, until the bell rang and I closed the book, looking
around at all the happy faces.
"What?"
I asked.
"You
just have a really nice voice for reading," Katie called out and I blushed a
little bit.
"Well
thank you. Have a nice day everyone! I'll see your bright faces tomorrow,
please go ahead and read further in the book. Tomorrow we're going to do some
discussion on what we read today and we'll do some work sheets and group work.
Come prepared and if I find out you're skipping, you're doing vocab for a week
straight," it was my common threat and it seemed that it worked, my students
rarely skipped and they almost always were eager to participate. I watched Jake
packing his things up slowly, taking his time and waiting while everyone else
filed out. I nodded and smiled and said my goodbyes to the students as they
walked by my desk.
When they left I went
over and shut the door. I walked over and sat in the desk beside Jake, knowing
that I had a free period and knowing that I would give him a pass no matter
what.
"Alright, mister, what's
going on?" I asked, looking at him, genuinely concerned. He smiled at me and
shook his head.
"My mom...she's got this
new boyfriend and he doesn't like me much," I felt my heart breaking and I just
watched as he fiddled with a thread on his shirt. "When I got home yesterday,
they were both pretty angry at me, I had left my dirty clothes on the floor in
the bathroom...and when I went to go put them away, Ben grabbed me and he pulled
me back and hit me..." he lifted his shirt and showed me the marks all across his
abdomen, purple and angry bruises covered his alabaster skin.
"Oh my god, Jake..." I
reached out and pulled my hand back. "Come with me, we have to go see Mrs.
Wheeler."
"No! Please! I don't
want to! They'll take me from my mom and then what do I do? Where would I go?"
he was so desperate.
"Sh,
it's okay. We'll figure it out, but it needs to be reported. We'll see what we
can do."
This wasn't the first
time that Jake and I had had a serious conversation or a heart to heart. He
often would stay after class to talk and I would have to write him a pass to his
next class. I knew that if he needed me, I would be there, no matter what. I
would help him.
"Jake, seriously, we
need to go and report it. We can't let this happen again. Did she hurt you at
all?" He ducked his head and looked away from me. "Jake...seriously, please.
Let's go." I stood from the desk and looked at him. "I won't let anyone hurt
you, come on."
He stood with me and we
made our way down the stairs and down the hallway to the councillor's office.
He was walking close to me, trying to pull off of my strength, but not walking
too close. I put my hand on the back of his neck for a few seconds, letting him
know that I was there for him. I moved my hand again and knocked on the door of
Mrs. Wheeler.
"Come in," she called
through her door. I opened the door and I let Jake walk in first and then
followed him in. "Hello gentlemen, how can I help you?" She was stiff and
formal, but she was the best at her job.
"Hey, Holly, there's
something we need to talk to you about," I started. Jake was shaking beside me
and I put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, seriously. Can you show her?
Please."
Jake nodded and lifted
his shirt, showing the bruises across his abdomen and took a shaky breath.
"Holy smokes," Holly
gasped and stared at the bruises. "Who did that to you, son?"
"Please don't call me
that. But, uhm, it was my mom,
and her boyfriend...her boyfriend more than her..." he looked up at me and I gave
him a sad smile. And put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently.
"You're okay, I
promise," Jake nodded at me and put his head down.
"Alright, well..." Holly
took a deep breath and picked up her phone, she started dialing all of the
authorities that she needed to and we waited in her office. Jake and I were
having a quiet conversation; I was just trying to make him smile.
"So, Heather seems to
have quite the crush on you. As soon as I said group work, she looked right at
you," I laughed quietly at his hopeful face. Fifteen year old boys were so
funny.
"You think so?" he
smiled and I nodded. "Oh good! I think she's so hot,"
he mumbled the last part to himself and I laughed quietly.
"Gosh, I miss being so
young," my phone was ringing in my pocket and I pulled it out to see who was
calling, seeing Alex's name, I shook my head, hit ignore and then put my phone
back in my pocket.
"Troubles
with the other Mr. LP?" Jake asked, my face must have come
across exceptionally sad.
"Don't worry about it,
nosy."
We laughed quietly until
the authorities got there and they asked me to leave, I looked at Jake and he
looked terrified and lost and his eyes clung to mine...it was like he wouldn't be
able to handle it if I left.
"I'd prefer to stay...if I
could," I said softly and Jake seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
"As long as Jake's okay
with it, then sure," the main caseworker said, directed more at Jake who nodded
and so I sat beside him with my hand on his chair, helping to keep him calm the
best that I could.
It took multiple hours
to get pictures of the wounds, get everyone's statements and to discover that
Jake would have to be removed from the house immediately. The caseworker didn't
know of any homes off the top of her head with any openings and I looked at
Jake again, he was shaking and looked close to tears.
"He can stay with me. I
have more than enough room. It'll do him some good to be around someone he
knows and he'll be in a stable environment and you know that he'll get to
school every day," I winked at the social worker and she thought about it for a
few minutes.
"Let me just make a call
quickly to find out if that would be okay, you'd have to sign some paperwork
and things like that, but I assume you know that," she said, looking right at
me.
"Yeah, do what you need
to do, just don't make him go anywhere that he doesn't know the people, he's
hurting enough as it is." Jake nodded and moved slightly closer to me. "Think
you can go back to class? Or you just wanna hang
here?" I had already missed all of the classes that I was scheduled to teach,
but I had been covered as I was taking care of this situation. The caseworker left
the room quietly and it was just Jake and I.
"I'd like to stay here,
if that's cool?"
"Yeah, that's fine, who are you supposed to have this period?"
"Mr. Smith."
"Alright, let me just
call and let him know that you won't be in class, I'll get them to send a
message to all your teachers and then you won't have anything to worry about,
deal?"
"Thanks..." he looked
genuinely thankful and it warmed my heart. He was such a good kid and there was
no reason for anyone to ever hurt this boy like they had. He was so kind and
polite, but willing to poke fun, but never menacingly. I just nodded to him and
went to pick up the phone and dialed his Mr. Smith, letting him know that Jake
wouldn't be in his class for the rest of the period.
"There, all done," I
smiled and Jake smiled back at me.
"Thank you...I really
appreciate all this," he looked up at me and I sat back down in the chair
beside him.
"Jake...this isn't the
first time is it?"
"No. Will you tell me a
story?"
"What kind of a story do
you want?"
"Tell me about your
wedding, or honeymoon. You never really talk about Mr. LP."
I smiled sadly at him,
"I'd rather not...to be honest..."
"What happened?" he
asked softly.
"Uhm...a lot of things that I shouldn't talk about. I can see that you're
worried, but you have to remember that I'm your teacher, it would be wildly
inappropriate."
"Then tell me a story of
something happy."
"Now THAT I can do," I
laughed softly.
**** FLASHBACK ****
I
had never seen the set before, my dad had brought me
there for the first time. In fact, it was the first time any of the staff had
had children at the set. There was one specific reason for us to be there: I
was to meet Alex Pettyfer. When I walked up to him,
his eyes were this mixture of grey and green and as I looked closer I could see
that his smile reached all the way to his eyes. I would learn exactly what that
mischievous smile meant, that was his `I'm turned on and find you attractive
but don't tell anyone' look. We were sitting on the couch talking and every
inch of my skin was on edge and vibrating with the closeness of this amazing
man in front of me. I caught myself staring at his handsome face, the square
jawline and the stubble. I could see freckles poking out from the collar of his
shirt and I couldn't help but stare at him.
****END FLASHBACK****
"I
was in love with him from the moment I met him, he became everything to me;
consumed every thought I had. I would give anything for him to feel the same
way about me..." I muttered the last part to myself, hoping that Jake wouldn't
hear it but I couldn't be sure.
"What
do you mean? Aren't you guys married?" Jake was asking, looking genuinely
concerned.
"I
can't talk about it here, I can't bring personal into work and I really
shouldn't bother you with any of that. It's nothing to worry your head about
when you have other stuff to worry about. You hear me? I do not want you to worry about what's going on between Alex and I," I looked into Jake's eyes, making sure that he
understood.
"Alright,
alright, I get it," he looked down and nodded.
I
set my hand on his head and ruffled his hair playfully. The scowl that I
received made me laugh, I just couldn't help it. While we were talking and
joking around, the social worker had been watching us through the office window
while talking on the phone to her superiors. Apparently everything had gone
according to plan because she came back into the room smiling.
"Alright! So, it seems that everything is good to go. You
and Alex had put through a pre-application for adoption and they just looked at
that to base their decision off. So, you're welcome to do one of two things:
one, go and pick up clothing and things from Jake's home then secure him back
at your home; and two, continue through school today, purchase new clothing and
school items. It is entirely up to you. Asher, I just need your signature on
this line," she pointed to a spot on a page. "And there you go! Jake Fischer,
you are officially in the care of Asher Lenox-Pettyfer."
"Thank
you," we both said at the same time.
"Okay,
so...what do you wanna do? Go get stuff now, or wait
till the end of the school day?" I was sitting beside Jake and watching his
face, he was starting to look very sad as the extreme nature of this whole
situation was setting in.
"Mom
is more likely to be gone after school so...I guess I can finish the school day
and then we can go and get my stuff. I don't really know what I'll need to
take."
"Well,
I'll be there with you so we can decide while we're there," I said, trying to
console him and putting my hand on his shoulder. Jake wasn't a boy who was in a
poor living condition, his mother fed him well and dressed him well, he had
many of the latest gadgets, but she had no right to ever lay her hands on him,
nor did her boyfriends. I would do anything to protect Jake,
he was part of my family now, come hell or high water I would save him before
saving myself.
"Thanks,
Mr. LP. I owe you," he said quietly, looking down at his feet.
"You
owe me nothing. All that matters to me is that you're safe. You should get back
to class, unless you need more time to collect yourself. After your last class
grab your backpack and head on over to my classroom, alright? We'll head to
pick up your stuff and then head to my place and get you settled."
"I
think I can head back to class now, I think I'm okay to do that..." Jake finally
looked up at me and I nodded.
"Alright,
you go to class, I'll go start teaching again," I laughed quietly and Jake
shook his head at me.
"You,
teach?! Yeah, you're funny," Jake was laughing at me and I shook him gently.
"How
dare you!" I gasped in fake shock and laughed. "Get your butt to class."
Jake
stood and gave me a quick hug before leaving the room, leaving me stunned,
standing there watching him leave. I had never expected it, I had decided that
I would let Jake decided what was okay for affection. The smile never left my
face when I left the office and made my way back to my classroom,
I had a free block this period and spent it marking papers and exams. When the
bell rang again, I stood and welcomed the students into my class, as they took
their seats, I set up what I would need for the class and then when the second
bell rang, I started teaching. Teaching the way that I had always taught, I
listened to the students, I helped them to discover the right answers instead
of just giving them away. In the last ten minutes of the class, I stood at the
front of the room and started handing back papers, calling out each student's
name and handing their paper back to them when they came up to me. They had all
done well, some better than others, but that was to be expected.
At
the end of the day, I looked up and smiled as Jake entered my classroom with
his backpack slung over his left shoulder.
"Ready to go?" I asked as I grabbed my messenger bag,
already filled with the things I would need for the night's work.
"Yessir!" Jake called out and I
laughed.
"Alright,
let's go!" I stood from my chair and we left the room, making our way down the
hallway. This hallway had always been nicknamed the color hallway, being that
it was the only hallway in the entire school with rainbow colored lockers. It
was preferred by many of the students, it had been
preferred by me during my high school years too. The hallway was also coined as
the stoner and the "other"-ed
students hallway. The hallways were basically cleared as very few students
wanted to stick around at the end of the day. We walked down the hallway to the
northeast corner and then down three flights of stairs, out the door and to the
Ford Edge that I had been driving to be inconspicuous. After unlocking the
doors with the keyfob, Jake and I got in. "So, you're
gonna have to either give me an address or show me
where to go."
It
obviously wasn't Jake's first time in a newer vehicle, as he reached over and
typed his address into the GPS and smiled, "There."
I
left the parking lot and drove to Jake's house, pulling up alongside the curb.
We both got out and quickly grabbed as many clothes as we could, any keepsakes
he wanted, all of his school things and backed up all of his files off of his
computer, as I would be buying him a new one.
As
we were finishing up, I looked around his room and then let my eyes rest on
his, "Are you sure that's all you want to take?"
All
I got from Jake was a nod.
"Then
I think we should go," I grabbed as much of Jake's stuff in my hands as I could
and started making my way to the car. Jake stopped for a few minutes and wrote
a quick letter to his mom, leaving it stuck to the fridge with a Coors Light
magnet. I waited for Jake and then we made our way out to my car and packed it
full of his stuff. We got into the car and then I quickly headed to Alex's and
my house. "So...I just moved into the guest house last night, but I'm thinking,
for your benefit, I'll move back into the main house. We'll set you up in
whatever room you want, there's plenty to choose from and tomorrow we'll go get
you a new computer and cellphone and anything else you think you might need,
does that sound okay?"
"You
don't have to do that," Jake looked down at his lap, looking ashamed.
"I
want to," I pulled into the driveway and used the clicker to open the garage
bay. Guiding the car into the spot and looking around, I noticed that all of
the cars were there, either Alex was in the house, or he was away shooting
again. We unpacked the car and took it all upstairs and left it in the hallway.
"Choose which room you want."
Jake
walked up and down the hallway looking into each room, he chose the one second
farthest from the master, I sighed at that as I was hoping to take the one
furthest from the room that I wanted nothing to do with. We moved all of Jake's
stuff into the room and I looked at him.
"Do
you want help putting it all away? Or are you okay?"
"I
think I can handle it," Jake looked at me and then walked over and wrapped his
arms around my middle for the second time that day. I just kept my mouth shut
and hugged him back, rubbing his back slowly and gently. "Thank you for saving
me." I felt my shirt getting wet and hugged him tighter.
"I
will do everything in my power to keep you safe from now on. I promise." I
rubbed his back some more. "I'll let you get settled, you want pizza for
supper?" I felt him nod against my chest. "What kind?" He shrugged and I just
held him for a few more minutes, letting him decide when he wanted to let go.
Slowly, he let go and I ran my fingers through his hair. "Just relax, I'll
order pizza, unpack at your own speed. We'll deal with everything as it comes."
I
heard Alex in the master bedroom and I really didn't want to deal with him but
I knew I had to. I left Jake's room and closed the door behind me, wanting him
to hear as little of this as possible. I made my way to the master bedroom and
opened the door, I was exhausted, the lack of sleep from last night catching up
on me.
"Alex,
we need to talk," I said as I walked in but I was not greeted by the face of my
husband but rather the face of a very blonde, shapely woman in nothing but a
towel and wet hair. "Oh! Hello!" I said, shocked.
"Uh...hi,"
she had the decency to look ashamed, I turned to the bathroom door as it opened
and Alex walked through, completely naked and dripping wet. He had his head
down.
"Hey!
Candace! Gimme my towel back!" slowly he looked up
slowly and our eyes locked. I was angry, but I refused to let him see that.
"I
just wanted to let you know that I'm fostering one of my students, we had an
issue to deal with and I'm helping in the only way that I know how. He's
staying here, and I have to stay in the same house. I'll take my stuff and move
into the bedroom at the hall. Just...please don't let him see this. He doesn't
need to know what's going on," I kept my gaze steady on his,
I knew he could see the hurt in my eyes but I refused to let any emotion show
on my face.
"Ash-"
he started.
"Don't.
Just...don't," I held up my hand and went into the closet, I grabbed the things
that I knew I would need for the next couple of days and then headed into the
bathroom where I saw her clothes all over the bathroom and swallowed hard
around the lump that had formed. I grabbed my toiletries then went back into
the main room, I grabbed the picture of Alex and I on
our wedding day that we kept on our dresser and threw it in the small waste bin
as I made my way out. It took everything in my power to walk to the end of the
hallway and walk into the room that I had never spent any time in. I hung up my
clothes in the much smaller closet and set my toiletries in the smaller ensuite. When I looked at the time, I realized that I had
to get food for Jake, and I had to do it now. I quickly pulled out my phone and
ordered a pepperoni pizza and told them I'd pay extra if they could have it
here within 20 minutes. They promised it would be there and so I sat on the bed
and stared at the ceiling.
We
had barely been married for a month and already it was going to shit. I just
didn't understand. What had I done wrong? I did everything I could, he seemed
happy. But, looking back, I could see where I was losing him. I saw all the
hushed conversations and conversations he couldn't have in front of me, I saw
all of the texts with a smile afterwards. I saw it all, all of the signs and I
chose to ignore them and believe that he wouldn't ever do that to me again. I
wanted everything that I had seen today, to be a nightmare, I just wanted to
wake up and have none of this happen.
The
doorbell rang when the pizza came and I went downstairs to the door, paid for
it and then went back up to Jake's room. I knocked and was admitted entrance.
"Thanks
for knocking," Jake smiled at me and I smiled half-heartedly back.
"You're
entitled to your privacy," I set the pizza down on the desk that was against
one of the large windows and opened it up. "Eat up. Whatever you don't eat,
we'll put in the fridge, okay?"
"You're
not eating."
"I
don't have much of an appetite."
"Mr.
LP, what's wrong...? What's going on? If it's because of me, I mean...I can find
somewhere else to go."
"Hell no! It's not because of you. God.
No, it has everything to do with my husband being an asshat.
And, by the way you can call me Asher or Ash, or whatever you want when we
aren't at school. I honestly, don't mind. Mr. LP even though
the most informal version of my name, still feels too formal."
"Can
you tell me what happened?"
"I-" I was cut off my Alex knocking on the door.
"Hi,"
he said as he poked his head in, without being permitted entrance.
"Jake,
this is Alex, Alex, Jake." I introduced them and then took a step back. Jake
took a step towards Alex and they shook hands.
"Nice
to meet you," Jake said quietly.
"Yeah,
you too," Alex said just as quietly. "I just wanted to make sure that you're
settling in okay, I have to go out and deal with some stuff and then I'll be
back later. I probably won't be back before you guys go to bed so...have a good
night."
I
couldn't even look at him. The man that I loved more than
anything and I couldn't look at him. My heart was broken and it took
everything in my power not to cry at that moment. Alex left and I could hear
him talking to Candace as they made
their way out of the house, to do God only knows what.
"Did
he..." Jake's eyes got big as he gestured towards the
voices downstairs.
I
could only nod, and even that was too much. "I'm sorry," I said quietly and
rushed out of the room and to my new room. I took a deep breath and sat against
the wall. I wasn't paying much attention until Jake sat beside me.
"You
don't deserve that," he said quietly. Maybe he was wrong, maybe I did deserve
it, maybe there was something I did that had told Alex to treat me like crap
and that I deserved him being a complete asshole.
"Maybe
I do, Jake," I said very quietly to him, my voice almost couldn't be heard.
"You should be eating."
"I'll
only eat if you come and join me."
"Alright,
deal, go grab the pizza and we'll chill in here for a bit, yeah?" I looked at
him with my eyebrow raised. Jake stood quickly and moved to the other room,
grabbing the pizza and returning. I took the smallest piece and Jake,
obviously, took the largest. I laughed quietly, typical teenage boy.
"Why...why
on earth do you think that you deserve him cheating on you?" Jake sounded
genuinely concerned. I shrugged at him and continued eating. "I don't
understand, when you got back from your honeymoon, you were all smiles and shittin' butterflies." He grimaced at me and then looked
down. "Sorry."
"That's
okay, just don't let it happen too often, you're still too young to be using
those words on a regular basis," I smiled and shook Jake's head slightly. I
looked at my watch and seeing that it was well past ten, I look at Jake. "You
need to take a shower and get your butt to bed. Or do you shower in the
morning? No matter, just, you should be getting to bed."
"Alright,
thanks again Ash, I appreciate all this."
"Don't
mention it," I smiled at him and packaged up the pizza before heading
downstairs to put the pizza in the fridge.
Once
Jake was out of my room, I closed the door most of the way, leaving it open
just slightly and then went into the ensuite where I closed
the door completely, I ran a bath and stripped off quickly. I added some Epsom salts
and some good smelling oils, anything that would relax me. When the tears
started coming, I couldn't stop them and slid into the tub, letting the hot
water wash over every inch of my body, I turned the taps off and slowly slid
under completely, keeping my eyes closed completely. I held my breath, checking
just how long I could stay under before I raised back
up and wiped my eyes. I shook my head. Do
not do this, Asher. It was his decision. You did nothing to deserve it.
Breathe. Stop. Breathe. Get out of the tub, dry off, get
to bed. You have to teach tomorrow and have students waiting for you. You also
have a boy in the next room who is relying on you. DO
NOT LET HIM DOWN. Man...my conscience was an asshole sometimes, being that
hard on me when I'm this upset. But, I listened, I soaked for a few more
minutes, letting my body relax, then got out, dried off, brushed my teeth and
headed out to "my" room. I slid on a clean pair of boxers and a pair of gym
shorts. I didn't want to be running to Jake's room naked if he needed anything.
I lifted the blanket on the bed after shutting out the lights and crawled into
the bed. It was soft, I'll give it that. But it wasn't my bed. It wasn't the bed that I had grown accustomed to. I didn't
like it.
I
eventually fell asleep, only to be awoken a few hours later by some very loud
sobs. I stood from my bed and stepped into Jake's room quietly,
I came up alongside his bed and stroked his hair gently.
"Hey,
slide over," he looked at me like I was an alien at first but then complied and
slid over. I crawled under the blankets and then opened my arms, "Come here."
I
held him the rest of the night with his head on my chest and my arms around
him, I didn't sleep much, instead I stayed awake and listened to him breathe
and felt his heartbeat. It had taken him a few minutes to calm down, but once
he had, he was out like a light. We didn't talk about it,
I just held him and let him get it out.
When
he woke the next morning, we went through our routines, getting ready. And that
was what happened for two weeks straight. We'd get up, get ready, go to school,
do what we needed, come home, eat (sometimes something I cooked, sometimes
something I ordered), shower and halfway through the night I'd end up cuddling
Jake in his bed, until it started happening later and later and finally he wasn't
waking up crying anymore.
Alex
had been around as little as possible during this time and anytime that he was
around, Jake was all but silent. I had been civil with Alex, for Jake's
benefit, but I refused to give him any of my time. My time was spent making
sure that Jake had what he needed, that he felt loved and cared for and that he
felt safe.
Later
on in the year, when Jake started getting more comfortable with the house and
with me, he started inviting friends over and actually telling people that he
lived with me and that I was his foster dad. We were affectionate with each
other, I hugged him and ruffled his hair, I touched his shoulder when I walked
by him. Every touch sending the message that he was loved and that he was safe.
He seemed to excel with this added feeling. His marks all improved greatly,
even though they were fairly high before. I was helping him in English Lit,
helping him write better, teaching him where he was
going wrong. And no, I never favored him, I marked him
just as fairly as I marked everyone else. Eventually, he started tutoring the
others in the class and I couldn't have been more proud of him.
He
never spoke to his mother while he was with me. He said that she had called a
handful of times but that he never felt like giving her the opportunity to talk
to him and degrade him when he was feeling so good about himself.
It
was halfway through the school year, right before Christmas Vacation that Alex
was home for two weeks solid. It was awkward between us and we had to sort it
out. One of the first days of the vacation, Jake was out with his friends and
Alex had come into the living room where I was curled up with a book and a cup
of tea. I had my favorite blanket draped over me and I was content.
"Asher,
can we talk?" Alex started, coming closer to me.
I
moved my feet out of the way so that he could sit where they were and I held up
my finger until I was finished the page that I was on, I marked it and then set
it down.
"Yes?"
I asked, looking at him. I had started feeling indifferent, I could look at him
without wanting to break down and lose my mind.
"I
need to tell you about this," he said quietly and looked down at his life. At
least he looked upset at himself.
"Alex, honestly...if you didn't want to be with me, if you didn't
want to marry me that's fine. I would have survived. But, instead, you
married me in a beautiful ceremony, you took me on a fabulous honeymoon and you
made sure that you felt like you loved me. If you want a divorce, just say it.
I'll sign the papers and give you everything, I have
enough money to start over. If you're not happy with me then fine, it's okay. I'll
survive. I'm hurt that you had to resign yourself to cheating on me...again, and I
don't know how many other times," I looked at him, searching his face for an
explanation, I was hurting. I was hurting bad, but if he didn't want me, he
didn't have to keep me.
"No.
I don't want a divorce. I'm in love with you, I have
been since I met you. I just...I don't know. I needed space,
I needed to clear my head. So after our honeymoon, I told you we were going on
a shoot, but instead I went to England. I went and stayed with my parents for a
few days. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was losing it, I needed my parents.
They were happy to have me and helped me realize that I'm in love with you. But
before I could get to you to tell you all of this, Candace came up to me when I
had come back to the states and she and I got talking. She understood how I was
feeling and we went for a walk and then...I don't know what happened or how it
happened, but she kissed me and I kissed back, I couldn't help it. And then
after that, I couldn't stop. I felt like I needed her all the time. I wanted
her around, but I realized that she wasn't what I wanted around, that who I wanted
around was the person that I was hurting by being with her. I hurt you, and I don't
expect you to accept my apology. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, I've
fucked up badly and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do," there
were tears falling down his cheeks and my heart almost broke at that but then I
realized that he was the one that had caused them.
"Did
you sleep with her?" it was the only thing I could ask.
"I
don't-"
"No.
Did. You. Sleep. With. Her?"
I asked again, pausing after each word to add emphasis.
He
paused for what seemed like forever, "Yes, once."
"In our bed?"
"No."