Alex: Oh! Hi, yes of course. Sorry, I'm a bit shocked that he told anyone. He had promised me that he wouldn't tell a soul unless it was deemed absolutely necessary.

Beth: I thought he was using drugs so I called him out, hence the forthcoming of the information. Look, you need to know some stuff about our dear Asher.

Alex: What do you mean? What do I need to know? He's not like...some paparazzi in disguise or something, is he?

Beth: LOL! No. He just has some special needs that you need to be aware of.

Alex: Like what?

Beth: I can't really tell you through texts, it's something that all three of us need to sit down and discuss.

Alex: Well...I'm on location so I doubt I'll be back in town anytime soon. I think we have another two weeks of on location shooting and then I should be home, but it depends on the crew and the other actors. They can be little bitches.

Beth: Haha! Alright, well, just get Ash to tell me when you're back in town and we'll get together. Talk to Ash tonight and see if he'll let you into his mind. He needs your help and I swear, if you hurt him, I will do things that will be unpleasant, not only to you, but everyone around you. Don't fuck with him Alex. He's vulnerable and he really just needs someone to count on. I hope that he can count on you.

Alex: Don't worry, Beth. I'm not gonna fuck him over, I care about him too much even now to do anything to hurt him. Is he okay? Does he need my help or anything? I can probably fly back for a night if he really needs me. My manager wouldn't like it, but he'd just have to suck it up.

Beth: No, he's fine, he'd feel bad if you got in trouble for flying in. Look, the easiest thing is for you to call him, I don't care when. But we have to go to class now. Text him, keep him company, don't let him get lonely and if you start getting one word answers, call him, or tell him to go the bathroom so you can speak to him. He just needs a rock, Alex.

Alex: Don't worry.

Beth handed me back my phone after deleting the conversations. I missed him so much, my heart ached for him a bit, I just wanted him to be here. Stupid movies and their on location shoots. I just wanted him back in town so that I could hug him and kissed him. He had been gone for like...a week and already I wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms.

When Beth stood, I realized we were going to be late for class, I needed to stop day dreaming. It was going to get me into trouble. Beth lead the way to our English Lit class and we found our way to our regular seats. My phone was vibrating in my pocket and I put it on silent to mask the fact that I was texting my man. Ahh my man.

Oh fuck...

Alex: Talk to me.

Me: Can we talk after my class about it? I can call you or you can call me, but I just can't talk about it over text.

Alex: Baby, is it that serious?

Me: Yeah, kind of. Can we talk about something else while I'm in class? I miss you...

Alex: I miss you too baby. I was gonna fly in tonight just for the night to see you and then leave when you go to school, but Beth said I shouldn't cause then you'd feel bad or something. I don't know, I miss you and I wanna see you.

Me: I miss you so much, but you need to be there and I need to be here. Two weeks can't come soon enough. <3 Can't wait for you to get home.

Alex: Are you even paying attention in your class?

Me: No, not really, I miss you too much. I just wanna text you and talk to you and see you and kiss you and hold you and love you, but you have to be so far away.

Alex: You should pay attention or else Beth will kill me for distracting you from your studies. ;)

Me: I'd protect you babe, you know that. All my muscles and sheit. My 24 pack abs. oh yeah, I could take on ANYBODY.

Alex: Baby, please don't try to be tough...it doesn't work for you. You're too innocent. BAHAHAHA, luvvvvvv youuuuuuuuu. J

Me: Not impressed ;) I'm gonna go so I can pay attention in this class, I'll text you when I'm out of class okay? I miss you, xoxo.

I finally started paying attention to my class, managing to catch up on the notes. When the professor finally released us, I hugged Beth and practically ran out to my car. I texted Alex and told him I was free. I felt my phone start to vibrate, signalling a phone call.

"Hi babe," I said into the phone as I got into my car and backed out, starting to drive home to my parents' house.

"Hi, handsome," his voice always seemed to soothe me.

"God, I miss you," I was driving carefully and paying close attention, on the lookout for cops.

"I miss you too, baby. Now, what's bugging you? Why are you so down? I can tell from your voice that something's upsetting you, spill it baby," his English accent was pronounced for some reason.

"I just...I don't feel good enough for you."

"Bloody hell, Asher! Why in the world do you think that?" I instantly felt even worse, I couldn't tell him, could I?

"It's stupid, you don't wanna hear it. I'm sorry for bugging you," I wanted to just get off the phone call, I wanted to go crawl into my bed and die.

"Ash, stop...I didn't say you were bugging me, and I doubt it's stupid. Now...what's wrong?" I could hear the concern in his voice, I pulled into my driveway and got out of my car, grabbing my book bag out of the backseat.

"Everything's wrong. I'm not good enough for you Alex. You're so handsome, and so perfect and you have SO many people after you, and I'm just...bleh," I locked my car and headed into the house, I kicked my shoes off and immediately made my way up to my room.

"Asher, what brought this on?"

"I'm not good enough for you, when I was telling Beth about you, I couldn't help but think that I can't offer you anything. You have so much and there's nothing I could give you that you don't already have."

"Ash, I don't want material things, I want love and I know you can give that to me. So stoppit. All I need is love and all I want is you. So don't worry. Baby you're too good for me and you know it. So stop. I'm flying home tonight, I'll be there late but I'll make it to your place and then we'll really talk okay? Don't worry about a thing," I could hear the deep concern in his voice.

"Alex."

"Yeah, baby?"

"Thanks, I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything. Do your homework, I'll text you just before take off, and I'll text you when I land. Don't worry about a thing baby, I'll take a couple days off if I need to. You're more important than work."

I started crying and I know he heard it. I tried to hide it as best as I could.

"Baby, shhh, don't cry," his voice was soothing me.

"Alex, I really don't deserve you," I was sobbing now, I couldn't control it anymore.

"Asher, enough. I don't want to hear that anymore, when I get there, we'll cuddle in bed and talk. We can stay in bed all day tomorrow too. I'll do whatever it takes to make you realize that I'm not gonna lose out on you. I'm here for you baby, and you're worth every moment of my time and energy."

"Thank you..."

"No need baby, but I have to go now so I can make the calls and talk to the director okay? I gotta book a flight...I need you to stop worrying, I will be there as soon as I can. Keep your chin up," I heard somebody talking to him in the background. "Time to go. I'll be there soon."

"Okay baby, I'll see you soon," I whispered then ended the call. I now worried about who was on the other side of the phone, who was talking to him while he was on the phone with me. Why couldn't my mind just stop working right now? I just wanted to be able to shut it off for a second so that I didn't feel like such a nutcase. I laid down on my bed, not even bothering to get under the covers. I was tired all of sudden and my body was ready to shut down but my mind wasn't. I thought of Alex, wrapped in my arms, not moving from my embrace and slowly fell asleep. I had placed my phone under my pillow so that I would feel it when he texted me.

Two hours later, I received a text from Alex, telling me he boarded the plane and was just waiting for take-off. The flight would be about an hour and then he'd take an hour or so to get to my place. I couldn't wait for him to get here, I was looking at between two and three hours before he got here and that's when I realized that I was SO hungry!

I made my way down the staircase to the kitchen where my mom was putting the final touches on supper.

"Hi baby!"

"Ugh, mommmmmmmm, really? Must you insist on calling me that? It's so embarrassing," I made my way to my mom and wrapped my arms around her from behind. We had always been close and I loved spending time with her. She was the perfect mom for me, she always knew how to fix problems when I needed her, she gave me the best advice and she always was there for me. I felt her hands on mine and I kissed her on the top of the head. My mom was mighty tiny, like, 5'4" maybe 5'5". She weighed like 108 lbs soaking wet. She was a small lady but she had a big personality.

"I love you, son."

"I love you too, mama! What's for supper?" right on cue, my stomach made loud noises, signalling it's hunger.

"Nachos, that okay with you?"

"Sounds delicious."

I grabbed plates and cutlery and went to the breakfast nook. I set the table for three, unsure if my father was joining us.

"Oh! Mom?" I had to ask her about Alex.

"Yes, honey?"

"Alex is flying in tonight, he's gonna spend the night, is that okay?"

"Of course, just no funny business!" I could hear her laughter and I knew she was joking. She knew that we wouldn't do anything like that, well...she thought we wouldn't, what she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her right? We probably wouldn't do anything tonight at least, it seemed like it was going to be a serious evening and sex would just mess it all up. I started feeling like I was ready for Alex and I to go further, but when I really thought about it, I got scared and my palms got sweaty and I shook and my vision went kind of blurry. Maybe I wasn't supposed to think about it I was just supposed to do it? I wasn't sure, I just wanted to be with him, around him, in his arms. I didn't know why I was so worried about how he felt about me, or me feeling like I didn't deserve him. I wanted him to be happy and I REALLY hoped that it was me that made him happy.

My mother brought in a huge platter of nachos and set it on the table in the breakfast nook.

"Your father won't be joining us, he's working late, yet again."

"Oh joy, I didn't want to see him anyways..." I said sarcastically. I hated that my father was never around but I knew that I really couldn't do anything about it. He had to keep working in order to support us, even though if he retired now, we could easily live off of his fortune.

"Don't be like that, you know he'd be here if he could be."

"Yeah, that's what they always say," I laughed a bit and shook it off. "It's fine, let's eat."

My mom and I sat down and I let her dish up her food first. My mom was an excellent cook and I loved the meals she made for me. I loved when she cooked for me and I loved when she thought that I had to eat first. What a mistake, she was my mama, she ate first, always. After she had dished up, I took a huge scoopful of nachos, I put some sour cream and some salsa on top the mound. I grabbed my fork and started digging in. I was so hungry, I hadn't eaten lunch, I hadn't had breakfast. I kept eating until I felt my phone vibrating, someone was calling me. Who was it? I excused myself from the table and went into the living room, I took my phone out and hit talk after smiling at the name on my screen.

"Oh hey," I laughed a bit.

"I landed, safe and sound and alive," Alex's voice filtered through my speaker on my phone and into my ear.

"I'm glad, did you need me to come get you? Or do I have to pay for a cab or anything?"

"No, baby, I'll get in a cab, and I'll pay for it. What are you doin?" I could almost hear him smiling.

"I WAS eating some nachos, but then some jackass called and I had to make him feel special for a bit."

"OH! So we're playing that game?" He laughed at me and I smiled to myself, trying not to laugh.

"What game?" I tried to play stupid.

"I'm gonna have to spank you I guess. You're one naughty naughty boy. However will I make you pay?" He must've been in a private area if he could speak like this.

"Wouldn't you like that?" I laughed and shook my head. "Yanno what? Just get your butt over here, I miss you and I want to kiss you, so the sooner you get here the better. And if you say it's going to be like 3 hours till I see you, I'm never going to kiss you or touch you again."

"You're punishing yourself if you do that."

"Just tell me your ETA, please babe," I almost whined to him, I was such a girl.

"Alrighttttt fine, I'll be there in about 45 minutes, I'm in the cab now."

"And you were talking like that?! Are you crazy? He's gonna know for sure that you're gay and he could out you and-"

"Asher, stop. It's not a problem, just don't worry about a thing okay? I love you, go finish your supper, spend time with your mama. I'll be there in awhile."

"You what?"

"I'll tell you later, just go have supper," I was shocked, it took me a minute, but it registered that he had told me he loved me. How could he love me? We'd only known each other like 2 weeks. He doesn't love me, it must've just slipped out.

"I'll see you soon."

"Yeah baby, bye." He hung up and then I ended the call. Then I went back into the kitchen and sat back down with my mom. I started eating again.

"Was it Alex?" my mom asked.

"Yeah, he said he'd be here in another half hour or so."

"Oh good," she continued to eat and I did as well, our conversation flowed easily and we kept talking all through our meal and even afterwards.

"Can we wait for dessert until Alex gets here?" I asked her.

"Sure, of course we can," this is why I love my mom. She was so understanding. She would do anything to please me, and while some might think I'm spoiled, she does not. She's seen spoiled and she's seen treated with respect and love. And she prefers to say that she treats me with respect and lots and lots and lots of love.

I heard the doorbell ring and I smiled at my mom then stood and practically ran to the front door. I threw open the door to see Alex standing there, as stunning as ever.

"Hey baby," he said to me as he stepped towards me. He stepped in just far enough to clear the door as he closed it and then stepped closer to me. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me like his life depended on it. He kissed me like he's never kissed me before. If this is what it's like when he gets home after being gone for awhile, he could leave more often as long as he always came back.

"Mmh, want some dessert?" I asked him once we had parted.

"I think I just had mine," he laughed a bit and took my hand. I lead him through to the kitchen and sat him down at the table.

"You stay here," I kissed his forehead and went to grab three bowls, I proceeded to fill them with two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and topped them with chocolate syrup and whipped cream then a cherry on each one. I carried them back in and set one in front of my mother, in front of my boyfriend and then set mine down, I went back and grabbed three spoons then handed them out. "Sorry, I forgot. Kindda a space case today."

Alex looked at me and I could tell he was concerned, I smiled at him and told him with my eyes that we would talk later. He seemed to get the hint and started eating his ice cream while carrying on a pleasant conversation with my mom. Once we all finished I cleaned up the bowls and put them in the dishwasher, I was trying to be as helpful as I could and trying to put off the conversation that was inevitably going to happen. I felt someone's arms wrap around my middle from behind and I smelled the familiar cologne of Alex.

"We should go talk," he whispered as he held me against him. I merely nodded then let my mom where we were going and lead him upstairs to my room. He had taken this path multiple times but he would never just walk himself up there. He allowed me to take him there. When we made it to my room I opened the door and allowed him to enter first then followed him. He pulled off his shirt and undid his belt and jeans, stripping down to his boxer briefs. "We're gonna be comfortable while we talk about this."

I nodded and stripped to my boxers then crawled into my bed, leaving room for him.

"Do you want me to hold you, or do you want me to be apart from you while we talk about this?"

"I want you to look at me but I don't want you to hold me...I need to talk about it and be apart from you a bit. But I don't want you like on the other side of the bed, I just don't know if I'll have the strength to tell you if you hold me."

"Alright baby," he whispered and got into the bed with me, he laid facing me and laid his hand on the mattress so that if needed, I coul grab it and hold onto it. "Whenever you're ready"

"I don't know where to start..."

"Start from the beginning."

And so I told him, I told him every little nuance, about how jealous I could be, about how I had depression, about everything. He would now know how truly fucked up I was. I told him about all my little insecurities and how inferior I felt. I told him about my past and what happened when I came out to my friends and my family and how most of my friends left me. I had a small group of friends to begin with but now my group was a lot smaller. I explained how hard it was for me to trust people but how easily I fell in love. And then I went on to explain that my feelings for him were getting deeper and I was scared and that I wanted to just fall and let him catch me, but I didn't know if he would really catch me or just let me fall and lay there. And lastly, I explained that while I wanted to further our relationship and go to the next level and get...physical, every time I thought about it, I got dizzy and light headed and shakey and nervous. He didn't interrupt me the entire time but instead, let me tell my story as I needed to. As I was saying the last part, he moved closer to me and rested his hand on my hip. And when I was finished, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

"I won't rush you, when it's the right time, we'll know. I won't rush it and I won't leave, I'm here for you baby and you need to remember that. I think I'm falling for you and that's a scary thought," he whispered to me and I closed my eyes.

"Scary?"

"Loving you could ruin my career, but not loving you could ruin my life. I'm scared of losing you and I'm scared of keeping you so close, I don't want you exposed to the live that I lead. It's not good for a person like you."

"A person like me?" I really didn't understand.

"You're so innocent and you're so pure and I just, I don't want anyone to hurt you and I know that so many actors and actresses would be after you and you probably wouldn't know how to turn them down," he told me as he stayed close to me and I nodded.

"Are you going to tell anyone that we're together?" I asked quietly, I was scared of the answer, but I had to know.

"I'll tell my manager and all of my handlers, but I won't tell anyone that doesn't need to know. Eventually I'll come out to everyone and then we won't have to worry about anything and I'll kiss you in public and hold your hand and love you with no reservations," he was smiling by the end of it and I kissed him.

"Kisses like that?"

"No...more like this..." he leaned in and kissed me passionately, his tongue gaining entry to my mouth and wrestling with mine. I loved kissing this man. I loved the way his lips felt on mine and his tongue felt along mine. His kisses brought an excitement to my body that I didn't know could happen from a mere few minutes of kissing. I was in love with Alex, I just wouldn't and couldn't admit it. Not yet anyways.

I broke the kiss and just looked at him, my body was completely relaxed, my mind was relaxed, but I had a raging boner that would not relax. I knew he felt it and I blushed.

"I don't know how you can do that with just a kiss," I whispered, my head slowly getting closer to his.

"I don't know, but you manage to do it to me too," he moved closer and I could feel his excitement against me. I leaned in and kissed him, not wanting it to go much farther.

"We can't do anything while my mom's awake."

"No worries baby, I just want to be near you," he always managed to charm me with such simple words. I tried to suppress a yawn but I couldn't, he saw it and smiled. "It's been a long day, maybe we should just sleep and we can wake up in the morning and have fun if you want to."

I smiled at him and pushed him so that he would roll over, he got the hint and switched onto his other side, I moved up close behind him and wrapped one arm around him and slid the other one under his neck. I pulled Alex tight against me and wiggled a bit, my dick moving a bit and resting in between his cheeks. I just wanted to be close to him. I pulled the blanket up tight around us and held him tightly. I slowed my breathing and was just starting to drift to sleep when I heard, "I love you."

I tensed up a bit, but then relaxed and kissed the back of Alex's head. I whispered, "I love you too."

"I thought you were asleep, you little shit," he playfully slapped my arm and I smiled, pulling him in tighter. "Sleep baby, you need it."

I nodded even though he couldn't see it and started to drift to sleep again, I kept him tight against me as I dozed and then I finally drifted into a deep sleep. I snored softly as I slept and I didn't feel Alex get up and leave the bed.

I awoke halfway through the night and checked the alarm clock, I reached over to grab Alex and didn't feel him there. I stood from my bed and left my room.

"Alex?" I called out quietly. Where could he be? I continued my trek through my house, down the staircase and to the living room. Sitting there on the couch was Alex, watching the tv which had the volume so low it might as well have been off. I walked over to the couch and sat beside him.

"Alex?" I whispered.

"Mhm?"

"What's wrong?"

"I just wasn't tired."

"Bullshit, what's wrong?" Alex looked at me and I could see his eyes were red and puffy. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against me. "Tell me what's bugging you."

"I told my manager about you, after you went to sleep, and he flipped on me. Told me that he couldn't manage a fag and all this other stuff. What if he outs me? What am I gonna do?" I stroked his hair and his back gently.

"You're gonna hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. I doubt he actually feels that way, it might just take him a bit to get used to the situation. You have to be considerate and give him just a bit of time. Did you tell anyone else while I was sleeping?" He nodded and ran off his list of everyone he told, I was shocked. I had only told Beth and my mom. He had told 10 or 12 people, in like 4 hours. My god, no wonder he was so upset. I could do nothing but hold him and console him while he cried and told me about how each of them had gone. It seemed as thought they were all supportive except for his manager. "Alex, your handlers like you, they're going to support you, you'll be okay. Your manager will learn to either deal with it, or you'll find a new one. I'm sure that he won't be too thrilled about being fired if he doesn't straighten out. I'm sorry that you're going through this. But you need sleep and so do I, so let's go upstairs and we'll go to sleep and tomorrow we'll talk to my mom about this, and maybe my dad as well. Maybe there's something that we can do. I know you're scared, I'm scared too, but it'll be okay."

I was rambling and he shut me up by kissing me. I had no defense against him when he did this, I nodded a bit and stood up. I held out my hand, nothing was needed to be said and we walked up to my room together, we laid down and this time I laid down on top of him while he wrapped his legs around my waist. I leaned in and kissed him deeply while grinding against him just slightly. I knew he needed to release a lot of pent up frustration and the best way to do that was to get him to cum. Well, I thought so anyways. When he pulled back from the kiss he shook his head a bit.

"I don't want to do anything sexual, I want you and I to cuddle and relax, and act like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I just want you and nobody else. I just...I need you to be okay with this right now. Just me and you and nothing sexual," he was whispering and by the end, I could hardly hear him.

"Baby, I'm okay with no sex, I just thought that you'd want a release. It's fine baby," I kissed him again then rolled over, off of him and onto my back. "Come here."

He crawled into my open arms and made himself comfortable, his head laying on my chest. I had my arms loosely wrapped around Alex and one of my hands stroked through his hair slowly and carefully.

"I'm not going to leave you stranded, just like you won't leave me, were a team baby. And as long as you'll have me, I'll be here. Even when or if you don't want me anymore, I'll still be here. I'll always be here, Alex," I kept stroking his hair and holding him close to me. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want to have to leave him. I wanted to be happy and content in his arms, forever.

"I will never not want you," he confused me a bit and he smiled when he realized it. I loved the feel of him in my arms and that's all I was focusing on.

"Alex, you need to sleep. I'll stay up until I know you're asleep. Deal?"

"No, you sleep too."

"I will sleep, I just don't want you to get up again, I'll sleep as soon as I know you're asleep," I was already yawning and he was starting to fade as well.

"I love you," I heard him whisper, I smiled and repeated the sentiment and then fell asleep, with him in my arms.

This time, Alex didn't leave my arms. He stayed glue to me all night, like I was his lifeline. He stayed attached to me like if he moved, even an inch, he was going to die or he was going to hurt.

That night we slept peacefully. In fact, the best I've ever slept, knowing that we loved each other and nothing was going to change that.

Not a goddamn thing could get in the way of the man that I loved. Not his manager, not his career, not his fans. Nothing would get in the way of the way that this man made me feel. Nothing was going to get in the way of the way he made me feel, the way that I felt alive when I was with him and like a part of me was missing when he was gone. I couldn't stand to be apart from him. Even through text and I just...I needed him. He was as much my lifeline as I was his. I wanted nothing more than to stay in this bed with him for ever. I never wanted to leave his side, physically and metaphorically. I wanted him with me at all times. I needed him with me. I needed his love, I needed his presence in my life. I knew that it had only been a short time since I had even met him but I just could not stand him being away from me ever. He was my man. My love. My best friend. My confidante. My everything. And this had all started two weeks ago. And it would continue for the rest of my life. I'd never felt this way about anyone ever, I had never kissed anyone before him and I never wanted to kiss another person. He was perfect in everyway and perfect for me.

With him by my side, I could face anything. I could do anything with him near me. He gave me a strength that I had never known. I felt so...powerful now, like nothing would stop me. He was mine and no one could stop me from keeping him in my life. I couldn't believe that this gorgeous man was mine and he had told people about me when I had only told two people, and I felt horrible but I just...I didn't want to ruin his life. I think it was more important for me to keep it a secret than for him. He knew who he could trust and tell and he didn't know if he could trust my friends, which is perfectly fine. I knew who I could trust and that is why I only told Beth. Beth was the only one that would know about him for awhile, until I could gather the balls to make sure Christine and Jessy kept it a secret, or until Alex came out publicly and they found out that way. I was hoping that I would be able to trust them enough but with the way the world is today, you never know.

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As always, send me an email with any comments, concerns, questions, anything! Let me know!!!!! <3 keeganjones@hotmail.ca