This is a work of fiction which should not be construed to imply anything about the sexual orientation of any of the characters, whether fictional or real. It is purely a fantasy and should be considered in that light. The story describes explicit sexual acts between consenting adults and if you are offended by such, then you should read no further. It is a takeoff on the series Lois and Clark and The X Files.
Superman and characters are trademarks of and copyright DC Comics.
The X-Files and characters are trademarks of and copyright Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.
Proposed Fantasy Cast:
Clark Kent/Superman: Dean Cain
Lois Lane: Terri Hatcher
Fox Mulder: David Duchovny
Agent Scully: Gillian Anderson
The Divine Miss M: Bette Midler
Antonio: Antonio Sabato, Jr.
Ryder: Mark Wahlberg

`What is he thinking?' Lois wondered. `He's been ignoring me all morning, sitting there with that dopey grin on his face. That tent in his Calvins better mean that he's thinking of me. We haven't done it in weeks.'


"Wha..What? Did you say something, Lois?"

"Oh no, I just felt like yelling at you. I've been trying to tell you that we're going to be late for our meeting with Special Agents Mulder and Scully. But you apparently have other things on your mind as evidenced by that woody you've sprouted. Now be a good husband and tell me you were thinking of me."

"Certainly I was thinking of you, Lois, and only you!" -- `YIKES! That was close,' Clark thought. `If she knew who I was really thinking about, she'd kill me, assuming she could.' ... "I'm sorry Honey. Let's go. We don't want to keep the special agents waiting."

`Especially not Fox,' he mused, the dopey grin returning to his face along with the stirring in his groin. Things had been troublesome in the marriage department since Special Agent Mulder entered their lives last week seeking their assistance in investigating a possible Alien abduction in Metropolis.


A male dancer had been found naked and incoherent in a park in the gay district under extremely suspicious circumstances. The young man, Ryder, was described by his friends as having his head on straight since he had no use for drugs and drank alcohol only in moderation. But when Ryder was found, he was dazed and wild-eyed and was mumbling something about a red headed woman clouded in a lavender mist, and he was pleading over and over "I can't cum anymore!" Investigating officers were up against a young man who had lost all memory of where he'd been since leaving work at The Silver Spike two nights before and of how he'd come to be wandering in the park at dawn naked. Fox Mulder, or "Spooky" Mulder as the FBI Special Agent was known by his peers in The Bureau, was convinced that there was an X File to be investigated. And being unfamiliar with Metropolis, Mulder opted to contact the renowned investigative reporting team of Lois Lane and Clark Kent of The Daily Planet for assistance.

Mulder knew, of course, that the famous pair were husband and wife, but he couldn't deny the immediate attraction he felt upon meeting the hunky Clark. New to dating men, Mulder had been forced out of his closet the year before by his old nemesis and fellow agent, "The Rat Bastard" Krycek, who had drugged and had his way with him. Mulder had to come to terms with his suppressed sexuality after that. The sex with "Rat Boy" had been all too enjoyable, despite his coming out not being in the best of circumstances. He'd subsequently been sexually involved with his boss, Assistant Director Skinner, but still carried on the old familiar and habitual flirtation with his partner, Agent Dana Scully. Mulder was certain that Scully knew he loved her dearly, but he hoped that she realized his affection was strictly platonic.


"You're awfully quiet," Lois said on the way to the rendezvous. "Thinking about the case and Ryder's missing 48 hours?"

"Yes, there are just so many things that could have happened to him and I'm not convinced he was abducted."

`Close again,' Clark thought after just lying to Lois. He'd actually been thinking about his recently discovered attraction to men, to one man in particular. FOX! Oh sure, like every man, Clark had appreciated bonding with other guys and doing guy stuff. But this was different, he'd felt like jumping this guy's bones the minute he laid his x-ray vision on him. `Ryder's missing 48 hours' Lois had just said. Clark wondered if Ryder's lavender experience had anything to do with his own feelings now. Coincidentally, there had been a peculiar lavender aura in the news room moments before Fox stepped off the elevator. And he'd noticed the same lavender glow off and on for days before and every day since then. He'd also noticed changes in other young men that he knew. Jimmy Olsen, for instance, could hardly keep his hands off Clark, always touching his bicep while speaking to him, and looking dreamily into his eyes. The other young male reporters, who were blatantly pursuing one another now, had been, as far as he knew, "ladies' men" before he noticed the mysterious lavender light. Yes, it was strange. But when it came to his feelings for Fox, lavender connection or not, it felt so right, even though he knew it must be wrong.

Clark's wool gathering moved on to the more intimate moments of that first night with Fox. They'd met after work for a drink so that Clark could brief the Special Agent on his scant knowledge of Metropolis' gay subculture. Fox's partner, Scully had arranged a similar meeting with Lois at another watering hole for the same purpose. Funny how natural it felt using Dana Scully's last name when thinking of her, whereas Mulder could only be Fox. `And what a fox!!' ... `UH! OH! Better watch it.' ... Lois might be driving, but she still would notice if he tented his Calvins again. Clark then moved his brief case onto his lap and pretended to be studying his notes. `That should do it.' With a good twenty more minutes in this traffic, he was anxious to replay the events following that drink.


Everyone seemed to notice the two good looking young men, despite their sitting alone in the dark corner of the bar. Both were handsome twenty-somethings with dark hair and good features. One was pale and slighter of build, and by his charcoal gray suit, it wasn't a tough guess that he was a Fed. The other, who was muscular and preppy looking, wore dark rimmed glasses, which didn't detract from his boyish good looks, but rather added an impression of intelligence, if you can tell that sort of thing by appearance. They sat across from one another, slowly sipping their drinks, and seemed to be talking intently, but quietly.

Frequent smiles and meaningful looks followed what had started out as a serious discussion of the complexities of Ryder's case. Mulder found himself quickly charmed by the good looking reporter and, before he knew it, was sharing information that the professional in him said should be confidential. Clark, although interested in getting information about the Ryder phenomenon, wanted more from Fox. Who was he? What was he like? Clearly enamored with the quiet-spoken Fed, Clark, with the unconscious ease of an expert interviewer, was able to elicit personal revelations in short order.

Mulder, aware that his sexual preference, be it known, could jeopardize his career, found himself opening up to Clark about his attraction to men, to one man in particular, whom he'd met only recently in the line of duty. Clark's heart skipped a beat and he knew that Fox meant him. The only comparison he had for the joy he felt at this moment was when Lois finally admitted that she loved him and accepted his proposal of marriage. His love for Lois hadn't changed and he was sure that what he was feeling for Fox right now had nothing to do with that. Was there only enough love in his heart for one? He used to think so, but now he wasn't so certain.

"HELP! HELP!" was the familiar cry, heard only by the extra sensitive ears of Superman, and Clark was quite used to picking it up out of the blue. Before Lois knew about his secret identity, it infuriated her that Clark was always dashing off with some lame excuse, just when it was most inconvenient for her. Superman was hearing that cry now and clearly didn't want to tear himself away from his new friend. Mulder noticed a sudden change in Clark's expression seconds before the reporter announced that he had to run a quick errand for Lois. "But please don't leave!" Clark begged, "Because I will only be gone for a few minutes. Say you'll be here!" And Mulder assured him he was going nowhere. And it was true. Wild elephants stampeding through the bar would not have dislodged him.

Racing from the bar, pulling at his tie and shirt, Clark was gone in a flash and Superman was airborne. It took only a few minutes, as he had promised, to run his errand or, more exactly, to waylay and subdue a purse snatcher who'd slapped a little old lady not wanting to part with her money. In record time, the mugger was in custody at the local precinct, the little old lady was in a taxi, and Clark was rushing back to Fox.

It was agreed to continue the discussion at Mulder's hotel room, so they left the bar for the Holiday Inn. Mulder would have preferred the Hyatt, but the Federal per diem just didn't stretch that far, not at his grade anyway.

Clark was a little uneasy. He thought he knew where this was going, although officially they were only continuing their case discussion. Did he want to do this? Yes, he had to have Fox, even if he didn't quite know what to do.

Mulder was equally uncertain, although not about what he wanted, but about whether it was attainable. He sensed that Clark shared his desire, but doubted that he would ever act on it. Mulder, suspecting that he was the experienced one in this equation, would have to take the lead himself, even though he preferred being the one seduced.

Moments later, it was with relief that Clark allowed himself to be gathered into Fox' arms. The not so subtle move had been made and he didn't have initiate it. They stood there locked in an embrace, firmly pressing chests, hips and thighs together, their hands exploring muscular backs and cupping firm buttocks. Then they kissed, shyly at first, lips still closed, until Mulder probed his tongue deeply between Clark's, seeking entry. Clark gratefully allowed him in and Mulder continued the oral exploration, his tongue caressing and savoring Clark's. Their closely meshed cocks were throbbing by this time and straining the fabric separating their bodies, seeking relief, seeking each other.

Suddenly Clark tensed, realizing that he couldn't remove his clothes in front of Fox since he always wore his super-hero uniform underneath. Excusing himself to the bathroom, Clark tore out of his clothes, quietly pulled the vent from the ceiling, stuffed the costume inside, and redressed, as quickly as only Superman could, in his preppy outfit. He was careful to make flushing and washing up sounds to cover for his absence.

Mulder had moved to the bed and was stretched out in only his white jockey shorts, the fly of his briefs straining to contain an impressively growing erection. The bed covers had been pulled down invitingly. Clark, impressed with Fox' long and lean swimmer's physique, jokingly expressed that he felt overdressed.

"I'll take care of that," said Mulder as he moved with a fluid grace from the bed to stand before Clark. Proficient hands disengaged clothing, carefully, so as to not wrinkle the package, even though Mulder hungered for the precious gift within. The button-down Oxford shirt and tie were, in short, order draped on a desk chair. Clark held Fox' gaze as the G Man loosened his belt and lowered his zipper. His cock, aching and leaping with desire, deposited a moist dollop of pre-cum which stained clear through to the front of his khaki trousers. The front of Fox' briefs seemed alive with movement as well, as his cock pulsed and stretched for freedom, and Clark, unable to resist looking, noticed that Fox also had a tell-tale leakage against the brilliant white material.

Kneeling now, Mulder lowered the slacks carefully, followed by the Calvins. Clark's nine inch cock sprang to life before his amazed eyes and left him thinking, `Whatever will I do with that?' Mulder grasped the organ lovingly and was barely able to encircle it since it was as big in circumference as his wrist. He moved the foreskin easily up the thickly veined shaft to cover the swollen glans while cupping Clark's loose hanging balls in the other hand, appreciating the weight of the plum-sized orbs freely shifting in their almost hairless sac. Framing the impressive genitals was a bush of soft and silky, coal black pubic hair. Mulder moved his face into the moist heat of the privates, taking in the musky aroma. It was a pleasing mixture of sweat, piss and the natural maleness that was Clark, who had worked a long day after a very early morning shower. Mulder knelt there, savoring the experience, his cheek pressed into Clark's groin as he looked up admiringly at the man's body. The patrician head was perched atop a thick neck, and above broad shoulders that framed a chest the like of which Mulder had never seen. Pectorals were sculpted and defined in a way that would put Michelangelo to shame and were accented by dark quarter-sized aureoles from which erect nipples protruded in impressive spikes. The chest was tanned and hairless and the stomach was flat and rippled like the proverbial washboard.

Mulder rose from his crouch and kissed Clark passionately, sending his tongue deeply into Clark's mouth and then sucking Clark's tongue into his, their saliva intermingling and flowing back and forth. Clark certainly enjoyed the attention and could have been content to swap spit with Fox all evening, had he not wanted to experience his body further. He began by lowering the label side of Fox' briefs below his ass cheeks and kneading the firm globes before moving his powerful, but gentle hands around to the front to pull the band below his cock and balls. Clark had never felt another man's body in this way, and it was an incredibly wonderful sensation which he, an award winning journalist, would never find words to describe. Toying with Fox' erection, Clark loved feeling the pulsing shaft twitch in response to his touch. Bringing the foreskin over the end, he pulled and pinched it closed, only to reverse and jack downward toward the low hanging scrotal sac, cupped now in his other hand which was busily caressing the loosely moving balls.

His breath growing rapid, Mulder was afraid that he would spill his load right then, so he removed Clark's hand and abandoned his sweet mouth to further explore and savor the young reporter. Moving slowly down, licking with his tongue and nipping with his teeth, he was amazed at the firmness of Clark's flesh, almost unnaturally firm, as if made of steel, but still warm and smooth and sensuous. Mulder spared no part of Clark, as he bathed him lovingly with his tongue, washing down the tangy arm pits, nipples, and taut abdomen. He paid particular attention to Clark's belly button, an outie which he sucked and nursed as if it were a nipple.

Clark sat on the bed and allowed Fox to strip off his shoes, socks, pants and Calvins. Mulder parted Clark's legs and positioned his body between them, knowing that it was time to figure out what to do with "IT". But he found that he knew exactly what to do and continued the tongue bath that earlier had Clark writhing under the upper body attack. Clark, who laid back on the bed in a pose of surrender, groaned in appreciation as Fox' tongue glided over the smooth head, half concealed by the generous foreskin. Mulder retracted the skin and bathed the purple knob lovingly, then returned the foreskin over the end and inserted his tongue inside, swirling it around to collect the pre-cum being churned up from the massive balls. Bracing himself, he stretched his jaws wide, relaxed his throat and took ¾ of the shaft in one rapid plunge toward the silky dark bush. Clark gasped and bucked his body, squeezing his knees together which trapped the startled Fox. Hearing his muffled cry, Clark made a mental note to himself to watch the super strength business and relaxed his vice like grip. Mulder, regaining his breath, continued by abandoning the shaft for the eggs below. He swirled them in his hot mouth, one at a time, bathing them in his saliva, tasting the flavor that was Clark, finally lifting them to venture further below with his tongue. The ridge of flesh connecting scrotum to ass was exquisitely sensitive to Clark who bucked again, this time sparing Fox the painful leg embrace.

Mulder yearned for more and lifted both of Clark's legs by gripping behind each thigh and introducing knees to chest, rewarding himself with a view of a hair-lined cleft punctuated by a dusky anus, puckered tightly to protect the delicate channel within. He moved closer, inhaling the sensuous male aroma, and pressed his face tightly to Clark's ass. Lovingly his lips, nose, eyelashes, cheeks, and chin, grazed and caressed and absorbed Clark's clean manly scent before he treated himself to a taste by using his tongue to thoroughly bathe the muscular crevice and probe stiffly into the chute. Clark had never received this kind of attention from Lois, but instinctively relaxed his asshole to take more of the invader. Mulder pulled back to observe the sensitive flesh open and close, and using a thumbnail, teased the spasming orifice which was winking and flirting at him with desire. He plunged again, delving far deeper and swirling his tongue inside the velvet lined canal.

Sensing that Clark was now well primed and ready for anything, Mulder moved up and lay on top of his beefy frame, grinding his hips into Clark's. Confined together now, the two sensitive cocks trapped between were getting seriously acquainted. Reaching between them with both hands to capture the throbbing organs, Mulder began a jacking motion and was rewarded by generous amounts of pre-cum which lubricated and further enhanced the sensation. Clark, who had really gotten into sucking face, could taste himself in Fox' kisses, the G Man having so recently rimmed his willing hole.

Their dueling tongues finally declared it a draw as Mulder pulled Clark to the side, assuming a 69 position. For Clark it was now or never, and there was no option that it would be never. Clark's tongue had been primed for a more serious reward and followed an instinctive path on Fox' dick from his balls to piss slit, licking up and savoring all secretions and tastes. Overwhelmed with a desire to completely consume Fox, Clark took the special agent's hard and throbbing cock deep into his throat. After only a brief urge to gag, he began sucking, moving up and down the love tube, closing his lips around the glans and plunging his mouth again to the base. He teased Fox' generous foreskin, nipping it with his teeth to stretch it as far as Fox' cock would allow. Gripping the shaft with his right hand, Clark's mouth and hand worked in unison, the saliva providing a slick lubricant for the caressing fingers to travel without resistance along the glistening shaft. Mulder groaned in appreciation but couldn't speak, since his throat was blocked by the bulbous helmet of Clark's blood-engorged cock. Fox' reciprocation of technique on the Super Hero's organ was acknowledgment to Clark that he had done well as a novice cocksucker.

The two occupied themselves in that fashion for several minutes, pushing each other to new heights and retreating when the risk of blasting their loads was too great. Then, as if choreographed by an unseen director, their 69 position tightened remarkably as they moved their oral attentions in unison, down and under their scrotums, and over their sensitive perineums to their pulsating ass holes which were waiting patiently for attention. Mulder on bottom, had his feet in the air and knees to either side of Clark as he felt his ass being raised to Clark's face. Greeting him was a manly scent created by the special agent's privates having been incarcerated all day in tight jockeys under baggy charcoal gray slacks. Lapping up the experience, Clark buried his face in the hairy crevice, using his hands to pull the cheeks apart to expose the rosy pink anus. His tongue bathed the masculine crack from the base of Fox' nuts to the tip of his spine, finally settling in it's goal of the silky hole. Clark knew what to do, having so enjoyed Fox' earlier attentions, and swirled his tongue over the puckered orifice until it relaxed its tone to receive his erect appendage as far as it could extend from his dripping mouth. Clark's butt hole, having already been bathed clean by Mulder's spit, once again got attention as Mulder grasped Clark's butt with his hands to raise his shoulders, neck and head from the bed to bury his face in Clark's anal cleft.

The unseen choreographer again had the pair return to their aching cocks, aware that they couldn't hold out much longer. Mulder was eagerly looking forward to tasting Clark's cum, but Clark was careful as he approached climax, knowing that the speed which his ejaculate might reach would injure this precious and vulnerable earthling. It was something he had to constantly be cautious about when doing it with Lois. If they ever conceived a child he would have to manipulate some of his sperm digitally to her awaiting egg.

Just as Mulder groaned and began spurting streams of starchy fluid down Clark's throat, Clark withdrew his own cock and pointed it safely away from the man. With a tremendous spasm his body stiffened as his weapon jettisoned a dozen volleys of semen across the room. The television screen exploded with glass flying and Mulder, alarmed, scrambled for his gun.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" exclaimed Mulder as his lingering sexual desire, evidenced by the erection preceding him, was overpowered by professionalism as he scanned the room for intruders.

"Relax Fox!" Clark reassured. "It's probably nothing. There's no one here but you and me. These older hotels are notorious for power surges. I know it's freaky, but investigate later."

Mulder acquiesced and returned to the bed and Clark's waiting arms where they cuddled and caressed, speaking softly to each other as they continued getting acquainted.

Clark, as he stroked and petted Fox, chastised himself for his careless aim. At home he could hit a nearby steel bucket, but this time he'd been so carried away, he'd barely disengaged from Fox in time. Of course, there was the additional factor of abstinence accounting for the increased velocity, since he and Lois hadn't done it in weeks.

Post coital satisfaction soon turned into foreplay and Clark and Mulder were again kissing and re-exploring each other at a pace less frantic and more intent on pleasing the other. Mulder moved astraddle Clark's torso, bent low and nibbled on Clark's lips, then placed loving kisses everywhere on the stud's face. Although appreciating the attention, Clark was ready for Fox' uncut dick to once again caress the back of his throat and he used his powerful hands to pull Fox' ass forward across his chest and took the tool in hungrily. Smiling at the sight of his dick sliding in and out Clark's beautiful bobbing head, Mulder began fucking motions, slightly grazing Clark's teeth with each thrust, causing exquisite sensations to his throbbing dorsal vein.

Licking the palm of his right hand, Mulder arched his back and reached behind to grasp Clark's hard cock. After repeating the lubricating efforts several times, Mulder's hand slid easily, mixing with the copious pre-seminal fluids which Clark was contributing to the effort. Raising his butt slightly, he used more spit to lubricate his ass hole, inserting one, two, then three fingers up his own chute. When he felt that he was ready, Mulder backed himself down Clark's frame and pressed Clark's massive dick head against his still resisting hole. The pain was great, but Mulder employed special breathing techniques learned in Tibet to relax himself. The resistance now gone, he began his descent, his sphincter stretching to accommodate the gigantic intruder. Easing carefully down toward Clark's hips, Mulder felt his prostate nudged by Clark's steely cock, causing his own erection to leap in grateful response. It took no special effort now to sit himself down against the tickling bush, and his bowels were now filled with Clark's shaft. Raising himself carefully, Mulder pulled up, leaving only the head gripped by his tight sphincter. Satisfied that everything would be just fine, he began fucking in earnest.

Clark watched in amazement as Fox bounced his ass up and down on his cock. Lois had never taken all of him as Fox was now doing. The amazement turned to lust and he began moving his hips up to greet the descending Fox, making it a mutual fuck. The slapping sounds of skin meeting skin continued as the two fucked. Clark savored the sensation as long as he could, knowing that he held Fox' life impaled on his dangerous weapon and the blast of his orgasm would give new meaning to the term `Dick of Death.' Clark kissed Fox as he pulled him to safety and asked that he be fucked now. Mulder acquiesced by dismounting from his saddle position, and turned Clark on his side to move in behind him. He spit on his hand and rubbed it onto his own cock and also into Clark's hole. Unaware that he could cause no pain to Clark, Mulder proceeded cautiously, pressing his cock slowly against the inviting orifice. Clark, however, was impatient and pushed his ass forcefully back, sheathing Fox' dagger to the hilt. Comfortable that this was a safe position for his partner, Clark guided Fox' trembling hand to his aching dick. Mulder jacked the tool as he fucked Clark's ass, plunging his cock against the Super Hero's prostate and, with only a few more strokes of Fox' milking hand, Clark was sent over the precipice. The less forceful eruption only hit the distant wall this time, not even tearing the wallpaper. "Oh God, don't stop!" Clark was pleading as Mulder approached and careened over his own edge, releasing spurt after spurt of cum up Clark's insatiable rectum. Lubricated now by his own spunk, Mulder didn't stop and, in minutes, the sensations to his appreciative organ caused him to climax again, triggering another blast from Clark, as well. Thoroughly spent, the lovers lay in each other's arms, tightly entwined in a comfortable silence.

"What are you doing?" Clark asked as he watched Fox tugging away at his genital bush.

"I've never done this without getting pubic hair caught in my teeth, but you didn't seem to lose any. I was just try"ing to take a souvenir."

"Well, you're obviously not getting the right one. Let me help." Clark then plucked a long black silky pubic hair from his groin, something he knew Fox could try all night and never accomplish.

"Thanks," Mulder responded as he placed it in his mouth and caressed it with his tongue, smiling now that he had his prize.

"As much as I want to stay, Fox, you know that I have to be going now."

Mulder acknowledged this and helped Clark retrieve his preppy attire. Clark carried it into the bathroom and once again, made washing sounds as he donned his super-hero uniform.

Unbeknownst to Clark while reminiscing about all of this, after he'd left that night Mulder inspected the television, flicking what appeared to be dried semen from the shattered screen. He noticed another patch of the white flaky stuff on the far wall. Curious now, Mulder took a pair of fingernail clippers and proceeded to cut the pubic hair which he picked from his tongue. He was amazed when the clippers fell apart in his hand while the pubic hair remained unscathed. "Spooky" Mulder grinned as he nodded to himself in a knowing way.


"You've got that dopey grin again," Lois accused.

"Just thinking about the person I love." Clark was truthful this time. "You know it's getting close to our anniversary," he continued, changing the subject. "This year has gone so fast."

Lois acknowledged this as she pulled up to the Holiday Inn.

Mulder opened after their first knock. Scully was already there. Noticing the shattered television, Lois inquired as to whether he'd had any trouble.

"Just a little alien encounter," he joked. Lois chuckled at this since everyone knew that Special Agent Mulder saw aliens behind everything. Mulder, noticing that Clark looked a little green, smiled and told the pair how good it was to see them again.

Getting down to basics, they began debriefing on the results of their respective investigations into the mysterious lavender light. By now, the special agents were sure it was connected in some manner to the Divine Miss M, an aging pop diva/comedienne who had amassed enormous wealth over the years from concerts, records and movies. The riotously funny eccentric had begun her professional career at the Continental Baths in New York in the late sixties, early seventies. The Continental Bath House was a gay establishment where men went to associate with one another, relax and enjoy an evening's entertainment, followed by orgiastic sex in the circuitous maze of rooms and hallways just off the pool, steam room and sauna. The men wore only towels as they listened to their Divine Miss M belt out her songs and jokes. The Diva went on to a fabulous career, but always remembered her beloved gay boys who gave her a start in show business by awarding her their hearts. It was those early fans that she valued most, to the point of obsession.

"But what is the significance of the lavender glow appearing frequently all over the city?" inquired Lois.

Mulder answered with a question. "Haven't you noticed any strange behavior among the young men of your acquaintance?"

"Well, yes," Lois agreed. "They seem to be paying an inordinate amount of attention to each other, come to think of it. It's almost like everyone is turning gay. Everyone but Clark, that is. No problem there."

Mulder noticed Clark looked greener than ever and decided to rescue him with possible reasons for his recent inversion. "We think, we're sure that is, that it has something to do with this," Mulder explained as he withdrew a glowing pink rock from his jacket pocket.

"What is it?" Clark asked while discreetly examining it with his x-ray vision.

"It's believed to be Kryptonite," Scully jumped in. "We've established that it fell to earth last year and the only known supply comes from a crater in Siberia. The Divine Miss M has been buying up huge quantities of the mineral and having it shipped right here to Metropolis. We also know that she has an internationally known laser scientist in her employ, which accounts for the lavender emanations covering the city."

"But Kryptonite is green or sometimes red," Clark countered. "And only Superman is susceptible to it."

"To those two types, that is true. Only Superman is susceptible," Mulder agreed.

"The theory is, and it's only a theory," Scully continued, " that Pink Kryptonite somehow inversely affects the sex drives of young healthy males, generally below the age of thirty, making them desire only each other, while abandoning their interest in the opposite sex. This could take years to research, and I'm not firmly convinced that there's not some rational explanation for all of this," she added, being forever the skeptic.

"But what about Ryder? What was that all about?" Lois wondered.

"We believe that Miss M-- I refuse to call her Divine -- was still in the testing stage of using the Kryptonite to her advantage and needed a human guinea pig to see how well it worked," Mulder explained.

"But he was already gay," Clark challenged. "He had been dancing at that gay club for months."

"It doesn't take a gay man to dance at a gay club," Fox disagreed. "It's well known that half of all male hustlers are heterosexuals, who use their good looks and firm young bodies to profit from gay men who generally have good paying jobs and are generous with their tips. Most are known to have girlfriends and sometimes secretly despise the very men with whom they have sex. Ryder, specifically, is not a known prostitute, only a dancer. He denies that he's gay and gave us a collateral reference in his girlfriend who supports his claim. She's always known that he's danced at the club and was usually in the crowd. But not that night, however."

"I'm not convinced that Ryder isn't bisexual," Scully said, trying to add some doubt that he hadn't willingly gone off with an admirer that night. "I do admit that we haven't found any collateral sources who can support this, however," she relented.

"But what is her agenda?" Clark wanted to know.

"Miss M is believed to not be playing with a full deck. She glories in her role as the consummate `Fag Hag' which is a term used in the gay community to describe a woman who obtains social gratification from constantly being in the company of gay men. Our theory is that Miss M has taken it to extremes, however, and wants all good looking young men to be gay, admire her and be her friends," Mulder explained. "We're on our way to confront her and confiscate the Pink Kryptonite. Want to come along? We're taking Ryder since this could be very therapeutic for him."

"Sure," Clark said, his color returning now while feeling mixed emotions about his recent experience, unlike his earlier lusty reminiscences in the car.

"It's a great story," Lois enthused. "Count us in."


Having collected Ryder, the government issue van pulled up to the Southside warehouse serving as the headquarters for the Divine Miss M's nefarious escapades. Out onto the curb were deposited Mr. and Mrs. Kent, Mulder, Scully and Ryder. A second van spilled the contingency troops, crack federal sharp shooters, the best the FBI had to offer. They met with no resistance, however. The doors were unlocked, and inside they found the Divine Miss M performing one of her famous routines, "I Cast a Spell On You," surrounded by hordes of adoring young specimens of the male persuasion, who alternated their attentions between her and each other. All of the young men, with the exception of one handsome bronze Italian who was wearing only a pair of white Calvin briefs, were attired in skimpy pink G Strings and erections were protruding from those who were locked in intimate embraces. Fortunately, they all had the bodies for their state of exhibition.

"JIMMY!" Lois cried.

"Oh, Hi Lois! Let me introduce you to Antonio," Jimmy replied, obviously not embarrassed, even though he'd just removed his mouth from the stiff penis extending through the fly of the aforementioned Calvins, to acknowledge Lois.

"I know you -- you're the man who models for the Calvin Klein underwear ads," Clark stated.

"Yes," Lois agreed, "He's the reason I insisted you wear them." Clark did a double take at this, while Mulder snickered.

Their attention fastened on Jimmy and Antonio, no one noticed that Ryder was about to go ballistic until he lunged at Jimmy and slugged him in the mouth with his fist. With Jimmy out of the way now, on the floor that is, Ryder grabbed Antonio and passionately kissed him. Everyone looked on in amazement at the behavior of the not-gay go-go dancer.

"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Miss M screeched. "How DARE you interrupt an ARTISTE at work! ... BOYS!...Take FIVE!"

"Miss M, you're under arrest and your Pink Kryptonite is hereby confiscated," Mulder announced, getting officious now that he'd overcome an irresistible urge to burst out laughing. "We know all about your plot to turn young men gay. We just don't know why. Care to explain?"

"Well, I guess it's over. Why the Hell not? Sit down boys, take a load off. Miss Lane, you too, I guess. I never meant no harm. I just love my boys. That's all. The more the merrier. That's what I say. And it hurts to see them wasted on floozies like Miss Lane. No offense Hon! My main goal was SUPERMAN. To add him to my admirers would be the peace de resistance! Sure, he could continue saving the world, so long as he came home to ME at night, like my other boys here. That's it guys. No guns. No fireworks. No plot to rule the world. MY WORD OF HONOR!" The Divine Miss M was tearful now.

"We believe you Miss M," Mulder consoled. "But, we do have to take the Pink Kryptonite. You'll have to stand charges, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were only sentenced to therapy."


Two hours later, the Pink Kryptonite safely locked away in the vaults at Star Labs, and Miss M and her laser scientist on their way to the Federal Detention Center, Miss M's boys were beginning to recover. Jimmy Olsen, with a puzzled and sick expression, pushed an adoring young man away, just as the spurned suitor also seemed to snap out of it. Ryder also rejected someone with an angry shove, the devastatingly handsome Antonio, who only shrugged his shoulders as if to reply, "It's your loss."

"Thanks for all your help, you two," Mulder said to Lois and Clark.

"Yes, your knowledge of Metropolis' sub-cultures certainly speeded up this investigation," Scully agreed.

"Any time," Clark said.

"We should be thanking you for the story," said Lois, returning the compliment.


Two months later, Special Agent Mulder responded to a knock at the door of his Washington apartment.

"CLARK! What are you doing here?"

Grinning widely, and hoping it wasn't dopey looking, Clark explained. "Covering a Pentagon story, Fox. I'll be in town for two weeks and decided to look you up."

Leaving Clark seated on the sofa and telling him to make himself at home, Mulder went to the kitchen to prepare drinks. "WHAT ABOUT LOIS?!"

"You don't have to shout, Fox," Clark said softly as he moved in behind Mulder, encircling the man's waist with his powerful arms while spooning him from behind. "Lois is busy covering a breaking story in Metropolis. We don't always work as a team, even though most people are not aware of that."

"Mmmmmm." was all Mulder could manage at the moment, as he pressed back into Clark's comfortable chest.

"I happen to know that was not Kryptonite. I don't know what it was, but it was not Kryptonite. And besides, there's none here now," Clark expressed while gently running his caressing hands over Fox' pecs and taut stomach and finally downward to cup the special agent's growing basket through his Levi's.

"Clark, you're probably an X File all to yourself, but I love you," Mulder admitted before Clark covered his mouth with his own.

"Where's the bedroom, Fox?

"Follow me Clark -- Excuse me while I move the TV to the living room."

The End