The following is a complete work of fiction.
This is a parallel story of my "X Universe" series. Scott and Logan's story began in the first five chapters of "X-Love" by Tony Ryan, and continued into "Resolutions". This part of their story is running parallel with the end of Chapter 2 of "Resolutions." Please read the first five chapters of "X-Love" and through Chapter 2 of "Resolutions before starting this tale; things will make more sense that way.
The characters of this story are the exclusive property of their original authors, publishers and production companies. No assumption of copyright has been made in this work.
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X Universe - Rival Hearts
A Day for Seeing
I never thought I would be standing in the student dorms, staring at a door in the early morning light, fearing the reaction of a sixteen-year-old student. I'd been here, leaning against the wall, since dawn. With most of the school vacant for the holidays, the wait gave me nothing to do but think. My mind wandered to how I'd gotten to this point.
Daniel was one of the most amazing mutant kids I'd had the satisfaction and frustration of working with. We'd started off on the wrong foot. Mine had been in my mouth and his had been up his ass. Our egos had danced that way for quite a while. I shouldn't have laughed at his assertion of being a witch; he shouldn't have tried to prove he was. Of course, I came to learn that he was, in addition to everything else, a witch. That had shaken me to the core. The revelation, however, gave me something I hadn't had before. I had someone to talk to.
I became Dan's guidance counselor, his trainer and his friend. Dan talked to me about his loneliness, his fears, and his desires. I talked to him about Logan. When you're in a hidden relationship with another man, one whom you've spent years making people believe you despised, there weren't many people to talk to about it. Looking back, I realized that Logan and I hadn't fooled anyone. Hell, we hadn't even fooled Jean.
My breath caught in my throat as she came to mind. Jean. She had been my first and only love since we were in our teens. She hadn't been my first sexual encounter, but she had been the first person I'd made love to. Only Jean and the Professor had known what I'd had to do to survive on the streets. The Professor knew because he was the one to take me from that life. Jean knew because you couldn't keep secrets from a telepath who shared your bed. She was gone, and the rivalry that had kept me from admitting my attraction to Logan had died with her. I'd tried to keep up the facade. I was in mourning, I was lonely, I was in pain, and I'd never expected Logan to swing both ways.
What Dan was offering would have brought me nothing but joy when Jean was alive. To actually see her, to look in her eyes and to have her look into mine would have been worth anything. I'd never be able to do that. Dan had come along too little, too late. Of course, he hadn't made the offer because of Jean. He'd made the offer because he couldn't have the guy he loved and he wanted to give me a chance to look at the one in my life without any barriers.
Would I remember colors? Would my eyes even be able to see them again? Wiping a tear from my cheek, I realized I already knew the answer. Dan had already done it once.
He had looked at me with the most unusual expression last Friday after his training session. He'd impressed me. It wasn't every mutant who could take one of my optic blasts and twist it effortlessly into a glowing, crimson Celtic knot. He had his water bottle in his hand when he hit me with a question I'd never expected.
"Have you ever been able to look someone in the eyes?"
I nearly choked. Memories flooded back to when I was ten and hadn't manifested my powers yet. "Not since I was a kid. Until I met the professor, I couldn't even open my eyes. I had to keep them shut with a blindfold to prevent myself from hurting anyone." Though I'd worked up a good sweat, the weariness I felt had nothing to do with the training session.
"Would you like to?"
Years of inadequacy and resentment nearly burst through my control. I managed to limit myself to only snapping harshly at him, "Of course I would, but that doesn't change anything."
I started toward the door only to find myself lifted from the ground. The kid had way too many powers at his disposal. I needed to get out of there; I needed air.
"Daniel, this isn't funny!"
"I'm not joking." He walked around in front of me and asked again. "Would you like to?"
I think it was the sincerity in his face that stopped me from raging. Dan wanted to help, that was all. I nodded, letting the sense of hopelessness drain the fight from me. He let me back down. "I dream about it, Dan. I can't see colors you know. Everything is a shade of red."
"Take them off."
You'd have thought he'd asked me to tear off a nut at how quickly I grabbed at my visor. "NO!"
His pleading tone gripped at me. "Please; just look away and take them off. If I can't do it, I won't ask again. I think I can."
He had no idea what he was asking. The visor was my only safe guard, my only restrained, and my only crutch. I knew he could stop me from hurting him, that was never a concern. He was asking me to believe in something I'd given up on since before he'd been born. Even so, Dan had done and shown me things that were nothing short of unbelievable. A little part of me, the kid that wouldn't give up, answered for me.
I looked away, closed my eyes, and yanked off the fucking visor. How I could love and hate something as intensely as I did those damn things I'd never understand. My face felt so naked, almost vulnerable, as I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.
Everything was still red, but I couldn't feel the energy lashing out with my gaze. I blinked a few times, trying to figure out if it was real. I looked back at Dan. The skinny little kid had me trembling as he came closer and put his hands on the sides of my face. He acted like he was worried he would break me. I wasn't so sure he wouldn't.
It happened. Everything shifted in hue. It didn't look natural. Hell, it'd been so many years since my eyes had to actually process unfiltered light that I was sure the colors were all wrong. I was looking into Dan's freckled, pale, anxious face and the red was fading. His hair didn't fade. Red hair, green eyes... that's what Jean was supposed to have had.
"You've got great eyes..."
My gut clenched at his words and I slapped the visor back into place as I yanked myself from his hands. "Ok, Daniel. Stop it." I felt like someone had ripped out my intestines. It took everything I had not to double over. I turned away, but he didn't leave for a few moments.
"I wanted to give you something for all you've done." I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I wasn't about to let a student see me cry. "Will you think about it? I'd like to give you one day of living without the glasses." I heard him start for the door and stop. "I know if I had someone, someone I loved, I'd want to look him in the eyes just once."
I didn't know how I managed to make it back to the room. The journey from the basement levels to the second level was a blank. I started coming around after flushing the emptied remains of my lunch down the toilet. I didn't even make it to breakfast Saturday morning. I avoided everyone for the day. I wished I could have said that it was due to something like a hangover, but it wasn't. I was terrified of bumping into a skinny, freckle faced kid who was offering me something I'd tried to stop dreaming about but had never managed to. I'd almost forgotten what colors looked like. Those few moments on Friday had brought all the memories back.
I sat sleeplessly Saturday night, catching my reflection in the glass as I stared out the window, trying to figure out which star Jean was looking back at me from. I was pulled from the thought as Logan knocked on and opened the door. Normally I would have been irritated, but at least he'd knocked. To anyone else he'd have looked completely unmoved by seeing me with bed mussed hair, in my pajama bottoms and looking like I'd lost my best friend. I knew better. I should have; I'd been sleeping with the guy for over a year.
"Hey," Logan shut the door and stalked over to me, "what's wrong with you?" The deliberate slowness of his movements let me know that he was quickly going from curious to concerned.
"Just trying to figure some shit out." I looked back out the window. There was still that stubborn, alpha-male reaction I had to him. It didn't matter that I trusted the macho shit-head with my life. It didn't matter that I craved being the recipient of his lust and dominance as he reminded me over and over of how good it felt to have him in me. It didn't matter that his dogged determination to get into my pants had probably saved me from years of anguish over Jean. The conflict of our wills was as essential to our relationship as the kissing, fucking and rare moments of sincere need that defined the last year of our lives.
I was completely distracted by my thoughts when I felt his lips brush mine. Damn him; he knew kissing was the quickest and easiest way to get to me. I may have loved the feel of his body against mine, and had been ridden through countless mind blowing orgasms by that cock of his, but what had won me the very first time had been his kissing. It was the one thing Logan did that was all "Logan". The kissing wasn't sex; it was the elusive connection that kept me coming back for more. It was the promise that he felt something other than a desire to get into my "perfect ass" as he called it.
I moaned and melted against his lips. His tongue teased my mouth open, and I lost myself in his desire. The feeling shattered as I felt his fingers touch my glasses. I yanked back, "No."
He looked stunned. "What?" He sniffed and I knew he could smell it. I was scared. "What the fuck's wrong. You haven't been scared of this since the first time."
"Why'd you have to go for the glasses?" I couldn't believe I was shaking.
"Because they bang against my cheek," he snarled. "Not like you ever have your eyes open. The moment we start you clamp them shut."
He knew why I did it. If my glasses moved, or were jarred askew while my eyes were open, I could have hurt him or worse. For a brief moment, I realized it was more than that for him. Our eyes met, and I knew that while I could see into his eyes, he'd never seen into mine. It jarred me. Suddenly part of the wall between us made so much more sense.
"I'm sorry." I tried to hold his eyes, but there was no way to do it. You couldn't lock gazes when one of you had eyes that were never seen. "I didn't realize it meant that much."
He snarled and looked away. "It doesn't mean shit, Scott."
That hurt. He was Wolverine again. Whenever it came to his being emotionally vulnerable, whenever I saw something he didn't want me to see, the guard dog came back. I had no problem with "Wolverine," he was as sexy as he was irritating, and he was a damn great fuck. However, I loved Logan; he was the one I needed and the one I kept holding out for.
"Please, Logan, I need to know." I wouldn't have accepted Dan's offer on my own. I'd have done it in a heartbeat if it meant something to Logan.
I think he heard the need in my voice. I seldom ever let the desperation slip out. In addition to making me feel pathetic, it usually pissed him off.
"It doesn't matter what it means. It ain't going to change things." The frustration he let slip surprised me. Before I could respond, he was heading for the door.
I couldn't let him go, not with Dan's offer plaguing me. "What if it could?"
He stopped and bit at his cigar. He'd put it down to kiss me; sometimes I think the only reason he chewed on the damn thing so much was he couldn't spend his days chewing on mine. "I don't do 'what ifs'."
Standing up, I crossed the room and met his eyes. I realized it wasn't fair; he couldn't see mine in return. He couldn't see the need in them. Over the last year I'd learned to read his eyes. Hell, I'd learned to read his stance, his tone, the way his lips curled. He could have said "ugly grey day" and I could read that he was saying, "let's find some place to fuck". It was all part of "the game," and it was times like this when I wished we could communicate without playing it. "Do you want to see my eyes? It's a yes or no answer."
He stared at me, his frown deepening by the moment, and he set his jaw. "Yes." He yanked the door open, "Not that it does me any fucking good to admit it."
He didn't make it out the door. "Dan says he can do it."
That stopped him cold. I swear the blood drained from his face. "The fucker said what?"
I walked back into the room and sat back down in the window. The door shut, and Logan followed me. "You didn't answer me."
"Last night he made my eye blasts stop." I looked at him and tried suppress the sick feeling that came up when I thought about it. "I could see without the visor."
I could see the veins in his neck bulging. Logan didn't like Dan. He thought the kid was a Prima Dona who got too much special treatment. It hadn't helped matters that not two weeks earlier Dan had knocked me across the room with my own deflected optic blast by accident. Wolverine's battle rage had caught us all by surprise. I think if I hadn't yelled at him, he'd have killed Dan. That night had been one of the rare, tender times with Logan. It hadn't been about the fuck; he'd made love to me and held me as if he never wanted to let go. He hadn't said shit about it later, of course, but those rare moments of tenderness kept me from giving up on the relationship. Sex was great, but I needed more.
"That punk has nerve. He walks in, sets the fucking school on it's ear, and now he's offering miracles." He was practically chewing through the cigar as he spit out the words. What caught me was the anger in his voice.
"He isn't offering miracles. Dan controls energy. That's what my powers are."
"He's fucking playing you," Logan growled as he began to stalk, "No one does shit like that without strings."
I felt my hackles rising. I knew Dan; he would never do something like that. "You have no clue what makes Dan tick, Logan. All you ever do is spit and foam over how much special treatment we give him." I stood up. "Yeah, he gets special treatment. He gets it because if he doesn't get the training, if he doesn't learn control, he will hurt people without meaning to. All I have to do is close my eyes and people are safe. Rogue just has to keep her skin covered. Dan doesn't have those options. If he loses control, things happen."
"My heart's fucking bleed'n a river here."
I spit and waved at the door. "Get the fuck out of my room, Wolverine. If you can't address this like a fucking man, then leave and don't bother worrying about what I think. It's obvious you don't give a shit about my opinion anyway."
He snarled at me, but his eyes tried to lock with mine for a moment. He couldn't make contact. For that brief second, I could see there was more there, but he yanked his attention from me and went for the door. "Fine. I don't need this shit."
The slam of the door hurt. Why did it always have to be like that? Why couldn't he be vulnerable, at least in private? I wasn't asking him to give up his manhood or for him to turn bottom. Hell, though I was on the receiving end in our sex, I wasn't his fucking 'bottom'.
I spent the night regretting what I'd said. I really wanted Logan to hold onto. My dreams were anything but restful.
I left my room on Sunday, still trying to avoid Dan. I wasn't frightened, but I didn't have an answer. I'd hoped to bump into Logan, but I didn't see him. I was leaning on the counter in the teacher's kitchen late Sunday evening, drinking one of Logan's long necks, when Logan stalked in. Somehow it never failed that when I took a rare moment to enjoy a beer he would show up to witness or share in the experience.
"I just started this one," I tilted the bottle toward him. This was always a barometer as to how we were doing. If he was willing to share a bottle, we could talk. If not, I'd spend another night or two alone. I was relieved as he came over and his fingers wrapped about the bottle, the tips brushing mine. I let my fingers linger as he pulled the bottle from my grasp. His eyes didn't leave mine as he took a swig.
"I talked with the kid."
I hadn't expected that opening line. It took me a moment to find my voice. "And?"
"I think he's on the level." He tilted the bottle toward me, but I shook my head. I didn't want him to see my hands trembling. He took another swig and set the bottle down on the counter.
I swallowed as he leaned in, catching my scent. "What do you want, Logan. Don't fuck with me."
His lips were so damn close I could feel the heat off them. "Dan said you had great eyes." The way he said it made my cock twitch. "I want to see them for myself."
I'm not sure if he closed the gap or if I did, but his lips drew my breath out of me as he pressed our bodies together. I was so desperate I was practically humping against his jeans.
I pulled back, just far enough so I could catch my breath and whisper into his lips. "Stay tonight, Logan. I know it's stupid, but the offer scares the shit out of me."
I knew he knew, but it was important that I said it. If everything went as promised, tomorrow he'd be seeing all of me. There would be nothing left to hide.
"There's noth'n to be scared of." I wasn't so sure about that, but Logan spent half the night trying to fuck, suck and kiss my fears away. I lay there, wrapped up in his arms, as he snored, and realized I was still scared. Though he could read me like a book, he'd never been able to "read" my soul. My soul was hidden behind a thick layer of ruby quartz. That whole "eyes are the windows" thing was true in my book. Jean had gotten around that; being a telepath gave her that option. I lay there, stroking his arm lightly as I realized he might not like what he saw. The idea of being rejected, after all we'd been through, tortured me all night.
My head snapped up as Dan's door opened. He stepped out when he saw me, and he shot me a weak smile. "Hi."
"Hi." I studied his chest, the wall, the floor, anything to not meet his gaze.
"You want..." He shrugged, "you know?"
I met his concerned gaze. He studied my face as I tried to read his eyes. I saw regret and guilt hiding there. I also saw fear. I never wanted Dan scared of me, or my reactions. Deep down I knew that we were far more than teacher and student. "If your offer still stands, yeah."
He looked up and down the hall nervously. "Now?"
I nodded again, closed my eyes and pulled off the glasses.
I waited, and after I felt an odd sense of absence behind my eyes, he said, "Ok."
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, looking directly into his face. Dan was probably the only person in the world I could ever look at without the visor without fear. Everything was hues of red, but as his brows furrowed, the colors began to shift. After a moment, he smiled, "Done."
I blinked a few times and laughed. "I thought I'd see something other than red!"
He blushed, and I saw even more red. Blushing was completely invisible to me through the lenses. "HEY, my hair is red!" He stuck out his tongue. "What's the color of my shirt, Asshole."
I paused, glanced at his chest and then looked into his eyes again. "Green." Green looked pitch black to me through the lenses. Lawns, trees, money, were all blacks and burgundies. I couldn't believe how much beauty I'd been missing. "So are your eyes."
I could see the tears building up at the edges of his eyes. "Logan tell you the rules?"
I nodded. "Stay on the grounds and give you a couple breaks. I'll need to put the glasses back on before you go to bed."
He grinned. "And don't get me all emotional. I might slip."
"Ok, no Hallmark Moments." Dan always could make me laugh.
He wiped his eyes and looked down the hall. "Get out of here. There has to be something better to look at than my ugly face!"
I headed for the stairs, stopping once to look back and smile, "Thanks, Dan."
Maybe it was queer, but I knew what I wanted to see first. I'd almost woken Dan because I'd wanted to get back before Logan woke. Amazingly, Logan was still asleep when I got to the room. Normally Logan was up at the crack of dawn, but with two weeks of holidays, we both had planned to be a little more laid back. Laid back for Logan meant he wouldn't be doing combat training at six in the morning.
I slipped back into the room and stopped. The angle of the early morning light cut across the bed and highlighted Logan's body. The intensity of contrast and detail caught my breath. I'd known he was built like a furry wall of muscle, I'd been against that wall so many times, but the lenses smoothed out the details. I just stood there, looking at him, and marveled at the beauty of him. It was like I was seeing him for the first time.
Logan usually rose before me, so I'd never seen how he acted when he woke up. He must have sensed my return, because it wasn't more than a couple minutes before he shuddered and felt about for a moment. Something about the small, searching movements melted me. He sniffed the air instinctively. He relaxed after his initial inquisitive intakes of breath. He knew I was in the room.
"You're not in this bed," he grumbled.
I couldn't trust my voice at first. Knowing he wanted me lying next to him, and not for sex at the moment, almost had me stripping out of my clothes to get there. Instead, I settled on the edge of the mattress, and he shifted to look at me.
Our eyes met and I felt that jolt that everyone talked about. It was electric. Logan actually flinched. I leaned in, cupping his chin and for the first time I didn't close my eyes when we kissed. "Good morning." It was difficult to keep my eyes on his; I didn't want to blink. What I saw there was such a mixture of emotions that I could have just spent the day delving into their depths.
Logan's hand brushed a stray hair from my face. The brown warmth of his eyes studied mine. Finally, he smiled. "The kid was right."
The way he was looking at me made my breath catch. "Right about what?"
His voice was so low and thick that I almost couldn't hear him. "You have incredible eyes."
I closed my eyes, knowing when he pulled me into another kiss we wouldn't be leaving the bed 'til well after breakfast. Logan didn't make an issue of it 'til I was panting, naked, hard and anxious, with him pressing my knees to my chest. I felt him at my entrance, dripping and wet, as his lips came close to mine. "Open your eyes."
I'd forgotten I could. I opened them and stared into Logan's as he slowly pressed into me. After more than a year together, I still marveled at how incredible it felt to have him in me. His eyes never left mine for the entire descent. When he touched bottom, I closed my eyes for a moment to relish the feeling.
"Don't." The harsh need in his voice snapped my eyes open. "Don't go away." He drew back, pulling a moan from me as my ring gripped at him. "I want to see what it's really like for you."
We stayed like that, him sliding in and back with slow determination while I kept my eyes on his. Other than blinking, our gaze never broke. I had no clue how long we made love, but he studied my eyes as I began to shake with the need to let go. He picked up the pace, only enough to drive me further but not over. I had to fight not to clench my eyes shut from the pleasure-pain of it all. I wasn't sure what he was looking for in my eyes, but I hoped he'd found it.
We hadn't said anything since his expressing his need to know me. Moans, grunts and gasps were the extent of our vocabulary. If it couldn't be said with our eyes or bodies, it wasn't going to be. What ever else he saw, he saw my desperation for release. He kept taking me toward the edge in small, baby steps. I felt myself teetering there, pleading with my eyes for release, and I guess he finally saw what he was looking for. He thrust into me with three rapid successions and grunted as his body shook. The first two dives were all I needed to go over the edge. My eyes were probably the size of saucers; it felt like they were going to come right out of my head. Clenching them shut was so much easier.
I felt like I'd somehow released not only from the geyser that hit Logan's chest and had cum dripping from his skin onto me, but that I'd expelled a part of myself from my eyes, through our locked gaze, into his. He kept rabbit fucking me for several more thrusts as our voices calmed. I think I'd called his name, but I couldn't tell for sure. All I knew was that my back was aching, my ass was burning, and I had a hot, sweaty animal pressing me against the mattress as he devoured my neck and shoulder.
Our breathing slowed, finally, and Logan pulled himself out of my well used hole. He was still licking at the wounds he'd left on my neck as I pulled his face up. "Did you see what you're looking for?"
His eyes locked with mine and for a moment I saw the walls come up. Then they crumbled, and he bent in to capture my lips again. "Talk later. You're on the clock."
I spent the day with Logan, wandering the grounds and trying to make as many visual memories as possible. We tried to give Dan a couple breaks, but he never took them. He did, however, have lunch and dinner with us. To my surprise, Logan didn't object.
In fact, Logan suggested we hit the town for dinner, which Dan thought would be nice because they had lit the town for the holidays. I hadn't remembered how many colors there were in the world. It felt like I was experiencing the world all over again. We were sitting outside, Logan drinking a beer while Dan and I had hot chocolates, when I was suddenly blinded.
Logan snarled. "That wasn't fucking cute, kid."
I blinked the spots from my eyes as Dan kept the camera out of Logan's reach.
Dan smiled, but shot me an apologetic look. "I really wanted to get a shot of that."
Shaking my head, I grumbled. "Shot of what?"
"Of you looking happy." That floored me, and I looked at him like an idiot. He shrugged. "It's hard to tell what you're feeling behind the glasses. If this never happens again, at least I've got a photo of what you look like when I could see that you were happy."
Logan wasn't reaching for the camera anymore. "That's sentimental crap."
Dan frowned at Logan. "Hey, you had your chance to bad-ass all over me and you missed it. You've got the super sniffer; I've got my energetic lie detection. You're welcome to tell me you don't want a few pictures to remember this by, if you think you can pull it off."
I was certain Logan was going to gut Dan. They stared at each other for a few uncomfortably tense moments, and then Logan grinned. "I refuse to look cutesy for the lens, kid. But if you insist on taking pictures, you're going to have to give me copies."
Dan grinned back. "Sure, but I'm not doing any x-rated shots. I really don't want to know what goes on behind closed doors."
I thought I was going to choke on my hot chocolate, but Logan just roared. When I finally stopped sputtering and he stopped laughing, he leaned in and mussed Dan's hair. Hah! I knew Dan's hair was irresistible. "Deal. No goofy shit, no porn, and I get copies."
Somehow I knew the animosity between them was at an end. Even nothing more came from the day than that, at least I had something to look forward to.
The Professor met us as we came in from the evening. He'd been away from the school for the weekend and I had to force myself not to run to him and point at my eyes. I'd known him longer than anyone else in my life. Even though my unshielded vision was temporary, I had to share it with him.
He was smiling even before he saw my face. His eyes flickered with worry for only a moment, but he glanced at Dan and his smile widened. The look on his face as I knelt down to get a good look at him was worth everything.
"I never thought I would look you in the eye,." the Professor said as he looked at me. I swore I saw tears.
I felt an itching as I tried not to tear up too. Dan suddenly spoke up, his voice cracking badly. "Glasses..."
I snapped my eyes shut, and fished the things out of my pocket. I put them on, and slowly opened my eyes. I wasn't ready to give it up. I was going to ask Dan if there was any way he could hold out a bit longer, but then I felt the itching subside.
I looked back at him through the ruby lenses, and he smiled sheepishly at me. "I told you, no emotional moments."
I laughed, reached out and mussed his hair. "Sorry, forgot."
He grinned. "It's ok, you're safe."
I slipped the things off and let out a slow sigh. I was going to miss real sight. I knew there were only a few more hours before I knew Dan wouldn't be able to hold my power back. He seemed to read my mind.
"It's been easier than I thought. You'll be safe 'til midnight. After that, 'I' turn into a pumpkin."
I stood up and stepped over to him, lifting his chin. "Just in case I don't mention it later, this has been the most incredible gift anyone has ever given me. I'll never be able to repay you for it."
Dan's eyes were moist, but he held up under the scrutiny. "I'll check back with you about that in twenty years or so."
I grinned. "Cinderella has 'til midnight, huh?"
He nodded and smiled. "You have better things to look at than my ugly face. Get going."
Logan and I ended up back in the room. He was about to strip, when I stopped him. "I want to watch." I leaned in and nipped at his neck. "I want to remember every button, every flush, every ridge of muscle, and every look you give me." I pulled back and looked into his face. "This is probably the last time I'll be able to do that."
He nodded, his eyes locking with mine. I felt like he was searching for something again.
He let me take my time as I undid each button, watching how his body hair and skin reacted to the brush of cool air. He moaned as I brushed his nipples and goosebumps rose at my touch. So many details were there, unmarred by the damn lenses, as I enjoyed myself. Logan managed to keep still, letting me explore, until my hands brushed over his hard, furry ass. He pulled me to him, stripping me as he devoured my mouth. I lost track of time as the feel and smell of him flooded my senses.
I was on my back, panting with my need to feel every part of him, when Logan met my eyes again. This time I saw something there. Maybe it was understanding or maybe it was love Whatever it was sent a shock down my spine. He held my gaze and his voice went low. "Don't look away."
I didn't; I didn't move a muscle. His eyes burned and I felt his hand slip down and grip me. I gasped as his lotioned palm rub up and down my shaft. He held me, his eyes never leaving mine, and he sat back. My brain was in overload. This was the man who practically ripped my head off and ran from my room the first time I touched his ass. We'd almost ended over that simple act.
I stared, disbelieving, into his eyes as he grunted and took me in. If I hadn't been so caught off guard, I've have cum from the hot grip of his body on mine. Then I realized what I was seeing in his eyes. It was some small, vulnerable fear. Maybe he thought I'd think less of him for wanting the role reversal. If anything, I thought it made him even more incredible. He seated himself and slowly ground his ass against me as he growled. I could tell it had hurt.
"Logan?" My voice was choked.
His eyes held mine. "I told you not unless I asked." He gritted his teeth and forced out the words. "I'm ask'n."
I realized that must have been one of the hardest things he'd ever admitted to me. I nodded, letting him grind himself slowly against me. The movements were causing me to burn with the need to start thrusting, but I held back. Finally, he seemed to relax and he looked at me. "Just fuck me. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow."
I pushed up and kissed him. The rocking motion caused him to shudder and I felt it. I felt what he could feel in me when I gave myself over to him. It was the feeling of ultimate trust. His regeneration made it so I couldn't actually hurt him, but that wasn't what this was about. It wasn't a solely physical act. After a year of fucking, fighting and quiet moments that I would never forget, he was letting me in.
He kept control at first, only letting me watch him, touch him, kiss him as he slowly rode up and down my shaft. I wanted to cum, but I also didn't want the moment to end. It'd been so long since I'd been inside anyone that I was trembling from it. The only doubt that invaded my thoughts was whether or not we'd do this again. I pushed it aside. Like with my vision, if tonight was all I got then I would make certain it was burned forever into my memory.
I couldn't believe how fiercely he was trembling as he sank down on me for the second or third hundredth time. He was covered in sweat and his fur was bristling. His eyes met mine again and I could see the desperate need and fear there. He wanted more. He wanted to be ridden, but he wasn't sure he could give up the control.
He bent down, latched onto my lips with a groan, and rolled us over. I almost slid out, but his heels dug into my ass and held me in him. "Fuck me."
That's all he said. It was all he had to say. I could see it in his eyes. He was giving me control and something about it scared him to death. I kept up the pace he'd set when he was on top. Slowly, I felt him giving way, letting me have more and more of the control as our pace quickened. I leaned in, curling him in on himself, and chewed on the side of his neck. More thrusting, more biting, and the tension was building. I could feel it as he gripped the sheets and began to moan with his eyes closed as his trembling increased.
With a sudden howl, he fisted the sheets and his claws slashed into the mattress. I was nearly bucked off as he convulsed. My God, the cum. It was watery and sprayed over him like a continuous eruption. I kept going, losing myself in it all. He cried out with each thrust, and would spray more, though not quite as forcefully, each time I slammed in.
I'd never seen anyone orgasm like that. It seemed continuous from the moment it started until I had unleashed one of the largest loads of my life into his depths. I slowed my thrusts, my cock sensitive but still hard, and with each movement in him his dick would pulse and shoot more. His cum was nearly clear, more like pre-cum, and he whimpered with each shuddered release. I stopped, barely able to hold myself over him, and my dick pulsed. Even that was enough for him to gasp and spray a little bit more.
His whimpered response to my retreat from his ass had me worried. He'd closed his eyes as he'd begun to orgasm and they were still shut. It was as if he'd had to force himself to let it happen. Now they weren't shut tight, and I could see the dampness that had leaked from them. I kissed his neck, the side of his face, and brushed his lips with mine. He met my kiss with a hunger I couldn't believe. It was on the verge of begging.
When we pulled from the kiss, I looked into his eyes. They were awash with too many emotions for me to read. What was clear was that they were raw, violent, and at war within him.
"Logan?" I whispered his name, trying to bring him back to me.
He groaned, pulling me to him and lathed my neck with his tongue. His teeth grazed me, and he was panting a bit, but he finally found his voice. "Fuck'n regen..."
I waited until he let me go. "What about it?"
His body was finally relaxing, and the wild conflict in his eyes was subsiding. "Know how it is, being fucked, when you're at that point where you can't stop from cumming?"
"Well, you stop after the blow because your prostate runs out of spunk to shoot. It has to recharge before it can go again."
I nodded again, knowing exactly what he meant. He'd fucked me through multiple blows in a night many times, but the intense release would only last so long before my prostate would have to reset and rebuild to another blow.
"I don't have a recharge delay. The damn regeneration just recycles it all as fast as I can shoot."
I blinked. He hadn't had a bunch of mini-orgasms, or aftershocks. That whole thing, however many minutes I'd fucked him since his first blow, had been one long orgasm. "You mean: if I'd kept going, you'd have kept going?"
He nodded, his eyes meeting mine. That's when it hit me. Somehow, some time before, someone had used that against him. That was the fear, the thing he'd been fighting against. I swallowed. "Does it hurt?"
He shrugged. His eyes were clouding a bit, but he kept from raising his protective walls between us. "Yeah, but only if it lasts too long. There's a part of me that wants it to keep going, but it gets so intense that I can't take it."
"Fuck." I only mumbled it, but he palmed my cheek and made me meet his gaze.
"Only when I ask." He was searching my eyes again.
I nodded, never breaking his gaze. "I'd never hurt you, Logan, not on purpose. You know that."
His eyes made that connection again, and the searching stopped. He seemed to relax and he pulled me slowly into a soft, wet, honest-to-god kiss. I was still sighing from it as he breathed into my lips. "I know."
I didn't know how long we lay there, gazing into each other's eyes, until he looked passed me at the alarm clock. He grinned, his eyes meeting mine with a warmth I'd never forget. "We've still got an hour before 'broom stick' turns into a pumpkin."
I grinned back. "What do you want to do about it?
Pulling me to him, he rolled onto his back and I felt him lengthening between us. "Fuck me, Scott. Fuck me while I can still look in your eyes and see it means something."
I kissed him, long, hard and with everything I had. Then I pulled back, hooked his ankles over my shoulders and slid in while never breaking his gaze. I could tell he was going to struggle holding our gaze like I had that morning. "How do you want it?"
He groaned, thrusting his ass up against me, but held my eyes. "Make me howl."
I did. I fucked him until he was hoarse, so drenched in cum that he looked like he'd been dunked in a milk vat, and his eyes were completely glazed. I didn't think I'd ever loved him so much as when he whimpered an almost inaudible, "thanks," before falling asleep in my arms. Daniel was obviously staying up past the witching hour, because my eyes hadn't begun to itch and it was nearly half-past midnight. I found my sleeping goggles and slid them on before snuggling in against Logan's back.
The future was uncertain, but I had everything I could want. I had family, friends, and someone who may never say he loved me in words, but his actions left me with no doubt about his feelings. How the relationship would play out was anyone's guess. My only hope, as my day ended, was that the ways one day of unfiltered vision had enriched my life would last long after the colors were gone.