Date: Sat, 23 Oct 1999 22:51:48 WST From: Boogie Boy Subject: Ryan's Intentions 7 RYAN'S INTENTIONS VII *Well, I'm sorry it has been quite a while, but I'm hoping that this story will be worth it. By the way, in the ending of the previous chapter, I said that JUSTIN went to get his wallet when I meant to type RYAN (if that confused anyone). I appreciate all your comments and if you have anything at all to say about my story then please e-mail them to `boy_boogie@hotmail.com' I hope you enjoy this! "What are YOU doing here!?" I shouted angrily. "Admiring the view." I stood there shocked at her smarmy response. "Fuck you Krystle!" "Been there and done that, haven't we?" She snickered. "You've become even more of a bitch? Holy crap, just when we all thought it was friggin' impossible, I better inform the tabloids!" "Well, aren't we just brimming with humour." "Shut up Krystle!" "No, you shut up. Don't raise your voice to me, you fuckin' faggot!" If I was a volcano I would have erupted right there and then. I looked into her eyes and she just smiled at me, thinking that I could not retaliate towards her insult. The trouble was, she was right. I could not think of anything to say. I felt angry, confused and hurt. "Go to Hell Krystle!" I stormed as I quickly walked off. "Hello! I spent seven years of my life with you already. Hey, that broken mirror saying must be true!" I ignored her as I opened the door to the hallway. "Be seeing you around Just!" She managed to shout just before the door closed. The slamming noise echoed in my mind. I stood still after the door had closed, trying to compose myself. `Don't let her get to you', I kept repeating to myself, `she's just a bitch, I know that from experience', but I began to sob anyway. While my vision was still clear I walked briskly, before jogging to my cabin. Everything else around me was just blacked out. I reached my room and opened the door, and I stepped in just as I slammed the door shut, but it didn't slam. I turned around and saw a foot between the door and the frame. I opened the door and saw Ryan standing there. "Justin, are you okay? I called out to you but you just ran past me!" Ryan asked. "Yeah, I'm fine". I lied, "Sorry, but I'm going to have to take another raincheck for lunch". I stated as I tried to close the door. "Justin, I'm fucking sick of you closing the door on me, closing me out. If we are going to have any sort of real relationship then we are going to have to talk to each other, no matter what is wrong!" Again, I tried to close the door but Ryan swung it open with his hand and entered my cabin before closing it behind him. He confidently walked over to the couch and sat down. "What are you doing?" I asked, the few tears I had shed beginning to dry. "Not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you!" Ryan stated as-matter-of-factly. I stood still for a moment, looking down on the ground. I stood on my left leg while my right foot moved around tapping my left. "I just saw Krystle." I managed to say smoothly. "Krystle Krystle?" Ryan asked in disbelief. "Yeah. After you left to get your wallet, I turned around and saw her. Basically straight away we were arguing and then she called me a `fuckin' faggot', to quote her exactly. "Oh Justin, just ignore her, she's a bitch." "That was the first time I had ever been insulted about being gay apart from my dad." I told him. "I can't just ignore her and forget it, it like, it shot through me, like an arrow! I want to be, protected, or immune from that sort of stuff. I just can't believe how...I don't even know what I mean, I can't explain it." Ryan was about to speak but I beat him to it. "Don't say you know what I mean Ryan, cause you haven't `come out of the closet' so to speak, and I appreciate you being here, but please just go." Ryan looked at me dumbfounded. "Don't turn away a helping hand Justin, especially not mine." Ryan stood up off the couch and held his hand towards me. I looked at his face, then his outstretched hand. I moved out my hand and quickly withdrew. My eyes were on the floor and I slowly and unsteadily stretched my hand again. I felt Ryan's slightly larger hand hold it and pull me closer towards him. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Ryan questioned as he put his other hand, curled, on my cheek. "I will now." I smiled at him, looking into his eyes. "Wow, you're smiling! I should remember this!" jested Ryan. "Oh ha ha." I replied sarcastically before I leant in for a kiss. And what a kiss it was. Gentle, but with a passion too. I thought that Ryan was right about talking to him problems. I felt so much better after telling him, and this kiss was like the icing on the cake. "You know Ryan, you have got to be one of the most understanding people I have ever met." "That's a compliment, right?" Ryan grinned. "A compliment? Oh no! But keep this up and I may consider giving a compliment to ya before I depart." We both laughed but then Ryan looked at me with a sudden seriousness. "You get off when we arrive in Bali right?" he questioned. I thought I could `get off' anywhere, but I didn't think that coment was really necessary! "Yes, but that's..." then the realisation hit me. "...tomorrow.", finished Ryan. Well, things certainly were pleasant now that we realised we could spend only two days and one night together. I looked at Ryan, his glum face reflecting my feelings. "Ryan, will you have dinner with me tonight?" Ryan's face lit up with his amazing smile. "Sure, I'll meet you at the dining hall at seven?" "Great!" I said as I leaned in for another kiss before he let go of my hands and walked out of my cabin. I stood in the main room and then jumped up in the air. `I've got a date with the most beautiful man on Earth tonight!' I looked at my watch. Another four hours to go. I went into my bedroom and opened the wardrobe, pulling out all my clothes as I began to slowly pack. Then I saw some clothes that I could wear for dinner. If we were gonna eat at the hall then I had to look good, as everyone wore tuxedos or classy dresses. I didn't have a tuxedo as such, but I had some nice black pants and a white shirt long sleeved shirt. I didn't have a jacket or a vest, or even a bow tie but I figured that I could ask for one from someone that works on the ship. Then I walked over into the living room, and saw the videos I left last time that still had to be watched. I should watch Ryan's movie, `54', even if it only serves as a conversation topic at dinner. Plus I wanna see him in action! Ryan walked back to his room and briskly opened the door. As he walked in he noticed a small piece of paper that had some writing on it. Intrigued, Ryan leant down to pick it up and closed the door. He stood up and brought the paper to reading distance. "Hello there lover boy, seems you've been doing a little kissing and hugging around the boat, and it looks like a lot of people could know... unless you give me some of that kissing and hugging." Ryan stood in disbelief at what he had just read. `Who the fuck is this person?', he thought. Ryan ripped up the paper in anger and went to sit down on the couch and think about who it could be. Then Ryan began to question whether or not he should go out with Justin tonight, as the person who photographed them could be in the hall. `I can't jeopardise my career for Justin, I hardly know him, but I do feel... something with him, like I can care for him, or I can love him.' Ryan sat staring at the pieces of paper in his hand. But is the destruction of my career, which I have worked for for years and only now gotten a break in, worth dinner with a man who isn't even willing to trust me or probably even himself with his emotions? `Oh my God, is Ryan sexy or what?' I thought wickedly as I finished watching 54. It wasn't a bad film, but not great either, although it was good performance from the major cast characters, and the fact that I could watch Ryan and blur everything else out was a bonus. But then again, I can see him - the real him, not Shane - in about a couple of hours. I then realised that I would have to find a jacket, vest and bow tie for dinner tonight. I put the video tape away after rewinding it, and left my cabin looking for some staff - I figured that there had to be some place to hire nice clothes and the like. I arrived at the main desk, just inside the primary entrance for the ship. I didn't see anyone around it so I rang the bell. Ding! I could hear footsteps approaching that sounded like high heels, and before I knew it, a woman came from behind a door in a white buttoned long sleeved shirt, name tag and of course, a smile. "How can I help..." her voice wavered as she realised who I was. "Twice in one day? Wow." I said as Krystle composed herself. "What do you want?" she asked rather sternly. I continued unintimidated, "I need a jacket, vest and bow tie." She took out a book from somewhere under the desk and handed it to me. I looked through it and found a nice tuxedo set that had a maroon vest that had a little shine to it and a black outline, and a bow tie to match. I thought it looked nice, not too fancy, but then I reconsidered, thinking it would be better if I had just a bow tie and jacket. "Can I have the jacket and bow tie from number eleven?" I asked politely. Krystle grabbed the book off me and glanced at the image. "That'll be $70 thanks." "What?! $70 for a bow tie and jacket!?" "You have to take the whole suit, sorry" She smirked. "Can't I just pay the $70 for the tie and jacket?" I asked exasperated. "Fine." She snapped as I got the money out of my wallet and handed it to her. "Why are you getting so dressed up anyway?" She asked. "Why do you wanna know? Jealous?" I asked hoping she was. "No, just thinking you're doing a lot to try and improve the quality of your lonely life. I mean, if my partner just left me from a serious relationship and I found out that I was gay and that I learned my father hated me and I left the country to find a treatment that didn't - " "That's enough!" I shouted, unaware of the volume of my voice. "Sorry, didn't mean to make you upset." She gleamed. "Shut the fuck up." I said as I walked away with the jacket and bow tie. "I'll be seeing you at dinner then." `Not if I see you first', I thought angrily as I made my way back to the cabin. I just basically had to shower, get dressed and then go to the dinner hall, and I had ample time for that. Ryan was in the hallway, looking for somewhere where he could find appropriate clothing for tonight, when he heard a lady talking to a familiar voice. "What?! $70 for a bow tie and jacket!?" "You have to take the whole suit, sorry" "Can't I just pay the $70 for the tie and jacket?" "Fine. Why are you getting so dressed up anyway?" "Why do you wanna know? Jealous?" Ryan recognised the voice as Justin's. "No, just thinking you're doing a lot to try and improve the quality of your lonely life. I mean, if my partner just left me from a serious relationship and I found out that I was gay and that I learned my father hated me and I left the country to find a treatment that didn't - " "That's enough!" "Sorry, didn't mean to make you upset." "Shut the fuck up." "I'll be seeing you at dinner then." Ryan guessed that he was talking to Krystle, but from his eavesdropping around the corner, he was left confused. `He left Australia for treatment? Treatment for what? And what didn't it do?' To be continued... *Sorry it took a while and sorry that it probably isn't what you would have been expecting! And thank you for the mail I've received, it gives a real incentive to continue writing. If anyone has an comments, positive or negative, please e-mail: boy_boogie@hotmail.com