Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2000 04:08:20 From: Erin Chalmers Subject: Secret Emotion-Chapter1 This is my first attempt at writing so bear with me. Any feedback would be appreciated. I have a few more chapters written, so it gets better (I think). Thanks to Aaron who convinced me to do this. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be reading this right now. Disclaimer: The following story is COMPLETE fiction. I don't know N Sync or Christina Aguilera and I have no idea what their sexual orientation is. Don't read this if you aren't of legal age or are offended by homosexuality. Chapter One "Dammit!" JC Chasez exclaimed as he fiddled with the lock on his hotel room door. He was tired and frustrated after one of the longest days of his life. All he wanted was to flop down on his bed and never get up again. Unfortunately it seemed as though God had other plans for him. No matter how hard he tried, the key wouldn't turn in the lock. "Okay Joshua, calm down," he told himself, "this isn't as hard as it seems, just stick the key in and turn it." "Talking to yourself again?" A female voice came from behind JC. He was so startled that he didn't realize he finally got the door open. JC leaned a little too hard into the door and went tumbling into his room. "Don't do that," JC groaned. "Sorry, next time I'll announce my arrival with a five piece trumpet brigade," replied Sara, JC's long time best friend. "That would be appreciated," JC told her as he got up off the floor, "so, what happened to your better half?" Justin was referring to Christina Aguilera. He had introduced the two girls awhile back, realizing Sara was a lesbian, but having no idea that Christina was. The two girls quickly hit it off and were dating soon after. JC liked it, he felt more comfortable around them because he was gay as well. Of course, nobody knew any of this except for the three of them and the other members of N Sync. As far as JC knew, everyone else was straight and they were all perfectly okay with their friends lifestyles. "She had more rehearsing to do. I never see her anymore," Sara replied. "So you thought you'd come over here and bother me?" JC asked as he walked into the room and collapsed on the bed. "Well, I know how much you love me and want to spend time with me, so I thought I'd do you a favor," Sara said. She followed JC's actions and flopped down onto the bed beside him. They both laid there for a minute, staring at the ceiling until JC finally spoke. "But really you're just feeling abandoned and lonely and you thought we could be miserable together?" "Yeah, that's about it," Sara replied. Sara was joining N Sync and Christina on their summer tour while she was off of University. Right now there were rehearsals going on before the kick off in New York. JC was feeling frazzled because they only had a week left and everyone was being overworked. But there was also something else that was bothering him. "Sara?" JC asked "Yeah?" "Have you talked to Justin lately?" "Not since this morning," Sara replied, "Why? "I don't know, he seems...distant," JC said, sounding concerned. "He's probably just tired," Sara said "Yeah, I guess, " JC replied. Neither said anything for quite awhile. Sara was listening to JC's breathing. She felt bad for him. For a long time now, JC had been head over heels for Justin. She knew how it felt, thinking that your love for someone was wrong, and knowing that it won't ever be returned. That was exactly how it was when she met Christina. It was love at first sight. Here was the most beautiful, amazing, intelligent girl and she couldn't have her. Sara spent nights crying herself to sleep and then hurting all day and trying to hide her feelings. But for some reason she couldn't stop seeing Christina. She had to hear her cute little giggle and see her big, huge smile that lit up the room. And she'd never forget the day all her dreams came true. They were just sitting on Christina's bus, laughing over some stupid joke and Christina had suddenly stopped, and stared straight at Sara with those beautiful blue eyes. Before either of them knew what was happening, their lips were together and their toungues were entwined. Sara knew things probably wouldn't happen like that for JC. Justin wasn't gay. "Do you think he knows? What if he found out somehow?" JC suddenly blurted out, sounding panicked. He sat straight up on the bed. "JC, calm down, how could he know?" Sara asked, sitting up beside him. "I don't know, someone could've told him." JC said. "The only people who know how you feel about him are you and me. Did you tell him? "No," JC said, looking sheepish. "Well neither did I," Sara replied. "Maybe he can just tell," JC said. "JC..." "I know. He's only tired like the rest of us. I'm just so scared. If he finds out... I couldn't stand not seeing him. I couldn't stand it if he hated me," JC said. He curled his knees up to his body and put his head down on top of them. Sara moved over and put her arms around him. She leaned her head against his. She didn't know what to do. It was horrible seeing him this way. Sometimes she felt guilty because of what her and Christina had. All she wanted was for JC to be happy and she was starting to get scared that the only way he could be was with Justin. Sara bit her lip as she heard JC start to sniffle. She hated it when he cried. It always made her feel so helpless. "Shhh, calm down. You know Justin will never hate you." She listened to JC's helpless sobs for awhile. "JC!" Sara and JC both jumped as someone yelled and banged their fists on JC's hotel room door. "OPEN UP!!" "Jesus Christ, keep it down!" Sara said as she got up to answer the door. She only opened it a tiny bit, but Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick pushed it open and came strolling in. "Sure guys, come on in," Sara said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "Hey JC," Joey said as he sat down on the bed that JC wasn't on. Chris grabbed the remote and went to sit beside him. "What's with you?" Chris asked JC as he noticed he was crying. "Nothing," JC replied, wiping away the tears. "Whatever man, you're crying!" Joey said. "No I'm not, I'm just tired," JC said defensively. "I don't think so, " Chris said, becoming more interested. Just then Justin walked in through JC's still open door and right past Sara. "Hey guys, what's up?" he said. "Nothing much, except JC's crying and he won't say why," Chris said. "Shut up you guys!" JC said, sounding frustrated. Justin immediately became worried and ran over to JC's side. He knelt down on the floor beside JC's bed. "Josh, what's wrong?" JC loved it when Justin called him Josh. It felt so personal and important. But he didn't want Justin to see him crying, so he turned his face away. "Nothing's wrong," he said. "Then why are you crying?" Justin asked, his voice full of concern. "I'm not crying, I'm just tired, okay?" "I'm not stupid Josh, I can tell you are," Justin replied, putting a hand on JC's leg, "Just tell me what's wrong." When Justin touched JC, it became too much for him and he knew he couldn't hold his tears in much longer. All he really wanted to do was collapse in Justin's arms and cry until everything felt better. "I'M FINE, OKAY?!!" JC yelled and he got up off the bed and ran into the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and sat on the floor. He held his head in his hands and started sobbing. "Uh, maybe we should leave," Chris said. "Yeah, I just wanted to watch porn," Joey agreed. Justin, who hadn't moved since JC had his little outburst, got up and turned to his two friends. "Couldn't you watch porn in one of your own rooms?" he asked. "Well, we could have," Joey began. "But it would have been more enjoyable to rack up the charges to JC's room," Chris finished. "Just get out," Sara said as she held open the door. Joey and Chris both took off as fast as they could. "Do you know what's going on?" Justin asked Sara. "What do you think?" Sara asked. "I think you probably do, but you aren't going to tell me." "Bingo," Sara replied. Justin just looked at Sara for a minute and then he went over to the bathroom door. "JC?" No answer. "JC, I want you to talk to me." No answer. "Tell me what's going on here, I wanna help." No answer. JC reached for some toilet paper to wipe his eyes. He wasn't ready to talk. Justin heard JC moving around on the floor, so he crouched down and put his palm against the door. "Josh..." he said softly. Justin heard JC take a deep breath. "Josh, you've always been there for me, no matter what I was going through. You're like the big brother I never had. But I can help you out too. You have to tell me what's wrong." "Justin, I..." JC began. "I'm here whenever you want to say something," Justin said, "Why don't you come out so we can talk." "I can't..." "You can't what?" Justin heard JC sniffle. "Josh, just open the door," Justin said. JC couldn't take it when Justin said his name and he lost it again. "I'm not coming out," JC said between sobs. Justin looked up at Sara and then back at the door. "Well then I'm staying here until you do." With that Justin got up and went to sit on JC's bed. "Are you sure you want to stay?" Sara asked. "Yeah," Justin said. "I won't be able to sleep. Christina told me to tell you to come back to the room. She's finished rehearsal." "I'll stay here if you want," Sara said. "No don't," Justin replied, "I'll be fine." "Okay," Sara said. She kissed Justin on the forehead and walked from the room. Justin stared at the bathroom door. It was killing him to see JC this way. He didn't know what was wrong, but he did know one thing. He cared about JC. He cared about JC more than he should. In fact, he was absolutely in love with him. *** Sara walked down the hall toward the hotel room she was sharing with Christina. She was worried about JC, but she couldn't help feeling a little excited about spending time with Christina. They hadn't seen eachother all day and the day before the only time they spent together was when they were sleeping. Sara reached the door and knocked lightly. She was hoping Christina was there because she didn't have a key. "Who is it?" asked a soft, feminine voice. Sara smiled, knowing Christina was looking at her through the peephole. "Chrissy, don't make me wait," Sara said. Christina opened the door a tiny crack. "Well how do I know it's not some crazy stalker who wants my body?" she asked. "Because it's your crazy girlfriend who really wants your body," Sara replied. "How bad?" Christina teased. Sara leaned against the wall right by the opening in the door. She slipped her finger through the crack until she felt Christina's mouth. She pushed her finger past her lips and felt Christina's wet toungue swirl around it. "Really, really bad," she whispered. All of a sudden Christina pulled away from Sara's finger, swung the door open and pulled her inside. Sara slid her arms around Christina's waist and felt Christina's go around her neck as their mouths met in a passionate kiss. Their toungues battled in warm saliva. The kiss lasted for awhile, both girls getting lost in eachother. They finally pulled apart and stared into eachother's eyes. "I missed you," Christina said. "Me too," Sara replied. Christina slipped out of Sara's arms and went to lay down on the bed. Sara stood by the door and watched Christina. She was wearing a white cotton tank top and light blue pajama pants. "Come here," Christina whispered as she patted the bed beside her. Sara smiled and went over to the bed. She sat down and pulled Christina over until her head was in her lap. "So how was your day?" Sara asked. "Tiring," Christina replied, "but once the tour actually starts I'll have more time to spend with you. How was your day?" "A bit boring. I just wanted to be with you," Sara said. She wanted to tell Christina about JC, but knew she couldn't. JC's feelings were private and he was her best friend. It would be wrong to betray his trust. "Did you get to spend any time with JC or the rest of the guys?" Christina asked. "Um, I was with JC for awhile. He's feeling pretty run down and he got upset about something, but Justin's with him," Sara said "Do you know what he's upset about?" Christina asked. "Uh..." Sara didn't know what to say. She didn't want to lie to Christina. "It's okay," Christina said, sitting up," It's none of my business. I know that JC doesn't want you telling me all his problems, just like I don't want you telling him about my problems." "Thanks," Sara said smiling, "you're amazing." "I know," Christina teased. Sara leaned forward and kissed Christina. It was just a nice, quick kiss. She pulled away and looked into Christina's eyes. Christina pouted a bit. "That's all I get? I haven't seen you all day and that's the only thing you have to give me?" she said. Sara gave Christina a mischevious grin before pushing her down on the bed and letting her toungue slip past her lips. The girls made out for awhile before Sara pulled away, both of them gasping for air. "I think we need to take a cold shower," Sara said. "Together?" Christina asked. Sara laughed and got up off the bed. "I think that might defeat the purpose," she said. "So you're saying you don't wanna have wild passionate sex?" Christina asked with a pout. "No, I'm saying let's calm down for a bit. We haven't spent much time together and we've got all night to do whatever we want. So let's just enjoy eachother's company, and see what happens later," Sara said. "Okay. I like the part about what's gonna happen later!" Christina told her. "You have a one track mind," Sara said, laughing. "I know, but that's why you love me," Christina told her. "Sure. Now I'm going to have a shower. Alone!" Sara said, walking into the bathroom. Christina laid her head down on the pillow. She felt really good. It was like everything in her life was finally perfect. She was happy and all her dreams had come true. How many people could boast that they were successful in the music industry, found their one true love and were now on tour with five of their best friends? Christina guessed it was a very lucky few. But she was one of them. And Sara was amazing. Christina had struggled her whole life, not knowing if she would ever have the courage be honest about her true feelings. When she met Sara it was like there was no other choice. If she kept lying to herself and everyone around her, then Sara would be gone. So she made the best decision of her life, and when the time was right, she had kissed Sara. That was when her life became complete. And now nothing was ever going to get in the way of Christina's happiness. She would hold on to Sara no matter what it took. After a few minutes, Sara came out of the bathroom, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. She looked over to the bed and saw Christina sprawled out on top of the blankets with her eyes closed. Aww, she fell asleep, Sara thought to herself. She went over to the bed and laid down beside Christina. She couldn't get over how beautiful she was. Sara decided that she would be forever in debt to JC for bringing the two of them together. Christina fit into Sara's life like a missing puzzle piece. They were a perfect match. After watching Christina sleep for a bit, Sara was surprised when she rolled over. "I really did miss you today," Christina said as she nuzzled against Sara's cheek. "I thought you were asleep!" Sara said. "Nope, I tricked you!" she said "That's okay," Sara replied, "I miss being with you." "Can we do some of that naughty stuff you were talking about earlier?" Christina asked. "I didn't say anything about naughty stuff," Sara teased, "I just said we had all night to do whatever we wanted." "Shut up!" Christina said. She reached out and turned off the lamp. Then she rolled over and began kissing her girlfriend.