Date: Tue, 02 Sep 2003 12:13:08 -0500
From: music teacher <musicteacher2002@hotmail.com>
Subject: "This is the Night" chapter16

Disclaimer:  I have an overactive imagination, the result of which is this
story.  I do not know Clay Aiken or any other celebrities mentioned in this
story, and I do not intend to imply anything about their true sexualities.
Simply file this in the "Wouldn't it be nice...?" portion of your mind.  Also,
if you are under legal age to be reading this sort of stuff (18 in most
areas), then leave now.  All the rest of you who ARE of age, please enjoy my
little mind trip away from the land of reality.

***

CHAPTER 16

***

After Mom left the room, Clay, Rachel, and I just sat and stared at each
other, none of us knowing what to say.  Mom could be so hard to read
sometimes.  Usually, it was best to just let her go off by herself, calm
down for a while, and then come back.  We decided this was the case, and the
three of us ate the rest of our meal in silence.

After dinner, Clay excused himself to the living room.  It was Rachel who
spoke first.  "Why didn't you TELL me you and Clay were dating??"

"Honestly," I asked her, "would you have believed me?"

She laughed.  "Probably not."

"So," I said, exhaling loudly, "what should we do about Mom?"

"She'll come around," said Rachel.  "Just give her time."

The three of us watched TV in the living room for a while...well, we half
watched, half waited for Mom to re-appear.  When the light to her bedroom
went out, it became apparent that she would not be coming back out that
night.  That's when it really hit me that she was REALLY upset.  Mom was
never the type to go to bed angry.  If there was something on her mind, she
would always want to get it resolved, or else she wouldn't be able to sleep.
  The fact that she wasn't willing to talk to Clay and I tonight meant that
this issue was bigger than big.  Just thinking about that made me extremely
upset.  Sensing this, Clay came over and put his arm around me.

"It will be OK, Randy," he told me.  "Just give her some more time."

"She's NEVER done this before," I said, my voice wavering.  "I don't get it.
It's not like she didn't know I'm gay..."

"I wish I knew what to tell you," he said.  To tell the truth, I don't know
what I expected him to say.  But I felt comforted just having him there with
his arm around me, and my head on his shoulder.

"I think I just need sleep," I said suddenly, standing up.  My sister, who
had been sitting quietly in the corner, letting Clay and I have our moment,
got up to give me a hug.

"I love you," she whispered.  "Just remember that, OK?"

"Thanks," I said.

"Want some company?" asked Clay.

"More than you know," I said sadly.  "But considering the situation, it's
probably best if I sleep alone tonight."  I kissed him gently on the lips
and he wrapped his arms around me in the most comforting hug he'd ever given
me.  As I made my way to my room, I could hear my sister and Clay talking
softly.  Well, I thought, at least they're getting along.  That thought
alone will help me sleep.  As I walked past Mom's room, though, I heard the
unmistakable sounds of sobbing, and I knew that sleep would be difficult to
come by tonight.

The next morning, I got up fairly early.  I knew that Rachel and Clay were
probably still sleeping, but I also knew that Mom was an early riser, and I
wanted to talk to her, one-on-one.  With extreme trepidation, I made my way
to the kitchen, where Mom was sitting, reading the paper.

"Morning," I said gently.  She looked up at me, and without a word returned
to her newspaper.  I sighed loudly.  "So this is how it's going to be?  We
need to talk, Mom."

"So talk," she said, slamming her newspaper down on the table in much the
same way she had slammed her glass the previous night.

"I don't think I'm the one who needs to talk," I said, perhaps a bit too
harshly.  "I thought you would be happy when I said Clay and I are
together."

"Happy?  HAPPY?!" Mom said loudly.  "Why would I be happy when my son tells
me he's a queer?"

"First of all," I said, starting to get my defenses up, "you knew that I am
gay, so I don't see what the big deal is there.  Second of all, I have
finally found someone who makes me happy.  I'm in love, Mom, and I thought
you'd be happy for me."

"Yes I know you said you were gay before," Mom said, sounding somewhat
defeated.  "But you never brought home a boyfriend.  I just always thought
you were confused."

"Mom, I'm more sure of this than anything," I said gently.  "I am
homosexual, and I am in love with Clay Aiken."

Mom got up from the table, walked to the window, and stared out of it.  It
was a while before she spoke.  When she finally did, it was barely audible,
but I heard the message loud and clear.

"I don't think I can accept it."

I absorbed my mother's words for a few seconds before I spoke.  "We'll be
gone by noon."  I got up from the kitchen table and went back to my room.  I
packed up my things, and then laid on the bed and began to cry.  Hard.  I
must have cried myself to sleep, because the next thing I knew, there was a
hand gently rubbing my back.

"Randy?"  It was Clay.  "What's wrong?  What happened?"

I rolled over to see not only Clay, but also my sister standing in my room.
Through my tears, I told them what had happened between Mom and I earlier
that morning.  Sadly, they both agreed that it was probably best for Clay
and I to leave.  Clay went back downstairs to get his suitcase.

"Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"Please tell the rest of the family we're sorry we couldn't make it."  I
started to cry yet again.  I really was looking forward to seeing my
relatives again.  "Tell them something came up."

"Don't worry," Rachel said with a mixture of sadness and anger.  "I will
tell them."  She gave me a big hug goodbye, saying, "I'll call you later."

We walked back out to the living room, where Clay was waiting for us.  My
mother was nowhere in sight.

"Mom?" I called out.  No answer.  "We're leaving," I yelled a little louder.

"Bye," came the muffled reply from her bedroom.

Rachel simply shrugged, and turned to Clay.  "You," she said to him, "take
care of my little bro, you got that?"

"I will," said Clay. "It was nice meeting you, Rachel."

"You, too," she told him.  "Take care, and keep in touch!"

"Will do," he said, smiling.

With that, Clay and I left my mother's house.  It tore me up to have to do
that, but something told me that it wasn't going to be a permanent rift
between Mom and I.  Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.  I hoped all she
needed was time -- a little more time than usual.  Nothing was certain,
however, and that was what was killing me.

Clay and I spent most of the drive back in silence.  He drove, I mostly just
stared out the window, thinking about what had happened.  When we got back,
Clay said that he had some stuff to take care of at his house, so he would
call me later.  He gave me a rather stiff hug goodbye, and drove off
quickly.  That's odd, I thought.  No kiss.  Besides, I could have used the
company tonight.

Sighing, I walked inside and turned on the lights.

"Shit!  You're home early!"  Lee and Ryan jumped up from the couch, each of
them half-dressed.

"Uh, hi guys..." I said, half pissed and half amused.

"We were just...uh..." stammered Lee.

"...house-sitting?" I asked with a smirk.  "Maybe I should start charging for
use of this place while I'm gone!"

"We're really sorry," said Ryan.

"Do you guys do this every time I'm gone?" I wondered.

"This was the first time, really!" said Ryan.

"And most likely the last," Lee said, chuckling.

I laughed in spite of myself.  "Damn right!"

"So how come you're back early?" Ryan asked, and my mood instantly deflated.
  I told them about the aborted weekend plans, and they were very
sympathetic.

"Wow," said Lee, "I never thought your mom would be that harsh!"

"Well, if it helps," Ryan offered, "I know a thing or two about unaccepting
mothers."

"Unfortunately, this is true," I said.  "Thanks, Ryan."

The three of us managed to have a fun evening, despite my gray mood.  We
took advantage of the beautiful weather and played mini golf (Ryan beat the
crap out of Lee and I) and bought snow cones.  Ryan filled me in on the
auditions for American Idol 3, which were apparently going pretty well.  Lee
told me that some of his poetry had been bought by a local magazine, and it
was going to be published in an upcoming issue featuring local writers.  All
in all, the night turned out pretty well.

Except one thing.

Clay never called.

I waited and waited for the phone to ring, but it never did.  I finally went
to sleep around two in the morning.  I spent all of Sunday lounging around
the apartment, taking care of little things here and there. I watched some
television and listened to some music.  It was such a lazy day that I didn't
even bother changing out of my pajamas.  Again, it was a pretty good day.

Except, again, there was no phone call from Clay.

Labor Day weekend was supposed to be relaxing, and as of Monday morning, it
had been anything but that.  When I got out of bed that morning, I decided
to see what was going on.  I was genuinely worried about Clay.  It wasn't
like him to just not call two nights in a row.  After showering and
dressing, I drove over to his house.

"Hey," he said when he opened the door.  I let myself in.

"Clay, is there something wrong?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said.  "Is there?"

That response threw me off a bit.  "What do you mean?"

He sighed.  "Randy, do you want to break up with me?"

Whoa.

"Whoa!" I said.  "What on earth gave you that idea?"

"I don't know.  I've just been thinking.  Maybe it would be easier..."

"On whom?" I asked, getting frantic.  "On my mother?  Sure.  On you?  On me?
  Not so much!"

"But..."

"Clay, listen to me," I told him.  I sat him down on the couch next to me
and grabbed his hands.  "I love you, and I want to be with you.  Yes, it
upsets me that my mother is having such a hard time with all of this.  But I
am NOT going to break up with you because of that.  You have become too
important to me to just give you up.  You have my heart, completely and
totally, one hundred percent."

Clay smiled.  "And you have mine."

I smiled back at him.  "And I'm not giving it back any time soon.  I'm
selfish like that."

We spent the remainder of the day just talking.  Well, not *just* talking,
but you know what I mean.  We actually did do a lot of talking, and got a
lot figured out.  We decided, for example, that it would just be best to let
my mother work this thing out on her own.  She could call when she felt like
talking once more.  We also reaffirmed to each other, many times over, that
neither of us was going anywhere.  We ate a nice, quiet dinner, and for the
first time over Labor Day weekend, I was able to relax.

***

I am SOOOO sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out!  I've been
busier than expected since I moved.  But I'm now all settled in, and will
(hopefully) be updating more often.  I hope there are still people
interested in this story!  As always, I look forward to hearing your
comments.  Send them to musicteacher2002@hotmail.com

Thanks, as usual, to Lee for editing my story.  You're awesome!

Well, I think that's about it for this installment.  Stay tuned for the next
one (which should be out much sooner, I promise!)  --Randy