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The giant fan to the side of me failed to do it's job. Merely moving the thick and humid Georgia air around me instead of cooling me off at all. It was hard to breathe. Hard to concentrate. And the gentle trick of sweat that kept sliding off of my forehead and into my eyes made it difficult to read the new sides of script that I had been given for my next scene. My scene with Chandler Riggs.
Great. That doesn't make breathing any easier!
I kept reading the words, but my mind was constantly wandering back to the last few seasons of the 'Walking Dead' series as it played out on TV. How I first took notice of Chandler, simply because he was a boy like me. And then...as time went on...I began to realize that my interest in him had gone a little deeper than that. He just got taller, and thinner, and his hair got longer...until he was so damn cute that my ring tinder spot of a crush had grown into a full blown infatuation over time. Almost as though my television set had 'tricked' me into it. There's a part of me that wanted to become an actor JUST for the chance to get a cheap feel off of him someday. Hehehe! So...his appeal had gone beyond the average celebrity crush for me. It was coupled with my very realization that I was gay in the first place. Giving it this untouchable aura of nostalgia when it came to knowing myself as a sexual being. Not many people get to be in the presence of their idols. Especially the ones they're romantically obsessed with. Just looking at the lines of dialogue on the piece of paper sitting in my lap was giving me the shivers...simply because I knew that I'd be speaking these very words to Chandler, and he'd be speaking his lines back to me.
We'd be looking into each other's eyes.
I'd be close enough to feel his body heat. To smell the sweetness of his boyish breath. How was I going to possibly DEAL with that? Watching a cute boy on TV was one thing. Being on set with him, knowing that he likes boys too, AND that he just recently had his bottom raided by Asa less than an hour ago in a trailer off set? That's a whole different story. A much hotter one! With graphic visuals that sent involuntary tingles down my spine every time it crossed my mind.
Today was going to be rough on me. Really....really...rough.
"We're just a few minutes away from needing you on set, Evan." Said one of the PA's, checking her clipboard and scratching things off her list.
My breath got even shorter. Almost time. Almost. So close. Shit...I hope I remember my lines. I need more water.
It's a small scene, but it's the first time that it's ever been just me and Chandler and nobody else. This is such a freaky experience. What is that noise? Is that my heart beating like that? Jesus!
"Evan? Evan Elliott?" The director called me over for lighting and make-up, and my voice was so strained with tension that I was almost afraid to answer. Then...even when I did speak up, or should I say squeak up, I found it hard to get my feet to move me in the right direction. Every shaky step I took brought me a few inches closer to Chandler. Every...little...step.
I saw Asa smile at me as he walked past, reaching out to pat me on the shoulder. "Good luck, Evan. You'll be great." I'm sure he knows about me. I'm sure of it. And I'm sure he told Chandler too. So now they both know. And if they know about ME, and being in Greyson's hotel room confirms their suspicions...did I just 'out' Greyson Chance too? What if he wasn't quite ready to have other people know just yet? I mean, he doesn't seem to really be ashamed of his sexuality or anything, but that wasn't exactly a cue to say, 'Hey, Evan...why don't you go out and tell the WORLD?'
Is this going to be a mess? This looks like it's going to be a mess. It feels like the potential energy of a fine vase sitting at the very edge of a tabletop just WAITING to fall over. I hope I can keep things balanced. By accident for now...and then through practice and skill later on. I really don't want to screw everything up by being such a novice at all of this.
As I walked closer, Chandler looked up at me and gave me the sweetest grin. God, I could see the blue in his eyes from 20 paces, easy.
A brief flash went through my mind. With Asa on top of him naked...pushing into him while Chandler gasped with delight...holding Asa's body close with the ecstasy of penetration. Eyes closed...mouth open...body shifting back and forth with every passionate thrust.
I wiped it out of my mind as soon as I was able to figure out what I was thinking about. But you'd be surprised how a short, two second, flash of sexual intimacy can linger on a teenage mind. Great...now I'm thinking about THAT again!
"Heyyyyy, s'up, Evan?" He said, and surprised me by giving me a hug around the shoulders. "Are we killing zombies together today, or what?"
"Heh...ummm...sure. If you want to..." I was trembling so bad that I was worried my teeth would start chattering if I said much more.
Thankfully, a few last minute make up people came to tend to our 'look', and I was distracted by having people playfully toss my hair from one side to the other, covering any tiny spots or imperfections that they could find...any that might show up on camera, that is...and gave me a light mist with the spray bottle. Not that I needed it. The hot, Summer, sun mixed with the stress of being this close to Chandler was creating a heavy perspiration that I'm sure was going to look MUCH more authentic on film than anything they could create artificially with that blasted bottle.
Okay...what am I doing here? Where's my head at?
They fixed me up, and Chandler got a little extra treatment before they let him go too. He turned to me again and said, "You should drop some hints at getting a bigger part, dude. A few scenes here, a few scenes there...fans watching the show will want you to come back for more seasons. They listen to that kind of thing, you know? Directors and studio execs and the like."
"Oh yeah?" I said. Why am I still so nervous? He's just a BOY, for crying out loud! And you already have a boyfriend...I think! So why is this so difficult?
"Definitely! It's awesome. Besides, it's awesome to hang out with more people my age on the show. Everybody else is older. If you get to be a popular character on the show, then they'll keep bringing you back for more and more episodes. I think that would be cool. You and I can hang out. You know? Between takes? Maybe on the weekends and stuff too."
It was like I could feel my lungs filling up with ice cubes when he said that. "Oh....ummm, k..." I said under my breath.
Just then, the director came over to give us our positions , and he told us to crawl under the truck. I was a bit lost as to what he meant by that at first, but they had this rusty old truck on the set, not far from where we were standing...and they had something that looked like bathroom mats underneath it for us to lay on. I saw Chandler get down on his knees, and crawl underneath the truck in the dust and the dirt. I was quick to follow him so I wouldn't look so lost in my direction.
I have to admit to sneaking a good long peek at Chandler's ass as he crawled under that truck. I took a mental picture of it for memory. It's such a nicely shaped duo of squeezable buns that I'd gladly drop down and shove my face in if it weren't for all these witnesses. Oh, and...you know...the whole sexual assault thing. I don't think that would look too good on my actor's resume.
'Is Evan Elliott hard to work with?'
'Well, you might have to worry about him lustfully smashing his FACE up against your ass every now and then...but he's alright as teen actors go.'
Yeah, doesn't sound good.
So, I was underneath this truck, on my belly, shoulder to shoulder with Chandler Riggs, waiting for them to adjust the lighting and set up the first shot or two...and that left us to talk some more. Just us. You know...hehehe...talking.
I know he's an actual person like everybody else, but...I look over at him, and I can't help but to feel the surreal nature of sharing space with someone that I once could only see on a TV screen. At one point, I kind of blurted out, "You know...this was always a big dream of mine. I mean, I've been watching this show from the first episode, and...it's so much more than I expected it to be. I, sometimes, still can't believe I'm here."
"Me either, to tell you the truth." He said.
"Seriously? I can't imagine. You were one of the main reasons that I got so addicted in the first place." I don't think that came out the way I used to imagine that it would, but he was basically an idol of mine...and I felt good about being able to tell him that.
"Wow. You don't say..." Chandler smirked.
"Yeah..." A boyish giggle left my lips, and I lowered my head as my cheeks turned red from the spontaneous confession. "...You're kind of the reason that I even went out on all the auditions for the part. I don't think I actually expected to land the role, but I was hoping to get close enough to just...meet you and stuff." What was I doing? Was I flirting? Was I feeling that nervous jitter again? The same one I felt when Greyson first appeared outside the marking lines of the set?
"That's awesome." He smiled warmly. Another flash of him and Asa having sex danced behind my eyes, and as his bright blue orbs glowed in the midday sun, I found myself squirming to get comfortable again. "Well, I'm glad you got the role, Evan."
"Heh, I was sure that Asa would get it. I mean, wow...I figured he'd get anything that he went out for. I'm not really in his league."
"I'm sure he'd leave plenty of room for you. Hehehe, if you guys both come back when we start shooting next season, that would be awesome too." He said. Our eyes connected again, but he let the contact linger for a while longer than what I would consider normal. It lingered with 'purpose', you know? It was delivering a deliberate message...from his wants to my needs. I just didn't quite know how to decipher it yet. "See, Evan? This is why we need to hang out more. How long have you been on set now, and we haven't done anything yet?" 'Done anything'? What does he mean by 'done anything'. "Are you a gamer?"
"You know...Minecraft? League Of Legends? What do you play?" He asked.
"Oh. Ummm...I guess I can get around a few games of 'Call Of Duty' every now and then..."
Before I could even finish, he was like, "SWEET! See? You should give me your handle today when we wrap. We can hang out online some time. My parents are kinda strict on the homework thing, but it's Summer. So we'll have all the time in the world."
Sheepishly, I asked, "What about Asa? I figured you guys would be hanging out all Summer long."
"We do. We hang out a bunch of times. But he still goes out on auditions and stuff while he's here in the States. He's still wondering if he wants to take that whole Marvel 'Spiderman' role. Hehehe!"
My eyes widened, "He's gonna be Spiderman???"
"Nah. I highly doubt it." Chandler told me. "I think he had a few talks for it, but with Marvel weaving all their movies together the way they are...you kinda have to sign a contract that makes you their bitch for the next ten years or so. That's a big commitment. Besides, I think Asa is more for the smaller indie flicks. He likes those best. It would be one hell of a paycheck though. He'll still probably turn it down."
"Hehehe...weird." I don't know why I said it. Probably just a lack of anything else to say.
Chandler said, "Anyway, a few more months...and Asa will be heading back home. Overseas, you know? We keep in touch but it's not the same thing as having a friend close by. Like...when I need one." The air suddenly got thick again. More sweat trickling down the side of my face. I could hear Chandler's voice soften a little bit, and he scooted an inch or two closer to me on the mats beneath us. "Sometimes...I really need someone to be close to. You know. Like...pretty bad. Heh..."
Oh my dear sweet Lord! What was he TELLING me??? Is he hinting at me maybe taking Asa's place while he's away? To make love to him repeatedly while he dug his fingers into my back and moaned my name out loud in my ear? Why couldn't this have happened on day one?
"Oh. Okay..." I mumbled breathlessly, looking downward as my fingers began to gently play in the dirt beneath us. I wasn't used to this sort of thing. Not at all. Not even from Greyson. I think Chandler was actually hitting on me right now. He was being nice about it. I mean it didn't seem creepy or anything. In fact, I found it to be one of the most flattering experiences of my life. I just...wish I knew what to say.
I found the courage to look up into those deep blue eyes of his for a moment, and he lightly brushed some of his long hair to the side to use them as a weapon against me. My gaze was locked onto his for a moment...and it was almost like a powerful magnet was pulling on my heart. I couldn't understand why. I'd never be able to put the appeal into words. There's something so alluring about Chandler that is really hard to pull away from, the moment you catch even the slightest glimpse of it. He's like...got this 'very first crush' allure to him. You know, when you're growing up, and you have that super awesome BEST friend who lives next door to you, and you end up falling madly in love with him once you discover that your feelings for him run deeper than you ever thought they could? That's what Chandler Riggs' whole persona feels when he looks into your eyes like that. When he says the things he says. Dammit, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BREATHE???
With a heavy blush and a giggle that made me ashamed to claim that it came from 'me'...I lowered my head and broke the eye contact to concentrate on my hands in the dirt. This was all a bit sudden for me. I felt as though I was being swept up in a powerful current that I truly wasn't prepared to tread.
"Hehehe, what?" Chandler asked, leaning his head down a bit to try to regain our eye contact. "What's funny?"
"Hehehe, nothing. Really. I'm just...nevermind. It's nothing."
"You sure?" He said. This was happening so fast. SO fast! "What do you say, Evan? Can you and I be friends?"
I suddenly got a brief flash of Chandler completely naked in that trailer. Laying on his back, his soft skin moist with the sheen of sex. Knees bent and helping to cling to Asa's sleek body as his hips made sensual circles...pushing into the unbelievable tightness of my TV crush. I can only imagine how his inner muscles gripped the pulsing shaft with every insertion. I can only dream of what it would be like to take Asa's place. To lay on top of Chandler like he did, kiss those soft lips, and sink my lubricated inches deep into the clutching walls of his inviting hole. To feel his warmth swirl around me, reacting to my every kiss, my every touch, my every labored breath as it breezed the invisible hairs on the nape of his neck.
He's giving me the green light. He's basically TELLING me that it would be ok! I mean, is this all in my head. Words can be misinterpreted, I'm sure, but...not when combined with the look he was giving me. I may be a novice, but I know what that look means. I think it's a deeply embedded primal instinct for all of us to know when someone wants us to bang them silly right here on the movie set.
Even after just having sex with Asa not long ago...Chandler seemed to wiggle with a craving to be filled up again. By me! It made me wonder if he would strip down and lay back for me too. If he would let me pump that beautiful ass until I lost all control and squirted into him before the next scene on set. The sensation of my heated flesh on his, our tongues sliding against one another while he held on to me, trying his best to bear the painful pleasure of giving his young body to me without restriction.
I could do it.
I could do it right now.
And if I do it well enough...he'd let me do it again...
Maybe Asa would like to listen at the window. Maybe he'd like to watch. Or...
Maybe...I can have a taste of them both...
It's not something that I had ever really considered before. I figured that threesomes were just some made up scenario that was only useful to prostitutes and porn stars. But what if it's REAL? And what if I can, like...DO it? You know? The very idea of it made me feel faint and uneasy. I don't think I'd even KNOW what to do with two hot and hard penises at once! But...I guess I learned how to use an analog joystick controller for my XBOX, so anything is possible.
"Hehehe...Evan?" Chandler asked.
SHIT! I guess I did kind of wander off there for a minute, didn't I?
"OH! Yeah! Totally. It would be cool if you and I were...you know...friends." I smiled at him, causing my blush to get even worse, heating my whole face up and causing more sweat to trickle down my cheek in response.
"Cool..." He grinned. "I'd like that."
What did I just do? Did I just agree to something and not know it? Well, technically, it's not like I shouted out, 'GOD, I want you so bad right now!' But...I know that's what I was thinking. I know that I just answered his 'friend request' question with the intention of possibly...well...climbing on top of him and humping that smooth, round, bottom until splashes of my hot release flooded his constricted hole. I couldn't have been more happy to have been laying on my belly under that truck at that moment. In fact, another few pushes of my hips against this bathroom mat beneath me, and I'm going to end up having to go back to wardrobe for another pair of pants.
Just at that moment, the director kneeled down in front of us and gave us some prop rifles for the next scene. "Alright. Here you go. Now are both of you boys ready? We're rolling in about five minutes."
Chandler was quick to say, "Yeah. I'm down."
Then the director handed me the rifle and asked, "How about you, Evan? Are you good? Lines and all?"
"I'm...uhhh, yeah. Definitely." I said.
"Ok. Did props teach you how to load and unload one of these? You got it down?"
So...I'm not really all that skilled with guns. Not even pretend guns. A part of me wanted to lie. I was holding the gun in my hand already. In front of Chandler, in front of the director...in front of everybody. It's weird, but you feel like a wimp for not knowing how to operate a zombie killing gun. Even at my age.
Chandler decided to speak up for me, "It's ok. I'll show him." He turned to me and said, "It took me a while to get the hang of it too. I had to really practice over the last few seasons."
The director looked at both of us, and said, "Alright. Make sure you show him load and UNload. Ok? Let's try get this done in the first few takes."
He left, and I was there with Chandler...his warm body leaning even closer than ever before in order to show and teach me what I needed to know. He was so close, that I could feel wisps of his long hair brushing against my cheek. I don't think that was an accident either. He meant for us to have that contact.
I mean...am I cheating? I'm one of those despicable cheaters, aren't I?
"See? You cock back the barrel like this, and when you do this, it ejects the shell. But if you want to LOAD a few live rounds...." He just kept going as though it was no big deal. But it WAS a big deal! At least...to ME, it was! Because if I didn't kiss this boy as hard as I can, for as LONG as I can, I may very well regret it the rest of my life!
Not only is he a sweet guy with a sweet personality, but he wants to get some loving from me! He wants that snug little hole to be available to me, and it's turned my brain over to total LUST mode! I should do it! I should totally go for it.
No...no wait. I should stay with Greyson! Greyson is my sweetheart and we have so much in common already! What kind of an asshole would I be if I fell for such a bullshit temptation like this? I should be loyal. I should stay true to the boy that I'm trying to build something 'special' with, shouldn't I?
I wrestled with it for a few moments. I really did. At that very moment, Greyson felt like he was soooooo far away. I couldn't reach out and touch him. I couldn't appreciate the warmth of his embrace, or feel the softness of his hair, or taste the sweetness of his boyish kisses as they touched my eager lips. And I was forced to measure what I really felt for him against the instant gratification of knowing that I could be 20 minutes away from totally 'doing' Chandler Riggs in a trailer and getting off right here and now.
It seems like it should be a really easy answer. When you're thinking logically!
But there was a part of my brain that kept screaming, 'DO IT!!!! Omigod, he's gonna be so TIGHT! You're going to cum so HARD inside of that boy! It's Chandler Riggs! You saw him get fucked already! DO IT!!! Do it and be happy!'
But...as tempting as the offer was, thoughts of Greyson lingered in my mind. I honestly did try to convince myself that me and Greyson had just met. I can't even remember a time when we chose to make things official between us. Right? It's not like we said it out loud.
But...that was bullshit, wasn't it? I was just making excuses. Anything to get some instantaneous pleasure from the cute boy lying next to me.
Then, as if by some level of divine intervention, Chandler told me to hold still. He looked at my shoulder, and my eyes followed his line of sight to see what he was staring at. He was like, "There's a ladybug on you."
For a moment, Chandler's deep voice had lulled me into a mini trance that I couldn't get away from. I saw the small beetle on my shoulder, and gave him a subtle smirk as I watched it crawling along...minding its own business.
I thought about Greyson's beauty and the cute way he took the little bug up on his fingertip that day we had lunch together to make sure that it was ok. But...Chandler had a different approach altogether.
I jumped slightly as Chandler roughly swatted the bug off my arm, slapping it out into the dust before me. "These things are fuckin' everywhere, right? Hehehe!" He said.
I'm not sure where the ladybug went to, but it was certainly out of my sight.
Chandler wasn't really mean about it. Not at all. But....
I think my sweetie would have been more...ummm...sweet about it.
It just made me think a bit more. Even with Asa coming forward to watch us film with an ice cold bottle of water, and Chandler still giving me glances with highly flirtatious eyes...I missed Greyson's gentle nature. I missed his grace. Am I doing this right? Any of this?
The last thing that I want to do is make the kind of mistake that ruins everything I could have had if I wasn't so stupid.
"Dude...as soon as we're done here, I want to show you where Asa and I go to play when we want to get away from things for a while. You game?"
Sighhhh....I don't know. Am I?