~*~ Every last word of the pages to follow is from an author's vast imagination and is therefore not supported in true reality. Although the characters to be featured are prominently factual, the numerous scenarios, situations, and events they will encounter throughout the course of the tale are not! Its principal objective is that of enjoyment and entertainment to you, the reader.
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~*~ Losing the Sense of Purpose ~*~
Dark shadows overstep their bounds on the horizon line with only false lights providing hope for the people. There is no Moon hanging against the black sky and very few stars are visible under nightfall. It is as if they know what is going on. Light from outside slithers down on the hardwood floors of his bedroom and slowly up to the large bed he is sleeping on. The light seems to be stalking him and he is unaware of it but not for long. There is a messy bump on the bed and pillows are all over as the songster continues to dominate it to catch up on all the rest he has been missing out on. Cool air keeps the blanket over his body and the house is silent to the point of insanity. Justin has been sleeping ever since Kobe left him alone and now it is shortly after one in the morning. Timberlake can sleep no more and his body starts shifting and moving around until he is finally awake in the middle of the night.
"Kobe---" is his first word after he sits up on the bed in his room. "Baby?"
Realizing that he is alone, the recovering singer reaches over to flick on a nearby lamp and gives himself a moment to let his eyes get used to all the new light. His room is lonely and cold; it brings back memories of the night before and where he spent it but still, there is no comparison as to where he would rather be. A few minutes is used to recollect and sort all of his thoughts and emotions. There are too many running around in his body to track down but he does the best he can under the circumstances. Justin has to get out of these clothes and his stomach is growling for something, anything to eat. The dizziness and fatigue are gone now and thankfully, his fever broke. Everything seems to be inching its way back to normalcy. Missing it the first time around, there is a standing, folded piece of paper with his name written on the outside nestled next to his lifeless phone on the nightstand.
When you wake up, call me. No matter the time. –KB
Timberlake gains a new smile as he reads the small paper again and even sits there and analyzes his boyfriend's neat writing style. It is past one in the morning though. But the instructions are right there for him to follow so he cannot ignore it. He grabs the phone from the stand and turns it on to see what he missed since yesterday. The mobile device immediately screams at him; it only means that he has at least one voicemail. He first checks over fifty text messages though. A lot are from his parents, his mother mainly, and the songster knows that there is at least one voicemail from her as well. Dealing with that will have to be held off until he is ready. The rest of the text messages are from his publicist, agents, managers, and even one from Timbaland. As expected, most are from his mother and one from his manager and then the rest from agents. But, one is different from all others.
"I heard what happened. Call me okay. You'll be fine. You're strong Justin. I miss you man. Just call me--"
JC Chasez left him the message. They have not spoken since the fight where he found out his best friend was going to be a father. It feels so good to hear his voice again and his concern does seem genuine. Timberlake does not even contemplate on the decision to call his friend back but not now. He does not want to explain anything to anyone yet. It will all happen sooner or later anyway. There is only one person he wants to talk to at this moment. He will have a lot of messages to return to everyone but that is reserved for tomorrow. Everything will be straightened out starting tomorrow morning so he will only start worrying about it then. Despite the better part of himself telling him to go back to bed, Justin's selfish side indulges him in a conversation with his boyfriend. He speedily searches through his phone to dial the number before his mind shifts once again. It starts ringing.
Even in the middle of the night his voice is still smooth and sexy, "Hello?"
"Justin? Hold on," Kobe replies as there is suddenly movement on the line.
Kobe Bryant is sleeping in his bed with his girlfriend Vanessa at his side but he does not know that. She did not hear the phone ring and has not heard any of the few words thereafter. He easily slips out from under their comfortable blanket and searches around for his boxers because he is naked. There are on the floor; Vanessa got extremely frisky only a few short hours ago. He slips them on to cover up his manhood and walks along the floor to covertly glide out of the room and into any other room. Any room away from her. It is a close call but he has to talk to Justin. The baller has to know that everything is okay with him and that he is safe now. He gently shuts the master bedroom's door behind him and finds his way through the dark downstairs where he is a whole other floor away from his girlfriend. So he can talk to his boyfriend. Bryant is able to settle in a guest bedroom downstairs alone.
"Hey---sorry about that," his voice comes back on the line.
"It's okay. I know it's late."
"That's not important---you are. So how are you doing? How do you feel?"
"Better. I'm going to find something to eat right now."
"Good. Did you just wake up?"
"Yeah," Justin confirms to him. "And I got your note. How long did it take me to fall asleep?"
"A little while. You were moving around a lot."
"It was hard---" the R&B superstar trails off.
"I know baby. But I have some good news."
"I finalized all my plans today."
"Okay---" Justin is genuinely confused. "What does that mean?"
"That means---Mr. Timberlake---that I'm all yours starting the day after tomorrow," Bryant informs him in such a sweet tone.
"You got it baby. I have a jet picking you up from LAX on Friday afternoon and taking you away for as long as you want."
"You did this for me?"
"For you and for us Justin. I know how much I've missed you and I'd like to think that you've missed me a lot too."
"I do miss you a lot---" Timberlake reassures. "I have---"
This conversation is making him feel so much better. Justin has since left his room and is headed down to the kitchen to find something to satisfy his early morning hunger. He knows his body is still frail and weak but strength and stamina are returning to the rightful place inside him. In the kitchen, he opens the refrigerator to find something to munch on and when nothing catches his eye, he decides on making a sandwich instead. Bryant is still on the phone with him at this hour of the night and his voice alone is helping the songster relax and reclaim what is his. He simply puts two pieces of bread together with sliced turkey and cheese to create his dinner or breakfast, technically. Timberlake sits nearby when he starts to feel light-headed; there is no sustenance in him so he is still weak. He rests the phone nearby and puts speaker on while he eats to regain himself. It can only be small steps.
"What are you eating?" his athlete boyfriend questions him.
"I made a sandwich. Sorry if my mouth sounds full---"
"Baby---you really should stop saying that."
"That you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for---"
Justin thinks for a moment and when he swallows the bite of his sandwich adds, "I hate that you're worried about me. I don't want you to be."
"But I am. And that's okay. I actually---like worrying about you," Kobe slightly laughs at his own words.
"I feel---closer to you when you're on my mind. And you've been on my mind a lot, especially over the past weeks."
"---Because I've been acting like a spoiled, selfish jerk?"
"Justin---no. I won't let you do that!" his voice is firm but caring at the same time.
"I don't know why you put up with it---me," the singer has a lapse of insecurity.
"Because---" Bryant stumbles at the negative comment and tries to recover quickly.
"Relax. You're being way too hard on yourself baby."
Forgiving himself is easier said than done though because it is only his fault that he is feeling this way now. That he had to be rushed to the hospital and have a needle stuck in his arm all night. He has every right to be hard on himself but Kobe being so understanding and forgiving is making this transition a lot smoother. The sandwich is gone and the glass of milk is rapidly getting there. Timberlake has never been a huge fan of milk but he is suddenly craving it for some odd reason. The only thing left now is for him to take a shower and go back to bed. Bryant is not here with him so there is not really much else to do but catch up on rest. Maybe his thoughts will finally be able to get some rest too. It is too late to keep this conversation going because Justin realizes that they both need their rest and he will not selfishly keep his boyfriend up. They have plenty of time to be together. The rest of their lives even.
"I'll let you go back to sleep now---" Timberlake says as he rests the dirty dishes in the sink and walks back to his room.
"What---no. I'm staying right here."
"Baby I hate this so much."
"You have to get all your strength back."
"Not that," he says while walking up the stairs. "I hate that you're so worried about me."
The Los Angeles Laker stays silent for a second and then, "I remember a certain very handsome singer making me promise to lean on him whenever I needed to---"
"---And I promised that I would come to you when things got out of control. I wouldn't keep it inside."
"Uhuh. You don't want to break your promise do you?" Bryant continues to entice him with the truth.
"I promise to talk to you---but not right now. I can't right now," he balances it out with.
"Okay. That's all I needed to hear J. I'll call you okay?"
"Okay. Good night."
"Good night baby."
Timberlake is outside on the upper floor balcony directly connected to his room. The air is mild and its freshness is doing his head wonders. Their relationship is becoming so serious and, while comforting, it is definitely a time for reevaluation and reflection. All these insecurities and emotional meltdowns cannot be happening anymore. He has to take care of himself both physically and emotionally. He is a little boy no longer and cannot count on anyone to look out for him nor should he have to. This breeze is working wonders on him. The lights and scenes of outside are also calming him even when his mind is stuck on his mother and essentially, his father. He cannot forgive that. His father hates him. It would be far too easy to slip away on that alone but Justin will not let that satisfaction be felt by him. He is too weak now to fight it off. Just then, his phone sounds from behind him.
"Hello?" Timberlake picks up the unknown number and sits back on the bed.
"Hey Justin---it's me," a familiar voice makes itself known.
"JC---hi. What's going on man?"
"I left you a message---did you get it?"
"Yeah. Thank you---"
His best friend interrupts him with, "For what? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What's going on---" an onslaught of question barrages the recovering crooner.
"I'm okay. Just taking it easy for a while."
"Good. Man I was so worried about you---"
"---Where are you?"
"I'm in Paris. Oh---it's late isn't it?"
"Yeah. But I was sleeping all afternoon---" Justin reassures and now he knows that the whole world knows about him.
It is a disheartening thought to know the entire world knows about his mistakes and although he should be used to it being in the public spotlight and all, sometimes it is hard to cope. JC's concern does sound genuine and it is making him feel a lot better especially after the last time they spoke, or argued with one another. He has to be in Paris with the mother of his child and it is a comforting thought to Justin but he will not dare jump to anything even remotely relating to a conclusion. The R&B songster will simply keep his thoughts to himself unless provoked to share them. This way, there should be a lot less tension between the pair. Timberlake wonders what the news and magazines are saying about that night. About how and why it happened. Now that it is global news, he really should stay off the radar for a little while to recollect himself before having to deal with this high-stress job; his career.
"You are okay right J?" he asks in a more serious tone.
"Tell me everything."
"No---" the singing star interjects easily. "Not like this. When will you be back?"
"In the States---I'm not sure. Do you want to come here and relax with me for a few days?"
"No---I can't. I want to talk to you Josh but not now," he repeats almost the same words that he did to Kobe Bryant earlier.
"Me too Justin. I really want to see you."
"Call me when you're back okay," Justin requests.
"I will do that."
"Take care of yourself Timberlake?"
"I'll try---" he tries to joke.
"Not funny. I love you Justin---you're my brother," Chasez expresses himself as a means of ending this hostility between them.
"You're mine too. I love you JC. I'll see you later."
Their friendship just took a huge positive step in the right direction and neither of them could be happier about it. He has many things to tell his best friend and it cannot wait but it has to for his sake. JC is overseas hopefully tying to fix the relationship between him and the future mother of his child and that alone deserves respect. He sits back on his bed and wonders what she is like. If she is nice and pretty. Despite everything that has happened, Chasez deserves only the best because no matter how tense things get between them, Justin is sure that he will always be there when he needs him. The feeling is mutual. It is almost three in the morning and he is yawning and rubbing his eyes. Timberlake wants his man here to cuddle with and hold him and tell him that everything is over now. It will be fine. He falls back asleep with the phone next to him and comfortably hugging onto a pillow.
Light defeats dark in the never ending cycle of life to bring morning and all the hope and promise of another day with it. Dew silently purrs on bladed grass before sliding off back into the abyssal vortex to be recreated once again. Wind blows frigidly as winter feels more upon the town now than ever before. The light however, is not a bright and sparkly one but a dull, stagnant, and almost petrified one. Above clouds that hang in the sky are desolate gray in color and they stretch out for miles at a time. The streets of the neighborhood are silent with the occasional disturbance of a car every now and again. Outside is uninvitingly dreary without the Sun but it will never stop the world from moving on. Nothing can accomplish that feat ever. There is no light to shine through his windows to wake him so Justin Timberlake sleeps until he wakes up on his own. He has no place to be anyway.
When the songster finally wakes to see the drabness that is outside, he smiles because cloudy and rainy days are his most favorite of all. And it has been this way from ever since he can remember. The rain is his calming medication and he promises that gray clouds heal him immensely. Though the idea is completely farfetched, Timberlake likes to hold on to these ideals because they are somewhat comforting to him. And a little comfort is all he is looking for presently. He looks outside through his large balcony doors and finally manages to peel himself away to go take a shower and find himself some breakfast. The hardwood floor of his bedroom is cold when his bare feet comes in contact with it and he makes his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. Justin brushes his teeth and then strips away his old clothing to take his morning shower. It will invigorate his skin and fully wake him up.
Justin is unsure of the time; he forgot to check his clock or his phone when he got up but it should not matter. He has all the time at the moment and today is his last day in this house before he gets to officially go away with his boyfriend and spend some alone time with him. The single thought excites every nerve in his body and it becomes harder to concentrate when he is rubbing his ecstatic skin with a bar of soap. Just then, something happens. A heavy recorded voice alerts him through the house's internal speakers that there is someone at the front door. Before Timberlake has a moment to think, it sounds again. He turns the shower off and grabs a towel and barely rubs himself down before fastening it around his waist and heading out of his bedroom. He should check the monitors in the kitchen to see who it is but he will just make do this time as apparent by his state of undress.
The R&B superstar opens the door to a grinning Chad Michael Murray and his words, "Funny---you don't look sick to me."
"Chad? Hey---" he responds completely off guard and is immediately feels the rush of freezing air assault all of his pores.
"Hey Justin. Shouldn't you let me in before you turn into a popsicle?" Murray smirks while stealing stares at the specimen before him. "Or is this a bad time---"
"Shut up and come in!"
The young and extremely handsome actor passes him by; he smells so clean, and enters the house while the door slams shut behind him. He looks around the surrounding areas as he hears Justin excuse himself to go and get changed. Chad's crystal blue eyes follow him until he disappears up the stairs and a sense of relief escapes him forever. He is safe and he looks good. He hears a screaming voice from upstairs inform him to make himself at home and then it goes silent once again. With his mind quickly raveling back together to form a cohesive unit, the One Tree Hill star walks deeper into the house to wait for his friend. Everything is clean and in place; this is more than a bachelor pad. It feels like a real home. Murray sits at the table in the kitchen and stares out at the gray sunless day thinking. Timberlake walks to the great room soon after getting off the stairs and he sees no one there.
"How did I know I'd find you in the kitchen?" he chastises playfully upon entering the room and noticing the signs of life there.
"Shut up!" Chad spits back.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you. How are you feeling?"
"I'm good. How do you know where I live?"
"I called a couple of people," the other blonde states. "I had to see you."
"Do you want something to eat? I was just about to make breakfast."
There is some unspoken tension between the pair and the singing star takes longer to pick up on it than his guest. He rummages through the refrigerator to find some eggs and toast. Something simple to keep their, his strength up. Soon, cooking essences float through the room and they hardly talk while he is busily preparing breakfast. Chad wonders how wise it is having him prepare breakfast seeing all that he has been through but he cannot say anything. He wants answers. It may be wrong of him and not even his place but he will not stop feeling the way he does. Justin means more to him than some of his friends that he has known for years and years and they have not even known each other that long. The R&B star serves them breakfast at the same table where he sat last night and talked to his boyfriend. Justin sits next to the actor and sips his orange juice before he starts eating.
"I'm okay. I know you're watching me---" Timberlake breaks the silence between them.
"I---wasn't taking care of myself."
"What do you mean?" Murray is suddenly more intrigued now.
"I wasn't eating---sleeping. Anything---"
"I don't know---" he trails off and picks up the half full glass of orange juice.
"Do you remember that night---"
"---At the club? Yeah."
"I knew something was wrong but---" Chad carefully chooses his words but this Justin is clearly different from the one of that night.
He remembers the night mainly because his guilt forces him to do so. Chad is his friend and he has been a good listener so he deserves none of that ever. His iciness. His careless attitude. His profoundly selfish demeanor overall. There was concern and worry on his face that night at the bar of Area but he was far too caught up in his own world to care about anyone else. Or how his actions were hurting more than him. He allowed no one to help him and this is the end result. Timberlake has to make amends here because he knows the actor is a genuine friend and that is rare. And especially rare in this industry they are in. He has hurt so many people with his malevolent behavior and it is taking a toll on him mentally. It is becoming stressful and unmanageable. No. Justin will not allow this to control him again but he cannot tell Murray everything he is longing to tell Kobe. He will have to be careful.
"Listen---I was in a dark place," he begins.
"I couldn't deal with a lot of things so I tried to push it all away and it ended up hurting me more than anything else," Timberlake tries to explain after he takes a bite of eggs.
"Oh. Are you any better?"
"I would like to think so. But I know I still have some things I have to work out on my own."
"Okay---" Chad's voice trails off and he drinks some orange juice.
"I never meant to push you away Chad. I'm sorry for everything I said that night. How I acted---"
"Hey it's okay. I was so worried about you after that."
"Things got out of control---I let them get out of control," the songster sadly replies.
"Justin I want to be your friend. You're a great guy."
"You are my friend Chad. You're one of the few people I can confide in."
"That means a lot---"
"You mean a lot to me. I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen."
The pair finishes up breakfast and Justin feels so much better that he is at least able to get some things off his chest and begin the healing process with the young actor in front of him. Making amends will most definitely be the hardest part of this journey but it is the most important one if he wants to have anyone to care about after this is all over. This includes his parents as well. He can definitely forgive his mother for walking out on him that day but his father is still a source of tremendous hurt for him. He clears the table and his head is feeling much better than it has in past weeks. It is an amazingly insightful sensation. Chad looks at him as he quickly cleans up the kitchen and wonders what is going on in his mind. Timberlake is one of the most secure and self-aware people he knows so his deductions do not add up fully. He cannot question him in this fragile state however; he doubts he even has the right.
"Thanks for breakfast," Murray appreciates when Justin brushes by the table one last time to make sure everything is clean.
"You're welcome. Thanks for trying to look out for me---"
"It's not as easy as I thought it would be but someone has to do it I guess," he teases slightly.
"Okay okay. You can have that one. Did you fly out here to see me or were you already here?" Justin becomes serious and asks.
"What does it matter J?"
"It matters to me. Please---tell me."
"Um---yes. I heard on the news that night what happened and then I started calling around to find out where you house was. I jumped on a plane the next day and spent the night at a hotel nearby and here I am now. I honestly didn't know if you were going to be here though. I'm glad you are because I really had to see you."
"You did that for me?" he is surprised and flattered.
"Of course Justin. You're my friend and I was---scared."
Justin walks over to him; he is now standing by the window watching him clean up the last of their mess and hugs him. His arms go around Chad's back tightly and he rests his head next to the beautiful actor's. It takes no impulse at all for him to return the hug to his recovering friend. No. The same smell he experienced at the door earlier eagerly fills his nostrils as they both embrace for a while longer. The R&B crooner feels safe and he does not want to let go just yet because he has not felt safe in a good while. Murray's arms are on his lower back and everything is silent before they are finally able to break apart. Timberlake's smile makes everything worth it but it is also pure wickedness at the same time. A satirical wickedness that is unlikely to happen. He finishes up in the kitchen while the One Tree Hill star walks away and to another room of the house to do some exploring of his own.
It is bad but he the superstar has to keep the majority of his thoughts to himself. Another part of guilt is gnawing at him but it will have to be this way because no one can know. His relationship with Kobe Bryant has to remain a secret and the less people who know about it, the better. He supposes that this secrecy is a contributing factor to his apparent downfall. Being in such a wonderful relationship and not having the option to share it with the world is stressful and almost demeaning in a way. There is no choice in the matter though. Chad cannot know the depths of his true thoughts and feelings. No. No one but Kobe can know that. Timberlake knows he will only feel truly vindicated and ready to most past this incident once he and his boyfriend talk. Justin leaves the kitchen when it is clean and goes searching for the other blonde man in his house. He catches up a few rooms later and walks in.
"This is a nice place you got here---" he says when he hears the footsteps behind him.
Murray turns around to face him and asks one more time, "So you're okay right?"
"Yeah. I'm good. Nothing some rest can't fix."
"Okay. I should get going."
"Are you sure? You could hang out with me for the day."
As tempting as it sounds, "I'd like that but I know you need to be by yourself to collect up all your thoughts and think things through. It's okay. There'll be other times."
"There sure will be," Justin reassures them both. "Let me walk you out then."
"I'm so glad you're okay," Chad says when they are at the door.
"Thank you Chad. For everything."
The two engage in one last hug to securely hold their friendship together before the handsome actor leaves down the driveway to his car. Justin continues to look at him as he drives off his property and away with goosebumps on his skin because of the chilly wind of outside. Winter will be harsh. When Chad disappears, he reenters his home and locks the door behind him. He is feeling so good right now and his spirits are lifted. Someone cares enough about him to fly across the country at a second's notice to see him. Murray's actions on this day mean so much to him. The former N*SYNCer walks further into his home to be by himself. As much as he hates to admit it, Murray is right. He has to collect all his thoughts back so he will know exactly what to say to the people he has to explain himself to as well as the people he wants to explain himself to. This time alone is invaluable for him.
Vanessa's lips are on his neck and chest because this is their last day together for the remainder of the year most likely so she plans to take full advantage of it. They are on the bed the two of them share together in their home and her legs are on either side of his body, trapping him there to begin some type of onslaught. Her black lace bra accentuates her curves exceptionally well and her fingernails run all across his bare chest to heighten a mood they both want to get caught up in. For him more so that he does not have to think about Justin and his eagerness to get away. Kobe holds her at the waist while she sits on his lap and their lips press together. His mind is not here and he is not in the moment to make love to her right now but there is nothing he can do about it. Things have never been this disconnected for him. He has to focus on this beautiful woman on top of him who is ready to please him.
"Baby---is something wrong?" she questions him.
"No---I'm just going to miss you a lot," Bryant comes back with. "I'm trying to figure out how I'll deal with you not being there."
"Listen---I know I was upset about this and I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"I know this is your career and I knew what I was getting into when I started dating you in high school. I'm sorry I made a big deal about it," Vanessa apologizes again. "I've never regretted anything honey."
"I know you're upset that we won't be together this Christmas. I am too---"
"I'm more upset that you're going to be alone while I'm with my family."
Kobe stops himself but then, "You're always thinking about me."
"That's because I love you. So much Kobe---"
"I know. I love you too sweetheart," he sweetly caresses her face and brings her in for a kiss.
Kobe repeats the words once again in her ear because he does mean it. He will miss her and them not being together on Christmas but his heart has to be somewhere else. With someone else. So this will have to be how it is for right now. This will be he and Justin's first Christmas together as a couple and it has to be more than special and no one will get in the way of their time together. This is why he chooses his cabin in Aspen for them. The fresh mountain air will do them both good of course but he wants to create such an extraordinarily spectacular memory for him that his mind is consumed on the very thought alone. It has almost become an obsession to him. It is just one more night. Bryant cannot honestly remember the last time he was this eager about something. He can barely wait and he usually has to trick his mind into thinking about other things just to get his mind off of his boyfriend.
He takes the opportunity to gently roll over her body so that he is on top and her head hits the pillow with ease. Her long wavy hair is spread all over as their kisses become more aggressive and their passion begins to form for one another. It will soon be bouncing through the walls but no one else will experience it but them. Vanessa feels her wrists being pinned against the bed while her boyfriend leaves goosebumps on her skin and makes her blood boil over the edge. Just then, her fingernails claw at his back while he removes her bra and feels his dick swelling even more with blood. It cannot be contained within his boxers anymore so he easily slips them off while also slipping his girlfriend's panties off. They engulf each other's mouth and tongues entwine together in the bond they share. Hips grind together and intimate body parts touch one another for the first time seemingly. Again, nails are on his back.
She runs her fingers along his back and strong shoulders this time while he touches her face and breasts in a smooth sensation. It always amazes her how soft his hands are considering the sport he plays and that he always has the ball. Bryant feels himself at full mast now and he wants attention badly. Their kisses are erotic and sensually arousing as they say goodbye to each other. His girlfriend spreads her legs slightly further to allow him access and he capitalizes on the opportunity right away. There is a slight pressure at first but he enters her so their bodies can be as one; this connection will never go away. He does love her so very much. Kobe pushes his entire erect pole into her and she arches her back so their chests meet instantly. The baller caresses her forehead and hairline while their movements start off slow so it can be as comfortable as possible for them both. It is sinful pleasure not to regret.
"Uhuh---ohh. Yes baby---uhuh---" his girlfriend drums out in fits of ecstasy.
Kobe makes a small grunt and it only barely escapes his lips because his girlfriend engulfs his lips directly and this aggressiveness is sexy. Like it was with Justin also. Maybe there are times he likes being dominated in bed. Which he never thought he would be into but his sexual appetite is blooming and maturing due to the both of them. His thrusts are still slow and methodical and all his work shows on her face. Timberlake should be the furthest thing from his mind at this intimate moment but he refuses to be. Their bodies are joined together and the pace picks up in thrusting and her legs clamp onto his lower body as she moans. Fingers roam bare skin in their lovemaking while a light layer of sweat develops on their already glistening skin. Vanessa sucks on her boyfriend's strong neck with a purpose. He closes his eyes and forces himself to enjoy it as much as he should; as much as he did before him.
"I'm going to mark you as my own. No one else can have you," she exclaims in a most sexy voice as she continues to bite on his neck.
He cannot respond to this because his brain will not allow him to. There is more guilt now and a small part of him just wants this over with before he completely breaks down and does something reckless. It is not her; it is only him. She is still the same, even better, as she was the very first time they had sex their senior year in high school up in his room without his parents ever knowing. Vanessa was his first real girlfriend and she took his virginity so long ago as he took hers. It was a classic love story back then but Kobe is the one messing it up by stepping away from his responsibility of being a man as well as the promise he made himself after they first had sex to always take care of her. Even after his parents forbade him to see her. His girlfriend has been with him even before he became a professional basketball player so there is no way she is in this relationship for his money.
All these things should not be thought about during sex. Something is wrong. As much as the shooting guard hates to admit it, he has been disconnected for the past few months and the rift is becoming more of a gap. It has nothing to do with her; she is and will always be the perfect girlfriend. But there is so much about him she does not know. Vanessa has always been his main, and sometimes only, support system throughout all of his adult life and no amount of his money can repay that. She honestly deserves the best life has to offer because she is there for him when no one else is. Even now. His parents are wrong about them. Not that he values their opinions anymore. Kobe guides their faces close to each other so their lips can touch so he can try and relieve some of this guilt he is feeling. He is beginning to feel that he is maybe not worthy of her. Again. This kind of thinking is dangerous.
"Yes baby---just like that," his girlfriend moans out.
Thrusts are their strongest now and his hands stick to her waist and hips to keep her in position right on top of him. Her legs still grasp onto his lower body and their hands meet for what seems like the last time of this strained year. It might as well be. Kobe loves her so much and when they stare into each other's eyes, he sees it all there but he also sees his own unworthiness. It cannot be this way anymore. As fast as he runs, both his lives are catching back up. Vanessa closes her eyes to enjoy the last stages of intimacy because she feels her boyfriend getting close. Bryant is struggling to keep up with his powerful plunges and he is feeling that extra sensation that only equates with one thing. His girlfriend goes back to her spot on his neck and bites and sucks on it more and more, barely stopping before she breaks skin and he is bleeding. It is some visceral pleasure worth experiencing.
The Los Angeles Lakers' body shudders with his lover's touch and he feels the ripples and trails of bliss and complete satisfaction envelop him while he starts to cum into her. He feels like the energy is draining out of his body and that he is unable to continue pleasing her. The once smooth friction existent between their bodies is falling apart because the stokes are rapidly becoming less methodical and controlled and more unfastened. Vanessa inches herself closer to her boyfriend's sweaty body and they kiss as he finishes up. She grinds into him and feels his dick softening in her. It is still a weird stirring but she is used to it and it happens because he is so big even when he is not hard. Kobe closes his eyes and relishes in the afterthought of it all and only reopens them when he feels movement on the bed. His girlfriend has dismounted him and is now lying next to him, watching him. Almost like studying.
"What?" he ever so cutely asks.
"I'm going to miss you baby."
"I'm going to miss you too," Vanessa replies and then rests her head on his chest and he strokes her hair.
"Are you all packed?"
"I think so---"
She looks forward and then responds, "I can't believe we won't be together for Christmas sweetheart."
"It's going to be hard---without you."
Kobe holds her hand while he stares up at the ceiling, "Don't worry okay. You'll be with your family---you won't even think about me."
"That will never be true. I'm never not thinking about you---"
The basketball star freezes in his thoughts immediately when she says the words because he remembers saying those exact words in the exact same way and tone that she just did to his boyfriend Justin. The fates love to taunt and tease him with such ironic jokes. This is crazy. Vanessa says nothing more and continues to rest on his chest before eventually falling asleep leaving her man wide awake and thinking in the dark about her words and his actions. Bryant thinks about everything from his past and then gets a very brief glimmer of his future. This is becoming too deep and he is scared that he will not be able to handle it all. Kobe looks over at his girlfriend while she is serenely sleeping partially on top of him. His heart beats are much calmer now and the outside light makes her look even more enticing. But his mind is scared for him. Scared of knowing the two roads will eventually converge.
"Why did you have to say those words?" the shooting guard whispers to no one but himself.
He wants to call Justin so badly right now but it is late and he will be seeing him soon but the urge is almost unbearable. Plus his guilt factors into why he cannot call. But the Los Angeles Laker needs to do something before he loses his mind. Ever so gently moving his body, Kobe reaches for a pillow to replace himself with so as not to wake Vanessa. In his naked form and through the moonlight flooding in their master bedroom he retreats to the bathroom and closes the door behind him. For now, he will avoid the mirror and step into the shower to clear his head. It has not been working as of late but maybe tonight will be different. The water is cold at first and Bryant winces at it because it feels like the pipes are frozen but soon enough, lukewarm and eventually hot water spouts through the powerful shower nozzle. Now he wants that soft touch to be on his back and shoulders. And lips.
Kobe stays silent while clean water refreshes his skin and short hair and he closes his eyes almost like he is meditating under the pressurized nozzle. Those same words are shaking him to his core and he is scared of it. Water splashes against his face and the impulses are wild. He just wants to relax and is forcing himself to think about something, anything else. Sleep will have to do it; he must be tired. The basketball stud rinses his entire body with the hot water and when it is clear that he will not get the relief he hoped he would, he turns off the water and reaches for a towel. Vanessa is still sleeping and unaware of anything. It is better this way. Bryant wraps the towel around his waist and rubs his hands over his face before finally looking in the mirror. The red eyes staring back reassure him that he is tired and wants rest. He proceeds to brush his teeth to have them clean. At least the outside will be.
It is not the same person looking back at him there however. Somehow, he is changing and whether that change is for the better or worst is yet to be revealed. This is his life story. The basketballer removes the towel and dries his skin thoroughly and avoids the mirror again. It felt like a slap in the face the first time so no more. He slips on a fresh pair of boxers to cover his nakedness and is greeted by a sudden rush of cool air when he opens the bathroom door to step back into their room. The impulse has subsided but it is still there and pulsating wickedly. Kobe swears he is going crazy. He softly slips back into bed and his eyes immediately attract the ceiling high above him. The only movement from his body is when his eyes blink for him. This cannot continue to happen. The stress and lying is breaking him and becoming that much harder to keep up with. It will all overtake him soon enough.
"Good night Justin," Kobe whispers to himself because no matter how out of balance his life is, the songster will never be a source of stress for him.