Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2015 03:49:32 +0000 (UTC)
From: cheekymonkeytales@yahoo.com
Subject: Why There Are No Women in The Hobbit.  Part Two: Spit Roasted

Why There Are No Women in The Hobbit
Part Two: Spit Roasted

Disclaimer: The fictional characters depicted in this story belong to the
estate of J.R.R. Tolkien and George Allen and Unwin (UK) publishers.  They
are presented here as a fair use sex parody.

The journey started pleasantly.  The fields and hills of the Shire and
beyond were familiar and friendly, with quick roads and little danger.  But
it wasn't long before the road became rough; the nights became dark; the
weather turned sour, and peaceful civilization was left far behind.  After
a few gray days of bone soaking rain and guiding stubborn ponies up muddy
inclines and down treacherous ravines, Bilbo was questioning the sanity of
his decision to join Thorin and company.  Hardly a day passed that he
didn't curse himself for forgetting to pack any handkerchiefs in his rush
to leave Bagend.

His one consolation was the comforting embrace of strong dwarvish arms
every night.  Every evening, Bilbo found himself invited into the tent of
one (or two, or three) dwarves who felt the need to relax after a long
day's journey.  No sooner through the canvas flap, would Bilbo find strong
and insistent hands removing his clothes, spreading his legs, and fondling
and caressing the secret places of his body.  The early night air was
always filled with dwarvish grunts and hobbit gasps, as Bilbo's rectum was
filled with dwarf seed, and his own body shuddered in orgasm.

At the end of one particularly dreary day, when their supplies were
becoming ever more stale and unappetizing, the company smelled the most
wonderful aroma.  The salivating odor of roasted lamb wafted through the
trees.  In the descending darkness, Balin could just make out a warm glow a
few hundred yards away.  Gandalf had disappeared in typical Gandalf
fashion: that is, when he would have been most useful.  After a hushed
discussion, it was decided that it was the burglar's duty to investigate
the light and that delicious smell.  As the burglar, this made Bilbo
somewhat unhappy, but what choice did he have?  He signed on to be their
burglar (among other things), and the contract was vague on what exactly
that entailed.

Silently, Bilbo approached the glowing light.  As he neared the edge of the
darkened woods, he nearly gasped and gave himself away.  Before him were
three enormous trolls.  They were massive beasts, over twice the height of
a man and thick around.  Their hairless gray-green flesh bulged with power
and almost glowed in the firelight. They had a hot blaze roasting a lamb on
the spit, and they seemed to be in the midst of an argument.

"Nothing but mutton to eat!" one grumbled as he slowly turned the spit.

"Not a bit o' man-flesh in these past three days, I tell ya, Bert" chimed
in another.

"Quit yer complainin' you two!" the largest replied.  "We ate half a
village just last week, so shut yer hole and have some mutton.  You ought
to be thankin' me, you should!"

Of course, Bilbo should have turned around right there returned to the
safety of the dwarf camp, but he was fascinated by such big, powerful
bodies.  The trolls were naked except for crude loin cloths, little more
than scraps of stolen linen that barely concealed their swaying genitals
and muscled buttocks.  With a curiosity that wouldn't be denied, Bilbo
crept closer to the trolls.  Sticking to the shadows dancing before the
fire, Bilbo managed to get so close he feared they might step on him.
Bilbo looked up at the giant creatures.  They certainly weren't pretty.
With noses that would be absurdly large on any creature without the
misfortune of being a troll, and under-slung jaws with protruding tusks,
topped by eyes that seemed too small for their bald heads, no one would
mistake them as handsome.  Yet Bilbo couldn't stop staring at them, and his
eyes wandered lower and lower, until they reached their loin cloths which
had probably never seen a wash basin.  Bilbo wriggled a little closer
through the brush.  Beneath the scrap of cloth was a penis larger than
Bilbo had ever imagined.  Big around as a hobbit's thigh, it swayed in the
night air above two pendulous balls.  A deep ass trench separated two
enormous globes.  Bilbo breathed in and was overwhelmed by the smell of
troll funk; he coughed.

"What was that?" said one the trolls.

"I heard it, too, Bill," said another.  "Hello, what's this!?"

Bilbo let out a short "Eep!" just before the troll grabbed him by his
shirt, and lifted poor Bilbo high into the air.  "Help! Help!" cried Bilbo
instinctively, before he realized he shouldn't give away the presence of
his companions.  The troll squinted at Bilbo in the flickering light and
gave him a long sniff.

"What d'ya suppose this is, Bill?" he asked.

The largest troll, who was evidently named Bill, replied, "Dunno, Tom.
Looks like a small human with fuzzy feet."

"Human!" cried the third excitedly.  "That'll be mighty tasty!"

"Nah," said Bill.  "He's barely a mouthful.  Wouldn't even roast up
proper."

"Don't even smell human," added Tom.

"But, maybe, there's more where he came from!" the third (who was Bert)
said hopefully.

At that point, as if answering Bert's prayers, the dwarves burst into the
clearing.  They had wondered what was keeping Bilbo and had decided to
rescue him from whatever evil had befallen him. They put up a good fight,
but one by one, the trolls subdued the dwarves, putting each into a sac.
There, they all lay on the ground helpless, as the trolls argued over
whether to cook the dwarves or eat them raw.

In desperation, Bilbo spoke up.  "If you don't eat us, I'm sure we can find
some way to repay you!"

Bill scratched his head quizzically.  "You, `elp us?  How?"

"Well," replied Bilbo, "I'm sure you gentletrolls have needs, needs that we
could help take care of, if you get my meaning."

"What do you mean, needs?" asked Tom.

"You know: NEEDS," said Bilbo.  "Down...there.  Surely there are lonely
nights when you feel a stirring under those loin cloths.  And I'm sure you
don't find many she-trolls down from the mountains in these parts."

Bill burst out laughing.  "You?! Ha!  You are much too small.  We'd just
push you around with our dongs.  Not one of you is big enough to satisfy
us, though I must say, I am horny as hell!"

"Ah!" shouted Bilbo, "but we could teach you to please each other!"

Bill blushed.  "Nah, that's crazy.  A bloke like Tom would never touch my
big cock."

"Well, actually, I've always liked the look of your cock, Bill" said a
voice that sounded just like Tom's.

"Is that so?" grinned Bill.  "Hear that, Bert? Tom, here, likes me big ol'
cock!"

"I didn't say that!" protested Tom.

"It's just that I like smell of it," said Tom's voice.

"Get that scrap of cloth off you, Bill, and show Tom your big dong!" said a
voice that sounded just like Bert's.

Bill needed surprisingly little convincing.  With a quick tug, his loin
cloth fell to the ground.  While not fully erect, Bills enormous cock was
starting to rise.  "Take a look at that great piece of meat!" ordered Bill
proudly.

"What you aim to do with that?" said Tom nervously.

At this, Bill faltered.  He wasn't sure what he was going to do with his
penis.  He wasn't well versed in the ways of male on male lust.  Finally,
the silence was broken by Dwalin shouting, "Just stick your dick in his
mouth, already!"  This seemed like a good idea to Bill, who grabbed Tom's
head and roughly shoved him to his knees.  Bill's cock was swelling rapidly
and starting to ooze a clear lubricant from its rubbery purple head.  It
swayed before Tom's face, who hesitantly opened his mouth and gave the head
a tentative lick.

"You'll have to do better than that!" roared Bill as he grabbed the back of
Tom's head and shoved his long shaft down the troll's throat.  Tom gagged
as the smooth green meat invaded his mouth.  Bill pulled out for a moment,
giving Tom a chance to catch his breath before the big troll dong pressed
back past Tom's lips.  The bitter and salty flavor of troll cock would have
been overpowering for a man or dwarf, but it was delicious to Tom, who soon
overcame his cock shyness and started to slurp down his friend's thick,
drooling penis.

Bill groaned with pleasure, as Tom started to knead the head of his dick
with his tongue.  "Oh fuck, Tom!  That's fuckin' amazing!"  Tom was too
busy worshiping Bill's cock to make more than muffled groans of
satisfaction.  Bert stood behind Tom watching the spectacle.  His own cock
had grown rock hard and was pushing his loin cloth up out from his body
like an awning.  Keeping his eyes on the action, Bert grabbed this
throbbing erection and began to stroke it.

"Don't be shy," Bilbo encouraged.  "Get in there and have some fun!"

Bert looked at the little hobbit with his brow wrinkled in confusion.  "But
Tom's only got one mouth.  How's he gonna take care of this" Bert asked
pointing to his cock, "and Bill's at the same time?"

"There's always the other end," Bilbo suggested helpfully.

Bert's eyes and mouth gradually opened in shock as the possibility of
sticking his dick into a butthole slowly seeped into his understanding.
"Nah!" Bert declared.  Then "Maybe...I could," and finally a grin spread
over Bert's face.  He walked behind Tom, who was now on his hands and knees
hungrily gobbling down Bill's leaking knob.  "Hey, there Tom," said Bert.
"Mind if I move this out of the way?"  Bert grabbed the edge of Tom's loin
cloth.  Bert took Tom's muffled grunts as permission, and quickly pulled
the old piece of linen off Tom's waist revealing the troll's massive ass.
Two greenish balls of muscle gleamed in the fire light.  Bert ran his thick
piece of troll meat up and down Tom's ass crack leaving a slimy trail of
pre-cum.  Bert grabbed one of Tom's mighty butt cheeks and spread it aside
to reveal the deep purple troll anus.  Bert pointed his cock at the
puckered opening.  "No way, me dong will fit in there!" cried Bert in
dismay.

"Sure it will!" Kili said.

"You just have to open that hole up first" Fili added.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" asked Bert.

"Easy!" Kili replied.  "You just need to get it relaxed with something soft
and wet."

"Like your tongue!" Fili said, finishing his brother's thought.

Bert looked skeptical.  "Me tongue?  Down...there?"  Hesitantly, Bert knelt
down behind Tom's round ass.  Bert sniffed Tom's deep ass trench and
wrinkled his nose at the overpowering musk.  He grabbed each of Tom's butt
cheeks and spread the beefy globes wide apart.  Bert paused, unsure if he
was really going to lick his mate's butt hole.

"Go on!" encouraged Bilbo.

Slowly, Bert extended his slimy blue tongue and gently laid it on Tom's
quivering hole.  The taste of troll ass was thick and intoxicating.
Pleasantly surprised by the flavor, Bert started to lap all up and down
Tom's crack, enjoying the taste every time his tongue passed over the Tom's
tender sphincter.  Soon, Bert had settled on the main course and was
digging his tongue deep into Tom's insides, working his slimy troll drool
into Tom's virgin ass.

Tom was taken aback by the sensations coming from his rear end.  He stopped
sucking Bill's dick long enough to groan in pleasure, as Bert opened up his
tight anus.  Bill, who had been lost in the warmth and pressure of Tom's
mouth, suddenly opened his eyes and looked at Bert.

"Hey Bert!" Bill said.  "What you doin' back there to Tom's butt?"

Bert made one more long nasty slurp into Tom's relaxing hole before he
replied, "I'm opening his hole with my tongue, so I can put my big pecker
in there!"  "Tastes great, too!" Bert added.

"Really?!" Bill exclaimed.  Well now he had seen everything.  "Hey, let me
try!"  And with that Bill moved behind Tom, pushing Bert out of the
way. Bill knelt behind Tom and started to lick the troll's pungent ass
hole.  Bill worked his tongue in deep, sucking Bert's ass flavored spit out
of Tom's stretched hole.  "Dang!" Bill decleared.  "If that aint better
than mutton!"  Meanwhile, Bert had moved to Tom's front.  Tom was moaning
uncontrollably at the massage his sensitive anus was getting from Bill.
Seeing how much Tom enjoyed it, Bert thought he'd give it a try.  Ripping
off his skimpy loin cloth, Bert got on all fours and backed his round ass
up into Tom's face.  Missing the flavor of Bill's cock, Tom was eager to
get more troll flesh into his mouth.  He immediately started to eat Bert's
hole, savoring the new flavor.  The three trolls lined up ass to mouth,
pleasuring each other with their inexperienced but eager holes.

"That's right, Big Guy!" Oin shouted.  "Dig in deep.  Get that ass open and
ready."

"Really massage that troll pucker." Nori added.

"I think that ass hole is just about ready, Bill." Thorin said.  "Don't you
want to try that virgin hole out?"

Bill pulled away from Tom's dripping anus.  He was breathing heavily,
completely consumed by lust for his friend's body.  He wasted no time
pressing the head of his engorged phallus into Tom's relaxed hole.  Tom's
slippery anus stretched around Bill's thick cock and swallowed the powerful
rod.  Bill slid in to the hilt, sending Tom howling in pain.

"Hold still, ya pansy!" Bill ordered, grabbing Tom firmly by his hips.
Bill had never felt anything like Tom's ass before in his life.  Tight and
wet and hot, it grasped his cock in all the right places, sending waves of
pleasure through his entire body.  Slowly, Bill started to pump his cock in
and out of Tom's aching ass.  Tom cried and moaned as his virgin ass tried
to accommodate Bill's massive penis.  He clenched his fists in the dirt and
pressed his eyes closed, as he felt Bill's thick pole stretch his insides.
"Aw, quit your complainin'" Bill ordered.

"Hey, Bert!" Bombur shouted! "Why don't you shut Tom up with your dick?"

Bert, who was wondering why Tom was no longer slurping on his ass hole,
thought that was a good idea.  He turned around and shoved his cock roughly
into Tom's mouth.  Tom gagged in surprise, but soon had the long cock down
his throat to the balls.  By now, Tom's ass was growing accustomed to
Bill's cock.  His sphincter was relaxing, and his rectum was getting used
to accommodating the piston of troll meat thrusting into him.  In fact, the
sensations were starting to feel good—really good.  Deep inside him,
Bill's cock rubbed and bumped Tom's prostate, causing a feeling of pressure
to build in his cock.  Tom's protests dampened, replaced by satisfied
grunts has he took two massive cocks from both ends.

The dwarves cheered the trolls on.  "Give it to him good, Bill!" shouted
Balin.

"Look at how much Tom is loving that cock," observed Bifur.

"Long strokes, Bill.  Make that slut feel every inch!" instructed Gloin.

"Take that dick all the way to base, Tom.  Hollow out your cheeks, get a
really tight suction on that piece of meat!" Thorin ordered.

The encouragement and instruction from the dwarves had the trolls in a
sexual frenzy.  Tom began to rock back onto Bill's cock, forcing every inch
through his tight hole and filling his bowels with the throbbing phallus.
Virgin though he was, Tom's ass instinctively tightened and released,
massaging Bill's dick and quickly milked him toward orgasm.  The pressure
inside Tom was building unbearably.  He was now slamming his ample rump
back into Bill, impaling himself on a cock as thick as a man's thigh.  His
eyes watered, and he would have been moaning incoherently if his mouth
hadn't been full of Bert's penis.  He almost thought that if he tried just
hard enough, he could get the two cocks to meet inside him.  Just as Tom
thought he was going to explode, Bill let out a roar and pumped his thick
troll seed into Tom's ass.  Volley after volley poured into Tom, seeping
out around Bill's dick with wet squelches.  Bill pulled this cock out with
a sloppy "pop!"

"No!" Tom protested.  "More!  Give me more!"

Bill slapped Tom's butt cheek and watched in jiggle in the firelight.  "You
need to give this a try, Bert!"

Without missing a beat, Bert replaced Bill behind Tom and shoved his
swollen dick into Tom's hungry ass.  Tom let out a satisfied groan.  Bill
shoved his cum drenched dick into Tom's mouth.  Tom eagerly lapped up the
cum, tasting troll seed, spit, and his own ass mixed into an intoxicating
brew.  Bert was less patient than Bill, and started to pound Tom with quick
hard thrusts.  The rapid fire thrusts hit Tom's sweet spot, quickly
building the pressure in his cock .  In a few moments both trolls convulsed
together in orgasm, Tom's cock gushed thick ropes of greenish troll semen
onto the grounded while his ass milked the cream out of Bert.  After a few
moments of groans, grunts, shudders, all three trolls collapsed into a
sweaty heap, and within minutes they were all fast asleep.

That's when Gandalf emerged from the bushes, and Bilbo realized it was the
wizard who helped stoke the fires by mimicking the trolls' voices.  In the
blink of a wizard's eye, the hobbit and the dwarves were free.

Gandalf put his finger to his lips.  "Quiet now! Their troll hoard is
likely nearby.  With a little luck we might be rewarded for our trouble
tonight."  Sure enough, they found a cave nearby where they uncovered
treasure, the likes of which Bilbo had never seen, including great weapons
made for the heroes of bygone wars: Glamdring and Orcrist.  Bilbo found
himself a handsome dagger, which was practically a sword for one so small
as a hobbit.  Soon the company was on its way, leaving the trolls
slumbering, satisfied, and robbed.

To be continued...

Questions, comments, suggestions?

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