Disclaimer: This story involves, or is going to, characters from X-Men. The characters in this story have no relation to the REAL characters and/or the actors that play them in real life, and imply nothing of their sexual orientation, (No matter how much we would like it to) and any similarities are purely coincidental. All X-Men and other related elements are property of Marvel.
I was following my friend, Shelby, into the boy's locker room because she was doing a story for the newspaper about the resent success of the baseball team. We walked and walked for what seemed like an endless series of tunnels and corridors, thank goodness there are signs because we would have needed a GPS. We finally stepped into a steamy and musky (not the good kind) room that was known as the boy's locker room. We had to let our eyes adjust to the steam, and our noses to the smell.
Shelby leaned over towards me, "Why do boy's locker rooms need to smell like this?"
I was rendered silent because my eyes had adjusted. Displayed in front of me were groups of men; some had no shirts, some had towels around their waist, some still had water on their bodies from a recent shower. I had died and entered gay heaven, but I had no one who could share the same excitement that I had. For you see, Shelby is a lesbian, and that's most likely one of the reason why she was put on this story. Now, I wasn't just there because I wanted to stare at half-naked bodies, although it did play a (large) part. I was helping her with the interviews, mainly the recording. Which, might I add, is a joke because I'm just there to press the record button on and off.
A tall man blocked my wonderful view, "Are you two from the newspaper?"
Shelby spoke in a stern and professional tone, "Yes, we are Coach."
Shelby looked like she belonged in the newspaper or working as a journalist. She had blonde wavy hair that stopped above her B-cup breasts, she wore thick banded black glasses, and her attire mainly consisted of tight pencil skirt sets that she usually worn with a button down tucked in and a pair of pointy, skinny stilettos. She carried her pen on top of her ear/ somewhere in her hair via bun and had her Moleskine reporter style notebook with her at all times.
We were following the coach through the locker room, until he stopped at large space that was between what looked like endless rows of lockers.
"Alright, stay here. I don't want anyone's eyes to get burned." He said jokingly.
"More like fall off," I said to myself.
We both waited on the side while the Coach to round up the "men" as we called them collectively. A few minutes later we were told that we could come in.
"Men, these are the reporters from the newspaper."
Someone whistled at Shelby, but I secretly hoped it was for me, but I knew better.
"And behave." The coach walked off.
She gave a fake smile in the direction of where the whistle come from before speaking, "Can I speak to," she looked at her clipboard that the editor gave her, "to Devin?"
"Yeah!" said a voice from the back.
"Devin." She said once again.
There he was in all his glory. He had only a pair of jeans on...that's it.
When he was able to make his way through his teammates, he came towards me.
"Hey J! What's up?" he said with that amazing smile which was followed by a man-hug. I nearly creamed my pants. I just hugged like the hottest guy in school, I can die happy now.
"Nothing, just helping my friend," I manage to say without drooling and nudged my head in Shelby's direction.
"Shelby Constance, Reporter." She put out her hand and he shook it. She was all business. "I'm here to ask you and a few of your teammates about their success on the field this season for next week's newspaper? Mind if I start with you?" In one swift movement she opened her notebook, pulled her pen from her hair, and smiled ready to write.
She looked at me, "Record."
She asked a few questions and was now finished. It was now Devin's turn to ask a question himself.
"Hey, would you like to go out sometime?"
She lowered her glasses, "Ha!" and removed them, "Let's just say that you and I do not play on the same field." and put her glasses back on.
Devin looked to be in shock.
"That would be a `no' sweetie." She said in confirmation. "But, if you ask him, he would drop down to his knees right now." She said while pointing her pen at me.
"Shelby, you don't say something like that in boy's locker room!" I whispered over to her.
Devin heard what I had said to her, "Yeah, Shelby. You shouldn't have had said that because now I have a reason to hit a fag."
He was an inch away from my face when I woke up. My room had the blue tint of dawn light at the windows. I looked at my clock; it was six in the morning.
"What a dream?" I thought. I flipped to my side and rested my head on the pillow and fell right back to sleep.
I heard the alarm on my phone go off. Snooze.
It went off again in 5 minutes. Snooze.
And again 5 minutes later.
"Turn off that damn thing, I'm awake now." Liz said in a half mumbled, half whispered "morning" voice.
I mumbled something back in response.
We both got up and headed to the bathroom to go brush our teeth. About a minute after we started brushing, I noticed that Liz was no longer next to me. I looked to my right first, no one. I looked to my left,
"Liz!" I somewhat yelled.
"What?" She said with a toothbrush in her mouth.
Liz is on the toilet peeing...
"You could have something, I would have left." I continued to brush.
"I couldn't wait," She was brush her back molars. I just rolled my eyes.
I heard the toilet flush.
She comes next to me again, "You can now go now if you want."
I just looked at her, she shrugged her shoulders.
We got ready slowly, but we got ready. I was first to be ready, of course because Liz had to go through three outfit changes. She was finally able to settle on a wide white v-neck t-shirt, skinny dark wash True Religions, her 5 inch black Channel pumps, and her outfit would not be complete if she didn't get something from my closet, my tan Michael Kors cardigan.
I just put my hand on my hip. She looks at me, "Hey! Just be happy I didn't call dibbs on the navy Channel cardigan that you are wearing, and besides, you know you bought this in the women's section." She grinned.
"A, this is my favorite cardigan, and B, who cares if I got it in the women's section."
"Ha! I knew it!"
I just looked at her, "Okay, okay. Let me just get my purse." She grabbed her black D & G purse and began to walk towards the door, "Well come on, I've been waiting for you." She snapped her fingers. I grabbed my small Prada messenger bag.
We went downstairs in unison. We found Emily in the kitchen making breakfast.
"Good Morning!" She said cheerfully.
"Morning." We said together.
"You two are up so early, what you guys going to do today?"
I spoke, "We're going to Bal Harbour, but since it takes like 45 minutes to get there from here, we wanted an early start."
"Oh, okay. Have fun."
We got into my BMW because we took Liz's car for lunch yesterday and I'm driving, unfortunately.
I had just finished backing out from the garage and Liz asks me,
"I thought that you would never ask," I said exacerbated,"Where though?"
"Um... I was thinking Beverly Hills Café. It's on the way anyway."
"Sounds good, I haven't been there in a while."
We drove in relative silence because we had no caffeine in our systems yet. We just listened to the radio and the overplayed prank call that the station had made to someone. We got to the Beverly Hills Café in a short time. I parked the car at a meter because it was easier.
"Oh damn! Liz, do you have change?"
"I told you, you need to get a wallet with a coin pocket thing."
"Maybe I can get one today..."
"Haha, yes you can," She said while putting in the change.
"Hour and half is enough, right?"
"Yeah that's plenty."
We walked into a half filled restaurant and we were met with a motherly woman named Doris. "Hello you two. What can I do you for?"
Liz sweetly said, "Table for two please, something by the window, if you can."
"No problem sweetie, just follow me," said Doris grabbing two menus.
We followed her until she seated us at a table near a corner with windows. "Is this good, darling?"
"This is perfect, thank you." We sat down.
"Can I get you something to drink while you wait?"
I told Liz to go first, "Uh... Yeah. A coffee and a water."
Doris turned to me, "I'll have a coffee also and a small apple juice."
"Coming right up," and with that Doris left.
Liz leaned towards me, "She's so nice."
"Yes, almost too nice..." I gave her an evil grin and raised my eyebrow. She just rolled her eyes at me.
We made small talk about we were planning on buying and stores we wanted to visit. Liz was in the middle of taking a sip of her coffee when she had to say something.
"What is it?"
"I forgot to tell you," I was listening, "I had really weird hallucination-type thing this morning about you."
"Yeah, it was strange. It was like ten seconds long, if that."
"Well, what did you see?"
"Oh yeah, yeah. Duh!" She said smiling.
Our food came, we both said "Thank you" in unison.
She continued, "The hallucination," she was putting syrup on her pancakes, "Okay, so like I said, weird. We were in your room sleeping." She took a bite of her pancakes.
"Uh-huh." I said with a mouthful of scrambled eggs.
She swallowed, "Like this morning, us sleeping, and the alarm from that damn phone of yours was going off." She took another bite.
"Okay?" I took a sip of my coffee.
"Yeah and I turned to you to tell you that your alarm was going off and you weren't next to me."
I took a bite of toast, "Where was I?"
Swallowed another bite, "In the air!" She pointed her fork up.
"Uh... Like floating above the bed?"
She nodded, "Yeah like three, four feet up in the air. I closed my eyes and you were back down on the bed and that's when I told you to turn off the alarm."
"I told you."
"Actually, you know what?" I had some eggs.
"I had a dream like that but it ended differently."
"Really?" She looked at me with wide eyes, "Creepy..."
"I woke up in my dream, with the alarm going off, like in yours, in the air; above my bed." Liz just looked at me questioningly. "Yup and then when I realized what was going on, I freaked and landed on the bed and then really woke up."
"Huh," She drank some of her coffee, "Maybe you're a mutant like the ones that we hear about in the news and you just don't know it yet."
"If I am, you're the first person I'm coming after." We began to get up to leave and pay at the register.
"Really? Because I would still be able to kick your ass."
"But, at least I would be able to go out in style."
She put her sunglasses on, "You mean fall flat on your ass," and walked through the door.
"Hey! Did you forget about the TWO LARGE men that I took down, just yesterday?"
She got into the car, "That would be you being extremely lucky." I just glared at her at her from the driver's seat. "Well, c'mon times a wasting!"
I reversed out of the parking spot and began driving.
We got to Bal Halbour after about an hour of leaving the Beverly Hills Café. Along the way we spoke about every topic imaginable and then the second we hit Miami Beach we just stared at the general splendor of hard bodies that were on display along Collins Avenue, which turned into a "he's gay and he's not" game, that I won by pretty much a landslide. We got to Bal Harbour and were circling the parking lots for a spot.
"Look! I think she's getting out!" Liz would scream, which was usually followed by a "oh, never mind they getting out of the car, sorry."
After five "Look!" and sharp turns later, I got fed up,
"Okay that's it! I'm going to valet!" I yelled.
Liz agreed, "Yeah, might as well. I would like to do some sort of shopping today, rather than spend it trying to look for a nonexistent parking spot."
I drove to the valet lane; apparently many people were just as fed up as we were with the parking. There were at least six cars in front of mine.
Liz saw the line, "I think that we would be considered lucky if we get in right before it closes."
"I'm the one driving," I looked at her.
She smiled, "and that's why you are the one driving. I would have chopped someone's penis off by now."
I chuckle and roll my eyes, but she probably would though.
We were finally able to get out of the car, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting. It was probably just ten minutes, but whatever. I paid the damn twenty dollars to have the car parked like 100 feet away.
We stepped in, "Okay. I think before we hit the boutiques, I want to go to a big store."
"Which one first, me Lady?" I bowed.
"Haha, very funny. I was thinking Saks?"
"You know where it is."
"Yay!" She squeaked.
For Liz, going into Saks is like letting a sugar deprived child loose in a candy store, only worse. It's really funny to watch her as she steps into the store. Her eyes widen, mouth drops, nose flairs, and the tiny blonde hair on her arms spike up.
She turns to me, "We're going to do shoes first." She didn't say it like she was asking me. It was more like a command, which, if I don't comply with her instructions I would have to pee through a catheter.
I just nod, "Uh-huh, sure." I let her lead the way; the animal has been let out.
On the way to the Shoe Salon, she literally grabs a salesman and tells him, "You're going to help me today, okay sweetie," He just nods. After dashing through a group of women and their husbands holding their bags behind them, we reached the salon. She tosses her hair back with her right hand and looks at the salesman with a smile.
He fixes his suit jacket and says, "Hello, I am Bruce and welcome to Saks. Is there anything that I can help you with?"
Still smiling, "Yes, there is. I would like for you to show me the Blahniks from his recent Fall collection."
He put out his hand and lead the way.
Liz looked at the large table that held about two dozen Blahniks. "I would like these." She handed him a dark snake skin patterned shoe with a 5-inch heel.
"My mom said I should get something more `modest.' So, I think these would be nice." She hands Bruce a bright metallic silver shoe. I turn to her,
"Yeah?" She turns to me.
I grab the shoe, "Modest?"
"It's a 3-inch heel."
I hand the shoe back to Bruce, "I think your mom meant in terms of not being so `show-ey off-ey.'"
"Yeah, you're probably right," she looks at the table and picks up another shoe, "this one should make her happy." She gives Bruce a 3-inch black suede heel.
"That's better." I roll my eyes. She just stares at the shoes. "I would like to do some shopping for myself, you know?"
"Okay, okay. I'm going... and we will do this one as well." It was a red patent leather 5 ˝-inch heel with a strap just under the ankle. As she was handing it to Bruce, I told her that those were hot, she laughed knowing that they are.
"Bruce, can I please get them all in a seven"
"No problem," and he left into the back room abyss.
She sits on a backless sofa in the middle of the salon and I sit next to her.
"So, are we buying shoes for a special occasion?"
She gasps, "You never need an occasion to buy shoes," she's so overdramatic, "but yes, I am."
"Wait, I didn't tell you?!"
"Tell me what?" I looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Wow, I cannot believe that went by me. Over Christmas break my agent got me working for Prada in Paris."
I just looked at her, dumbfounded.
"I'm gone for two weeks."
"That's great!" I hugged her, "Bitch, you better bring me back something." I said laughing.
We released, "Of course! Prada is your favorite!"
Bruce came back with four boxes. Liz tried on the first pair and walked off to do her "cat walk" strut, to make sure that they pass her "test." I rolled my eyes and turned around, I was now facing Bruce. He was a very handsome man. Probably in his early thirties, with a clean-rugged look, dark short hair and light blue eyes.
"I'm sorry about Liz, she can get a bit crazy when it comes to shopping."
He laughs, "It's alright. I've learned that women transform into beasts when it comes to shopping, especially when it comes to shoes."
"Yes, especially when they model. It's amplified ten fold."
"That would do it." He had a great smile.
"Okay, so for sure the snake skin ones. I'm going to try the metallic ones, Bruce."
"No problem." He removes the metallic shoes from the box, then removes the ones on her feet and replaces them.
Liz did the same thing for each shoe, and I made small talk with Bruce as Liz strutted her stuff. She made her decision to take all the shoes except the metallic ones. As Liz was paying, Bruce gave his card to Liz and to me as well.
After we were a few steps away from the register, she says to me, "I see that Bruce gave you a card as well," she paused, "because you plan on buying shoes from the women's department soon."
"I hate how I can never get a guy AROUND my age. If I was about 25, I would SO go for him. But he's basically twice my age."
Liz pats my shoulder, "Like you always tell me `patience is a virtue.'"
"I know, I know."
We walked, passing a few of the other boutiques. Sometimes we would stop and stare at what we saw in the windows critiquing them. Which would either by a unanimous "absurd!" or "genius!"
Liz and I entered the Prada Boutique and we were immediately greeted by a tall, lanky fellow with a pretentious British accent.
"Welcome to Prada Bal Harbour," he paused looked at us up and down and then proceeded to say, "but I think that you two would be better situated in a store more geared towards your age group." As he said this he placed his right hand under his left elbow and his left hand went under his chin.
Liz and I were taken aback; we have never treated this way. Liz was speechless. We turned to each other questioningly, to see if we were both heard what came of this man's yellow-teethed mouth, was indeed the same thing.
I was able to get my bearings first and politely said, "I'm sorry sir, but I think we may have misinterpreted what you said. We think that you are implying that my friend and I do not belong in the store."
He looked at us, again with an air of pretentiousness, "I didn't say that, you came up with that one yourself."
Liz was again taken aback by his bluntness, but this time she was more inclined to say something, "Oh! You're pulling the you're-young-therefore-you-can't-afford-anything card," she paused, "You're going to make me go just as low as you because I'm going to pull out the I-spend-more-than-your-paycheck card..."
I stopped her before she went any further, "Liz, there is no need for you to stoop to the level of this man," I turned to the dickhead, "Can you please get your manager for us?"
Without a word he turns and walks through the store. He returns less than a minute later with the manager. Before the asshole was able to introduce us to him, Liz exclaims,
"Liz! Jacob! It's been a while since you guys were here last." He hugged us both and we made small talk, totally forgetting about the bastard.
"Oh, Alex!" Liz began, "your extremely competent colleague here recommended that we go to a store was more... What was it again, J?"
I paused dramatically to "remember" what he had said to us, "I think he said `more geared towards our age group' I believe Liz."
"Yes, that sounds right."
We all looked at the fucker, who was turning a deep shade of magenta.
Alex just looked at him and said "Follow me" turning around. He began to walk a few steps and then turned to us and said "Ten percent off all things that you but today. Think of it as a store apology for his behavior."
"That's not necessary Alex," Liz protested.
He quickly turned around again, "I insist," and he was off towards the back of the store again. Me and Liz didn't want to argue with him when he was like this, so we stayed silent.
We parted so that we could tackle the male and female parts of the store. There were a lot of flesh-toned sweaters that weren't really my thing. But there some nice fitted blue button-downs with a light sheen to them. It was weird that there were no scarves, even if it is Miami. There were also these strange looking tutu things.
I thought, "To each its own..."
I went over to Liz with four button-downs and a suit jacket in hand, which she approved of. After being with Liz for a few seconds we both heard some yelling.
"I think it's coming from the back rooms," Liz whispered to me from her crouched position on the floor.
I lowered myself and whispered back, "Why are we on the floor and whispering?"
"I don't' know, but it seems like the thing to do right now."
We both got up and tiptoed over closer and stood by a clothing rack that was close to the back room door. We must have been listening to mumbled yells for about 5 minutes when the doors suddenly opened. We both tried to look like we were through the rack. Apparently, Alex had been screaming at the douche bag.
Liz walks towards Alex, "What just happened?"
"I just fired a British prick, that's what just happened."
"Alex, it wasn't necessary to fire him," I said coming to them both.
"No, no," he waived his hand at us, "that was not the first time that someone has complained about him."
"Oh okay." Liz and I looked at each other relieved that he wasn't fired because of us.
We shopped for about an hour, Liz tried on God knows how many things. But we finally narrowed it down to what were taking. I got it down to two button downs, the suit jacket, two suede moccasins, and a bi-fold zippered black wallet with a pocket for change. We paid for our things, with much difficulty because Alex refused us to live with the 10% that he said that he would give to us, but I left.
As we stepped out of the boutique, I turned to Liz, "You hungry?"
I'm sorry, yet again, for taking as long but in my defense I had moved and hadn't really found a chance to sit down and write. Hope you guys like it! If you have questions, suggestions, etc feel free to reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org.