Hello again guys, please continue to email me so I know someone is reading and liking what I'm writing. I also have a playlist of songs that I listen to while writing the chapters if ya'll are interested. I apologize for the delay these past chapter but I've been out of the country on vacation. I just posted Chapter 12 and hope that this part is posted as fast as the last one. It's sort of my holiday gift to ya'll, ha. Speaking of, hope ya'll are having a great holiday! BTW, I'm currently working on part 14 and let me tell you- it's a good one (wink) so be on the look-out!
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I woke up at 10:00 AM, surprisingly, without a hangover. Although as I stood up, I realized that I'm not in my bed- I am on my living room floor. I look to my right and see Sebastian's sleeping body on the couch next to me. Smiling, I remembered how much fun we had last night. I stand up and head back to my room to shower and freshen up. I get my clothes and head back to my hallway where my restroom and shower are. When I am done, I step out of my shower in a comfortable t-shirt and shorts- Carol's party isn't until a few more hours.
I look over to see Sebastian sitting up and looking at me from my couch. "What's up, Seb?"
Sebastian blinked away the sleep from his eyes, "I want to shower, too."
I smiled at him, "What, you need me to help you with that?" I was only half joking.
"Nah, bitch." He laughed, "I need a pair of clothes- I sort of didn't bring anything other than the beers."
"Damn, Seb. Even the girls that just come to spend the night are better prepared than you."
"Ha-ha, fuck you. You mean your boyfriend, don't you?."
I laugh, "Fuck you. Alright give me one second, Seb." I came back with a change of clothes for Sebastian including a pair of jeans and a t-shirt of mine. "Uh-" I look at Sebastian, jeans and t-shirt in hand, "I only got you a shirt and pants, Seb. I don't know what your ... undergarment situation is."
Sebastian laughed, "Oh come on man. It's not like you don't wash your clothes. Just hand me a clean pair of boxer shorts and socks, Alex." I shrugged and did as I was told. When Sebastian walked out of my shower 15 minutes later, I tried my best to not think about him wearing the same boxer shorts I use.
"Yo, A," Sebastian said as he continued to dry his hair with my towel. "What are the plans for today?"
I look at my watch and see that it is already 11:00 AM. "Well, I guess we can go out and have breakfast or lunch somewhere. We can come back around 5PM to get ready for Carol's party."
"Sounds like a plan, A."
After Sebastian and I got lunch at our mall's food court, we spent the rest of our afternoon together walking into stores to find Carol's last minute birthday gifts. Sebastian got her a perfume set with a note that said "Because you fkn stink" because, really, what else would Sebastian write on Carol's birthday card? I got Carol the ingredients to one of her favorite pastries because, as luck would have it, I waited too long to look for them and all the pastry shops had ran out by now. As Sebastian was so kind to remind me, "You were supposed to go to a bakery earlier. Fucking shit, always messing up, Alex."
Sebastian and I were back at my apartment by 5:00 PM. He had found a cheap beard at Spencer's and, after much deliberation, he decided on buying it. We both spent the next hour getting our costumes together- actually, Sebastian only took 30 minutes to get ready, I needed more time getting my makeup to look convincing. By 6:30 PM, I was satisfied enough with what I had accomplished and even got an "Eh, I guess you look ok" from Sebastian.
"Fuck off, dude. I tried really hard with this." I adjusted my sweatshirt so more of my painted white chest could show.
"I don't know, I think you look too `good' for a skeleton."
"Good as is good, or good as in good?"
"Ha-ha, what the fuck does that even mean? I meant like, you look too sexy for a skeleton."
I laughed, "What? Says the fucking sexy lumberjack! That beard makes even me question my sexuality" I pointed at Sebastian's junk, "And those pants- It's like you're trying to have people look at your junk."
"Ha, fuck off. It's not my fault I was blessed with a nice package." Sebastian grabbed his junk to emphasize this point. "Besides, I've never heard you complain before."
I blushed for a second before I gathered myself enough to tell him that we should get going if we wanted to pick up drinks and make it to the party on time.
Carol's party started at 8:30 but we arrived at 7:00 PM to help her set up anything she still needed. "You look really good, Alex!" Carol greeted me and gave me a hug. She was dressed as a ghost and I noticed someone in the background with the matching costume, her boyfriend I presume.
"Thanks, Carol. Happy birthday by the way!"
"Thanks, Alex. Come on in. I hope you have a great time here."
Sebastian walks in next from behind me. "Hey, Carol. Happy birthday. What is it this year, 32?"
"Fuck you, Sebastian." Carol punched him in the arm, laughing. "You know I'm 24, bitch. I'm, like, one year older than you."
"A year is a year, grandma." Sebastian laughed as he dodged another of Carol's punches. For the next hour and a half, we help Carol with the setting up of tables and chairs in her backyard while she and one of her friends, Amy, finish decorating the inside of the house. By 8:20, the party was set and the first guests begin to arrive in costume. Because I wasn't very familiar with Carol's friends, I stuck with Sebastian for the early stages of the party, although, if I didn't know any better, I would have thought that Sebastian was the one sticking with me. Whatever the case, an hour in, Sebastian looked over at me and told me he was ready to get drunk. As I was his designated driver tonight, I was only allowed to get a small buzz but I told him OK.
The rest of the party went as expected: guests in costumes arrived, wished Carol a happy birthday, went over to where her boyfriend was grilling burgers, ate and drank. I got to meet some of Carol's other friends, among which were Amy, Ilene, and Jorge. Let me get this straight, I am not some predatory sex hound, but Jorge was kind of hot- ok he was really hot. I would really not mind fucking him or him me. Whenever he stood, I would have to remind myself not to stare too long at his sculpted body or his prominent but well-groomed facial hair. His care-free and joking nature made him that much more attractive, too. Don't get me wrong, if I had to choose between fucking with Jorge or Sebastian, I would pick Sebastian in a heart-beat. But still.
As the party progressed and everyone got drunker, I was only able to get buzzed (being Sebastian's designated driver and all). Hours 1-3 of the party were insignificant in that the only thing that occurred was people eating, drinking and talking. By 1AM, most of the guests had left and only Carol's family and close friends remained. Where Carol's family was inside the house, we were outside drinking and talking.
"Ok, ok, ok." Carol, being the birthday girl, had decided she would be the first to get shit-faced, downing almost half a bottle of whiskey as a dare from Ilene. "Jorge, I dare you to give Ilene a lap dance." Apparently, Carol, in her drunken state, had decided that we were playing truth or dare, too. Also, she must have forgotten that she did not let Jorge pick between a truth or a dare. No one seemed to have noticed this other than me, but there was no way in hell I was going to miss Jorge give Ilene a lap dance so I kept my mouth shut.
"Fine, fine, fine." Jorge stood up and began walking to a squealing Ilene. Right before he got to her though, he took out his phone and seemed to be looking for something. When he found it, Jorge gave a small nod and put his phone down. Seconds later, Rhianna's Bitch Better Have My Money began to play. Of course. Jorge stood directly in front of Ilene and, in a swift motion, placed his left leg on the chair's arm. I was mesmerized by the control and movement of Jorge's hips. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't getting turned on, really.
"You should pick up pointers for your boyfriend." I couldn't help but jump. Dammit- Sebastian nearly scared the crap out of me.
"Uh, I don't know ha-ha. I'll think about it." I replied, recomposing myself and turning away from Jorge's erotic dance routine.
Sebastian laughed and I could smell the whiskey on his breath. "I'm not going to lie, the bitch can move, though." I laughed some more and, all too soon, Jorge finished his dance and walked back to his seat.
"OK, ok, ok." Apparently, Drunk Carol had also decided to repeat everything three times. "Alex, your turn. Truth or Dare?" Seeing as what Jorge had just gone through, I decided to take the safe path.
"Truth." I nodded. "Definitely truth."
"Ugh," Carol rolled her eyes. "Fine. What was the real reason you broke up with Kass, Alex?"
It was my turn to groan. "Ah, come on Carol. That's your question?" Carol simply nodded but refused to provide me with another question. "Fine. I don't know." I shrugged. "I guess I just wasn't in love with her. I don't think I ever was, really."
Carol's eyes widened, "What? Why?"
I smiled back, "Wait, don't you only get one question?"
"Fuck that. I'm the birthday girl, spill."
Maybe it was the fatigue of dealing with so many emotions, but I decided to speak the truth out loud- or at least part of it. "I was in love with someone else, Carol. Really, I only used Kass in hopes that this other person would be jealous." I looked around the table and saw a mixture of responses from the group. Whatever. Fuck them, I thought.
Seemingly satisfied with my truth, Carol moved around the table and continued her game of truth or dare. I decided I had had enough truth for this round so I stood up and headed for Carol's tool shed near the back of the yard. I sat down against the old wood of the shed facing away from the party.
"Truth or dare sucks, doesn't it?"
I would have been surprised if Sebastian's steps hadn't been as loud as they were walking towards the shed. Without looking up I said, "What are you doing here, Seb?"
"Well," he started, "Carol gave me a stupid-ass dare right after you left. I told her to fuck off and that I needed to take a piss. By the sound of their laughing though, I'm sure they already forgot that we both left."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Sebastian only nodded as he walked away from me and toward the fence ten feet away, throwing his fake beard on the ground in the process. I noticed that Sebastian's walk was not as straight as it had been at the beginning of the party. I smile as I hear the drunken fool unzip his pants and pee on Carol's fence. As he walls back, he trips a little before joining me on the floor. We sat cross-legged, the fabric of our jeans touching without our knees actually touching.
"Truth or dare, Alex?"
"Sebastian?" I look at him, uncertain as to what he was thinking.
"Truth or dare," he repeated.
"What you said about Kass. You've told me that already, right?"
"Yes," I turn to look at him, "But you already knew that, though."
"I know," he laughs, "I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't lie to me."
"I wouldn't lie to you, Seb." I wouldn't offer to tell you the whole truth either, though.
"Your turn," he said. I understood immediately.
"Alright, truth or dare?"
"Truth," he said.
"Why are you not with Emma or Lily right now?"
Sebastian was quiet for a minute. He seemed to be debating whether or not to tell me. After what felt like forever, he said, "Emma and I fought this Monday. She didn't want me to come tonight because she doesn't like Carol much. We also had a last minute dinner invitation to her parents but her dad doesn't like me much. I'd be OK with that if he didn't make it obvious that he doesn't like me. I told her I'd rather be here with you guys than be pissed on by her dad. She was pissed and she started saying shit to me. I thought she'd get over it but she left Wednesday morning while I was with you and Carol in class without telling me. She called me to say she took Lily, too."
I remained silent as Sebastian spoke. I didn't have a kid, but I knew it couldn't feel too good having your significant other take them away for the weekend without warning. "I'm sorry to hear that, Seb." I grabbed Sebastian's shoulder and squeezed. "In all seriousness, you're a very good person, Sebastian." I squeezed his shoulder again.
"No, I'm not," he said.
I chuckled. "Fine, you're not. But I still get to think that."
"Right." He smiled. "Your turn. Truth or Dare?"
I sighed. I didn't want to play anymore but I knew he was only doing this to distract himself from the thought of his daughter not being with him. "Truth," I say.
"Pussy." He laughed, I laughed. "Fine. Promise to say the truth, though?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Ok," he turned to look at me and I could smell the whiskey in his breath again. "The person you like, it's a guy isn't it?"
My breath caught in my throat and I feel like the entire world has stopped all of a sudden. I looked into Sebastian's eyes but I'm unable to see if he was asking this out of malice or disgust or curiosity or ... something else entirely. The longer I look into his hazel eyes, the more vulnerable I felt until I can't stand it anymore and look away. "Why do you care," I asked.
"Because I'm your friend. I want to know." The silence between us grew longer. "Come on, A. I saw you practically drooling over Jorge during that lap dance. I don't give a flying shit about who is unfortunate enough to fuck you. I'm only asking as a friend."
I couldn't help but chuckle at Sebastian's attempt at humor, although it lasted only a minute before I remembered what he was asking. "Sebastian," I looked back at him, panic growing inside me, "I can't-"
"I already know it is, Alex." Sebastian grabbed my cold hand and began to warm it with his. It wasn't a gesture of intimacy, he was simply trying to comfort me. I didn't know what to say. Obviously, my silence was answer enough for Sebastian, but I couldn't will myself to speak. I could tell him everything I was feeling. I could. But there was still so much to ruin.
"Sebastian," I move my hand away from his and look away, "I'm not gay. I just like who I like. I've had crushed on girls before ... but yeah, I've also had crushes on guys." I stopped talking after this, I couldn't think of what to follow that with.
"Hey," Sebastian grabbed my shoulder now, "Like I said, I don't care, A. It's not a big deal."
I looked over at Sebastian now, anxiety growing inside me. "You don't get it do you? That is why I live alone. My parents are very conservative Christians. I had to move away because their constant beliefs were ... suffocating me. I was raised, for twenty years, under the idea that what I felt for guys was wrong. That I was loving wrong. That loving who I loved was damning me to hell. How the fuck does someone deal with that?" I wasn't talking to Sebastian anymore, I was talking to myself. "How do I stop loving who I love? I know it's wrong but I still tried really hard to hide it- to fix me- I really did. But then I met-" I looked down at my crossed knees, "But then I met someone that I knew was who I was meant to love. But I can't. Because they're in love with someone else." I was talking so fast now. "And I tried really hard to forget them that I even planned on moving away." I stayed silent for a second before I add, "Lea was right, `choosing not to love someone won't make the heart break hurt any less.'"
Sebastian was quiet now. I couldn't tell if it was because of what I had just said or because he understood what I wasn't saying. "Anyways," I continued, "It doesn't matter anymore. I already sent my application to Austin. They accepted me. I should be gone by next semester."
"It does matter." Surprised at hearing Sebastian's voice, I silently looked over at him. "It does matter to me because I care about you, Alex." Sebastian looked into my eyes, "I remember you told me you were leaving. You thought I was too drunk to remember, but I wasn't. I remember that I told you I didn't want you to leave." He was silent for a second before he adds, "I still don't."
My breathing got heavier as what we were talking about began to sink in. "I'm going to go now, Sebastian. Feel free to pick up anything you left at my apartment tomorrow afternoon when I'm not there."
I began to stand up when Sebastian grabs my hand and pulls me back. "Don't." Sebastian pulls me down, my back gently hitting the cold wood. "Don't leave." He leaned in closer to me, his nose inches away from mine. "I don't know if it's the alcohol speaking or not, but I don't want you to leave." I was silently staring at Sebastian as he continued to speak, my eyes traveling from his eyes to his nose to his mouth. "I want you to stay," he says. With that, he closes the distance between us and kisses me. Only this wasn't like the first kiss between us, this was hungrier, more desperate. I felt his tongue fighting its way into my mouth and I open it, letting him in because now, it feels like there is less to ruin.
His hands reach down for my torso and mine do the same- shivers run down my spine. I feel every curve of Sebastian's waist through his- through my plaid shirt. I feel his arms and his chest and his shoulders and I feel him- I feel Sebastian. Our tongues wrestle and I grab the back of his head trying to get closer to him. Although the night's fresh breeze was cool, my face was burning up as we continued to kiss. He pulls away and looks at me. After what feels like hours of silence Sebastian says, "I don't know what this means, Alex," he laughs, "But I think I might have had too much to drink."
"Sebastian," I lightly laugh, unable to understand what just happened. "I think that you've had way too much to drink, buddy."
"Yeah," Sebastian looked away from me and towards the fence in front of us, "Maybe I have. I need to sit down."
"You are sitting down, Seb." I feel rather than see Sebastian's head resting on my shoulder. I close my eyes and let the feeling of his head on my shoulders ingrain itself in my mind. I stay like this as I hear Sebastian's breathing get heavier and I know that he's asleep.
I begin to stand and pull Sebastian up, leaning him against me. I feel the heat and strength of his body against mine. I walk us around the tool shed as Sebastian mumbles something about not drinking ever again. I see Carol laughing with her group of friends and I tell her that I'm dropping Sebastian's passed out body at his house. Carol has too much alcohol inside her to pay me much notice. I walk to my car and place Sebastian's body in the passenger seat and put the seatbelt on him. I drive in silence towards Sebastian's house. Whatever had happened tonight, I was not ready to talk about it in the morning. I turn on my radio and put my favorite station on. I let the music fill my car as I look at the road and feel Sebastian turn in his sleep. I sing along to the simple melody of the song. Sebastian grunts in approval.
"I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
Oh, I'm begging you to beg me."
I could have taken the short way to Sebastian's house, but really, he's asleep and it's my gas and it's a good night and why not make it last just a little while longer.
"I'll shine up the old brown shoes.
I'll put on a brand new shirt.
I'll get home early from work,
If you say that you love me.
Sebastian grunts again. I simply smile at the sleeping body next to me. It seemed that whenever I had him figured out, he surprised me by pulling something like he did tonight. I didn't know where we stood, but I was sure it was in a better place than we were yesterday.
"Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying?
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying?
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me."
I parked in front of his house and carry Sebastian to his front door. I reach into his pocket and get his house key. Opening the door, I carry him into his living room where, an eternity ago, I had given Emma a serenade from him. I place Sebastian sideways on his couch and walk away from him.
Whatever happens next was going to be different- that, I was sure of. But maybe different wasn't going to be as bad as I thought.