Before you read the chapter, some of ya'll were confused about the last Author's note I had about this chapter. Part 22 (this one) WILL NOT be the last chapter. I simply meant it would be the last chapter in "Season 2." Parts 1-14 were considered Season 1 while Season 2 was comprised of parts 15-22. I do have plans for Season 3. In my last email, I mentioned how I was thinking of splitting Season 3 into 3A and 3B, with 3A picking up a few months after this chapter and 3B consisting of a time jump.
If you'd like more information on this, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I am a Senior in UNIV with two part time jobs so it's hard
for me to work on this story and reply to emails but I DO READ THEM, GUYS!
Lastly, if you remember, I was going through something these past few weeks. This chapter will be dealing with what that was (near the end). I appreciate you for sending all those caring emails guys, you were all so supportive. Thanks.
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I hadn't been able to sleep that night. After Sebastian had left, I kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong. The guilt I was feeling over Emma was still gnawing at me but at least now Sebastian would tell her what was going on. It wouldn't be pretty but the truth rarely is.
Before I knew it, dawn had come and the first rays of sunlight got through my window shades. It was then that I looked at the clock and saw it was 6:24 in the morning. I hadn't slept. I decided I wasn't sleepy so I got out of my bed and took a very early shower. By 7:30, I had showered, changed, and made breakfast.
I spent the rest of my morning cleaning up and doing homework, trying my best to not think about what was going to happen later tonight. I was scared I had dreamt all that had happened last night – but it was real. It had happened. I didn't know what Sebastian had told Emma, but I did know that he told her it was over. In a few hours, I'd get the story from Sebastian himself. All I had to do now was wait until 9PM to head over to El Vaso and meet him.
It felt like forever but, when 8:30 rolled around, I headed to El Vaso. Not knowing where to wait for him, I walked inside and sat in a booth to the back. I got myself a beer and listened to different people go up and perform upstage as I waited for Sebastian.
A girl of about 19 walked upstage and got her guitar ready. She was pretty in a "church girl" kind of way. I paid her no attention as I looked to my phone and waited for a call or text from Sebastian letting me know he was on his way.
"Everybody down in Houston calls him Texas.
Everybody way up north calls him Corn Bread.
You should've heard the way that his momma called him baby.
Daddy called him boy – his friends called him crazy."
I looked back over to the singing girl. She had a hauntingly beautiful voice. I couldn't stop staring at her hands as she played Jana Kramer's Whiskey.
"Should've just called it like I saw it.
Should've just called for help and ran like hell that day.
The burn and the sting and the high and the heat and the left-me-wanting-more feeling when he kissed me.
Should've just called him Whiskey."
I looked from the girl back to the front door. I noticed someone walking in but it wasn't Sebastian. Where was he?
"Wore my body to the core just like a blanket.
Tasted so sweet then he took my breath away.
Hit me so hard – like a rock through a window.
I knew I was in trouble from the moment I met you, boy."
We aren't finished here, OK. Those were his words last
night. That was what kept me glued to my seat right now. I let out a deep sigh.
I knew I was in trouble from the moment I met him, really.
"Now the numb set in.
He's gone like the wind.
And I can barely feel the pain.
Should've just called it like I saw it.
Should've just called for help and ran like hell that day.
The burn and the sting and the high and the heat and the left-me-wanting-more feeling when he kissed me.
I should've just called him Whiskey."
I was three beers in when I noticed it was 9:20 and Sebastian still hadn't showed. I wasn't too worried as I assumed he was held up with something or other.
I began to worry by 9:50.
I caught myself looking at the front door every time I heard it open but it was never Sebastian. My anxiety grew with every minute passing that Sebastian wasn't here. Five beers in and it was already 10:30PM. I think I knew in my heart that Sebastian wasn't going to show but I waited nonetheless. I waited until 1:30AM, when the bar was getting ready to close. I waited in my car, parked outside El Vaso, until 2:00AM when people were heading home. I waited for him back at my apartment until 4:00AM, taking three shots of burning whiskey. I waited until my waiting turned to hoping – until my hoping turned to wishing.
I didn't go out Sunday. I spent it all day in my apartment getting over my hangover and when I did, I started drinking again. Still no call or text.
Monday morning, I got ready to go to class and see him in lecture. He didn't show.
Tuesday afternoon, I showed up to my microbiology lab and waited for him to walk in the door. He didn't show.
Wednesday, I decided I had had enough waiting and went over to Buffalo's where he worked at. I walked in and walked directly to the bar. I ordered a drink from the bartender and looked around at the people in the bar.
I spotted him near the door five minutes later greeting a guest. He must have sensed someone was looking at him as he turned in my direction and caught me looking at him. I saw his head turn towards the door and he walked outside the restaurant. I paid for my tab and followed him outside.
It was getting dark already but I knew Sebastian wasn't in the parking lot so I decided to walk around back. A voice broke my train of thought.
"What are you doing here, Alex?"
I looked at Sebastian in his work uniform. "What do you mean what am I doing here? You told me to meet you three days ago, Sebastian. I waited forever but you never showed. I – I tried calling you but you wouldn't pick up." I didn't know what else to say so I finished by saying, "I was worried about you, man."
There was something different about him. I couldn't place it. "Why would you be worried about me?" He asked.
I was surprised at his question. "Why would – why would I be worried about you? Sebastian, you told me you were going to tell Emma. I was worried that something might have gone wrong."
"Well, nothing did," he said.
"Nothing did?" I was worried at how short his answers were. I wanted to know how he was. "Then? What happened? Where are you staying at?"
"There," he said, looking me in the eyes.
I was surprised to hear this considering what he had told me he was going to do. "There? You're staying at Emma's? Why? I thought you were leaving."
"Well, I didn't."
"What? But you said –"
"I know what I said," he interrupted. "Now I'm telling you I'm not leaving."
I didn't understand his change of heart. Last I remembered, he was very adamant about leaving Emma. "What? Why? I thought you wanted –"
"You thought I wanted what? To leave Emma for you? You thought I would leave the mother of my daughter to be with you?" The way he said this, like he was blaming me for something, made my heart hurt.
"Why are you saying it like that? I never wanted you to - I thought you said you were done with her."
Finally, Sebastian began to show some emotion. Only, it wasn't the emotion I expected. "Are you listening to yourself, Alex? She's the mother of my daughter. I can't be done with her. I can't just throw that away," he said, annoyed with me.
I was taken aback. I thought Sebastian was done with Emma. I thought he had made his feelings pretty clear. "What are you saying? You're staying with her?"
"Of course I'm staying with her. What else would I do? Go be with you?" His words were like knives to my heart. The way he said it made me feel like I was not someone worth being with.
I tried not to show how hurt I was at his words. Instead, I asked, "Why – why are you being so mean? I was just asking because –"
Sebastian looked annoyed again. "Because what," he interrupted. "Because you wanted me to throw away all I worked for to be with you? Because you wanted me to have my daughter grow up in a broken home? Because you wanted to be with someone you knew full-fucking-well was taken?"
I blinked. What was he talking about? Who was this person I was talking to? The Sebastian I knew was nicer. Sure he could be stupid or rude when we were playing around at times but he was never ... cruel. Not like he was being now. "Sebastian, I don't know what –"
"No. You don't know, do you, Alex? You don't know what it is to be a parent and to want to put someone else's needs before your own. You don't know any of that." He paused for a second and looked me in the eye again. "All you know is how to be selfish and chase after someone's guy."
That was the last straw. I didn't know what was up with him but he didn't need to be as cruel as he was being now. "Fuck you!" I said, not able to hold back how angry I was at how this meeting was progressing. "I never wanted you to leave your daughter, Sebastian. All I wanted was for you to be happy."
Sebastian's eyes were colder than I had ever seen them before. "Well, I was happy. I was happy before you came and fucked everything up, Alex."
I genuinely had to take a step back. What the actual fuck was happening? "What are you saying? I fucked everything up? Sebastian, you came on to me!"
Sebastian scoffed – he actually scoffed at me. "Bullshit! You know full well you were fawning over me like a little bitch before I got drunk and fucked up."
I couldn't understand what was happening. "Why – why are you being so mean, Sebastian?" I asked again, hoping to hear something – anything – that would make this make sense.
It was as if the strings inside Sebastian were being pulled further than they should. His very body reflected how frustrated he was. "Why am I being so mean?! Alex, you came between Emma, Bella and me! You tried to fuck up our family! Who the fuck does that?!"
I had really tried to not let his words hurt me in case he was dealing with shit he hadn't told me about but I just couldn't take it anymore. "Fuck you!"
Sebastian got closer to me, only this time I couldn't feel his warmth – all I felt was cold. "No! Fuck you, Alex. Fuck you for being the piece of shit who would come between two people who've been together for six fucking years and their one-year old daughter." He paused after this, I could see it in his eyes there was more he wanted to say, though. Then he said it. "No wonder your parents want nothing to do with you. They must have known what a piece of shit you are," he said.
My parents were always a sensitive topic for me. I had told him already, he knew that – he knew me. "Fuck off! Leave my parents out of this asshole!" I couldn't help myself from pushing him. His very presence was fucking my head up.
This didn't seem to bother him as he took another step closer to me. "Why should I? They raised you! They must have known that you were the type of person to fuck with another person's partner!"
I hated it. My eyes stung with what I knew were the beginning of tears. There was no way in hell I was going to cry in front of him, though. "Why are you –"
Sebastian took another step closer to me. "Why am I what," he asked. "Why am I telling you the truth? Because you need to hear it. All you wanted from me was someone to make you feel better about yourself. Your parents ditched you, so now you tried to find someone to make you feel special – to make you feel loved." His eyes, which normally made me feel happy and safe, reminded me of the bullies from middle school. The ones who said things that hurt a hell of a lot more than their punches. Not the mean ones who would occasionally punch you or call you names, the cruel ones who knew words were a better way of hurting people. "You chose me because I was already taken. You wanted someone like that so, in case it didn't work out – which you knew full well it wouldn't, you'd blame it on them and not on yourself. You know what, Alex? Your parents ditched you because you're a piece of shit." He shrugged, "I'm over you for the same reason. Nothing and no one is ever going to change that."
Not once did he break eye contact with me. Not once did I remember the warm, caring Sebastian I had slept with Friday night. Not once did my heart not hurt.
I could hear my voice breaking but I tried so hard - so desperately - to hold on to the hope that this was all just a cruel joke. "I thought you – I thought we –"
"You thought what? That I might have loved you? Please, Alex. All you were was another ass for me to screw. The sex was good, not going to lie, but all you were was someone who was there for me when I was tired or lonely or just plain fucking bored." He didn't raise his voice for this which somehow hurt more – hurt deeper.
"Fuck you, asshole!" I was mad at him for the words he was saying. I was mad at my eyes for the hot, scalding tears that were pooling there. I was mad at myself for still hoping this could be fixed. "Why are you doing this?"
"You don't get it, Alex? I'm doing this because I want to hurt you." My blood, once only running cold, felt like ice inside my veins. "I want you to get the picture and just leave Emma and me alone." He scoffed again, "Fuck, it would have been so much easier if you had just left when you could have."
There was nothing else I could say. There were no words that came to mind that could show how hurt, how pissed, how destroyed I felt right now. This was not at all what I thought was going to happen - this was not at all how I thought tonight was going to end. Before the first tear slid down my cheek, before the first choking sound escaped my throat, I turned away from Sebastian, walked to the front of the restaurant, and got into my car.
He didn't follow me.
I didn't look back.
Two days I had skipped my classes and laid in my bed sobbing. I didn't cry – no – I sobbed. You use your face muscles and tear ducts when you cry. When you sob? When you sob you use your whole body. It's like your very soul has been ripped away from you and your own body doesn't know what to do with itself. It's just left drowning in its own sadness.
That's what it felt like. For two straight days, it felt like I was drowning. Only I wasn't. I could breathe - my lungs felt fine. I could move - my muscles worked. I could do anything I needed to do.
It just felt like I couldn't.
I had missed texts and calls from Carol, Lea, and Ralf. I didn't reply to any of them. I didn't want to.
The shittiest thing was, the only person I wanted to talk to about Sebastian ... was Sebastian.
For the past three days all I had eaten was cereal and water. Just enough to keep me from starving in my own home. On the third day, I convinced myself that what had happened had a reason. No way could Sebastian be that cruel to me. He must be hiding something. Something must have happened to him and he needed my help. I looked at the clock on the wall and noticed it was 7:00. I couldn't remember if it was 7:00PM or 7:00AM. I grabbed my keys and walked outside. After a few minutes, I noticed that the sun was going down. 7:00PM it is, then.
I got into my car and turned it on. I headed over to Sebastian's house to see what was troubling him. There had to be something.
I parked in the street opposite his house and walked to the front door. Every step was heavier than the last, but finally I got to his front door. I knocked on it and waited. For two long minutes, nothing happened. Then, Emma opened the door.
"Emma," I said. "I'm sorry, I was – I was looking for Sebastian. I just wanted to talk to him for a bit."
Emma walked out of her house and joined me outside in her porch. "You wanted to talk to him about what, Alex?"
A few boxes littered her living room but she paid no attention to them as she closed the door behind her. "Just – it's nothing –"
Emma turned around to face me, her brown eyes meeting my own. "You wanted to tell him to take you back? You were here to beg him, Alex?"
I blinked back my surprise. "Emma, I don't know what you're –"
She turned her head away from me in disgust. "Oh, stop it, Alex. I know, alright? I knew what was going on for the longest time I just never expected it'd be with ... you. I don't know what the fuck you put into Sebastian's head but it's over, alright? He doesn't want anything to do with you. We don't want anything to do with you."
Maybe it was the last couple of days and the emotional toll they had taken on me but I was done lying to her. I looked her right in the eye and said, "You and I both know that he doesn't want to be with you, Emma." I didn't say this to hurt her. I knew it was true.
Emma gave me a small laugh – a pitiful laugh. "And what? That automatically means he wants to be with you, Alex? We have problems, yes. But just like any other couple would, we'll fix them. Now leave before I call the cops on your ass."
No. She began to turn away and I began to panick. I couldn't leave it at this again. It took all my remaining energy to come here, I couldn't leave without seeing Sebastian. I held her forearm before she could completely turn away and walk inside. "Emma ... please."
Emma turned around and pulled her arm away from me. "You're fucking pathetic, Alex. You know that right? Chasing over someone else's guy. Who the fuck does that? I thought you were my friend, but all you turned out to be was a piece of shit guy who tried to come between our family. And I'm sure as hell not letting you get between us and this new baby. Get the fuck out of our place. We don't want to see or hear from you ever again."
She might as well have punched me in the gut. For five seconds I forgot how to breathe. "New – new baby? What are you –"
Emma looked genuinely surprised. "What? Sebastian didn't tell you I was pregnant?" She cocked her head, shook it and crossed her arms. "Of course not. Well, I am, Alex. It happened the day we came back from El Vaso. After you left and Michele went to bed, Sebastian and I made love in our bed. That's why he's staying with me. He realized that Bella, this new baby, and I were more important than the fuck sessions between you and him. Now get out of here, Alex. Go back to your place and don't come back."
She turned away again. Only this time, I had no strength left in me to beg her to stop. I had no strength left in me to do anything but breathe.
I walked, slowly, defeated to my car. She could be lying, I thought. Only, I knew she wasn't. I remembered Sebastian telling me about that night. He had said they hadn't even talked. He had said that Emma went straight to bed. Of course, he could have been lying about that. He could have been lying about everything.
I remembered Emma a few days ago, back at El Vaso when she wanted to sing with me. She had skipped on buying a beer or sangria. Back then it didn't mean anything.
I remembered she had sang When You Were Mine by the Dixie Chicks. I had wondered why she chose that song in particular. I remembered the lyrics and how she looked at me when she sang and now I understood.
I can give you two good reasons to show you love's not blind.
He's two and she's four and you know they adore you.
So, how can I tell them you've changed your mind?
I'm sure there were more hints, more signs Emma might have given me that night but none of them mattered right now. The truth of the matter was: Emma was pregnant, Sebastian was the father, I was a remainder.
I didn't cry when I got into my car. I didn't cry on my car ride home. I didn't even cry when I laid down on my bed. It was like my entire body was in shock and had forgotten how to do anything but just lay there.
I fell asleep from exhaustion at around 9:30PM.