A fellow reader made a playlist with most of the songs I've either used or will use in the series. If y'all want to listen to it while reading the chapters the link for it is this:
One new song will be added on to the playlist.
Should've Said No – Taylor Swift
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I got to Diana's apartment and walked to her front door. I noticed her boyfriend's car wasn't in the driveway and was relieved – I wanted to talk to her alone. Diana opened the door before I even rang the doorbell.
"Emma!" She hugged me and smiled. "Hey girl, come in." I gave her a dry smile and followed her inside.
Sitting on her couch, she offered me some tea. "Yeah," I said as I absentmindedly grabbed my belly. "That's fine."
She went into the kitchen and brought back a mug with a sweet smelling tea in it. "Thanks," I said as I reached for it.
She sat down on the couch adjacent to the one I was in and looked at me. "So, what's wrong, Emma?"
I gave her another dry smile.
Where the fuck do I start?
"It's about Sebastian."
Strange to think the songs we used to sing,
The smiles, the flowers – everything is gone.
Yesterday, I found out about you.
Even know just looking at you feels wrong.
You say that you'd take it all back given one chance.
It was a moment of weakness and you said, "Yes."
"Oh," Diana leaned forward in her seat, concerned look on her face. "Is he – do you think he's seeing someone else again?"
I had told Diana about my suspicions about another girl a few months back. I had let her know I was right but I hadn't told her who Sebastian was cheating on me with. That was too embarrassing. Instead, I had told Diana that it had been another random girl and that moving was the only thing that would help.
"No," I said. "At least, I don't think so." I took a sip from my tea and placed it on the table in front of me. "Diana, this is something else."
I could see the worry in her face. "What's wrong, Ems?"
Diana and I had been best friends since our parents took us to the same preschool – we told each other everything. Fuck, she had been there with me when I got my first positive pregnancy test for Lily.
You can see that I've been crying.
Baby, you know all the right things to say.
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same?
"D, do you – do you remember Mark?"
Mark had been our neighbor for the longest time. Even before I had moved in with Sebastian, he had been living next to him. He was one of Sebastian's oldest friend, too.
"Yeah. Isn't he one of Sebastian's friends? Back from, like, pre-school?"
I nodded, as I continued to absentmindedly rub my stomach.
Please don't make me say it.
Please just understand what I'm not trying to say.
"What about – oh. Oh, no, Emma."
I nodded, silent tears pooling in my eyes. I had fucked up. I had fucked up bigger that Sebastian had. There was no fixing this now, I knew.
"How – how do you know? Are you sure?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure. I think so. I – I went to the gynecologist alone and he told me how far along I was. Looking back, that was around the time I was fighting with Sebastian – back when I thought he was cheating."
You say the past is the past, you need one chance.
It was a moment of weakness and you said, "Yes."
I can't resist.
Before you go, tell me this:
Was it worth it?
Was she worth this?
Diana's eyes mirrored my own: fear, sadness, uncertainty.
"I hadn't told you but, around that time, I was so pissed at Sebastian. I was sure my suspicions were true and I was so pissed that he'd do that to me. I wanted to hurt him back. So I went over to Mark's. It – it was one time but now I can't be sure."
I placed my hands on my cheeks, feeling faint. "I can't be sure, D. What if he finds out? What if it isn't his and he finds out? Oh, God I fucked up!"
I could feel myself losing it. Diana could probably feel it, too. She leaned forward and took one of my arms in hers.
"Emma. Emma! Calm down. It'll be okay. I promise."
I looked at her.
How could it be okay?
"How?" I shook my head. "I fucked up big time."
"Listen to me, okay?" Diana stood up and sat next to me and wrapped one arm around me. "I have a friend over at the clinic. I'm sure he can get us one of those cheap paternity tests so we can find out for sure. In the meantime, please – please – don't tell Sebastian about this. There might be no need tell anyone if he really is the father."
I listened to her words. I really wanted to believe that this could work out. There was just a deep feeling in my gut telling me that I was already fucked.
You should have said, "No."
You should have gone home.
You should've thought twice `fore you let it all go.
You should've known that word of what you did with her would get back to me.
"Look, I'll call him up right now and see what he says, okay?" Diana squeezed my shoulder and stood up. I saw her go into the kitchen with her phone and heard her talk to someone.
After a few minutes, she came back. "Ok. Listen, Emma. My friend says he can give us a free paternity test kit. He says the only thing you need is a cheek swab. We then mail out the samples to this lab and the results come in, like, three days." Diana sat next to me and squeezed my shoulders again. "It'll be okay, alright? We'll get this sorted out."
"What if – what if Sebastian isn't the father?" I knew I needed to ask that because that was a genuine possibility.
"Then we'll deal with that, too."
And I should have been there in the back of your mind.
I shouldn't be asking myself, "Why?"
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet.
You should have said, "No," baby, you might still have me.
"Ok! Ok!" I laughed. "If you keep bugging me while I'm doing this, I'll get something wrong!"
Jay laughed, giving me one more poke on my stomach. "Please," he said. "You got this!"
I shot Jay a smile and looked back at my laptop. I had been working on my application back to Austin's science program all day. Jay had offered to help proofread everything but, at the moment, he was busy poking my ribs.
Although a little distracting, I knew that he was doing this in part to stop himself from freaking out. With so little time before school started up again, Jay still hadn't heard back from his music program's admission office. I had tried to reassure him by telling him that that didn't mean he wasn't accepted – he needed to give them a little more time. I was sure we'd hear good news from them any day now.
Jay sat on my sofa next to me and rested his head on my lap. The fabric of my shorts warming up at the heat of his face. "Did you really spend a semester sophomore year studying rocks in El Paso?"
I laughed, remembering how horrible that semester was for me. The Texas heat was unbearable during the summer. Studying Geology out in the Texas heat was a punishment I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
"Yes, it was as terribly horrible as it sounds."
"I bet," Jay chuckled. After a few quiet seconds, he added, "You know ..."
I didn't look away from my keyboard as I raised my eyebrows at him. "Yeah?"
"You should take a small break," he said.
I looked at the back of his head on my lap for a second and smiled. "I can't. I need to finish this today, Jay."
I could feel Jay's breath under the fabric of my shorts but I tried to push the thought away as I kept typing.
"Yeah, you will."
I felt Jay's hand reach for the hem of my shorts and pull down. My trimmed treasure trail exposed to him.
"Jay," I swallowed and tried not to think about how close his mouth was to my dick.
"I know, I know. You need to work on your application. No one's stopping you, you know?"
I didn't need to see his face to know that he was smiling as he said that. I cleared my throat and moved my laptop further away from my lap. This gave Jay a little more access to my lap ... but it also gave me more room to stretch my hands and continue typing.
Feeling my dick pop out of my shorts, I took a deep breath and moved on to the next section of my application. I didn't want to give Jay the satisfaction of knowing that this was turning me on but the blood flow to my dick was betraying me.
I began to type out a short essay on myself and my accomplishments when I felt my dick enter Jay's mouth. I sucked in my breath and focused back on my computer. I couldn't help myself from opening my thighs up a bit more, though.
As I typed, I could feel Jay's mouth move along the head of my dick, sending a shiver down my legs. I felt Jay chuckle at my reaction but I ignored him and kept typing. "You know," I said. "This is totally not helping me concentrate."
I heard another chuckle from Jay and I smiled. I sucked in another breath when I felt him swallow my dick down his throat. I coughed the feeling away but noticed how I couldn't uncurl my toes.
It was very hard to concentrate with his tongue on my dick, I decided.
Breathing out the tension in my body, I shut my eyes and tried to ignore the feelings Jay was giving me with his mouth.
I felt him pull off of my dick and look up at me. "You know you could tell me to stop whenever you want, right?"
My eyes still closed, I gave him a dry laugh. "I have."
"Oh, right." He laughed. "I just didn't care."
A small smile broke out of me. I was about to reply with something witty when I felt him go down on me again. This time, moving down to my balls. "Jesus," I breathed out.
He rolled my balls with his tongue as my hard dick rested on the side of his face. I finally opened my eyes and continued to type despite the constant shivers Jay was giving me. I could see my dick throb with every lick he gave my balls. It was getting harder to concentrate the more pre-cum he was getting out of me.
As he took my dick into his mouth again, I decided enough was enough and grabbed the back of his head with one hand and pushed my laptop away with the other. I began to face fuck him and heard him gag a little as I hit the back of his throat.
"Fuck, Jay," I said, as Jay swallowed my shaft down his throat. I was getting close. My face fucking got faster and faster when I felt one of Jay's finger travel to my ass. I couldn't take it anymore. I was getting way too close.
I knew it was over when Jay stuck his finger inside, taking my entire length down his throat at the same time.
"Oh, fuck!" I could feel his finger move inside me and I started to cum down his throat. I threw my head back and shut my eyes. With every throb of my dick, I shot another load into Jay's mouth. Out of breath, I shot one last load and felt myself come down from my high. I felt Jay begin to pull off of my dick and give my head one last lick. I let out a shuddering breath as he took his finger out of my ass and stood up.
"See, all done," He smiled. "You can go back to doing your application now. Let me know when you need me to proof read what you wrote."
I gave him a glare as he wiped drool off of his mouth and left me shorts down on my couch. "Fuck you," I laughed and I heard him chuckle as he closed my restroom door.